Well, that wasn't so bad. Theodore thought as he watched from the front steps of Meritech Industries, his eyes trailing after the figures of Helga & Milton as they disappeared back over the horizon with bellies full of food and towards their respective work studies. They'd spent the better part of lunch with a selection of their other classmates, just goofing about and more or less causing a ruckus (as was typical for tweens) in the usually quiet cafeteria. It was nice, not having to worry about LANE Keepers breathing down their necks for once and Theodore found himself actually enjoying Helga's bubbly company.

BZZT! BZZT!

GREG'S GROUP CHAT

HELGA HAS JOINED THE GROUP CHAT

HELGA: Thanks for lunch! I had loads of fun!

MILTON HAS JOINED THE GROUP CHAT

MILTON: Have fun scooping ice cream & eating nuts!

See ya tomorrow!

THEODORE HAS JOINED THE GROUP CHAT

THEODORE: :)

Theodore's cheeks flushed a pleasant pink as he felt his heart swell with happiness at the simple little messages. He tried his best to ignore the blush that covered his cheeks, though he couldn't ignore how his lips twitched upwards at the corners into a tentative smile. "Ooh! They're cute!" A voice suddenly sounded right next to Theodore's ear and the person's hot breath danced down the back of his neck which made him jump about a foot in the air.

"Jesus!" Theodore cursed, jumping back a pace or two as he accidentally burnt the sidewalk at their feet, when lumen shot from his palms in panic (Fun Fact: Jesus had been one of the first few noteworthy Human Garde who had been born to a Loric-Human coupling how ever many millennia ago. It had been due to the use of his rapid regeneration/healing Legacy that the whole son-of-God-thing had been brought about to begin with). Spinning on his heel, Theodore found himself face-to-face with both of his Don Klaus (who was dressed in an oversized pinstriped suit, for some reason) and Don Fën (who was wearing his old black & white polka-dotted sweater with his schoolboy shorts) as the Garde boy not-so-subtly shoved his phone back into his pocket.

"Nope, just me" Don Klaus preened, "Although, I have been mistaken for a Godly being before~!"

("God, my ass!" Ben rolled his eyes).

"Knock it off, Klaus" Don Fën scolded before turning to his nephew with a questioning look in his eyes. "What the hell are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in school?"

"Wha—what am I doing here? What are you doing here?" Theodore retorted as he tried to cover up his burn mark on the sidewalk with a nearby pile of conveniently-placed leaves. "I already checked in with Vera"

"Checked in?" Don Fën paused, brows furrowed in confusion.

"Yeah, after uh, last night"

"Oh"

"So, Teddy Bear~" Don Klaus sang, slinging one of his gangly arms around Theodore's shoulders as he pulled him to his side. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm doing my work studies"

"Work studies?"

"Yeah, for Social Studies" He nodded towards the medical building behind him. "So you can tell Vera that I'm perfectly fine and I don't need a babysitter"

"Babysitter? Work studies? What are you talking about?" Don Fën pursued.

"Isn't that why you're here?" Theodore's brows knotted in confusion. His expression danced between his two taller dons as he tried to decipher what was going on from their expressions alone. All he found was the same expression mirrored back at him.

"Nope~! We're here 'cause 'lil Five here—" Don Klaus reached out with his other hand to ruffle his dark locks, much to his irritation. "—Has something he wants to return"

"Uh…" Theodore blinked.

"Hm…" Don Fën sighed, looking more & more irritated as the conversation wore on. "This"

"That's an eye" Theodore stared dumbly at the worn glass eye in his shortest don's hand; one that he had plucked from the depths of his pockets.

"Oh, well done" Don Fën sassed, more than done with this useless conversation.

"It kinda looks like mine" Theodore mused, unaware of the interest that had peaked on both of their faces. It was true though. If he were being totally honest, it kind reminded him of his own. It was much older of course, weathered by age and more, but he couldn't deny the similarities.

"…What?" Don Fën sounded floored by that revelation (especially with how casually Theodore had mentioned it; as if it were common sense. The sky is blue, the grass is green, Theodore had a glass eye).

"You have a glass eye, Teddy?" Don Klaus piped up, mindless of Don Fën's sudden mind blank.

("D'you think Vanny knows what happened?" Ben wondered aloud, "Did his mysterious father do this or something?").

"Which one?" Klaus bent at the waist (trying to ignore the darker implications of his brother's musings) as he tried to decipher which one of Theodore's eyes were fake.

"Uh…" Theodore blinked, taken aback by the sudden proximity to his don. Nevertheless, he pointed to the eye in question. "This one"

("How come we didn't know that?" Ben puzzled, "When did he lose it?")

"When d'you lose it?" Klaus repeated Ben's question for the Garde boy to hear.

"When I was seven" Theodore promptly replied (that day was still fuzzy all these years later and he wasn't sure if he wanted to remember), "Why?"

"Well—"

"—Doesn't matter" Don Fën interjected as he pocketed the eye once more, even though he itched to pluck the one from Theodore's head to compare the serial numbers. Silently he promised himself to broach the subject with Vanya later.

BEEP~BEEP!

Dr. L.B

REQUIRE FILES FOR 2PM APPT.

NOW.

"Nngh! Theodore's faced scrunched up in disdain as he read the message that flickered across the old school pager that Dr Big had ever-so-gracefully chucked at him earlier in the day. He really was a grade-A asshole.

"What?" Don Klaus queried as he watched his nephew's expression turn sour.

"I, uh, have to go" Theodore replied as he pocketed the pager and turned to make his way back inside.

"Well, then" Don Fën strode forward to meet the boy, "You can show us the way in"

"Uh…" Theodore spared a narrowed-eyed inquisitive look between the two awaiting dons—one looking rather expectant whilst the other appeared to be trying for puppy dog eyes. "All…right…?"

"So…" Don Klaus sauntered up next to Theodore as Don Fën pushed his way inside, more or less carving his way through the throngs of people in the ground foyer, to the elevators as if he had been there before. "What's this about a work studies?"

"It's uh, a part of our social studies course" Theodore replied as he swiped his temporary keycard to allow passage through to the higher floors. "We have to shadow an employee at a big company for the week"

"So that means you know the ins and outs of this place?" Don Fën interjected, holding onto the elevator's railing like his life depended on it.

"Not really, I—we—just started today" Theodore replied as the elevator jerked into motion. Barely a few moments later and they were stepping out onto Dr. Big's floor, where Theodore led the way over to the receptionist's desk. He smiled in thanks as Cindy handed him the required files, before turning back to both of the elder Hargreeves (not noticing Cindy's barely-smothered wince at the sight of Don Fën). "And we're basically just errand boys, anyway"

"Surely you must know something" Don Fën pursued as the pair trotted after their neef, who led the way through the twisting and turning pathways made of glass.

"I'm not really sure what you want me to say…" Theodore trailed off as he opened the door to Dr Big's office, ready to hand over the required files with put-upon kindness. "Your files, sir"

"Finally!" Dr Big grumbled as he snatched the offered manilla folder outstretched to him, without even sparing a glance upwards. Theodore barely swallowed the growl that threatened to make itself known. "What took you so damn long?!"

"Well, he's certainly a little ray of sunshine, isn't he?" Don Klaus muttered lowly behind him, browed furrowed at the exchange.

"Yeah, well, Vera's already scared our social studies teacher" Theodore replied distractedly as he inspected his hands for any scratches wrought by the man. "And I'd like to pass this class"

"Vanny? No!" Don Klaus appeared almost scandalised at the notion that his timid little sister could do such a thing. "What'd she do?"

"…" Theodore didn't verbally reply, but his eyes blew wide as he sucked in a hissed breath, paling slightly as he shuffled in place. Which, in all honesty, was enough of an answer for the two former heroes.

"What are you still doing here? I thought I told you to file—" Dr Big turned to glare at Theodore who remained standing off to the side. At least, that was until, his eyes tracked over to the two other Hargreeves men on either side of him; in particular, his beady gaze zeroed in on Don Fën. "Oh God! Not you again!"

"Reception to Dr Big's office; your two o'clock is here"

BEEP~!

"Yes. Thank you, Cindy"

For the past seventeen years, Ben had been by Klaus' side through thick and thin. But as he lounged atop the windowsil like a cat in the sun, his attention was less on the trouble his stoned & slightly homicidal brothers were causing and more on the curiously puzzled nephew beyond the glass walls who had retreated to continue filing away the papers he had been given. Theodore—dressed smartly in what was clearly a school uniform of some kind (one that looked eerily similar to the one that Vanya had worn once upon a time)—was stood outside of Dr Big's office as he sorted through the large filing cabinet that peered around the corner.

Ever since Ben had been reintroduced to his nephew—the one who they had unknowingly met years ago when Klaus was digging through the dumpster in search of who-knows-what. The same one who had declared him, his brother's imaginary bedroom friend—the ghost boy had been wanting to wring every juicy detail out of whomever could tell him the most about the boy. At the moment, that was Vanya, but she was being rather annoyingly tight-lipped about the whole thing. Like that missing/glass eye, for example. That seemed like an important thing to mention, y'know, alongside the powers he supposedly had and the connection to the LANEs which had had Five pacing furiously back & forth across his bedroom in the academy.

Now that he thought about it, his brother's expression didn't look that different from the one he wore now. Currently though, Five (who had been trying to convince the doctor that Klaus was his father) looked like he wanted to tear the doctor's throat out with his teeth as he gripped tight to the back of his chair in agitation and Klaus languished in his own chair, long legs crossed at the ankles. He looked far too relaxed (and amused at the scene before him) to belong there. Both Dr Big and Five were seemingly on their last nerves and Ben wondered what it would take to break the (metaphorical) camel's back.

"…Like I said to your son earlier" Dr Big sneered patronisingly, "Any information about the prosthetics we build is strictly confidential. Without the client's consent, I simply cannot help you"

"Well, we can't get consent if you don't give us a name" Five bit out, physically holding himself back at this point.

"Well, that's not my problem. Sorry" Dr Big continued smugly (He clearly didn't mean the apology). "Now, there's really nothing more that I can do"

And that seemed to be the end of that. Five, whose shoulders had hunched up around his ears like a hissing cat, ground his teeth together in visible agitation and Ben found himself wondering if Number Five would be dumb enough to launch himself at the doctor in broad daylight & full view of everyone else. The glass walls of the office offered little to no privacy, barely blocking out the sound of their conversation from curious passersby and wandering eyes. Klaus, however, was the exact opposite. Stretched out in his chair with a cheshire cat-like grin and wickedly unbidden gleam of mirth swam in his eyes. This time, Ben really was worried but not about what Five might do, instead about what Klaus would do.

"Klaus—!" Ben warned, sitting upright as if to physically stop his brother from doing something stupid. Not that he could usually stop his brother from doing anything stupid. "—What are you doing?"

"…" Said brother merely cocked an eyebrow back in response and slumped further back into his chair. Something which confused Dr Big to no end (how dare this lanky father look at him like that?).

"Well, what about my consent?" Klaus interjected.

"…Huh?" Five blinked, dumbly.

"…'xcuse me?" Dr Big puzzled, brows furrowed in confusion.

"Who gave you permission to lay your hands…on my son?" Klaus continued tearfully, making sure to choke his words a little.

"What?" The other three all chorused in various stages of confusion as Klaus pointed towards Five—who was perfectly fine, mind you—with a look of utter despair.

"Klaus—!" Ben clambered to his feet).

"You heard me" Klaus steamrolled on, mindless of (and unable to reply to) Ben.

"I didn't touch your son" Dr Big replied, sparing a glance towards Five as if checking to make sure that, in fact, Five was unmarred.

"This is a bad idea!" Ben warned, although he wasn't sure who he was talking to.

"Oh really?" Klaus grinned wickedly as he leant forward in his chair for the first time since this 'meeting' had begun. "Then how did he get that swollen lip then?"

"He doesn't have a swollen li—"

SMACK!

"Klaus!" Ben scolded, sounding for all the world like their father as he hovered over Five who now sported a split & bleeding lip (thanks to the numerous rings that Number Four wore). It seemed in all of Klaus' infinite wisdom, that he had decided that sucker punching their brother was the way to go (outside, Theodore—who had been passing by—flinched violently at the action and clenched his fists at his side, as if worried about who would be next to be hit). "What the hell were you thinking?!"

"I want it" Klaus spared a quick wink in Ben's direction as he elegantly rose to his feet and strode over to the desk in front of him. Leaning against the plastic surface, he used his height to his advantage and leered menacingly over the obtuse man. "Name please. Now"

"Y-you're crazy!" Dr Big stammered, taken aback by Klaus' sudden action.

"You've got no idea" Klaus laughed darkly, before he glanced downwards at the snow globes that decorated the edge of the desk. Of course, Klaus being Klaus, he picked up the closest one (and the biggest) with a fond smile that didn't reach his eyes. "Peace on Earth' That's so sweet!"

"Klaus—!" Ben tried again, "I'm not cleaning this shit up!"

It didn't work. Holding the aforementioned snow globe aloft so that he could read the inscription engraved onto the plinth in which the Earth figurine stood, Klaus then turned it this way and that was if inspecting every little flake of glitter that had settled on the bottom since he'd picked it up. Beside him, Five watched his brother with wary eyes—calculating and curious—but wary as Klaus (as per usual) took things just that step too far.

SMASH!

"Ugh! Hurensohn! That hurt!" Klaus groaned, clutching onto the edge of the of the desk after smashing the chosen snow globe against his forehead in some kind of egotistical move. Ben had to admit that it did its job. And even though he wanted to laugh at Five's aghast-slash-startled expression at any other given moment, Ben was more concerned with the glass sticking out of his brother's crown and the blood that trickled down his now glitter-painted face.

(Again, Theodore flinched violently at the sound of hard glass crashing against soft flesh. This time, his fearful reaction was far more visible as the sound of loud buzzing began to reverberate throughout the office building. It sounded like a swarm of insects had invaded and more than one person looked up from what they were doing to try and locate the source of the sudden noise. Theodore just kept his head down as he quickly ducked down a corridor, taking the noise with him).

"I'm calling sec—" Dr Big scrambled with the landline on his desk, hurriedly trying to punch in the numbers for security. That was until Klaus easily reached across the desk and snatched the device right out of his hands. "—What are you doing?!"

"There's been an assault…" Klaus cried dramatically down the phone, once again choking on his words as he put on the act of a lifetime. "…In Mr Big's office…and—and we need security, now! Schnell!"

"…You're insane" Ben smiled, returning to his place in the sun as Klaus quietly hissed at him and Five's expression returned to its natural smug state. In fact, Ben would argue, that this had to be the smuggest smirk that his brother had ever worn; he looked like the Grinch about to steal Christmas.

"Now here's what's going to happen, Grant" Klaus continued on, unperturbed by the doctor's fearful gaze or the sound of his landline ringing off the hook (no doubt security or reception calling him back for that disturbing call).

"It's…Lance" Dr Big protested weakly.

"In about sixty seconds, two security guards are gonna burst through that door and they're gonna see a whole lotta blood. They're gonna wonder 'what the hell happened?' and we're gonna tell them that you…beat the shit outta us!" Klaus rose to his full height with a sigh, looking for all the world like the deranged man he really was. "You're gonna do great in prison, Grant. Trust me, I've been there. Little piece of chicken like you…ooh!…Oh my God! You're gonna get passed around like a—you're just—you're gonna do great, that's all I'm saying"

"Jesus, you are a real sick bastard!" Dr Big breathed.

"Thank you" Klaus spat out the glass shards which lingered on his lips.

"Your insane" Ben murmured as he watched his two extremely smug brothers stare down the doctor before them. "Completely and utterly insane"