No.
No.
No-no-no-no.
The single word kept echoing in Regina's mind. She shook her head. Over and over again.
This couldn't be real.
She didn't want it to be real.
Then why was it?
Why was the truth right there in front of her?
It was real.
Terribly real.
The truth had teeth.
Big, sharp, horrible teeth.
The truth was snarling at her.
Making her cower.
"I-it was right after it had happened. When you were in the hospital," Henry's voice was small. Broken. Each word a punch to her gut. The truth poured from him. The truth was a knife reopening the wounds in her. It made her bleed.
"Aunt Z had fallen asleep in the waiting room while we were waiting to go and see you, b-but I didn't wanna wait until she had woken up, so I-I..." Henry swallowed. He blinked. Tears spilled from his eyes. "I snuck into your room with her. I sat right next to you while you slept and talked to you, but then your doctor and a nurse came in, and I was afraid of getting in trouble because I had snuck in without Aunt Z, so I hid in the bathroom..." He choked on his words. Rubbed a fist over his eyes as though willing himself to stop crying. "They started talking about you. About what had happened. About how "he" wasn't nice to you."
He.
He.
He.
Always 'he'.
He's not here physically, but he's still reaching out for her. His shadow like fingers are grabbing at her. Pulling her back in.
"And I..." Henry's voice was muffled now. Regina felt herself being shifted a bit. Was Henry touching her? Leaning into her? She could not feel it.
"I h-heard something a few weeks before you went to the hospital. It was late at night, and I had gone downstairs to get some water. When I came back, I heard you and him whisper in t-the bedroom and then I heard him... I heard him not being nice to you again."
There was a metal string tied around her chest. It was too tight. Constricting. She couldn't catch her breath.
"He... He hurt you!" Henry sobbed, and Regina was shifted again. "He hurt you so you had to go to the hospital and couldn't wake up for a w-week! He... He did that to you!"
Regina wanted to comfort her son. More than anything, she wanted to console her boy. She wanted to tell him that everything was okay.
But she couldn't.
Because he was here.
Killian.
Her tormenter. Her executioner. The man who had been a hair away from becoming the man who murdered her.
He was right there. In the corner. For every time she blinked, he became more and more visible.
Regina wanted to scream. Wanted to beg the people around her to save her. Why couldn't they see him? He was right there!
But her voice was silent.
Gone.
Taken.
And she couldn't breathe.
The metal bond was tight around her chest.
The breath hitched in her throat.
He was coming closer. Coming towards her.
Regina could feel his fingers around her throat.
She could feel him everywhere.
He was violating her all over again.
And Henry…. Oh god, Henry.
She had fought so hard to keep him safe.
His safety had been what motivated her to finally decide to leave the man who had abused her. She had decided to leave Killian Jones to keep her son from harm.
But it was too late. Henry had already been harmed.
Because she had been too fucking stupid to leave.
Why hadn't she left?
Why had she been stupid enough to think that things would change?
She should have left after the first time Killian had raised a hand to her.
So why hadn't she?
All of this could have been avoided if she only had left. She would still have been able to speak. Henry wouldn't be carrying this weight on his young shoulders.
She had let the door open.
She had welcomed a monster into their home. And she had done it willingly.
And because of her stupidity, the same monster had stolen Henry's innocence.
Killian Jones had ruined her son's childhood.
"No. No, no, no."
There was a voice close to her ear. Muffled. So close yet so far away. Too far away to reach her.
She couldn't breathe.
Killian was smiling at her from the shadows.
All the times he hurt her flared up in Regina's mind.
Henry tumbled through her memories. She saw him sitting in his room, hands covering his ears, but the sound of Killian hitting her still penetrating the shield.
All this time.
He knew.
All this time.
He played along on the lie because he couldn't find a way to tell her that he knew.
All this time, the truth had been right there in front of her.
His night terrors.
His fear of leaving her.
His fear of her leaving him.
And had Regina only opened her eyes, she could have seen it.
But she hadn't.
Because she had been too fucking weak to handle anything except for herself and her own pain and grief.
And all this time, her little boy had been hurting. All this time, he had carried around this terrible secret he hadn't been able to tell anyone.
This was her fault. Hers and hers alone.
Her fault.
Her fault.
You were supposed to keep him safe…
You failed him…
You're his mother. You're supposed to shield him. And instead you've ruined his childhood.
Her heart was thundering in her chest. It felt like it was going to shatter. Like she was going to shatter. Again. Once again taken down by Killian Jones.
There was no escaping him, was there? Would he always be reaching out for her?
She could have taken that. She could have taken another beating. Another assault.
But not Henry. Never Henry. Anything but him. He could beat her, break her, but he couldn't hurt Henry.
And yet he had.
She had let him hurt Henry.
This was it.
The reason why she had held up nine fingers instead of ten when the pain in her throat had been excruciating. The nurses had praised her for her bravery. Had called her a 'warrior' because she had held up nine fingers when it really should be ten.
But it had had nothing to do with bravery.
She had held on to the highest number on the pain scale because she was certain that one day she was going to need it.
And this was it.
This was a ten out of ten pain.
They could have sliced her throat open while she was still fully conscious, and it wouldn't have hurt half as much as this.
Her precious son.
His precious childhood.
Ruined.
Because of her.
Because she hadn't been strong enough or brave enough to throw out the monster.
The metal bond tightened around her chest again.
Because she had been too dumb to recognize the wolf in sheep's clothing she had brought into their lives.
She could not breathe. She could not breathe. She could not breathe.
"One… Two… Three."
The numbers were gently tossed out to her like a lifeboat in a stormy sea.
But the boat was too far away. The waves were too high. Regina couldn't swim. She was smashed against the sharp rocks again and again.
Killian Jones was the giant sea serpent hissing at her as she struggled to stay afloat.
"Four. F-five. Six. Seven."
The numbers pushed the boat closer to her. The sea serpent was growing smaller.
"Eight. Nine. Ten. Eleven."
The waves stopped roaring.
"Twelve. Thirteen. Fourteen."
The voices were not just voices calling out to her from a different shore. They were right here. Regina climbed into the boat. Now the current was working with her. Taking her away from the sea serpent.
"Fifteen. Sixteen. Seventeen."
The metal bond sitting snugly around her chest loosened. She could breathe. She could take the air all the way into her lungs. Thank god.
"Eighteen. Nineteen. Twenty."
There was a hand pressing softly against her heart. A warm palm. Regina recognized that warm palm.
It suddenly occurred to Regina that she could feel her body. She was not a leaf blowing in the wind. She was not drowning in the roaring waves.
"That's it. Just breathe, babe. We're right here. You can do this. You're already doing it. I'm so proud of you. So, so proud!"
"I love you, mom."
Henry.
"Did you hear that? Both Henry and I are right here. And we love you so much. Just focus on your breathing. Stay in the present. You're in a safe place. There's nothing that can hurt you here."
Emma.
They were here. Both of them were here.
Regina breathed. Easily. As gentle as a light summer breeze.
"Yeah. That's it," Emma gently praised her. "In through your nose, and out through your mouth. Nice and slowly. I know what you're feeling is scary right now, but we're here. We're not going to leave you. Not ever." Her shoulder was squeezed gently. "We're here. You're not going through this alone."
"I love you, mom." Her cheek was kissed.
She let out a puff of air. Blinked. She was here. Right here. The shadows in the room were just that. Shadows. Sea serpents was not real. She was hurting, yes, of course she was. This was still a ten out of ten. But shutting down, escaping the pain wasn't going to solve anything. She needed to feel this pain. She needed to be in the moment so she could help her son.
"That's it," Emma said softly. "There you are. You were awesome at focusing on your breathing. You did so, so, so well, beautiful."
"Hi, mom." Henry gave her a pale smile. "Are you okay?"
No. No. No, no, she was not at all okay. But it wasn't about her right now. It was about her son. So she nodded, a quick, feverish thing, and opened her arms for her son.
Henry reacted by immediately crawling into her lap and wrapping his arms tightly around her. A ragged breath exploded out of her. Everything tightened painfully. Her shoulders began trembling in silent sobs. The tears stained her cheeks, poured out of her like she was trying to create a different kind of ocean.
Henry was crying too. Regina gently cradled his face and kissed his cheeks, his forehead. As horrible as it was to watch her child cry, this also was a good thing. Henry's tears meant that he was feeling. He was feeling all the things that made him cry, and that was good. Henry needed to feel. He needed to let it all out after having kept things bottled up for so long. The floodgates needed to open so the water could be let out in one, big rush.
Regina draped one arm tightly around her son and squeezed him to her. Then she reached out and fumbled blindly to find Emma.
Her hand was taken. Squeezed. Regina tugged Emma closer. There was to be no distance between them right now. They needed each other. All three of them.
A cheek was pressed against her pajama-clad shoulder. Emma was right here with her. The scent of her vanilla body shower wafted into Regina's nostrils. The best scent in the world.
Regina hugged her little prince closer. Combed her fingers through his hair as he cried. An arm was draped around her shoulder. Regina turned her head just a little so she could kiss Emma's jaw. That was the only part of Emma she could reach from her current position. But she hoped that she was able to pour all her unspoken words into that one gesture.
I love you. Thank you for being here. We're a family.
"I love you," Emma whispered as though she was able to read Regina's mind. "I love you both. So, so much!"
"We love you too," Henry sobbed.
Regina could only nod in agreement, and this time, it was Henry's open affection towards Emma that had tears spilling onto her cheeks.
"What on earth is going on in here? What's happened?!"
A quick up told Regina that Zelena had just come into the room. She was standing by the door in her green bathrobe and looked very confused and alarmed.
Henry slowly lifted his head. Looked at Zelena and then back to Regina.
Regina nodded at him. Kissed his cheek. Tell her, my little prince. Tell her what you told me. It is okay. You can tell her. You're in a safe place. I've got you. Your mom is here now. I am so sorry that I wasn't before, but I am now.
Henry turned his head and looked at Zelena again. "I k-know what happened to mom." The confession was whispered in the quiet hotel room. The words were floating in the air until they at last reached Zelena.
She frowned and her confusion only seemed to intensity. "The accident? I don't-"
No. Regina silenced her sister by looking at her. No more accidents. No more lies. The truth was here. And no matter how many sharp edges it had, it needed to be here. It needed to be said. And much more importantly, it needed to be heard.
"N-no," Henry whispered and shook his head. "What really happened."
What.
Really.
Happened.
The words were needles punctuating Regina's skin.
"Oh god..." Zelena's face drained of color so fast, Regina feared that she would be needing medical attention. "No! Oh no! God, no!" The last 'no' was choked up. Now Zelena was crying too.
Regina outstretched a hand towards her sister and urged to come and be with them. None of them should be on their own tonight. Zelena was a part of this family too. A very important part.
Zelena came over to the bed. Grabbed her hand and climbed up. Now all four of them were gathered. All of them part of the truth that had needed to be said aloud.
"H-how?" Zelena whispered, clearly trying to figure out which question to ask first. There was no easy answer to that. And her question came out in a pile. "How did you... When did you...?"
"While mom was in the hospital the first time," Henry answered quietly. He was still clinging onto Regina like he was the one in the ocean, and she his lifebuoy. "It was two days after she had gotten to the hospital. You had fallen asleep in the waiting room, and I really wanted to see her..."
The explanation didn't hurt any less the second time. Regina ached, ached, ached for her son when he told his aunt the story of how he had hid in the bathroom. What he had heard. The words he hadn't understood. What he had googled on Zelena's phone. And the memory of what he had heard weeks prior. A loud clap in the night. The sound of Regina's cheek being slapped for the thousandth time during her relationship with Killian.
Regina did not remember the reason why he had slapped her. At least not what he had considered to be the reason. She remembered the slap, yes of course. She remembered all of them. Every single time he had raised his hand to her. But the tragic part was that many of the reasons why he had slapped her this or that night, had simply escaped her. She had been slapped too many times by him to remember all the reasons. The reasons had blurred together into one big reason: he hated her.
"You've known all this time." Zelena looked and sounded completely devastated.
"Y-yeah," Henry whispered and looked at Regina. His voice trembled when he told her: "I d-didn't want to tell because you were s-so s-s-sick. I didn't want to make you sicker."
Oh, Henry. Regina pulled him into her arms and hugged him as tightly as she possibly could. Her precious, darling boy. How horrible this had been for him. How he was aching from carrying around such dark knowledge for such a long time. And all this time, he had pretended. He had played along for her sake. Because he had feared that the truth would make her sick again.
No little boy should endure this.
No little boy should walk around with such adult secrets.
It wasn't right.
It would never be right.
But Regina couldn't go back in time and change what had happened.
She could only be here right now and support her son.
Help him through this.
Yes.
She would be here every step of the way. She would communicate openly with him. Answer whatever question he might have for her. And she would encourage him to speak freely. No more secrets. No more lies.
"But E-Emma said that I had to tell you," Henry said. His voice was muffled against her shoulder. "Otherwise my stomach would keep hurting. And s-she was right."
Regina turned her head and looked at Emma. The love she felt for her right now was indescribable. Long had she suspected that Emma was some kind of angel brought to her by a miracle. And tonight, it was like her suspicion had been confirmed.
"He told me while you were having the surgery," Emma said quickly, rushing to explain. Her voice was a bit hectic. "I couldn't tell you. He had to do that himself."
Of course. Regina nodded.
Lifting his head slightly, Henry asked: "you're not mad, are you?" His voice was tight with concern and anxiety. "That I told Emma before telling you?"
No, no, no, no. Regina shook her head many times to assure. She kissed her son's cheek. Then Emma's. After a moment, she loosened her grip around Henry. She needed her hands to sign. She needed to be able to tell her son exactly how she felt. He needed to know that she was the furthest thing from mad about this.
Her fingers danced hectically in the air, but Henry had no problem with keeping up and translating the signs into speech he could say aloud in a small, broken voice that trembled: "I am so proud of you for telling Emma about this. And I am even prouder that you told me." he sniffled as she signed again, and his voice was a bit hoarse as he translated: "I am so sorry you know about this. But not because I wanted to keep things from you. I am sorry because there even was something for you to find out about in the first place."
Regina stopped signing. She had said what needed to be said.
Henry hugged her tightly once more. "Mom, I am so, so, so sorry he hurt you like that!"
Me, too, my little prince. Me, too. Regina nodded and new tears spilled onto her cheeks. She wrapped her arms around her son again. She supposed that all four of them were crying now. But the four of them were also so connected right now. Henry was in her lap with his arms around her. The two of them clinging to each other. Zelena's shoulder was brushing against hers. She had a hand on Henry's shoulder. Emma had an arm around her shoulder. Regina lifted one arm from Henry's shoulder so she could take Emma's hand and squeeze her fingers gently. She had never felt less alone than she did right now. Even if she was sniffling into Henry's hair and he was hiccupping against her shoulder. Somewhere between grieving and healing. Flushing it all out. Getting everything out in the open. She scratched her fingers up and down her son's back. Like she had done a million times when he had a fever.
"I- I was so scared when Aunt Z got the call from the hospital," Henry whispered into her shoulder. "Seeing you lie there all bruised and asleep and surrounded by all those weird machines.. It d-didn't even look like you!" He hiccupped. "I f-felt all sick when I found out about what had happened.. What he had done to you, but I couldn't tell anyone because Aunt Z told me that you had been in a bad car accident, and that was why you were in the hospital. I- I didn't understand that. At first I thought…." He took a shuddering breath. "I thought that maybe I was the only one who knew. That the doctor hadn't told Aunt Z the truth, but after a while, I figured out that she did know but just didn't want to tell me." He turned his head and looked at his crying aunt. "Don't feel bad, Aunt Z. I know you did it to p-protect me."
"I did," Zelena whispered. "I am so sorry, Henry. I thought I was doing the right thing! All of this is my fault! If I hadn't blurted out that stupid lie, none of this would-"
But Regina silenced her by shaking her head gently. Zelena was not to blame for this.
"I hate him!" Henry said strangled. "I hate him, mom!"
Regina squeezed her son's hands. He was allowed to hate Killian Jones. He was allowed to cuss and be angry. As long as that anger didn't destroy him.
"How could he d-do this?" Now her son was whispering. "Why did he do this? He was supposed to love you! You were getting m-married! How could he be so cruel?!"
Regina wished that she had an answer for him. She wished that she could tell him the exact reason why Killian Jones had found it necessary to beat her.
But there was no answers.
At least no simplified answer that would make sense immediately.
The reason for Killian's horrific actions was rooted deep in his childhood where his father beat his mother. Perhaps he had carried a deep hatred towards his mother because she hadn't left his father. Perhaps he had seen Regina as a surrogate version of his mother he could punish for being weak.
Or perhaps he had simply learned that woman were pathetic and worthless and could only be used for one thing.
There were many reasons why Killian Jones had turned out the way he had.
"S-sometimes I hear the sound," Henry whispered and brought Regina back to reality. "The sound it made when he h-hit you. I… I think a lot about that sound. And I feel g-g-guilty." He sniffled and looked up at Regina with tears in his eyes. "I could have stopped it! If I had told Aunt Z about the sound, she would have known what the sound was, and she could have made it stop! But I didn't say anything, because I didn't know and I…" He broke down again and cried into her pajamas.
Regina did not soothe him with hugs or kisses. Not because she did not want to. Of course she did. There was nothing she wanted more than to hug and kiss her son while assuring him that everything would be alright.
But not right now. Henry needed his. He needed to be allowed to speak without any interruptions. He needed for her to sit and listen while she squeezed his hands to assure him that she was right there.
"I... I thought you were going to d-die," Henry whispered, nearly choking on the words. "I was so scared you wouldn't wake up again!"
Regina opened her arms and Henry immediately crawled into her lap and hugged her. Though not with the same intensity as before. It was as though he was shrinking in her arms. Regina rocked him back and forward exactly like she did when he was a little boy small enough to fit in her arms. All those nights where he had woken up crying and needed to be picked up.
No matter how big he got…. She would always be there to pick him up. He would always be her baby. Her little Prince.
Regina stroked his back and scratched lightly against it. Henry had stopped sniffling. He was sagging against her. His arms had become limp around her.
Regina bowed her head and kissed the top of his head. It's alright, my sweet boy. You can rest now. You can sleep easily. I am here. And I know. Thank you for trusting me with this. I will help you through this, I promise. Because, my sweet boy, there is a way through this. I will help you find the path. I will be there with you every step of the way.
His breathing had evened out. He was limp in her arms. Asleep. Thank god. What he needed right now, was a good night of sleep. Things wouldn't automatically be sorted out when he woke up, but a new day always brought new hope. New possibilities.
Regina carefully cradled the back of her son's head as though he had been a newborn baby as she gently laid him down in the bed. Positioned his head on the pillow and pulled the covers up to ensure that he would stay warm tonight.
Henry didn't react to any of this. He was fast asleep with his lips slightly parted and eyelashes resting against his cheek. Regina could still see a few tears in them. Her poor boy. How he had suffered. How horrible the weight on his shoulders had been.
With Henry asleep, Regina could feel her own pain again. The pain in her stomach. The pain in her head, her heart. And the throbbing pain radiating from her throat. Oh god, it hurt so much! Burning hot iron being forced down her throat.
A warm hand touched her shoulder, but Regina wasn't able to focus on the touch right now.
Her hand shook as she opened the bedside drawer and found a blank piece of paper and a pencil. As quickly as she could, with her trembling fingers, she wrote on the paper: 'my throat hurts very badly. Do you think it would be okay if I had another pill? Or possibly half a pill?' She didn't even hold the note up so Emma could read it. Emma had to turn her head in an awkward angle to be able to read.
"Yes," Emma said softly. "I think that would be completely fine. I'll be right back." She stood from the bed and left the hotel room quickly.
Regina turned her head. Henry was still asleep. He looked so small, so innocent and so peaceful when he slept. The sight of him, with wet splotches on his cheeks yet still looking so peaceful, broke something within her, and she bit her lip and pressed a hand to her mouth to muffle whatever ragged sounds that might emanate from her broken throat. She couldn't risk Henry hearing her and waking up. Not when he was sleeping so peacefully.
"Come here." Another warm hand on her shoulder.
Regina turned her head and saw her sister standing on the floor.
"Come here," Zelena repeated.
Regina got on her feet and wobbled over to her sister. She was immediately engulfed in a hug.
"I am sorry," Zelena whispered. "I am so, so sorry, Regina."
Regina had no reaction to give. She was drained. So, so tired. But also so, so heartbroken about this. It wasn't fucking fair that her son should pay for this. He was innocent. That Killian's looming shadow had stretched long enough to touch him as well, wasn't fair.
Not fair.
Not fair.
Not fair.
I wish that I had never met him. I wish that I never had sat foot in that bar. I wish that I hadn't called him.
I should have left.
I should have packed my things.
I should have-
The door creaked.
Regina peered over her sister's shoulder and saw Emma standing in the doorway.
"I... I brought your medicine," she said quietly, holding out the glass of water and her palm with the little white pill as proof.
Regina freed herself from Zelena's embrace. She walked over to Emma. Her hands kept trembling as she reached out and took the half pill and glass of water from Emma. She laid the pill on her tongue and began to drink the water. Swallowing hurt. Hurt, hurt, hurt.
Her throat tightened and spasmed.
Her vision blurred.
"You need to lie down."
Regina shook her head no. She did not want to.
"Please?" Emma palmed her face with warm, gentle hands. "You're in pain, and you just had a panic attack. You're drained, my love. You need to rest."
Tired. So, so tired. But not yet ready to lie down. Instead she flung herself at Emma. Didn't care whether she would end up knocking them both down. She wrapped her arms tightly around Emma's neck.
Emma did not fall. Simply wrapped her arms around Regina's waist. Buried her face in her hair. "And hugs," she whispered. "You need those too. Lots of them."
All the hugs in the world. A hug that was so solid and tight, it would make all the small broken pieces within her fit together again. A hug that could glue her broken heart back together. Regina sniffled.
"I'm here," Emma whispered. "I'm right here."
Regina cried in her arms. Silent, broken sobs. She cried for her son who had to live with a part of his childhood being cloaked in shadows. She cried for Henry and the grim secret she unintentionally had forced him to carry around. For the part of his innocence that had been stolen from him. She cried because she had made so many bad decisions. She cried because hadn't left Killian when he struck her the first time. And she cried because her throat fucking hurt.
Her tears could have washed her away completely. Could have sent her tumbling down an unsteady stream and right back into that ocean.
But they didn't. Because she had an anchor. A Swan who refused to let her go no matter how much she trembled under the weight of her grief. The scent of Emma's vanilla shampoo grounded her. Helped her staying.
"I love you," Emma whispered and stroked her hair and rubbed her back. "I. Love. You. I'm here. Let it all out. You're safe, you're safe."
She cried until she had absolutely nothing more to give. No tears. Just eyes that stung and a throat that throbbed.
At some point, Emma gently guided her over to one of the plushy chairs and helped her sit down. Zelena gave her a tissue, and Regina blew her nose. Then took a deep breath. Her body felt heavy. Her thoughts fuzzy around the edges. Her throat less aching. The medicine had started to work. But it couldn't relieve the pain in her heart. She wiped her eyes in another tissue and looked at the still sleeping Henry. Her poor, innocent boy who had been dragged into this.
"Please tell me what's going on in your head right now," Emma said softly. She was kneeling in front of the chair. Her hand was on Regina's knee.
'Guilty', Regina signed. There was no other way to put it.
"No!" Emma and Zelena said in unison. The hand Emma had on her knee trembled slightly, and Zelena came closer. She shook her head firmly. "You have nothing to feel guilty about, Regina."
Not true. Regina motioned for the pencil and paper she had left on the nightstand, and once both items had been given to her, she placed the piece of paper on her thigh and began writing. The pencil shook in her hand. She was not sure whether it was from emotion or the effect of the medicine. Her writing was messy. But she still managed to voice her feelings: 'I am his mother. It is my job to protect him from harm. And instead of doing that I exposed him to something so horrible and evil. My son is traumatized because I wasn't brave enough to leave before things escalated.' She had failed. Her biggest, most important job in this world was to keep Henry from harm. And she had failed that task.
Again, she made no attempt at showing either of the bystanders the paper.
But both Emma and Zelena read what she had written. Zelena was the first one to react. "Henry is traumatized because that bloody, miserable fucktard hurt you," she said firmly, nearly hissing the words out. "I will NOT hear you trying to take the blame for this, is that clear? This is not your fault. It never has been, and it never will be!"
"She's right," Emma said. Her voice was soft. Kind. Caring. "What happened was not your fault, beautiful. You were manipulated by him. He kept telling you that he would change, and the fact that you gave him the benefit of the doubt only shows how good and kind and wonderful you are. How you see the good in people. And he took advantage of that. The fault is his. Not yours."
Was that right? Was she truly without fault in this? Regina sniffled and hid her face in her hands. If it truly wasn't her fault… Why did it feel like she was responsible? Was that Killian Jones still manipulating her from the shadows? Was she allowing him to whisper lies in her ears still?
Emma's arms encircled her. Held her close. Anchored her. She was not allowed to disappear. Nor would she.
"You tried to leave the second he threated Henry," Zelena reminded her. Now her voice was soft too. Convincing. Banishing the lies Killian had whispered in her ear. "You stood up to him and physically fought him the moment he threated your son. If that isn't bravery, I don't know what is."
"Hear, hear." Emma dropped a kiss on her hair. "You are without a doubt the bravest, strongest woman I've ever met, and I will not let you sit here and convince yourself otherwise."
"Nor will I." Zelena touched her shoulder softly.
Regina sniffled again and lifted her heavy head so she could look at them. Her sister. Her partner. The two people she loved the most in this world. Save for the little boy who currently was asleep, of course.
"You cannot be blamed for hoping that someone you loved would change," Zelena murmured. "And you certainly cannot be blamed for trying to change that person."
Indeed, she had tried to change Killian Jones. Had even tried rescuing him. And it hadn't worked. Of course not. Because you could not rescue someone who didn't want to be rescued. And Killian Jones most certainly hadn't been interested in changing. Not for her. Not for anybody.
Killian Jones was behind bars. He would never get to her again. Not to her, nor to Henry. That should be the most important thing.
Regina wiped her eyes and tried her best to smile. Every time she blinked, her eyelids seemed to want to stay closed. She was so, so tired. Exhaustion mixed with the effect of the half pill was doing a number on her.
"You should get some rest, beautiful."
This time, Regina didn't brush aside the suggestion. She nodded in agreement instead. She most definitely needed some rest. On shaky legs, she rose from the plushy chair. Emma gently took her by the elbow and helped over to the bed.
Regina climbed up and curled under the covers. It didn't wake Henry, but she still felt him cuddle closer to her. Even when sleeping, he knew that she was there. Good.
She wrapped an arm around him, but then remembered that this was Zelena's bed and not hers. Oh. She looked doubtfully up at Zelena and Emma.
"We can share a room," Zelena said quickly, coming to her aid. "That's not a problem at all."
"Definitely not," Emma chirped in. "Of course you wanna be with Henry tonight."
She really did. She nodded once and dropped her head to the pillow. She was so, so tired.
"Goodnight, babe," Emma said softly.
"Goodnight, little sis," Zelena added. "Bang on the door if you or the kid needs anything, okay?"
Regina nodded again and closed her eyes. Was only half conscious when she heard the door to her hotel room being opened and closed. She held her son a little closer. Not to use him as an anchor, but to assure him that she was there. That she would fight off whatever monster he might meet in his dreams. She forced one eye open and looked at her son. Still asleep. Lips parted. Eyelids still and not fluttering. Perhaps he would sleep through the night. Regina wished that for him. That was what he needed. A good night of sleep. And tomorrow, when he woke up, she would be there to wipe his tears or hug him. Whatever he needed, he could have it.
That was when he made a little snuffling sound. Regina stiffened for a moment. Was he waking up again?
No. Henry kept on sleeping.
Regina closed her eyes and smiled a little upon realizing that the snuffling sound hadn't been one of distress. It had been the same sound Henry made when he had dozed off on the couch after a night of Disney movie and popcorn. A good sound. Thank god….
Regina woke. Sunlight was streaming in through the window, and next to her, Henry was waking too. She immediately wrapped an arm around him and gave a squeeze. Just to remind him that she was there.
"Mmmph," Henry said hoarsely. You could tell that he had been crying a lot yesterday. "Good morning, mom."
Regina squeezed him again. Good morning, my little prince.
Henry rolled onto his other side to they were face to face. "My stomach doesn't hurt as much today," he told her and gave a meek smile. "Last night, I felt really sick, but now I'm actually kind of hungry…"
Relief flooded Regina. Thank god. When they went downstairs to have breakfast later, Henry could have as many pancakes or waffles as he wanted.
"Mom?"
Regina nodded to show that she was listening.
"I just wanted to say that what happened with…" Henry wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Buttface…"
That nearly threw her off. If it hadn't been for the sincerity in Henry's voice, Regina could have erupted in silent laughter. Buttface? Where on earth had he gotten that from? It was very creative.
And very appropriate too.
"It wasn't your fault," Henry continued. "All those bad things he did… None of it was your fault. You can't think that it was your fault, because it wasn't. It was his fault. He was a stupid, mean buttface!"
I know. Regina silently formed the words and smiled at her son. Her wise son. Of course he was right. Absolutely right. It wasn't her fault. Killian had taught her to always doubt herself and take the blame whether she needed to or not, but no more! Regina refused to live like that anymore. Refused to be in that mindset a moment longer. Killian had abused her because of Killian. He had been the sole reason for her misery, and she hadn't seen the red flags before it was too late because there hadn't been anything to see. Nothing to worry about. Killian had fooled her. A cat among the pigeons. A wolf in sheep's clothing. And everything had been entirely his fault. From the moment he slapped her the first time and until the moment he had wrapped his belt around her neck with the intention to kill her. End of story.
"Mom?"
Pulled out of her thoughts, Regina smiled at her son to show that she was listening.
"You know how you see Doctor Kristine and talk to her when things are tough?" Henry asked.
Regina nodded attentively.
"I was just thinking," he mumbled and scratched his head. "Maybe I should try see a doctor like her? Maybe it could be good if I talked to someone like her? Not that I don't want to talk to you or Emma," he hastily added. "It's just…"
Regina interrupted him by patting his cheek. Then lifting her hands so she could sign: 'Of course. We'll find you someone nice like Doctor Kristine. Someone you can talk to about the things that are hard for you to talk to me about. You know that you can come to me with everything, no matter what it is, but I think it is a very good idea if you also had someone else to talk to."
"Thanks." Henry kissed her cheek. "I love you, mom."
'I love you too, my little prince. So very much. And I am so proud of you.' So very proud of him for making such a mature decision. Not many ten year olds would have the capacity to realize that they needed to speak to a professional. Most ten year olds would have balked and defended themselves by saying that they weren't 'crazy'. Henry knew that he wasn't crazy. He was just smart enough to know that he needed help. And Regina was going to get him that!
"I'm proud of you too," Henry said softly. "You were really awesome last night when me and Emma counted, and you listened to us instead of disappearing."
That meant more to her than he could imagine. Regina kissed his cheek. Then Henry announced that he needed to go to the bathroom. But he stopped halfway there and said: "mom?"
Regina looked attentively at him.
"I'm not mad at you or Aunt Z for not telling me the truth," he said softly. "I know you guys only did it to protect me." Then he disappeared into the bathroom.
Regina adjusted in bed. Figured out how she felt. Of course she was still sad, very sad. It broke her heart that Henry had kept this dark secret for so long.
But there was also a glimmer of hope on the horizon. A belief that they could overcome this. Together. That Henry still could have a good childhood despite this.
Regina found her phone and typed in 'child psychologist Vancouver'. Hit 'search'. The chase had begun. And the scrolling.
Knock-knock.
Tap-tap, Regina answered with a fist against the bedside table.
The door opened and Emma stepped in. She was in jeans, sweater, and glasses. Her eyes looked awake and alert despite the waking nightmare she had participated in last night.
"Good morning, lovely," she softly greeted. "Where is the kiddo?"
Regina answered by pointing to the closed bathroom door.
"Oh," Emma nodded. "Can I sit?"
Of course. Regina nodded right back at her and patted the empty space in the bed. Emma closed the door behind her and crossed the room. The bed dipped a little when she climbed up and settled next to Regina. "How are you feeling this morning? Did you get some sleep?"
Regina nodded and even mustered up a little smile. She did actually get some sleep. And it had been wonderful. No nightmares.
"And the pain? On a scale on one to ten?"
She held up four fingers in response.
"Do you need any pain killers?" Emma asked softly and kissed her cheek.
Regina shook her head no. She was okay for now.
"You're sure?"
Regina nodded then. She was absolutely sure.
"Okay." Emma's eyes wandered to the phone Regina was holding.
Regina didn't mind that. Emma was more than welcome to look at her phone.
"You want Henry to see a therapist?" Emma asked softly.
Regina nodded and tapped away from the Google search. Opened a new message so she could write a more fulfilling answer. 'It was actually his own suggestion. We had a little chat earlier this morning, and he mentioned you had told him about how seeing a therapist and talk about everything can be a very good thing. And of course I agree with both of you. Now Henry knows that he can come to me if there's anything he wants to talk about, but I also think that it will do him good to talk to a therapist how he has experienced all of this. He's just as traumatized as I am, and he should be allowed to be so. He needs time to process and work through this.'
Time. Time. Time, time, time.
It healed all wounds.
Regina was a living proof of that.
Perhaps she wasn't completely healed yet, but the mere fact that she was even here was a fucking miracle!
She had woken from a coma.
She had gotten back on her feet.
By all the gods she was fighting every single day!
One morning, many, many months ago, she had chosen to throw herself into her sisters arms rather than choosing to throw herself out of the window.
She had chosen life over death.
And she would continue to do so.
She felt stronger, and that was good. Because now the fight for Henry began. The fight to get his life and childhood back on track had started, and Regina was ready.
"I think sending him to a therapist is a very good idea."
Regina nodded and pinched the bridge of her nose. Then began typing again. Gratitude poured from her fingers as she typed while Emma drew soft circles on her knee.
'I'm so glad he confided in you. And I'm so glad you convinced him to tell me. I can't bear the thought of him carrying this knowledge with him for years and letting it eat of him until there's only anger left.'
"You know what I think?" The bed creaked as Emma shifted and wrapped an arm around her shoulder.
Regina shook her head no. Many times, she knew what Emma was thinking, but now was not one of those times.
"I think that this is the way to a new beginning," Emma continued and gave Regina a little squeeze. "A fresh start with no more secrets. You know what I mean?"
She absolutely did know what Emma meant. 'I'd like that.' She typed.'I'd like a fresh start with you and Henry.'
"Then let's make one." Emma squeezed her again.
"Let's make what?" Henry had emerged from the bathroom. Yawning and rubbing his eyes.
"A fresh start, kid." Emma smiled at him.
"That sounds good." Henry smiled back at her. Then he climbed into bed with them.
"Did you sleep okay, kid?"
Regina's heart melted as she watched Emma reach out and ruffle Henry's hair.
"Yep," Henry said, and his eyes were actually sparkling when he continued. "And guess what?"
Never in her life had Regina valued the sparkle in her son's eyes more than she did right now. Henry could still smile. Genuinely. She couldn't even begin to explain how important that was!
"What?" The excitement in Emma's voice was completely genuine.
"The stone's gone," Henry said, reaching down and rubbing his belly a little. "I don't feel like I'm going to be sick anymore!"
"I'm really, really happy to hear that kid." Emma ruffled his hair again.
Regina smiled mournfully at her son. Touched his cheek tenderly. Things weren't fixed. What was done couldn't be undone. But there was still hope. A gut feeling told her that Henry still would be able to have a good childhood. Regina would help him through this. Emma would help him through this. Henry was surrounded by people who loved him. That had worked for Regina. It could work for him too.
Trauma didn't go away from one day to the next. That wasn't how it worked. It took time. Patience.
Regina had all the time and patience in the world. And she had experienced firsthand, that so did Emma.
She turned her head and saw that Henry had put his little hand over Emma's. Regina smiled as she put her hand over his. She looked at their joined hands and knew in her heart that the three of them could face anything as long as they were together.
They were a team after all. The best team in the entire world….
To Be Continued…..