Steve didn't leave Natasha's side while she was sleeping off her seizure. He didn't take his eyes off of her and barely paid attention to Bucky who came by to drop off some clothes and other things for him since Steve had no idea how long it would take for Natasha to recover. But Steve did hear that Bucky was taking care of Liho and Steve was really thankful for that. He hated it that he was away so often from her and he hoped that she would forgive him when he would reunite her with Natasha one day.
He was thinking about what Strange had said and he found some comfort in the other man's belief that Natasha would remember eventually,and that he and Nat were meant to be together, but the theory that something was trying to keep her from remembering made his stomach turn. He almost wanted to travel back to Vormir to get the Red Skull talking, but he couldn't leave Natasha. He just couldn't. He had to be there for her, especially if she had another seizure.
Steve stayed by Natasha's side, not once getting up from the chair he had put next to her bed. Betty sometimes sat down next to him and both of them watched Natasha, hoping that she would wake up soon. It took Natasha 29 hours until she finally opened her eyes again. Her gaze was unfocused until it landed on him and she gave him a tired smile.
"Hi." She whispered hoarsely and he reached for the glass of water and helped her drink a few sips.
"Hi." He said softly, smiling at her. He was so relieved that she was finally awake again.
"I didn't scare you off?"
"Never gonna happen." He took her hand and pressed a kiss to it. He wanted to get up, but Natasha grabbed his hand. "I need to tell Betty that you're awake."
"Just wait a moment. I'm so sorry for putting you through this."
"You've got nothing to apologize for, sweetheart. I'm just happy that you're okay now. You are okay, right?"
Natasha nodded. "Yeah, just so incredibly tired. My head doesn't hurt though." She pushed herself up until she was leaning against the headboard of her bed. "I think I dreamed about you. We were talking about getting a life. My hair looked wrong. I had this horrible hairstyle when I woke up from my coma. I hated it and chopped the blonde part off. I have no clue why I thought it was a good hairstyle." She shook her head and Steve tried not to react to what she was saying. It wasn't just a dream, it was a memory. "I don't know why I'm talking about hair. It's not important." She gave him a shy, little smile. "Can you imagine a life with me, though? And my seizures?"
"Yes, of course!"
There was a knock on the door. "St-Grant?"
"Come in, Betty."
The door opened and Betty immediately rushed to Natasha when she saw that she was awake. She pulled her into a hug. "I was so worried about you, cookie! Don't scare me like that again!"
"I'm sorry." Natasha mumbled into Betty's shoulder.
"Don't you apologize to me, cookie."
Steve knew that Betty loved Natasha and that was why she was so harsh to him. And he could understand her and he hoped that she could understand him a bit as well.
"I'll call Stephen to let him know that you're awake." Betty said and kissed Natasha's forehead. "I'll make you your favorite casserole."
Natasha gave her friend a tired smile. "You're the best, Betty."
The older woman left the room to talk to Strange, and Natasha eyed the chair he was sitting on. "Have you been here this whole time?"
"Yes, of course."
She scooted away from him and Steve was worried for a second. Hadn't she wanted him here? She patted the empty spot on the bed next to her. "Come. That chair can't be comfy."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes." She lifted up her blankets. "Get in."
His heart fluttered in his chest and he got up the chair and slid underneath the blankets with Natasha. She immediately cuddled up to him and laid her head on his chest.
"Did you get any sleep?" She asked him softly.
"No." He answered her truthfully.
"Close your eyes, Grant. I'm okay. Get some sleep." She whispered and he saw her close her eyes herself. He took a deep breath, pulled Natasha closer to him and shut his eyes. She was okay. That was the only thing that mattered.
New York was under attack and it did feel strange to stay at home and let others do the fighting. But Steve knew that Sam, Buck and the other Avengers had everything under control and would protect the city.
Liho was over her anger with him and cuddling with him on his couch while he watched the news. He was tempted to take her with him on his next trip to Natasha, but he didn't want to trigger another seizure. Strange had theorized that Natasha would get more seizures because she would start to remember more, while Steve would love for Natasha to remember everything, he didn't want her to be in pain. Strange had said that the seizures caused no permanent damage, but Steve would never forget the helpless and pain stricken look on Natasha's face in the woods. It would haunt him forever.
Steve had wanted to go to Vormir again to talk to the Red Skull, but Strange was certain that it was pointless. Red Skull simply didn't have the powers to mess with Natasha's memories. Steve had no doubt that he would if he could though. Strange and Wong seemed to be more convinced that it was the Soul Stone, desperately trying to cling onto Natasha. It slowly seemed to disappear meaning Natasha would remember more, at least that was their theory.
He hoped that they were right because everything just seemed so confusing to him. He was just a simple soldier, he didn't really know anything about magic and mystical stones. He just wanted Natasha to get better and not be in any kind of pain.
New York City was saved and Steve met Bucky and Sam for drinks the following night after he gotten off the phone with Natasha. Sam had already noticed that Steve was doing better and seemed relieved by it. He wished that he could tell his friend that Natasha was back, but he couldn't. Not at the moment. The more people knew about her, the more she was in danger. Steve knew that he could trust Sam and he did, but he had to keep the circle small. He wouldn't even have told Bucky about Natasha if he hadn't followed him to her village.
Sam and Bucky told him about what had happened last night and Steve noticed that he didn't miss the action at all. That part of his life was over. He just wanted to counsel, draw and spend the rest of his life with Natasha. He really didn't want to be an Avenger anymore.
Steve's phone vibrated on the table and he picked it up to check. He smiled when he read Natasha's text.
I'm going to bed now. Good night and sweet dreams:*
He wished her a good night as well. He knew that Natasha had to get to bed early to help out in the bakery.
"What got you smiling?" Sam stared at him in disbelief. "If I didn't know it any better, I'd say you met someone." Steve shared a look with Bucky. "Wait, did you?!"
"Kinda." Steve said eventually. He always hated lying and Sam deserved at least a bit of the truth. So he gave him a half-truth. "But it's not what you think. I like her, but it's not romantic. We're friends."
Steve liked Lena, but he loved Natasha. And she was still there, pushing Lena away more and more.
"Okay, wow!" Sam shook his head. "That's...I would have never guessed that. I'm glad for you, though."
"Thanks." Steve forced a smile. He hated being in a situation like this and he hoped that Sam wouldn't be too mad with him when he would find out the truth.
Sam looked like he wanted to know more about his new friend, but could sense that it was all that Steve was going to stay about the topic.
Bucky changed the topic and told Sam about his date that Steve had completely forgotten about. He'd never asked Buck how it went, his mind too occupied with Natasha's return. He hadn't been a good friend to Buck, he hadn't been a good friend to any of his friends in the last nine months. He had to change that. They were his family and he loved them. He had to do something for Sam and Bucky, he just didn't know what yet. Maybe a trip, just the three of them going on a road trip. He'd plan it as soon as Natasha was doing better. He just didn't want to be too far away from her in her current state. There was always the risk that someone could find her and come for her, and he had to be close to protect her.
They went to the movies afterwards and Steve couldn't even remember the last time he went to the theater. It definitely had been before Leipzig. The movie was better than they'd expected since the other choices had been action movies and none of them were in the mood for that genre.
"We should do that more often." Bucky said after they'd left the theater.
"Yes." Sam agreed and Steve nodded.
"We'll do it again the next time you're back in the city, Sam."
"Sounds good." Sam studied him for a second. "I'm really happy to see you're doing okay, Steve."
"Me, too." Steve smiled a little. " And I'm going to be a better friend. To both of you. I know I haven't been easy to deal with in the last months."
"You lost Natasha." Sam said gently. "And Tony. It's understandable."
"You lost them, too. You a- were close to Nat as well."
"That's the first time you said her name since the funeral." Sam seemed surprised. "You really do seem to get a little bit better."
"I'm trying, Sam."
Steve and Bucky watched Sam get into his Uber that would take him back to his hotel. Bucky turned to look at Steve, he didn't need to say anything, Steve knew what his best friend was thinking.
"I will tell him. Eventually."
Bucky sighed. "I know. I just don't like keeping this from Sam, but don't worry, I won't tell him." Steve knew that and he hated that Bucky had to lie to Sam, he was his friend as well. "How is she?"
"Good." Steve started to smile. "She's back at full strength and trying new recipes for Betty's bakery."
It was a warm spring day and Natasha was waiting outside the bakery for him, a basket by her feet. She'd theorized that the helmet had caused her seizure, so there would be no more trips on his bike in the foreseeable future since he couldn't tell her about the actual reason.
She smiled brightly at him and gave him a long hug when he got off his bike. He spotted Betty in the bakery, waving at her, and she waved back. She had warmed up to him a little bit.
"Hi." He said softly and brushed her hair out of her face.
"Hey." She beamed up at him. "You want to have a picnic?" She bent down and picked up the basket from the floor.
"That's a great idea, sweetheart." He took the basket from her.
Natasha linked her arm with his and told him about a little gazebo behind the village that she'd liked to have the picnic at. He thought it sounded perfect and even a bit romantic. While he had some reservations about going further with Natasha, and he didn't even mean the physical part, he just wanted to have a real relationship with her.
Yes, the whole situation confused him sometimes and he was scared that she would get another seizure, even though he knew deep down that they had to happen, he wanted to go further with her. They had to, or they would be stuck in this kind of limbo forever. And it wasn't fair to Natasha, she deserved to remember everything and then to decide how she wanted to live.
Her hand moved down his arm during their walk out of town until she reached his hand and laced their fingers together. He gave her hand a squeeze and smiled at her. He told her that he'd gone out with his friends and Natasha replied that she would love to meet them one day. He could only nod in return.
The gazebo wasn't occupied and they had it all to themselves. Natasha had made them sandwiches and packed two slices of cheesecake that she'd made herself. And it was the best cheesecake he'd ever eaten in his entire life. Sorry, Ma.
They talked again about what had happened in the woods and she asked him again if he was sure that he would be able to handle her seizures and that she had a life before him that she couldn't remember.
"I'm all in, sweetheart. Nothing can push me away."
Natasha gave him a beautiful smile and reached across the table to hold his hand.
"Before I met you, I was dreaming about a man. I don't remember much of him, just that he made me feel safe and-" Her cheeks turned pinked. "Loved. I don't know what I believed in before, but I believe now that I sensed that you would be coming into my life. I think I foresaw it. I dreamed about you."
He had to close his eyes for a moment. They had wasted so much time. He should have told her years ago that he loved her. He should have stayed longer on Vormir and looked for her.
"My ma always told me that I had to be patient, that I would find someone one day, that I had to wait for the right person. I didn't believe her because no one looked twice at me and gave up all hope until...until I met you. My ma told me to wait for you."
Natasha stood up from the bench and walked around the table to him. She sat down on his lap and buried her face in his neck. He just loved how affectionate she was with him. That she didn't hold back with him. He had longed to be close to her for a decade. He rubbed his hands over her back and she sighed.
Natasha turned to look at him. "Betty changed her mind about you. Says you're a good man. And that you care a lot about me."
"I do." He whispered.
She smiled like she was delighted by what he said and then she leaned towards him, almost like she wanted to kiss him. "Can I?" She murmured quietly, her gaze on his lips.
He wanted to tell her yes because he was dying to kiss her, but the ringing of his phone ruined the moment.
"Fuck!" He groaned and Natasha chuckled, but she looked annoyed as well. "Sorry, I have to take this."
Fury was calling him and Steve tensed. He hadn't talked to Fury since the day he'd found out that Natasha was still alive. He doubted that Fury was calling because of good news.
"Yes?"
"Are you with Romanoff?"
"Yes."
"I need you to get her to a safe house. We have reason to believe that her return has been potentially uncovered. We don't know how or by whom, but there are whispers about her that I don't like."
Steve felt like he couldn't breathe. This was his worst nightmare. The only thing he could focus on was Natasha. He had to keep her safe.
"What?"
"Where are you?" He told Fury about the gazebo and Natasha looked at him with worried eyes. "Hill will be shortly there with a car. You take that car and you take Natasha to that safe house, got that, Rogers? You protect her with your life, got it?"
"Yes, sir." Fury didn't need to tell him twice.
"What's wrong?" Natasha asked him after he hung up.
Steve couldn't tell her that she was in danger. That would open the door for questions he couldn't answer right now because a seizure would just make everything worse.
"I need to leave." He said and Natasha looked like she got slapped. "I need to get to a safe house. I told you about the work I did for the Army, and it looks like it's catching up with me. There's a possibility that someone's after me."
"I'm coming with you." She said immediately like he had hoped. He had no idea how he would get her to come with him otherwise.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm all in."
"Okay." He explained to her that someone was coming to here to bring them a car and that he would take them to a safe house where they would be hidden and safe. "I won't let anything happen to you, I swear."
"I know." She said softly. "I'm not worried about me, I'm worried about you."
He pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I don't deserve you."
"I get to decide that." She replied. "I need to tell Betty that I'm leaving town for a while."
Steve suspected that she already knew about it or would know soon about it.
"The agent who brings the car will tell her, I promise you. But we need to leave immediately. We'll have everything we need at the safe house." Knowing Fury, he'd prepared and stocked the safe house when he'd taken Natasha to this village.
"Okay."
Steve texted Buck to let him now that he had to disappear for a while to protect Natasha and asked him to take care of Liho. Steve didn't like that he was leaving the little furball behind for now, but he had no choice. He had to keep Liho's mom safe. He turned off his phone and told Natasha to do the same. They would have to leave their phones with Hill, the risk of someone finding them that way was too high.
Maria arrived a few minutes later, a brief smile flickering over her face when her gaze landed on Natasha. Steve figured that it was the first time she was seeing Natasha after her death. The car was an old SUV without any modern technology so no one could track them.
"There's a map in the glove box which will lead you to your location." Hill said, she had introduced herself as Agent Smith to Natasha. "The house is stocked with supplies and clothes for a few months." Hill's gaze flickered to Natasha. "We don't think you'll be there that long." She said kindly. "No internet, but you got a satellite phone and radio. And tons of books and DVDs."
Maria handed him the car and house keys and Natasha asked her to tell Betty that she would be gone for some time and not to worry too much. Hill promised to talk to her as soon as she and Steve would be on the road.
The safe house was in Pennsylvania and it would take them over six hours to get there. He could see from the map that it was in a wooded area and away from cities, so they could hide there without anyone stumbling across them.
"I'm so sorry about this." Steve said when they left the state of New York.
"Don't be." Natasha said and laid her hand on his knee. "I'm here out of my own will."
No, he had tricked her into coming with him and she didn't even know that she was the one in potential danger. Not him. He hated everything about this and he felt so fucking sorry about it.
"I'm still very sorry."
He had lied more in the last two months than he'd had in his entire life. He hated it and his ma wouldn't be happy about it. She had raised him to be always honest.
"I want to be with you. I would worry too much about you if you had gone without me. I promise I'll do my best not to get a seizure."
"Oh, sweetheart, don't worry about that. We'll be perfectly safe at that house and I'll do anything to keep you safe." He took one hand off the steering wheel to hold Natasha's hand. "Everything will be fine."
Natasha fell asleep and Steve tried to figure out how anyone could suspect that Natasha was still alive. Had anyone beside him seen her? Had someone followed him to her? He knew that Bucky hadn't said a word and the village seemed to care about Natasha. Fury, Hill and Strange also didn't tell anyone about Natasha's return. Had someone seen her when she had been in Albany with Betty? It wasn't good if anyone would find real proof that Natasha was alive. As long as she didn't remember her life and training, she was defenseless. And he knew that there were too many people who would love to take advantage of that.
It was the middle of the night when they reached the safe house. It was a cabin in the middle of nowhere, but close enough to the highway to flee if they had to. It almost looked cozy and peaceful, but Steve knew that the windows were bullet-proof and the armory full of weapons.
"Sweetheart, wake up." He said softly and brushed Natasha's hair out of her face. "We're here."
"Hm?" Natasha blinked her eyes open. "Already? I wanted to take a turn so you could rest!"
"It's okay. I don't need much sleep."
"Right, superhero." She grinned and looked around. "I didn't know how to picture safe houses, but I didn't think they would be this cute. It looks like a weekend cabin." She gave him a sly smile that was so much Natasha. "A cabin for a romantic getaway."
He shook his head and laughed. "I don't know how romantic it will be, but I try."
Since they didn't have any luggage with them, they could just get into the house. He used the key that Hill had given him and unlocked the door. Downstairs was the kitchen, a living room area, and another room that was stocked with food and weapons. One wall was covered in TV screens that revealed that cameras were watching the entire area around the cabin and Steve immediately turned on the motion detectors. Natasha seemed uneasy when she spotted the assault rifles, grenades and Kevlar vests, but tried not to show it. The basement had a panic room and more supplies. Upstairs was a bedroom and bathroom. The closets were filled with clothes for him and Natasha.
"I'll take the sofa." Steve immediately said after they discovered there was only one bedroom and therefore only one bed.
"No." Natasha shook her head.
"You are not sleeping on the couch!"
"I didn't say I was going to. We are both sleeping in the bed. We're a couple." Natasha smiled a little. "Couples sleep in the same bed, honey."
"Are you sure? I don't want you to feel like you have to offer it."
"I am sure. I trust you and I want to sleep next to you."
"Okay." He smiled, secretly very happy about this development in their relationship.
"Do you mind if I take the first shower?" Natasha asked and he told her to go for it.
She went to the closet to find something to wear and was amazed that all of the women's clothes were in her size. She kissed his cheek before she disappeared into the bathroom. Soon he heard the water getting turned on and he walked to the window to memorize the area. He had already looked around when they'd arrived, but he had to know every possible escape route. Then he went downstairs to take a closer look at the security system and the arsenal of weapons. The water got turned off and Steve went back upstairs. Natasha came out of the bathroom, wearing a light wool sweater and leggings. Her hair was still wet and wavy. She almost looked like she'd had in Sam's bathroom all those years ago when he'd started to see her in a different light.
"Bathroom's yours."
He quickly pulled a t shirt and sweatpants out of the closet and went into the bathroom for a quick shower. Natasha was sitting on the bed when he came back into the room. She was flipping through a coffee table book.
"Are you okay?" He asked her.
"Yes. Stop worrying about me. Are you okay?" She asked softly and he shrugged his shoulders. He wasn't really okay. "Come here." She put the book on the night stand and opened her arms. He climbed onto the bed and pulled Natasha into a hug.
"I can't stop worrying about you. I hate that you're in this situation."
"I am where you are, honey. I need to see with my own two eyes that you're okay and safe." She rested her forehead against his. "I just want to be with you. I don't care where that is. You didn't leave my side after my seizure, and now I am by your side. I love you." She whispered and his breath got caught in his throat.
He couldn't believe his own ears. He forgot that she thought that he was Grant and she was Lena. In this moment they were Steve and Natasha.
"I love you, too. So much, sweetheart."
Natasha smiled happily and cupped his face. "As long as we're together, everything's gonna be okay." She whispered and pressed her soft lips against his, kissing all his worries away until she was the only thing on his mind.