"Hello, Emma," David said, and Regina noted that he seemed to be fidgeting slightly with the stroller. She almost wanted to signalize to him that he should not because it would wake the baby.
"Why are you... What are you doing here?" Emma's voice was all vulnerability and cautiousness. Regina made sure to keep a hand firmly placed on Emma's shoulder to let her know that she was there.
"That's a bit of a long story," David said, turning his head and looking at her. "Hello, Regina. I didn't know you were here tonight."
"Regina and Henry lives here now," Emma said tightly and looked like she was ready to jump down David's throat if he dared saying anything that could be taken negatively.
"Henry?" David echoed, looking a bit confused.
"Regina's son," Emma clarified, and Regina wasn't at all satisfied with that answer. Because it wasn't correct. She tapped Emma's shoulder lightly and was rewarded with a soft chuckle and a corrected answer: "our son."
That was much better. Regina was very satisfied with that.
"How nice," David said, and there wasn't even a hint of sarcasm or judgment in his voice. Regina found that to be puzzling. She found his entire behavior to be puzzling. Something was afoot. Otherwise David wouldn't have come to their doorstep tonight, right?
"Can I..."
Neal cooed and interrupted whatever it was that David had been on the brink of saying. The sound of Neal cooing went straight to Regina's heart and made her maternal instinct awaken within her. It was very hard for her to not follow David's example and peek inside the stroller. She quickly reminded herself that that wasn't her job, though. She would have to settle for watching while David checked on his son.
"Can I come in?" David asked, voice laced with insecurity.
Yes. There was definitely something on his mind, Regina thought to herself. But she didn't quite have the imagination to come up with any reason why this man had shown up on their doorstep.
"Uhmm..." Emma sounded insecure too, and Regina could appreciate that. Had she been in Emma's shoes, she too would have been hesitant about letting David in. He hadn't exactly come to Emma's aid when she was younger. That alone was of course reason enough to slam the door in David's face.
Emma turned her head and looked at her, clearly looking for advices on the matter. Regina mentioned nothing about wanting to shut the door in David's face. Instead she signed: 'it's up to you.' Perhaps not the most helpful of advices, but it truly was up to Emma to decide what happened. She was the only one who knew how she felt about David Blanchard.
"You live here too now," Emma said softly. "This is your house too."
Regina smiled at the reminder. Indeed it was. And since Emma insisted, she was going to give her opinion on the matter. Which wasn't to slam the door in David's face. No, she was going to be the bigger person. 'Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to hear what he wants.', she signed. 'And it's a bit cold outside for the baby.' Honestly, the baby was her main concern right now. That little coo could very well have been about feeling cold under what Regina suspected was too thin a blanket.
Emma smiled at her. Then turned to David. "Okay. Come in." she still sounded extremely guarded and alert. It made Regina both sad and angry to hear Emma sound like that. But it was too early to glare at David. She didn't even know what he wanted yet.
"Thank you, Emma," David said and sounded quite grateful.
Emma didn't react to it, though. She just stepped aside so David could navigate the stroller over the threshold. Once both he and the stroller was inside, Regina quietly closed the door behind him. It really was chilly tonight.
"I think it's better if we head into the living room," Emma whispered, motioning for David to follow her into the living room. "Henry is asleep upstairs, and I don't want to wake him."
"Of course not," David said, carefully pushing the stroller towards the living room.
Regina and Emma followed behind him. Emma's forehead was crinkled in confusion, and Regina was sure that they were thinking about the same thing. What could possibly have made the faithful David leave his ill wife's side and come all the way to Vancouver? And with a baby? It didn't make a wink of sense to Regina.
David sat down on the couch. His movements were tired, and Regina surprised herself when she felt a hint of concern. Now where was that coming from? She certainly didn't owe this man her concern.
"So?" At first, Emma sounded angry, but then her voice changed slightly. "Do you want anything?"
"Oh," David said on an exhale. "No, I...It's fine."
Regina disagreed. The man looked quite pale and very tired. It was starting to become clear to her that David hadn't come here to yell or judge tonight, and even though that certainly didn't fix everything, she could still show him at least a bit of hospitality.
She tapped Emma's shoulder gently and when Emma had turned her head, she signed her suggestion: 'why don't I make us some coffee while you and David talk?'
"Regina's offering to make some coffee," Emma automatically translated for David. "Are you sure you don't want a cup?"
David utterly surprised Regina by smiling warmly at her. Then turning to Emma again. "A cup of coffee would be really nice. Thank you."
"Uhh... you're welcome," Emma said as Regina rose from the couch. She could hear how surprised Emma sounded, and she couldn't blame her. It was odd to hear David Blanchard thank them. He wasn't as meek as he had been during that disastrous meeting at the hospital. Something had changed. Regina just couldn't determine what it was.
In the kitchen, she assessed the situation whilst making the coffee. David had shown up in the middle of the night with a baby in tow. That wasn't exactly a normal thing to do. He looked haggard. Dark circles under his eyes and hollow cheeks. Plus, he hadn't mentioned his wife at all. From all Regina knew from Emma about Mary Margaret and David's relationship, that wasn't normal either. Something had to be wrong. But what?
She heard muffled conversation from the living room and was acutely aware that Emma currently was alone with one of the people responsible for making her childhood hell. Regina silently willed the coffee machine to hurry up, and once the coffee had ran through, she quickly poured it into three cups. Plenty of milk and sugar for Emma, only a splash of milk for her, and black for David. She had no idea how the man took his coffee. And honestly, she couldn't be bothered to find out either. She placed everything on a tray and carried it into the living room.
The mood in there wasn't exactly jolly. Emma's shoulders were drawn up to her ears, and she looked very tense. David looked tired. It was only little Neal who was unaffected. He kept sleeping.
"That looks really nice," David said and smiled at Regina when he spotted her coming towards them. "Thank you."
Regina shared a silent, meaningful look with Emma as she sat the tray down on the coffee table. Why did he keep saying 'thank you'? What on earth was going on? Regina sat down next to Emma on the couch and gave the man in the plushy armchair her full attention.
"So? What's going on, David?" Emma asked, feigning nonchalance and failing utterly. "Why are you here? Shouldn't you be in Toronto and look after Mary Margaret? She just had that operation, hadn't she?"
Regina laid out her hand palm up on the empty space on the couch, and it did not take long before Emma took it. Exactly as Regina had foreseen that she would. Emma needed physical support tonight. Closeness. Their fingers interlaced, and Regina squeezed reassuringly.
David reached for his cup of coffee and took a sip. Was he stalling? Did he really need some coffee? Or was he trying to build up the strength to say whatever it was he needed to say? Regina couldn't determine. But she kept her eyes locked on the older man as he gulped down coffee, took a breath and then said:
"Yes, Mary Margaret was due to have an operation a week ago." Another sip of coffee.
"Okay?" Emma sounded less insistent. Just a bit confused.
"But while she was in surgery, she had another stroke," David continued. His voice was monotone, and it was as though he was reading from a piece of paper. Like he had rehearsed every word he was saying. "A more serious one. The doctors did their best to revive her, but her heart was just too weak to continue."
"Are you... are you saying that she's... dead?"
"Yes," David said quietly.
Regina squeezed Emma's hand. She felt unsure of what else she should do. Wasn't sure of how Emma was going to react to this. Mary Margaret Blanchard hadn't been a kind person, that much was clear. But still, it was a chapter that had just been ended. A resolution was now definitely out of the question. A part of Regina had been hopeful (or naïve!) enough to hope that Mary Margaret Blanchard one day would wake up and realize how terribly she had treated Emma.
"Oh." Emma squeezed back. "I'm not... I'm not sure how to feel about that."
Of course not. Regina had not expected Emma to express profound sadness.
"I understand that." David cleared his throat. "I more than understand that."
Did he? That struck Regina as odd. David had been devoted to his wife. That was what Emma always had said.
"How are... how are you feeling?" Emma asked, and Regina could only be impressed by her. It was very big of her to ask or even care about David's feelings.
"To be very honest with you, I'm not sure how to feel about it either, Emma," David said, and made direct eye contact with Emma. "I knew how weakened her heart was. I knew there was a reason the hospital refused to let her go home. And I knew that the operation was risky at best."
Again, he sounded so matter of factly. Regina was starting to think that she would go mad if she didn't get an answer to why David was acting so strange.
"Aren't you... Aren't you upset?" Emma questioned and thereby asked the question that was rummaging in Regina's mind.
"Yes, of course I am," David answered. "I am very upset because this means that you and her never will get the chance to make peace."
Regina saw how Emma visibly recoiled at that. Her shoulders crawled up towards her ears again. Regina was tempted to release 'the look' on David again.
"I don't think that was likely to happen anyway, so..."
"No, you misunderstand me," David said softly. "I'm not talking about you, Emma. I'm talking about her. She had every opportunity to offer you an olive branch when you came to see her at the hospital, and she completely blew that chance. And now there'll never be another opportunity."
Had David wanted his wife to make up for her actions? That did sound unlikely. And it didn't sound like the David Emma had described to Regina. David Blanchard had always agreed with his wife rather than supporting his daughter.
"She made her choice," Emma said tightly. "I couldn't stand there and listen to the crap she fired at me. And Regina. I wasn't gonna let her say shit to Regina!"
Regina shifted the littlest bit. Emma never ceased the opportunity to protect her, did she?
"Of course not," David said quickly. "I completely understand why you left."
"You... you do?" surprise colored Emma's voice, and her shoulders seemed to loosen the littlest bit.
"Yes," David nodded and seemed to lean slightly forward on his chair. "You did the right thing when you walked away. And you did the right thing when you left Toronto to get away from Mary Margaret. I fully understand your decision."
"You do?" Emma repeated. One of her eyebrows raised in confusion and suspicion.
"More than understand it," David replied. "You took the opportunity to get away from her, and I believe it's the best decision you could have made."
"It's starting to sound like I wasn't the only one who wanted to get away from her," Emma observed quietly as she too leaned forward.
"It's complicated, Emma," David said, letting out a croaky laugh.
"I'm good with complicated." Emma shot Regina a sideway glance, and Regina took the opportunity to ask in Sign Language if it would be better if she went upstairs while Emma and David talked. She had a feeling that David was gearing up to telling Emma a complicated tale, and even though she didn't particularly like David Blanchard, she still wanted to give him the opportunity of privacy.
"No," Emma said quickly and seemed to clutch a little bit at her hand. "Please stay."
"You are Emma's partner," David added. "And this is your home. My presence should not have any influence on that."
His words were surprising to say the least. This man was not at all like the man Emma had described. Had Mary Margaret's death really changed him that much? Regina found that difficult to believe. People didn't just change overnight. She of all people knew that.
She nodded once to let Emma (and David) know that she was going to stay. Immediately felt Emma relax a bit more. She no longer clutched her hand.
"Mary Margaret was... well, I don't have to tell you how complicated she was," David began his tale.
"No, you don't."
David's shoulders lifted as he took a breath before continuing: "did you know that Mary Margaret was pregnant before we adopted you?"
"No. I had no idea."
Neither had Regina. This was new information. But she wasn't quite sure why David was sharing it with them. It seemed odd. But she chose to believe that there was a point to it.
"She miscarried when she was four months along, and she completely hit rock bottom after that," David said. "She became... very angry and would often lash out. Of course I understood why, and I supported her as best as I could. The doctor's stressed out that it could be dangerous for her to get pregnant again. Mary Margaret was distraught, but she refused to talk to anyone about. A professional, I mean. I felt like I was running out of options, so I eventually suggested that we looked into adoption. That lifted her spirit, and about a year later we adopted the most beautiful little girl. You."
Regina's hand was squeezed again. She squeezed back. Refused to feel an ounce of pity for Mary Margaret Blanchard, but still, there was something in that information that moved her. Regina had never suffered a miscarriage, but she had lost the opportunity to have more children. Killian had stolen that opportunity from her.
"I had hoped that her new role as your mother would bring her some peace, but instead she became... hyper focused on you. If you were peacefully asleep in your crib, she would pick you up because she didn't like when you were laying that still," David said and swallowed audibly. "And when you cried, she became frustrated. Very frustrated. She kept thinking that it was because you were sick, and she would constantly take you to the doctor. But of course the doctor couldn't find anything wrong with you. You were as healthy as could be."
A sip of his coffee. A moment to breathe.
"She never allowed me to soothe you. She kept insisting that she was the only one who knew how to do it because she was a woman. It was in her instinct to comfort you. I could see that this wasn't going like I had hoped. You were so unhappy, and she was getting more and more obsessed. Her every moment was spent watching over you. She was constantly with you. She wouldn't let you sleep, and I understood that this was a bad situation for you. So one night where she by some miracle was with me and not with you, I suggested that we let you go back to the foster home..."
David took another deep breath, and Regina's thoughts were spiraling. What was this, Munchausen by Proxy?
"And... and then?" Emma's voice had become small, and her hand shook the littlest bit when she squeezed Regina's hand again.
"Emma, she completely lost it," David said quietly. "She yelled and screamed at me and asked what kind of father I was, how dared I suggest that. I said to her that I didn't feel like a father because she had never given me the chance to actually be one. And then I told her that she wasn't well, that she needed help, she needed to talk to someone about what had happened, but she refused again. She claimed that she was fine, and then she threatened me. She said that if I ever questioned her ability to be a mother, she would take you and leave. And she would make sure that I never saw you again."
"My god," Emma said quietly.
Regina was thinking the exact same thing. What David was telling was shocking. But Regina was more than willing to believe that he was telling the truth. The sincerity poured from every word, and the pain was reflected in his eyes.
"I couldn't reason with her," David said and shook his head. "Not that night, and not afterwards. The following morning she acted like her outburst hadn't happened, and after that she allowed me to spend time with you. But supervised. She never let me be with you on my own, and if I suggested it..."well, she would give me a lecture that anything could happen in the blink of an eye. If I wasn't paying attention for just two seconds, something bad could happen to you, and I started to believe her. The idea of being alone with you spooked me because I was so afraid that something should happen to you on my watch. I suppose I stopped seeing a baby and saw something made of glass instead." He tiredly rubbed a hand over his face.
What kind of woman wouldn't allow a man to be a father to his daughter?
A woman who wasn't well.
Regina was beginning to realize that Mary Margaret Blanchard hadn't just been twisted and evil. She had been unwell. Sick. Mentally ill. Regina was no doctor or therapist, but her guess was that an untreated depression after the miscarriage, leading to well-meaning but misunderstood attention and overly cautiousness had spiraled into something much, much darker
"It continued as you grew older," David said. "She didn't want me to spend time with you alone. She was your mother. I wasn't as well-versed in knowing and understanding your needs. I could never overtrump her, and she never let me forget that. I was second best, and I tried to be satisfied with that. But I could see how controlling she was becoming as you grew. How she insisted that you stayed in the house instead of going outside to play with your friends. How you weren't allowed to ride a bicycle when everybody else was, and how she wouldn't allow you to wear what you wanted, how she would fix your hair if it wasn't like she wanted it to be."
Emma clutched at her hand again. Regina clutched right back. She could only imagine what kind of flashbacks this conversation awakened in Emma.
"So I tried again," David continued. His voice was almost soft now. And the words didn't sound rehearsed anymore. They were pouring out of his. As though he had been wanting to say this for a very, very long time.
"When you were around seven years old, I casually suggested that she loosened up a bit and allowed you to just be a kid and not a proper little princess all the time..."
He stopped talking and sought solace in a large gulp of coffee. After having swallowed he continued: "her reaction was somehow even worse than the first one. Who was I to come here and tell her how to raise HER daughter? Her daughter, Emma. Not ours."
"David..."
"I reminded her that you were my daughter too, but she wouldn't hear of it, and..." he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Do you remember when I had to go to the doctor because I had cut myself on some glass?"
"Yeah," Emma said, and blonde locks danced in front of her face as she nodded. "You needed stiches in your hand. I remember."
"I didn't cut myself," David said. "She threw a glass at me. I ended up with a gash because I used my hands to shield my face."
It felt like a massive fist was squeezing Regina's stomach. She felt sick. Heard Emma's breath hitch.
Killian had never quite thrown things at her. He had used his fists. But David's story still rang familiarity in Regina's mind. She was starting to see David Blanchard in a different light. He hadn't been following his wife blindly. He had been a victim of domestic abuse. Just like she was.
"I had my hand stitched and tried not to think more about it," David said. "And of course I didn't tell anyone what had actually happened. I couldn't very well tell anyone that my wife had thrown a glass at me. It was comical."
No. No, it wasn't. It was awful.
"No, it wasn't," Emma said quietly. "There's nothing comical about it, David."
"I realized that later on," David said, nodding slightly. "But at the time I just wanted to forget about it. And she of course brushed it aside. Claimed that she hadn't even aimed at me. And I believed her. Because she was my wife."
Come on, babe, don't be like that. I know I was mad yesterday, but I didn't mean it that bad. I never do. I love you. You know that. It's you and me, okay?
Regina had believed him. Every single time. Because he was her fiancé. And her fiancé didn't treat her terribly, did he?
At the time, she had refused to believe so.
Next to her, Emma took a large gulp of coffee. Regina figured it was an attempt at swallowing the large lump that probably was lodged in Emma's throat right now. She could feel the very same lump in her own throat. David's story was as eerie as it was sad. And so very familiar. David's experience was eerily familiar to her own.
"She had you in this... iron grip," David continued, now shaking his head. "She wouldn't let me get to you. She was always present whenever I was interacting with you. Sometimes she even filmed us."
"I remember that."
"I tried to make her stop being so controlling with you a number of times throughout the years." David briefly paused his story to look at Neal who was cooing in his stroller again. "But she would threaten me to silence. If I didn't stop "fussing" as she called it, she would leave me and take you with her. If I kept questioning her ability to be a mother, she would call the police, she said. She threatened to tell them that I was abusive towards her. And to you. That she was living in fear every day. And she was sure the police would believe her. Simply because she was a woman. And I think she was right about that. I was the husband. The "provider". Nobody would believe me if I told them that it was the other way around."
God, that was terrible. And even worse, it was probably true. Mary Margaret had been a tiny thing of a woman. David was right, no one would ever believe that she had been capable of exercising domestic violence. Because people automatically assumed that domestic violence was slaps and being pushed down the stairs.
It wasn't. There was many types of domestic violence. It didn't have to be a slap or anything else that was physical. It could be a certain look. A text message. A hand pressed firmly against your back in a gesture that to the outside world was perceived as loving, but to you was threatening. A warning of what was to come.
"Oh my god, David," Emma said quietly. Her face had turned ashen, and her lips were slightly parted in shock.
"This is gonna sound absolutely horrible, but... I was relieved when she kicked you out when you were seventeen," David said, voice thick with emotion. "I was horrified, but I was also relieved, because I thought to myself that this was your chance. Your ticket away from her."
If she squinted, Regina could see it from David's point of view. He had been trapped. Stuck with a woman who terrorized and terrified him. And he clearly did care about Emma. Of course he had wanted her to get away. And Emma had gotten away. In some backwards way, being kicked out of her home had been Emma's ticket to freedom.
"You know what, in some weird way, I think I actually get that," Emma said, bowing her head in a very slight nod.
"By that time, I was completely broken down," David said, rubbing his jaw slightly. He had done that a few times already, Regina had noted. She was willing to bet everything she owned that it was a nervous tick. It could be compared how she used to pinch the soft skin between her thumb and index finger.
"The thought alone about leaving her exhausted me," David continued, and his blue eyes became a bit unfocused. Like he wasn't really here, but somewhere else. Disappeared in the memories. Regina knew how that felt. She could appreciate everything that David Blanchard was seeing and feeling. Because he was a mirror of sorts. David's experiences reflected hers in a way.
"So I stayed. I stayed because I didn't know how to leave her." David's voice was gruff now. "I stayed because I was afraid of what would happen if I did. And once again I had to watch from the sideline while she terrorized you. If I told her to stop, she would make all sorts of threats. She had this piece of glass she had lying around, and she would often threaten me with it. Threaten to aim for something that wasn't just my hand the next time. And there were times when we were having dinner were she would just... sit and watch me. Watch me eat. Like she was waiting for something to happen. I doubt that she actually had put something in my food, but the effect worked as intended. On occasion she would scream in my face, challenge me to strike her and then mock me and say that she would call the police and have me arrested for domestic violence."
"Oh god, David."
Regina's stomach tied in knots again. Once more, she saw glimpses of her own life in David's story. Killian had loved the staring game too. It had driven her nearly mad with fear and anxiety whenever he had done it. And after she desperately had asked him what was wrong for something that felt like the millionth time, Killian would narrow his eyes at her and ask why she was so anxious. Had she perhaps done something wrong? Something she felt guilty about?
Later, Regina had learned that he had just been looking for an excuse to hit her.
"So I stopped disagreeing with her because it was easier. If she was sending you another letter, I let it happen, if she stopped by your apartment without having been invited, I let her do so. And then she came home one day and shouted that you were gone. I had never been more relieved in my life. Of course she tried to find you and called you nonstop, but you didn't pick up, and I couldn't have been happier. You had gotten away from her. For good."
"But you hadn't," Emma said quietly. There was pity in her eyes. Pity and sadness.
David shrugged. "I hoped that she would accept that you were gone, but naturally, she didn't. She wanted a replacement for "the baby she had lost"."
"Was she talking about me or was she talking about... her own baby?" Emma asked quietly.
"That I don't know," David said. "But she wanted to adopt again, and I was too tired to try and protest. I put my signature where it was needed, and she began the hunt after a new baby." At that, he turned his head and looked at Neal who was still asleep in the stroller.
It occurred to Regina that David Blanchard hadn't acted much like a father to Neal. He had glanced at the baby a number of times, but to Regina it seemed more like a nervous gesture than a parental one. Was David Blanchard afraid of his son? Was he afraid to… parent? Or was it possible that he simply didn't know how to?
Regina felt unbelievably sad for him. His time with Mary Margaret had made him afraid of being a parent to the little boy currently asleep in his stroller.
"And history repeated itself," Emma quietly observed.
"Yes," David nodded, fingers running through his hair. "I saw the same pattern the moment she brought Neal home. She wouldn't let him sleep, she wouldn't let me hold him. But again, I was too exhausted to do anything about it. I let it happen. As long as I did that, she let me be. I was more than prepared to let her do what she did for the rest of my life. And then I came home and found her unconscious on the floor. It was the oddest feeling, because I already had a hunch that something was gonna happen when she sent me to the store with Neal. She never let me spend any time with him. At least not on my own. So I could just sense that something was gonna happen even when I left the house..." A slight pause. A tightening around his eyes. Emotions he most likely couldn't put a name to. "I called an ambulance, and she was rushed to the hospital and into surgery. I was allowed to sit at her bedside for five minutes afterwards. She needed her rest, and I had to go home with Neal." A shake of his head now. "Emma, I'm telling you, when I went to bed that night, I slept better than I had for thirty years."
"Of course you did."
"I had hoped that her health scare would change her somehow," David said. "But of course it didn't. She was as she always was, but she wasn't allowed to come home. She had to stay in the hospital while I was free to come and go as I pleased. That was... quite the change."
Regina couldn't bear to hear more right now. It was too much. She excused herself and headed into the kitchen. David's story was getting too close. She too recognized the first taste of freedom. The realization that she didn't have to be afraid to leave her house, let alone coming home. That her captor no longer could exercise his twisted justice. It had been an overwhelming feeling. Surreal. For the first long while, she had still been scared to come and go as she pleased. Her PTSD had tricked her into believing that Killian was still present in her life. Sometimes, she still felt that way.
Regina tore off a tissue and sniffled into it as all her old fears came roaring back.
"Is she okay?" she heard David ask from the living room. "I'm sorry. This is not a very pleasant story."
Regina pulled herself together. She didn't want to cause a scene. Not when David was in the middle of telling Emma his story. She headed back inside the living room and immediately felt Emma's eyes on her. She looked concerned. Was probably on the verge of asking Regina a number of sweet, thoughtful questions about her well-fare.
But now wasn't the time for that. She tapped Emma's shoulder gently to show that she needed translation. Then she wiggled her fingers in the air and signed.
"Don't apologize," Emma quickly translated for her.
That wasn't all Regina had to say, though. She felt like she had to address her behavior. If David could open up like this, so could she. She signed again.
Emma's voice wavered a bit when she translated for her yet again: "I've been in a similar situation myself."
"You... you have?" David asked surprised.
Regina nodded and bit her lip. She saw it in his eyes immediately. Something that wasn't pity, but recognition. He was seeing her in a new light. Just as she was seeing him in a new light.
"I'm very sorry to hear that," David said, voice full of sincerity. "And I'm glad you got away from that situation."
Regina signed again and Emma translated for her: "Likewise."
"Got away from it..." David mused. "I know it's a terrible thing to say because Mary Margaret is dead, but I feel... I feel free."
Free. Regina sat down next to Emma again. There was nothing quite like it, was there? To feel the first little inkling of freedom after having been through hell.
"That's not a terrible thing to say at all," Emma said and found her hand again. Squeezed it. "David, I... I had no idea how things were for you. All this time I've been blaming you for-"
"And you should," David interrupted. "I was your father, Emma. I AM your father. Your wellbeing is my responsibility, and I could have done more. I could have left. I could have-"
"Could you?" Emma said, interrupting like David had interrupted her a second ago. "I don't think you could, David. Mary Margaret was terrorizing you. She was psychologically abusing you. You didn't know how to leave. You were scared. It's not any different just because you're a man. It doesn't change the fact that you are the victim of domestic abuse."
Yes. Again, domestic abuse had so many faces. Sometimes the abuser was a policeman. An authority. Someone you were supposed to trust and respect. Someone who was supposed to protect you and everyone else. And sometimes the abuser was a small, doll-like woman with small hands and the face of an angel. A woman who hid her gruesome nature behind a polished façade. There were so many aspects. Sometimes the monster truly was the person you least expected to be one.
A policeman who used physical violence.
Or a housewife who threatened and found other ways to use force.
"I was afraid of what was gonna happen to you if I left," David admitted. "I thought that if I stayed, I could somehow protect you from her. But I couldn't."
"I think you did your best."
"I didn't," David said firmly. "My best would have been to grab you and get the hell out of there, but-"
"Blaming yourself isn't gonna help anything," Emma said. "Mary Margaret is gone, but we're right here."
David was being far too hard on himself, Regina though. He had been trapped. What was he supposed to have done? If he had left, there was a chance that Mary Margaret would have started behaving even worse towards Emma, and that would have been terrible. David had tried. He really had tried to protect Emma.
That was when Neal woke up in his stroller and began to voice how unhappy he was about the current situation. He kicked his little legs up like babies so often do.
David looked slightly panicked. "I don't know how to comfort him. He's been living under my roof for a while now, but I still have no idea how to be around him. And I'm afraid of doing something wrong. Of dropping him or accidentally hurting him in some way."
Oh, god. That poor man. Regina hadn't thought it was possible for her to have sympathy with him, but right now, her heart broke for David Blanchard. He had been through so much. The abuse he had suffered had left him unable to protect his daughter and now he didn't know how to be a father for his son.
"Oh David," Emma said and shook her head slightly. "David, I'm so sorry. I didn't... I didn't know how bad things were for you."
"And I'm glad you didn't," David said firmly and touched Emma's hand very slightly. "You are not half as sorry as I am, Emma. I didn't protect you like I should have. I am your father, and I failed you."
"She did bad things to both of us. I think... I think you tried your best."
"My best wasn't good enough." David stood from the chair and lifted Neal out of the stroller. The little boy was still whimpering and squirming. It didn't help that David ran his fingers through his thin baby hair, rubbed his back and did his best to soothe: "Shhh. It's okay, buddy. Don't cry. Shh, shh."
Neal kept squirming. His whimpers increased in volume.
"Maybe he's hungry?" Emma said. She was eying the baby in David's arms and almost looked a bit afraid. That natural type of fear you have when you're not used to be around babies.
"Yes, that might be it," David nodded. "I'm not very good at preparing his bottles. The babysitter who's been taking care of him while I've been in the hospital with Mary Margaret just made the bottles and left them in the fridge for me. But obviously, she couldn't come to Vancouver with me, so..." he shook his head a bit, crouched down with the baby still in his arms to fidget with the bag that stood ready and available in the room underneath the bassinet. "This is only my second time making him a bottle."
Only the second time? And exactly how long had Neal lived with David and Mary Margaret? It was very hard for Regina to not get visibly angry. This poor man clearly hadn't been allowed to be a father at all.
Little Neal's whimpers were starting to lean towards genuine crying. Regina was familiar with that type of crying. In a moment, Neal would be screaming his little head off.
David seemed to know that too. He was clearly very stressed as he yanked at the bag and tried to unzip it with one hand. "It's okay, Neal. I'll be right there. Don't cry, don't cry."
Neal's position in David's arms looked very precarious to Regina. The baby seemed to sway back and forward while David tried to do everything with one hand. It was difficult to watch. Regina shifted. She wasn't doubting that David was doing his best, but he was also stressed. Most likely anxious too. His hands trembled. Perhaps that was what caused him to drop the bottle on the floor. It landed with a loud clatter that had Regina flinching slightly and Neal startling. He started crying in a way that went straight to Regina's heart and well developed maternal instincts. She could not keep silent for a second longer.
She squeezed Emma hand softly twice to indicate that she had something on her mind. When Emma looked at her, Regina wiggled her fingers in the air.
Emma translated for her: "do you want some help?"
Oh. She frowned. That wasn't quite right, was it? Her fingers moved in the air again as she signed yet again.
Once more, Emma translated: "I don't want to meddle. I hope you won't take this the wrong way."
"Some help would be really nice," David said and flashed her a tired smile. "Maybe you could hold him while I sterilize the bottle?"
Yes. Absolutely. Regina stood from the couch and walked over to David. Smiled at him as she held out her arms.
David placed the little wiggling boy in her arms. "Thank you, Regina."
No thank you's was required. Regina gave a little half shrug in response and looked at the baby in her arms. He was so warm. Warm and surprisingly heavy. She remembered being surprised at how heavy Henry had been.
"I'll be as quick as possible," David assured as he took the bottle and box of formula and disappeared into the kitchen.
Regina smiled at the little baby in her arms and began to rock him back and forward. Henry had liked that when he was that age. Perhaps Neal would like it too? It was worth a shot.
Neal kicked up his little legs again, but he didn't seem overly dissatisfied anymore. Good.
Regina smoothened a few creases in his footed dinosaur pajamas. She had noticed that he was impeccably dressed. Perhaps David did not know how to comfort him, but when it came to dressing the little boy in appropriate clothing, David had done a masterful job. Regina gently shushed him. Lifted him up under the shoulders and blew a raspberry on his fat little baby belly. Henry had liked that too.
Neal clearly did too. He immediately stopped whimpering and looked at her in that particular awestruck way babies do when they discover a new thing they like.
Feeling proud of herself, Regina smiled and cradled the baby into her chest. That was what babies liked. Closeness. Feeling safe. She took off the little knitted hat and pressed quick kisses to his little head. This caused Neal to coo. Happily. What a beautiful sound that was. It tugged at Regina's heartstrings. Yes, it had been ten years since she last had dealt with a baby, but she hadn't forgotten what it was like. She never would forget. Perhaps she was even a little bit better at this now. When Henry was born, she had been in her twenties and quite clueless about most things. Now she was older. And knew more.
"Wow," Emma softly murmured. "You are like... really good at that."
Regina chuckled lightly and glided her fingertips up and down Neal's back. She had learned that babies liked that. Or, Henry had taught her that he liked that. One stormy night a few months after his birth where he had refused to settle down. It was sheer luck that Neal seemed to like the same things as little Henry had.
"You are awesome with babies, beautiful," Emma complimented. Her voice was still very soft. There was a particularly loving look in her eyes.
Regina could not sign when holding the baby. She had to settle for smiling at her girlfriend. Then she walked over and sat down next to Emma in the couch.
"Hi there," Emma greeted her little brother. "You're a cute one, aren't you?"
A very cute one indeed. And it was high time that Emma got the opportunity to spend at least a little bit of time with her baby brother. Regina lifted the little boy to indicate that she was going to place him in Emma's arms.
"Oh. Okay," Emma said and seemed to stumble slightly over the words. "I don't know how good I am at- okay."
Regina had silenced her by placing the little boy in her arms. As surprised as Emma seemed over this development, her body language told Regina that she had not overstepped. She could tell that Emma did not mind holding her brother, even if it was strange for her. She was a twenty seven year old woman who had a baby brother. Emma ran her fingers lightly through Neal's hair. "Hello, you."
The way she said it sounded so sweet. Regina chuckled softly and Neal kicked up his little feet again and looked at Emma with his big baby blue eyes. It was almost as though he knew, Regina mused to herself. Knew that Emma wasn't just a stranger, but his sister. Regina tickled his little belly. Earned herself another leg-kick from Neal. He cooed at her. At them.
'He likes you', Regina signed.
"I'm his sister. He's supposed to like me," Emma snickered. "It's in the manual."
Regina snorted and clicked her tongue. Emma should give herself more credit. She too was 'awesome' with babies.
Neal cooed one more time and kicked his legs up. Regina was already beginning to suspect that it was a favorite thing of his.
"Aww," Emma said, cooing herself when Regina caught Neal's little foot and tickled the bottom of it. "You are definitely one very cute kid."
Neal seemed to agree with that. He definitely seemed much happier already.
David emerged from the kitchen. He had the bottle ready in his hand, and there seemed to be a little smile between him and Emma. It was very brief, but it was also quite lovely to see.
"I brought him his bottle," David said quite unnecessary.
"Alright, then let's get some food in the little guy." Emma's voice was quite brisk, but her movements were almost clumsy as she tried to stand from the couch while holding the baby. The way Neal swayed in her arms gave Regina the tiniest bit of anxiety.
"He looks very contend where he is right now," David observed. "Are you okay with holding him while he has his bottle?"
"Oh, uhm... okay," Emma said. Now there was an uneasy look in her eyes.
Regina was more optimistic, though. Of course Emma could handle this. She moved away from the couch to give David some room.
"Now comes the next hurdle," David said as he walked over to the couch and sat down on the edge. "Getting him to eat. Both the babysitter and I have struggled with that. I think even Mary Margaret did."
Regina immediately saw what David meant. He placed the rubber nipple in front of the little boy's mouth, and Neal reacted by wounding his mouth tight and squirming. He turned his head to the other side as David began to chase his mouth with the rubber nipple. Regina frowned as Neal squirmed and cooed in dissatisfaction. Was it like this every time Neal needed food? That wasn't good. It had to be very frustrating for both Neal and David. Feeding time was supposed to be calm. Not like this.
"Come on, buddy," David sighed, frustration edged onto his tired, pale face. "You have to eat something."
Neal turned his little head to the other side and kicked his legs up. Made a sort of bubbly noise that oh so easily could turn into a wail.
"Come on, Neal," David did his best to coax. "You need to eat."
Neal squirmed even more in Emma's arms.
"Maybe Regina could give it a go?" Emma suggested.
Regina lifted an eyebrow and shook her head. She did not want to impose or anything.
"Well, it certainly can't do any harm," David turned his head and looked at her. "Would you like to try?"
Yes. She would absolutely love that. But she still didn't want to impose. She lifted her hands and wiggled her fingers in the air.
"'Are you sure that's okay?'" Emma easily translated for her.
"Quite sure," David confirmed. Now he was actually smiling at her.
Regina saw no reason to say no. Little Neal was unhappy and most likely hungry too. She took the spot David offered when he stood from the couch, and the baby was placed in her arms again. David gave her the bottle, but Regina put that away for now. She wasn't about to do the whole chasing thing. That would only stress the baby even more. She had never tried bottle feeding before, but Henry had gone through a phase where he had refused her milk. Regina had learned a trick back then, and now she hoped that the particular trick would also work on Neal. She gently massaged the corners of Neal's mouth in slow, circular motions.
Neal stopped squirming and looked at her hands instead. Almost went a bit cross eyed. It looked extremely adorable. And it seemed to work too. He was definitely relaxing more now.
"The funeral for Mary Margaret is being held in a week."
Regina made a point of not looking up. She kept her attention on the baby instead and settled for listening quietly.
"Oh," was all Emma said. Just that. But there was a whole lot of emotion in that one little word.
"Would you... Do you think you'll attend it?"
"I don't know. I don't know if I can handle seeing her friends and have them offer me their condolences. I don't know if I can play the grieving daughter."
"I understand that," David said quickly. Understandingly. "I really do."
So did Regina. Had she been in Emma's position, she wouldn't have known either. It was like… It was like asking her to show up to Killian's funeral if he had been the one who had passed away.
"What about you?" Emma asked almost gruffly and cleared her throat. "What are you and the little dude gonna do now?"
The impromptu little cheek massage had worked as intended. Neal's little mouth was moving. Sucking into the air, and Regina took the opportunity to reach for the bottle and gently place the rubber nipple right between the baby's lips. This time, Neal did not reject the bottle. Instead he began sucking and drinking the milk.
"Huh," Emma said and smiled at her "That's impressive, babe."
Regina actually felt a little proud of herself. The cheek massage had been a shot in the dark. It could have gone both ways. Or sideways, even. But it was actually working. She clearly still knew a thing or two about babies.
"Very," David agreed, smiling at Regina again. Then growing serious as he spoke: "I'm not exactly sure what's gonna happen now. I think my main focus is to get the funeral over with and then take it from there."
"That sounds like a very sensible decision," Emma said and finally turned her head to look at David. "But you know you have to talk to someone, right? Mary Margaret's death doesn't mean that you can move past all that has happened. You have to talk to someone about it. About everything."
Spoken like a very wise person. Regina was immensely proud of her girlfriend. This was the same woman who months earlier had been quite closed off herself. Emma had- not changed. Evolved. Become wiser.
"I know," David said quietly. "I think I'm finally starting to realize the severity of what she did to me. To both of us."
"Then you've taken the first step."
The first of many. It had taken Regina a long, long time to get to this point. She knew it was going to be a long and tough journey for David Blanchard.
"Emma, what I'd really like is for us to start a fresh. I meant what I said the last time. I don't want you to disappear again. Do you think it's possible for us to start over?" David's voice trembled. He sounded almost pleading. Sincere. It was clear as day that there was nothing he wanted more than to have a normal relationship with Emma. Regina concentrated on giving Neal his bottle. She didn't want to sit and stare at Emma while she considered her answer.
After a moment of silence, Emma sucked in a breath. "You know what? I actually think it's possible, David. Of course you have a lot of things you need to take care of, a lot of things you need to process..."
"Yes, I'm beginning to see that." If David was trying to chuckle, he didn't do a very good job. The sound came out hoarse and tired.
"But I think you're well on your way to something better already." Emma's voice was soft, and out of the corner of her eye, Regina saw how she lightly put her hand over David's.
"I think so too."
"You have my phone number," Emma continued. "And you know where we live. If and when you come to Steveston again, you are welcome to pop round. Isn't that right, Regina?"
Regina who had been busy looking down at the baby in her arms, nodded. Then looked at Neal again. He had emptied the bottle and was giving her a sleepy, milk drunk grimace before falling asleep.
"I'd like that," David said quietly. "I'd like that very much, Emma. Thank you. Thank you for listening to me tonight."
"No problem," Emma said and moved her hand away from David's. Regina saw her fidget a bit. Recognized the gestures. This was Emma feeling a bit awkward. A leftover from the time where heart to hearts wasn't a part of her life.
"What are you and the little dude gonna do tonight? Where are you staying?" Emma continued, changing the subject.
"I've rented us a room at Eugenia's..."
"Inn?"
"Yes, Eugenia's Inn," David nodded. "That's the one."
"That's a very good place," Emma said. "I lived there myself for quite a while before renting this place."
"You have a great place here," David looked around in the living room and smiled. A tired of sort of smile. But still a smile.
"Thanks," Emma said, giving a bit of a grin. "I'm pretty fond of it myself..."
Regina chuckled. Reminded herself to be quiet so she didn't wake the baby in her arms. Neal was out cold. He was very warm and heavy in her arms. But that was alright. Regina didn't care. Not even if her arms started aching. She was fine with all of it. As long as Neal was happy.
"Perhaps we should be off now then," David glanced at Neal. "Try and get some shuteye. There are many things to take care of with the funeral and all..." he interrupted himself and covered his mouth when he yawned.
"Little man's not a good sleeper yet?"
"No, not quite." With that, David emptied his cup of coffee and stood from the couch.
You're supposed to give him the baby now, Regina told herself. She really, really should. But for some reason, her arms didn't quite do her bidding when it came to handing Neal back to his father. In fact, her arms weren't doing anything at all. Except holding the baby in place.
"Tell you what..." Emma's voice was slow. Regina recognized the way she spoke. An idea was forming in Emma's mind. But what kind of idea?
She soon found out. "Why don't you let the baby stay here tonight?" Emma continued. "Get a full night's sleep. You look like you could use it."
"Are you sure?" David asked doubtfully. "I don't want to just..."
"Regina, would it be alright with you if Neal spends the night here?" Emma asked, softly interrupting David and smiling beamingly at Regina.
Regina could only nod eagerly. She would absolutely love if little Neal could stay the night. She was already quite besotted with the baby.
"If it's really alright with you, I would appreciate that very much," David said gratefully. "I promise I'll be here to pick him up first thing tomorrow morning."
"Don't rush it," Emma said firmly. "Get some sleep."
"I'll try," David said and smiled at Emma. "It's been very nice to talk to you tonight, Emma. I hope we can do it again soon."
"Me, too," Emma said. A little wrinkle appeared between her eyebrows. "And as for the funeral... I don't know whether I'll be attending or not."
"That is entirely up to you," David said. "I'll understand if you don't want to come."
Emma gave a nod. "I'll walk you out."
Regina tried her best to stand from the couch so she could polite and say properly goodbye to David Blanchard, but with Neal in her arms, it was quite difficult.
"Please don't get up on my account," David said with a little smile. "It would be a pity to wake him up now."
It would. It absolutely would. Regina returned the smile and nodded.
"It was very nice to meet you properly, Regina."
Again, Regina couldn't say a proper goodbye when holding the baby. She had to settle for another smile. She gently rocked the baby in her arms as Emma and David disappeared into the hallway. She heard them say goodbye. It seemed to be a very comfortable goodbye. The sort of goodbye that exuded 'see you later'. Regina was happy about that. In time, Emma and David could start over. Get to know each other. Catch up on all the things they never had the chance to do when Mary Margaret was alive and holding them both in an iron grip. Mary Margaret was gone now. When one door closed, another one opened, Regina philosophically thought to herself.
"Wow. What a night," Emma half-groaned when she came back to the living room. She sat down heavily on the couch.
Regina nodded. Indeed. Moving day had turned out quite different from what she had expected. She had expected to go to bed and cuddle with Emma all night. And now she was sitting with a baby in her arms. What a twist.
"Now we're really playing house," Emma snickered as she looked at the sleeping Neal.
Regina chuckled. Yes, it would appear so.
"What happened to David..." Emma continued. "I can't believe it. All this time I thought that he just didn't care, but he was afraid of Mary Margaret. She was hurting the both of us, and I never saw it. I never realized what she was doing to him-"
Enough. Regina put a gentle hand on Emma's arm. Carefully adjusted the baby in her arms so she could sign: 'you were a kid. It wasn't your job to notice that kind of thing.' Just like it hadn't been Henry's job to notice. Innocent kids, the both of them. With far too heavy burdens on their young shoulders. She looked at little Neal, all asleep in her arms. He would be okay. Because now he had Emma in his life.
"And now she's dead," Emma said softly. "I don't... I don't know how to feel about that. It feels like... It feels like she's been gone for longer. Like she actually died when she kicked me out back then. At least that's when she stopped existing to me."
Regina found her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. It was difficult to offer any kind of consolation right now. She couldn't imagine how difficult this had to be for Emma. Someone was dead. Someone who was supposed to have been Emma's mother but had turned out to be anything but. How was Emma even supposed to react?
"The baby she lost..." Emma murmured, frowning again. "Do you think that's what caused her to become that way? Do you think she could have been a good mother and wife if she hadn't lost that baby?"
Regina mirrored Emma's frown as she signed: 'it's difficult to say. But as tragic as that is, it is not a reason to exercise violence. Neither physical nor psychological. And it's definitely not an excuse.'
"Of course not," Emma said, quickly agreeing with her. "I just... I wonder why she did what she did."
'My guess is, that she felt the urge to make threats and intimidate when she felt loss of control,' Regina signed. She of course couldn't be sure, she only had her own experience to go on. But it was not farfetched to believe that Mary Margaret Blanchard's mind had worked in the same way. 'My ex hit me when he felt like I wasn't doing what he wanted me to do. I think it was the same for your adoptive mother.'
"You are probably right." Emma snuggled closer to her, and she seemed to shiver a bit. "We should go to bed. It's been one hell of a night."
Regina silently agreed. And she wasn't the only one. Little Neal hiccupped in his sleep. What a sweet sound. She felt her lips twitch, but managed to swallow back her amusement. She didn't want to wake him.
"I suppose I better maneuver that stroller upstairs," Emma said as she rose from the couch. "He'll have to sleep in that tonight. Do you think that's okay?"
Regina nodded. That should be completely fine.
"Or he could sleep between us if he feels lonely," Emma said over her shoulder and began pushing the stroller towards the stairs.
Regina chuckled quietly at that. She wouldn't mind little Neal sleeping between them. She wouldn't mind it at all…
In the bedroom, it quickly became abundantly clear that Neal needed his diaper changed. Emma offered to do so, but Regina smilingly brushed the offer aside. She was fine with doing it. There was a diaper bag underneath the bassinet of the stroller. Regina managed to wiggle a diaper out of the bag and smilingly rejected Emma's offer a second time. She only needed Emma to find a box of wet wipes for her.
Once Emma had done so, Regina went off to the bathroom with Neal in her arms.
Changing his diaper wasn't that hard of a job, really. Even if Neal was a bit of a kicker. But that was only sweet, Regina thought. She tickled his little belly to keep him occupied as she cleaned him off and changed his diaper.
He was actually asleep by the time Regina was done. All she needed to do was pick him up and carry him back to the bedroom where Emma was waiting. She had no choice but to use her bottom to open the bedroom door, and Emma snickered sweetly at her.
The sound made Regina chuckle as well. Then she put Neal down in his stroller. He did not wake. Only cooed one more time before settling properly. With the baby out of her arms, Regina could change out of her yoga pants, tanktop and bra and replace them with a pajamas. She chose red for the night. She did so like red. Once she had buttoned the pajama top, she turned around and smiled at Emma. Climbed into bed.
"Hi," Emma grinned.
Regina silently formed the word 'hi'.
"This is fun," Emma said, now chuckling softly.
Regina lifted an eyebrow. She wasn't sure she followed.
"Having a kid with you," Emma clarified. That little grin was still lurking in the corner of her mouth. "Maybe it's a bit soon given how we just moved in together, but it's definitely fun."
Oh. Regina chuckled. 'He is a very sweet little boy' she signed and hoped that her signs weren't too slurred. She was getting a bit sleepy.
"He definitely is," Emma nodded. "And who knows, maybe we get to hang out more with him in the future. Would you like that?"
Regina nodded but was quick to follow it up with: 'only if it is okay with you.'
Neal chose that moment to hiccup in his sleep again, and Emma chuckled again. "Seriously? How could I possibly not be okay with that? He's adorable. And you're adorable with him." she wiggled closer, and Regina immediately wrapped her arms around her. "This has been a weird night."
Regina rumbled in agreement. It definitely had been a weird night.
"I'm glad he came tonight and not last night," Emma mumbled into her pajamas. "Otherwise you wouldn't have been here. And the fact that you were here... well, that meant everything."
The words woke Regina's protective instincts, and she tightened her grip a little around Emma.
"I'm sorry," Emma said softly and shifted in her arms. Looked at her.
What? Regina frowned and formed a single word, 'why?' as one of her eyebrows lifted.
"The things he said... I know that triggered certain things for you, and I don't want you to think about that. At least not tonight. I want tonight to be a happy night for us."
Words were quite unnecessary right now. Regina let her action speak instead as she kissed Emma's forehead. Then another. Then to her cheek. And to her lips.
"You are happy?" Emma guessed and sounded a bit goofy now.
Regina nodded eagerly. It would be hard to find another person happier than she was tonight.
"And you're not just saying that to make me feel better?"
No. Obviously not. Regina scowled and shook her head.
"Okay, okay," Emma did not pursue the subject and gave a soft laugh. "I just wanted to make sure." She pressed a kiss to Regina's lips and then announced: "there. Now I've done what I planned on doing. Kissed you goodnight on the first night we live together. That's gonna be a crucial part of our bedtime routine from now on. You're cool with that, right?"
Regina chuckled and nodded. She was more than 'cool' with that.
"Awesome," Emma grinned, snuggled closer. "Goodnight, babe. I hope my brother will sleep through the night by some miracle."
Yeah, no, that was definitely not going to happen, Regina could already tell. Neal was a baby, after all. Babies didn't sleep through the night. Emma was being very optimistic right now.
Regina gave her girlfriend a little squeeze and pulled the covers over the both of them.
Neal hiccupped in his sleep. Then gave a little coo.
Regina was also 'cool' with falling asleep to the sound of that.
To Be Continued….