I'm posting early because I'm away this weekend and didn't want to leave it till next week!

Many thanks once again to those of you who shared your thoughts with me on the last chapter. Another sad one this week as the family say goodbye to John. Things are pretty bleak for Rose at the moment, but I don't intend to just let her wallow in misery forever. It may get a bit worse before it gets better though, so bear with her. It wouldn't be Peaky Blinders if there wasn't a large dose of gloom, would it?

The caravan was a small, covered wagon painted brown with a yellow pattern. Its large wheels had bright yellow spokes and Rose thought it was a good colour for John. The family had laid him out on the floor of the caravan and surrounded him with personal items – his cap, family photos, a box of cigars, his uniform and kit. He was wearing his best suit – blue pinstripes with his favourite watch chain. Rose noticed his rings were gone and wondered where they were. The family had had some private moments with him to say goodbye. Rose had knelt alongside him and looked at his face. It was pale and still and didn't look like John at all. John's face was never impassive – he was either grinning or angry or pensive, but never expressionless. She didn't know what she was supposed to do, kneeling next to the lifeless body of her brother.

She thought about the last time she'd seen him. John had visited Arrow House almost every week to see her. She often wished he didn't. She wanted to withdraw and push everyone away but John wouldn't let her. He would shout up the stairs as soon as he arrived.

"Rose! Rosie, where are you?"

He would hunt for her in the house and then outside and if he still hadn't found her, he would saddle up one of Tommy's horses and ride out to the camp. He often found her there and he would make her ride with him on Nua. She was terrible company, often not talking to him, sometimes arguing with him, even being rude to him at times. He wasn't deterred though and would ask her question after question about how she was. He would tell her she needed to let him help her. He urged her to move in with him and Esme every single time he saw her. He would have physically dragged her there himself if it wasn't for the fact that Tommy would never allow it. He was furious with Tommy about the way he had abandoned Rose, even more than he was about the arrest. He tried everything to persuade Rose to move in with him because he knew Tommy wouldn't say no to her.

"Rosie, you can't shut yourself away from everyone here. You need family around you."

"I don't. I need peace and quiet which I would never get at your house."

"You would. The house is big enough and I'll tell the kids to stay away. You could keep Nua at mine and we could go out hunting. I'd teach you how."

"I already know how."

John frowned and tried again. He stopped his horse and Rose stopped next to him.

"Rosie, you're not yourself. You look like you haven't slept in weeks. You've lost the spark in your eyes, you never smile – not even when you see me and I'm your favourite brother."

That did make her smile slightly. She was drawn to the love John showed her and found herself thinking that it would be nice to live with him, to have people around her again. But she knew that she'd mess it up eventually and when John saw how damaged she really was, he'd pull away from her like Tommy had. She couldn't face that again. Better to not allow herself to get close to anyone.

John caught her smile and was encouraged.

"Come on, Rose, we can go today. You can be eating your dinner with us tonight, eh? With your family, where you belong."

Rose knew she had to shut this down before she caved.

"John, the last place I want to be is sitting at your table with your kids screaming at each other and you and Esme arguing all night."

John's face fell. "Rose…"

"Look, John. It's nice of you to come and see me but you can stop now. I don't need you. I don't need anyone. I'm doing just fine by myself."

John frowned at her rejection. "You're not doing fine, Rosie. And I'll keep coming to see you until you are. Listen, me and Esme are having a party for New Year and we're inviting everyone, the whole family. Even Tommy. It's about time we all got together, eh? You'll come?"

She looked at his hopeful face and wished she could say yes. Instead, she shrugged.

"I don't know, John. It won't be the same."

"But it's a start."

Maybe it was. She smiled a half smile. "Will there be brandy?"

He grinned. "Yeah, and the rest."

"Ok, then, I'll come."

He reached over and took her hand. "It'll be alright, Rose, I promise."

That was the last thing he said to her. She had pulled her hand away and nudged Nua on, turning her back to the camp. He was still grinning when she passed him.

And now, kneeling next to his body, she pictured his grinning face and she cried as the grief overwhelmed her. He'd wanted to bring the family back together and the irony wasn't lost on her that he had indeed brought them together - not for a new year's party but for his funeral.

She was still crying when the family gathered at the small camp overlooking the city where the funeral was being held. Wood had been stacked against the caravan and the family were leaving flowers, letters, feathers and other mementos to be burnt with John. Rose left him a letter, as did Ada. In her letter, Rose wrote that she was sorry she'd told him he she didn't need him. I've always needed you and I'll always love you, my beautiful and kind brother.

Rose's tears fell freely as she leant against the caravan, a hand against the side as if to feel one last connection with John. The pill she'd taken that morning had worn off and her feelings were raw. She felt a hand on her shoulder. Arthur pulled her gently away and put an arm around her.

"It's time, Rosie."

She looked at him and saw her grief reflected in his face. She nodded and allowed him to lead her to where the rest of the family was waiting. She noticed Mal was there too, at the back behind his dad, and she was glad to see him. She needed a friend. Moving past her family, she made her way to him and stood next to him. She leaned against him and he put an arm around her. She took strength from his presence but saw Tommy whisper something in Finn's ear who then headed towards her.

"Tommy wants you to stand with the family."

Rose tensed but Mal squeezed her shoulder.

"He's right, Rose. You should go and stand with your family."

She had no fight in her so took the hand the Finn was holding out and went with him to stand next to Ada. Tommy watched them, nodded slightly and began to speak.

"This is how John wanted to go. On this smoke…"

Rose hadn't heard the story of how her brothers and their fellow soldiers had been spared death and that since then they'd considered every moment they lived as extra. In the Bleak Midwinter. She understood now why her brothers lived the way they did – like there was no tomorrow. She imagined that must be quite a liberating way to live. But death wasn't something that was just about the one who'd died. There was so much pain and suffering left behind. She thought of Esme and John's kids, gone on the road now. They must be hurting so much. Would she ever see them again? And those stood here in this field. There would always be something missing in their lives now. Rose was steadily crying now and couldn't understand why others weren't. She heard Polly challenge Tommy.

"And what did you do with that extra time he gave you, eh, Thomas?"

Tommy didn't answer. Rose could tell he was unsettled by Polly's resistance to him. Polly was Tommy's anchor in much the same way that he was Rose's. And when that anchor wasn't holding you in place, you were adrift. Rose was adrift because Tommy had left her and now Tommy was adrift because Polly had turned away from him. She almost felt sorry for him.

Arthur stepped forward and lit a match. Rose's breath hitched. He flicked the match at the wood and the paraffin that Tommy had poured earlier caught fire immediately. The flames rose quickly as the dry wood burnt and it was only a minute or so before the caravan was encircled with flames reaching higher and higher. Rose held tight to Finn's hand who held tight back. She knew that wasn't really John in there but the thought of his body burning inside the caravan was a terrible one.

A gunshot rang out in the air and Rose was pulled onto the ground by Finn. There were screams and shouts with Tommy yelling at his men to stand down. Looking back, she couldn't remember hearing the shot or being pulled to the ground. The next thing she remembered was standing next to Ada and hearing Polly and Tommy arguing. She was vaguely aware of some men on horses riding into the camp and Tommy barking orders. But all she could focus on was the fire. It was raging now and the flames were consuming the caravan as they danced higher and higher towards the sky. She took a step towards them. Was John gone now? Had his soul gone up in the smoke yet? She watched the smoke rise up into the sky and tried to see him. What would he look like?

She ignored the arguments in the background as she stared into the flames. Suddenly she saw a person right in the middle of the fire. It was her mother. Rose gasped. Her mother had come to take John with her. She smiled through her tears and whispered.

"Mum?"

Her mother smiled back at her and held out a hand to Rose. And Rose knew that she wanted her to go with them. She held her hand out to her mother and moved towards her. She really did want to go with her and John and find some peace. Her eyes watered as the smoke swirled round her but she didn't notice. All she could see was her mum, smiling at her and waiting for her.

Mal had been watching the latest developments in the Shelby family drama when he realised Rose wasn't with them. He turned round to look for her and was horrified to see her very close to the flames.

"Rose!"

The family turned quickly at his shout and watched him sprint towards Rose who was very close to the caravan fire and moving closer. Tommy and Arthur raced over just as Mal grabbed Rose and pulled her back, the flames licking at her, just about to catch her coat. She screamed and fought with him to let her go. He dragged her backwards away from the fire just as Tommy and Arthur reached him. Tommy took hold of Rose and snarled at Mal.

"Let her go."

Shocked, Mal let her go and could only watch as Tommy and Arthur bundled her away. Johnny put a hand on his shoulder.

"Well done, son. You saved her."

Mal scoffed. "Not that they care."

"They do, they just can't show it. What was she doing, Mal, walking into the fire?"

"I don't know, Dad. She was screaming about her mum and wanting to go with her."

Johnny's eyes opened wide and he looked at the fire.

"They say sometimes the ancestors come down in the smoke to take their relatives with them. Maybe their mum came to get John and Rose saw her."

"Or maybe Rose isn't coping with all this and her mind is fragile and she's seeing hallucinations."

Johnny shrugged. "Either way, Tommy will deal with it, son. It's not our place to get involved."

"Our place? They're not our superiors, Dad. We don't have to bow and scrape to them."

"Ah Mal, it doesn't do to cross them. They're dangerous. Be careful getting close to her. It won't end well."

"It's not going to end well anyway, Dad. It didn't for John, did it? What makes you think it'll be any better for Rose?"

"All I'm saying is be careful, son."

Tommy pulled Rose over to the back of the camp, gripped her shoulders and bent down to look in her face. He was rattled – with the funeral, the vendetta, Polly and now Rose walking into fires. He was struggling to hold it together.

"What the hell were you doing, Rose?"

Rose struggled in his grip. She hated it when he held her tight and confronted her. It made her feel trapped.

"Let me go, Thomas."

He held her for a few more seconds until Arthur put a hand on his shoulder.

"Tommy"

Letting her go, he stood up and turned away, running a hand down his face. Polly had joined them, looking at Rose worriedly. Arthur watched Rose as she fidgeted and looked around her anxiously.

"What's going on, Rosie? You could have been hurt really badly."

She looked at him fleetingly and then at Polly. Taking a step towards her aunt, she wringed her hands in front of her.

"I saw her, Aunt Pol. I saw her, in the fire."

Tommy wheeled round and looked between her and Polly. Lizzie had told him what Polly had said to Rose earlier. Polly frowned as she regarded her niece.

"Saw who, love?"

"Mum. I saw Mum – in the fire. She'd come to take John." Rose was smiling at Polly, her eyes full of tears. "You were right, she's watching me."

Tommy stepped forward, his face furious. Polly looked at him, then back at Rose. She stroked Rose's hair away from her face.

"Rose, love, why were you so close to the fire?"

At this, Rose stepped back and looked nervously at Tommy and Arthur. She was beginning to realise what had happened and how it had looked.

"I … I don't know. I didn't realise I was so close."

"Rose…"

She sidestepped Polly's hand and turned to Arthur.

"I want to go, Arthur. Will you take me home?"

Arthur looked at Tommy, who nodded, and beckoned to her.

"Come on then, Rosie. I'll drop you home and go on to the yard."

Without glancing at Tommy or Polly, Rose followed Arthur to his car. She climbed in beside him and as he drove off, she looked back at the smoke of the caravan.

"Has he gone now, Arthur?"

"Hmm?"

"John - has he gone now? On the smoke?"

"Yeah, yeah, I think so."

She turned and looked out of the windscreen. They didn't speak again.

Rose headed straight to her bedroom as soon as she got in. Fred was delighted to see her. He hadn't liked being left at the house and had been fretting about his mistress. Rose absentmindedly scratched his ears and, kneeling down by her bed, she pulled out her pill bottle and tipped them all in her hand. She had six left. She put one in her mouth and swallowed it. That left five. She needed more as soon as possible. Putting them back in the bottle and hiding it away again, she sat on the bed thinking.

She was exhausted. The funeral had been so hard. And she'd seen her mother in the flames. Or had she? She wasn't sure anymore. She'd never really believed in spirits, never really thought about them before. Was it real? Was it the pills? She lay on her back and looked at the ceiling, feeling the drugs take effect. She closed her eyes and allowed her breathing to slow and her thoughts to stop racing.

She was woken up by Ada gently shaking her.

"Rose, why are you sleeping? We're going to the yard now, for the meal."

Rose blinked and sat up. "Now?"

"Yes, Johnny's there cooking the geese as we speak. Come on, and wrap up, it'll get cold later."

Not long after, Rose walked into Charlie's yard with Polly, Ada and Lizzie accompanied by armed men. It had been a while since Rose had been at the yard and she felt at ease as she walked towards the tables and chairs that had been set up. Polly wasn't happy to be there but Rose wasn't really listening. She saw Tommy and Arthur sat at the table with their closest men. She spotted a few strangers and wondered who they were. She could smell the geese cooking and saw Johnny rushing round the fires looking busy. Mal was with him, roasting the potatoes and Rose went over to join him, Fred following her, nose twitching with all the delicious smells in the air. Mal looked up at her and cast a glance over to Tommy. Tommy wasn't watching them though, he was watching Polly. He smiled at Rose.

"You hungry, Rose? My dad has made enough food to feed the whole of Small Heath."

"It smells delicious. How's Nua, Mal?"

"She's fine. She was happy with our horses but I took her back to the stables. Jim will take care of her."

She nodded. "Thanks. I miss her."

His face went serious. "Are you ok, Rose?"

Rose pushed herself up to sit on a barrel. "Yeah"

"What was that earlier? At the fire?"

She sighed. "I don't really know, Mal. I was upset. It was John's funeral."

"You said something about your mother."

She watched as he turned the potatoes and basted them in goose fat. "Would you believe me if I told you?"

He looked up and caught her eye. "Yes, I would believe you."

"I saw my mother in the fire."

He held her gaze. "Ok. Do you know why she was there?"

"She'd come to get John."

He nodded. "My dad said that happens sometimes."

He went back to basting the potatoes before he asked the next question.

"Did she want you to join her there? Is that why you were walking into the fire?"

He kept his attention on his work, giving her space to answer. After a long while, she did. Her voice had dropped to barely above a whisper.

"I think so."

He looked back at her, a gentle expression on his face. "Rose, why would she want you to get hurt?"

Her eyes scanned his face as she sought for an answer before dropping down to look at her boots. She didn't have an answer. Changing the subject, she nodded over to the men at the tables.

"Who's that? The one with the hat and the hair?"

"That is Aberama Gold."

"Oh, that's him. And who's the lad with him?"

"His son, Bonnie."

"They're Tommy's killers for hire."

Mal shrugged. "So I hear. I'm not a Peaky Blinder, so I don't know much."

She caught the contempt in his voice and looked at him.

"Do you want to be a Peaky Blinder?"

"Rose, that is the last thing on earth I would want."

"Really?"

"Really. I don't want to be a dispensable foot soldier for a general with no morals and even less scruples. I won't serve anybody in this life. I won't hurt or kill for anyone. I won't look the other way whilst evil thrives."

Rose's eyes widened at this outburst. She had never heard him speak like that before. He saw her expression and reddened.

"I'm sorry, Rose. I didn't mean to speak against your family."

She shook her head. "You're right. You shouldn't be anyone's mercenary. You'll be the last good man standing."

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Will you be standing with me then?"

She scoffed and jumped down. "I'm not a good person, Mal."

She walked away before he could answer her, leaving him staring after his friend, wishing he could take her away from this life she found herself in.

Rose joined Ada at the table and was pleased to see there was brandy available. She drank her first glass quickly and didn't bother counting the rest. The food was served and was indeed delicious. She stayed close to Ada and listened to the stories and jokes that were being shared around her. Some were stories of John that she'd never heard, some she'd heard many times before but she found herself enjoying hearing him spoken about. She thought he would have liked it too. Sitting back, she closed her eyes and felt the familiar buzz of the alcohol combine with the barbiturate in her system and smiled. If was as if she were floating and everything was at a distance. She opened her eyes as she became aware of someone sitting down next to her and found herself looking into the smiling face of Bonnie Gold. She tilted her head, trying to focus on him. He nodded at her glass.

"Your glass is empty."

"Then fill it up."

Grinning, he refilled her glass and handed it to her. She took a sip and felt it go down smoothly. She put her glass back on the table, keeping it in her hand. Bonnie moved his glass closer to hers until their fingers were practically touching. He leant closer to her.

"I'm Bonnie Gold."

"I know who you are."

"And I know who you are."

Rose leant forward also, with her face propped against her hand. "Then, you'll know, Bonnie Gold, that every member of my family is watching us right now."

Bonnie raised his eyebrows and moved his eyes around the table. Sure enough, the Shelby family were all keeping an eye on Rose and, as a consequence, on him too. They were carrying on their conversations and laughter but each one of them flickered their eyes in Rose's direction every few seconds. He smirked and sat back in his chair. She stayed where she was and smiled sweetly at him.

"If I were you, I would finish the job you're being paid to do, then get as far away from the Shelbys as possible." She narrowed her eyes and lowered her voice. "We're cursed. And if you stay, you'll die."

Bonnie frowned at her words. He was fascinated by this small, red-headed Shelby with her large violet eyes and scarred, delicate face. She looked so fragile but when she spoke she was full of fire. He opened his mouth to say something when a shadow fell across him. He looked up to see Polly staring down at him, her face hard. He tried to stare back but couldn't keep it up. He smiled wryly and stood up, offering her his chair. She gave him one last glare as she sat down, then crossed her legs and lit a cigarette. Bonnie winked at Rose then strolled away. Rose watched him go. She felt nothing towards him, he was just another Gypsy boy who was under Tommy's spell. Most of the ones she encountered knew better than to try anything on with her because they all knew who Tommy Shelby was. And Bonnie Gold had now joined them. She doubted she'd see him again.

Down the table, Mal also watched Bonnie walk away. He hadn't missed his interaction with Rose and hadn't liked it at all. He shared his father's dislike of the Golds and was not happy to see Bonnie approaching his friend. He was glad to see Polly bring the conversation to a swift end.

Polly regarded her niece as she blow out the smoke from her cigarette. Now that she was back, one of her first priorities was to take Rose in hand. She knew all too well what she was dealing with.

"I want to talk to you, Rose."

Sighing, Rose picked up her drink. "Yeah, well, I don't want to talk, Aunt Pol, I want to enjoy the party."

Polly reached out, pushed Rose's arm firmly back on the table and held it there. Rose looked at her in surprise.

"It's not a suggestion, sweetheart. You almost walked into a fire today to join your dead mother. I feel that needs to be discussed, don't you?"

Rose scowled and pulled her arm away. "I would have thought you, of all people, would understand."

"I do understand, I understand better than you do. You're not seeing spirits, Rose, you're seeing what your mind wants to see."

"What's the difference?"

"There's a world of difference. Tommy tells me you're taking tablets. That's what's making your mind see things."

Rose was incredulous. "How is that any different to what you do?"

Polly pursed her lips. She could see Rose's point.

"I'm not taking the tablets anymore. And I still see things. It's second sight, you know that."

Rose shook her head and took a sip of her drink. She didn't really want to continue this conversation. She lit a cigarette of her own and didn't say anything else to Polly. Her aunt watched her, trying to work out how to get through to her.

"Rosie, love, if it was a spirit you saw in that fire, then it wasn't your mum. It wanted you to hurt yourself, it was a bad spirit. You mum wouldn't want that, would she?"

Rose leaned forward on her elbows and studied the table. She traced one of the knots in the wood with her finger and thought about her aunt's question.

"I don't think she wanted me to get hurt, she just wanted me to go with her and John."

Polly put a gentle hand on Rose's arm. "She wanted that or you did?"

Rose frowned as she turned her head to look at her aunt. Polly explained.

"You're in pain, Rose. You've been through a terrible thing and now John's dead. Why wouldn't you want to leave it all behind and find some peace?"

Polly watched her niece's eyes fill with tears as she understood what Polly was saying.

"I'm so tired, Aunt Pol."

Polly pulled her chair over to Rose, put her arm around her and pulled her close. Rose let herself lean into her aunt's embrace and receive the comfort she found there. It had been a long time since she'd let anyone get this close to her but she felt such relief in letting go that she clung to Polly and allowed Polly's strength to take over. Polly stroked Rose's hair and looked over at Tommy who was watching from the other end of the table. Polly knew that this was just the start of helping Rose recover and a large part of what needed to happen next was up to Tommy.

Rose lay against Polly for a while and Polly let her, realising how much she had missed this closeness to her family. She wondered if she should take Rose to Australia with her and Michael. She couldn't imagine Tommy would ever agree to that. She'd think about it. After a while, Rose sat up. She was beginning to feel agitated. Her thoughts were racing again and she recognised the panic inside her. What was she doing letting her guard down? She couldn't let that happen. She reminded herself that it was best if she was alone – that way no one would get hurt again. She knew better than to let Polly know what she was thinking though. She smiled at her.

"I think I'll go home to bed, Aunt Pol."

"OK, that's a good idea. Do you want me to come with you?"

"No, it's ok. I'll ask Arthur to get one of the men to take me. And I've got Fred."

Polly nodded and leaned forward to kiss her forehead.

"You get a good rest, eh, and I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah, good night, Aunt Pol."

Rose found Arthur and asked him if one of the men could take her home. Arthur was well on his way to being too drunk to stand up straight and called loudly for two Peaky men to make sure Rose got safely home and to stay outside the house. He gave Rose a clumsy hug.

"Good night, our Rose. Things will get better, eh? They will."

Rose thought he was trying to convince himself more than her, but hugged him back and said good night. It wasn't long before she back at number six. She put the lights on downstairs and went up to her bedroom. She had no intention of going to bed. She changed out of her black dress and put on a dark skirt with a blouse and cardigan, put her boots and a coat on, then turned out the bedroom light. She whispered to Fred.

"You stay here, Fred, ok? I won't be long but you can't come with me. You'll give me away."

Fred whined when he realised she was leaving him again. How was he supposed to protect her if she kept leaving him behind? Rose felt bad for leaving him but closed the door and went down the stairs to the kitchen. She opened the back door and headed through the back gate to the alleyway. Rose knew the back streets and alleyways of Small Heath like the back of her hand and very quickly made her way across the area, through Saltley to where it bordered with Nechells. This was the very edge of Tommy's safe zone and she knew she was taking a risk, but this was where the Garnett family lived.