Disclaimer: I do not own Miraculous Ladybug or it's characters.
Chapter 21,
If Marinette was going to go to Adrien's as Ladybug, she was going to do it after dinner. She knew he simply did piano after dinner, but that was really it. However, Marinette wasn't sure if she had the nerves to face Adrien, even as Ladybug. She was pacing back and forth in her room, constantly turning towards the clock.
"Are you ok, Marinette?" Tiki asked and Marinette sighed.
"I'm a little nervous, Tikki. I don't think I've said 5 words to Adrien since I got Akumatized, and now I'm suppose to have a conversation with him?" Marinette said and Tikki blinked.
"I know Cat Noir said maybe you could go over tonight, but I'm sure he'll understand if you wait until tomorrow or the next day." Tikki said and Marinette sighed.
"I know, he thinks I'm sick, or I was sick, or whatever. But I can't be sick forever, Tikki. Not to mention the fact that the longer I wait, the harder it will be to go over there." Marinette said and Tikki but her lip.
"So you're going over there tonight?" Tikki asked and Marinette slowed her pacing.
"I guess I am... If I can only find the strength." Marinette said and Tikki paused to thinks
"Do you remember the feeling you had when I first came into your life?" Tikki asked.
"Are you kidding; I was terrified of you, Tikki. I didn't know what to think of you." Marinette said and Tikki smiled.
"Marinette, you didn't want to be Ladybug. You didn't want to go up against villains and be responsible for keeping the peace. But you managed to overcome your fear because others needed you to be strong for them." Tikki said and Marinette paused.
"Well, I couldn't stand by and do nothing." Marinette said and Tikki nodded.
"Precisely, Marinette. That was incredibly strong of you. Choosing a life you didn't want to help others? Most people can't do that." Tikki said and Marinette rubbed the back of her neck.
"I guess." Marinette said, though she still felt unsure. She went over to her computer and pulled up pictures of Cat Noir off of the Ladyblog. There was a picture of Cat Noir running with a young child. Marinette smiled at how boldly confident his smile was. She stared at this digital image and her heart fluttered when she remembered how warm he was as they looked at the stars.
"Cat Noir thinks Ladybug talking to Adrien will help Marinette heal... and... perhaps he's right." Marinette said and Tikki looked at Cat Noir's picture too.
"Even a broken clock is right twice a day." Tikki said and Marinette giggled.
"I might tease Cat Noir, but I get the feeling that he's a lot smarter then he lets on." Marinette said and Tikki smiled.
"Are you ready to go talk to Adrien now?" Tikki asked and Marinette hesitated.
"I don't know... But I'm about to find out. Spots on, Tikki." Marinette said as she stood up.
-
"Well, Romeo, any chance you're gonna have your head examined before bluebell comes over?" Plagg asked Adrien. The second Adrien returned home, Plagg wanted to say 'what is wrong with you?' but with Adrien's schedule, he didn't have the opportunity before Adrien got whisked away.
"Come on, Plagg; don't you think I'm nervous enough?" Adrien asked and Plagg dangled upside down in the air.
"I have no idea what's going on in that mind of yours. I mean why would you ask Ladybug here to begin with?" Plagg asked and Adrien hesitated to answer. He walked over to his piano and started playing.
"I don't know, Plagg. I'm not 100% sure why I did it. It... just felt like something that needed to be said. Who knows, maybe this is best for everyone." Adrien said and Plagg sighed.
"Are you still beating yourself up over what happened? I get it, you made a mistake and you owned up to it. The only thing you can do, is to be a patient and be there for Marinette. So let it go already." Plagg said and Adrien slammed his fingers down on the ivory keys. The sound lingers in the air like a thick fog and Adrien swallowed a sob.
"I broke Marinette's hand." Adrien somehow managed to say and Plagg couldn't deny Adrien's growing sadness.
"Even if Marinette somehow manages to forgive me, how am I ever suppose to forgive myself for doing something so horrible. Especially to someone as sweet as Marinette." Adrien whispered, almost noiselessly. If Plagg wasn't a Cat, he may not have heard a sound. Adrien wanted to cry his eyes out, but he didn't want Ladybug to catch him crying. He looked over at the clock and he remembered that Nino's party was tomorrow. Perhaps Marinette wasn't coming because she needed to work on Nino's gift. Or perhaps it was too soon to have her talk to him.
"Oooooo." Adrien whined before putting his forehead down on the piano. He then put his elbows on the piano and placed his hands on the back of his head.
"I don't think she's coming Plagg." Adrien said. Even as Ladybug, Marinette can't bring herself to talk to him. Adrien's breath quickened at the thought and he finally allowed himself to cry; and boy did he cry. He cried at hurting Marinette, for making her vulnerable to Haw Moth, for making her cry, for making her lose trust in him.
"Ad-" Plagg whispered before stopping for some reason. Adrien felt a gentle pressure on his back, it was a hand. It lovingly ran up and down his back in attempts to comfort him.
Adrien cried for himself too. For losing his temper, at feeling so helpless, for being so clueless, for the frustrating love story he found himself in the middle of, for feeling so desperately alone that he wonders if life would have been better for everyone if he had never been born.
But that's when Adrien realized, in this moment he wasn't alone. The hand of his back was joined by a head on his shoulder. This couldn't have been his father, the hand was too small to be his bodyguard, and much to gentle to be Nathalie's... then who...?
Adrien stiffened when he realized exactly who this was. He turned his head, and peered through his fingers to see dark hair and a red costume.
"Ladybug...?" Adrien breathes out, as he sat up. She looked at him and hesitated.
"I hope you don't mind my stopping by." Ladybug said, reaching over and gently wiping some tears off of his face. Adrien smiled a sad smile and held Ladybug's hand, so that it wouldn't leave his face. He still couldn't believe that she came.
"What are you doing here?" Adrien asked and Ladybug turned her head away before turning back.
"Why are you crying?" She asked and Adrien released Ladybug's hand and looked down.
"A few reasons... but mostly how my impulsive actions hurt someone I care about." Adrien admitted and Marinette's eyes widened.
"Ironically, that's why I'm here. Cat Noir asked me to talk to you, and ask you what happened between you and your friend, Marinette." Ladybug said and Adrien sighed.
"I feel so stupid." Adrien said.
"What...? Tell me what happened, and please start from the beginning." Ladybug asked and Adrien shifted.
"I don't want to go too much into detail, but I, um... I was talking to a friend about this girl I'm in love with." Adrien said bashfully.
"Really?" Ladybug said surprised.
"I know, it's almost stupid. I know I feel like a prized idiot for this whole thing. I wanted my friend to help me woo her... and we started fighting." Adrien said and Ladybug bit her lip.
"Does he love her too?" Ladybug asked and Adrien shook his head.
"No, nothing like that. He just feels like I allow feelings for her to overshadow everything. I guess he's right. I got mad at my friend for refusing to help me and... as it turns out, he knew things about her that she refused to tell me. I couldn't help but feel lied to and betrayed." Adrien said and Ladybug blinked.
"I suppose I can understand that, even if I'm not getting all of the details." Ladybug commented and Adrien blinked this time.
"You do?" Adrien asked and Ladybug nodded.
"Yes, please continue." Ladybug said.
"Well, I got so mad at my friend that I just couldn't calm down. Actually, it felt like our fight was the straw to break this camel's back. All of a sudden I felt years of repressed rage, disappointment, sadness all at once and I punched my locker. I need to go in some time after school and fix it, if I could find someone to help me." Adrien paused to look up at Ladybug's face.
"That's when Chloe came into the room and told me I was gonna have to do this insane fashion show with just the two of us. It felt like she didn't care about my feelings or my opinion l, so I felt used." Adrien said and Ladybug bit her lip.
"And then Marinette walked up to you?" Ladybug asked and Adrien closed his eyes.
"I felt like I was being attacked... 'she'll never like you', 'she'll never love you', 'the best part is the that there is only two models; you and me'. So when I felt somebody touch my shoulder, I guess I kinda retaliated and I knocked her down. I pulled her to her feet and said some rotten things to her." Adrien opened his eyes, but he didn't possess the strength to see the expression her face. He turned his back to her and sighed.
"She was wearing these gray gloves at school today. Looking back, I kinda remember holding her hand when I said that stuff. I must have squeezed her hand pretty roughly if she needs to wear gloves. I told her that I was sorry, and she wants to give our friendship a chance; but it doesn't feel like it's enough. She looks sad when she looks at me... I just... want her to be happy again." Adrien meant every word of this and his honesty took her by surprise. Ladybug looked down at her sensitive hand and then at the sensitive boy.
"Adrien... may I share something private with you?" Ladybug asked and Adrien blinked.
"I'll keep it a secret, if that's what you mean. Are you sure?" Adrien asked, turning to look at her. Ladybug looked to the side and sighed.
"No." Ladybug said and Adrien bit his lip.
"Then are you sure that you want to take the chance?" Adrien asked sadly and Ladybug recalled something.
"Anything is a chance nowadays. But as a superhero, we need to protect people and make sure that they feel safe." Ladybug people and Adrien was shocked to hear her quote Cat Noir.
"Fair point." Adrien said. They both sat on the piano bench, beside one another, with their backs towards the piano.
"Let's see, where do I start?" Ladybug muttered aloud, which was kinda adorable.
"Sometimes I wish I were as brave as Cat Noir." Ladybug admitted and Adrien blinked.
"You do?" Adrien asked and Ladybug giggled softly.
"He's so cocky, I may never tell him; but yes. He's had this incredible strength since day one." Ladybug said and Adrien blushed a moment.
"Well, I always liked you as Ladybug." Adrien said and Ladybug rubbed the back of her neck.
"I... never wanted to be Ladybug. I actually tried to pass the responsibility to someone I thought was more qualified." Ladybug said and Adrien stared at her, shocked.
"I had no idea." Adrien said and Ladybug nodded.
"Cat Noir is the one who gave me the strength to believe in myself. And through the most difficult times, it's still Cat Noir's faith in me, that keeps me going." Ladybug admitted and Adrien rubbed the back of his neck.
"I think that's very sweet." Adrien said.
"But as much as I respect, trust, and love Cat Noir as a partner, well, there have been several times when I feel like I let Cat Noir down." Ladybug said and Adrien blinked.
"What are you talking about?" Adrien asked.
"Sometimes, when we are fighting, Cat Noir will fall victim to one of the villains powers. Like the Puppeteer, or the Malediktator, Dark Cupid, Despair Bear... I can't help but feel like there was something I could do to prevent it." Ladybug said and Adrien's shoulders dropped.
"Honestly, I think Timebreaker hurt me the most though. When I think about what she did to Cat Noir, I could just break down and cry." Ladybug said sadly and Adrien thought back.
"She has the ability to turn back time by touching others and making them disappear. But she never touched Cat Noir." Adrien said and Ladybug sighed.
"Yes, she did. Remember, two Timebreakers, Two Ladybugs, and one Cat Noir. The original Timebreaker tried to come after me, and..." Ladybug paused to look away.
"Cat Noir sacrificed himself for me, and I held him until he... faded away completely." Ladybug said and Adrien hesitated.
"I'm sure he knew that you would fix everything." He said and Ladybug turned to him.
"You're probably right. But you know there is one thing I do wish I could apologize to Cat Noir for." Ladybug commented and Adrien hesitated.
"What's that? I mean, can I know?" Adrien asked, and Ladybug looked down at her hands.
"Sometimes I'm required to lie in order to protect my secret identity. And once I had to lie to Cat and tell him... I loved him." Ladybug said sadly. Adrien heard these words and was confused for only a moment before he knew exactly what she was talking about. That's why Marinette told Cat Noir she loved him, even though Ladybug always said she was in love with another.
"Well... why that?" Adrien asked as gently as he could.
"I told him I loved him because it was the first thing that came to mind. I feel bad about it, but I can't tell him I'm sorry for obvious reasons." Ladybug said and Adrien sighed.
"Yeah, I understand." Adrien said and Ladybug glanced at him.
"At least things are different between you and Marinette. First of all, you can apologize- and you have, where as I can't." Ladybug said and Adrien nodded.
"Yeah." Adrien muttered and Ladybug smiled at him.
"If it makes you feel any better, I do think you're a good person." Ladybug said and Adrien looked at her.
"Honest?" Adrien asked and Ladybug nodded.
"I do." Ladybug said simply. Adrien hesitated before he stood up and walked over to the window. He looked out at the twinkling lights of Paris and sighed.
"Adrien?" Ladybug asked and he sighed.
"Sometimes I wonder if I am a good person. I have been alone for so long that I feel inadequate around others- who have been sociable all their lives." Adrien said and Ladybug walked over to him.
"You might make mistakes every now and again, but you have a kind heart. And if you ask me, that's better then all the riches in the world." Ladybug said and Adrien rolled his eyes.
"Try telling that to my dad. He is so busy with work, he knows nothing about me. If it wasn't for Nathalie and my bodyguard, I'd be completely alone. I hate being locked up in this house all the time, not that he cares about that." Adrien vented and he leaned against the windowsill.
"He just wants you to be safe." Ladybug said. Adrien recalled Marinette saying something similar before, to Cat Noir; but it didn't make him feel better.
"As selfish as it is, I sometimes wish I could move out or run away from all this. I took up modeling to try and get closer to father, but that didn't work. If anything, being a model makes me more busy and it's just one more way he can keep me under his thumb." Adrien said and Ladybug froze. What was she suppose to say?
"Obviously, I can't really order you to stay or leave. But I do know that there are many kids who wish to run away, and then they quickly learn that they never should have run away from their problems." Ladybug said and Adrien nodded.
"Yeah... I know." Adrien said sadly and Ladybug sighed.
"Sometimes, parents will kick their children out of the house and banish them from their families forever. And sometimes... in rare occasions, sometimes the people you're living with aren't the people you should be living with." Ladybug said and Adrien blinked and slowly turned towards her.
"What?" Adrien said this with a mix of confusion, sadness and hope. Like a stranger walking up to a kicked puppet and telling them 'you don't deserve to be abused; would you like to come home with me?'. And it just broke Ladybug's heart to see Adrien like that.
"Perhaps it's a little silly, but I'm reminded of those two beloved children's movies. One called 'Matilda', and another called 'Secondhand Lions'. The first is about a wonderfully brilliant young girl named Matilda. She's completely overlooked by her family and she learns that she can be powerful all on her own. Secondhand Lions is about this young boy named Walter, who is forced to live with his grand uncles when his mother abandons him.
"In the end, for both kids, the parents tried to take them away from someone who genuinely cared for them. And in both cases, the children didn't want to go back and their parents recognized that they were not the best people to raise their children. Matilda and Walter finally got to live with a family who loves them and allows them to be children again." Ladybug said and Adrien thought about this a moment.
"Maybe I should watch those movies." Adrien commented and Ladybug smirked.
"Maybe you should watch them with Marinette." Ladybug suggested.
"You think she'll agree to that?" Adrien asked and Ladybug shrugged.
"She might, if you asked nicely." Ladybug said. Adrien blushed a little at the idea, though he tried not to.
"So you don't think I'm being ridiculous for wanting to run away?" Adrien asked and Ladybug sighed.
"Not ridiculous. I think everyone wants to run away at some point, for one reason or another. And I know you feel bad for hurting Marinette, so you probably don't want to do anything reckless for a while. But at the end of the day, all that matters is what you think. If you think you'll be happier living somewhere else, then nothing I say can change that opinion.
"All I'm saying, is if you really do choose to run away, be like Matilda or Walter and be sure. Know where everyone stands, be confident that this is something you want to do, because you may not see your family again for a long time. And also, if you're gonna run away, please know where you're going." Ladybug said logically.
"Do you think I should run away?" Adrien asked.
"It doesn't matter what I think. This is really about you and how you feel. If you really feel so strongly about it, then my opinion is obsolete. If you really need my opinion you either want me to say 'yes' so that you have someone to agree with you; or you want me to say 'no', to give you a reason to stay. And I don't deserve the responsibility of potentially ruining your life." Ladybug said and Adrien blinked.
"I didn't mean... um..." Adrien hesitated and Ladybug smiled.
"I know. Listen, Adrien. Life is full of choices, whether we like it or not. And, more often then not, choices get made for us, and we have to live with the choices others have made." Ladybug said.
"Are you sure about that? 'Most of the time', I mean?" Adrien asked, shocked and Ladybug wasn't phased by his doubt. She knew exactly what to say.
"Yes. Take Hawk Moth for instance. He made one choice that easily affects every Parisian in Paris. He decided not to use his powers for the greater good. Without him, there wouldn't be a Ladybug, or Cat Noir, or any other heroes. People wouldn't turn into villains, citizens wouldn't be afraid of akumas, and who knows what else would be different. But that's one decision that one person made and it did change things for others. On a small scale, we all have that power, even if we don't realize it." Ladybug said and Adrien couldn't help but stare.
"What to do with your life is highly important. The decision should be yours to make. Not mine, not your father's, you. As long as you have choice, the decision should be yours." Ladybug said. Adrien took a deep breath in, and a deep breath out.
"Good advice." Adrien said and Ladybug smiled.
"It's what I'm here for." Ladybug said.
"I'm glad you didn't tease me about crying." Adrien said and Ladybug giggled softly.
"Everyone cries, even me." Ladybug said and Adrien smiled.
"Part of me still can't believe you're here in my room." Adrien said and Ladybug nodded.
"Well, I am here. I won't disappear if you touch me, I'm not an illusion or anything." Ladybug said in a cheeky tone.
"That so? Let me check." Adrien said. He gently reached over and caressed Ladybug's cheek, the way he always wanted to. She froze at feeling the act she'd always wanted him to do. And for a brief moment, they could only stare at each other.
"I guess you're still here." Adrien whispered and Ladybug bit her lip.
"Unless I'm a dream." She whispered. Adrien rested his forehead against hers, never wanting her to leave.
"Then this dream is a true gift." Adrien said. Ladybug smiled as they both closed their eyes.
As Marinette, she wanted to swoon at how this all felt; but then she remembered Cat Noir. Being around Cat felt so similar and she started to feel weird. She's been in love with Adrien for so long, yet she can't help but feel the same about Cat. How could that be possible? She couldn't really be in love with Adrien AND Cat Noir- that just doesn't make any sense. Yet, somehow she felt like she was being unfaithful to one of them. She looked down at Adrien's lips. They were so close; just a breath away and she could be kissing him... the same way she wanted to kiss Cat Noir earlier.
"Um..." Ladybug hesitated, and then she took a step away from Adrien. What was the last thing he said again? 'This dream is a gift'? Wait a minute.
"Gift?" Ladybug said, her eyes widening.
That's right! Nino's party was tomorrow, and she hasn't finished her present for Nino yet. She was going to finish yesterday, but she got akumatized, and then there was the fashion show and then the ice cream with Cat Noir. And today she could have finished it, but she got so distracted by Cat Noir's letter that she completely forgot.
"Gift!" She quietly hissed to herself and Adrien bit his lip. On one hand it was a little adorable to see a little extra Marinette in Ladybug, but he also recognized that she was about to leave.
"I have to go Adrien." Ladybug said, she pulled out her yo-yo and she jumped onto the windowsill. She was about to fly off, but she froze when an idea popped into her mind. She turned back to Adrien, and rubbed the back of her neck.
"Adrien, perhaps... I could help you fix your locker tomorrow night." Ladybug suggested and Adrien blinked.
"I... I'd like that very much." Adrien said.
"Great; this time tomorrow?" Ladybug asked and Adrien smiled warmly at her.
"Sounds like a plan." Adrien said and Ladybug smiled back at him.
"See you tomorrow, Adrien." Ladybug said, right before swinging away.
"Thank you, milady." Adrien whispered as he watched his love disappear into the night.