There's no escaping it that night, as the ten of them are all gathered around the fire in a land that Charlie is completely unfamiliar with (as well as everyone else). The land is barren, but there are still a few trees and some dying foliage, and a brown mountain range surrounds them and keeps the wind from blowing out their fire.
Thankfully, it's not as cold as it was on the western continent, so far north, and the flames dry her clothes, though they still feel heavy. She's hung her socks to dry, however, after washing them as best she can. Cid had warned her of the dangers of walking long distances in soaking wet socks, and it had disgusted her too much, but at least he got a laugh out of it.
Everyone is needling her for a real explanation as to what happened when the Turks brought her back to Midgar, but she isn't going to just tell them everything that happened.
It's none of their business, and they don't need to know how Tseng had broken her. They don't need to know that she and Rufus had held each other in their sleep, and had sought comfort with kisses. They don't need to know that she and Rufus had shared a bed only last night, and that she had let him touch her after she was too tired to keep up her protests.
"You're mine, Charlie. Mine. Doesn't that feel good? I love you, don't you know that? Don't you love me? Tell me, Charlie, tell me that you love me."
"I do. I do love you. I've always loved you."
"No one's going to keep us apart now. Never again. Do you like that? Tell me again. Tell me you love me, please."
"I love you, I love you, I love you."
Funny how something so simple can affect her brother so much. Three simple words that any lucky woman in the world would probably shower him with if given the chance.
But part of her doesn't want that. She doesn't want any other woman to have her brother. He's supposed to love her.
A sudden pang of fear shoots through her. Fear and panic and jealousy and shame. It feels as if everyone knows what she's thinking, like everyone knows what she's done. She wants to curl up in a ball and die.
"Rufus put me in a cell in the Shinra Building for a week or two, and then he let me go and tried to bring me to Nibelheim," she says, shrugging her shoulders. "And then we ended up in Rocket Town."
"That's it?" Cloud asks, the Buster Sword stuck in the ground beside him. "They kept you prisoner for a few days and let you go?"
Charlie nods, offering him a small and false smile. They could never understand how much pain was inflicted on her just by Tseng's cold and casual confession. They could never understand how much more painful that was to her than any method of torture they could have thought up for her.
"I didn't say anything," she adds quickly, looking around the doubtful expressions on her friends' faces, "I didn't tell them anything about you."
"So you're here to stay, then?" Barret says, looking right at her over the fire. "You're gonna join our hunt for Sephiroth? You're gonna save the planet with us?" He scoffs and shakes his head, as if the situation is unbelievable. "You owe the planet a debt, Shinra. This would be a fine way to atone."
Charlie blushes. Truthfully, she doesn't really think she owes the planet anything—personally—nor does she have anything to atone for. She just wants to be good. She wants to be happy. She wants to find out who she is, who she can be, without the weight of high expectations crushing her spirit.
Everyone seems to be waiting for her answer, and when she looks up again, it's to find Cid looking right back at her. She's so happy to see him again, to have him here with her, that she could cry.
"If you'll have me," she says softly.
"For a price," Aerith teases, just as Cloud opens his mouth to speak. "Welcome aboard, Charlie."
The breath escapes her without her permission, and suddenly she's feeling choked up. This sense of acceptance, of welcome, it's not what she's used to. She's a Shinra—she's their sworn enemy, and here they are welcoming her with open arms, as their companion, as their friend.
She needs to get away before she starts to cry in front of them. Charlie gets abruptly to her feet and clears her throat, brushing herself off. "I'm going to get some more wood for the fire," she announces, meeting Cid's eyes and trying in vain to hide a shy smile as she slips her boots on.
"I'll go with you—" Cait Sith begins, but Cid stands up quick, holding out a hand.
"Sit your ass down, cat. I'll go with her."
Charlie stifles a smile, biting down on her bottom lip. At least she hasn't pushed him away completely.
Cid clicks on a flashlight, and steps up to Charlie's side. They wander into a small thicket of trees, where they'll certainly find firewood, but Charlie doesn't like not being able to see his face.
They walk in silence for a while, very slowly, side by side. Charlie finds that she doesn't know where to begin. She doesn't know what to say to him, and she isn't sure he's forgiven her yet for everything that's happened. She's done him wrong and apologized, and isn't it all she can do now to be good to him? To be kind? To prove that she isn't like her brother, or like her father?
"You gonna tell me what the hell's goin' on?" he finally asks, shining the light on some sticks that Charlie gathers. It's only a few. She didn't really come out to gather firewood to begin with.
"Maybe," she answers coyly, catching a sliver of his face when they move just right, the moon shining down through the canopy of leaves overhead. "Tell me what happened with Tseng."
Cid groans, rubbing the back of his neck. "He came to see if you were hidin' out at my house," he answers, sounding far less mad about it than Charlie thinks he should.
"So he just beat you for no reason?"
"Well . . . it's embarrassing, Lottie. Don't make me say it."
She stops, turning to face him and lifting an eyebrow. "Why would it be embarrassing? Just tell me."
"I don't wanna."
"Why? What do you think I'll do?"
"Fine! Fine—he found a dirty magazine in my bedroom," Cid begins awkwardly, groaning and tugging at his collar. He lowers the flashlight to the ground to hide his face. "It was one with you on the cover, where you're sittin' on that goddamn throne."
Charlie swallows her laughter for his sake. "I don't think that's embarrassing," she replies. "I think it's flattering, and very sweet."
"You're makin' it worse," he growls. "And anyway, now you gotta tell me all your secrets. You owe me after the beatin' I took for you." Cid starts moving again, picking up a few sticks at his feet. "Actually, that makes three."
"Three?" she asks, frowning.
"Yeah, the one that suit gave me on the ride back home from base camp, the one in the bar that you were there for, and then the second beatin' from that damn suit again."
Her heart flutters. "What do you mean? He's hurt you before?"
Cid grumbles to himself. "Forget I said anythin', okay?"
She wants to ask more questions, like why he had even been hit the first time, but she doesn't want to push her luck, not after they've just been reunited. "It's really good to see you again, Cid. I could really use a friend right now."
"Is that what we are? Friends?"
He's teasing her, and she knows it, but his words hit a little too close to home. It's just enough to be the straw that breaks her back, and Charlie buries her face into her hands and starts to cry.
"Whoa, whoa—I was just jokin' with you. What's wrong with you that you can't take a joke anymore?" She hears the crunching of the ground beneath Cid's boots, and his hand comes down on her back gently. "Lottie, what did they do to you?"
"Nothing," she answers. "It's nothing."
"Come on, don't do that to me." Cid sighs heavily, moving his hand to the nape of her neck and giving her a reassuring squeeze before pulling away from her. "You can lie to them out there. I don't care 'bout that. I don't care 'bout them. But don't lie to me."
Charlie lowers her hands from her face, able to see only half of Cid's face with the way he's holding the flashlight. It's the good part of his face. It's the handsome part, the healthy part, the unbeaten part.
She considers it for a moment, considers telling him the truth, but she doesn't quite think he would understand. But isn't lying what got her into the position in the first place? If she had told Reeve the truth from the very beginning, he might never have left, and she might never have had to run away.
"I don't want to talk about it," she says quietly. "Can I ask you something?"
"Okay."
Why are you being so nice to me? Why aren't you mad at me? Why aren't you tearing me a new one for lying to you about the space program? How can you stand there and look at me like I'm worth something to you?
Charlie looks away. There's no way she's going to ask something so stupid. "Never mind. Let's go back."
"Well, hang on! You can't just do that!" He drops the sticks in his left hand, grabbing her by the arm. "What're you so afraid of? You think I'm gonna laugh at you or somethin'?"
"No, that's not it," she protests, squirming in his grip. "Please, I don't want to talk about it."
"If you wanna be friends, then you gotta give me somethin' to work with."
Charlie stops her fidgeting, holding the sticks against her chest. "I don't want to go back," she tells him seriously. "I don't want the Turks to take me back."
Cid squeezes her arm. "I ain't gonna let that happen."
"Okay." She looks down at her feet. "We should go back before someone thinks we've run away together."
He laughs to himself. "Yeah. We wouldn't want anyone to think that, huh?"
They walk all morning, moving north up the land mass they've beached at, following the coast. Cid is wary about leaving the Tiny Bronco behind, but no one is ready to sail around for hours again in the hopes they find a coastal town to restock at. With everyone against him, he's left with no choice but to follow.
By mid-afternoon, Yuffie claims that she's familiar with the area and promises to bring them to a nearby town. Cloud, Barret, Nanaki, and Tifa go with her to scout ahead, clearing the way for the rest of their friends to follow without worrying about monsters. Cid takes it as a slight, but he doesn't yet have a weapon with him, having left Rocket Town in such a hurry, so guard duty is left primarily to Vincent and Aerith, though they encounter no trouble.
Cait Sith leads them onward, hopping along and setting a pace that agrees with everyone, though his priority seems to be Charlie and Aerith's comfort more so than Cid or Vincent's. He's been unusually quiet today, but perhaps even toys have off days, Charlie supposes, and she isn't going to complain.
Cid and Vincent walk side by side a little ways behind Cait Sith. Vincent always seems to have his hand close to the gun on his hip, and she hasn't been able to really get a good look at his face, hidden behind his hair and collar, but Charlie thinks he looks familiar. But he listens silently to Cid ramble about nothing in particular, and sometimes glances over his shoulder as if to make sure they're still being followed by their remaining companions.
Charlie and Aerith bring up the rear, walking rather slowly, keeping a fair bit of distance from Vincent and Cid. Aerith talks for a little while about what they learned at Cosmo Canyon, and continues to talk about Nibelheim afterwards, and the strange circumstances in which they had found Vincent.
Afterwards, she expresses sincere condolences in regards to Charlie's mother.
For the first time, Charlie turns to look at her. Aerith's eyes are wide and sad, and Charlie forces herself to smile. "It's okay," she rasps. "I didn't really know my mother anyway."
Truthfully, too much has happened in the past few days for Charlie to focus on Aerith's seemingly impossible story. It's not like she knows anything about Nibelheim, and she doesn't really understand what Sephiroth is up to or why Cloud and his friends are chasing after him.
She can find that out later, when she's able to sit Cloud down and really put him to the question.
Rufus had wanted to find Sephiroth presumably for revenge, to capture the man who killed their father. But hadn't Tseng mentioned they were on the verge of a discovery? Could it have been the location of the Temple of the Ancients? What's there that Sephiroth could possibly want? Knowledge? Power? Materia? Weapons?
It makes her head hurt, thinking about it all.
Charlie finds herself watching Cid far more than she cares to admit. She's always admired the way he struts around, power walking everywhere he goes, holding his chin up high in the air. He thinks he's the most important person around for miles. Maybe he is.
It makes her feel slightly guilty. She misses Reeve far more than she can say, and when she falls asleep at night, she always wonders if she'll wake in her own bed, in Midgar, with Reeve's chest tucked against her back, and none of this will have happened. She wants him to know that she's thinking of him, that she wishes she could wake him with kisses again.
"Keep up, ladies!" Cid calls over his shoulder to them once.
"We're just enjoying the view!" Aerith teases, completely unabashed despite her comment knocking the wind out of Charlie.
The heat rises to her cheeks when Cid looks back and smiles right at her.
"You and Cid know each other pretty well, huh?" Aerith asks, looping her arm through Charlie's.
She flinches, but doesn't pull away completely. "Not really. We only worked together for a little bit."
"Hey! This ain't the time for girl talk!" Cid calls to them again, and both Charlie and Aerith smile, putting their heads together and laughing softly. Charlie's heart isn't really in it, but it's the best she's felt in days, or possibly weeks. "I know you're talkin' 'bout me back there. Hope you're not tellin' her anythin' bad, Lottie."
"That's a bold assumption, Captain," Charlie replies, and she watches as Cid's smile widens, his eyebrows lifting to his hairline. "Believe it or not, there are more important things for us to discuss than you."
"What's more important than me?" Cid asks, stopping abruptly as the phone in his pocket begins to ring. Cloud had entrusted their second phone to Cid after he had thrown a fit about not being given a weapon. He holds it up and waits for everyone to gather around him, answering the call. "This is your captain speaking, Cid Highwind at your service."
Charlie rolls her eyes, but it only makes Cid smile as Cloud's voice sounds from the other end of the line.
"Bad news. Just ran into some Shinra troops—"
"What?" Charlie interrupts, looking around at her friends. Had Rufus sent them? How did they know that she was here? "What were they doing?"
"I don't think they were looking for you. They didn't expect to see us," Cloud answers, and Charlie exhales loudly, reaching for a gun that she doesn't have anymore. "But don't worry about that. We took care of the troops. We've got a bigger problem now."
"Bigger than Shinra troops huntin' us down?" Cid asks.
"Yeah. Yuffie took our materia and ran off."
The five of them are quiet for a moment, but Aerith is the one to break it. "We're going after her, aren't we?"
There's another moment of silence, and Charlie can hear Cloud sighing very heavily. "She headed north. We're going to go ahead. We'll call when we find something."
The moment Cid puts the phone away, Cait Sith holds his head in his little hands and groans. "She's been after our materia the whole time!" he groans.
"Then let's go after her," Vincent suggests, putting a hand on his hip and looking very much like that's the last thing he wants to do. "Cloud said she was going north."
They must have been moving very slowly, because not two hours later, Cloud calls again to let them know they've found Wutai on the other side of the mountain range. After that, they begin to pick up the pace, following the footprints in the earth left behind by their companions.
Before they're forced to pass a rickety wooden bridge that rocks back and forth between two mountains, Charlie hesitates. Vincent goes first without looking back, as if it's the easiest thing in the world. She envies his courage, but when she voices this to Cait Sith, he tells her that there's hardly a difference between bravery and foolishness.
"That almost sounds like something I would expect from a fortune teller," she says, remembering the first fortune that Cait Sith had given her at the Gold Saucer.
"I've got my good days and my bad days, love," Cait replies, wiggling his ears at her.
When Vincent makes it across, he calls for someone else to come. Aerith volunteers, moving much slower than Vincent had.
Charlie's panic is beginning to set in again. "Maybe I shouldn't go," she tells both Cid and Cait Sith, chewing on her lower lip. "I mean . . . Shinra troops, Wutai . . . I don't want to cause any trouble."
"Well, we ain't just gonna leave you here," Cid answers, scoffing as if the idea is ridiculous.
"Don't worry," Cait Sith reassures her, waving back at Aerith as she makes it to the other side, raising a hand to encourage someone else to follow. "We'll get to Wutai, put you somewhere safe and out of sight, and you can lay low while we find Yuffie. I'll go across first."
Charlie still hesitates, afraid to go across the bridge. She's afraid that it will break (she's had terrible luck lately) and she'll fall to her death. She's afraid that she'll be shot and killed upon setting foot in Wutai. She's afraid that Shinra troops will find her and bring her back to Midgar for the beating of her life and another round of imprisonment.
"Lottie," Cid says into her ear. "Your turn, honey. I'll be right behind you."
She shakes her head, stepping backwards. "No, I can't. I'll wait for you to come back—"
"We're not gonna leave you behind," Cid says again, putting a hand between her shoulder blades and guiding her towards the bridge. "No one's gonna let anythin' happen to you, okay? I told you last night, I ain't gonna let anyone take you back to Midgar, got it?"
Charlie looks into his face, nodding slightly. "Okay," she says, believing him. "Okay, I'll go."
"All right. Don't look down. I'll be right behind you."
She almost reaches out to hold his hand, to give her strength, to give her courage. Curling her hands into fists at her sides, Charlie looks at Vincent, Cait Sith, and Aerith on the other side of the bridge.
"Cid, I think I'm going to have a panic—"
His warm and rough hand wraps around her left one, slowly loosening her fist and holding tight. Charlie glances down at their hands and looks up again, blushing heatedly.
"No, you're not," he tells her, as if his word is law. "We're gonna go across this fuckin' bridge and the two more I can see from here, and we're gonna go to fuckin' Wutai and get our fuckin' materia back from that dumb kid, okay?"
She doesn't even know what to say. He says it so firmly, so confidently, that it would be useless to argue with him. "Okay."
"And when we get our materia back, we're gonna go to this goddamn Temple of the Ancients, confront that son of a bitch Sephiroth, and then you and I are gonna fix up the Tiny Bronco and I'm gonna take you for a real goddamn ride in it."
Charlie smiles sheepishly, squeezing his hand. "Okay."
"You ready to cross this goddamn bridge?"
"Yeah," she answers breathlessly. "Okay, let's go."