Chapter 17: You Don't Always Have To Be Strong.
She had me in tears. No one ever paid that much attention to me.
Maura POV:
I hear a bang behind me and I look immediately at Jane. She slammed her good wrist on the counter while trying to open a bag. I rush to her side and say to her, "Hey hey you just shattered your wrist. I know they surgically repaired it but that does not mean you are back to 100%. Please be gentle with yourself."
She looked at me with tears in her eyes. "Maura, I can't be broken. I'm not allowed to be broken. I need to be strong but I can't be right now."
I take her face in my hands and I make sure she is looking at you. "I know you think you need to be strong but you don't have to be strong with me. I know how strong you are, you don't need to do that with me. I'm not going to judge you for needing help. Please let me help you. I can't help if you won't let me. Are you physically okay? You never lose your cool like that."
Tears started falling down her face, "No Maur, I got really angry for no reason. I don't know why when I couldn't open the bag I just got angry. Am I gonna be okay?" I take her into my arms and run my fingers through her hair.
"Shh it's okay. You had a traumatic week love. You are going to be just fine. Why don't you go sit down while I finish dinner. Talk to the detectives I'm sure they will take your mind off of things. I will be just fine cooking. And then we can sit down to eat. After dinner I will clean up and then we can lay in bed. I just want to hold you okay."
"Okay. I love you so much princess." She kisses me soundly.
"I love you my badass detective." I turn her towards the couch and give her a loving push towards it.
As I continue dinner I find myself wondering so many things. Ian caused so many problems and what if this isn't over?
Voices being raised in the living room brought me from my racing thoughts. "COME ON!"
This brings a smile to my face because I know that the last few days have taken a toll on everyone. I know how they all care for one another. And how they care for me. Before my return to Boston, I would have never thought that my house in a disarray from a Rizzoli Family Sunday would not bother me. They are my family even more so than my family because they have shown me what true love is in many different ways.
"Hey everyone, dinner will be ready in 10 minutes so if you would like to pause that and wash up that would be great." I announce and Jane is the first person out of her seat. On her way to the sink she stops and gives me a quick kiss,
"Get a room." Frankie says smiling at us.
"You're just jealous she wanted this Rizzoli." She sticks her tongue out and smiles.
"I am." He huffs jokingly.
I chuckle at the interaction that just happened between the eldest Rizzoli children.
"Thank you so much for dinner again Maura." Frost says and wraps me in a hug.
As we all sit down to eat and I look around the table at the people who mean the most to me in this life. I watch as they all talk about going back to work and I notice Jane's facial expressions change and her jaw set. She gets up from the table and drops her fork, she runs up the stairs and heads into our bedroom. I quickly follow her. I open the door with a slight knock, and enter the room. I see her laying on the bed. "Can I sit here on the bed with you Jane?"
"Yea Maura it's your house." She said dismissively.
"No Jane, it is our house. I just don't want you to be startled when I sit. Or if you wanted space then I was going to give it to you."
"Can you hold me?" She looks up sadly,
I instantly lay on the bed and took her into my arms. She lays her head on my shoulder and I rub circles on her back. I can't help but enjoy this feeling because she is opening up to me.
"You are going to be okay love. I'm right here. You don't always have to be the strong one."
"I know. Thank you." I run my fingers through her hair.
I hear a small knock at the door. I look up and see Frankie standing there. "Hey we have to go but we cleaned up from dinner. We need to head out but I want you to rest so we will text you or Jane in awhile."
"Okay thank you Frankie. For everything." He closes the door as he leaves.
I look down at the sleeping angel laying in my arms. I could tell there was something up with Frankie because he had his gun on and badge on his belt. I think he didn't want to say anything about what he had to do. I don't want to wake her because she really hasn't been sleeping all that great.
I hear the front door close. I look down at Jane, she looks so peaceful. I wish I was never the cause of her pain, and I am having a difficult time understanding how she doesn't equate her pain with me because of Ian.
I lay my head back down and try to fall asleep as well. Within a while I began dreaming:
"Jane, he wanted to lick my face."
"I'm so surprised."
"He didn't take you to see the Boston Pops...and then for a four-course prix fixe
at L'Espalier?"
"No, no. He likes plain spaghetti."
"I wanted to sleep with him. If only he didn't talk."
"Or have a face-licking fetish."
"Ugh. He keeps texting and leaving messages."
Jane kept trying to get rid of him, even went so far to bring him to my office while I was doing an Autopsy. Nothing was repelling him, then when we went to go get the car. He asked me if I still wanted to work under the hood with him. I didn't know what else to do.
"I think that- I think that we should- We should just tell him, don't you...babe?"
"Yes. Yes, I do, babe."
"Tell him."
"Tell me what?"
"I really, truly enjoyed your company...but Jane and l, we're, um… Um...Best friends. Like more than BFF's."
"Mm-hm."
"We're...LLBFF's."
"Exactly. We're El-Biffs."
"Yes. We are life-long...best friends forever."
"Get it?"
"Oh."
"Oh. Are you batting for the other team?"
"Ah."
"We are."
"Shoot."
It felt so nice to be held in her arms that when we got into the car to leave I intertwined our hands and to Jane it was probably just to get Giovanni off our backs but it was really because I wanted to know how it felt to hold her hand.
The sound of the piano fills my ears. It brought a smile to my face because it had been so long since my piano had been used by her. I bought it for her before Hoyt and she would play it often but after she came home from the hospital there was no more music filling my house.
I get out of bed and grab my silk robe, following the sounds of the piano coming from the room down the hall. As I crossed the doorway I heard her begin to sing a song that she would always sing for me whenever I was feeling down. It brought a tear to my eye.
I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river, and it made me complete
Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old, and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired, and I need somewhere to begin
I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?
Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old, and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired, and I need somewhere to begin
And if you have a minute, why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?
Somewhere only we know
Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old, and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired, and I need somewhere to begin
And if you have a minute, why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go?
So why don't we go?
Ahh
Ohh
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?
Somewhere only we know
Somewhere only we know
She looks up at me and smiles. "I thought of you and I wanted to sing something I knew you would appreciate. Now that you know I love you I have a new song for us. But you have to sing it with me. Okay, deal?"
I nod not trusting my voice in this minute. She begins to play again, and I recognize it almost immediately.
Look into my eyes – you will see
What you mean to me
Search your heart, search your soul
And when you find me there, you'll search no more
Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for
You know it's true:
Everything I do, I do it for you
Look into your heart – you will find
There's nothin' there to hide
Take me as I am, take my life
I would give it all, I would sacrifice
Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for
I can't help it, there's nothin' I want more
You know it's true:
Everything I do, I do it for you, oh, yeah
There's no love like your love
And no other could give more love
There's nowhere unless you're there
All the time, all the way, yeah
Look into your heart, baby...
Oh, you can't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
I can't help it, there's nothin' I want more
Yeah, I would fight for you, I'd lie for you
Walk the wire for you, yeah, I'd die for you
You know it's true:
Everything I do, oh, I do it for you
Everything I do, darling
You will see it's true
You will see it's true
Yeah!
Search your heart and your soul
You can't tell it's not worth dying for
I'll be there
I'd walk the fire for you
I'd die for you
Oh, yeah
I'm going all the time, all the way.
By the end of the song, I am crying because with every word she was singing to me I felt so deeply. I have never had a love like this before.
And then I woke up, seeing that Jane was no longer in bed. I got up and went to go looking for her.
AN: I wanted to let you know the reason behind the change of genre. It is still romance but instead of angst I changed it to hurt/comfort nothing TOOOO drastic will happen but I will pulling on your heart strings soon. Of course our favorite Medical Examiner can handle anything with Jane by her side. But can our favorite Badass Detective Rizzoli figure that out without pushing away her one true love?