AN: This is still Madison's friend. I don't usually post notes like this. But it has been a very scary & stressful few weeks. I could write paragraph's about the things that have happened. But that would bore you. So, I will just mention the current most important thing. Our dog Sassy has several health issues. We're worried that she has Pancreatitis again. She needs to go to the vet. But we are currently snowed in with no way to get out of our driveway. So, if you believe I'm asking (begging) you to please, pray for Sassy. If you don't believe. That's cool! I don't mean to offend anyone. But if you wouldn't mind I would LOVE it for you to send positive thoughts, or GOOD Karma out into the universe. Thank you in advance.
Chpt. 18 APOV:
I wake up for the first time since this…ordeal began not freaked out from my nightmare. For the first time I don't mind that my sleep was disturbed, that I didn't get a solid eight hours of sleep or that I even had the nightmare to begin with. For the first time, the nightmare was different; for the first time I didn't end up in that warehouse, with those…men. For the first time, I got away. The moment I realize that I practically jump out of bed and grab Teddy's monitor and rush out of the apartment, eager to tell Christian how much he helped me. For the first time, I feel almost like myself since this whole situation started.
The kitchen is empty when open the door, but that's not a real surprise because there are some nights I end up out here first although lately Christian has been out here first. I grab a bottle of water from the fridge, opening it when I hear a noise coming from the hallway. It's soft at first, but starts to get louder. I grab the monitor and head towards the hallway, quickly when I realize it's coming from Christian's room.
"Mommy….make him stop," I hear just as I reach his door. I knock several times, but don't get a response.
"Christian?" I open the door just enough to peek inside, not wanting to invade his privacy.
Christian is lying in his bed, tossing and turning, almost as if he's trying to get away from someone or something. He's mumbling and whining, something I've never heard Christian do before, but I can't make out what he's saying. I quickly close the door behind me, and call his name again hoping this time he'll hear me and wake up. He hasn't said much about his nightmares, just that they were from before the Grey's adopted him.
"OWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" he curls into a ball at the end of the bed like he's trying to hide.
"Christian, you're safe," I kneel down near the bed and try to get him to wake up again but still he doesn't respond.
"STOP! Please stop," he sobs and reaches behind him to push something imaginary away.
"Christian!" I try a little louder and this time I gently place my hand on his arm. I know it's risky because I've freaked out when he's tried to touch me after a nightmare, but I don't know what else to try. Whether it's coincidence or not, when I touch his arm he almost seems to move closer to me. I don't know how long I sit there, doing nothing more than whispering that he's okay. Eventually my legs begin to cramp so I slip off my shoes and sit on the edge of the bed next to him. He moves over just enough so I have enough room, but keeps close to me. I listen as his breathing slows, becoming more steady as he falls back to sleep. I wait a few more minutes, until I'm sure he's fully asleep and gently slip off the bed.
"Ana," Christian's groan startles me and I instantly freeze when he wraps his hand around my wrist. "Ana, stay."
I turn back around towards him to find his eyes closed; I nearly question whether what I heard even happened until I glance down and see his hand still holding my wrist. He's never asked me for anything, so for him to ask this of me now, even in his sleep, is something I can't turn down. I sit back on the bed and immediately he moves over, this time to the center of the bed. I put the monitor on his nightstand before laying down next to him. His bed is soft and smells just like him. He slips his arm under the pillow my head rests on; without thinking I lean in to his touch. I figure I'll lie here for a little longer, until he's definitely asleep this time and then I'll quietly head back out to the balcony.
I don't know how long I lay there, or when exactly I fell asleep for that matter. I wake up suddenly, to a dark room with my head on Christian's bare shoulder and my hand on his chest, when I feel him tense around me. Without looking up I know he's awake and probably trying to figure out why I'm in his bed and how I ended up here.
"Hi," probably the stupidest thing to say, but it comes out of my mouth before I can consider it.
"Hi," he says.
After a somewhat awkward moment of silence, I decide I should return to my room and save us both any further embarrassment. I start to sit up but I'm quickly stopped when Christian's arm tightens around me.
"What are you doing here Ana?" he asks and immediately I wince at his words.
"I'm sorry-" I start to push myself away from him, just wanting to escape without any further embarrassment.
"Don't be," he argues. "I've imagined you here thousands of times Ana."
"You have?"
"Fuck Ana…you have no idea," he catches me completely by surprise when he leans down and softly kisses me. "Just trying to figure out how you ended up here without me knowing."
"I…I woke up and you weren't out there yet; I figured you'd be out soon; we seem to meet up at the same time."
"We do."
"I was getting a drink in the kitchen when I heard…."
"Oh," he winces probably realizing what exactly I overheard.
"I knocked, but you didn't respond. The door was unlocked; I only came in to try to wake you up. I thought maybe I'd be able to, before it got bad."
"I didn't hurt you did I?" It's dark in here, but not too dark; I watch him intently look over my arms and face as if he's looking for evidence of an injury.
"No!" I assure him quickly. "Actually it was just the opposite."
"What do you mean?"
"I…I touched your arm to try to wake you up, but instead you seemed to settle down. I sat down next you and waited until you fell back to sleep. When I tried to leave, you…"
"What did I do?"
"You reached out for me and said stay. So I did."
"You stayed."
"I didn't mean to fall asleep," I point out quickly. "I don't usually fall back to sleep after…but I guess I was more tired than I thought."
"You had another nightmare."
"I did," I smile remembering why I came out of the room to begin with. "But it was different this time."
"How so?"
"This time, I fought back," I explain. "Instead of going with them, I fought back. I didn't freeze, and even though I couldn't reach my gun or the knife, I still was able to fight back. I got away Christian! That's never happened in the nightmare before; no matter how many times they've changed I've never once fought back during one of them."
"I'm happy for you Ana."
"Thank you Christian," I lean up and kiss him. "I don't know how, but you knew exactly what I needed."
"Ana I didn't-"
"You did," when he tries to argue I simply kiss him again.
With an arm still around me, he rolls to his side and brings me closer to him. I feel alive again; I feel wanted, needed and desired. I feel like the person I was before this began is starting to come back again. And I know that the man who is kissing me and holding me against him, is the person responsible for that. When he pulls back, we're both breathless and there's no denying the lust Christian's eyes; I know in that moment he wants me just as much as I want him. It's the worst possible timing to even be considering starting something, especially with Christian, but right now the only thing I can think about is how much I care for this man who until a few weeks ago was a complete stranger.
"Christian," I whisper.
"Hmmmm?"
I lean up and kiss him again; hoping to pour into the kiss just how much I want him and care about him. Surprisingly both of us, I reach over and tug him closer me; I can't stop the moan that escapes from me when I feel just how much he wants me. His arm tightens around my back, the other rests on my waist; he kisses me as if he can't get enough. Never have I ever felt like this before. Simply being in his arms makes me forget everything else that is going.
"Ana," he surprises me by suddenly pulling away.
"Christian…"
"We should stop."
"I don't want you to stop."
"Ana if we don't…" he rocks his hips against me, as if to tell me something I don't already know. He doesn't seem to realize that I'm aware of how he's feeling right now or that I'm feeling the exact same way. This…whatever it is between us, has been brewing for a while. It may have been our nightmares in the middle of the night that we first bonded over, but it's gone beyond that. I'm done trying to convince myself that we shouldn't do this because the timing flat out sucks. For once I want to do something for me, without thinking of all the other shit going on around me. I take a deep breath, hoping like hell that Christian won't reject what I'm about to ask him because if he does I don't know how I'll ever look him in the eye again.
"Make love to me Christian," I whisper.
"Ana…"
I hold my breath, waiting for him to say no; I can almost hear him telling me that this isn't a good idea, or that he doesn't want me the way I want him. Or saying what's been going through my head since the moment he kissed me for the first time on the floor of his office, the timing couldn't be any worse. Or saying that I have too much on my plate right now to even considering taking on something else; or that I come with too much baggage-
"Are you sure?" he asks.
"Yes," I close the small distance between us and kiss him; his arm tightens around me but otherwise he doesn't move. "I want you Christian."
"Fuck Ana," he hisses. "I've wanted you for so fucking long; are you sure though? We don't need to do anything if you don't want to."
"I. want. you," I pause between each word. "If you don't-"
"I do," he interrupts before I can even get the words out. "Don't doubt that Ana; I fucking want you more than I've ever wanted anyone before."
"Christian," his words surprise me.
"I just want to make sure that you're sure," he leans down letting his lips just barely touch mine.
"I'm sure Christian; make love to me."
"Ana," his groan is my only warning before he crushes his lips against mine. I don't know what changes, but it's as if the last little bit of restraint breaks and Christian gives in to what we both want. My leg is over his thigh, though I can't say how or when it got there. I grip his arm tightly just as his hips thrust against mine. His hand slides under my shirt as he cautiously moves upward, ever so slowly making his way to my breasts. He takes one in hand, groaning.
"You don't know how long I've thought about touching you like this," he admits.
I reach between us slowly, easily finding his erection which is when I realize that he's only wearing a pair of underwear. His hips jerk towards me the moment I wrap my hand around him. He moans my name as he teases my nipple. His arm remains tightly wrapped around my back, holding me close to him as if he thought I might leave his bed. Little does he realize, that I'm more worried about him telling me we should stop again.
"You're so beautiful Ana," he whispers his lips so close to mine I can feel them move.
"Christian," his words leave me speechless.
"Say the word, at any time baby, and we stop," he pulls back enough so our eyes meet. "Nothing happens that you don't want to."
"I know, Christian," I assure him. "I trust you."
"I need…to get protection," he mumbles against my lips before kissing me again.
I watch as he slips from the bed and heads into his walk in closet; I only briefly wonder why he heads into there to get a condom when most guys keep them in a drawer next to their bed where they can easily reach them. The site of his ass when he walks away stops any thoughts of anything other than what's about to happen between us. I slip off my clothes keeping under the blankets just before Christian walks into the room. He puts a strip of condoms on the nightstand before slipping back under the blanket, sliding across the bed until he reaches me.
"Fuck Ana," he groans realizing I'm naked.
Rather than saying anything, I reach out to him and tug down his underwear ; he lifts his hips up so I can ease them the rest of the way down. He kicks them from the bed before turning on his side to face me, leaning down to kiss me again. His lips are soft and gentle against mine as his hands explore my body for the first time. I feel him tense briefly when I run my hands down his chest, but it's gone before I can give it a second thought. His tongue tangles with mine as we both try to taste one another; our bodies rub up against each other as we explore each other.
"Christian," I moan when his hand slips between my legs teasing my sex. I reach over, taking him in my hand, stroking his hardness until he groans.
"Don't," he puts his hand over mine and for a moment I think he's rejecting me. "If you don't want this to end quickly, you can't….it's been too long. Baby, I've wanted you for too damn long."
"I'm yours, Christian," I whisper. His eyes pop open at my words as I obviously surprised him, but it's the truth. There's been something about him since the moment we met and the nights we've spent on the balcony has only intensified that. I love how protective he is of not just me but of Teddy; I love how he doesn't think my fears are irrational and I love how much he cares for both of us. He doesn't ignore Teddy or see him as an inconvenience; he simply accepts that we're a package deal.
"You're sure Ana?" Christian asks.
"Yes," without a doubt.
Blindly, he reaches over and the strip of condoms from the nightstand and quickly tears one off. Once the condom is in place, he slips a finger into me causing me to arch into him wanting more. His lips are on mine, swallowing my cry when his thumb rubs against my clit. He flips us over so he's above me, his fingers never leaving my body, keeping me right on the edge. He groans when I suck his bottom lip into my mouth, his hips arching into me as we both breathe heavier.
He pulls back again, it takes me several moments to open my eyes; when I do I find him looking down on me. I nod, hoping I'm answering the unasked question I assume that's going through his head. Reaching between us, I guide him to me; he lowers himself so he rests on both of his elbows letting me take control. His lips meet mine, just as our bodies connect; we both moan the moment he enters me, stretching me as my body adjusts to him.
"You feel…." He whispers against my ear.
"So good," I reply.
Our moves are coordinated, as if we've done this dozens of times before with each other. I wrap my legs around his hips, pulling him into me when the need becomes too much. He's careful, but doesn't treat me as if I'm made of glass either. Like other times, it's as if he knows what I need even when I don't. Keeping his weight on one arm, he reaches between teasing my nipple until-
"CHRISTIAN!"
"Fuck….Ana," he hisses as he thrusts into me one final time, following me over the cliff.
Before completely collapsing, he has the wherewithal to roll us over, so we're both laying on our sides our connection still intact. His arm is wrapped around me, holding me close to him just as my leg is wrapped around his holding him against me. We're both breathing heavy, neither of us saying anything for several long minutes. I wait for the awkward feeling that usually follows sex with someone for the first time, but it never comes. The silence is comfortable between us, just like it always has been.
"I meant to take my time with you, to kiss every inch of your beautiful body," he leans down and kisses me gently. "But, baby you felt too damn good."
"I'm not complaining," I giggle. "But next time…"
"Next time," I can feel him smile against my lips.
He slips out of bed to take care of condom as I snuggle into his pillow, taking in a deep breath and the smell that is Christian. A few minutes later he slips into bed next to me, and gently urges me to lay on my side. We fall asleep just like that, my back to his chest, with his arm wrapped around my waist neither of us bothering to put back on our pajamas. I fall asleep shortly after he comes back to bed, not waking up again until I hear Teddy moving around in the crib. He's not awake yet but it's his usual sign that he's going to wake up soon. I quickly slip out of Christian's bed and quickly throw my pajamas back on before I head out of his room.
"Morning Ana," Gail nods as I walk into the kitchen.
"Morning," my face grows red at the realization that she likely has no doubt that I just came out of Christian's bedroom.
I take the quickest shower, getting out just as Teddy is waking up. He usually wakes up in a pretty playful mood, but every so often will wake up hungry and demand his bottle right away. The last thing I want is to be in the shower and have him screaming for me because he's hungry. Thankfully today isn't one of those mornings and he plays in his crib happily while I finish in the shower and get changed. I quickly change and dress Teddy before heading out into the smaller kitchen to prepare his body.
"Good morning Ana," Jason greets me.
"Morning Jason," I hand Teddy to him when he puts his arms out for him.
"Mr. Grey asked you to have breakfast with him when you have a moment," he says.
"Oh, um sure," talk about awkward.
I grab a burp cloth and the bottle before taking Teddy back from Jason; heading out to the main apartment I find Christian sitting at the dining room table already typing away on his phone. He looks up the moment I enter the room, smiling at both me and Teddy. I can feel the heat rise to my face when I remember how his lips felt against mine just a couple of hours ago.
"Morning," he stands to greet me, using the table for support as his crutches are leaning up against the wall behind me.
"Morning," I smile and take the seat across from him.
"How's the little guy doing?"
"He's good…just woke up a few minutes ago."
"My mom called me this morning to remind me of dinner on Sunday."
"Oh, I completely forgot about that. I can still cancel if you want-"
"No, I want you both to come," he interrupts quickly. We had this conversation earlier in the week when his mom first suggested Teddy and I come for dinner. "It'll be good for you both to get out of the apartment a little. The weather is supposed to be nice, so dinner will probably be outside. I'm sure Teddy would love to play in the grass."
"What would we tell your family? I mean, obviously your mother knows what happened and who I am but…"
"Like my mom suggested, we'll come up with something."
"What if…what if your sister or brother post something on social media? What if they post a picture of me or Teddy? What if he sees it and figures out where we are? What if-"
"Relax Ana," Christian hobbles over to the other side of the table and takes my hand in his. "Because of my business and the fact that I'm often in the media, we have very strict social media rules even with my family. They know they can't mention my name, or any of my employee's names, or post any pictures, without talking to me first. I have PR staff whose primary job it is to monitor what is posted on social media even by my family members. If they were to slip and post something, say they forgot about the rule that has been in place for years, my team would have it down within minutes. But, Mia and Elliot, they know and understand why they can't post something. And trust me neither of my parents even know what Facebook is let alone know how to post on it."
"You're sure?" I ask.
"Positive Ana. They won't post anything about you or Teddy."
"Okay," I let out the breath I was holding. "You're right, Teddy would probably love being outside and it would be nice to meet the rest of your family."
"I was hoping you would agree to come," he smiles and leans over to kiss me quickly on the cheek. He offers Teddy his finger, which of course he immediately grabs onto tightly smiling up at Christian as he looks down at him.
"So…we just need a cover story to explain who I am. I think it would look weird if we said my dad was friends with Taylor and I was visiting him right? I mean, not that I was visiting him would be weird but that I was coming with you to your family's house right? So we'll have to come up with something else-"
"We tell them the truth."
"Which is?" I'm confused because I know Christian isn't suggesting we tell his family that I'm on the run from my sister's crazy ex who killed her and is has tried to kill me.
"That we're dating."