Dedicated to Fluffykitty 12 Because she is as strong as Frank and Joe and understands what they fight.

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Pov Sam Radley

(Detective partner of Fenton Hardy, Frank's dad. He is like a father to Frank and Joe)

Joe has a five percent chance of surviving. I've had nightmares about this scenario. If Joe died, would Frank survive?

No. Frank would never forgive himself if Joe died. Somehow Joe had sensed the same thing.

Three months ago, Joe had walked in my office, shut the door and sat down. He slid an envelope across my desk. His hand shook as he pulled it back from the envelope. He left a sweaty handprint on my desk. I pretended not to notice. "When something happens to me, give this to Frank." Joe walked out of my office before I could say anything. I put the envelope in my wallet. I tried to forget about it. I've never told anyone about it...until now.

Frank slumped in a hard plastic chair. He ran a shaky hand through his hair. Frank needed his dad, but Fenton was barely functioning.

Fenton's face was deathly pale. Losing a son was his worst nightmare. He knew losing one son meant losing both. It's hard enough surviving the death of a partner. But when your partner is also your brother, how do stop the guilt from eating you alive? Fenton looked from Joe's hospital room to Frank. Both sons needed him. How could he choose between them?

"Why don't you see Joe?" I say. "I'll stay with Frank."

Fenton nodded and slowly walked down the hall. I've fought beside Fenton many times. But the only time I have ever seen fear in his eyes is when one of his sons was hurt.

I turned to Frank. He was shutting down. How far had he already retreated into his own world of guilt and blame? Frank was shutting down. I put my arm around Frank's shoulders. No response. "Frank?" I said. Nothing.

Like someone throwing a life preserver to a drowning man, I pressed Joe's letter into Frank's hands. "Joe wanted you to have this," I say. Frank's eyes focus when I mention Joe. He stares at his name written in Joe's messy scrawl. Joe has brought Frank back. But what happens if Joe dies?

Pov Frank

My hands shake as I unfold Joe's letter. How did it come to this? How did I let someone hurt Joe this bad?

Frank,
When Iola died, there were so many things I wanted to tell her. And my chance was gone. I promised that would never happen to us. Bro, you need to know this wasn't your fault.

Yeah, I know how your mind works. You've got a million reasons to blame yourself. You are replaying everything in your head and figuring what you could have done differently.

I know cuz I did the same thing when Iola died. Almost drove myself crazy. I'm asking you not to do that, for me.

Sometimes we have to make split second decisions. You let it go because you did the best you could. And Frank, you did the best you could.

Truth is, you already saved my life. When Iola died, I was in a dark place. I wouldn't have ended my life. But I did risky things. Things so risky I didn't know if I'd make it back alive. And you knew that.

You saw it when nobody else would. Still remember how you dragged me to Dr. Welch for grief counseling. When I wouldn't get up that morning, you came in my bedroom and switched on the lights. "Ten minutes and we're on the road," you said. I pulled the sheets over my head and ignored you. At that point I just wanted the pain to end. Sleep helped except for the nightmares. Anyway you came back, pulled back the sheets and dumped a tray of ice cubes on me. You were the only one who treated me the same after Iola died.

I didn't say one word on the ride there or at the appointment or on the way home. You sat there and told Dr. Welch everything. And you guys came up with a plan to bring me back. I had to exercise to fight the depression, eat and see Dr. Welch.

You drove me to the gym after my appointment. I remember saying I wasn't getting out of the car. Figured it was safe cuz no ice cubes around. You glared at me. "Look, I know you are hurting. I can't even imagine how much. But we are not giving up. So suck it up, Buttercup."

Well, Buttercup your day has come. Dr. Welch knows if anything happens to me, you have my old appointment time. Sam will take you. I told him about the ice cube treatment so prepare yourself.

For exercise, I know you've been nagging me to run the Bayport Marathon with you forever. Somehow I got out of it. But Phil knows if anything happens to me, he is on deck as your new exercise buddy. He will drive you to the gym and workout or you guys can run to get ready for the marathon.

Chet is making sure you eat and taking you grocery shopping. And remember all those Wednesday mornings, I'd drag my tired self into the office. "You out partying?" you'd ask. Truth is, Tony and I volunteer in a program for high risk teens Tuesday nights. Guess who is filling my spot, Bbttercup?

I miss you. You were more than a brother, partner or best friend. Somehow you were my other half. I know you don't believe in God. I do. I have to because it's the only way I get a chance to apologize to Iola. I have to believe part of her survived and is in Heaven.

You are a logical guy. You need proof. All I know is this can't be the end. And God's love and grace is the only way I can explain having you for my brother, best friend and partner. I did nothing to deserve any of it.

This isn't goodbye. It's just a short time apart. If I have my way, I'm already watching you. Maybe you can feel me, maybe you can't, but I am there.

Joe

P.S. In our line of work there are no guarantees. But I went out doing what I loved. No regrets. See you on the other side, Buttercup.

Someone touches my shoulder. For a moment, I think it's Joe. But then I see Dad. "Frank, you need to go say goodbye to Joe," Dad whispers.

Note: Thanks to Carol J. Post who wrote Shattered Haven. She used the idea that God can send a someone into your life.