In an abandoned office building on the outskirts of Zootopia, two mice were willing away their time. One was (by mouse standards) tall and skinny, the other was comparatively short and had a large head. These were Thumb and Cranium, over twenty years ago they attempted to take over the world... at least once a night. With Thumb's plans backfiring in one way or another.
"Cranium... do you know why my brilliant plans to take over the world always failed?" Thumb asked as Cranium ran in a hamster wheel.
"Well... sometimes I bungle them. But other times, you ignore things that I say or do that turn out to have been helpful, or some small thing happens that throws the plan out of whack, or you screw it up-"
"My INTENDED point was that I only ever used obscure sciences, or ludicrous devices of my design in order to take over the world," Thumb said, cutting off Cranium.
"And what about that time we tried to raid Fort Knox but we couldn't-" Thumb then bopped Cranium on the head.
"Cranium... can you stay quiet for a minute?" Thumb said in irritation.
"I'll count... how long is a minute again?" Cranium asked.
Thumb pinched the bridge of his nose. "Look... I have managed to acquire a magical artifact." Thumb said as he pulled down a tissue paper, underneath it was some manner of talisman. "Supposedly this talisman can induce anger into a subject. Turning them into a monster under the command of whoever had the talisman."
"Egad Thumb brilliant! But... wait no, how would that help you take over the world?" Cranium asked.
"I would use this monster in question, to take over the world!" Thumb said, clenching his fist as he looked at the talisman.
"Oh... so we find an EweTube commenter and-"
"Actually... that won't really work. Mostly because due to our financial troubles we've been stuck with a Windows XP since the twilight days of the nineties... and the blasted thing can't handle EweTube anyway. However... I already have an idea." Thumb said.
XXXX
"Okay Brain... why are we at the Blackpaw Publishing building?" Cranium asked as he and Thumb were disguised as delivery mice, and holding the talisman.
"Why, we're giving this to someone," Thumb said.
"To who?" Cranium asked.
"Well that's a bit of a story... you remember that time we went to a karaoke bar and almost went deaf?" Thumb asked.
"How could I forget? My ears were ringing for weeks from that death metal... who does that? And who can do that sort of thing? That voice wasn't mammalian." Cranium said as he shuddered in fear of the memory.
"Well, I did a little digging... and I found out our mysterious death metal enthusiast works in the Blackpaw Publishing accountant department," Thumb said.
"Narg... must be pretty stressful. Having to... COUNT all day." Cranium said in awe.
"Cranium, you need to count your toes to go past 'eight'." Thumb cracked, the elevator stopped, and in stepped Anna Blackpaw, and Davies Hopps.
"Man, what a morning... do we really have to go to accounting?" Davies asked of Anna.
"Davies, when my accountants can't focus on their work. I like to know why... hopefully, it's not a case of the supervisors piling there work on their subordinates just so they can head home on time. Again." Anna said in frustration.
"Thumb... it's him!" Cranium said in barely contained excitement at the sight of Davies.
"Cranium... if you must talk to him. Wait for me to-" Cranium wasted no time in dropping his end of the talisman, dropping it on Thumb.
"Mr. Hopps! My name is Cranium! I am such a big fan of Penguin Pals!" Cranium said, practically gushing at the rabbit.
"Oh... a fan... goody," Davies said, putting on a fake smile.
"Davies, just give the mouse the curtesy," Anna said.
"What do you think I'm trying to do?" Davies said through his teeth.
"My favorite episode was the one where Monty went to a carnival, and he got sick from eating bad cheese!" Cranium said.
"Oh... well that one was my least favorite. I was stuck in a corner... and that nonsense was the best I can think of anyway." Davies admitted, he then noticed Thumb struggling under the covered talisman. "Need help with this?" Davies asked as he lifted the talisman off of Thumb. "The heck is this thing anyway?" Davies asked.
"It's a magical artifact that we will be using in a plot to take over the world," Thumb said.
"Which is code for, we are delivering an ordinary paperweight to someone who works in the accounting department!" Cranium said hastily. "REMEMBER THUMB... paperweight delivery?"
"We'll be heading there ourselves anyway... Davies if you would do the honors?" Anna said as the elevator reached the intended floor.
"With pleasure my lady," Davies said as he readied a bosun's whistle. When the elevator doors open, he blew on it. "CEO ON DECK!" He shouted as the two bunnies and two mice left.
"Why do you always do that?" Cranium asked.
"Do what?" Thumb asked.
"Admit what we're really doing, instead of whatever lie you cooked up as an excuse to relieve suspicion?" Cranium asked.
"Never mind that Cranium, we're almost there," Thumb said as they made their way to the talismans intended recipient. Eventually, they found a cubicle with a young red panda female in it.
"We're here," Thumb said.
"Oh... so where's the death metal singer?" Cranium asked.
"It's her... the red panda," Thumb said, his eyes alight with joy at the sight of the young accountant.
"...really Thumb? You really expect me to believe that such a sweet young lady could be the unknown death metal singer?" Cranium said in disbelief.
"Is this a species thing Cranium? Regardless, I did my research; she's the one who nearly deafened us. And she's getting the talisman. Now be quiet and I'll do all the talking." Thumb said he approached the red panda. "Excuse me, are you Ms. Aka Gekido?" Cranium asked.
"Y-Yes... sorry, my English is not perfect," Aka answered meekly.
"Regardless, the AJAX Corporation would like to give you a free piece of fine jewelry," Thumb said as he and Cranium undid the paper on the talisman.
"Oh... it is... pretty," Aka said, clearly struggling with her English as she took the talisman. "But... I recognize symbol on necklace. It mean 'anger'." She said, pointing to the Japanese character on the talisman.
"Young lady, we just deliver the items. We're not privy to the actual contents or their significance. We can take this back... but it might be months, even years before we can get you a new one." Thumb said, lying through his teeth.
"Oh... then I keep it anyway," Aka said as she put the talisman around her neck. "Thank you, it is best birthday present I got since coming to states."
"That is very depressing miss!" Cranium said.
XXXX
Eventually, Cranium and Thumb returned to their hideout.
"So... when does it happen?" Cranium asked.
"If my calculations are correct, and went aren't they? The transformation should happen when she next visits the karaoke bar. The talisman requires an intense outburst of anger in order to activate." Thumb said proudly.
"Okay... but there is one thing that's slipped my mind in all this." Cranium said.
"Only one?" Cranium said sardonically.
"How would you control the big scary rage monster?" Thumb asked Cranium tried to say something.
"I... sweet mother of mercy. I knew I was forgetting something!" Cranium admitted.
On a nearby TV, a ZNN broadcast began. "This just in, we've received reports of an enormous monster in the downtown area. Collin, are you there?"
The screen changed to a balding ferret in a helicopter. "Yes! And I can't even begin to describe what I'm seeing... mainly because I am FAR TOO scared to explain what's happening!" Colin said, clearly scared out of his mind.
"Can you at least aim the camera AT the monster?" Moosebridge asked.
The camera eventually settled on an enormous nine-tailed mammal-like beast... one that had distinctly ringed red panda tails. "CHOKE ON MY ANGER! CHOKE ON MY RAGE! BURN IN MY ANGER! BURN IN MY RAGE!" The monsterized Aka shrieked as it tore into buildings.
"Does this answer any questions or does it just raise more!?" Collin said in terror.
"We're going to have to undo this aren't we?" Cranium asked.
"No... We're going to leave this to the authorities. They can handle this mess." Thumb said coldly.
"But Thumb-" Cranium then whacked Thumb over the head with a spoon.
"No! I'm going to work on another plan for world domination... and this time I'll do more than order mystic artifacts online again. Just get some sleep; we'll have big things going on tomorrow night." Cranium said.
"Why? Narg! What are we going to do tomorrow night?" Cranium asked.
"The same thing we do every night... try to take over the world!" Thumb said.
To be continued...