"Was that your first kiss since 1945?"

"Who do you want me to be?"

"I didn't want you to be alone."

"See you in a minute!"

Steve woke up with a gasp, disoriented and hurt. He was in his bed in Brooklyn, the sheets on the floor and Liho sitting on the end of the bed, watching him.

"I'm okay." He lied and the cat tilted her head like she knew he wasn't telling the truth.

He had been emotionally exhausted after today's group therapy and had lied down for a nap. He sat up and checked the time. It was only seven pm. Way too early to go back to sleep. She would have made a grandpa joke about him. He shook his head and decided to go for another run. He'd already gone this morning, but he needed another one. Physical exercise was good for him. It helped with his depression and it kept his mind occupied. He made sure that Liho had fresh water and gave her a few treats before he left the apartment.

Steve only focused on his feet hitting the pave walk and didn't really pay any attention to where he was headed. He only noticed he was in Greenwich Village when he almost ran into someone.

"Watch it!" A man shouted angrily.

"I'm sorry!" He looked up and realized that he'd almost run into Stephen Strange. "Dr. Strange, hello."

"Captain Rogers!" Strange's eyes widened for some reason. "Hello." He almost seemed flustered. "Um, how are you?"

"I'm good." He lied. "You?"

"Yeah, I'm good." He seemed uncomfortable which Steve didn't understand. They'd only met once at Tony's funeral and had only exchanged a few words. "It was nice to see you." He gave him a short nod and walked up the stairs to what Steve assumed was his home.

"Yeah, you too..."

Weird. He shook his head and continued with his run.

Liho was pleased with his return, rubbing herself against his legs and letting him pick her up. He knew that she missed her, too. Steve had never contemplated if animals grieved, but they definitely did. Liho was just as depressed as he was. He played with her for a while until she had enough and climbed up her cat tree. He scratched her underneath her chin and then sat down on his couch with his laptop. He went through his inbox, answering work emails and deleting offers for interviews and advertisement jobs. He had no clue how these people even got his email address. He closed his laptop and put on a documentary. He'd stopped watching movies and shows, it had been their thing and he wasn't ready to do it without her. He fell asleep on the couch, dreaming about her like he did every night.

A few days later Steve met up with Sam who was in town and Steve knew that he couldn't not see his friend. He was happy that Sam and Bucky were back, he really was, he had missed them but like everything in his life it was overshadowed by his grief. But today he would try to enjoy his time with Sam. He was busy as the new Cap and his life in Louisiana, so it wasn't often that Steve saw him. Sam was doing great, he was an amazing Captain America and the shield represented now so much more than it had done when Steve had carried it. And he had to admit that a flying Captain America was pretty cool.

They went to a sports bar for a few drinks and to watch a game, and Sam caught him up on his life in Louisiana, he had even started seeing someone back home. Steve was happy for him, he deserved some romance in his life. Steve didn't have much new to tell his friend. His days were pretty much the same. He was thinking about trying clicker training with Liho, though. Sam seemed disappointed that Steve didn't have more going on.

"I worry about you, man!"

"Don't, Sam. I'm okay." He lied.

"Are you talking to someone? I know you're not talking to any of us, but we both know it would help. You can't keep all this pain inside of you. You're not alone."

Steve looked around, the other guests at the bar were paying them no attention. "I don't want to talk about it here."

"You don't want to talk about it anywhere." Sam sighed. "I lost her, too. I miss her, too."

"It's not the same!"

"I know." Sam said softly. "But I still loved her. We're all hurting. And I know it's been the worst for you. I worry about you. She would worry about you, too."

"Well, she's not here to yell at me, is she?" He said bitterly.

"Steve."

"I just...Look, I'm trying, okay. There's a fucking hole in my chest and it...sometimes it hurts to just fucking breathe, Sam." He blinked his tears away. "This is the best I can do right now. This is it, I can't give you more. I don't want to talk about it. It's pointless, it won't bring her back to me. It won't ease my pain. I'm just not ready, okay?"

"Okay." Sam nodded. "Okay."

Steve was home an hour later, feeling agitated, sad and a bit guilty. He knew that Sam was just trying to help, but he just... he was just too broken for it.

He looked for his phone to text Sam.

I'm sorry

His reply came two minutes later.

It's okay. We're okay. I'm always there for you.

I know, thank you.

Steve put his phone away and picked up his sketch book from its spot on the coffee table. He wanted to work on his latest drawing of Liho, but he ended up staring at an unfinished sketch of her. He'd always been a little bit proud of his talent, but right now he hated that he could draw so lifelike. He traced the features of her face with his fingers, wishing for the millionth time that she were still with him. He took his pencil and started to work on her hair. I miss you so fucking much.

There was a man in her dreams. His hair golden and his eyes blue like the sky, they were so kind. He was so beautiful, she didn't know who he was, but she knew that he was important to her. She liked the dreams with him the most. She felt safe in those dreams, he made her feel safe. She wasn't sure, but she thought that she loved him.

Who was he to her? Her brother or her husband?

There was a young woman in her dreams sometimes, talking about a husband, who renovated houses, and a son.. Was she talking about the blond man? Was he her husband? Did she have a child? And who was the woman? She felt warmth when her face appeared in her dreams...

Who were they? Why didn't she remember them and what they were to her?

The voice was talking to her again, but she was still too tired to open her eyes. Would she ever wake up again? Was the beautiful man talking to her? Was he waiting for her? Would she ever know his name?

"I need you to wake up, Natasha. I need you to be okay."

Was she Natasha? Was that her name? She wanted to wake up, but she was just so tired.

"Strange said that you'd wake up when you're ready...I hope that motherfucker is right. I didn't always do right by you, but I'm trying to do it now. You're safe here and you can heal. If I have to sell my soul to the devil to get you to wake up, I'll do it. Just please wake up."