How To Subvert a Prophecy, or, Who Says Bad Teachers Teach Nothing?

"Tonight, before midnight... the servant will break free and set out to rejoin his master

… break free and set out to rejoin his master

… break free and set out to rejoin his master"

Nope. Not a chance. Not if Harry could do anything about it. He felt his back straighten as he thought of a way to subvert that drunken hag's ravings.

"Brackium emendo!" When the rat-man's arm went floppy, Harry grinned. He quickly pointed to the other three limbs and repeated. He'd heard that this man, this Pettigrew, had beytrayed all that was good and joined Voldemort. Then he hid as a rat for twelve years, TWELVE YEARS, while Mr. Black was innocent and rotting in Azkaban. No way was Harry letting this guy get away again.

"Harry, what are you doing?" Ron shouted.

"Well, seems to me that if rat-man here transforms to a rat, he'd be hard to find. But even a rat can't run without leg bones. Don't worry, this is what Lockhart did to me last year. The damage isn't permanent. That skelegrow stuff hurts, but it'll do rat-man right up if anyone gives it to him."

The others (who were awake and not rat-men) looked at him with a sense of chagrin and humor. Of course, he was correct. Peter could've easily gotten away if he transformed.

Just then, a change started to come over Professor Lupin's face. Harry, knowing it wasn't Halloween, decided to try for good luck instead of bad. He turned to Mr. Black.

"Wait, you said that you became a dog man so that you could be with Professor Lupin when he was a wolf? So you should stay here with him. Ron, Hermione and I will take professor Snape and rat man."

"Peter, Harry. His name is Peter," his professor corrected with a bit of venom in his normally-mild voice.

"Oh, I don't know, Moony. I kind of like rat man as a name for the dirty rat."

"Professor," Hermione interrupted, "could you make the two men lighter for us to carry? I don't think we should try to re-enervate Professor Snape as he hit his head pretty severely and that's bound to make him… displeased."

The three kids shared a look and a shudder. Snape unhappier than usual was hard to picture and a fate to be avoided at all costs.

Remus sighed. "You can't put a feather-lite charm on a person. I suppose it's too early for you to know the mobilicorpus spell?"

Harry shrugged sheepishly, "I was just going to say we should wingardium leviosa them up to the castle."

Remus's eyebrows raised, but he gave a short nod. "That'll do the job. Careful not to drop them… too much." His grin was all Marauder and was mirrored by a sinister-looking Sirius Black.

Finding a stout stick for Ron to hobble on, the three kids and two comatose adults made their way out of the tunnel, locking the door on the werewolf and animagus. Those two had gone through the transformations prior to the advent of wolfsbane; Harry had to hope they'd be able to do it one last time for posterity.

They started up the hill. Harry "accidentally" dropped Professor Snape three times, while Hermione dropped rat man twice. It was all Ron could do to hobble on his broken ankle on the uneven ground.

They got to a small knoll that hid them from view of the castle. Harry's Slytherin side spoke up – about screamed at him, actually.

"Hermione, you take Ron. Go ahead of us. I'll be okay here with these two, and I'm the only one who can do a patronus if the dementors get any ideas. I'll even hide under my invisibility cloak – glad I got that back! Get one of the professors to call the police. They need to come get rat man."

"Aurors, Harry. They're called aurors in the magical world," Hermione corrected.

He barely kept from rolling his eyes. "Yeah, them. Anyway, call them and then come back as fast as you can to help me get these two back up. You and Ron can go faster if we're not trying to bring these guys along."

"OK Harry."

After Hermione was out of sight, a slightly maniacal grin crossed Harry's face. First, he searched the dirty rat-man's pockets. Wouldn't do for him to have some magic device that could take him away… he'd read about portkeys and wanted to make sure. While he was searching he found two wands. There was a dirty-white one and an almost black one.

The darker of the two gave almost as big a shower of sparks as his own wand had – in his off-hand, anyhow. It was a cold wand, but it felt powerful.

Harry looked at the comatose professor on the ground.

Lockhart certainly taught me more than I thought, Harry mused as he aimed the black wand at… what had Mr. Black called him? Snivellous? Perfect!

"OBLIVIATE!" Harry put as much might and will and all the hatred he'd had for Snape into that spell. He wanted Snape to forget Mr Black and Professor Lupin and especially anything Potter. Maybe if he forgot all of them, he wouldn't cause so much trouble anymore.

By the time Hermione came back with Professors McGonagall and Dumbledore, the Black wand had disappeared into one of Harry's pockets (along with rat-man's suspiciously–full magical change purse. Lots of galleons in total, Harry reckoned. Rat man had probably been stealing from students for years. Oh, well. Finders keepers.)

Dumbledore tried to catch Harry's eye as he congratulated the boy hero on thinking about stripping Pettigrew of any potential magical items. But Harry had also learned from Quirrel and knew that some wizards could get into your head by looking into your eyes. So Harry kept his not-so-innocent gaze averted.

McGonagall re-enervated Snape, who seemed to have no idea what had happened that night, or even the last few months. In fact, though he knew his fellow faculty, he had no idea who Harry and Hermione were. His potions skills were untouched, but his memory for people seemed to have been thoroughly cocked-up.

His memory loss was blamed on the over-powered expelliarmus (and resulting head trauma) that Harry had performed. The bumps and general jostling he'd gotten on the trip out of the tunnel didn't help matters. No one really knew the extent of that trauma, and Harry kept it that way.

Rat man a.k.a. Pettigrew was greeted with horror by Cornelius Fudge. He tried to have his guards have the man kissed, but Dumbledore stepped in. After all, a summary execution on Hogwarts grounds would almost certainly get the board in a tizzy. A short hearing followed by a full trial had resulted in Pettigrew taking up residence in Azkaban. His bones were regrown his first week there and his animagus ability was locked away.

Sirius Black was issued an apology and all charges were dismissed (no pardon was granted as he'd never been convicted). He never presented himself to the wizengamot, though. He and Professor Lupin moved into the Black townhouse, put it under as many wards as they could conceive of (and between them and the Black library, they conceived of quite a few) and "kidnapped" a willing Harry from his muggle relatives after he begged them to do so. The Dursleys signed the change of custody form the same day that they filed a change of address form with the muggle post office.

By the time Dumbledore found out that they had all disappeared, the wards had fallen and Harry had seen a responsible healer that fixed several of his problems – including malnutrition and a magic-leaching scar on his forehead. With his new guardians, he charted his life in the magical and non-magical world. He and Hermione eventually were distanced from Ron as they took a similar schedule and he stuck with the "easy options".

Dumbledore, though suspicious of the events of that (what he thought of as terrible) evening, had no time to investigate. A few weeks after term ended (coinciding with the removal of aforementioned magical leech), Severus and several of his… friends… began to sicken. No matter the treatment, they worsened. Before the new term began, they were all greatly reduced magically – many to the point of being squibs. Initial panic subsided when it was noted that only those who were marked with You Know Who's magic – whether imperiused on or not – became ill. Even their closest family members remained unaffected.

Snape had been an incredibly strong wizard; now he was grateful there was no "silly wand waving" involved in potions. He'd have been unable to be a potioneer in that case. As it was, he was now stupidly thankful for Dumbledore's job and between that and the side effects of the "accident" that had befallen him (and resultant personality switch), he became an almost tolerable teacher.

The students of Hogwarts never knew that they had their bright, clear future all thanks to a few bad teachers and one very, very mischievous boy.

If he knew, Harry would say, "you're welcome!"