Life # 54: That time Harry and Tom were theme park vloggers
Orlando, Florida, 2014
Harry was busy editing the video of their recent trip to Cedar Point in Ohio when Tom came bursting into their office.
"Josh just texted me that they're soft opening Diagon Alley right now!" Tom said while gesturing frantically at Harry to stop working.
"Fuck!" Harry quickly hit save and then jumped out of his chair, almost bowling Tom over in his hurry to get going. "What about dinner?"
"I hadn't started cooking yet. The meat will hold until tomorrow in the fridge," Toms said while their corgi named Toby pranced around their feet, thinking they were going for a walk.
"You let the dogs in the yard and I'll nuke a couple of the freezer breakfast burritos I made last week," Harry said while collecting their camera and his backpack and a water bottle. "I need to eat something or I'll pass out before we even get to Universal."
"Sure. Grab my backpack as well, please. Oh, and the spare camera battery that's still in the charger." Tom opened the backdoor and urged their senior golden retriever mix named Angel to go do her business outside.
Harry frantically moved around the house, grabbing everything they needed. They'd been waiting for weeks now for the soft opening of Diagon Alley in Universal Studios Wizarding World of Harry Potter. It was rather a big deal, not just because of their own original identities, but also because they made a living vlogging about theme parks. And Diagon Alley was a highly anticipated addition to Universal which meant that any videos they made of it as soon as possible would get hundreds of thousands, if not millions of views easily.
The microwave dinged and Harry juggled the two piping hot burritos while he hurried to the car parked in the driveway to load everything up.
"Don't give me that look," Tom said to a disappointed Toby who was giving them both intense looks full of betrayal. "You'll both be fine for a few hours."
"We'll go for a nice long hike tomorrow," Harry added, giving Toby a few scratches behind his enormous ears before pulling the front door closed. Tom hopped behind the wheel while Harry slid into the passenger's seat, only remembering to pick up the burritos at the last moment lest he sit right on top of them.
"I'm so excited!" Harry said in between bites of his burrito while Tom drove them towards interstate 4. "This is so fucking exciting."
Tom gave him an amused look while he ate his own burrito.
"It's not my fault I get this excited," Harry said a bit defensively once he finished his impromptu dinner. "I was never allowed to have fun as a child this life."
Harry had been born into a strict Mormon family. He was one of the younger kids in a family of 11, which meant he had 8 siblings. Unfortunately most of Harry's family had firmly rejected and even disowned him when Harry met Tom, got his memories of his previous lives back, and decided to turn his back on the church to go live in sin with his brand new boyfriend. It was unfortunate that things turned out like that, but at least Tom's family, who were originally from Orlando, were much more accepting of their son's sexuality and choice in partners. Harry kept in touch with three of his siblings, who'd also turned their backs on the church. He hadn't spoken to his parents in years, though.
"We've more than made up for that by now," Tom said while he tapped his thumbs against the steering wheel. "We go to theme parks for a living, for fuck's sake."
Harry grinned at him. "Yeah, I know. This is definitely one of the most amazing jobs we've ever had."
They hadn't planned on becoming theme park vloggers. Harry had met Tom while Tom attended the University of Utah in Salt Lake City where Harry worked a part-time job in a McDonalds near the campus. Tom had just started on a degree in architecture but after getting his memories back he realized he didn't want to go over 100k into debt for a degree he might not even end up using. Instead he had dropped out of university while he and Harry set up a little web development business, which earned them a nice enough living for a while.
They moved to Orlando to be near Tom's family and naturally they'd gotten annual passes to all the theme parks in the area. What had started as a simple YouTube channel about the fun they had while visiting Disney and Universal had grown into a popular channel that paid their bills well enough while they travelled around the world, documenting their visits to every theme park imaginable. They had become quite the roller coaster connoisseurs in the process.
"It certainly beats sitting on our asses all day building websites," Tom said with a chuckle. He glanced at Harry with a raised eyebrow when Harry got out a tube of sunscreen from his backpack and proceeded to apply it on his face and arms. "What are you bothering with sunscreen for? It's almost six in the evening."
Harry gave Tom a disbelieving look. "We live in the skin cancer capitol of the world."
"I'm pretty sure that's Australia," Tom muttered while he stared at the traffic in front of them.
"Oh." Harry frowned. "So what's Florida the capitol of then? I know it's the capitol of something."
"Lightning, I think," Tom said with a shrug.
"I hate lightning." Harry leaned forward and peered out of the car window. "We might actually get some thunderstorms soon judging by that sky."
"It would be a bigger surprise if we didn't get them in July in Florida, to be honest."
"Fair enough," Harry said quietly. He loved living in Orlando because of their proximity to Disney World and Universal Studios, but he doubted he'd ever get used to the heat and the frequent thunderstorms. Tom, who had grown up there, was used to it a lot more.
It took them a good half hour to get to Universal and by the time Tom parked their car in the parking garage Harry was about ready to burst out of his skin with enthusiasm. Even the drizzle of rain that greeted them inside the park couldn't spoil his good mood. Harry pulled his raincoat out of his backpack with practised ease and quickly slipped it on as they hurried towards the newly constructed Diagon Alley.
"Hopefully they'll still let us in," Tom managed to say as he pulled his own raincoat on while all but running through the park.
"What?" Harry gaped at Tom while he almost bowled over a couple of German tourists. "Don't say that! You'll jinx us!"
Thankfully they got there in time and were still allowed to slip inside the dark tunnel that opened up in the Muggle version of the wizarding shopping street.
"Oh wow," Harry said, mouth falling open as they both stood still to take in the sight before them. "It looks nothing like Diagon Alley, and yet I still love it."
"I've got the camera rolling," Tom muttered by way of warning to keep talk of their previous lives to a minimum.
Harry gave a dismissive wave. "I'll edit it out later." He gave the camera a big smile. "We're here! Finally we get to see what Diagon Alley looks like and it doesn't disappoint so far. It looks amazing." While Harry walked ahead Tom trailed after him while carefully manoeuvring the camera to get the best shots of their surroundings.
Several visitors were waving their wands at shop windows and other landmarks, making all sorts of things move and lights flash.
"Oh no!" Harry gave Tom a wide-eyed look. "We forgot to bring our wands!"
Tom looked very much like he wanted to roll his eyes.
Harry glanced around frantically and then heaved a sigh of relief. "They've got an Ollivander's! I'm buying a new wand."
"For fuck's sake," Tom called after Harry. "We've already got plenty of those useless things."
Harry ignored his soulmate and fifteen minutes later he stepped out of a cramped Muggle version of the famous wand shop holding another wand to add to his collection at home. "I got Hermione's wand," Harry said with a happy little smile while he showed it off to Tom. "Her wand has always worked well for me."
This time Tom didn't stop himself from rolling his eyes. "It's a piece of plastic."
"It's a business expense," Harry said just a bit snootily. "I got the receipt so we can write it off our taxes."
That seemed to appease Tom a bit and he got the camera rolling again while Harry happily tried out the various points where you could wave your wand around. He made a toilet flush and eyes blink and a mermaid statue spritz water at unsuspecting visitors.
"This is a surprising amount of fun," Harry said, showing off Hermione's wand by aiming it at the camera. Just then the huge dragon that was perched right on top of the Escape from Gringotts building started roaring. Tom immediately moved the camera towards it and filmed it releasing a huge burst of fire.
"Awesome!" Harry crowed while the crowd around them went wild. "Too bad the Escape from Gringotts ride isn't open yet. I can't wait to ride it."
"Yeah, that should be an interesting experience," Tom agreed while he zoomed out a little to show off the building.
"I heard Voldemort has a starring role in it," Harry couldn't help point out with a cheeky grin.
Tom carefully didn't rise to Harry's bait. "Like I said, it will be an interesting ride."
They went to Knockturn Alley next.
"Why is it so fucking dark in here?" Harry muttered, barely able to see anything.
"Because the muggles don't realize Knockturn Alley is simply the slums of the wizarding world," Tom whispered as they tried to make out their surroundings. "A place where the poor and undesirables are forced to live because they can't afford to live anywhere else."
"Yeah, but they still need to be able to see." Harry almost walked into the person in front of him. To his left a collection of shrunken heads in a shop window began to sing. "What the fuck? What is the obsession with shrunken human heads? We don't actually have them in the wizarding world."
Chuckling, Tom aimed his camera at the display. "That production designer who added them to the third movie certain deserves a raise for how much their idea is still being milked years later."
Harry shook his head in disappointment and turned away only to be met by the wanted poster for Sirius Black. A strange wave of melancholia swept through him. If only his beloved godfather knew how many muggles ended up adoring him. Well, a fictional version of him at any rate. Harry sighed. "Let's just go back to the light."
Tom quickly got a few more shots for their video and then they left that dark hole in a hurry.
On the small stage in the main part of the alley a few performers were putting up a show about the Tale of the Three Brothers using some amazing puppetry. Harry watched it, completely mesmerized.
"That's very well done," Tom murmured as he recorded the show.
Harry nodded in agreement. "Yeah, that looks great." It was strange, though, to see the story about the Deathly Hallows being performed in the open like that. Officially, Tom and Harry didn't know for certain that their strange fates were caused by the Hallows. Unofficially, they were pretty much certain Harry being the Master of Death caused their endless reincarnation to happen because what else could it be?
Next on the stage was an amazing singer who was supposed to be Celestina Warbeck.
"She's much better than the real Celestina Warbeck could ever even hope to be," Tom said with a relieved look on his face.
"Yeah, this music is actually great," Harry agreed, also feeling more than a little relieved. He well remembered the real Warbeck's warbling. Molly had certainly loved that singer a lot and Harry had to suffer through her songs whenever there was a gathering at the Burrow in his first life. He still hadn't fully recovered from that, even over 50 lifetimes later, he was sure.
"Let's see if we can find something to eat," Tom said after the singer ended her performance. Harry gave her a huge round of applause while Tom looked around to find a restaurant.
"I saw the Leaky Cauldron earlier." Harry led the way to the muggle version of the wizarding pub.
"It's a lot cleaner than the real thing, I'll give them that," Harry said as they stepped into the restaurant. It looked nothing like the real thing, not that Harry had expected it would.
"It's also a lot more expensive." Tom gave the menu a critical onceover while they stood in line. "Let's just order something quick now and we'll come back another time for a dedicated restaurant review video."
"Works for me," Harry easily agreed. They loved doing restaurant review videos of all the places you could eat in Orlando's theme parks. Those videos were usually quite popular, too, and were easy earners for them.
They both got the fish and chips. "They really dare to charge 17 bucks for this?" Tom said while he stared down at his plastic plate in quiet outrage. "Three small pieces of fried cod and seven fried potato wedges."
Harry bit into a piece of fish. "It's pretty good, actually," he said after swallowing his mouthful. "But yeah, it is absurdly expensive, but that's what you get in a theme park."
Tom tried his own fish and had to concur that at least it tasted fine even if they were being charged a king's ransom for the meal.
For dessert they went to Fortescue's Ice cream shop where they got butterbeer flavoured ice cream.
Harry moaned while he ate a spoonful. "This is so fucking good, holy crap."
Curiously, Tom tried his own ice cream and then gave Harry a surprised but pleased look. "Someone should market this in the real Diagon Alley. They'd make a fortune."
"Next time we're wizards in the UK," Harry said with a wink and a chuckle and then eagerly finished his dessert.
Since the crowds weren't as packed anymore as before, Tom and Harry were able to visit some of the shops.
"Aww," Harry said when he noticed a whole array of snowy owls inside the Magical Menagerie. He would always miss his first feathery friend, no matter it had been thousands of years since he'd had her by his side.
"You already have three Hedwigs at home," Tom said, though his smile was soft and understanding. Then he glanced around the shop and frowned. "Why is there never a plush toy of Nagini?"
Harry snorted, melancholic mood gone at once. "Because she was a murderous bitch that ate people?"
"Hm." Tom didn't look at all impressed while he narrowed his eyes at Harry. "Perhaps."
They got some footage for their video, with Harry gushing over all the adorable plushies, and then they moved onto Madam Malkin's where they admired the many wizarding robes. "These Hogwarts uniforms look a lot better than the real thing," Harry mused as he held up a Gryffindor set.
"I hate to say it but I agree with you." Tom briefly turned off the camera. "Then again, these are designed by professional designers. The actual Hogwarts uniforms were put together hundreds of years ago by a bunch of backwater witches and wizards who were many things, but a professional seamstress was not one of them."
Harry couldn't hold back a bout of laughter at Tom's assessment of Hogwarts' founders.
Finally they ended up back in Knockturn Alley. "There's a shop here, too," Harry said in quiet amazement. "I hadn't even noticed at first, what with the crowds and the darkness."
Borgin and Burkes was Death Eater themed, to say the least. It sold Death Eater masks and costumes and T-shirts with all sorts of Death Eater slogans on them.
Leaning closer to Tom, Harry whispered, "Can you imagine the look on Lucius or Bellatrix's face should they ever find out that the Death Eaters ended up as overpriced Muggle merchandise in a theme park?"
"It's a genuine shame that we'll probably never find out what their reaction would be," Tom agreed and then turned the camera on for some final footage.
They left the park right around closing time, both exhausted from all the new things they'd seen. Harry leaned back in the passenger seat of the car while Tom drove them out of the parking garage.
"That was great," Harry mumbled, eyes half closed. "I mean, it looked nothing like the real thing, but it was still great."
"Yeah, the design and execution was top notch," Tom said while taking a left turn. "I've got several ideas for future videos to record there already."
"Good." Harry briefly closed his eyes, quietly processing all the new information while Tom drove them home. "I do miss magic."
"Hm?" Tom quickly glanced at Harry before focusing his attention back onto the road.
"I mean, I don't mind being Muggles," Harry explained while he blinked his eyes open again. "But whenever we don't have magic I do miss it."
Tom's brows furrowed down as he obviously gave that some thought. "I don't. Not really."
That made Harry sit up and stare at Tom in astonishment. "Really? Lord fucking Voldemort doesn't miss magic when he's forced to live as a muggle for the majority of his lives?"
"I did at first," Tom said with an amused little smile aimed straight at Harry. "The first couple of lives when we were muggles I was definitely pissed off that I didn't have any magic. But not anymore."
"Why?" Harry couldn't keep the incredulity out of his voice. "How can you not miss it?"
"Because it doesn't change anything in the end," Tom said, his gaze steady and his voice calm while he gave Harry a look full of sympathy. "Are you happier when you're a magical person than when you're a muggle?"
That question actually brought Harry up short. "Huh."
"Because I'm not," Tom said, focusing his eyes on the road again. "While magic is fun and amazing, it doesn't make me happier than when I'm living as a muggle. It's kind of like having a lot of money. It's fun and convenient to be wealthy but in the end it doesn't make me happier."
"I suppose," Harry said slowly while his mind was spinning in circles under the weight of this sudden revelation. "I'm very happy this life, like the life before…" Harry stopped talking at once.
"Bad example," Tom said with a knowing look.
"Yeah," Harry sighed. Their previous life had been a shitshow that ended prematurely. Harry had been a thirteen year old girl in Syria who'd ended up married against her will to a thirty year old man who eagerly used his new wife in whatever way he pleased no matter her objections. Tom was Harry's neighbour in Harry's new home, also a young girl married against her will to an older man. They'd seen no way out of their situation at first, but after her dearest husband had raped her for the umpteenth time, Harry had enough. She'd slit her husband's throat after he'd gone to sleep and then she'd snuck into Tom's house and stabbed Tom's husband to death as well. Tom, fifteen and 8 months pregnant at the time, had thankfully enough sense left to make Harry change her blood splattered clothes while she stole her late husband's car. They made a mad dash for the border in a desperate bid to escape. Since Tom was pregnant she didn't want to simply kill herself like they might have done otherwise to start a new life.
Unfortunately several extended family members found the bodies of the murdered men and chased Tom and Harry down in a small army of cars, eventually driving them off the road at breakneck speed, which ended up killing them both.
"The life before that was great though," Tom pointed out, obviously trying to pull Harry out of the horrible memories he'd fallen into.
"Yeah, it was," Harry agreed with a tentative smile. They'd lived in South-Africa. Harry had been a game warden in Kruger Park while Tom had worked for an aid organization that provided free healthcare for the poor. They'd had not a speck of magic and they weren't wealthy by any means, but they had enjoyed living that life immensely. Then Harry remembered something and he frowned. "I did get struck by lightning that one time while I was out tracking a rhino."
"But you survived," Tom said with a dismissive little wave. "You were fine."
"It was still traumatizing," Harry muttered.
"Do you even remember it?"
"Well, no. One moment I was standing beside my jeep, looking through my binoculars and the next thing I know I woke up in the hospital, but still… the idea was certainly traumatizing." Harry crossed his arms and gave Tom a mock glare. "But I get your point of what you were trying to say. Having magic, or wealth, is a bonus, but they're not necessary for happiness."
"Exactly," Tom said softly while giving Harry a fond look. "Look at our current lives. We don't have magic and we're not particularly wealthy, but I'm very happy living this life with you."
"Me, too," Harry said while he contemplated Tom's conclusion. They made a nice living vlogging about theme parks but they were by no means rich. They had no debt, besides a modest mortgage, and while they travelled a lot for work they otherwise were pretty frugal in their day to day lives, like they usually were unless they had millions in the bank. "It's like there's this goldilocks zone of comfortable living. Make sure you're debt-free, live within your means, have some savings, prepare for retirement, and if you can manage all that you can live a happy life quite easily."
"That's a good way of putting it," Tom agreed after a moment of thought. "Ultimately life is what you make of it with the means you've been given for it."
"And having a soulmate there with you every step of the way also helps," Harry said with a grin.
Tom gave Harry a brief look that was full of adoration. "That is certainly true."
They remained quiet for a few minutes until Harry said, "But you can't deny that seeing a fictional version of your own life is fucking awesome, even if they got the taste of butterbeer completely wrong."
Tom rolled his eyes and released an exasperated sigh. "It tastes better than the swill they serve in the real wizarding world."
"It does not!" Harry sat up in outrage at once. "I can't believe you said that."
"And I can't believe you yet again spent actual money on a piece of plastic that you dare call a wand, but here we are," Tom said, his expression full of challenge.
"Ugh, I can't believe I'm stuck living every fucking life with you," Harry muttered, staring out the side window with a vengeance. "You know what you should do? Apply for a job with the fun police. You'd be very good at it, telling others what they can or cannot do for fun with their own money." Harry grabbed the plastic wand and aimed it at Tom's head while he scrunched up his own face in concentration.
"What are you doing?" Tom asked, unable to hold back a grin.
"Trying to turn you into a pigeon but luckily for you it's not working." Harry lowered the wand with a small huff of frustration. "Mark my words, Tom, the next time we have magic I'm transfiguring you."
"I love you so fucking much," Tom said with a ridiculously sappy smile while he turned into their street.
"Yeah, yeah," Harry sighed while glancing at his stupid soulmate. "Love you, too, you ridiculous muggle."