Stephen Strange wasn't currently in this universe according to Wong and Steve quite frankly had no clue what that actually meant. He'd wanted to talk to Strange about Natasha, but it looked like he had to postpone that conversation.
Steve's head was still spinning and a part of him wondered if he'd dreamed the whole thing and Natasha wasn't alive. He'd seen her two days ago and he desperately wanted to return to that tiny village to see her again. He just wasn't sure if he should. There were so many things that he wanted, no, needed to tell her, but he couldn't.
He hadn't even told anyone about her return yet. For now he was going to keep it a secret. Would seeing loved ones help her recovery or worsen it? He had no clue and he didn't want to put Natasha at risk. He knew that the others would want to know that she was alive, but Natasha was more important. What would it do to her if people showed up expecting her to remember them and she couldn't? The only one he'd told about Natasha was Liho- not that she'd had any clue what he'd been talking about, but she'd definitely noticed his good mood. Steve couldn't put in words how happy he was. Natasha was alive and Steve was ecstatic. He felt like he could breathe again. He was hopeful again. And he couldn't wait to see her again. He had tomorrow off, he was going to drive upstate again. He couldn't stay away from her, he wasn't strong enough. The irony of that wasn't lost on him.
He played a lot with Liho so she wouldn't miss him too much the next day. He wished she could understand who he was going to visit tomorrow. One day, Liho would have Natasha back, she just had to be patient. He went to bed quite early, not dreading sleep because his dreams weren't so painful anymore. He carried an immense guilt for not looking for her when he'd returned the Soul Stone and he always would, but now he had the chance to make it up to her. He'd make it up every day for the rest of their lives.
He woke up refreshed the next day and got ready for his trip. He'd bought an automatic cat feeder for Liho, gotten her new toys and left the blinds open so she could watch the street from her cat tree. She was used to being alone at home for hours when he was at work, but he still felt guilty. He was going to see Liho's mom and she had no idea. He figured he was overcompensating in spoiling her.
Liho watched him throw on his leather jacket and jumped on the couch. He stroked her back for a while and then left the apartment. Steve was in luck that Bucky was helping Sam with a mission so he couldn't ask him to meet up for lunch or something. Steve didn't want to come up with lie why he was going out of town again.
The roads were almost empty, most people already at work, and Steve managed to get to the village in under three hours. This time he parked in front of the bakery, secretly hoping that Natasha would ask him to take her for a ride. Today he had actually been wearing a helmet and brought a second one, just in case.
A customer left the bakery and Steve was disappointed that Natasha wasn't standing behind the counter. Where was she? A woman in her sixties was serving another customer. Maybe Natasha was in the back, trying new recipes? He loved that she'd gotten around to try baking. Even if she had no clue that she'd wanted to learn how to make chocolate croissants.
He stepped inside and nodded at the man who passed by him. Now Steve was alone with the older woman (who was technically younger than him), the woman didn't seem happy to see him. Why? He didn't think they knew each other.
"She's not working today."
"I'm sorry?"
"Lena-" She gave him a pointed look. "Is not working today. It's her day off."
"Oh."
"Yeah, oh." He didn't even consider that she could have the day off like him. Fuck.
"Why are you here again? Natasha is safe here. What if someone follows you and hurts her?"
"I won't let anything happen to her." He promised Natasha's boss. He would kill anyone who even thought about laying a hand on her.
The woman shook her head. "You can't promise that. What if showing up here interferes with her recovery? We try our hardest not to trigger her. Fury said that her memory has to come back naturally."
"You're doing a lot for her." Steve couldn't imagine how hard it had to be to keep Natasha in the dark. Did she know about the Blip? About the Avengers?
"We all like her. It's not just a favor to Fury anymore. She's a good girl." She seemed sad. "I knew immediately that it was you who she was talking about during dinner. Fury told us that you could show up here. I just never thought it would be so soon. She couldn't stop gushing about you, hoping you'd really come back to see her."
"I've lost her once. I can't lose her again." He confessed.
"Please be careful, Steve. And please don't get your hopes up. And especially not hers. Don't lead her on. Or you'll both be hurt in the end."
He had no idea how he was supposed to interpret that. The woman clearly cared about Natasha, and the last thing Steve wanted was to hurt Nat.
"I'll be careful. Natasha is...She means the world to me, the last seven months...I barely survived them."
He heard the door open behind him. "I'm back, Betty!"
Natasha. He heart fluttered in his chest. Just hearing her voice brought tears to his eyes. He took a deep breath to collect himself and then he turned around.
"You're back!" She smiled brightly at him. "I told you he would come back, Betty!"
"I know you did, Lena." Betty's whole demeanor changed, she was now warm and almost motherly. She really cared about Natasha.
"Hi." He said softly.
"Hi." She was wearing a hoodie underneath a vest, jeans and boots. She looked like herself and she somehow didn't look like herself. It was strange. "Passing through again?"
He shook his head. "I wanted to see you again." He answered her truthfully. He didn't want to lie to her too much.
She seemed happy about that. "It's my day off."
"I heard."
Natasha looked from Betty to him. "Do you wanna take a walk, maybe?"
"I'd love to."
"Great!"
They left the bakery together and Steve could practically feel Betty burning holes with her eyes into his back. He knew that he was playing with fire, but it was... He couldn't stay away from Natasha. He couldn't explain it. Something had led him to her and now it was making him stay. He had been meant to find her and now he was meant to keep seeing her. It hadn't been a coincidence that he'd stopped here, it had been fate. He didn't know much at the moment, but that he did know.
Natasha suggested to follow a trail to the Hudson river and Steve would have followed her anywhere. He didn't care where they walked as long as she was by his side. He almost asked her to pinch him, he couldn't believe that she was here with him. Even in his wildest dreams he hadn't dreamed for something like that.
"I hope Betty wasn't too hard on you?" Natasha asked.
"She cares about you, a lot." Steve said, trying to avoid to answer the question. Betty had every right to be hard on him. Being here was the most selfish thing he'd ever done.
"Yeah, she's... I don't really have anyone, you know." She smiled sadly and Steve wanted to scream. "Betty and everyone else here...They're all I have. I care about them too. They took me in when they didn't have to. I owe them."
I owe you
The words Natasha had uttered all those years ago in Sam's guest room. Until then, he hadn't known if he could completely trust her, always wondering if she had been ordered by Fury to play him, but after SHIELD had fallen he'd known- known that he could trust her. And that he'd follow her into hell if she'd ask him to and that trust had turned slowly into love. A love stronger than anything he'd ever felt. Nothing compared to it. She was the love of his life.
"Grant?"
"Sorry." He shook his head. "I'm glad you have them in your life."
"Me, too."
They walked through a wooded area and Steve could already hear the river.
"Do you have a girlfriend?" Her cheeks turned pink. "Boyfriend?"
"No, I'm single." He answered her and Natasha seemed pleased. "My best friend says I'm hopeless when it comes to women. And my..." He swallowed, he had to be careful. "My other best friend always tried to set me up on dates, not realizing what I really wanted."
"And what was that?"
You
"A real connection, something that happens naturally." He half-lied and Natasha nodded.
They reached the river and Natasha pointed a bench. They sat down.
"I don't really know who I am right now. I guess no one does." She laughed. "I...I had an accident and I have amnesia now." She was looking at the water. "I have no idea who I am. I don't remember anything about myself. Going on a blind date where the other one expects me to tell them about my life sounds like hell to me. Here no one expects me to be anything. I can just try to find myself each day, hoping that I get it right."
"I'm so sorry this happened to you." He whispered.
"It's not your fault." She gave him a perplexed look.
I sent you to Vormir. It is my fault.
"We have what we have when we have it." Natasha said and Steve's breath got caught. She'd said this before to him. "I have a roof over my head, people who care for me, and a job I like. And hopefully one day I remember." She smiled at him. "Or my family finds me. I mean, I should have a family, right? Everyone has one."
Steve suddenly felt sick. Yes, she had a family, but they thought she was dead. Her two families thought so. "Yeah." He managed to croak out.
"Tell me about your life. I'm sure you have more to tell than me."
He took a deep breath and told her about his counseling job, about his cat that was actually hers, about his friends that were also her friends.
"Nobody special, though." She said, like she wanted to make sure again that he really wasn't seeing anyone.
"No." He shook his head, feeling like he was being visited by the ghost of the past.
"That's too bad." Natasha gave him a look he couldn't read. "Or maybe not." She blushed. He'd never actually seen her blush before. It was cute. "I'm really glad I met you. I'm actually not usually working behind the counter, but Betty had to get out of town so I took over. We would have never met if she didn't have an appointment."
Fate. It was fate. Steve was sure of it.
"I'm really glad I met you, too." He said and Natasha smiled happily.
"I feel like I know you. Which is insane." She shook her head. "I mean you would have said something if we knew each other. You're not the one with amnesia." She laughed and Steve joined her uncomfortably. "But I feel...Like I can trust you. I don't want to spook you."
"You're not. I feel it, too."
"Will you-" She stopped herself.
"Yes?"
"Will you come here more often? I can't really go to New York right now...The noises are too much for me. Betty took me to Albany to get clothes and we had to leave after 20 minutes. My brain couldn't handle it. I almost had a seizure."
"What?" She wasn't fully recovered? He started to panic. Was that the reason why he wasn't allowed to trigger memories? Would it cause a seizure? Or something even worse?
"It will get better with time. That's what my doctor said. My brain just needs time to deal with the trauma from the accident. I'm okay." Natasha squeezed his hand. "The scans show no permanent brain damage. One day I can go into a big city without being overwhelmed. I could visit you then?"
She still had her hand on top of his. "I'd love that. I'll keep visiting you, Lena." He promised her. "I can't stay away from you."
"I don't want you to. I feel...I feel really great around you. Like this is how I'm supposed to be." She blushed and looked away. "I feel like the heroine in one of Betty's romance novels."
"N-Lena, look at me." He whispered and she turned her head to look at him. Her gaze was soft and open. "I had some pretty rough months...I lost someone...and since I met you...for the first time I don't feel so lost anymore."
"Do you believe in fate?" Natasha whispered.
"Yes, now I do." He answered truthfully. And he believed, or at least hoped, that Natasha loved him, too. He couldn't explain her behavior otherwise.
She rested her head on his shoulder and sighed. Steve's heart pounded in his chest and he sighed as well, feeling the kind of inner peace he only felt when he was with Natasha. He was whole again.