Natasha took a step away from him, her eyes wide and alert. She looked like she was afraid of him and it nearly broke him. She took another step back when he tried to get closer to her. God, he was an idiot. Why hadn't he just pushed her out of the way? What if she never wanted to see him again? What was he supposed to do now?
"No, stay where you are!" Natasha hugged herself like she was trying to protect herself from him. "What...How did you...It makes no sense! You're a normal and sweet guy! I...I trusted you! I... I was falling for you!" She had tears in her eyes.
"Please, don't be scared, sweetheart. I would never hurt you. Never use my strength against you." He promised hoarsely, tears welling up in his eyes. She had never looked at him like this before. She had never been scared of him before and he couldn't handle it. He would rather die a thousand deaths than to ever hurt her.
"How are you so strong? It makes no sense!"
He was going to tell her as much of the truth as possible. He owed her that. "I signed up for a secret science project when I was in the Army. They created a serum that made me stronger and faster than a normal soldier."
She eyed him carefully. "Why did you sign up for that project?"
"I wanted to help people. Protect them. I don't know why I was chosen, but I didn't hesitate when I was offered it. My abilities helped me save a lot of people."
Natasha looked at him for what felt like a lifetime and he had no idea what she was thinking.
"So you're different...Like me. We're different from everyone else." She came closer to him, never breaking eye contact. "Is there anything else you're not telling me?"
Yes.
"No."
"Have you ever used your strength against someone who didn't deserve it?"
"No."
"Am I safe with you?"
"Yes."
She kept eyeing him and he was dying to know what was going through her head. Then her face softened and she nodded to herself.
"Thank you for saving my life, Grant." She said softly and stopped in front of him. "I would be dead without you. I'm sorry that I reacted so badly at first. It was a shock."
He sighed in relief, she didn't hate him. She didn't want him to get out of her life.
"I get it. You don't need to apologize. And I'll always protect you." He whispered. "I can't bear the thought of losing you."
She wrapped her arms around his waist and dropped her head against his chest. "I will keep your secret, Grant. I won't tell a soul. You're safe with me, too."
He hugged her back and rested his chin on the top of his head. "You're not scared of me?" He had to make sure.
"No, I'm not." She mumbled into his jacket. "Your first instinct was to save me. You wouldn't have done that if you were a danger to me."
"I'd never let anything happen to you." He promised her fiercely. "You brought me back to life."
They stayed like this for some time, holding onto each other. He had feared that he had lost her (again) and he was so relieved that she still wanted him in her life. And that this incident hadn't harmed her in some way.
"So you're like a superhero?" She looked up at him with a grin. He almost cried because there was no wariness in her eyes anymore, she looked at him like she'd had before.
"No, I'm just a kid from Brooklyn, sweetheart." She and Tony were the real superheros.
"Can I tell you a secret?" She whispered and he tightened his hold on her because she seemed worried about something.
"Of course."
"I think..." She looked away for a moment, he wondered if she was trying to collect herself. "I think I wasn't a good person before my accident."
"Why on earth would you think that?" She was the best of them, she always had been.
Tears were welling up in her eyes. "No one is looking for me. No one! I had no ID on me when they found me. And I have two scars that must have been caused by bullets. I think I did horrible things, Grant."
He titled her chin up so she would look at him. "You are a good person. The best. I can see it in your eyes, sweetheart. There's not a mean bone in your body. I've looked in the eyes of evil and I can't see it in yours."
"Why is no one looking for me then?"
He almost broke in that moment, he wanted to tell her everything. But he couldn't. "I don't know." He lied and he hated himself for it. "I'm sure you have loved ones who miss you very much and that you will be reunited with them one day. I can feel it."
"I know I shouldn't complain. People have been so kind to me." She buried her face in his chest. "And I have you now."
Steve wanted to scream. He was so angry. It was so unfair that this had happened to Natasha. She had been through so much, she didn't deserve this. She was alive again, but she didn't know who she was. She didn't know that she was loved. So loved.
She moved her head up to look at him. "There's something else I need to tell you. Something that you should know in case... in case...well, if this goes further...I can't get pregnant, Grant. I don't know why but I don't have any reproductive organs so if kids are important to you and...I don't know where I'm going with this..."
"I don't care about that. We'll cross that bridge when we get there. We can talk about kids again when and if we want them. It doesn't matter to me that you can't get pregnant. I only care about you. Thank you for trusting me enough to share it with me. But it doesn't change the way I see you."
"It's way too soon to talk about this, I mean we're not a couple, we haven't even kissed yet and I talk about kids.." She shook her head. "But I figured you should know about it if that's important to you."
"You're important to me."
"You feel this between us, too? This bond? This strong pull?" Natasha whispered. "It should scare me, but I think my heart recognizes you. It knows you. My heart waited for you. I waited for you. Maybe I had to have that accident and lose my memories so I could meet you. Everything happens for a reason."
He rested his forehead against hers. "I waited my whole life for you, sweetheart. My heart recognizes you, too."
Natasha loved him. He knew that now. Her feelings for him were still there. Whatever the Soul Stone had done to her, it hadn't been able to erase her love for him. Their love was too powerful for magic.
"Nothing makes sense to me since I woke up, but you do." Natasha stroked his cheek with her thumb. He closed his eyes at her words and touch. He had felt the same way after his seventy year sleep. This new world had made no sense to him until Natasha had shown him the ropes. Until she had made him fall in love with this new world because it was her world. "I wish I could tell you who I really am, but what I can tell you is that I never felt like this before. I know that with every fiber of my being."
"I never felt like this before, too." He confessed to her. He knew that it wasn't the same, but it still felt so good to tell Natasha how he felt about her.
Natasha's stomach growled in that moment and she blushed. "Sorry."
He chuckled and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "It's okay. Let's find a place to sit down and eat." He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and they continued their walk. "I'm really glad we had this talk."
"Me, too." She smiled up at him. "I feel so much closer to you."
There was something on his mind and a tiny voice in his head told him not to do it, but he didn't care. He could sense that it was something that Natasha wanted as well.
"When you introduced me to your physician, you almost called me your boyfriend."
"Oh, I hoped you didn't notice that." She mumbled.
"I don't mind being your boyfriend. In fact, I'd really like that."
"Really?" She sounded hopeful. "Even though I have amnesia and we've never had sex before, let alone a kiss?"
"Na-" He cleared his throat, he almost said her name. "That's not what matters. What matters is what we feel. And I would like to be your boyfriend. I am interested in you, I have feelings for you, and I'll wait for you as long as I have to."
"I want to be your girlfriend. I felt like I had no place in this world, but now I do. I belong to you." She stopped and so did he. "Maybe this seems crazy to others, but I know what I feel. It's the only thing I feel certain about. I want to be with you. Maybe I shouldn't start anything in my current state, but it feels right. And no one can tell me what to do. I want this. I want you."
"You have no idea who fucking happy you make me, sweetheart."
"Language! I thought you didn't like this kind of talk?!" She chided with a smile and then her smile dropped. She pressed a hand to her head and groaned. "My head... God, it hurts so much..." She looked at him with wide and scared eyes. "What's happening? Grant, what's happening to me?" She pressed both hands to her head and fell on her knees to the ground. He went down with her, his hands on her shoulders.
No, no, no. Had her own language comment triggered a memory? About their mission in Sokovia, about Ultron, about their flirty banter in Clint's kitchen? No, no, no.
"Talk to me." Tears clouded his sight. He was so fucking scared. "Sweetheart?"
"I don't feel so-" Her eyes rolled into the back of her head and her body would have dropped to the ground if he hadn't caught her.
"No, no. Nat? Wake up, please. Please open your eyes, sweetheart." He gently shook her body, but she wasn't opening her beautiful eyes. He could still hear her heartbeat, but it was racing. "Don't do this do me, Nat."
He picked her up and ran back to the village. He had to get help. This was all his fault. He should have stayed away from her. He should have waited until she remembered on her own. It took him ten minutes to reach the bakery. He burst through the doors and Betty dropped the cup of coffee she was holding.
"What-"
"Call Strange and Fury!" He yelled at her. "Nat needs help!"
Betty nodded and went to the landline. Steve ran up the stairs to Natasha's apartment and laid her gently on her bed.
"I'm so sorry, Nat. I'll stay away from you now. I was so selfish. I'm so sorry, Nat. I shouldn't have come." He brushed her hair out of her face and started to cry. "I love you so much, Nat. And I thought that my love would justify coming here, but I know now that's not the case. I'm so sorry, sweetheart." He took her hand kissed it. "Please be okay, Nat. I'll never forgive myself for this. I love you. I love you. I love you."
"You can't leave her." Betty was suddenly standing next to him, he hadn't even noticed she had come upstairs. "You weaseled your way into her life and heart. I don't know what she felt for you before and I don't care. But this Natasha, Lena is in love with you. And I won't let you break her heart. She doesn't deserve this. So you have to get your shit together and be more careful. I don't give a fuck about how you'll do it, but you can't leave her. She wouldn't understand and it would break her. I don't care that you're a super soldier, I will still kick your ass. "
"I did this to her. " He choked out, deeply ashamed of himself.
"Yes, you did. But it could have happened with anyone of us. Stan started to talk about the Avengers last week and quickly said it was a comic book series from his childhood when he noticed Natasha was in the room. It didn't trigger her, but it could have. You made your bed and now you have to lie in it, Rogers. You need to be more careful, but you can't stay away from her. I don't know if she loved you before her sacrifice and it doesn't matter, but she loves you now and that love makes her blossom. And I won't let you snuff out that light."
"I've always loved her." He whispered. "I only ever wanted what was best for her."
"Strange is on his way." Betty informed him." He's-" A golden circle appeared that got bigger and bigger and then Strange was stepping out of it. "He's here."
Strange didn't look at him or Betty or said anything to them. He immediately rushed to Natasha's side and opened his doctor's bag that he'd brought with him. He checked her eyes with a flashlight, pressed his fingers into her neck to check her pulse and then pulled a tablet and some kind of headband out of his bag. Strange put the headband onto Natasha's head and then his eyes were clued to his tablet.
Steve had only felt like this once before. It had been when his mother had started to get ill and he'd waited outside her hospital room, feeling scared and powerless. And this time it was his fault. He'd done this to the woman he loved. His mother would have been so disappointed in him.
"Tell me what happened, Rogers." Strange said without looking up from that damn tablet.
Steve told him what had happened in the woods, about how he'd saved her life by using his strength, that he'd told her about a secret Army project, that he'd later cursed and she'd replied with language which had been Tony's response during a mission in Sokovia after Steve had cursed and that Natasha had teased him about it later.
Strange hummed and kept looking at the tablet. Steve desperately wanted to know what Natasha's brain scans told Strange. At least he thought that was what Strange doing.
"Brain activity shows no abnormalities. She needs rest." Strange removed the headband from Natasha's head, put it back into his doctor's back and pulled out a vial and a syringe. "I'll give her something that prevents blood clotting." He filled the syringe and injected it into the crook of Natasha's arm.
"Call me if her state changes, and when she wakes up." Strange said to Betty after he put everything back into his bag.
"Wait!" Steve grabbed Strange by the arm. "You can't just leave. I have questions."
"I'm sure you do, Captain. But I do not have the answers. Unfortunately."
"Please, just five minutes."
Strange looked at him and sighed. "Fine. But do not expect too much." His gaze landed on Betty. "I wouldn't say no to one of your delicious mocca lattes."
"Coming right up, Stephen." Betty gave him a real smile that dropped when she looked at Steve. "Coffee for you?"
"Sure, yes. Thank you."
He gave one last longing look to Natasha and then followed Strange and Betty down to the bakery. The store was closed now, but Betty still made them their drinks and then went upstairs again to check on Nat. She refused to take their money before she left.
Strange sipped on his mocca latte, closed his eyes for a moment and then looked at him expectantly. "Shoot."
Steve cleared his throat. "What happened on Vormir? How is she back?"
"I don't know how or why she is back. All can I offer are theories. Our best guess is that no one has ever returned the Stone before. The soul wasn't needed anymore and returned to its vessel. We don't know if that happens with every sacrifice or if Natasha has been special. She sacrificed herself out of her free will for the greater good and you sacrificed the last piece you had of her. You love her, don't you?"
Steve nodded.
"So it was a sacrifice for you as well. Maybe that set her soul free. I could sense that something extraordinary happened. The Time Stone never showed me that this would happen, so I was surprised as well. I didn't know what would expect me on Vormir, but I knew that I had to travel through time and space to get to that place. She was unresponsive when I found her, but still had a pulse. I brought her to Fury who had the resources to take care of her. She had a head trauma and a fractured spine."
"It's not her injuries that keep her from remembering, is it?"
"It doesn't appear so. There's no medical explanation for her amnesia. Today's incident proves that. Noise and bright lights can cause strong headaches and seizures which happened to her in Albany. But her not remembering things about herself or things related to her but everything else and today's seizure make me believe that it's related to the Soul Stone. I don't know why though."
There was one question on his mind and the answer scared him. "Will she remember or is that part of her gone?"
"I strongly believe she will remember everything. It almost looks like something is keeping her from it. We just don't know what. But there is no doubt that she will remember eventually. We just don't know when."
Steve didn't know what to think. It was good to hear that Strange was positive that she would remember one day, but his theory that something was keeping her from remembering worried him. What was it? The Stone was gone, wasn't it? Or did it still exist on Vormir, a part from her trapped inside it? The part of her soul with her personal memories?
Strange studied him for a moment. "I'm convinced that it's good you found her. It proves that her memories are still there, somewhere deep buried inside of her, otherwise she wouldn't be the way she is with you. In a way she does remember you. I don't believe in love at first sight, but I do know that soulmates exist and the two of you are soulmates. Her soul recognizes yours. There is still hope, Rogers. Don't give up, you have to be patient. It will be hard, there will be more seizures in the future. But in every timeline, in every universe Steve Rogers and Natasha Romanoff ended up together. Not Grant and Lena."