Chpt. 38 CPOV:
"I think you should marry Ana," I blurt out.
"What?!" Taylor screams.
"I think you should marry Ana," I repeat.
"That's what you want?" Ana whispers.
"Yes, I -"
I don't get to finish before Ana takes off running, I'm about to take after her when Taylor grabs my wrist and yanks me back.
"What the fuck man?" I nearly punch him for holding me back.
"What the fuck? Are you fucking kidding me? You drop a fucking bomb on us and then think you have the right to go after her? You think after you just told her you didn't want to marry her, to marry us, that you're the one she wants to talk to right now?"
"That's not what I said!" I snap.
"That's exactly what you fucking said!"
No…it wasn't…was it?
"But…fuck, that's not what I meant."
"You better fucking figure out what you meant because her fucking heart is breaking. We both thought you were saying…you didn't want to marry either of us. That you were stepping back, or fuck I don't know maybe wanting to keep this quiet. With the wedding actually being planned-"
"Fuck that's not it," I grab his neck and pull him to me until my lips crush against his. I pour into them just how wrong he is, that I do want to spend the rest of my life with them…at least that's what I hope I'm conveying with the kiss. My arms wrap around him, holding him close to me, kissing him completely until he finally relaxes against me.
"Go find her," he steps back.
"You sure?"
I'm torn; I need to know things are okay between him and I but I also need to go make things right between me and Ana. I can't believe I just blurted it out there like that but I had been so nervous about talking to them about this for the last couple of days and it just…came out.
"We're going to stand here, in this backyard if that's where you both want, the three of us," I kiss him again taking off before he can respond. I can only hope that what I said and what he felt is enough to hold him over until I can find Ana and get the two of them together.
I didn't hear a car take off, not that I think she could have left as I have the keys to the truck we drove here. Though I suppose she could have gone inside and asked Elliot and Kate to take her home…fuck would she have even gone home? I'm about to turn around and run back to the house when the boathouse catches my eye in the distance; I quickly take off for it. It's the only place that Ana could be hiding out here, though I'm not confident that's where she is because her and Taylor never made it here when they took a walk last time.
"Ana!" I yell as soon as I open the door.
"Go away," she mumbles from upstairs in the loft.
Thank fuck; I rush through the room and take the stairs two at a time until I finally reach the loft. It takes a moment for my eyes to adjust to the darkness and my heart nearly breaks at the site before me. She's lying on her stomach on the small twin bed that's up here, her body shaking as she sobs.
"Ana-"
"I said go away."
"Please let me explain."
"Explain what? That you're running? That you're scared, that this is too much, that you want to hide and pretend the three of us don't exist?"
"Ana-"
"What? Things got real all of sudden and it was too much right? Fuck, I should be used to this…I should be used to people running when they get freaked out. I thought you were different, I thought-"
"Fuck baby," I'm on the bed, my arms wrapped around her, holding her against me despite her attempts to push me away. "I'm not leaving, I'm not running-"
"That's exactly what you're doing!" she sobs. "You're freaked out, you think…I don't know what the hell you think but suddenly talking about the wedding freaked you out so you're running and hiding. I'm not going to live in secret and pretend that the three of us aren't together, that what we have-"
"I don't want you to hide," I roll her over so I'm above her and kiss her the same way I kissed Taylor only minutes ago. It's a dick move to be over her like this, considering I'm bigger than she is, but if this is what it takes to stop her from pushing me away, so she can listen to me, I'll do it. I can't let her push me away; I can't let her think that I'm like her mother and will run when shit gets real.
"I love you, baby," I say against her lips. "You and Taylor, you both are my life; you both are the reason I wake up every morning, you're the reason I come home from work every day, you're my future…both of you."
"Then why don't you want to marry us?" she whispers.
"Fuck baby, I do want to marry you both," I take a deep breath, which is what I should have done out there before I blurted out that I thought Ana should marry Taylor. "Next month, if you'll still have me, I want to stand out there in front of my family and our friends and vow to spend the rest of my life taking care of and loving both you and Taylor."
"I don't…understand, you said-"
"It came out wrong, so fucking wrong," I lower my head to her neck sighing when her hands land on my ribs. It's not enough, but I'll fucking take anything she has to give right now. I need her touch me, need to feel her warm skin against mine more than I need my next breath right now. "I've…I've been thinking about this for the last couple of days; I was nervous and blurted out something I shouldn't have without explaining first."
"You said you wanted me to marry Taylor," she holds her breath.
"I did, but I wasn't talking about the wedding that we're planning here."
"I don't understand."
"I know, I'm doing a shit job explaining this. Maybe we should find Taylor and go home so I can figure out how to explain this to both of you."
"No, I don't want to leave…without knowing. I need to know when I leave here what's going on; I need to know that when I walk into our house tonight that it's still…that we're still…"
"Nothing changes," I lean up and kiss her, hating the look of doubt in her eyes, knowing that I put that there. "When we leave here tonight, nothing would have changed. When we walk into our home tonight, nothing would have changed."
"But you said-"
"I know baby, I know," I sigh and roll onto my side, bringing her with me thankful this time she doesn't immediately push me away. "Give me a chance to explain, please?"
"I'm not running because things are scary," she glares at me.
"I'm not running," I vow. "I will never run from you, I don't give a fuck how scary or real things get."
"Hmmmm."
Fuck.
"I'm going to stand out there, in front of everyone next month and vow to spend the rest of my life with you and with Taylor. Nothing will ever change that," I take a deep breath, my hand instinctively wrapping around her tighter. "When I said you should marry Taylor, I meant legally. Look, the three of us know that we can't be married to each other legally. We know that when we stand in front of everyone, it won't be legally binding."
"It doesn't matter, I don't care about that."
"I know baby and I didn't either."
"So what changed? Did your dad-"
"No, he hasn't said a word about this," I assure her.
"Then what? Why all of a sudden are we talking about something none of us care about?"
"I was….looking into how the commitment ceremony would work and stumbled onto a chat room with people who are in similar relationships as we are. They had tons of information including tips on navigating everything from legal issues to buying a home to medical coverage to discrimination."
"That's great but I'm not following what that has to do with us right now. I thought we had the commitment ceremony figured out already?"
"We did….we do," I correct quickly. "Did you know that if something were to happen to any one of us that the other two can't legally make any medical decisions? That we could be denied the ability to even see you in the hospital because we aren't your family?"
"I…"
"Yeah, I didn't either until I stumbled across the chatroom. I wanted to pretend nothing would happen to any of us, but then I started thinking about what could happen if you were to get pregnant one day. What if something happened during the delivery and you needed…I don't know a procedure or something? Right now, even after the commitment ceremony, neither Taylor nor I could make that the decision for you. We would be relying on doctors to decide what you may or may not want or in Taylor's case they might decide to contact his family-"
"No," she tenses against me. "No."
"They would be the ones who would legally be able to decide what could or couldn't be done for him, not you and not I."
"That's not fair."
"I know, but legally that's the way the law is written. Unless we gave each other medical power of attorney, which I suppose is another option. And then something for our finances and business, but it could be challenged…"
"But if two of us were married…"
"Right."
"Why me and Taylor though? Why not me and you? Or you and Taylor?"
"Don't take this the wrong way, okay baby? I know it's going to sound harsh-"
"Because neither of us have family," she realizes.
"Yeah…"
"So if something happened to you…"
"My family would involve you and Taylor, you know that. They wouldn't shut either of you out or-"
"No they wouldn't."
"It doesn't seem fair…to you I mean. Taylor and I are legally married and you get nothing."
"Fuck no, I don't get nothing," I quickly argue. "I get you both, I get to spend the rest of my life with the two people I love more than anything in this world. But there's something I want to give you both, something that…."
"What Christian?"
"I want to give you both my family."
"Huh? I'm not sure I understand."
"I told you I suck at this stuff; you always know just what to say and how to say it. I always end up sounding like a fucking idiot," I lean in and kiss her, relief hitting me the moment she opens to me. "I was hoping…you both…that you'd consider…"
"Spit it out Christian," she giggles.
"I want you both to take my last name, legally I mean. I want you both to become part of my family, even if legally you can't marry into it. I want-"
"Christian," she sobs and when I glance up I find her eyes filled with tears.
"Fuck, did I screw that up too?" I groan.
"No baby," she leans in and kisses me, her leg comes up to rest on my thigh as she tugs me closer to her. For a moment I freeze, expecting her to lash out at me because clearly it didn't come out like I had planned…yet again. "That was…no one has ever….I don't know what to say."
"I love you Ana, you've chased away my demons, you've found a way to keep the nightmares mostly at bay and you make me happier than I ever thought possible. I want to give you everything, you and Taylor both…"
"You already have Christian."
"Let me give you this….let me give you both a family in all senses of the word. I want us all to have the same last name, I want you to feel like my family is your family, I want our kids to have parents who all have the same last name and a family that welcomes them. I want-"
"Yes, I want all of that too."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
Thank fuck.
"I'll never leave you, I'll never run from you. I'm not the best with words so you'll need to-"
She cuts me off with her lips on mine; when her tongue thrusts against mine I completely surrender to her. I relax against her, welcoming her warm body against mine as her hands glide over me. How this beautiful woman ever thought I could walk away from her is beyond me. I could never walk away from her or Taylor; the two of them are my entire life.
"Ana," I groan when she palms my hardening dick through my jeans.
"Make love to me Christian," she whispers.
I groan at her words, knowing there's no way in hell I could deny her. I forget about everyone waiting inside for us, likely wondering where we are; I forget about anything other than the beautiful woman lying in my arms, pressing herself against me.
"Let me text Taylor, let him know I found you," I whisper. I should find him, tell him what I just told Ana but I feel like we both need this right now. I need to trust that Taylor understood what I said earlier; I'll explain everything to him further later.
"'Kay," she urges me to lay on my back before slipping her hand into my pocket, taking my phone out and handing it to me. My breath catches when her hands go to the button on my pants, quickly undoing it and sliding my pants down my legs.
I found her, we're in the boathouse – C
Everything okay? – T
Yeah. Explain later. –C
K – T
I love you –C
Love you too –T
"Did you get a hold of Taylor?" Ana asks.
"Yeah, he responded right away."
She leans up, taking the phone from me and tossing it to the side of the bed. She's straddling me, the silk panties under her skirt rubbing against my hard dick. My fingers weave through her hair, cupping her head, gently urging her down until her lips meet mine. With one hand against her lower back, I let her set the pace. I can feel her heat against me, her panties quickly becoming wetter as she rubs herself against me. She's moaning against my lips as the need races through her just as it does me. I quickly flip us over causing her to giggle against my lips in surprise. As much as I would rather take my time with her, to show her just how much I love her and how much she means to me, I know the longer we stay out here the harder it will be to fend off the comments when we walk back into the house. Personally I could care less, but I know that Ana won't want everyone knowing what we were really doing here.
"This is going to be quick, okay baby? I'll take my time later, when I get you back in bed and can-"
"Christian," she moans and arches into me letting me know she's good with my plan.
Reaching between us, I give a quick tug and her silk panties tear from her body but before she realizes what I did I thrust into her. She gasps against my lips, wrapping her legs and arms around me as if she's trying to pull me closer to her. I'm thrusting into her quickly, going deep each time pushing her closer and closer to her orgasm. When her hands glide down my back, my movements falter as all it takes to push me closer to the edge is her touch. Knowing I'm not going to last much longer, I lean down, putting all my weight on one arm and with the other I-
"Christian!"
The moment her pussy clenches around I'm done; I barely get in one last thrust before I explode within her. She arches into me, one hand tangling in my hair as the other grabs my hips and pulls me even deeper into her. Just before I collapse completely, I roll us to our sides so I don't crush her. Her head rests on my arm, as we both try to breathe normally again. Several minutes go by, hell it could be hours for all I know, before I feel that I can function again.
"I love you," I whisper.
"I love you too Christian."
"Let me find something to clean you up with," I mumble as I slowly pull out of her warm body. Thankfully I find a box of tissues not far from the bed to use to clean Ana up, and then quickly grab her torn panties as she straightens her clothing before we both climb down from the loft.
"My hair is a mess," she runs her fingers through her hair in an attempt to fix it.
"Put it up, no one will notice," I suggesting knowing she always carries a hair tie on her.
"Guys?" Taylor asks just before opening the door.
"Everything okay?" I ask as Ana leans up to kiss him.
"Yeah, everyone's wondering where you are. I told them you were showing Ana where things had been set up in the yard for past events."
"They didn't think it was odd that you weren't with us?" Ana asks.
"No, I've been to a couple of the events Grace hosted here when we were home on leave and then once we were stateside for good."
"Thanks," I kiss him. "Ready to go back inside Ana?"
"Do I look okay? I don't look like we just had sex do I?"
"You look beautiful as always," Taylor assures her.
"Thank you," I grab his hand before we step out of the boathouse. Fuck there are so many things I need to thank him for but most of all for trusting me and letting me go after Ana. "I….I'll explain everything-"
"Things are okay though? We're still planning a wedding right?"
"Yes," Ana says firmly.
"Taylor, I-"
"We can talk about it at home, as long as I know we're going to be out there next month in front of everyone, I'm good for now."
"I love you," I wrap an arm around his shoulders and pull him against me.
"I love you too."
We walk back to the house, hand in hand… in hand; I'm still stunned at everything that just happened. I wasn't lying when I told Ana I wasn't good at this shit; romance is fucking not in me. I can never find the right words to tell either of them how I feel about them, to tell them just how much I need them or how loss I would be if they weren't in my life. I've been so nervous about asking them to take my name after the wedding, that everything I had hoped to say flew right out the window as I stood next to them picturing our ceremony out here.
"So what did you think Ana?" Mom asks the moment we walk into the house. "I don't know if Christian told you, but the lay out can be changed to however or wherever you wanted. The event planners I've worked with are amazing and can make any vision you have into reality. But if you don't want to have the wedding here, that's fine too. It's your wedding so whatever you guys-"
"Grace, we'd love to have our wedding here," my mom's face absolutely lights up at Ana's words. "If that's still okay of course."
"We would be honored," Dad says.
"Oh this is so exciting!" Mia's practically jumping up and down. "You'll need to pick a date soon so we can arrange a caterer, a DJ and-"
"We'll pick a date Mia," I assure her. "If it were up to me it would be tomorrow –"
"Christian! It's going to be hard enough to plan a wedding in a month!"
"I can get my mom to send you pictures of the dresses she has available if you want Ana," Kate offers.
"You think she'll have something available that will fit?" Ana asks.
"Absolutely, she always keeps a few pieces on standby," Kate's typing away on her phone no doubt to her mother who is a well known wedding gown designer.
"Ana, I have a list of vendors I typically use that I can send you, unless you already have someone in mind," Mom asks.
"No we haven't figured out vendors yet," she glances at me and Taylor slightly overwhelmed. "I'm sure who you've used in the past would be perfect if they're available."
I smile at the trust she has in my mom to help her with this, but beyond that I smile at how differently both my parents are tonight. The last time we were here for a family dinner things couldn't have gone any worse, but now…fuck everything is completely different. I knew my dad was trying before today, but never had I expected him to suggest we get married here. There's no doubt that everyone here knows that our relationship isn't just between each of us and Ana, that Taylor and I are together as well. If they didn't know before now, the moment we walked into back into the house hand in hand would have given it away. No one seemed to give us a second look though, so I'm guessing that Elliot told Kate and that my mom had already had this discussion with Dad and Mia since she assumed by our announcement last time we were here that we were already together.
"I'll email you the list of vendors I have, but let me know if you'd like any help with the planning. Mia and I have planned I can't tell you how many events here over the years. We have it almost down to a science," Mom giggles.
"I'd love the help Grace, thank you."
"As soon as you guys pick a date we'll start reaching out and seeing who's available."
"On that note, how about we head home and look at our calendars?" Taylor suggests. "Since it seems that's the next step in planning…"
Everyone agrees and we say our goodbyes before heading out to the truck. My stomach once again is in knots, hoping like hell this time I can do talk with Taylor without it blowing up in my face…again.