The look on Chloe's face when she'd found out what he'd done hadn't felt right. Instead of punishing him, she had tried to let him off the hook, but Lucifer didn't want to be forgiven. He wanted to be punished. He'd thought sharing the burden with Chloe would have relieved some of his guilt but it hadn't changed anything. Every time he closed his eyes all he could see was his brother's dying face. Lucifer had never felt guilty for anything before in his entire life. Never, not about anything, and he didn't know what to do about it.

It didn't take him long to get home and even less time to open a bottle of bourbon. He called and cancelled his appointment with Linda. The idea of trying to confide in someone who thought he spoke only in metaphor didn't appeal to him tonight.

Lucifer knew he could talk to Chloe about his problems. She knew he didn't speak in metaphors and she'd even offered to help, but Lucifer didn't want to talk about these emotions. He just wanted them to go away.

It had happened so quickly, but Chloe Decker was, by definition, a person in Lucifer's life. Every day it was getting harder to imagine what his life would look like without her. Crime solving was good fun as far as he was concerned - it would be a shame if he had to give it up - but deep down he knew it had become just a great excuse to spend time with Chloe.

Lucifer finished off the drink in his hand. It was also a shame he couldn't get drunk. If he had to pick between being able to bleed and being able to become intoxicated Lucifer would be halfway to happy town by now.

The next best thing to being drunk was being surrounded by drunks so Lucifer decided to throw a party. It seemed better than being alone, even if it felt the same.

Despite Chloe's advice, Lucifer couldn't quite shake the feeling of hating himself. He was hoping loud music would at least drown out the troublesome emotion.

It only took a few phone calls to plan. Lux was a popular club and getting enough people together to party was the Devil's specialty. He was still in the process of making calls and ordering liquor when someone walked off the elevator into his penthouse. Lucifer looked up to see who it was.

"Sup," Maze said. "Just here to collect some stuff. I'm moving in with Decker." She was walking across the room as she spoke and hadn't even bothered to look over at Lucifer.

Lucifer did not want to hear this. Those two hanging out could only mean bad things for him. After all, what would they talk about if not him?

"Don't go messing with the Detective's head while you're there," Lucifer told her. "I can't have you two ganging up on me."

"Oh please," Maze scoffed. "As if this has anything to do with you." With that, she lifted the bag she'd pulled out of the closet and turned to head back to the door.

"Are you sure that's your stuff?" Lucifer called after her.

"It's mine now," Maze called back, and then she was gone.

"Someone's not getting an invite to my party," Lucifer huffed as the elevator doors closed behind the thieving demon.

Lucifer woke up on the floor. It had been three days since he'd thrown the first party. The first one had bled into the second and the third party had been just a tad much, even for him. Lucifer had snorted, drunk, and sniffed enough in those days to kill several small elephants. He was, of course, one hundred percent sober which just pissed him off. Some of the really hard drugs did give him a few seconds of tingle, but then his stupid celestial metabolism would ruin all his fun. At least the loud music and mass of people had managed to improve his mood somewhat. These parties were mostly sex, drugs and drinking which had been enough for him before he'd met the detective. Now, these parties made him feel a little bit emptier afterwards.

Lucifer could hear moans as the other partygoer began to stir. They all had hangovers. Lucky bastards. Lucifer had never experienced a hangover, but as far as he was concerned they were a fair price to pay for the joys of getting drunk. Nevertheless, Lucifer was a good host. He had painkillers and water available to his guests the next morning before he promptly threw them out.

Putting his hand in his pocket, Lucifer checked his phone. No messages - which meant no case yet. Lucifer knew he could just show up. The more time passed the harder it was to resist. An intriguing crime to solve would be a far greater distraction from himself than anything else he could come up with. Lucifer supposed he could take a spontaneous trip somewhere, but there really wasn't anywhere he wanted to go. Apart from wherever Chloe was now.

But he didn't want to just show up to wherever Chloe was. He wanted Chloe to want to see him. It was petty and he knew it, but it was what he wanted and the devil always knew what he desired even if he didn't say it aloud.

Lucifer put his phone back in his pocket and noticed as he did so that he was a mess. Hair out of place, suit dusted with white powder and pants wrinkled. It was time for a shower and a fresh set of clothes. Leaving the club, Lucifer headed for the elevator. When the doors opened he saw that some of the party had made it upstairs, which was not unheard of though it did mean it had been quite the party. Making sure not to step on any sleeping people Lucifer made his way to his bedroom and then his ensuite bathroom.

When Lucifer got out of the shower he was surprised to see a new guest in his penthouse, a guest of the 'not here for the party' variety.

"I wasn't expecting to see you here," Lucifer said calmly.

"I wasn't expecting to see so much of you," Doctor Linda replied politely. Lucifer looked down and realized he hadn't bothered even wrapping a towel around his waist before getting out of the shower.

"Yes, well one has to get the party off somehow," Lucifer answered cheerfully.

"Could you please put some clothes on?" Linda sighed.

"Am I distracting you?" Lucifer sniggered.

"Yes," Linda whined. "But that's not the point. I want to talk to you."

"Spoilsport," Lucifer huffed, but he did as she asked and went back into his room to put on some pants.

He returned to see Linda sitting on one of the only unoccupied seats in the room. The couch and more comfortable chair were still occupied by a couple sleeping partiers from last night.

"What's up?" Lucifer asked his therapist.

"You cancelled another appointment," she told him.

"That is correct," Lucifer said. "Have you come all this way to tell me things I already know?"

"No," Linda said calmly. "I've come all this way to try and get you to come back to therapy."

"Not gonna happen," Lucifer remarked.

"Why not?" Linda asked.

"Metaphors," he said.

"I agree," Linda replied in the way she did when she was trying to remain calm and collected with patients. "It's time we stop talking in metaphors."

"See, this!" Lucifer said, annoyed. "This is the problem! They aren't metaphors, and if you don't believe me you can't help me, ergo no more therapy."

"If you stay calm we can talk about this like adults," Linda continued. "I don't think it's a good idea for you to give up on therapy."

"Oh you are definitely right about that," Lucifer chuckled. "I am a mess."

Linda seemed quite taken aback by his honesty. She paused for a moment before speaking. "All the more reason you should come back to therapy."

"Why bother going all the way to your office," Lucifer continued. He knew he was acting out but he just couldn't help it. "Let's just have a quick sess right here, shall we?" He paused pretending to think before blurting it all out at once. "I let mom stay, which broke my deal with dad, which pissed off my brother, so he came down to kill the detective, but it turned out what he really wanted was to erase mom's soul from the universe. We got into a fight and I killed him with the only weapon in the known universe that can harm an immortal. What part of this do you think you can help me with, hmm?"

"I understand that is how you see things," Linda began.

"See? That!" Lucifer snapped. "That right there is why. Lying doesn't work for me and the truth confuses you, so really there's nothing more to be done. Now if you'll excuse me I have guests to evict."

"Your 'guests' are still unconscious," Linda pointed out, indicating the man in the banana hammock sleeping on his couch.

"All the more reason to send them home," Lucifer countered.

"Did you know you are incredibly frustrating!" Linda exclaimed. She'd finally broken her calm doctor facade and was actually starting to sound mad.

"I haven't given it much thought," Lucifer admitted. "I do know the cure though." He gestured to the bar that took up much of his penthouse living room. "Have a drink."

To his surprise Linda actually walked over to pour herself something. She finished it before speaking again.

"It's such a shame," she said. Her anger was gone now and seemed to him to be replaced with… he couldn't quite tell what. Was it pity? Lucifer didn't care much for that.

"I see so much potential for happiness in you," she continued. "You want it so badly and yet you shy away from it. I believe you can do the work even if you don't want to. I know you'll be so much happier once you move past the emotions holding you back."

Lucifer didn't want to deal with this.

"Help yourself to any drinks you like," he said as he buttoned up his shirt. "And see yourself out afterwards. I have places to be." And with that, he put on his jacket and moved towards the elevator.

Lucifer was done. He was so done. Chloe clearly didn't want to see him, and he still had just enough pride not to be the first one to break the ice. He wasn't sure how much longer this pride would last, however, as he was feeling her absence more and more with each passing hour.

He knew he'd cave soon and go running back to her even if he would never admit it to anyone. Lucifer would just say he was bored and wanted a murder to solve which was technically true, just not the whole truth. Lucifer knew that if Chloe ever asked him directly why he'd come back, he'd tell her. The idea made his insides squirm a little, but he also knew she was not likely to ask.

Hey look see I didn't die. _ lol. Yeah I know been a while. I just haven't really been keeping up with my creative projects lately. I'm trying to do better hence the update. :) I hope you are all doing well and since the next chapter is already finished I can promise the next wait won't be so long.

Sneak Peek Chapter 36

Chloe opened her apartment door and headed inside. Trixie was sleeping over at her friend's tonight so it was just her unless Maze was home. Chloe walked in and took off her coat. She was considering taking a bath when she heard a noise and turned sharply.

"Easy it's just me," Maze said, with a hand in the air. "Jumpy much?"

"Sorry," Chloe said putting her gun away. "It's been one hell of a day."

Maze snorted. "How long you been waiting to use that one?"

"Ha ha," Chloe replied dryly. She was in no mood for hell humor. She decided to change the topic. "How'd the interview go today?"

"No great," Maze replied. "Even topless maids have to do some cleaning. Screw that! I'm never gonna find a job I can actually do."

"You'll figure it out eventually," Chloe replied.

"Easy for you to say, Detective," Maze whined. "You're great at your job."

"Not today I wasn't," Chloe said. "Bad guy got away."