DISCLAIMER:I do NOT own any of the character ideas used in the following fan fiction. It is just an original story idea using the characters of the Manga/Anime.

A/N: Please note there will be a scene in this chapter that goes back and forth between spoken words and inner thoughts. I have done my best to identify the difference by italicizing Kagome's inner thoughts. Speed readers- take you time haha. I hope you enjoy this emotional chapter.

Kagome ran her hands over the soft bed she had been using ever since her return. As she is about to turn in for the night she hears Inuyasha return. He doesn't come inside, and her curiosity wins over a need to sleep.

She walks out into the moonlit night and scours the area- landing on white hair illuminated by the moon.

He was up on the roof- staring down at her. Kagome smiled and jerked her head in the direction away from Kaede's and began walking.

The cool night unforgiving as she runs her arms over themselves for warmth. Footsteps approach and suddenly he is walking alongside her.

After a few meters he breaks the silence.

"What are you still up for?"

"You know I have trouble sleeping when you're sulking around alone." a light smile reaching her eyes as she spoke.

He nodded- and turned their path towards the lower field, where the wind would lessen.

I need to tell her… I don't want to keep hurting her… thoughts swirled in his head.

Inuyasha paused and she turned to look at her friend.

"Kagome- do you know what it means to be mated to a youkai?"

Her mind blanked for a moment. She had been expecting a serious talk.. but not THIS.

A blush filled her face, and her heart rate increased. Sleep? Who is sleep? She could run a marathon with how awake she felt at this very moment.

"Um… I mean- I know you mate for life- and demons of the same species have special bonds or sometimes gain special powers once mated-" she began to spout the knowledge she learned from their demon slayer friend.

Inuyasha nods- "The biggest part is the bond that is formed, once you are mated- you don't choose another mate- not even after your mate dies. You're left without your other half- and depending on the species- it may even kill them to lose their mate."

Kagome takes in the information- So if a demon mates a human….where does that leave them after the human dies?

He can see questions forming in her head and he continues-

"Choosing a mate is a final decision where there can be zero hesitation with either mate. You have to only want me, and I you."

She looks at him- peering into his warm amber eyes. Her mind cleared at the realization of his words.

"Oh Inuyasha- is that what was worrying you?

I only want you.

I know you might think I've changed in the time that has passed, but my feelings for you haven't.

I know I may need to learn about a mating bond- but Sango can always help us. Please don't think I have second thoughts about this at all."

Suddenly his hesitation from before was making sense.

He is always protecting me- even from possibly making a mistake… He really is the best...

"Kagome…." his voice interrupts.

"I have to only want you…...but…"

Her breath hitched in her throat.

But…. What do you mean BUT!

The word fell to her ears, her brain barely registering the sudden change before he continued.

"But….I can't do this to you again… I…. there's this girl….well this hanyou that I met…"

What? He can't do this to me again? Her brain twists the words over and over- Images of Kikyou playing in her mind.

Wait…. A hanyou? Her head jerks and her arm comes up in front of her, protecting her heart.

"Hanyou?" her voice breaks his sentence.

His eyes lock with her.

"Please…" he mutters quietly. "I need to tell you- I need to be honest with you- I don't want you to hate me, I just, I can't lie to you- I care about you too much, I just…. Care about you differently then I did before…"

He looked at her stoic face, he couldn't tell what she was thinking, and he hated it. Even her heart had mellowed out- giving no hint of turmoil...if any-that she was experiencing.

What is this! WHAT! What do I do?! I don't want to be here… I… what do I…

She closed her eyes and without looking at him breaks the silence.

"I'll listen."

She turns away from him- not wanting to show her face to him- thoughts screaming at her to ignore this and go back- away from this weird situation- away to think...to NOT deal with what she knew was coming.

"I'm going to be honest with you" he continued.

Honest….so has he been lying to me since I returned?

"Her name is Sinha- she's a fox demon-well half- and her mother is Kaya and they are the ones who helped me out of a very dark place when you left."

Sangos' words filled her head…

"Kagome, I wasn't the one who helped him.

…..Look- Inuyasha basically left the village up until you came back. He would check in and stay a few days at a time, but you know I was never the one he talked to…..

Honestly- I never got around to finding out what he was up to…."

Her chest tightened at the memory her heart giving a painful thud in her chest, she took a breath- trying to remain steady.

"You stayed with them while I was gone right?" her voice interrupting him.

Surprise filled his face.. "How did you-"

"Sango." was her short response.

He looked at her- stiff and unmoving, he could feel the tension in her energy, a hand running through his hair as he took a breath.

"Makes sense- I didn't want you to find out without me telling you…"

Probably why you were eavesdropping too.. the bitter thought invaded faster than she intended.

"There is so much to this- and I don't want to be immature and not tell you my real feelings, I just don't know how to explain it. How to explain the realization of what she means to me."

Ouch- just gonna act like that doesn't hurt, just gonna ignore this… her eyes clenched shut, stinging from unshed tears.

"I suck with words, but I care about you- I want to be friends still- if you can ever forgive me- I didn't mean for any of this to happen- I can't put you second anymore- I did it with Kikyo and now with her… I can't do that to her either, you both….. you both deserve so much."

His voice cracked as the words spilled from his mouth and the sudden pain and anger that was boiling up inside Kagome hit a brick wall.

He was truly upset by what he was saying, she realized. She turned abruptly towards him, seeing the sadness and guilt resonating from him.

She wanted to hug him and tell him everything would be okay…

But he doesn't love you….the bitter thought roared in her mind.

She closed her eyes attempting to silence the anger inside.

"Inuaysha-" His ears perked up.

"Inuyasha- it's okay." she finally whispered.

Hesitation splayed across his face.

"Sometimes- where we think we will end up- isn't where we end up. It's okay."

NO IT'S NOT! Her inner voice screams.

"Even though I traveled through time- I can't travel back in time and change anything. Your feelings are real, and your heart is telling you something important."

Yea like crush mine- crush it until there's nothing left!

"Inuyasha- you should listen to what it is telling you- if it's telling you I'm not the one for you- listen to it."

Listen to your own heart Kagome- can you hear it? It's being crushed! Quit being so understanding!

"I think you decided already that you want to be with….her" she faltered, wincing as she realized she can't even say her name.

The confusion he feels at her words kindles inside of him.

How can she be so calm? He had expected her to cry- had prepared for it in fact. He hadn't prepared for this, for her to be so understanding, for her to be… to be his friend.

"I do need some time- to process this part. I don't regret my decision to be here- you know I have more of a life here then I did in the future. But I'll need some time to think over it all."

Think about how you're not enough- to Kikyo- to her- never enough. Only good enough to be a FRIEND. Gods Kagome, you're so soft! Her inner thoughts provoking the fire inside.

"I'd even like to meet her one day- I mean not right now and I'm not sure when- to be honest, but I'll make sure you know when I'm ready."

She paused.

"I'd rather have you as a friend then not at all- I….I love you… Inuyasha" Her voice began to break, and she couldn't prevent the tears forming down her face.

She forced a smile to her lips.. " I will be ok."

Your such a liar…. You're not okay and you know it…. I don't want to lose him. I love him...

Her heart thuds against her chest as the words are thoughtfully weaved together- purposefully creating a path for him to leave.

Each heartbeat feels like walking on glass, shattering pain through her limbs.

He can hear her heart beating and he reaches for her- instinctively wanting to comfort her.

She shoots a hand up- stilling his movement.

"Please- I don't think it's wise if you hug me right now."

He stills- nodding in understanding.

"I need some time- and I don't know where she is, or why she isn't here….. but… it seems like you need to go explain some things to her as well." she continued.

He's going to go to her- he's not even going to hesitate.

Their eyes meet as he nods his head- a silent agreement.

"Miroku knows where I will be- Kagome….. I-" he stops, not sure what to say.

She just looks at him.

"It's okay." she responds.

It's NOT OKAY! STOP SAYING THIS FUCKED UP SITUATION IS OKAY!

Inuyasha picked her up swiftly-

She jerked at the sudden change- not expecting to be in his arms, before her mind can understand- they are back at Kaede's.

Ah…. Of course… can't have the human wander off… she tormented herself.

He placed her on the ground.

"I'm going to leave- whenever you're ready- Miroku can bring you to me." he spoke softly.

He turned away- glancing at the moon- before heading west.

He didn't even hesitate. The thought repeated in her mind.

Tears stung the back of her eyes.

Pain shot through her hands and she balled them into fists.

So this is what it feels like to be rejected….

She felt like she was going to scream, like she wanted to cry, but she also...felt numb.

She watched until she could no longer see him, and she continued to look over the direction he left.

Tears quietly fell from her eyes.

She wasn't sure how long she stood there- no longer feeling anything- she saw the darkness lightening.

Dawn was approaching.

She sighed- exhaustion seeping into her- she turned and went inside- crawling into her soft-firm bed.

Let's just not think anymore- no more thinking….no thoughts, just sleep- no thoughts, just sleep….

But...

She felt her heart ache at the word and she curled in on herself- clenching her jaw shut fighting back the emotions.

no thoughts, just sleep- no thoughts, just sleep

Feigning sleep until at some point, she wasn't faking anymore. Welcoming the deep- thoughtless sleep- that would save her from reality.

A/N:

Sooooo can anyone relate? :( Poor Kagome. Don't worry though- she is a strong woman- we have a way to go- but she will end up with her happily ever after….

Please remember to leave a review 3

-KKB