Testament of Dawn

by Naryfiel Lilith

It should have been a simple year, a year like any other, but a chance encounter leads Byleth and her twin, Azrael, on a path neither ever expected to be on. A path that led to bonds stronger than fate itself. A path that would lead to a war of ideals. Fodlan's night of chaos and war ends with the dawning light, but will fate or bonds decide who bears witness? (3H Novelization)

12. Chapter 11) Grim

Chapter 11) Grim

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A hellish way to end a hellish month… though we were only to be the rearguard, we saw very active combat and, worse, we fought in the battle that killed Lonato. My students and I… we helped kill Ashe's father. He helped…

I hate fighting. I hate battle. I wish… damn, do I ever wish...

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Somehow or another, we ended up in Gaspard proper. I honestly wasn't sure. I'd focused on finding and supporting Ashe and had moved with the group until we were at the castle gates. That's when the rocks came. The screams. The wails. The rotten food. Because of course the people would be angry. Of course they would hate us. They had hated the church before we had slaughtered their beloved lord and their dearest family. Hatred festered into rage and with that rage came the reckless apathy of someone who felt they had nothing to lose.

"Excuse me." Still, even with all the anger and hatred… I spoke up. I was nauseous, of course. Strangers screaming and throwing things… it brought back many, many bad memories. So many that Azrael's anger mixed with my nausea and nearly made us both vomit. However, I… "I understand that you do not want to hear any of us," I made myself continue. Because I was supporting-carrying Ashe and damn it, I wanted him to rest somewhere. So, I pushed us towards the front of the group to keep on talking. "Nor do you want to see us." I didn't know who I was near, of course. The world was actually terribly hazy and fuzzy. I wanted to run. I wanted to hide. I wanted Dad. But none of that helped Ashe, and Ashe had priority. "However, might you let Ashe rest inside? See his siblings? Please?"

"...Lord Ashe?" No idea who spoke. It was a deeper voice, but each blotch of a person looked more or less the same to me at that moment. "Oh, Lord Ashe, we thought you were safe at the monastery, not…" One blotch slinked closer to take Ashe. Surprisingly, though, Ashe… he didn't go with the blotch. Instead, he leaned more on me. "Hmm? Ah, you…" The blotch shifted to stand more in front of me. "You must be Lady Byleth, Lord Ashe's professor. We've heard much about you." They… huh? "I spy Prince Dimitri as well… not enough that the church murdered two of our lords, but to force those we hold dear to do the deed? Well, I suppose that's only to be expected, actually." The blotch slid away, and then to the side. "Lady Byleth, you and your students are welcome here in Gaspard. The knights…" Their voice dropped to a growled hiss. "I lack the strength to send them to the blackest pits of the eternal flames where they belong, so they can make do with the forest. Out of a bow's reach."

"Thank you." Best to just focus on the whole 'Ashe and the rest of my students can safely rest' part. Azrael could be amused about their total lack of tact or subtlety, once his anger cooled some. After all, I only had so much I could spare from the arduous task of 'keeping myself where I needed to be and not panicking'.

It only got worse once inside. Because then there were strangers everywhere. All blobs and blotches of color with angry words mingled with gentle reassurances. While there we were, in the middle of a mad hell, with sweat and muck matting our hair and clothes. All of us still stained with the dried, itchy blood of their loved ones. Still holding the weapons that ended their lives, their dreams, their worlds. Still wearing the dented, scratched, scuffed armor that kept us from sharing the same fate…
Ashe disappeared in the madness. One second, I had him and the next, he was gone. I almost called out for him, but opening my mouth just gave way to more nausea, so I had to snap it shut lest I vomit everywhere. Had to grind my teeth to pretend I was holding it together, pretend I was professional… but there were so many people, so many strangers… so much rage, so much hatred… so much death and blood and agony…

The last one jolted through me, and I realized in a haze that not all the screams were from anger or emotional pain. No, now that we were inside the castle walls, the screams of the wounded and the dying were loud and clear. Those who had survived the slaughter were being treated. I wasn't sure if they'd want to be treated by me, given everything. But I knew my students. I knew they would try to help. So, I followed the screams to offer my own assistance. Didn't expect to be snapped up the way I was, but then again, one just had to take one step inside to know how desperate they were. They had wounded piled with the dead because there just wasn't enough room to fit everyone nor were there enough people to try and clean… anything.

"Linhardt, switch with me," I ordered at some point during the mess. I didn't know when my healer trio joined me in the infirmary. I wasn't sure how long it had been. I did know my throat was dry, felt caked with the smell of irony blood and sharp soap. My lips were parched and split once or twice when I bit my lip. Healed quickly, of course. I always healed quickly. Unlike those I worked on... "You're freezing." And why wouldn't he? The patient that had been unceremoniously rolled into his haphazardly designated 'work area' had their guts hanging out of their body.

"Nnn…" Linhardt tried to protest. It surprised me that he did, truthfully. He had to be exhausted; he had healed all during the battle and now struggled to save lives in the aftermath. His hair had fallen out of his normal ponytail, with the strands plastered haphazardly to his face and neck with sweat and blood. "Pr…" However, he also looked very distinctly green in the face underneath the exhausted gray, likely from all the blood.

"Linhardt, the last thing they need is you puking into their abdominal cavity." It was harsh to be so blunt, but… "So, switch with me. This patient needs help too."

"Okay…" Unthinkingly, he actually crawled over me to reach the patient, completely focused on his task. I didn't draw attention to it, though. I simply… "Marianne, I think… I think your patient is gone."

"There's still a heartbeat!" Marianne immediately protested. While I worked on stuffing my 'new' patient's guts back where they were supposed to go, I glanced over to where she worked. Her face was snow white, her hair had half-fallen out of her normal braided bun, and her hands shook as she tried to heal her patient. But her magic kept 'avoiding' them. Wrapping around but refusing to sink in and take to the wounds. "They're still breathing! I can…!"

"If the magic isn't taking, then…" Linhardt began. Then he sighed, closed his eyes, and crawled over. "Switch."

"Huh?"

"I have the Crest of Cethleann. It makes my healing magic more powerful. We'll see if I can do it. If not, then they're just lingering in pain and we're better off letting them go."

"...Thank you…" Marianne smiled tiredly, and the two promptly switched patients. I felt a little sorry for my 'original' one, but it wasn't as if they knew what was going on. They were firmly unconscious. Only their scant breathing and my magic gave any sort of hint they were alive at all. "I'm sorry…"

"There's nothing to be sorry about. Why apologize?" Linhardt shook his head and started examining his new-new patient. "Mercedes?"

"Oh, don't worry about little ol' me," Mercedes immediately teased, not once looking up from her patient. And, to be fair, while she did look exhausted, she didn't look nearly as bad as Marianne and Linhardt. She was only a little a little pale, at most, and her hands didn't shake. She did have her hair loose, but I wasn't sure if it had fallen out of her normal ponytail before she'd used her ribbon as part of a makeshift tourniquet. Her patient needed one desperately, and we'd already used all the ones Castle Gaspard's infirmary had, and the ones not still in use needed to be cleaned. "The Crest of Lamine lets me use Faith Magic for longer periods of time. More 'magical stamina', I suppose you can say?"

"So, don't worry about you until after I faceplant for the nap I desperately need," Linhardt deadpanned. It managed to get tiny smiles from the rest of us. "Got it. Now, let's see here..."

Others drifted in and out. After all, I'd made everyone at least learn how to heal and even the weakest heal spell could buy someone time. The more magically power lingered longer; the less powerful helped in other ways once they'd exhausted their magic reserves. Carrying medicines, carrying patients, carrying corpses. Cleaning the walls, cleaning the floors. Fetching medicine, fetching bandages. Things of that nature. I didn't pay attention. I focused on the patients in my work area, and keeping an eye on my healer trio. I wouldn't have even known the others were there if Azrael hadn't 'told' me with a reassurance that he would keep an eye on them, so I should just do what I was doing. I felt terrible, pushing my responsibilities on him but it was all I could do to keep from vomiting at the smell of blood and death. Dig into my arms in the hopes of scratching away the wriggling, burrowing feeling of sweat and dried blood on my skin. I couldn't afford to do either. I needed to be professional for my students, and I needed to do everything I could to save the people here.

Eventually, though, the work ended. There was nothing more anyone could do for the wounded. At least, not anything we could do. Others would watch them through the night, to see who would make it and who wouldn't. That meant we helpers had to leave to make room for the watchers. And, hopefully, the cleaners because the place was… a mess. Even though we had cleaned while we worked, it was still a mess. It was just as much of a mess as a battlefield. If there were a little more rot in the air, I might've mistaken it for one.

"So many dead…" I whispered, walking down the hall. I needed to find a place to wash up, and didn't want to bother anyone. The servants here were ushering my students to their own rooms. "There's more on the field too…" Of course there was. That was how battles went. How many were dead because of me? Because of my talent for war and killing and my lack of talent for healing? Because I was a… I…. oh, forget it. I was too tired to try and finish the thought.

["Well, will wonders never cease? I never knew one could be so tired that they stopped themselves from self-hatred."] Sothis's tone was terribly dry, but the reassurance I felt from her was anything but. No, it was warm and gentle. ["Then again, this has been a hard month for you. Aelfric digging into that terribly old scar, all this here… if you were anyone else, I'd have to worry about you being suicidal."]

"No, I don't want to die." If I wanted to die, I would've already done so. Either by my own hand or by someone else on the battlefield. Such thoughts were a distraction and I had more than enough as it was. No, if I wanted to die, even a little, I wouldn't be alive right now. "My life is a precious gift from Mom." It was selfish, clinging so much to it that I stole other people's lives, but it was mine. It was one of the only things Mom could give me. I wanted to hold onto it as long as I possibly could.

"Damn it!" Caspar's sudden scream echoed down the hall, and at first, I thought he was within the walls. But, when I raced down the way to look for him, I found that he was outside, in the courtyard. Now, granted, said courtyard was by an open window, but he was near the complete opposite corner. "Damn it, damn it, damn it!" Caspar continued yelling, punctuating each word with a frustrated punch to a nearby tree. His knuckles were red, rubbed raw and bleeding. His clothes were stained still, and there was mud and blood caked into his hair. He'd gone straight from the infirmary to here, or so I guessed. "Damn it!"

"Caspar, are you trying to see if screaming will make the dead get up and dance?" Dorothea's tiredly sarcastic words announced her arrival, from a doorway not far from the tree. She looked completely exhausted and I noticed she wasn't actually wearing make-up for once. The dampness to her hair hinted she'd just walked out of a bath. "Come here," she urged, taking Caspar by the arm and tugging him towards her. "Tearing up your fists isn't going to change anything."

"It's all so… so pointless!" Caspar tried to pull himself away from Dorothea, and only didn't because he himself was just as exhausted as the rest of us. Exhausted in both body and heart, and that made anyone weak. "So many people heartbroken and… and…" He looked down, trembling from frustration. "What the hell is all of this anyway? What the hell…?"

"'Hell' seems far too accurate of a term." Dorothea carefully brushed her fingers over Caspar's knuckles, frowning. "Drat, I'm completely drained. We need to find a medical kit."

"No need, for I have brought one." And suddenly there was Ferdinand. He appeared from the same doorway as Dorothea, and I wondered if the connecting hallway roomed most of my students. "I heard Caspar yelling and thought it might be needed," he explained, opening up the small kit. Dorothea gave him a surprised look, but took out some tweezers to pick out splinters. "But, Caspar, to give some sort of answer… this is what happens when nobles try to force their views." Ferdinand sighed and looked around slowly. I ducked to the side to avoid being seen, while studying him. His sleeves were rolled up to his elbows and were damp; his arms were pink from hard scrubbing. His collar was noticeably damp, but not his hair. All that, and the stains on his clothes, hinted that he'd just given himself a basic wash instead of a full bath as Dorothea had done. "I do not see Ashe near…"

"From what I understand, the castle's steward took charge of him, so that they might inform Ashe's younger siblings of… what happened," Dorothea answered dully. Finished with the tweezers, she dropped them back into the kit. Ferdinand helpfully passed her some disinfectant. "I imagine he is with them and I take it you're attempting to show more tact than Lorenz."

"Well, I would rather he not hear what I say." Ferdinand looked around one more time, just in case. "Perhaps it is because of my upbringing, but… I can't help but view all this as monstrous."

"Ferdie, given everything your father has done…"

"No, not everything." Ferdinand's words were almost cold. "I highly doubt I shall ever truly know everything he has done, everything his compatriots have done. I have seen some, however, and I have seen some of the damage and suffering those deeds have left in their wake." He closed his eyes and shook his head abruptly. "No matter how kindly he treated me, I am not completely blind or deaf."

"...Ferdie…" Dorothea's eyes widened, and she almost lost her grip on the disinfectant. She caught it in time, though. "That's…"

"I was born a noble. I was afforded luxuries others can only dream of. As such, I believe it is my duty to use what I learned to protect those under my charge. It is my duty to better the lives of my people. What we saw today… what we did…" All at once, Ferdinand drooped. "I fail to see how this protects anyone."

...I wished so dearly that I could help them. But I knew I couldn't. Not really. All I had were empty words and emptier comfort. So, though I longed to go to them, I turned away instead and headed down the hall away from there. To my surprise, though, I saw I wasn't the only one in the hallway. Edelgard was but a few windows down, looking out of one. Her jacket was off, revealing the red shirt she wore underneath, and there was blood matted in her hair. Her hands were mottled with popped blisters, and she had a scabbed cut on her cheek. Aside from that and the bits of dirt and sweat staining her skin and clothes, she seemed remarkably well. She even had enough energy to smile when she turned and happened to see me.

"Hello, Professor," she greeted, remaining perfectly poised. It was like we were in the halls of the monastery, not the halls of a castle whose lord and people we slaughtered. "How fares the infirmary? I was chased out a while ago."

"Everything that can be done, has," I answered, shrugging. I didn't know what else to say and, instead, simply joined her by the window. I wished I hadn't; it had a perfect view of the carnage our battle had left behind. "Though, I fear most of us cannot accept that."

"Yes, everyone is definitely shaken, fighting the militia." Edelgard returned her attention to the outside, gazing at the remnants with an impassive eye. I spared a brief thought wondering where Hubert might be and decided he was probably washing up. "Still, I think it's disrespectful to think them simply victims. They allied themselves with Lord Lonato because they thought his cause just and they died for what they believed in. There is no shame in that." She relayed her thoughts easily, but each one felt like a dagger to my heart. Surrounded by the blood and death, each one… "Of course, we have no choice to eliminate those who cling to unreasonable ideas of justice. That is what happened today." She looked at me, unknowing of the conflict roiling within my spirit. "Really, though, dying for the greater good is not a death in vain. It's not possible to change the world without sacrifice."

'Greater good.' 'Change the world'. 'Sacrifice'. The phrases were too loud and echoed harshly in my head. I grit my teeth to keep from snapping, though. What good would it do? If anything, opening my mouth would just make it easier for me to vomit. The nausea was almost overwhelming.

"Still, you have to admit it leaves a foul taste in your mouth," Claude commented, joining us from… somewhere. I had no idea. I hadn't seen him, hadn't heard him. My heartbeat was faster than usual, louder than usual. The death, the blood… I needed it gone. I needed it masked. I needed… I needed…! "But wow, seeing Catherine fight was amazing! I thought the stories exaggerated the power of the Relics, but if anything, they understated it. Makes me wonder a bit more about that legend of the mountain."

"You speak of the Sword of the Creator, yes?" Edelgard 'asked', laughing about something. No clue what. Couldn't bring myself to care. I was aghast at the sharp change of subject and couldn't understand at all why anyone would find fighting 'amazing'. "They say Nemesis destroyed an entire mountain with a single swing from it."

"I know! Fascinating, isn't it?" Why was that fascinating? I couldn't understand why anyone would want that sort of power, much less like it. Destroying mountains? Did they have any idea just how damaging that could be? Ignoring the obvious of 'rubble' and 'landslides' and 'mass destruction of local animals and plants', mountains had some effect on the climate of the surrounding land. The damage and change could… it could… "Sure would be interesting to see. Alas, I heard it was hidden away upon Nemesis's demise. Though, of course, since we're the weird ones who found a holy chalice..."

"Perhaps we might see it? An interesting notion." Edelgard muffled another laugh. I tried to think of a good reason to escape; my mind blanked. There was just the death and blood clinging to me, and Edelgard's words ringing in my ears. Sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice! As if anyone who said that knew the meaning of the word! As if anyone who chose that path wanted anything but their selfish ideals to become a reality! As if anyone who thought of the 'greater good' paid any attention at all to what was lost! All the people who died, who screamed, who mourned! As if anyone who thought that way actually cared! "Regardless, what brings you over here?"

"What? Do I need a reason to spend a little quality time with you, princess?" Claude laughed like it was a joke. Edelgard rolled her eyes. "No, I was taking a little walk and saw you two, so I'd thought I'd be nosy."

"What a surprise."

"I know, right? It's almost as surprising as… hmm? Oh, hey there, Leonie." It took a couple of blinks to realize Leonie was here. I hadn't seen nor heard her approach either. "What's up?"

"Well, the knights sent a message saying that they're going to pull out soon," Leonie reported. She stood up straight, but her voice was dull. Guilt clung to her like a shroud. "Figured I'd better let you leaders know. Not sure where Prince Dimitri is, though."

"Last I saw, he was carrying Marianne to her room, but wow, Leonie, you look as sad as a kitten without yarn," Claude commented, both answering the question and sharply changing the subject. Maybe. "Yeah, I get that this whole thing leaves a bad taste in your throat, but we did what we had to do. If we hadn't stopped them here, they would've crushed every village between here and the monastery. Sometimes, you just have to sacrifice the few for the many."

'Few for the many.' Claude's words joined the harsh echo of Edelgard's in my head. Over and over, louder and louder. And in the sounds, I didn't see my three students. I didn't see them talking, reporting, reassuring, whatever. Instead, I saw thousands upon thousands dead and strewn about a broken field. I saw children trampled into the mud. I saw rotting corpses left behind with no one to mourn. I saw people screaming as loved ones died in their arms. I saw rivers overflowing with blood and bodies. I saw… I saw…

I left abruptly, covering my mouth to try and fight back the nausea that came with such thoughts, memories, dreams. It was a mistake, though. I hadn't washed up yet, so my hands were bloody and gritty and spotted still with ash from my flames. My flames that devoured lives and cursed their loved ones to shattered worlds and dreams. The iron, the mud, the smoke… the taste filled my mouth and bit into my tongue and throat. It only reminded me of the death engulfing me. The blood and dirt and rot that clawed and slithered under my skin, squirming and wriggling like maggots...

I barely made it to an open window before vomiting. The sour taste of bile took enough of the edge off the iron and ash to let me try and figure out if the window had been conveniently open or if I'd managed to force it open first. It didn't matter, of course. But it was an errant thought that let me actually stand up straight and wipe my mouth instead of puking more of my guts out. Let me remember that I needed to find my bags. I needed my perfume. If I could mask things, just a little, then I could… I could…

"Byleth, there you are." Sadly, however, it apparently was time for even more socializing. Because Catherine was on the far end of the hall, waving at me. I almost ignored her, but decided it would be too tedious to do so. Knowing what little of Catherine that I did, she'd probably chase after me. "Over here," she ordered, like her signal wasn't obvious. I made myself walk over, and Sothis thankfully 'hugged' me to keep me grounded. "Sorry, but I really don't want the servants to see me."

"Considering earlier, I'm surprised you were let in," I noted, pretending to be calm. It was easy; no one could read me. "Did you slip in with some wounded?" She wore no disguise, so...

"No, I just… know a few other ways in." She almost sounded uncomfortable, so I focused more on her clothes. She wasn't wearing any armor, and unlike me, she looked perfectly clean. "Anyway, I wanted to show you something." She all but shoved a small, rolled-up piece of paper at me. Frowning slightly, I opened it up and skimmed through the words scrawled on the page. "I found this on Lord Lonato."

"Why were you going through the body?" I skimmed through the words again, exasperated at what I read. A supposed plot against Rhea, written with no pretense of codes? Such an obvious and lazy attempt for a trap.

"I was taking off his armor. We have to remove it quickly from the dead, lest they sink into the rivers of death." If she believed that, then she had to hail from Eastern Faerghus. Given that Dimitri knew her in her old life, I supposed that made sense. "This was tucked in a bag within his chest plate. The contents are disturbing, even though the source is suspect." Her fists clenched at her side, and I blinked slowly, certain I was misreading her and she hadn't- "We have to warn Lady Rhea immediately." ...Hadn't fallen straight into the trap. But no, she did.

"Very well." Sothis had to help me keep my sarcasm in check. If she wanted to dive into the trap, then I doubted I could stop her. "Then head back." I frowned slightly when her expression suddenly became incredulous. "What?"

"You say that like you're not coming with us."

"I will return either when Ashe returns or when Ashe decides he will remain here. Anyone that wishes to head back can and should, of course, but I will not push Ashe to make this decision and I will wait for him." I rolled up the paper again and handed it to her, making sure to look her dead in the eye. "I have said this before and I will say it now, Catherine. I am not a member of the church. My duty is not to the church. My duty is to my students." If Rhea wanted me to prioritize her over them, then she should've never entrusted them to me in the first place.

["I wonder if she knows how much of a mistake that was."] Sothis, at least, seemed amused by all of this. ["Of course I am. If I didn't laugh at how poorly everyone has judged you, I'd have to scream instead. I'd rather not inflict that on you and Azrael. He's fretting over you, by the way, and has a vial of perfume for you."] I was so lucky to have him as a twin. ["Just as he is lucky to have you. Who else could spend their whole life with him and not stab him at least once?"]

Deciding it was better for me to leave Catherine staring and continue having this silent conversation with Sothis, I left without another spoken word, focused on Sothis and locating my dear twin. Before I vomited again. I could already feel the blood and death squirming...

---

Surprisingly, all of my students stayed. When Catherine and the other Knights left, not a single one went with them. Truthfully, I had only expected the cubs and maybe one or two of the others, but nope. All of my cubs, eaglets, fawns, and pups stayed. No small few of them even scoffed at the idea of leaving. I couldn't help but be a little touched by that sense of unity. Made me think that maybe those lessons on cooperation were getting through. Certainly, I didn't see nearly as many arguments as I expected whenever I had time to walk around and check on everyone. Not even from Lorenz and Mercedes, which I confirmed when I passed by the infirmary on my daily 'patrol'.

"Mercedes, mayhaps you should take a break?" Lorenz suggested, while casting 'heal' on a patient. While his skill with magic and faith spells was average, at best, he absolutely insisted on taking at least one infirmary shift per day. Something about it being his duty as a noble to tend to the common folk. When it was brought up that there were other ways, he'd simply (well, pompously, actually) declared he'd do those as well. "You have been tending to the wounded for over an hour, and you've gained blisters on your hands from the work."

"Actually, I think the blisters are from making medicines…" Mercedes gently countered, focused entirely on smearing some balm over an unconscious patient's stitched up chest. Considering their last 'conversation', I was surprised she was being so polite. "They appeared after I mixed in a certain herb. I'll want to test the balm I made before using it on the wounded…"

"You say that as if that is not even more of a reason to rest." Lorenz waited until she had finished and then took the jar of balm from her. "I will finish with this. You should have your hands checked and treated."

"My, how gallant." Well, she was mostly polite. Her smile was serene, but I definitely caught the slight edge to the words. "Do I appear so helpless?"

"I could mention my duty as a nobleman, but somehow, I feel as if you would find a way to utterly shred my words with a smile." Lorenz helpfully offered her a hand up, and she took it carefully. Both were mindful of the blisters scattered all over her palms. "So, shall I claim self-preservation? I dare not face Annette's wrath if you become grievously injured in my presence."

"Oh, Annie would just set your hair on fire. It would give you a lovely excuse to fix that haircut. She prefers to be helpful, even when she's mad." Mercedes continued smiling sweetly. While continuing to be ever-so-gently sarcastic. Lorenz, for his part, brought a hand up to his hair as if to protect it. "I suppose it is nice to hear a reason besides duty, though."

"...Whatever do you mean?" Lorenz frowned. "Is it not the pinnacle of nobility to be dutiful? We have seen what the lack of it yields."

"Perhaps. But Lorenz…" Mercedes's smile finally dropped, for a slight frown. Combined with the resignation in her gaze, she looked like she was pitying him. "There is a very big difference in helping someone because you wish to and helping someone because you feel you must. I pray that one day, you truly understand that difference. Otherwise, you will be no different, ultimately, than the nobles you claim to despise. That's what I think, at least." She went right back to smiling, as if nothing was wrong at all. "With that said, I believe I shall take your suggestion and have my hands looked at. Will you be all right until the next shift arrives?"

"Of course. It shan't be long until then." Lorenz's frown only deepened, but he bowed politely to her. "Good day, Mercedes."

"Don't forget to eat lunch today. Dedue and Bernadetta are on cooking duty."

"Then rest assured I shall be certain to partake in lunch."

I lingered until Mercedes left, just in case. But she left without fuss, and Lorenz resumed his tasks without hesitation. So, I decided to leave it be for now and resumed my 'patrol', hoping that it would open the opportunity for more discussions later. I still remembered the serenely biting words she'd said. There was more to that story, though it wasn't my business to ask. Only if Mercedes herself wanted me to know, and-

"Ashe." This… this was a surprise. No one had seen Ashe since the battle. He'd hidden himself in the 'family wing' of the castle with his younger brother and sister, and no servant would let any of us pass. We'd only had their word that he was still alive. "Wow, you… look like hell." Yet, when I turned the corner, I saw him there, having been stopped by Sylvain. "You haven't eaten anything, have you?" Sylvain continued, frowning slightly at Ashe. "I can tell. You resemble Dimitri after what happened in Duscur."

"I've eaten a little," Ashe protested. Sylvain was right, though. Ashe… between the pasty gray of his skin, how sunken his eyes appeared, and… either he wore baggier clothes than usual or he had lost a significant amount of weight. All of it combined to give the appearance of a walking corpse, instead of the bright and smiling boy I'd gotten to know. "...Mostly some broth. But please tell me you didn't scrabble up the side of the castle to sneak a note into my room just to comment on that." He did what now. "Dare I ask how you even learned how to climb like that?"

"I could make a joke about needing to escape some bedrooms, but only if it'll actually make you laugh or groan." Sylvain smiled half-heartedly, while Ashe just grimaced. "Anyway, no, that's not why. It's just that I feel there's something you've a right to know and I thought it would be better to tell you sooner rather than later."

"What is it?"

"...Felix and I killed Lonato, Ashe." Sylvain said the words calmly and cooly. Ashe's eyes widened and he somehow became even paler. His freckles stood out sharply, like blood splatter on stone. "Felix won't admit to it, but his reasons were the same as mine. Lonato was a knight and noble of Faerghus, so a knight and noble of Faerghus should be the one to deal the final blow. Though, given the oath sworn by the King of Lions, since Lonato drew blade on the Church, it really should've been Dimitri who killed him, as the rightful king."

"But you…" Ashe's words croaked and rasped and he coughed harshly while trying to pry them from his throat. "You and Felix did."

"We did, sadly. After all, the closest things we had to Kingdom knights were Felix, Ingrid, Dimitri, and me." Sylvain ran a hand through his hair, still remarkably… no. No, I was wrong. He wasn't calm; he was too tense for that. He just… didn't regret it. That's what I thought, at least. He wasn't calm, but he had no regrets. "I'll state that I did try to talk him down. Maybe someone else could've done it better. But Lonato was stuck with Felix and me, so…"

"You and Felix killed Lonato."

"Yes. We did it so that Dimitri wouldn't have to." Sylvain made sure to look Ashe in the eye. "I'm a good-for-nothing and reckless flirt, but I am also a knight. I will do what I have to for my king and no matter what Felix says or how he acts, he's the same." Ashe said nothing, and the silence screamed. Sylvain smiled slightly, as if making a joke. "You're welcome to punch me, but you may want to wait until you can put some force behind it."

"I don't want to hit you." Ashe's head dropped, so the words could actually fall out of his mouth properly. "I don't… know what…"

"Maybe it would've been better to wait more than a couple of days, but… well, I doubt there's ever a 'good time' for something like this. And I didn't… well, you deserved to know. Know who to be angry at. So that it doesn't turn inward or cause you to lash." Sylvain let his smile fall, thankfully. "You should probably go lie down or something. Do you need me to carry you? Or, well, I can ask someone else to carry you, if you'd rather that."

"No, I can…" Ashe attempted to take a step back, but his knees immediately buckled. Sylvain quickly caught him to keep him from falling. Ashe flailed, however, and landed hard on the floor anyway. "I…"

"I'll get someone, then." Sylvain stepped back, and ran his hand through his hair again. I saw the one still at his side shake slightly. Pain? Maybe. "Won't be long. Promise."

I thought about offering. After all, I was right there. But someone must've already been looking for Ashe, because Sylvain had barely left before a servant came rushing up to bustle Ashe back to the family wing. Biting back a sigh, I simply… walked down the hall to continue my 'patrol'. I knew from experience that even if I did chase, I'd be shoved away by the servants. They might let us stay because of our association with Ashe, but our complicity with Lonato's death… it made them very reluctant to trust us with those they held precious.

Eventually, I made it to the courtyard by the guest rooms my students used and decided to step out for a bit of sunshine. I quickly saw I wasn't the first to see if the charm of the outdoors might lift my spirits. Caspar was also here, sitting on the roots of the very tree he'd punched in frustration the day we arrived. Based on his grim expression, I could only assume the charms had no more effect on him than it did me.

"Caspar?" I called softly, trying to not startle him as I walked over to him. He just looked up at me, as solemn and quiet as I'd ever seen. "What's on your mind?"

"The battle," he mumbled. He let his head fall and his whole upper body followed to rest against his legs and knees. "Just… what the hell even was that? There's no… everything was..."

"..." Unsure of what to say or do, I reached down to stroke his hair. "You have a strong sense of justice, Caspar. A strong sense of ideals. Those are beautiful things, I think. However…" How did I…? I could use the words Edelgard and Claude did, but they felt like blades in my mouth, worthless and selfish words that led to nothing but blood. "On the battlefield, Caspar, there's no such thing as 'good' or 'evil'. War is the furthest thing from justice."

"I get that… sorta." Caspar looked up at me again; I kept stroking his hair. "My father commands the armies. I know what was done to Brigid and Dagda. Though…" He trailed off and I waited for him to find his words. "Maybe… it wasn't good or anything. But they were going to invade, right? So I guess… I don't know. Guess even though I hate what was done, I still thought it…" He groaned and let his head fall to his knees again. "I don't know. I'm an idiot even at my best. What even was all of this?"

"We had a people led by a lord they adored, who would have brought destruction and chaos to every village they passed, in the belief that they would topple a tyrannical despot who deceives Fodlan with false justice." Personally, I thought it was a bit much. But I… I could see the grains of truth that would cause them to think that. Rhea's tendency to lie and hide… not to mention just how quickly the knights left the people behind to pick up the pieces themselves… "So, we fought and won. They lost and died."

"And now everything is a mess." Caspar shifted, and I thought he was going to stand up. Instead, however, he leaned on my leg. "I… I don't think Lonato was evil. Ashe is just too nice."

"I don't think so either."

"It's okay to feel bad about all this, right?"

"Of course it is."

"...You sure?"

"Yes."

"...Thanks, professor…"

Caspar rested against me for a while longer, leeching whatever comfort he could get from me, until Hilda called him over for something. After he left, I leaned against the tree, letting the sunshine wash over me, before heading back inside to continue my walk. It didn't really surprise me that I ran into another one of my students, though I did find it strangely amusing that I found Dimitri by the same window Edelgard had looked out of that first day. Amusing and bitter…

"Professor, are you taking your daily walk?" Dimitri asked when he noticed me. I shrugged, since I didn't think it needed an answer. "Annette insisted I take one as well. She walks in the mornings usually, a habit she picked up from her father."

"Does she also stare out windows?" I asked, in some attempt at teasing. Considering the 'view', though, it felt flat. "I can imagine that easily."

"I can as well, though I hope her thoughts are… happier than mine." Dimitri looked out the window again, expression severe. "...We did what we had to do." ...Oh, please, no. No, not again. I might not be as bloody and reeking with death, but I couldn't hear this conversation again. Not while the dead were still being buried and- "Yet that… that was my first time as well, killing civilians like that." Except unlike Edelgard and Claude, Dimitri… he actually seemed shakened by it all. Unlike them, he didn't… "Those I'm sworn to protect… we..."

"That's the reality of war." Automatically, I defaulted to truths that gave no comfort. Because tt was always like this. Always. My very first battle, actually, had been so, so similar that I…

"Are you insane…?!" Surprisingly, Dimitri glared and snapped at me. I tried to think if he'd done either before. "Those weren't knights or soldiers! They were civilians who…!" He gestured sharply, like he could yank the words from the air, before he growled under his breath. "We… we shouldn't have killed them! We should've found another way!" And even more surprisingly, he said… he said the things that I thought. How it shouldn't have happened like this. How we should've tried everything else first. All the things locked in my heart… to hear someone else say them… the surprise just left me staring. Staring until Dimitri took a few shuddering breaths and looked away from me. "I… I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled. It's not fair to you. You're certainly not to blame for these circumstances."

"Is anyone?"

"Many and none." That was probably as good of an answer as we were ever going to get. Though, there was that note Catherine discovered… and I certainly felt like I was forgetting something… "I know that if we didn't… do what we did… even more lives would've been lost. My mind understands that, at least, but my heart…" He closed his eyes briefly, as if to will back pain, before he turned to face me again. "Professor?"

"Hmm?"

"Those in power, no matter the era, always claim that they fight for a just cause. That they take life to protect it. But…" He hesitated, his gaze lowering to the ground. "But is it truly okay to take any life you please, all in the service of some implacable 'just cause'?" I had no response. I was too surprised to hear… yes, I'd seen regret many times. I'd seen the dead-eyes stares of survivors many times. I'd seen people take their own lives from the guilt of it all. But never had I heard someone else actually say… "Lonato didn't take up arms out of a lust for power, but because he thought the cause was just. Who's to say he wasn't, either? The genocide of Duscur, and how everyone reacts to it, proves all too well how far people will go when they're convinced they're correct."

"It wouldn't be the first time someone was wrongfully executed."

"Precisely." He looked up at me once more. "Maybe if we had taken the time to talk, we could've reached a mutual understanding, found a path that did not lead to so many dead…!" All at once, he smiled wryly. "Perhaps the notions seems laughable to you, mere lip service to naive ideals. But I…"

"Yes, it's terribly naive." I knew that. I knew that far too well. However, I… "I like it, though." I couldn't help but smile slightly at him. His wry smile slipped from his face, pushed off by astonishment. "I like it so much more than the reality of war." Hesitantly, I took his hand in mine, just to hold. Wasn't sure why. I just… Dad hated killing, but he rarely lost sleep over it. Azrael thought as much about killing as he did breathing. Always, I'd been surrounded by those who always accepted the deaths as inevitable and necessary, no matter what regrets they had. Despite all the people I'd heard and saw growing up, I never encountered anyone who felt as I did, that lives weren't worth these 'just causes'. To hear something so similar now… it was… "I truly hope that one day, a world like that can actually exist."

"Professor…" Dimitri turned his hand in mine, so that he was cradling them in his. "You do?"

"Yes." I would love nothing more than a world without battle, without war. "Still, such a day is a long way off and, until then, we continue to have those who selfishly decide a person's life is worth less than their ambitions. Who decide that people's lives are something to be weighed and counted like coin." I… I shouldn't be saying this. I shouldn't be saying any of this. It was terrifying. Yet I… I kept on babbling… "If I can change things… no, that sounds too grand. If I can keep just one person from being forced to know the weight of a life, then I'll keep wielding my blade in their stead. That way, they will never know the regret that comes with the burden."

"...Yes, you're right." Dimitri smiled so warmly and softly at me. I felt my own smile grow, just a little. "I too would rather bear the weight, so that those without power are not trampled by those who are strong." He looked to my hands, and carefully squeezed them reassuringly. It was a little tight, but I didn't mind at all. I was too content, really. "I..."

"Whoa!" It was only at Sylvain's yelp that I remembered Dimitri and I were in a hallway where anyone could walk past and actually noticed Sylvain had stepped out of one of the nearby rooms. "Your highness!" Sylvain gasped, a sly grin on his face. The basket of haphazardly piled blankets he carried hinted to why he was out and about; he must have volunteered to gather up the infirmary's laundry after finding that servant for Ashe. "Well, damn, I didn't know you had it in you!"

"Sylvain, I know that it can be hard for you, but would you please make sense?" Dimitri asked dryly. He raised a brow when Sylvian snickered. I was glad he was in a good mood, considering earlier, but I was just as confused as Dimitri here. "What sort of nonsense has gotten into your head this time?"

"Look, I'm not the one putting the moves on our professor!"

"I… what?" Dimitri blinked a couple of times, gaping, and Sylvain pointedly nodded at our clasped hands. "I… Sylvain, you've gotten the wrong idea!" Dimitri let go of my hands immediately, his face a bright red. I just tilted my head, wondering what was going on. "It's not… don't be so improper!"

"As I said, I'm not the one flirting with our professor. For the moment, at least." He winked at me, but otherwise focused fully on Dimitri. "I can't wait to tell Ingrid!"

"You're not infecting her with your madness!"

"Oh, and Felix too!"

"Sylvain!"

I really had no idea what was going on. But I supposed I'd just… leave them to it?

---

Lonato was buried a few days after the battle. Those who fought and died alongside him were buried the same day. Out of respect, the menagerie, Azrael, and I didn't visit until after the ceremonies had concluded. After all, we had killed some of them. We didn't have the right to mourn with their loved ones.

"Lysithea, why are you adding more candles?" Petra asked while we lingered by the graves. Scattered awkwardly about, uncertain of what to do as we stared at the graves of all those we killed, or helped killed. In fact, most of us had been silent, or kept to quiet whispers that couldn't be heard over the wind, until Petra broke the heavy silence. "Will the flames not be burning the flowers?"

"If they're placed right, then they shouldn't," Lysithea answered, carefully arranging some candles in front of one of the graves. It belonged to one of the militia; Lonato's grave was in the family crypts, or so I gathered. "As for why, Annette asked me."

"Why?"

"I don't know. I just went with it to have something to do." Lysithea pointed to another grave not far away, where Felix and Ingrid were setting up… something. At this angle, I couldn't see and I didn't feel like walking around so that I could. "All the cubs are in on it, whatever it is. Yuri too."

"Hmm…" Petra frowned, pressing her fist to her mouth. Then she turned to me. "Professor? Why would they be doing what they are doing?"

"Hmm? Ah…" I 'eloquently' responded. I was a little out of it, due to being plagued by even more nightmares than usual. It was difficult to see straight and I only kept standing at all thanks to Azrael letting me lean on him, under the guise of him hugging me and being his usual affectionate self. "Well…" Still, she had asked me, likely because no cubs were near besides the focused Felix and Ingrid, and I could see others shifting to face me, curious too. "If I had to guess, I would say they were prepping for a Ritual of Passing."

"Ritual of Passing?" Raphael asked, the quietest I'd ever heard him. He'd been very solemn since the battle, perhaps remembering his own parents' deaths. I wasn't sure, though; Raphael hadn't confided in me or anything. In fact, I half thought he was avoiding me. "That's different from a funeral?"

"Yes." Though, given that Annette was of House Dominic, a western noble house, I wouldn't have expected her to be involved. Was it just her helpful nature? "In Eastern Faerghus, it's believed that those who die with lingering regrets are trapped in the cold waters of the rivers of death. Trapped between the realms of the living and the dead, unable to do anything but scream and try to claw their way to the surface." Dad thought the reason why only the eastern part had this belief was due to Sreng and pieces of their culture blending in due to past interactions, but he wasn't all that certain. Relations with Sreng had been sour even when Nemesis lived, supposedly. "So, in order to help guide the trapped dead, the Ritual of Passing is held. I think its held for all those who die in battle or from natural disasters." Truthfully, it was a ceremony that accompanied most funerals in Eastern Faerghus no matter the death, just in case. "Quite a few of the stories of ghosts and hauntings can be traced to this belief, actually, and the fear that it did not help the lost dead."

"Oh, so they're just… helping the dead a little more, huh?" Raphael nodded a couple of times, as if to make sense of it. "That's kind. Can we help?"

"Find the rest of the cubs, and the leader of our pups, and see." I made myself smile a little, though… truthfully, my vision was getting fuzzy. I was absolutely exhausted… "Everyone else… well, why not see if the townsfolk need assistance?"

They all agreed to the suggestion or, at least, pretended to. I think. Truthfully, I had long reached the end of my tether and I mostly just saw them meandering off. Then Azrael had me up on his back and was carrying me back to the castle proper. I didn't hear the explanation he gave. Honestly, everyone might've just written it off as me indulging him. Either way, though, we were away from everyone within seconds that felt like eternity and only then did I feel myself sag against him, no longer trying to be proper or anything.

"So, while I was thinking we could read together, I think we're better off dropping you off to bed," Azrael commented, hopping up to walk along the wall of some garden briefly before jumping back down to the road. Just because he could. "My own vision is starting to spin from what I'm getting from you."

"Sorry…" I mumbled, guilt spiking through me. I let my head drop to his shoulder and closed my eyes to help stave off the dizziness. Azrael's small sigh of relief hinted it did help. "Didn't sleep."

"I know. And if I didn't, Sothis's worry would've told me." True. Sothis's worry was practically palpable. "You need something in your stomach too. I think there's some ginger candy stored in the kitchens and…" Azrael trailed off, and I sensed his surprise. "Shamir? What in creation are you doing here?"

"Strange that I've traveled all over and I've never heard anyone use that particular phrase before meeting you and your family." Shamir's voice was dry, and when I lifted my head to look at her, I managed to make out her stoic expression. Barely. I think. Maybe. "Whatever," she continued without letting Azrael reply. "Can't say I expected to see you here."

"Of course I am. My sister is here," Azrael replied, in a tone that screamed how obvious he thought the reason was. I 'nudged' him through our bond in gentle reprimand and let my head fall back to his shoulder. "Why people expect me to be more loyal to the church than her is a question that will forever baffle me. Well, unless I simply take it as people's sense of entitlement." Damn it, Azrael.

"I was more speaking in the general sense, actually. I know from Catherine that the knights left. Thought you and the students would be with them." From Catherine? "Got a missive via birds about the note she found and, thus, I've been recalled to the monastery."

"Note?" Azrael was confused for a moment, but then I reminded him through our bond. I'd made sure to tell him, after all. "Oh, the stupidly obvious trap that Catherine dove head-first."

"Well, what happened four years ago here in the Kingdom proves quite well what happens when a leader is suddenly killed. Or, well, you two were mercenaries. You two know just as well as I do how the best way to send your enemy into madness and chaos is to kill the head."

"Cut off the head and let the rest rot, yes, yes, common strategy. Still doesn't hide the obvious trap. When Byleth is a little less sleepy, I'm sure she'll wriggle out the truth of the matter." Did I have to?

"I'd say 'such faith', but both you and her have proven yourselves to be exceptionally skilled for your age. I've known mercenaries thrice your age with less than a third of your skills." Testament to both Dad's teaching and how you had a lot of time to learn things when people wanted nothing to do with you. "Regardless, they want an assassin's view of things. When I passed by, however,I noticed the activity and decided to scout."

"And then came to say 'hello'. How polite!" Azrael sounded perfectly sarcastic, and I heard Shamir choke on a little laugh. "Such a shame you couldn't be here to enjoy the fun. Might've saved us some aches and pains."

"There's many reasons why. You know that." Shamir made some sort of questioning noise. "Is she awake?"

"Does it matter?" Azrael shifted me a little higher to adjust his grip on my legs. "Byleth and I don't have secrets." Rather hard when we could sense so much from each other. "Anyway, what's the real reason you're here? There's this lovely book that I really want to get back to, and Byleth needs a nap."

"Mostly confirming that the extra noise was you lot and that they were here 'officially'. Which meant seeing where Byleth was. Even if she's out." Nope, just only half-asleep. It sucked. "Now that that's done, I'll get going. Any message you need me to pass on?"

"Well, if you're…" Azrael winced when I pressed my exasperation on him. There were limits to sarcasm, even for him. "Never mind."

"Be careful traveling, Shamir," I murmured, forcing myself to lift my head. Shamir was… a few blotches. I really needed to sleep. "The area is likely not going to be friendly to knights."

"Will do," Shamir replied, bowing her head slightly. At least, that's what I thought she did. "We'll talk at the monastery."

"Sure." Why not? However… "Rhea had reasons besides proving a point to the students, didn't she?"

"Why ask questions you know the answer to?" Damn it. "Why ask at all, actually? It's done."

"If you don't learn the 'why', then you can do nothing to prevent the next one. I'd rather not be an idiot like Rhea." ...That was aloud. I didn't mean for it to be, but it was. Azrael's amusement and Sothis's exasperation proved that.

"Yep, you two are related." Was it not obvious by how much Azrael and I looked alike? "You two and Jeralt are the only ones who get away with comments like that."

"Please tell me you're not going to stalk me like Catherine says she is."

"No, and I need to have a few words with her on how stupid that is." She sighed heavily. "Now I'm definitely leaving before you tell me more things that'll give me a headache."

I didn't see her leave. I didn't hear her either. My mind immediately latched onto Shamir's 'answer' and followed the path from there. Or, well, the path I suspected.

Rhea wanted to prove a point. Exert her authority, that sort of thing. But it wasn't just my students, just the heirs, that she wanted to show. No, it was Fodlan. All of Fodlan. 'This is what happens when you oppose the Church.' In this day and age when the cultural importance of the church had waned, she at least wanted to show that its military prowess had not ebbed. Perhaps she thought it a deterrent? Kill a few now and prevent battles? While I could see the logic, I didn't think such a thing would truly work. Not in the long term. Peace forced through power… that seemed like a fragile thing. One that would break at the first brush of a threat. Not to mention that such a thing would require a leader of unparalleled charisma and cunning to make everyone dance to their tune, and that was just frankly stupid. Even if such a person existed (and I severely doubted it), what would happen when they died? Either a new threat had to be 'found' or it would implode on itself. Peace through force was on the surface the easiest and shortest path, but I thought it was just an illusion. A temporary 'fix' at best, that truly made things more difficult and led to more lives lost.

...Of course, any other kind of peace required talking and from what I had seen, Rhea and 'talking things out' didn't seem to go together, given her tendency to hide and lie. It was all the more apparent when the 'other side' had gone against her. That was why we even had something like this. Well, no, not fully. Lonato made his own choices, of course. Even if someone provided fertile ground, you still chose what to plant and what to reap. It wasn't fair to place it all on Rhea, especially when other people had to be involved and…

"Byleth, you're doing it again," Azrael 'complained'. His fond exasperation fluttered through my head, trailing in the thoughts of what he meant by 'again'. "You've been doing this all month. Everything with Mom and the chalice shook you, huh?" I didn't say anything. Like usual, I didn't need to. "Mom, the ritual, then this bullshit. Freaking hell, I'm reminded of our first battle. Just dropped into the middle of a nightmare because someone felt entitled to our blades and wanted to use them to exert their authority. Humans really are the same, huh?"

"Azrael, you don't need to say it aloud," I mumbled, a little irritated. Mostly because… he already knew I was reminded of that first battle too. It did nothing to help my raw nerves and keening heart. This whole month just sucked. "I'm in your head just as much as you're in mine."

"Yes, but sometimes, we use our words to emphasize things, dear sister of mine." And the thoughts and feelings with the words… they made me smile slightly, at how silly I was being. Stuck in my own head… I'd accidentally blocked out his reassurances. The very reassurances I'd needed over the years to remind myself that it didn't matter if I was a monster or selfish. I was still loved, and I still had a life to live. I still had my twin, and no matter how apathetic he was to the world, he felt similarly to me. Shaken by Aelfric and angered over what Rhea dropped us into. Determined to help my menagerie get through all of this, just like me. "You and I have never done well alone."

"No, because we've always had each other." I held him a little tighter, as best of a hug as I could manage with him carrying me on his back. "I suppose I've been stuck in a lot of gray and murky thoughts recently."

"Your students certainly do challenge a lot, and they never fail to remind me of just how unusual our upbringing was. Really just emphasizes all those parts you're not quite comfy with." Yes, we were weird. But that was okay. Even if I kept expecting someone to finally snap and act the same as every other stranger in our lives had. "I suppose it's a reminder that we need to try and keep our minds open, huh? Or not. I don't care either way, really."

"Nope, you'll always do what you want." And that included poking me when I was spiraling out of control due to the blood and death that followed us, no matter where we were… "I'm very lucky, to have you as my twin."

"Just as lucky as I am. Gods knows how bad I'd be without you to act as my conscience."

"I am not…"

["Honestly, I really wish I had woken up sooner so that I could nip so many things in the bud for both of you."] Sothis sighed gustily, and I could hear her click her tongue. Wondered what brought that comment on... ["Still, you two do have your methods to help each other. Particularly when you start drowning in other people's pain, like you have been for the past month or so."] Sothis… I… ["Ah, no more thoughts. And certainly no more complex philosophical problems for the day. You have enough trouble sleeping as it is."] Though her scolding was no-nonsense, as usual, there was a gentleness to them as well. ["Would you like a lullaby?"] Since when did she sing? ["Do you want one or not?"] She already knew the answer to that. I loved songs and I would love to hear her sing. ["Very well then."]

Sothis had a very pretty singing voice. That was the last coherent thought I had before sleep finally dragged me off. Safely asleep on Azrael's back, listening to Sothis sing… the only way it could've been more peaceful was if Dad were here...

---

I had no idea how much sleep I'd actually gotten when a knock at the door woke me up. Enough that I could see straight, though Sothis immediately insisted that I should go right back to sleep. I ignored her completely and rolled out of bed, rubbing my neck to ease the sudden crick in it before that lovely healing rate of mine made it go away. Good thing I did, since whoever knocked on the door did so again, clearly not intending on leaving. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, surprised to find it lingering so, and opened the door to find Yuri there.

"Hello, milady," he greeted cheerfully enough. However, his smile did nothing to brighten the grim seriousness in his gaze. "Interesting conversation I had with your twin earlier. Something about you wanting more information, feeling that there were too many things just plain wrong to fit the picture we were seeing." I didn't remember discussing that with my twin at all and thus could only conclude that he'd plucked that from the mess my thoughts had been and acted on them in my place. "So, are you up for a report? I've found some interesting things, but…" He shrugged, smile fading. "You're ridiculously stoic, yes, but I know how exhausted the rest of us are and you've been running around three times as much."

"Yet if this was something that you thought could wait, you would've," I pointed out softly. He gave no reply, confirming my words. So, it didn't matter that I really could use more sleep. This was more important than that. "Best come in." I stepped out of the way and Yuri slipped inside before shutting the door behind him. "I'm afraid I don't have my usual tea, or even glasses here." The guest rooms in Castle Gaspard didn't exactly have the extra place for miscellaneous things like that. Though, honestly, I was thankful enough for the private bathroom.

"I'll forgive the lack only on the promise that we'll have tea when we're back at the monastery. I've heard so many delicious things about it." Yuri's faint smirk hinted he wasn't talking about just the tea, but for the life of me, I couldn't guess what else it was. "Now then…" He glanced around the room before pushing himself up to sit on the desk in the corner. "Where to begin…"

"That much, huh?" I leaned against the opposite wall, thinking of what all Azrael might've reacted to. Then I decided to simply start at the beginning. "The assassins." Because Ashe said… I remembered him saying that Lonato hated assassins. Assassins and poisons both. While there were many who compromised their own morals for the sake of their goals, it still...

"As good of a place as any, especially given that they were what clued us in to what was going on here." He tried to keep his voice light, but there was too much weight to them. This wasn't… this wasn't going to be 'good', was it? "Well, interestingly enough, milady… any questioning about assassins led to the same sort of answer: no idea what I was talking about. I even had one ask what drug I'd smuggled in for me to even consider asking. Apparently, there was a large problem with somnilis recently here, and-"

"Side effects of the drug include paranoia, hallucinations, disorientation, distorted perception, impaired reaction time, agitation, increased hunger, among other things. Once the euphoric high wears off, at least." I rattled that all off absently, and Yuri tilted his head curiously. "Alcohol isn't the only poison some mercenaries consume in copious quantities to escape from the stress and dangers of the job. Just the most well-known."

"That doesn't quite explain… actually, wait, no, knowing you, you probably at least treated their symptoms." Yuri nodded a couple of times to himself. "Well, interesting tangent aside, they didn't know anything, save for whoever the church sent to strike them in the fog."

"Lonato could've kept it quiet, of course, but…" ...Wait. Wait, there were multiple pieces that clicked into place. Questions with answers that… "Yuri, how prepared were they?"

"Not at all." Yuri shifted back on the desk so that he could more easily draw a leg up and rest his arm on it. "They were just getting started when, suddenly, the church found out."

"And with the fog, they were attacked." Lonato's words… those words which implied the fog had been… "Did you ask about the fog?"

"Unusual, but not unheard of for the season, despite what I originally thought." And here I thought Ashe not reacting was just due to him being in shock. "Originally, they viewed it as a blessing. The fog allowed them to escape the vanguard. But then the attacks apparently started. Now, some view it as a fey playing a trick, while others place the blame solely on the church."

"I see…" I closed my eyes, trying to stop the whirling in my head. So many things… so many implications… "Escaped the vanguard, only to be caught by the rear…" The rear where Catherine was, who Lonato clearly hated… there was no way this would end without violence, between the sneak attacks from the fog and her presence. Granted, I was certain the Knights of Seiros were ordered to… but, then again, given Ashe, it was reasonable to assume Lonato might've surrendered to spare his people… if not for him oh-so-conveniently seeing a target of his rage. And if he had surrendered, would we have seen that note? That note with the trap…

Assassins who hit multiple targets, possibly working for multiple employers. Assassins who ran west and brought Gaspard's (supposedly) unprepared rebellion to light. A note tucked into Lonato's armor, clearly conveying a trap. And that damn fog… that unnatural, magically induced fog that Lonato's people did not know about… a fog that led Lonato away from the vanguard and to the rear…

"Yuri," I began softly, opening my eyes. He watched me like a hawk, looking for any twitch that would convey my thoughts. "Have all the dead and wounded been accounted for?"

"Aye, milady," Yuri replied, speaking just as quietly. He tensed, bracing his foot against the desk. "They have."

"Any unknown?"

"No."

"Okay." I was going to regret this. I really was. "I'm returning to the battlefield."

"I'll come with you."

"Very well."

It didn't take long at all to sneak out. No one stopped us or anything. No one even really paid attention. Still, Yuri and I were careful to not be followed as we left town and returned to the field. Despite the number of days it had been, it was still terribly obvious that a battle had been fought here. Broken pieces of armor littered the ground, speckling the churned mud. Discarded weapons slowly rusted amongst bloodstained grass. Impressions of bodies were still faintly visible… but just the impressions. Just the outlines left behind. Because the bodies had been collected for their burial. All of them, save one. It wasn't hard to find. I just had to follow my nose to find the corpse of that mage, the mage who had conjured the fog, still sprawled out in the mud. It was nauseating, and my stomach turned a few times, especially when I noticed where curious carrion eaters had nudged through to peck at the bloated, sloughing flesh.

"Just to confirm, Yuri," I managed to whisper. It took everything I had to not vomit. "Everyone was accounted for."

"Yep," Yuri answered, eyes narrowed. He looked over the corpse a few times, frowning. "Never seen a mask like that before, save in some old pictures. Maybe."

"I'll have to ask Dad." Steeling my nerves, I knelt down and removed the mask. Some of the skin tore with it, releasing more of that terrible smell, but I made myself ignore it. Instead, I set the mask on my leg and rifled through the body, searching for anything unusual.

To my surprise, I found something immediately; the clothes felt different. Even the parts not stiff with mud and blood felt different. It was hard to explain why, though. Just that it was 'smoother' than anything I'd encountered before. Almost as smooth as silk, but still different. I thought about just making a mental note, but Sothis silently encouraged me to cut off a small piece. So, I used my dagger to do so, making sure it was as clean as possible. Once I had that secured, I began rummaging through their belt and pockets. Sadly, there were no convenient notes or anything here. There was a small vial in one pocket, filled with a clouded liquid, but that was all I found and I was inclined to stop there. Until I remembered what we suspected: blood magic. This person could have used the spilt blood of the dead, but the fog had been there for so long, even before the battle… So, I looked through again, frowning slightly. Because if we were correct, then…

"Milady, wait," Yuri murmured, reaching over to stop me. I didn't know when he'd knelt down beside me. "Lift this corner of their robe again?" I did as he asked and he ran his fingers across the cloth hidden underneath. "The weight is… ah, there we are." With a quick flick of his wrist, he produced what looked to be a small dagger from an almost-perfectly concealed pocket. "I knew the cloth was stretched weirdly."

"Thank you for noticing," I whispered, taking the dagger from him. I might've had to resort to just poking the corpse continuously to find this. "So, this lends more weight to our theory of them being a blood mage and…" Unthinkingly, I popped the dagger from the sheathe and stilled when I noticed something. I… couldn't tell what kind of metal it was. While I'd never claim to be an expert, of course, I could usually pick out if something was iron or steel or silver at a glance. I had seen them so many times over the years that it just became second natured. This wasn't any of those. "I think we're done here."

"If you don't mind, I want to go over the body one more time." Yuri was already leaning over the corpse to do just that. "You can go ahead."

"No, I'll wait." I sheathed the dagger again and gathered up the other three items I was taking from the corpse before standing and taking a couple steps away to gather my thoughts.

["The metal is familiar."] A good thing too, since Sothis decided to drop that on me. ["I do not know why. But it is familiar, and this familiarity is…"] She paused, struggling for the words she wanted. ["It's tinged with anger, guilt, worry… so many complex emotions. If only I could remember why…"] It might be helpful, but with this, I thought we had… ["Yes, a good theory as to what happened here."] Potentially. Possibly.

We could be wrong. We could always be wrong. But based on everything, I could only come to the conclusion that Lonato had been used. Used to set and bait a trap for the church. And whoever had used him had been the ones to actually hire those assassins in the first place. There was the question of who, of course. But perhaps…

"Nothing more that I can find, milady," Yuri declared, hopping to his feet. He brushed the worst of the mud off his pants and came to my side. "I really must treat you to better dates. This is the second that's involved dead bodies."

"I keep telling you that you really don't owe me one," I chided, amused despite myself. Leave it to him to try and lighten the mood a little. "Yuri, is there a way to figure out who Lonato has met with recently?"

"Haven't had much luck so far, but I'll make it a priority. Maybe we can make some sense of this damn mess for Ashe." He sighed, shaking his head. "Damn all of this, really."

Yeah, that summed it up nicely. What in creation was going on?

---

It wasn't often I couldn't sleep due to things other than nightmares. But it seemed to be one of those nights. My thoughts kept bouncing around in my skull, constantly going over what I knew and seeing if I could wriggle out any sort of answer besides what I already suspected. Any answer that added to what I suspected. A clue to just who was truly behind all of this. I even rolled out of bed to write it all down in the hopes of it making more sense, or at least stop bouncing long enough for me to sleep. Didn't work. Instead, it just emphasized how much of a mess it was. So, Sothis suggested a walk. Through the halls. While holding a candle.

"If I scare my students because they mistook me for a ghost, I'm going to be mad at you, Sothis," I grumbled, clutching my robe around me. While I wasn't cold, I certainly felt like it anyway. A chill in my spirit instead of my body. "Or if I run into a fey. This is set up just like the stories, you know."

["As if I would let something like a fey harm you!"] Sothis almost sounded irritated at the suggestion. ["I will acknowledge some responsibility for scaring the children, though. You're the one who agreed."]

"Sothis, did you want me to ignore you while trying to sleep?" I smiled slightly when her 'response' was only a surge of indignation. "Why do you always suggest a walk anyway?"

["Tire out your body some and make it more likely to shut your thoughts off for a time."] That would be nice… I really did wish I was asleep. ["Besides, knowing the children, one or two of them is bound to be awake and…"] And we turned a corner to see she was more than correct. There was Constance, standing by a window while wearing a nightgown that once might've been very fancy, but now bore the testament of time and half-hearted mendings. ["Well, that was sooner than I thought."] Yeah, but here we were. So, I knocked on the wall to make a noise and let her know I was there. She jumped, startled, and whirled with a half-formed spell at her fingertips. When she saw me it was just me, though, she let the spell fade and… well, she stared. And stared. Aaand stared.

"Professor?" she finally called, her voice wavering slightly. I smiled slightly and waved. "You… are no ghost, yes?"

"I'm alive," I reassured, bitterly amused. Even if I had just joked about it, it was the first time I'd heard one of 'my' menagerie call me such a thing. The things strangers always called me… it was strange how long it had been since I'd heard it. Unless one counted the mercenaries screaming 'Ashen Demon'. Then again, with the candle and the shadows, I was sure I looked… ah, never mind. "I'm rather happy about that, truthfully."

"Oh, yes, good. It's good that you're…" Constance trailed off, biting her lip. "Professor?"

"Yes?"

"Your… your injury. Was it… I mean…" Never had I heard her stumble over her words. "You were healed?"

"I was, yes." I frowned a little then. "Was someone in the cohort not?"

"No, not that I know of. It's just…" She opened and closed her mouth a few times, trying to will (or find) the words she wanted, and fiddled with the fraying lace at the hem of her sleeves. "May I see?"

"Hmm?"

"Where you were stabbed. Skewered actually. In the chest." She looked at me pleadingly. "May I see?"

"Sure?" That was… an odd request. But it was clearly important, so I'd just go along with it. I was wearing one of Dad's old shirts, along with the bottoms Eliza made me. So, I set my candle down on the nearby windowsill and began pulling up my shirt.

"Good goddess, not in the middle of the hallway!" Constance, however, went bright red and looked positively scandalized. "In my room! Just down here!"

"I'm not sure what the difference is between me being shirtless in your room and shirtless in the hallway is?" I shrugged, though, and let the hem fall back down to pick up my candle again. "So, where is your room?"

Constance's room was just a few doors down from the window she'd been staring at, and she quickly ushered me inside before someone else came through. Not that I was sure why that was a worry, but she'd been embarrassed by the thought. Still, once we were inside her room, I set my candle on the nightstand before sitting on the bed and taking off my shirt. There was nowhere else to sit since, unlike my room, there wasn't a desk or anything. Just the bed and nightstand. I supposed I could've sat on the floor, actually, but Constance sat down next to me before long and peered at the upper part of my sternum, near where the sword had gone through.

"There's not even a hint of a scar…" Constance murmured at last, resting her fingertips on my sternum. Before pulling back her hand abruptly. "My apologies! I should not have touched without asking." She studied the area for a moment longer before sighing in… honestly, it seemed like relief. "Yes, you are well. That blade… it went straight through you and then it jerked out…" She shuddered and shook her head abruptly. "Goodness, what a terrifying moment… if not for you, it would've hit me…"

"They probably would've found a different target," I pointed out. In fact, I knew they would've. In that time I erased, that time I turned back, it was the mage who'd killed her. But I certainly couldn't explain that, so I just pulled on my shirt again, since she seemed to be done. "Someone who was more distracted than you."

"Still, you…" She bit her lip, her fingers twisting into her nightgown in her lap. "I'm sorry. I must seem silly."

"I will admit to being confused, yes, but I would not call you 'silly'. If anyone is 'silly', it is me for my ignorance and confusion." I smiled slightly and reached over to stroke her hair. "But I am well. Azrael confirmed it."

"He does seem like he'd take your health very seriously." That and he felt the pain I felt. "...Many died protecting me that day."

"Hmm?"

"The day my home fell. Many died that day, protecting me. I can still remember…" Her voice shook and she quickly shut her eyes to hide her tears. Her hands gripped her nightgown so tightly that her knuckles turned white. "Still remember their screams. Still remember seeing those sharp blades mutilating them into pincushions. Those sharp blades gleaming in the sunlight when the blood streaming down…"

"Oh, Constance…" Without thinking about it, I pulled her into a hug, letting her rest her head on my shoulder. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry you had to witness such a scene and I'm sorry I reminded you of it."

"It is not your fault. Neither is."

"Still, I'm sorry. Neither may be my fault, but I can still feel bad for your sake. I can still wish it did not happen." I could still hope for a world where such events wouldn't happen again. A world where people did not wield blades for ideals and conquest, killing all who stood in their way… "I am here, though. I am not dead. Whenever you need reassurances, I am right here."

"...Yes, you are." Slowly, she relaxed. Her hands slowly loosened her death-grip on her nightgown. "I cannot help but wonder, however. If I hadn't tried to go after the magical source alone…"

"It's hard to say what might've happened in a battle. Perhaps another would've been struck and perhaps they would've died." I reached up to stroke her hair again. Part of me wanted to ask why she'd tried to go alone, but I decided that conversation could wait for another time. "We are all here, though. We all survived."

"We did. I am truly grateful for that." She rested against me for a moment longer before sitting up again with a tired smile. "Thank you, for indulging me."

"It's certainly no trouble." All I did was take off my shirt and hold her, really. "But, you are welcome. Is there anything else?"

"Hmm…" She made a show of thinking before pointing dramatically at me. "Ah, of course! As a mercenary, you must have many contacts, yes?"

"Contacts?" I shook my head. "No, Dad handled the contracts and talking to people. I barely spoke two words to any of them." None of my employers wanted conversation. They didn't hire me for that. They just wanted to point me at their enemies, and set me loose like a monster. "I can ask him for you, though."

"Truly?" She smiled brightly, and I had to smile back a little. While I would never call her 'chipper', it was much better to see her smiling. "I shall accept that, then. How soon do you think you'll…" A knock on the door cut her off. "Yes?"

"Well, you sound awake, shady lady." Yuri opened the door and blinked a couple of times when he saw me there. "Huh, evening, milady," he greeted, nodding his head in greeting. I waved at him. "Am I interrupting anything?"

"No, our professor was simply reassuring me," Constance answered, standing. She frowned at him then, and crossed her arms. "What, however, brings you to visit a lady's room in the middle of the night?"

"Part of me is tempted to make a joke, but I'll hold off." He half-smiled, and… strangely, looked relieved. "Truthfully? Just making sure you're alive."

"Me?" Constance frowned more. "I do not recall being in such grievous danger during the battle."

"Yeah, I know. But I keep having this strangely realistic nightmare where you ran off, I eventually followed, and Balthus was holding your corpse." He shrugged, and I tried to not squirm. Because that did happen. The nightmares were simply… "Basically, the same as those nightmares I've had of when we were being chased by the phantoms and creepy doll and seeing Hapi not quite make it before the door shut." Ahaha… that happened too. I'd forgotten that I'd erased that, but… "And I'm being a worrier."

"Ah." Constance blinked a couple of times before sighing and relenting enough to smile. "Well, as you can see, I am whole and hale. Though, if you can stop calling me 'shady lady', I would be better."

"But your reactions are so amusing." Yuri smirked briefly before focusing on me. "What brings you in here, though, milady?"

"Constance wanted to ask about how spells can interact with one another in ways other than the known Resonance effect," I lied on the spot. Constance could tell Yuri herself if she wanted him to know about her worries. "I gave her a brief summary, but figured it would be better as a class lesson."

"Constance, you would be trying to do research when normal folk are sleeping," Yuri sighed. The lack of a pause made me hope he didn't see through the lie. Then again, most strangers didn't. "Oh, I thought I saw someone in the courtyard shooting."

"You did?" That seemed… "I'd best check on that, then." And seize the easy excuse to leave because I had no idea how to exit this conversation otherwise. "May the rest of the night treat you to pleasant dreams." Particularly when I used awkward things like that as my farewell.

I escaped with what dignity I could muster, and headed out to the courtyard where Yuri was right. There was someone practicing: Ignatz. Not sure why he wasn't, say, at a practice yard, but I couldn't deny that he was here, shooting dulled arrows at a specific spot on the tree. His form was passable, but it was still highly confusing and...

"...Ignatz, what are you doing?" I couldn't help but ask, even though it was kind of obvious. I felt bad when he yelped and threw his practice bow and arrow up in the air. I felt even worse when he scrambled to try and catch them, but only managed to fall on his ass. "Are you okay?" I set my candle on a nearby bench and then helped him up. A quick pulse of healing magic showed he was… well, the fall hadn't done any damage, but… "Your hands…" They were terribly swollen, bleeding with popped blisters.I immediately began tending to them, startled that he would do such a thing. Given his love of drawing and all…

"Oh, they went numb a while ago, so I just kept practicing," Ignatz mumbled, refusing to look at me. He did flush faintly from shame, though. "I thought… um…"

"Ignatz, why are you practicing at this hour?" Especially so… most would know to know when they couldn't feel their hands. To keep going… it felt less like 'practice' and more of 'punishment'. "It's very late."

"I had some things on my mind and… um…" He bit his lip, almost hard enough to break the skin. I simply waited for him to find his words, and healed up his hands. "I… wanted to be stronger. To do more for the others. I felt weak during the battle, and the aftermath was…" He shuddered, remembering the immediate hours after Lonato had died. "My heart was so heavy and then I could do nothing. It's been keeping me up, so I thought I'd try to fix some of that."

"Damaging your hands is not conductive to that." Honestly, I thought a great way he could help everyone was drawing. I still remembered the ones I'd gotten a peek of and I was sure they could brighten everyone's moods. However, I also remembered how he had stammered and stuttered and stared when I saw them and… well, I didn't think making that suggestion would 'fix' the problem here. "Ignatz."

"Yes, Professor?" He flinched a little. Was it from expecting a blow or because of my tone? I wasn't sure.

So, I did my best to keep my tone even and soft. "What is an archer's role in an army?"

"I… huh?" He blinked a couple of times, the candlelight flickering across his glasses. "Role?"

"Yes." Satisfied that his hands were as healed as I could make them for now, I let go of him and sat down on the bench by my candle. "What do you think it is?"

"Uh… to thin out enemies? Take out key targets? To provide cover? Um…" Ignatz flailed about a little, like he was trying to pluck the words he wanted from the air. "To… uh…"

"You're describing things that archers do, Ignatz. Not their role." I gestured for him to sit down beside me; he chose to sit on the ground at my feet instead. "Their role, Ignatz, is support."

"Support?"

"Yes." Now, how to best explain this… "An archer's duty is to support their allies. How they do this can vary on the individual. Thinning the enemy so that there are fewer who will harm your allies. Protection. Sniping the chain of command. All of this are simply methods they support the army." I smiled slightly at him, and hoped it didn't look too weird in the candlelight. "So, an archer's strength is not measured in physical might. It is measured in how well they can support their allies, and there is much more to that than simply being able to hit a target."

"There is?" Ignatz frowned slightly, and shifted suddenly to… to pull out paper, quill, and ink. He just carried that around? Everywhere? "What else is there?"

"An archer needs to constantly assess the battlefield. What is the most advantageous location? What sort of arrow is needed? Where do you aim?"

"I… think I can understand the advantageous location…" Ignatz scribbled down notes like this was a proper class. "But based on what you said before, I'm guessing 'where to aim' isn't just an accuracy thing?"

"No, not quite. You also have to determine what is best for your allies." What were good examples…? "Do you strike the leg to restrict movement? An arm to cripple their strength? Do you aim for a chink in their armor to widen it? Things of that nature."

"Things to… make it easier for your allies to fight…" Ignatz continued scribbling. "And what did you mean by arrows?"

"Do you go with a basic arrow? Do you go with poison? Do you shoot a flaming arrow? Use a metal capped arrow?" A thought occurred to me. "Given your budding talent for reason magic, you can experiment with enchanting arrows with spells. That will open up many more tactics for you." I leaned down to stroke his hair. "Your choice, of course. But things of that nature will 'strengthen' you as an archer more than tearing your hands up in the dark of night."

"Er… right…" He smiled sheepishly. "Um… thanks, Professor. I'll think more on it."

"After getting some rest. You should at least curl up with a book."

"I will. Promise!"

I walked Ignatz to his room, to make sure he actually went to bed, and then returned to the courtyard to actually clean up. I'd planned on returning to my room and take my own advice to curl up with a book, but Sothis instead insisted that I head in a certain direction. Then a different one. And then another. A meandering walk through the darkened halls of Castle Gaspard, all to follow whatever Sothis sensed. Eventually, the hunt led me to a study, with an entire wall lined with books. Normally, I'd be enthralled by the sight, but my attention was soon drawn to the lump curled up under a woven blanket at the foot of the desk. It was only when I lifted my candle and let its light fill more of the room, that I realized it was Ashe.

He blinked rapidly when the candlelight hit his face, and sat up a little to rub his eyes. A heavy book slipped from his hands to fall into his lap, the quiet 'thwump' the only sound. He stared at me for a moment before looking down at the book and huddling more under the blanket. At first, I thought that was a sign that I should let him be, but then I looked around the room again. Took note of the piles of paper stacked neatly on the desk. The open lesson books by the cold fireplace, with quills and ink still set out. This… had to be Lonato's study, but more than that, it had been a place where their family had spent a lot of time together. Children doing their lessons while their dad handled the more administrative tasks of ruling… it was all too easy to see that warm scene. But right now, Ashe was alone in the cold hollow of the memory. And I couldn't… wouldn't… leave him alone. Not unless he asked me to. So, I sat down next to him, resting my back against the desk, and set my candle down, away from anything that might catch fire. Then I simply remained silent, waiting for Ashe to choose. Waiting for him in general. It felt like the best thing to do and… well, eventually, he spoke.

"My parents died of illness when I was young," he whispered. He didn't look at me at all, just traced the illustration on the front cover of the book in his lap. "I had no other family, so I had to provide for my little brother and sister. I did my best to earn money for them legitimately at first, but it wasn't enough. There's not a lot of jobs that children can do."

"Not that both pay well and are safe," I murmured, mostly to show I was listening. "Not to mention 'legal'." Of course, that played in with 'safe'. Just a little.

"Right, so I… I went with illegal. I have always been sneaky, so I took advantage of that and became a thief. Pickpocketing at first, but when I figured out how to pick locks, I snuck into people's homes. I stole from… everyone." His tracing focused on the title, his fingers trembling over the letters. "I knew it was wrong. To steal from people on the street, from shops, from soldiers… it was wrong. It was dangerous. But seeing my brother and sister smile so brightly… I felt too happy to stop."

"It's not the first time someone has compromised their morals for the sake of family."

"Yeah, but you have to admit it was stupid. One wrong move, and… well, considering how much I'd stolen, I'd be down a hand. Maybe two." True, and there wouldn't be mercy because of his age. "But I got lucky. Shortly after I turned nine, I crept into a local noble's mansion to steal anything I could get my hands on. There was a lot of valuables, of course, but what really caught my eye was a book. A book with a fancy cover."

"...Loog and the Maiden of Wind." The very book that he held now.

"Yes." His fingers went to the portrait of Loog. "Of course, I didn't know that. I just thought the 'knight' here was so impressive. I couldn't tear my eyes away." He chuckled, but there was no mirth to the noise. "Moments after I grabbed the book, though, I was caught. By the noble."

"And that noble was Lonato."

"Yes." He coughed a bit, choking on tears he wouldn't shed. "But he didn't raise the alarm. He didn't call the guard. He just looked at me, scrawny me, and said that I could take the book, and some money."

"Is that so?"

"Yes. Startled, I blurted out that I couldn't read. I didn't have the time to learn, since I was taking care of my siblings." He smiled at the memory, but it was too sad to really take joy in seeing it. I missed his bright smiles so much… "When he heard that, he invited me to live with him. Me, and my siblings. Not only that, but afterwards, he started pushing policies to help children like us. I think he even petitioned the king for aid, which was granted."

"I see." I looked down at the book. Funny how that story could mean so many things to so many people. "So, did you have tutors? After all, I know you read a lot now."

"Eventually, but at first… at first, Lonato taught me personally." He pointed at the large armchair right by the empty fireplace. I pretended to not notice how much his hand trembled. "We'd sit right there, and he'd… he'd read to me, taught me as he read. The very first book we went through was this one. We'd curl up with some blankets and have the fire sparking and… and…" Ashe's voice cracked and the tears finally fell. "Why…? Why did this…?"

There were many ways to answer that, but none of them felt right. None of them felt like the full truth. So, instead, I simply… I gathered him up in my arms and let him cry on my shoulder. And he did. He sobbed and sobbed until he just couldn't anymore, but since he didn't move, I continued to hold him. There was nothing else I could do for him, after all, so I had to do what I could.

---

Author's Notes: Okay, now we're done with game-chapter 3. In-game, there's nothing that really suggests that the fog wasn't made by a mage in Lonato's employ, but a friend commented how Lonato's words on the fog almost implied that he didn't know about it. It ran away from there. xD

Something I probably should've mentioned before is that some of the supports have more of… well, my 'equivalent' instead of what's actually in the game. Two show up here: Caspar and Constance, and there were two previous ones as well: Ferdinand and Lorenz

Ashe reveals his history as a thief in his B support with Byleth. I'm… not sure it really comes up anywhere else, actually…? Most likely very wrong on that. However, you do see hints of it elsewhere. Felix and Sylvain being the ones to kill Lonato is honestly just based on my more recent playthrough.