Intermission - Angel

Every time someone made a comment on how emotionless my twin was, I wished I could project what I sensed from her. Even a small fraction of it would overwhelm them. Byleth felt deeply, even if her expressions were subtle to strangers. And some days, the weight of what I sensed threatened to crush my own heart. Like now. Pain, nausea, grief, guilt, anger, hatred… all of it a swirling mess that pressed into my skull with enough force to make my head throb. And it was just what I sensed, just an echo of what she herself felt.

"This month is high up there on the 'worst months ever' list," I grumbled, stalking through the halls to reach Byleth. I gripped a vial of perfume tightly in my fist, knowing she'd need it. She always did. The blood was too much for her. Always had been, and our first battle made it worse. She should have dabbed a little on immediately after the battle, but she didn't. Because there were others who needed help, others who relied on her, and my sister had always placed herself last, assuming she even put herself on the list. Always been that way, even when we were babies and too stupid to know how to hate ourselves. "Ah, damn it…" The prickling-burn sensation in my throat told me that Byleth had vomited. Too late, but hopefully I'd get to her before she vomited more.

At least, that had been my hope. But then I turned a corner and came face to face with Claude, the lordling who used smiles like daggers to ward people away. Just what I needed. He always talked too much, always pressed nerves for reactions. And I was already snappy today. This entire mission was a nightmare and a half for me, and even worse for my twin. I didn't need this right now.

"Yo, Azrael!" Claude, of course, focused entirely on me. "Glad I caught you," he explained, stepping in front of me. I had to force myself to stay still and somewhat polite. Byleth needed me, but she'd want me to indulge her students. "So, I was talking with Edelgard and Teach and-"

"Must you use ten words when one will suffice?" I asked dryly. Indulgence only went so far, particularly when I was cranky. "Just get on with it."

"You're no fun." Delightful. "Well, to make a long story short, Teach just suddenly left, and you seem to always know where she is, so I figured I'd follow you to find her!"

"No." My free hand twitched at my side, though I made myself keep still. I was twitchy and snappy, and my sister's heart was shattered and bleeding. I was always at my worst during these sorts of times, but I had to bite it back. He was one of Byleth's menagerie. For her sake, I had to keep him safe, especially from my temper. "Find someone else's tail to pull." I made to step around him.

"Whoa, hey!" Claude, however, blocked me. "Easy! Edelgard and I worry we might've upset her somehow!" ...Well, he acted genuine enough. Of course, 'acting' was all it was. Well, maybe. Strangers had never truly cared about us, never cared about anything but how many we could kill, but I could admit that the menagerie was strange. Not strange enough for me to actually believe them, but strange enough for me to somewhat consider the possibility. "I mean; she was as stoic as always, so-"

"Yes, because everyone clearly shows exactly what they feel on their face. Just like no one uses smiles as a mask to hide the poisonous mind underneath." I was too tired for this. I wanted my twin. She always reminded me that the world was better than I thought, that there was good and colorful things in this blasted gray world. I needed that, especially right now with the battle still fresh in my head. And she needed this perfume. ...But it was a little odd for her to leave abruptly. Even if she had to vomit, she would've… "What were you talking about?"

"Huh?"

"What were you talking about?" I repeated myself a little more slowly, to make sure he understood. Sharp changes in subject confused most people, especially the clever ones.

"Er…" Claude blinked slowly, before fussing with the braid by his face. No smiles, but his eyes were as calculating and measuring as always. "We bounced around a couple of topics. The battle, the Relics, reassuring Leonie about said battle…"

"Uh-huh." While the fancy weapons made Byleth (and Sothis) uneasy, I had a bad feeling about just what was said as 'reassurances'. "Go on."

"Right…" Claude frowned, no doubt trying to pick apart my reaction to file away for later. Ways he expected me to react… that was the only sort of 'trust' he seemed inclined to give. If that. "I think we shared a story about Nemesis and how he destroyed a mountain, can't change the world without sacrifice, dying for the greater good isn't a death in vain, leaves a bad taste in your mouth but the few for the many…" Wow, that had to have hit every single one of my sister's nerves when she'd already been dealing with a shattered, bleeding heart. And having a rough month in general. "Not sure what would upset a mercenary among all that."

"Of course you don't." Because Byleth was the 'Ashen Demon'. Surely, no one with a title like that would be shaken, particularly when she appeared emotionless. "Well, this has been a delightful conversation. Why not help Byleth by tending to the fawns? You are their leader, after all."

"Uh… sure…?" Claude blinked a couple of times, and I used the distraction to get around him and resume my search. "Hey!" Of course, Claude tried to grab and stop me. I only just managed to keep from automatically blasting him with wind. Bad instinctual reaction, brought on by it being 'too soon' after a fight. That trick saved my life more times than I could count out in the field. "Wait, you didn't tell me what upset her!"

"Did I tell you that I would?" Didn't recall that. I just wanted to know why she left abruptly. But I had my answer, and Byleth's mental state was getting worse. I had to find her.

I left Claude behind, focused on my task. If Claude said something, I didn't bother hearing it. Just focused on where I could sense Byleth and attempting to navigate the halls to reach her. Even when I caught the faint note of exasperation and concern flitting through the deluge of Byleth's emotions, because all that meant was that Sothis was helping Byleth. Not that I wasn't grateful, far from it. No clue how a gremlin ended up in my sister's heart, probably just nestled amidst the shards and cracks at some point, but damn if I wasn't glad for her. She was a balm and pillar for both of us in this madness.

Still, I'd feel better when I found her. The world was just better when we were together.

"Azrael, I've a question for you." Ever since Edelgard learned I had the Major Crest of Seiros, she'd taken to ambushing me with random questions. All testing me, of course. For what? Hell if I knew. It couldn't be her thinking I was a threat to her inheritance. For one thing, she had enough to worry about with that given who truly ruled the Empire. For another, I had made it perfectly clear that I had no such inclination. But the questions continued, the test ongoing, and for the love of creation, I wished I'd fail soon. Still, I apparently hadn't yet, so…

"What is it this time?" I asked tiredly, looking down from my perch in the tree. I hadn't slept well; one of the few times nightmares clawed my dreams. Not helped, of course, by how exhausted Byleth herself was. I could only hope my own tiredness didn't feed hers. The echo between us would drive us both mad, as we knew from experience. "Because I take it it's not about the book I'm attempting to read."

"Really wouldn't have expected you to be the bookish type," she commented, tilting her head all the way back to look at me. Now, the polite thing to do would be to jump down so that she didn't hurt her neck. Thankfully, I wasn't a polite person unless Byleth or Dad asked me. This was a nice tree. Easy to see why it was so carefully tended to in the courtyard here. "So, no, it's not."

"Shame." It was one I'd borrowed from the Abyss's library, a fascinating tale of a 'false god' and so forth. Probably a description of the people who lived in Fodlan before the worshipers of the Goddess arrived. And invaded, from this description, but it was biased. Everything was. "Well, what's the question, then? Perhaps I have an answer." I'd better. I knew from experience that she'd bother me until I did and I doubted recovering from the battle would change that.

"What do you think of all of this?" Her gaze was sharp and measuring. Yep, another of her tests. Damn it all. I just wanted to read. "The battle and the aftermath?"

"Usual." What sort of answer was she expected? I'd been a mercenary. This sort of shit was always going on. "Just another glorious battle that ended in glorious deaths and all for the glorious cause of changing the world or some nonsense."

"Nonsense?" She frowned heavily. Maybe even glared. "They fought for a cause they thought was just."

"Just because something is as common as dirt doesn't mean I can't think it's nonsense." There wasn't anything special about wanting to 'save the world'. "Anyway, there's your answer, so if you don't mind, I'll get back to my reading now."

"So, you think it foolish?" Damn it, take a hint! "Their deaths, a waste?"

"I didn't say any of that. I just said it was the usual." If I didn't know for a fact that ignoring her would be far more troublesome… "The 'nonsense' was towards the cause. Not the deaths and fighting."

"Do you think there's something wrong with change?" No, just that it wasn't all that special. People fought for it all the time, and died for it. Different words, same melody. Over and over again. "Sometimes, you must sacrifice the few for the many."

"Whatever you need to tell yourself to make it through life." There was a very long silence. Too long for Edelgard. And a quick check down confirmed she was still there. "I didn't knock a branch on your head or something, did I?" I didn't think so, of course, but it was the first thing I thought of for why she'd suddenly be quiet.

"No. Why? Were you planning on it?" She sounded quieter than before. "Your answer… it implied you thought it an excuse."

"I think it's a pretty little lie that people tell themselves so that they can keep moving forward, yes." Why did that bother her? Of all the things I'd said? "Nothing wrong with it, of course."

"Why?"

"Why is there nothing wrong with it?" Could've sworn I'd said it before, but the only time the world was truthful was during the heat of battle. When flitting about the line between life and death, no one had time to think of lies. Only what they were willing to do to survive. Any other time, though? Lies, masks, and it was just how the world was.

"Why do you think it's an excuse?"

"Something tells me I won't get away with a 'because'." I sighed and set my book on my chest before looking up at the leaves. Lovely green. Kinda curious if I could replicate it with paint. Been a while since I'd done that. "Say you had a group of one hundred people making a journey. And, for whatever reason, some had to die for the others to advance. Few for the many, they take it and trudge forward. But then it happens again, another sacrifice needed. Few for the many, they take it. And the journey demands more sacrifices. Few for the many, few for the many… and then at the end of the journey, there's only one left alive. 'Few for the many'... led to ninety-nine people dying for one." I looked down at Edelgard again, mostly to see if I'd lost her. I was winging it here. "Assuming the survivor has a child, and there's a single line of descent, that's ninety-nine generations before it evens out. If each has two, it's more like five or six."

"You can't break down people into numbers!"

"Isn't that exactly what 'few for the many' does?"

"I…" Huh. Somehow, stunned her with that one. "...But what about the better world that is made?"

"Who is it better for? It wasn't better for ninety-nine people. And, since we're dealing with people, we need to also mention the trauma and pain on the survivor. Would knowing that ninety-nine people died for them make their world better? I've seen people who only had one die for them and be utterly broken." I sighed and looked back up at the leaves and sky. The clouds were especially fluffy today. "The point I was trying to make was that those that claim 'few for the many' never stop with the excuse. And, eventually, they convince themselves into thinking the sacrifices are wasted if they do." Then you had more battles, more bodies. For 'few' sacrificed for the 'many', even though the numbers had long since proved the fallacy of the claim. "Lot of guilt on a person. More than enough to drive someone mad. So, a little lie to hold onto sanity. A little lie to keep going. Nothing wrong with it." People were people. It was just another part of them. Neither right nor wrong. Just was another shade of gray in the gray world.

"I see." Silence, but she hadn't left. I could sense it on the wind. "Last question." Oh, goodie. What was it going to be this ti-? "What is your opinion on fate?"

"What." I had to look down to confirm I heard correctly. Her no-nonsense, unwavering stare up hinted 'yes'. "Why in creation are you asking that?"

"The professor mentioned she thought it an excuse." Yeah, Byleth did view it like that. Just another little lie to help people survive. "I was… curious what you thought, given what you just said."

"You all can call her by name, you know." They did know it, right? "Suggestion."

"...You suggest I call my teacher by name?"

"You call Hanneman and Manuela by their names, right?" So tempted to roll with the misconception, but… "But no, it's the answer to your question. I believe fate is nothing more than a suggestion. One of many, at that."

"One… of many?" She frowned up at me, face scrunched up in confusion. "You think there are many fates?"

"I think people are more defined by their choices than some fantastical divinity that's got nothing better to do than dole out fates like cards at a tavern." Not that I had much experience with that, mind. Just watched a couple of games from the stairs when bored. "But if we're going with the card metaphor, you're dealt a hand. How you play your cards is your choice. There's suggestions for the best way to do so, but you can go against it if you want." I shrugged and returned to my book at last. Where was I again? "So, a suggestion. One of many. You choose whether to follow it or not."

"So, the same yet different from the professor."

"More or less, yes." I sighed. "Seriously, use her name. We like our names. They're gifts from our mom."

"I'll… I'll consider it." Probably the best I was going to get. "Ah, but one more question."

"Wasn't the previous one supposed to be the last?" I groaned, but looked down at her again. Better to get it over with. "What is it?"

"Why are you hiding in a tree in the courtyard?" Was it weird or something? Her little frown hinted it was.

"Wind's clear here, so I can keep an ear out for the menagerie. And quite a few of you escape to here to try and clear your heads." I returned to my book, or tried to. I frowned when the breeze brought a whisper, but relaxed when I realized it wasn't anything to worry about for now. Just a servant carrying Ashe back to his room. "Some need company to manage through stress. Others need to be alone. Easier to determine who needs what and when while here."

"...Oh." Long silence. I glanced down to see her blinking up at me in confusion. "You're much kinder than you pretend."

"Hardly." I had to choke back a laugh at that. 'Kind' didn't describe me at all. I was as whimsical and capricious as the wind. "But you're my sister's students. So, I keep an eye." They were 'hers', and I protected what was 'hers'. Simple. "Or 'ear', as I mentioned before." I made a shooing motion at her. "Now, if you're done imitating a kitten, you should head to the kitchens for food. Dedue and Bernadetta are cooking today."

Was half-certain she protested the comparison and dismissal. But she'd decided it wasn't worth it, because I clearly wasn't paying attention, and she left. Leaving me finally to my reading, and listening to the wind. Most of the menagerie were either pulling shifts in the infirmary or doing some sort of chore to help the staff out. Things that helped earn the goodwill of the people who let us stay, despite us slaughtering their loved ones. Also kept them busy, too busy to brood. Had to use the wind to nudge a couple to stop working and rest, but hey, it all worked out. And hey, I got to keep reading, so it was even better.

Around the time I'd finished, I got the strangest rush of emotions from Byleth. Bitterness, followed by surprise and a sense of contentment I'd never quite sensed from her before. The closest would be when we were with Dad in Remire. It was strange, in a good way, and I thought to 'nudge' her to inquire about it. However, the feeling was quickly replaced by complete and utter bafflement, so I just decided to let it go for now. Mostly. There was one thing I got from it all; it was because of Dimitri.

So, since I was done reading anyway, I jumped down from the tree and went looking. It wasn't hard. I just had to head in the general direction of where Byleth was and, from there, let Sylvain and Dimitri's voices lead me. Because the two were arguing about something. No clue what, except it was something Dimitri didn't want Sylvain to tell the other cubs. Though, when I came into sight, both of them shut up quickly. As if their yells hadn't been enough to wake the dead anyway.

"Is everything all right?" I asked, deciding to check in. If there were problems, better to nip it in the bud and not have Byleth worry about it. "There was yelling."

"Yeah, everything's fine!" Sylvain quickly reassured. Strangely, he shifted to stand protectively in front of Dimitri, all the more noticeable because of the basket he carried. "What brings you out and about?"

"I wanted to talk to Dimitri." Which, for some reason, put Sylvain a little more on edge. Did I come off as dangerous right now or something? I didn't think I was being particularly threatening. "If that's all right?"

"Certainly," Dimitri answered, still frowning and scowling at Sylvain. But his expression smoothed out for a placid smile when he turned to me. "Is something amiss?"

"No, I just wanted to thank you," I explained. Which… made both of them stare. Suppose they weren't used to me thanking anyone. "I know not what you were discussing with my twin, but whatever it was, it made her very content." Sylvain smirked slyly for some reason. "It's the most settled she's been during this hell of a month."

Having said my piece, I left. No need to try and explain further. Particularly since I knew from Byleth that Dimitri was aware of the link between her and me. Instead, now that Byleth's emotions and thoughts weren't so chaotic, I'd act on a little idea she had tucked away in the corners of her mind. Which meant finding Yuri. He was particularly good at information gathering, after all.

Byleth was asleep. Finally. Her usual nightmares had managed to become even worse over the past few days and she couldn't rest at all. But now, between her own exhaustion and Sothis's song, she was finally asleep. I could only hope it would ease her nerves, what with how hectic everything had been. But in order for that to have a chance, she needed uninterrupted sleep. Meaning I had to distract the menagerie (save for Yuri, who was investigating). Which I managed for most of them thanks to the casual suggestion of them grouping together for stories and gossip. Worked way better than I'd expected, truthfully. I'd need to let Byleth know how much they liked that.

"Looks like they're settled in nicely," I whispered, leaning against the doorframe to watch. I didn't care what they were talking about, but their smiles were nice to see. If it lifted the burden on their shoulders, all the better. "Of course, the absent ones are terribly obvious." Mostly because there were three. Ashe, obviously, and Yuri for reasons I suspected. Hubert's absence, though… "Now, where can our shadowy kitty be?" I listened on the wind for the whisper of his steps and… "You must be kidding." Sighing, I pushed off the frame and followed the wind to where I thought Hubert was. And I discovered two things: one, Byleth had woken up at some point and was heading outside with Yuri and two, Hubert was poorly attempting to follow. "Hubert."

"...Strange how quiet your steps are," Hubert commented, turning to face me. He had been badly hiding in the shadows of a statue, to watch Byleth and Yuri leave through a nearby window, but stepped out to speak properly. 'Badly' because he hadn't really figured out that wearing all black didn't help if it was all the same shade of black. Better different shades to mask the silhouette. At least, in my experience. Got a couple of scars before I picked up that trick. "One would think you're a ghost."

"Oh, it's the wings. Bloodstained as they might be, they do let me glide some." I shrugged at his scowl. Not sure what sort of answer he'd expected. "Regardless, I'm not sure why you think the best way of practicing your sneaking is to poorly stalk my sister. She's too nice to call you out, unless there's lives on the line." This wasn't the first time he'd done this. Mayhaps I should get Dad involved. "What do you hope to learn anyway?"

"It is my responsibility to evaluate any and all potential threats to my lady." He said the words with 'great dignity', or what he thought was great dignity at least. I wasn't very impressed, but then again, few things impressed me. "Regardless of my lady's fondness."

"Ah, yes, fondness. The same way some folk get so attached to a blade." Strangers never liked us. Strangers never wanted us around. Not unless they could use us. That was just how it was. Paid for use, discarded when the problem was dealt with. And then the former employer would place a bounty, so that we couldn't be used against them. Just the way of the world, the life of a mercenary. Particularly when you were stupidly good at butchering people. "You won't find out anything. If we're hiding anything, it's completely unintentional."

"Like your crests."

"Well, yeah." I had to fight back a groan as a thought occurred to me. "Please don't tell me you think either of us are a threat to Edelgard's throne. You're supposed to be smart."

"Your very presence is a threat, thanks to the Crest." He looked to the window again and scowled fiercely. "Damn, out of sight…" But of course. Why else would I bother confronting him otherwise? "Lady Edelgard?" Now why was he…? Ah, she was behind us. Yay, distractions.

"Oh, Hubert, there you are," Edelgard murmured, joining us. She looked between us curiously before focusing on Hubert. "We're having an impromptu study lesson. You should join us." He bowed and, without another word, headed down the hall back to where the rest of the menagerie was. Surprised he didn't wait for his mistress, but maybe he'd assumed she would've left with him, her 'order' given. To be fair, that's what I assumed too. But no, she stayed where she was to look up at me. "Not the sort of conversation partner I would've expected. What were you two talking about?"

"His penchant for badly spying on my twin," I answered, seeing no reason to hide or soften the words. Surprisingly, she made a face, like she wasn't fond of the habit either. "Your kitty-cat's loyalty is commendable, but curiosity killed the cat."

"If you have to go with animal metaphors, can you not at least stick with eagles or something?" She sighed, shaking her head. "Are you threatening to kill him?"

"Me? No, never. He's one of Byleth's menagerie." I shrugged and stretched my arms over my head. My shoulders hurt for some reason. My own, or an echo from Byleth? I'd find out later, if it was important. "However, I make no promises for anyone else. I mean; Rhea is pretty blatant with her favoritism." Because of whatever weird bond between her and dad, and us being hostages. "Oh, right, she's supposed to teach Byleth and me brawling when we get back."

"I'm sorry, what?" Edelgard's eyes went wide and I had to laugh at just how dumbfounded she looked. Hell, I think the shock almost made her stagger! "Brawling? The Archbishop?"

"Apparently, she's good at it. Dad said she was easily better than him." I grinned, barely biting back the rest of my laughter. "And I'm not so insane that I won't ignore a chance to punch her and get away with it." Well, punch 'at' her, rather. If she was as good as Dad said, then I doubted I'd land a good hit for a while. If at all. "Who else gets to say they can do that?"

"Few." Once the shock passed, she had to muffle her own laughter. "Sometimes, no matter what you say, I swear you ramble on purpose to distract."

"That is far too much effort." I tilted my head and bent down a little to look her in the face. "You know…"

"Hmm?"

"You have a very pretty smile."

"I… huh?" And for some reason, she started blushing. "Is this where you say something stupid like 'you should smile more'?"

"Why? That's your choice. Same with you hiding it, and always quieting your laugh. I'm sure you've got your reasons and they're certainly none of my business." Supposed it was weird to tell a stranger that their smile was nice. But I supposed the menagerie were slowly trickling into another 'division' of the world. 'Strangers', 'Byleth', 'Dad', 'Remire'... and yeah, the menagerie were their own too. "What brought you out here? Hubert?"

"You…" Okay, now she was scowling. While blushing. What social norm did I break this time? "I was actually looking for you. Finding Hubert was a bonus."

"Please tell me it's not for more questions."

"No, you're spared for today." Oh, yippee. "But we noticed you watching us in the doorway. Rather expected you to join us." They what now? "When you instead left, I volunteered to chase after you." And why would they…? Even if they had their own 'division', that was still weird.

"Nice of you to offer, but I was just making sure no one stabbed each other." I had no intention of joining. I only helped because they were Byleth's. "No one did, right?"

"No sharp object in unconventional sheathes yet. At least, there weren't when I left." She crossed her arms and looked up at me. "Are you certain you won't join?"

"Very." Still, I headed down the hall, back towards the room. "I will walk with you to there, though. Just to make sure there's been no unconventional sheathing, to borrow your phrase."

"Very well then."

We walked in silence, and Edelgard jumped back into the group with the same excited hesitation of a child plunging into a lake for the first time. Dorothea and Hilda immediately pounced on her to start brushing and braiding her hair, and I half-thought about focusing on what the rest were doing. But it wasn't anything special, really. Some were sprawled out; others sat properly despite being on the floor. Some leaned on each other; others did their level best to keep their distance. Papers strewn about amidst them, with various scribbles and drawings. Not an unusual thing for the menagerie, and it wasn't like I remembered all of their names yet. So, after confirming no one was bleeding or dying, I left them to it and tentatively 'reached' for Byleth to find out where she was.

Surprisingly, she was back in her room, but not asleep. When I entered, she was seated on the floor, freshly scrubbed, and scribbling various notes on spare paper while frowning at some weird objects she had set next to her. Thought about asking about them, or at least about what Yuri had obviously relayed to her. But then I decided to just plop down on the floor behind her and use her back as a pillow to rest. Despite her concentration, warm reassurance floated from her to me, as comforting as a hug. I closed my eyes and let myself relax, let the world drift away. I wouldn't be able to help Byleth with figuring things out, she was the smart one, but I'd be ready when she did. Because whatever this was… it was important to her. And that was more than enough for me.

The world was a gray, predictable place. I never saw anything important to it. I held onto my life because it was a gift from Mom, and no other reason. But Byleth saw the beauty and wonder in it, so I let her decide what was good and what was bad. What was important and what wasn't. Save for her own health, of course. That would always be most important to me.

Author's notes: Bit all over the place, but hey, that's how Azrael thinks. I thought originally about doing an Azrael POV after the end of the first game-chapter, but it didn't really 'fit'. Now, though… well, thought it might be a little useful. (Plus, I wanted to write those conversations between Azrael and Edelgard.) Good contrast to Byleth's mental spiral due to recent game events.