Steve was doing okay-ish. He got out of bed every day, went to work and art school, and got out to meet his friends from time to time. But he still felt like a fraud, he went to bed feeling like shit and he woke up every morning wanting to stay in bed. He was still faking it. What did they say? Fake it 'til you make it.

During the day he was okay, but at home alone it hit him all over again. She was gone. No more jokes about his age, no more half smirks and he'd never see her smile again. He knew that he would never get over her death, Yori was still mourning his wife and son, but Steve had accepted that grief was a part of loving someone. He still missed his ma and everyone else he'd lost during his long life. Death was a part of life, he knew that. He just wanted her back. He'd give anything to get her back.

Liho was mad at him because he'd taken her to the vet earlier to get her annual shots and was now ignoring him. Steve was sitting on the couch, reading a book, and glancing at Liho who waited for him to look at her so she could turn around and ignore him. She was quite the drama queen. He chuckled and went back to his book. Half an hour later Liho decided that she had ignored him enough and jumped on his shoulders.

Someone knocked on his door and Steve got up to check. Judging by the sound of the knocking it had to be Bucky. Liho was still on his shoulders and enjoying her free ride through the apartment. He had been right and Bucky was standing in front of him, carrying two six packs of their favorite beer. He let Bucky in and much to his best friend's fake dismay Liho jumped from Steve's shoulders onto Bucky's. Buck pretended to dislike Liho, but Steve knew the truth. He wouldn't be surprised if his best friend would end up adopting his own cat. Maybe a white one...

They drank the beer in a comfortable silence and Steve was so incredibly grateful that his best friend was back and doing okay. His brother was free and could do whatever he wanted. Without Bucky (and Sam) by his side, Steve wasn't sure if he would have survived the last eight months. He loved his friends and he knew how lucky he was that he had them in his life. He was trying to be a better friend, he knew that she would have been unhappy with him shutting himself off in the first months after her death.

"So, I'm going on a date tomorrow." Bucky suddenly announced and even Liho looked up from her favorite spot on the couch. Steve didn't see that coming. He'd seemed to be against dating almost as much Steve was.

"How did that happen?" He asked curiously.

"Dr. Raynor said that I should step out of my comfort zone, so I asked out the first pretty dame I came across." Okay...Well, the old Bucky never had a problem to find and score a date... "We'll just meet for coffee. I figured asking out a complete stranger for one coffee couldn't hurt. Not me or her."

"What's her name?"

"I didn't ask."

"What?" Steve laughed. "You're going on a date with a woman whose name you don't know?"

"She doesn't know my name either."

"Are you sure she's gonna be there tomorrow? I don't think she'll be there, pal."

"She'll be there, Stevie. I still got it, don't worry!" Bucky said without an ounce of doubt. If anything, Buck had always been very confident with it came to women and dating. Knowing Buck and his dating record, the woman would probably show up tomorrow.

"Helloooo!" The little girl from 3B greeted him when he held open the door for her and her mother. "We're buying a lama!"

"No, we're going to see lamas!" The mother objected and Steve fought off a smile. Worth a try.

"We'll see." She said confidently and waved him goodbye.

Steve chuckled and jogged up the stairs to his apartment. He'd gone to work today and to his art class, and he felt accomplished. He was in control and not his grief. He was still smiling from his encounter with the little girl when he reached his apartment and saw a heavy envelope leaning against his door.

Odd.

He picked it up carefully, but it seemed harmless. He unlocked his door, greeted Liho and grabbed a butter knife to open the envelope. He always tore the envelopes to shreds if he didn't open them with a knife. He pulled out a card.

I found these in a safe house. I figured you would want them, Captain Rogers. M.

M? Who was M?!

He looked again into the envelope to see the rest of its content. And then he knew who M was. Melina Vostokoff. It had to be her.

He pulled out a bunch of Polaroids of him and her. They had taken the photos while they had been on the run from Ross. She had bought an old Polaroid camera and the two of them had taken photos of each other and the two of them together. They had hidden them at her safe house in Kviv. He'd never told her, but he had loved to be on the run with her (and Sam, of course). He'd hated it that they couldn't go home and had to look over their shoulders constantly, but he'd loved to be with her, to spend every second with her. They looked happy in these photos, and in love. At least Steve did. Of course everyone had known he was in love with her, it was so obvious from the way he'd looked at her.

He sank to the floor. It hurt so fucking much to look at her. He had been avoiding to look at photos of her. She was smiling happily and her eyes were full of life. It hurt so fucking much. He was never going to get over her.

He had to get out of here. Out of town. Get on his bike and just drive.

Liho bumped him with her head and meowed. He couldn't leave right now. He had to take care of Liho. He would ask Bucky to check on her and to feed her. He texted his best friend, hoping he would be able to leave tomorrow.

Liho rested her head on his thigh while Steve spent the rest of the day staring at her face.

He felt the wind on his skin and could smell the rain from last night on the highway. He was driving upstate, following the Hudson River. He had no destination in mind, he just wanted to drive. The further he got away from the city, the calmer he felt. He needed this. He wasn't running away, he just needed a break. His life was still in Brooklyn and always would be, but right now it almost felt claustrophobic to be there. What he needed right now was his Harley and to be alone. He'd always loved to drive aimlessly for hours, it helped him clear his mind and to focus. Some people mediated, Steve drove. There was just the road, trees, the river and him.

Steve had been driving for almost three hours when he got hungry. He stopped by a village near the river, it was just one road and a few lanes from what he could see and he'd already forgotten the name of the place. Steve had no idea why he stopped here, the next town was only twenty miles away. But it looked like they had at least a bakery here. He parked his bike near the entrance of the village and decided to walk to the bakery. He didn't want to draw too much attention and it were only a few hundred meters anyway.

There was a sign outside of the bakery, promising fresh coffee and chocolate croissants.

He looked through the windows, and thankfully the bakery was almost empty except for one old man sitting at a small table. He wasn't in the mood for people wanting to talk to (the former) Captain America. He just wanted to be left alone.

He was still looking through the windows when a woman walked through the backdoor to get behind the shop counter. A petite woman with red head. She looked exactly like-

No, it couldn't be. His heart almost leaped out of his chest. He took another look. His mind was playing cruel tricks to him.

It couldn't be her, could it? No, that was impossible.

The woman said something to the old man and then she smiled. She smiled in a way he had only ever seen one woman smile before. Tears clouded his eyes and his chest felt tight.

Natasha?