After over a year of hiatus I am back! I was gifted a laptop and I couldn't be happier. My aim is to update at least once a week. I've also started a new Twilight story called, "Price to Pay". Please give it a go if you like Twilight. It's to help with my writers block and get me back into the swing of updating. Thank you so much for sticking with me after so long. I'm just so happy having the ability to update after so long! I won't keep you any longer. Enjoy!
"I'm fine."
"You're not fine. You're soaked to the bone and your lips are purple. No jacket. No scarf. No hat. You didn't take your phone. Look at you! Look at your head!" Olena's aggravated, yet worried, tone tugs at my heart. She pulls a blanket around me tight, before scrubbing at my hair with a kitchen towel. "Viktoria, turn on the kettle and call Dimitri to let him know she's home."
"Please, I'm fine. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to worry anyone." My voice seems to echo in my ears. My head aches from hitting the tree and my body is wracked with teeth breaking trembles from lying in the cold for god knows how long. The only thing I'm really sure of is the fact that Olena was a wreck when I wandered back into the house with a blood soaked top and icicles in my hair.
Olena's hands abruptly leave me and she stands in front of me. Hands to her hips as she stares down at me firmly.
"What happened?"
Rose.
My heart starts to pound and my trembling increases as I try to pull away from the voice invading my head.
"Rose!"
Olena's sharp tone brings me out of the dark recesses of my mind. Eyes watering, I watch her face morph from exasperation to concern. Reaching out she tries to grab my hand, but my body flinches away from her touch.
"Have you changed your mind Rosie."
"Rose... Tell me what happened. Let me help you." Her comforting words try to sink into my consciousness, but she's not fast enough to hide the hurt that briefly bloomed across her face. Guilt swarms me and my chest tightens to an uncomfortable level.
My mouth opens and closes as she waves Viktoria from the room, tea forgotten. My gaze swings wildly around the kitchen before settling on the picture on the fridge of the family. Could I do it? Could I tell her who was on the other end of the line? Could I bring my past to their door?
"You can't do anything right!"
"You're a mistake."
"How could anyone love you?"
"I…" My voice comes out small.
"Rose."
"I just want to go to bed." I finish quietly. "My head hurts and I would really like a hot shower."
"That's it?" Dimitri's voice startles me and I jump up as my gaze swings wildly toward him. His face is filled with disbelief. My heart stutters at the sight of him. "That's all you have to say?"
"Dimitri…" Olena's tone is filled with a low warning.
"No. We were worried sick." He says, brushing aside his mother. "You answer the phone and then you sprint out as if the devil was at your heels. No protective clothing. No way to contact you. What if something_."
He stops talking as he finally takes in my shirt and the crusted blood along the side of my face and neck. His eyes move from that to my lips and then take in my shivering.
"Go to your room." He says firmly, yet without anger.
"Dimitri!" Olena exclaims, but she's unheeded.
"Go to your room. Shower and then bring me your phone." Dimitri says a bit loudly. His tone leaves no room to argue, not that I have the urge to. "School, work, home. No phone. No hanging out with friends. You can help with the chores."
"Stop this now!" Olena urges. "There is no need for this."
"If she were Viktoria, she would be grounded by now." He tells her calmly. Olena grows quiet. "Unless you have anything to explain yourself?"
I feel my eyes fill with more tears and blink rapidly to hold them back. I understand. I honestly do and I will gladly take their punishment. I brought trouble to their steps and broke their rules. I...I deserve it, but I want him to understand. I stare at him and beg him with my eyes. Beg for him to see that I couldn't tell him what he wanted to hear. Something shifts in his gaze, but it disappears as I shake my head at him. Turning to walk away, I almost make it out of the kitchen when he calls my name. I glance over my shoulder.
"We...we're here for you."
Turning back around I walk out without a word.
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"She won't talk to me." Olena's voice is soft as I sit at the top of the stairs and listen. "No, she's not disrespectful...I think she's scared."
Even after serving my two week sentence, I'd refused to talk about the phone call. I didn't want them to know what it meant.
"I know you're there Rose."
With the phone call, so came the nightmares. Each night I woke drenched in sweat as my throat hurt from screaming in my sleep. Guilt ate at me as the dark shadows under Olena and Dimitri's eyes grew with each passing night.
"She's hardly eating again." Olena's voice is muffled, but her concern is clear. Guilt claws at my chest and I pinch at my top. It was baggier than usual. "To make matters worse, the social worker assigned to our case is coming to do a check up. They want to see how Rose is doing and make sure the house is up to the standard."
Leaning my head against the wall I close my eyes for a moment and try to imagine a world where life wasn't so damn complicated. Behind my eyelids colors dance and burst. My head aches and my muscles feel sore. Exhaustion rears its ugly head, but I fight it. The thought of slipping into the land of dreams has anxiety twisting in my chest and stomach. Rubbing my eyes, I stand up and hold onto the wall so I don't stumble.
"I know that I should expect some regression at times, but Abe...this is different. I'm telling you that I can feel it in my bones. This isn't regression. Something is causing this."
I can't listen to it any more. Turning I shuffle into my bedroom. Leaning against the closed door, I glance at the clock and tear up a little at the late time. My limbs feel heavy as the bright numbers remind them that it's been almost 48 hours since I last had any sleep. The sound of creaking barely catches my attention, before Dimitri appears in front of me.
"Roza, what's wrong?" His face creased with concern.
"Stop looking at me like that." I croak tiredly. "I'm just tired."
"Please tell me what's going on." He murmurs, reaching out and cupping my face. "Let me help you."
"I...I can't." I murmur back.
Disappointment washes over his face and I feel my stomach clench. Pushing his hand away I make my way over to the bed and pull back the covers. Heat behind me is the only warning before arms wrap around me. I let my eyes drift close and enjoy the warmth of his body wrapping around me.
"Stop shutting me out." He begs. His hand strokes at the bare skin of my stomach exposed b;y my thermal riding up. "Let me in."
"It's nothing." His arms tighten around me and I'm turned before being lifted onto the bed. He tilts my face up so I'll meet his eyes.
"Let me be the peace you need." His fingers stroke my cheeks and neck. "I can help."
My head spins at the thought of letting him know about the calls.
"Roza…" His voice smooths over my skin and tears burn in my eyes. "I can't watch you suffer anymore. Please...let me in."
"Rosie."
Pushing against his chest I let the slight nip in the room bring me away from the filth that floats through my mind. Nausea floats through me. My thoughts feel like a whirlwind and I find myself wanting to spew my burden into the room. To let someone else know the fear that's been eating at me for weeks. To be punished for the shame and danger I've brought to their unassuming door. I open my mouth, but only silence comes out. His body tenses beneath me, before he sighs deeply.
"You're obviously exhausted. You should get some sleep." He murmurs.
"I can't sleep." I whisper back. "I close my eyes and I can't escape."
Fingers grip my chin and tilt my head back. I let my gaze meet his.
"What can't you escape?" His question unleashes something small in me.
"My memories." I breathe.
His eyes fill with pain, but for once, I don't have the energy to flinch away. I dazedly watch as his eyes roam over my face and observe with amazement the warmth pushing away the pain. He moves his fingers to stroke my face as his other hand tightens gently on my waist. I let my eyes drift shut and lean my cheek into his palm. We say nothing as we stay that way and for the briefest moment I can feel my fears ebb away. Lips brush over mine and I smile softly, a tiny moan of pleasure sounding from me. Opening my eyes I'm almost blown away by the love in them.
"Stay with me." His voice is low and soft, as if he's afraid if he speaks normally he'll scare me off. "Stay with me and I'll chase away the memories."
I don't say anything, but I let my head nod just the slightest of nods and let him grab my hand to lead me through to his room.
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"Dimitri?" My voice echoes out into the woods surrounding me.
The massive amounts of green going as far as the eye can see. The scent of woods mixing with warm spring and wildflowers fill my senses as I stand in place. Sounds of birds singing fill the air softly and I observe the small brick path ahead of me curiously.
"Dimitri." I call out again.
I wonder if I should feel afraid at the lack of an answer. While everything seems to shine with warmth and beauty only nature can seem to provide, the lack of anything but the path makes me pause. I take a moment to look around again before sighing. Moving my feet I step forward along the bricks. The woods pass by just the same for what feels like mere minutes, before opening up. I stop in a large clearing and look at a pond with a dock on it. Further up a beautiful tree with a large bench swing and even further up that the back of a stone and wood cottage. Morning glories and honeysuckle climb up parts of it making me think fairies must've blessed it as I walk up. Upon closer inspection, the tree stands tall in the middle of what seems to be a maze of flowers. Gorgeous blooms shoot up in a vast array of colors and scents. River stone is laid in a path moving throughout the blossoms and up to the house, where it turns into a riverstone patio with a charming wooden porch.
Stepping onto the porch I admire the picturesque planters along the railing with weeds in them. I examine the small flowered blooms on them and raise an eyebrow. Who would grow weeds? Looking off the porch I take in the yard as a whole and smile at the beautiful space. In whole, the yard is more of a huge meadow with a pond and small flower garden. I smile when I see the small floating gazebo in the middle of the pond. I continue to stand and observe, the sun warming my skin. I feel like I could spend my whole life here.
"Roza!"
My eyes shoot open and blink as I adjust to the dark room compared to the bright yard of my dream. Closing my eyes again I snuggle into the blankets and smile for a completely different reason as Dimitri's arm tightens around my waist from behind. It must be the first night in almost a month that I haven't woken up screaming. Glancing at the clock I groan as the everyday responsibilities of life surface. Sighing I slowly peel back Dimitri's arm and scooch off the bed. Stretching I moan softly at the feeling of a full night's sleep washes through my body. Trying to brush off the remaining sleep in my eyes, I stumble to the bathroom and start my morning routine.
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"You look nice this morning Rosa." Olena says warmly when I come downstairs.
"Thank you, I showered." I reply lightly as I pour myself a mug of coffee.
"That is not what I meant and you know it smart mouth." She chuckles.
I nod as I savor the taste of my coffee. I watch as she flips a crepe onto a plate and slides it towards me.
"You need to eat. You're too skinny. Add some fruit too."
I want to say something, but she's right. I am too skinny. If the phone call I overheard is right I didn't have long before a social worker arrives to measure my progress. Looking around I'm surprised to see that Olena must've been scrubbing every crevice of the house. I could practically see my reflection in the hardwood floors.
"I was wondering if Viktoria would like to walk with me into town for coffee before school?" I ask as I push my plate forward for more crepes. "I need a boost of espresso."
"Viktoria stayed with a friend last night. They have a study group for finals and were up too late for her to get a ride home." She says filling up my plate.
I look down in guilt. Two weeks didn't seem like much, but life was moving on with or without me. I've been wallowing and letting my fears rule me while expecting everyone to wait with me. The act of selfishness. Soft hands stroke and lift my face. Olena smiles gently at me.
"No guilt. You've had a lot on your mind. No one is holding that against you." Her eyes search mine for a little more, before she moves back to the stove. "Now eat. Any skinnier and we'll have a living skeleton living with us."
"I am not that skinny!" I exclaim before laughing.
"You keep telling yourself that." She chuckles back. "Now eat, I heard Dimitri planning a pop quiz and an essay."
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"Who can tell me what the Jim Crow Laws were?" Dimitri's voice sounds loud in the room of note taking students.
"They were about segregation." Eddie answers without looking up from his notes.
"Very good." He praises him. "Now can anyone tell me what years they were established and enforced?"
No one makes a move to answer him. Frowning at the students in front of him he turns to start writing on the board.
"They were established in 1877 and were enforced until 1964." I respond loud enough for the room to hear me.
"Very good Hathaway. I see that at least one person took my advice and read ahead." He calls out as he finishes writing. The bell rings before he can say anything else. "I expect a four page essay on the Jim Crow Laws. I want times, facts, and an overview on how it impacted the lives of our fellow people. Do not copy and paste words. I WILL read ALL of your papers, so I will notice. On my desk Friday afternoon."
I take my time packing away my notes as people practically run to the door. Olena's warning from this morning has me smiling. Eddie stops at my desk and shakes his head at the people trying to shove their way out at the same time.
"You would think school is prison." He remarks.
"You're telling me there's no resemblance." I joke back. "The cafeteria food. Strict schedules. Professor Stan."
"Maybe a little bit." He laughs. "Hey, do you work today? I was thinking maybe you might be willing to help me out with my History notes."
"What are you talking about? You take excellent notes." I compliment him.
"I missed the last two days." He sounds concerned. "You've been kind of out of it lately. Were you sick?"
"No, just in my own world. I'm sorry." I respond while handing him my notes. "Here take these. I'll need them back tomorrow if you don't mind."
"I'll make a copy. Thanks Rose." He sounds and looks extremely grateful. "So do you work today?"
"No, but I have to run some things to Abe's with some stuff I plan to sell at his store." I explain. "Did you and Mason want to go afterwards to the coffee shop? Maybe we can study, play some poker?"
"That sounds nice, but I should get started on this essay. I'll text you if I need a break though." Smiling we fist bump before he heads out with the rest of the class. Gathering up my bag I make my way up to the front.
"Rose." Dimitri's voice stops me before I can reach the door. Turning I meet his eyes. "Need a ride home?"
"I would, but I need to go into town." I reply smiling. "I have a few errands I need to run."
"Want a ride?" He gives me a small smirk. "I have a pitstop to make though. Would that be okay with you?"
I meet his smirk with my own and nod slowly.
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Spreading my legs wider over Dimitri's hips, I feel him slide even deeper inside of me and moan loudly. The brief thought that I'm glad no one is around to witness the car rocking with our movements crosses my mind. Dimitri's fingers tighten on my waist as his hips thrust up as he pulls me down and any thought I could possibly have is shoved out of my head. Tingles shoot up my spine as he shouts at the action.
My fingers tangle in his hair and I yank his head back and bite down on his lip before soothing my tongue across it. Groaning, he moves down and bites back at my collarbone.
"Fuck…"
I can't tell who said it, but the speeding of our already frantic thrusts has me happy it was gasped. I feel a hand move away from my waist and stroke at my exposed breasts before drifting down to my skirt. Diving under it I scream and throw back my head as two fingers roughly rub against my clit.
"Yes. Yes. YES!" I chant loudly. Hair brushes against my skin before my nipple is enveloped in wet warmth. "Dimitri. Almost. There."
"Me too!" He moans around my nipple.
Grabbing onto the handle above the window I lift myself before slamming down as hard as I can. A scream erupts from me along with an aggressive shout from Dimitri as I clamp down over him as he erupts inside of me. Closing my eyes in bliss I feel myself crumple in as my body tries to absorb the waves of pleasure washing through me. Falling forward I let my head rest on his shoulder. We're both panting and it takes me a moment to pull myself together enough to make my way back into the passenger seat. I laugh a little as we readjust our clothing back into place.
"What?" He asks as he starts to back out of the parking spot.
"It just seems so silly." I laugh. "We're parked in the middle of nowhere having sex like its the last thing we're going to do."
He chuckles with me, but doesn't reply past that. Leaning back in my seat I let the enjoyment of the moment wash over me as we make our way back into town. He parks beside the bakery and we hop out.
"I'm going to head to Abe's shop. Would you mind grabbing me some coffee if you're going that way?" I ask as I wrap my scarf around my neck.
"Yes I can. I was going to grab pastries for breakfast. I think mama deserves a break from cooking."
I smile at the sentiment and grab my bag, heading into Abe's
"Kid! So good to see you. For a second I thought you'd gone back on our deal." Abe's voice teases me from behind the counter.
"No, it just took a little more time with mid semester testing coming up." I inform him as I set my bag on the counter.
Opening my big bag I pull out 3 dozen winter accessory sets. The colors range from soft to bright, all different styles. I watch as he looks through them nodding, looking impressed. Grabbing some wicker baskets he fills them before setting them in the window with a price marker.
"They're extremely nice. I'm surprised you managed to make them so fast." He remarks.
"They're easy to do. Plus it's a good stress relief." I shrug at him. "I'd suggest a gentle wash and low dry so they don't get too frizzy from the laundry. I'd suggest $30 a set and I can do custom orders." I'm all business as I hand him my folder and a box of custom cards. "Unfortunately I think doing blankets will be too much right now with school, so I've already adjusted the contract, if you're still willing to sign it."
He doesn't say anything as he signs the paperwork. Smiling at me he holds his hand out. Shaking it I smile back.
"I'll be back at the end of the week to see how things are going." I tell him, grabbing up my bag and heading out.
Cold air bites at my cheeks and nose, and I look around and notice that they're pulling down the winter lights. It makes me sad, but I know they'll be back in a year.
"One coffee. I added raspberry flavoring. I think you'll like it."
Dimitri's voice behind me makes me jump in surprise and I burst out laughing. A smile breaks out on his face and he joins me.
"It's so good to hear you laugh." He says gently.
"It feels good to laugh." I respond.
Both of us keep smiling as we head back toward the car. Blissfully I hope that it takes a while before it goes away. Happiness almost makes me forget what lurks just a phone call away.
As usual I ask for a review! I know it's been a long time, but I'm feeling a little rusty so some feedback would totally help. I've also been struggling with writer's block. I also started a new story so I can go back and forth. Am I the only one that that helps with the block lol? It's called "Price to Pay" and I have super high hopes for it. Please give it a go if you like Twilight stories!