'Bound' and 'determined' explained Lilibet's mood upon entering the clothing venue. It did not take her long to find the infant-sized clothing. Or jog over to the display.
Her parents hung back.
The blonde said, "We keep saying 'she' when talk of the little one. But... What if it becomes the opposite?"
"Bette gets a brother." shrugged Alexis. "I just have a feeling we will be graced with a second princess, come springtime."
"Then remind to dig out my planning journals from when I was pregnant. A lot of them have nursery ideas..."
But any elaboration Alexis could have asked for never made it out.
Lilibet joined them again. She already had a prize.
Lilibet had found one very charming lavender-colored dress. Accompanying it on the hanger was a tiny pale blue knotted headband, along with a matching pants and sweater set. Embroidered squarely in the middle of the dress with dark purple thread were the words, 'I'm New Here.' Alexis couldn't have chosen better. It was perfect.
Alexis immediately gave the toddler what affirmation she was looking for. "Bette, I love this! What a great find!"
She trilled in delighted before shifting her gaze to Alexandra. "Like it?"
Alexandra nodded emphatically. "I really do. Well done, sunshine. You have a great eye."
Lilibet understood the compliment. But she turned away, the direction of the shop exit. Her next agenda item was clear. Playing. It wasn't far to the mall's recreational area.
So they headed to the check-out counter.
Quietly, Alexis asked Alexandra, "Is this what we're going to put they baby in when we bring her home?"
Alexandra's heart promptly turned over. She knew that she and Alexis were it for life. No question. But... Her inquiry made it completely real.
The older woman didn't miss a beat. "Yes. And I love Bette's pick as much as you do. But it's coming out of my pocket: I insist."
Alexis hugged her. "Thank you. Now excuse me one moment."
Alexandra watched Alexis turn to Bette.
"You and I are going to go wait for mama now," Alexis told her. "But I need you to put your find up on the counter first."
Lilibet regarded it momentarily before saying blankly, "Can't reach it."
Alexis picked her up, straightening her clothes when they wrinkled. "How about now?"
The counter was finally at Lilibet's level. Pleased, she handed the clothes to the cashier. Her work was done.
Lilibet then waved good-bye to Alexandra as she made her exit with Alexis.
Quite content, Lilibet rested her head on one of Alexis' shoulders. And patted her on the back. Alexandra's heart skipped a beat. Lilibet didn't do this often. Just with people she deeply loved.
Alexandra paid for the clothes quickly.
After what felt like an eternity to Lilibet, she and her family finally reached the mall playground. It consisted of a massive play structure and a ball pit. True paradise for any kid.
Once she had removed her jacket and shoes, it was off to join in the fun. Her day just kept getting better.
This left Alexis and Alexandra available to really talk. Uninterrupted.
They sat together on a bench provided for parents inside the playground vicinity. Both mothers had the spot to themselves. For now.
"Allie," began Alexis. "Everything that's happened has shown me that we were meant to be. My heart is full. Completely. And all of the songs make sense when you're around. Do you get what I mean?"
"Yes. The same thing happens on my end when I'm with you. Or think about you." Alexandra smiled lovingly and sincerely at her. "Before we keeping going, I need to ask: have you ever been with a woman before?"
"No. You're my first. I only dated in high school because everyone else around me was. Peer pressure, I should think. Is that dumb?"
"No." Alexandra shook her head. "Not at all."
"I also dated back then. A lot." said Alexis. "I won't hide it."
Alexandra squeezed Alexis' hands gently. "And I won't lie to you. Thanks for being honest. Now I want to know: did anything ever feel real when you were dating those guys?"
Alexis nodded. "Yes. But then I always ended up being misled in some fashion."
"Oh? Tell me about the last three. Please."
Denying Alexandra of what she wanted to know at this point seemed wrong. But Alexis trusted her inherently. And she was a great listener.
"Well, where do I start? Ashley was a flake. Neither of us realized at the time that long-term relationships would not work for us. And then it just... fizzled out to nothing. Max? He cheated. Pieterjan is too free-spirited. And selfish."
"Pieterjan is Pi's real name?" Alexandra spoke delicately, knowing Alexis might never want to have this part of the conversation again.
"Mhm. He's called Pieterjan VanTilburg. He's from The Netherlands. I'm glad things never worked out with my exes. But especially him." Alexis shuddered. "He's older than both of us, by the way. And he smokes hookah. Pi would get frustrated that I never wanted to try it. Maybe those were more red flags? I couldn't see the forest for trees at the time."
"Oh, Alexis…" was all Alexandra could utter.
But she had laser focus on the discussion at hand. "I want to know what you think: is it odd that I'm already over my ex-boyfriend? He was just a rebound that went too far."
"It is a tad odd. You guys just broke up." remarked Alexandra. "But it sounds like it would have been a miserable time if you had stayed. For that, I'm glad you got out. And it's progress. I am happy to be here. For any help you should need. So's the family."
Alexis would have promptly pinned Alexandra against the nearest wall so she could kiss her. It was an impulse she had been fighting all day. But only because they were yet surrounded by people.
Alexis told her, "Thank you. Again. From the bottom of my heart. Now I have a question for you."
"Go on."
"You'd never hurt me, would you? Like my exes?"
"Not in a million years." Alexandra answered reassuringly. "It sounds like they each mistreated you for their own ends. Doing so is wrong. To anyone."
She moved closer.
"I'm going to let you in on something: I believe in love, and that when you love your soulmate, not only do you love them, but it's all the way. No one I've been with before knows that about me. Do you think that's dumb?"
Alexis was hanging on to every word. "No. I really don't. Alexandra, I agree with you. Might I ask what cultivated your feelings in that area?"
"Of course. It was 'cultivated,' as you put it, by watching Horatio and Zadie. Their love story is worth it." Alexandra grew thoughtful. "My feelings about love also came from watching each my siblings with their own other halves. Everyone is beautiful. They've all got unique stories."
"Wow. I can't wait to delve into that." Alexis marveled. "May I tell you something else now?"
"Mhm. Always."
"I ended up in conversation with Kate and my grandmother after you two dropped me off at home after the hospital. Dad wasn't there, but that's beside the point."
"Oh?" said Alexandra. "Just what did Kate and Martha say?
"Both of them are actually pretty cool about me liking you. No judgement from either of them. I was also reassured that my dad will also be very supportive." Alexis explained. "But… I'm guessing by now that he's beginning to figure things out."
Alexandra chuckled. "From your stories, that just sounds par for the course."
"I was also never sure who talk about those feelings with because I was worried my friends would dump me if I came out." Alexis rubbed her middle with her knuckles. "We still fell out of contact after Paris. Now none of us talk. We moved on because they left town for college. I didn't. And... I'm not even sad."
"When one door closes, another opens. You want positive influences around when you have a recovery from something traumatic. I understand that. Really well."
And Alexandra absently touched a hand to the right side of her mouth. This was a move she did often. Like a reflex. Of some kind.
Daringly, Alexis touched her fingertips to the spot.
"What happened?" she asked gently.
"I will save the story for another day…"
Alexandra held her hand in place, and smiled. The corner of her mouth went up only one corner of her face. Askew. The woman did not have a normal smile… By societal standards. Alexis had never thought twice about it.
Mostly because she thought it was yet one more item about Alexandra Joy that made her so unique.
Feeling her facial features change because of a smile was quite surreal. Especially because it because so askew that Alexis' hand covered half her mouth.
"But," Alexandra watched Alexis remove her hand. "It has everything to do with why I have a crooked smile. Bette, too. But you've never made mention of it."
"That's because I see you. Just like how you see me. Other than my family, you're the only person who knows I had crippling Paris-related nightmares. And... That they recur. Occasionally."
Hearing this just made Alexandra love Alexis more. She trusted her with very intimate knowledge. It was a big responsibility. But she could handle it. And more.
She let Alexis keep talking. Unload what she wanted to. Had to. It seemed there was a lot she'd been holding back in her life lately.
"Now here's you, showing me that it's okay to follow my heart. To broaden my horizons. That it's healthy." continued Alexis. "But you know something? With everyone else, I was just kidding myself. And... Biding my time."
Alexandra held Alexis' hands. "What do you mean?"
"I fell for you immediately, that day you were my tour guide at Columbia." Alexis explained. "But I was just not in a place where I could think about the non-academic aspects of life. The romantic in me says I was waiting for you. It just took a few bumpy patches and heartaches to figure it out."
"Then you'll be delighted to know that that was the day that I fell for you." Alexandra said. "And... I had my own things in life to figure out. Bette's dad was was my friend back then. But he dropped me fast back then. Fast. So I had to do my own soul-searching."
"Then... Are you sorry that Porter died?"
"Yes. He did the crimes he did, but life did not have to snuff him out. Would I have gotten back together with him? No. Absolutely never. But I would have liked Bette to have at least one recollection of him."
"Your feelings are valid." Alexis told her with affirmation. "Pi and I are done for good, but I wouldn't stop Bean from looking for him if it was imperative. Like if she had an illness. What do you think?"
"I am with you. One hundred percent. And such my soul-searching that there hasn't been anyone since Porter. Just you."
Alexis' heart fluttered, but she kept her cool. "Then here's a new thought—would you ever hurt Baby Bean?"
"I could never even dream of that. And not just because I'm a mom, too." Alexandra said in complete seriousness. "The adults in my family know all about how Bette came into the universe, but they don't treat her any different. Even Jenny's family adores her."
"Wow. Then what about everyone else?"
Alexandra thought about it. "My nieces and nephews love her. They are too young to know anything about the drama. As for my siblings and my in-laws, they supported me when I was pregnant. Still do. None of them ever gave me grief that I didn't even want to marry Porter. They each love Bette the same as everyone else."
"Okay." said Alexis in amusement. "That is everyone but Nelson. What about him?"
Alexandra smirked. "To everyone's chagrin and my encouragement, Nelson successfully taught Lilibet how to do a handstand during their last visit. She can still do it. Ask her some time."
"Wow. Hey, maybe I should tell my dad that she has a wily side like that. He can help me get her interested in laser tag. Bette is actually about the age I was when I got my first vest..."
Her casualness took Alexandra by surprise. "Come again?!"
Innocently, Alexis told her, "Just come by for dinner some time. I'll show you."
"Right. Guess we'll have to, then."
Alexandra playfully bumped her shoulder against Alexis'.
"But you see? Love is what I know." Alexandra said. "I love Baby Bean, just like how I know you love Bette. And would never hurt her. How would your loft family be with our girl?"
Alexis didn't even have think about it. "Dad would teach her about things like story structure and her would read to her. Kate? She speaks a few languages, and would probably indulge Bette in one. Kate also cooks very well. She'd probably be tickled to have a pint-sized kitchen helper. As for Gram..."
"What about her?" Alexandra arched an eyebrow.
"She will probably find a way to get Bette interested in the performing arts. Don't say I didn't warn you."
"So noted. But it sounds like there's also a lot of love to give and be had within your loft family?"
"Oh, yes. And just wait until the summer—we have a house in The Hamptons. Dad taught me to swim there. Plus… the beach is glorious."
Alexandra was very impressed by everything she was hearing.
Many more questions popped into her brain. Many.
But she willed herself to stay on topic.
"Earlier," she said softly. "When you were asking me for approval about the baby's 'coming home from the hospital' outfit, does that mean you want me there?"
"More than that: I would love if you were at the hospital with me. And for all of it that'll be leading up to that day. It's also not like you and I just met last week…"
"That's true. Our history has already long been established."
Now Alexis was fighting an impulse to not blush. "I am also not just saying this because I know you have a bounty of motherhood tips up your sleeve."
"No?" Alexandra said teasingly. "Then what's the reason? Because you love me?"
"Way to steal my thunder, but yes." Alexis' heart fluttered. "I do. Alexandra Joy Ryan, I love you. Always have. Everything makes perfect sense when you're around. Even when you're not, I know that you're the one life has been preparing me for. I'm sorry just sorry it took me two years to figure out."
"I love you, too. More than I can say. I'll wait for you if you still want figure out some motherhood stuff. But Alexis, I'm not going anywhere. I promise. All I want is your joy. The baby's too." Alexandra did not break eye contact. "I can and will give both of you what you deserve. You can set the pace here. I know in my heart that you're worth waiting for."
Alexis' response took her for a loop.
The redhead asked, "What if I'm ready now?"
"I—what?" sputtered Alexandra. "Is this real?"
"Mhm." Alexis confirmed. "One hundred percent."
Alexandra wanted to cry in joy. "Then, Alexis Harper Castle, will you be my girlfriend?"
"Only if you'll be mine." Alexis winked.
"Then, yes. I do. I will." her words were coming out fast like she was tripping over them.
But Alexis understood her. "Then to answer your question, yes. I will happily be your girlfriend."
And…
Not even caring that their immediate surroundings were the chatty mothers of the five-and-under crowd, or that Lilibet would surely be checking in on them soon, Alexis and Alexandra (finally) shared their first kiss.