Author's note: Happy New Year everyone! What a tumultuous 2 years it has been. I was so hopeful that I'd have all this time and energy to write when the pandemic started but then I got smacked in the face with reality. The statement about spoons kept coming to my mind and I just didn't have the spoons to do much of anything other than work, cook and sleep. My appreciation for my fandoms was at an all time low and I couldn't seem to muster much excitement about anything. This year is dawning the same as last year, as once more we're entering into lockdown where I live and I'm just so bloody tired of it all. I finally was able to get a new chapter down and I am already working on the next one, so here's hoping 2022 will be a little better. I'm so sorry for all the long breaks, and I hope you all are taking care of yourself and your mental health. It really is the most important thing any of us can do for ourselves during these crazy times.
"And then she came out of the house with an axe and smashed the windscreen! The Doctor and Donna were so tied up in trying to get the doors to open that they didn't even think to try breaking the glass."
Wilf finished with a laugh, his eyes sparkling as he looked from Alec to Jenny as they sat listening with rapt attention to his story.
"I can't wait to meet her! She sounds like she really knows how to care of the people that she loves." Jenny said.
Alec smiled softly at Jenny's comment, his own memories were filled with Donna's feelings about her mother and he tried to keep his thoughts to himself because he still wasn't sure how Sylvia would react when she finally met her fully grown grandson. Jenny was excited about the new and extended family that she had just found and he wasn't willing to mar her excitement just because he was worried that Sylvia would toss them all out on their ears.
The Doctor and Alec sat close together and ate enough for four men each, but Jenny had decided that it was alright to make a larger meal then usual as they had finally been rescued and Donna had assured her that there wouldn't be a shortage of supplies with the Tardis so close.
Alec had slept fitfully while she, Donna and Wilf had prepared the meal, the color that his skin had regained with whatever the Doctor had done to the Tardis was already starting to fade.
The Doctor seemed to be his usual chatty self after he had slept, though he did touch his head with a slight wince from time to time during the meal. He deliberately avoided looking at Donna when he felt her concern spike through their bond, but there was no hiding the fact that the connection between the two Tardises was taking its toll on him.
Donna was sitting close to him, her hand reaching out to hold his hand when she felt the pain stab through his mind before he hastily muted their bond. "Is there any way to help you, Doctor? It feels like this bond is really taking its toll on you."
Donna's question silenced the conversation in the Tardis, everyone became suddenly aware of how much the Doctor was suffering while they all sat there sharing tales with never a care in the world.
Alec shifted slightly, though it was obvious that the sudden movement was painful for him and he reached over to touch the Doctor's temple before he could pull away. "Let me help, Doctor. I'm bonded to her and can try to shoulder some of the burden for you."
The Doctor glanced at Alec with such a look of profound sorrow in his eyes that Alec quickly recoiled before he could catch himself.
"No, Alec. It's taking everything that the Tardis has to spare to keep the two of you from slipping any further away. You unfortunately can't help with this because it'd drain you far too quickly and then we'd lose both of you."
Wilf leaned forward when he heard the Doctor's comment, his aged face shining with concern, "What happened to the both of you, Alec? I'm afraid I don't quite understand this whole regeneration business or why it was so traumatic for you and this ship."
Alec winced at Wilf's comment, his gaze jumping to the Doctor and Donna when he felt the flash of their interest at the question. "It's a long story, Wilf."
"We have plenty of time, Alec, and really there's no time like the present."
Alec scowled at the Doctor, but he knew that he had dodged the question long enough when he truly shouldn't have been able to regenerate with only one heart. He felt his hearts begin to pound as he let himself dive into his memories of his painful death and the readings that had led up to the energy wave that had nearly destroyed Pete's world.
"It all started when Torchwood detected an energy wave that was causing damage in the deep portions of reality, and we were able to determine that the energy wave had a Time Lord signature."
"Time Lord?!" The Doctor was completely focused now on Alec's story, his hearts clenching when he realized that so much more had happened in order to bring Alec back to them. He could hear the exhaustion in Alec's voice though and knew that the telling would take a toll on his son.
Alec looked to the Doctor and Donna, his eyes sliding closed while he let out a long, tired sigh before he nodded. "Yes, Doctor, it was definitely Time Lord energy which shouldn't have been possible. Torchwood was able to detect activity well into the theta band of reality and could usually distinguish when something was happening that could affect their own reality. Their dimension canon was actually quite an ingenious invention and we'd been able to significantly upgrade it once we defeated the Cybermen."
Jenny sat watching Alec, the Doctor and Donna; her own hearts constricting as she knew how much of a toll this retelling would have on Alec. He'd haltingly told her some of the tale but she'd never heard all of it because it was obvious that the memories were very painful to him and she hadn't wanted him to have to suffer any more than he already was. She reached for his cup and filled it with fresh water before handing it back to him so that he wouldn't become too thirsty while he spoke.
Alec took the cup with a murmured thanks and used the distraction to wet his throat before he was able to continue. He tried not to let the Doctor's painful focus distract him too much from what he was trying to describe.
He knew it would've been easier to just have the Doctor reach into his mind for all the memories, but he wasn't quite ready to have the Doctor see his actions with regards to Rose. The fact that she had been the first thing that he had asked for when he'd realized who was lying on the ground in front of him showed that he still had some feelings for his former companion and that discussing her ultimate fate might be more than the Doctor could handle. It was obvious that Donna was worried with what his story might reveal as well and so he chose to delve into his memories in a halting fashion, shielding what he could for the time being in order to give them all time to better accept the finality of his actions.
"While I was monitoring this energy wave and the Tardis was able to interface with the computers in the Torchwood lab to help boost their sensitivity, I started to hear voices in my mind."
Wilf looked at Alec with concern when the man spoke of hearing voices, yet he tried to help in the only way that he knew how, by showing love and support for the young man beside him. "What sort of voices did you hear, son? Was it some sort of delusion that you were having or was it something to do with this energy wave?"
Alec smiled with profound relief when Wilf asked his question, the question gave him the perfect starting point for the rest of his impossible transformation. "No, Wilf, these were definitely not a delusion. I was hearing voices from a different reality, voices that I hadn't been able to hear since I'd first arrived in Pete's world and the Doctor had been forced to bury Donna's memories."
The Doctor gasped when he heard Alec's words, his mind suddenly focusing intently on Donna and her own feelings before Alec continued any further. The events aboard the Master's ship were still very painful for Donna to remember and his own actions after their climax left a scar that she still was trying to move beyond. "Please continue, Alec. What were the voices saying?"
Alec looked right at the Doctor and his gaze was not at all abstracted when he responded, "I think you know exactly what they were saying, Doctor. I heard you searching for Donna, and I heard Donna crying out to you when I knew that she couldn't remember you without burning up. I heard the Master and I heard Rassilon as well. I heard everything but there was nothing I could do about it because I was in trouble myself and the energy wave was also approaching our reality."
"You started to burn as well, didn't you, Alec?" The Doctor's words were quiet but no less horrible for the whisper. Donna cried out softly when she heard his words, her hand reaching out to Alec and taking a hold of his hand in order to try to keep from bursting into tears at the thought of him experiencing even a fraction of the agony that she had had to endure aboard the Master's ship.
"Oh, Alec, I'm so sorry that we weren't able to protect you more. I'm sorry that we weren't able to stop it faster."
He looked at Donna and felt his hearts melt when he heard the sincerity in her words, a sincerity that he felt echoed in the Doctor through their strengthening bond.
"There was nothing that you could do, Donna, not when you were in a struggle for your own survival. I wasn't sure what was happening at first but as the sound of your voices intensified, so too did the pain that I was feeling until I started to feel regeneration energy burning through my system. There had never been any sign of regeneration energy before and as you'd said, Doctor, I shouldn't have been able to regenerate with only a single heart." He paused while his hearts started to accelerate in anticipation of reliving the pain of his death, a fist of cold dread was closing tight around his chest and he was finding it difficult to focus or catch his breath.
"Alec, you really should rest right now. You shouldn't be putting yourself through all this stress just to tell the Doctor and Donna what happened. Can't it wait?" Jenny was frantic when she saw how Alec was struggling and that the retelling was causing him even more pain. He'd shared some of the story with her, but hadn't been ready to completely delve into the excruciating detail of his last hours in that alternate universe. She could tell that he needed to get this all out and that it finally seemed to be something of a relief for him to tell the tale, but she was worried about the stress that it was putting on his body when he was already struggling so hard just to remain stable.
The Doctor's gaze shifted from Alec to Jenny and he smiled softly as it was already obvious that there was a strong bond between the two of them, a bond borne of love and shared suffering. He felt the pain that Alec was barely able to control echo through their bond and also a sorrow that didn't quite make sense. He'd sounded more than happy to be away from Pete's world, but something else had happened during his regeneration that had left a deep scar on the young Time Lord and the Doctor knew that Alec would only be able to tell him when he was good and ready.
Donna just sat back, her eyes shifting from the Doctor to Alec and Jenny each as they spoke; her hand clenched tightly around Alec's to try to lend some strength and support to him should he choose to finish. Her heart was breaking as she listened to him and heard the pain in his voice that he wasn't able to hide, the agony that she felt bleeding into her mind from her physical contact with him nearly made her sick but she refused to let go of his hand. Yes, there wasn't anything that any of them could have done any differently, but that didn't mean that she wasn't still feeling powerless when she spoke up, "Perhaps Jenny's right, Alec. Maybe this isn't the best time for you to finish."
"No Donna, I need to finish, it really will help things make more sense once I do."
The Doctor tried to overcome his own feelings of failure when he looked at Alec and Jenny, the both of them had suffered so much in their lives and he had gone along completely oblivious to the pain that either of them were enduring. He should've taken Jenny's body with him when he'd left Messaline, he should've made sure to honor her with a proper Time Lord burial instead of just running away from the body that had been a reminder of just how many lives the Doctor had caused to be lost in his long life. First his family back on Gallifrey, dead by his own actions at the end of the Time War and then losing Jenny just when he'd begun to accept her and realize that he didn't have to be completely alone in the universe. He'd been so eager to help her through her first halting steps as a Time Lord that when she'd been taken from him, he hadn't been able to pull himself out of the dark place that he suddenly fell into. Donna had been a help to a degree, but then she too had been taken from him so soon after that.
Now to find out that Alec had also suffered unimaginable agony because of his actions; actions that must have seemed like a death sentence to Alec when truthfully, he too had committed genocide on an even great scale then Alec could've ever hoped to achieve. The simple fact was that the Doctor couldn't stand to look into the mirror that Alec had shone onto his own actions and so when the DoctorDonna had said it might be best for Alec to be left with Rose in Pete's universe, he'd leaped at the chance to maybe make matters right for his companion while also making sure that he didn't have to look at the reminder of his own terrible actions.
Donna tried to comfort the Doctor as best she could, though she was overwhelmed with the emotions pouring off Alec and the rest of the group within the Tardis. She was worried as she felt him spiraling deeper into that yawning abyss that always seemed so eager to swallow him whole. The pain that was rising within him was bringing with it a deep burning shame and anger once more that he had condemned those who were close to him to a lifetime of pain and suffering. You couldn't have known how it would have turned out for either of them, Doctor. You even said that you'd hoped that he could find peace with Rose and maybe some of the happiness that you'd never been able to give her. It's not your fault.
The Doctor turned tortured eyes to Donna, Alec and the others for the moment forgotten, as he felt her words echo softly through their bond. He shook his head, unable to accept the simple explanation that she gave him because he could see clearly how every decision that he'd made just led inexorably to the next step that would ultimately end in so much suffering for both Alec and Jenny. Isn't it though, Donna? I made the choice to leave them both behind and look where that decision led.
All this happened in the space of just a few heartbeats while Alec caught his breath once more, and if he was aware at all of the conversation between Donna and the Doctor then he gave no clue as he began his tale again. "Jack was surprised when he saw the golden energy dancing on my arms and he was afraid to touch me because my skin became almost too hot to touch."
"Jack? Wait, who's Jack? Not Jack Harkness?" The Doctor broke in, his eyes widening as he suddenly realized what some of the regret was that Alec had been feeling as he'd started his story.
Alec winced when he realized his slip, this was one thing that he'd wanted to work up to telling the Doctor but with his mind wandering in a dozen different directions because of the pain that he was in, he'd blundered without even realizing it. "Yes, Doctor, there was a Jack Harkness in that universe as well. His life had even taken a lot of the same turns that this universe's Jack's had taken though there were some key differences. In the end, he still ended up the Director of Torchwood but that's a whole different story that I don't really have the energy to discuss right now."
The Doctor frowned when he felt Alec's neat evasion and knew that eventually he'd have to press to get Alec to tell him exactly what he was holding back and why, or maybe when he was feeling better and recovered from resting in the Tardis then the Doctor could join his mind with Alec's so that he could see his memories better. "It's alright, Alec. We can discuss Jack another time. What happened next?"
Alec took a deep breath and looked to Wilf and Jenny for strength before he continued. "I'd managed to rig the Tardis with the dimension canon controls and she was able to strengthen the shield of reality that the canon extended into a sort of shield for defense against the arrival of this energy wave. She'd let me know that she was going to need extensive repairs afterwards and that she really was too young to have tried to generate a field of that magnitude, but there was no choice because it was obvious that this energy wave had already destroyed quite a few realities that it had torn through and it would most likely destroy their reality as well if we didn't try to prepare to deflect it." Alec slid his eyes closed when he felt a gentle stirring in the back of his mind, the young Tardis reached out to him and tried to soothe some of the pain that he was feeling. She tried to remind him that she'd made the decision to help him and help save that alternate reality; that in the end, she couldn't just let every single being in that reality die because she'd been too afraid to do something. She'd had the power to make a difference and so she'd asked him to help her do so.
The Doctor glanced up to the control console when he felt that gentle touch in Alec's thoughts, his own connection with the Tardis was nearly as complete as Alec's was and while he was connected with both ships he could feel nearly everything that they both did. It was overwhelming and he found himself struggling with the sensory overload, including when the ship tried to flood his mind with her own memories of the events that Alec was trying to relate. The ship's perceptions were skewed though and she couldn't quite make herself be understood when she tried to push those memories into the Doctor's mind. His head was splitting and the migraine was throbbing in time to the gentle pulsing of the ship's operations. He should have been able to separate himself from the infant Tardis when his ship had connected with her, but she was still too weak to maintain the connection on her own and the temporal interference on this world was also wreaking havoc on her systems. The Doctor knew that they couldn't waste much more time in bringing the two ships together.
"I felt like I was on fire when the energy wave arrived, and in the split second that I was aware of the impact, I was hit with a separate energy that had been hidden in the main wave. It was regeneration energy that hit me and threw me back against the wall of the lab. It was in that instant that I felt the connection that had been missing my whole life and knew that I was about to regenerate even though I didn't have the physical strength to go through a proper regeneration."
The Doctor vanished instantly from Donna's mind at those words, his entire body was trembling with the impact of that statement.
Donna's head was spinning at the sudden absence of the Doctor's presence in her mind, but her mind was already fitting all the pieces together and had come to the same inevitable conclusion that he'd come to. "The energy wave was the result of the Master's weapon, wasn't it, Doctor?"
The Doctor looked from Alec to Donna, his mind was fractured as he thought about all the beings in all those realities that had been destroyed simply because the Master had tried to destroy the Time Lock. He nodded quietly, his mind tentatively opening once more to Donna's though he was still worried that she would somehow turn away from him because of what his oldest friend and foe had done. "Yes, Donna. The Master was the one responsible for that energy wave, and he was also responsible for the regeneration energy that hit Alec." He sighed softly before turning back to Alec. "It was the excess energy from the Metacrisis that he was draining off you, Donna, while he was trying to keep you alive long enough for me to find you."
Wilf shook his head, trying to make sense of all the alien concepts that the Doctor and Alec were talking about but it was the name of the Master that made him concerned for everyone's safety. "Doctor, you told me about this Master but I thought that you said that he was dead and gone. How could he possibly have caused whatever this thing was that changed Alec? Didn't that happen almost two years ago now for the both of you?"
The Doctor smiled faintly at Wilf's question, his gaze jumping between the older man and Alec before he shrugged. "The Tardis is a time machine, Wilf. We've obviously arrived at a point just after Alec arrived in this universe, and his ship brought him here in order to find the only Time Lord signature that it could lock on to in the universe. We were probably in the Vortex when he first arrived in this reality and so Jenny would've been the first one that she found and brought him to."
Alec nodded softly, "That's exactly what I think happened, Gramps. It took me to a point in time when I'd be able to find Jenny before it was too late, though it was a close call in the end."
Donna had felt the flash of agony fill Alec's mind before he'd hastily moved his thoughts away from his regeneration, the stabbing pain that had flooded his entire body before it had literally stolen his breath and his life away. She looked to the Doctor and could tell by the distraught look on his face that he'd felt the agony of that death just as she had, except he had to know exactly how painful that experience had been for Alec.
He reached over and squeezed her hand, shaking his head slightly before turning back to Alec. "I think that's all that I really need to hear for now, Alec, there's no need to go into excruciating detail about your regeneration when that would only upset you further. I understand what happened to your Tardis though and why you're both stuck in this wasting illness with no way to come out of it on your own. After buffering an impact of the magnitude that you described, and then crossing the void to bring you here, she'd have used more of her energy then she could afford to lose and then entered a downward spiral that would have pulled you down with her. You definitely need time in a proper healing trance Alec, and the Tardis could use a lot more time in a maturation room back on my Tardis. She has a lot more growth and development to complete before she's once more space worthy."
Alec tried to push himself up from where he was resting, his arms were shaking as he held himself up to meet the Doctor's brooding gaze. "I don't want to be far from her, Doctor. She needs me now more than ever and I can't just abandon her to years in a maturation room."
The Doctor shook his head, his gaze shifting to Donna, Wilf and Jenny before he turned back to Alec. "You should remember how the maturation rooms work, Alec, especially since you still retain so many of my memories. She needs to go through her proper final growth cycles or her life will be much shorter than it otherwise would be and she'd be much more easily damaged when she travelled in the Vortex. It's really the best way to save her and in the end, it would save you as well."
Alec fell back against his bedding, his eyes squeezed tightly shut to fight the tears that suddenly seemed to well up from a bottomless pit within him. "I need her too much, Doctor, to lose touch with her like that. She was the only voice that I had for so long, I don't know if I can stand the silence anymore."
The Doctor's eyes widened when he heard Alec's tortured plea, his lips parted to reply before he paused. He wasn't quite sure how to respond to Alec, but he knew that this wasn't something that he could easily fix by waving his sonic screwdriver. "I understand, Alec. I feel much the same about my girl and Donna, but I'm sure that we can figure something out that will make the rest of her maturation cycle easier for you to bear."
"Doctor, is it possible to get the Tardis to come here using your remote like you did back in Cardiff?"
The Doctor shook his head when he heard Donna's question, his eyes rising to the slight opening in the wall of the Tardis. "I already tried that Donna as soon as I realized what this ship was, but the Tardis can't seem to operate remotely with all this temporal energy on the planet. I'm going to have to try to manually fly her here in order to take the ship and Alec aboard."
"But Doctor, you already tried to fly your ship when we first arrived, didn't you? You said that the Tardis wouldn't lift off the ground." Wilf remembered very clearly the anger and frustration that he'd seen on the Doctor's face when he'd first tried to make the ship leave the planet's surface and he wondered if he'd lose his great grandson so soon after finding him just because his ship couldn't move.
The Doctor smiled at Wilf, feeling a burst of affection for the older human because he was so concerned not only for his ship but also for Alec's well-being. "The ship couldn't leave when we first arrived because the timelines hadn't synchronized completely and she knew that. We had to find Alec and Jenny in order for them to be in sync. I think that now that the connection has been established between the two ships, we'll be able to bring her here without a problem. At least, that's what I hope will happen!"
"I want to go with you, Dad, it'll be much safer if I'm with you when you have to go through town." Jenny met her father's gaze with a look of steely determination, her face set against the instant refusal that she saw in his eyes.
"Jenny, we can't leave Alec alone for too long. He needs someone here to take care of him while we make the walk back to the ship, because it may take a while for me to override her controls so that she can make the jump here."
"I can stay with him, Doctor. I know where the food and water are and I don't really fancy another long walk in all that heat and sand when my great grandson needs me!"
The Doctor shook his head when he heard Wilf's offer, but it really did make sense for him to stay behind with Alec and it would also protect the older man from anything that might still be coming. "Alright, Wilf, you stay here to take care of Alec but make sure that under no circumstance do you leave the ship. It's too dangerous out there and we don't know what is happening yet on this planet."
Wilf nodded in response to the Doctor's warning, but he had no intention of leaving Alec's side as long as he was hurting so bad.
"Donna, maybe you should stay with them as well."
Donna chewed her lip when she heard the Doctor's statement, a part of her wanted nothing more than to stay with Alec and get to know him better now that he'd come back to her, but she also knew that the Doctor needed her more than ever. There was too much going on that they didn't know yet, and her unique vision might give him the edge he needed to be ready for whatever might come. She glanced at Alec and saw the flicker of awareness in his eyes, before she turned back to the Doctor and firmly stated, "No, Spaceman. You need me out there with you so that I can tell you what I see and maybe help you to make sense of the mess on this planet. Gramps should be enough to take care of Alec and there are enough supplies for the short time that we'll be gone should they need anything." Donna had felt the instant rejection that filled the Doctor's mind when she refused to stay behind, the fear that had leapt nearly out of his control that whatever was still to come on this planet might end up hurting Donna as well.
"Donna, we don't know what could happen out there, you really should stay with the two of them to make sure that they're alright while Jenny and I bring the Tardis. Both of us are stronger than you and able to handle the temporal disturbances better."
Donna's lips quirked into a soft smile when she heard his plea, and though she wanted nothing more than to cower with Alec and her granddad on this ship and avoid the pain that she knew she would be facing on the surface, she knew that her place was at the Doctor's side. "Doctor, remember what we agreed on? We can't live in fear of it, and deep down, you know that I can help you better at your side than here."
Alec frowned at the exchange between the Doctor and Donna, uncertain exactly what was going on but he could tell that the feelings with regards to this meeting ran deeper than he could understand. He'd felt Donna's pain at the thought of leaving him behind even for a short while, but he knew that the Doctor really was better with her at his side and so he had let her know it was alright. Something else was troubling them, but he felt that now wasn't the time to try to dig into the how or why of it. He felt like a clock had begun ticking in his mind and that there wasn't much time left for him or his ship. "Doctor, Wilf and I will be alright as long as you three can bring the Tardis here. Whatever you and the Tardis did has helped stabilize the both of us for now, but I feel like we're running out of time."
The Doctor growled softly when he heard Alec's comment because he too could feel the time slipping away from them faster then he could navigate and he knew that he was going to have to take Donna and his daughter back out into the blazing inferno that was Bir Tochter. "Alright, Alec, we have no choice but to go. If something goes wrong though try to reach either me or the Tardis, as we're all connected still. I'll try to come as quickly as possible, but it may still take some time before the Tardis can override her lockout to make the jump here."
Alec nodded in reply to the Doctor, his eyes moving between the Time Lord and Donna before he spoke, "I'll be alright, Doctor. I really am feeling a lot better since you and my Tardis connected to your girl. Please don't fret so much."
The Doctor stood looking down at Alec for a moment, his hands clenched at his side while he fought down the wave of concern that suddenly welled within him. He suddenly had the most powerful feeling that this trip back to his Tardis was going to take a lot longer than any of them expected.
Wilf pushed himself to his feet when he caught the mood in the room, hugging both Donna and Jenny as they prepared to leave. "Please be careful out there, sweetheart. I don't know what's going on, but it sounds like it could be dangerous."
Donna hugged her grandfather tight; her mind was shuddering with the feelings of anxiety and dread that were filling the Doctor's mins but she was determined to stand by his side throughout the ordeal to come. "We'll be careful, Grandad and don't worry, we'll be back before you know it."
Jenny squeezed Wilf tight for a moment, whispering into his aged ear, "Please take care of him, I only just found him."
Wilf bit back a sob before he pulled back and smiled at the young woman, "We'll be just fine, sweetheart. Just make sure to take care of your father and my granddaughter for me."
"I will, Wilf." Jenny replied with a smile, she looked back at her father and Donna and felt the overwhelming sense of love wash over her again as she tried to rejoin their mental link. It was still something that wasn't natural to her and so she had to actively remember how to open her mind in order to connect with the two of them.
Donna took a deep breath and smiled at Jenny, her hand reaching out to take hers so that she could join the two of them together and make the merging somewhat easier for Jenny.
The Doctor paused for a moment by the door, taking a moment to watch Wilf as he settled down beside Alec before he turned and resolutely stepped back out of the relative safety of the Tardis and into the sweltering unknown beyond.