The Disappointment
Sirius Black was awash with disappointment. It was the subtle sort, the kind that started out small before it built into a beast all its own and utterly devoured him. He supposed he should be thankful that it wasn't Hufflepuff, but the blue raven now emblazoned on his chest felt heavier than the lion he had so desperately wanted and he wanted nothing more than to rip it off.
He hung to the back of the group -his new housemates- as they were led out of the Great Hall and towards their house dormitory. He already knew where it was located, having spent every waking moment for the last two weeks reading every book he could on Hogwarts, but the staircase seemed so much steeper in real life.
The prefect led them higher and higher into the belly of the castle, turning left and right and then left and right again, before she stopped in front of a plain door. There was no knob, no latch or keyhole or secret lever, only a large bronze knocker in the shape of an eagle. The first years clumped together, excited energy passing between them like a plague. The girl closest to him bounced up and down on her toes, hands clasped together in front of her stomach as she tried to see over the tall boy in front of her.
Sirius watched her, disappointment bubbling up once again, worse than ever.
"To get inside, you have to answer a riddle," The prefect said, holding out her hands in a sweeping motion to hush the excitable group. They all moved closer, crowding each other and the door. Sirius leaned back against the curved wall, a burning feeling settling in his chest. "Who wants to go first?"
He wasn't meant to be here, in this tower so far above the earth and away from what he understood and knew.
He was supposed to be a Gryffindor. It was the only thing shameful enough that his parents would take notice. A little lion amongst snakes, a red son that had once been all he thought about and was now nothing more than a simmering disappointment.
"Alice? How about you?"
The girl next to him let out a small squeak at being singled out. She unclasped her hands and smoothed out her dark hair, compulsively straightening the spiky ends until it laid flat against her head. "Me?"
"Just step up and answer the riddle," The prefect said, taking on an encouraging tone as she coaxed Alice to step to the front of the group. She glanced around her, pausing when she saw Sirius leaning back against the wall. They looked at each other for a moment, Sirius unable to stop the scowl on his face from forming. She turned away from him and stepped through the crowd, motions shaky and hesitant.
The others parted for her, moving to give her just enough space that she could square herself in front of the door to wait.
And wait.
And wait for a little longer as the open-mouthed eagle stared her down.
What can never talk but will always reply when spoken to?
The voice floated over them, soft and full of wisdom. It filled the circular stairwell landing, tangling all around them like a warm ribbon.
Alice looked around, blue eyes wide and mouth popped open.
The other first years started to mumble, leaning closer to each other to debate the answer back and forth, as Alice turned back to the door. She squared her shoulders and stepped forward, pale hand outstretched to touch the tip of the eagle's beak. "An echo."
The door creaked open and Sirius got a glimpse of brilliant blue, a crackling heath, and an endless night sky before Alice stepped inside and closed the door behind her.
"Who's next?"
The first years clamored forward, elbowing each other to stand in front of the door and answer their own riddle.
I am lighter than a feather, yet the strongest man cannot hold me forever. What am I?
I have many keys but cannot open a single lock. What am I?
I am with you always and follow your every move, but you will never touch me or catch me. What am I?
One by one his new housemates answered their riddles and disappeared behind the door, the group dwindling down until there were only a few of them left. The warmth of the disembodied voice kept filling the space until Sirius felt sweat spring up on the back of his neck. He stepped back, nearly falling backwards down the stairs.
As if the disappointment of being a Ravenclaw wasn't already burning a hole straight through him, he realized, standing there and watching them all answer the riddles with ease, that he was also destined to be a stupid one as well. The bronze eagle seemed to mock him, to stare straight through him and come to the same conclusion he already had.
He wasn't meant to be here.
Before he was the only one left and they would notice he was gone, Sirius turned around and hurried down the spiral staircase, the bronze eagle watching his back as he went until he was out of sight and free of the oppressive warmth of the riddles he would never be able to answer. By the time he reached the Entrance Hall he was practically sprinting. The courtyard, still accessible to him for at least another few minutes, offered him the respite he needed in the form of fresh air.
He stopped in the middle, hands on his knees and chest heaving, as he gulped in as much cool air as possible.
His parents would know soon. They would know that he didn't try hard enough to be a disappointment to them and ended up being a disappointment to himself.
They wouldn't mind Ravenclaw.
They could tell their friends that their son was clever and smart and destined to be a bright star in the Black family constellation.
They could tell the world whatever they wanted, but Sirius would still know the truth.
He was meant to be a Gryffindor.
"Are you going to pass out?"
A pale hand appeared in front of his face. The person snapped their fingers, moving closer to him until he was forced to stand back up to avoid being hit in the face.
She was a blip of a girl, with pale blonde hair that clashed horribly with the bright yellow trimming of her Hufflepuff tie and sweater. On each of her shoulders and on top of her head were the tiniest owls he had ever seen. She also, quite clearly, did not understand personal space when she stepped as close to him as possible and pressed her cold fingers into the side of his neck.
"Oi!"
"Just checking." She stepped back and folded her arms over her chest. "Sirius, right?"
"Yes?"
"I'm Mavis." She held out her hand, clearly indicating for him to shake it, but he was far too preoccupied with the owls handing off her like ornaments to do so. "Oh, right. They've been having a little trouble eating so I thought I would bring them inside for a few nights."
"Is that allowed?"
"I did help raise them," Mavis said, voice bordering on indignant as if he was supposed to know what on earth she was talking about. "Why are you out here?"
"None of your business," He snapped, feeling a touch of guilt when her eyebrows drew together in a tight line.
She made a noise at the back of her throat and looked around, large eyes reminding him very much of the owls. "Are you coming to meet the other boy?"
"What other boy?"
"The one with all the scars. I saw him when I was walking back from the Owlery."
"No. And no offense, I just came out here to clear my head and be alone, so if you could…"
"You know, saying no offense right before saying something offensive doesn't really help."
"You're incredibly annoying."
"So, why do you need to clear your head?" She asked completely ignoring the insult. Her left shoulder dipping down slightly as the owl moved closer to her hair. It pressed against her neck, leaving only a pair of large eyes and its clawed feet sticking out.
"You know you have poo on your arm, right?" Sirius said, desperately hoping that the odd girl would leave him be. She glanced down at the arm he gestured to, a pleasant smile on her face when she caught sight of it, like she was looking at a flower petal or a drop of rain and not a smear of owl shite.
"I guess I do. Are you upset about your house placement?"
"None of your business," He said again, frustration rising.
He didn't think it was too much to ask to be free from bloody birds for five measly little minutes, but apparently it just wasn't his night. Mavis stared at him, eyes moving over his face and looking at him in a manner very similar to the bronze eagle. But now, instead of one nosy bird, he had three, four if he included the bird-brained girl in front of him, staring at him.
After a moment, she finally relented, lips pursed. "Fine."
"Fine."
"Fine."
The glared at each other.
"Mr. Black, Miss Fawley, what are you doing out so late?"
"Sorry Professor Dumbledore, I was visiting the Owlery and noticed a few of the hatchlings were a bit peakish. Sirius was sending a letter home to tell them the good news of his Sorting and he stayed to talk to me while I finished up." The lie flowed from her as easily as water from a faucet and Sirius had to remind himself that it was in his best interest to play along. Even if it went against every fiber of his being, he nodded and tried not to look too guilty under Dumbledore's twinkling gaze.
The 'good' news.
What absolute and total bollocks.
There was nothing good about telling his parents that he was a Ravenclaw, nothing good that would come from it. He felt panic building deep in his gut. He had planned to go home in a blaze of glory, decked out in red and ready to fight with whoever about whatever. He wanted to be a blood-traitor to them, to be the subject of constant scorn and hate. Because he felt that way about them, with every single part of him, he hated who they were and what they stood for.
He wanted to be a disappointment to them.
Their greatest shame and worse nightmare.
And now, thanks to a stupid hat and his stupid self for being too stupid to push harder, he wasn't sure he would be a disappointment to them at all.
Even worse still, they might even find it within themselves to be proud just to spite him.
"Allow me to introduce you to your newest classmate," Dumbledore said, looking at Sirius longer than Mavis as he stepped to the side and revealed a boy, pale as the moon and covered in scars. "Remus Lupin."