Thank you Amyress, my beta and encouragement.
Thank you BJHanssen, my conscience and best critic.
Careena was pleasant but not very helpful, she was just as disturbed by the situations as I was. I thanked her for her time and asked her for a cab to take me to the Dracon Trade Center. While I waited I saw a certain Drell walking toward me with a duffle bag flung across his back.
"Kayla," Thane greeted me with a pleasant look and a nod as he moved to walk past me and board the ship. He must have picked up on my tension because his face became serious as he dropped his bag and faced me. "What's wrong?" I didn't hesitate.
"John and two others from the crew left the ship to check in with an old friend of his," I began, taking a breath to focus. "A few hours later we discovered there was an attempt on this friend's life but no body was recovered. When John and the others went to another location, seemingly to locate her, the building exploded. That's the last I've heard so I'm waiting for a cab to take me to the scene." Realizing that every emotion I was feeling poured into each word I'd just said I dropped my arms to my sides and looked at Thane apologetically. He grasped my forearm and gave it a gentle squeeze.
"It's alright," he assured me, then bent over to dig through his bag. Retrieving a sniper rifle and a pistol, he strapped them to his person and tossed the bag onto the Normandy's platform. He then stood beside me again and clasped his hands behind his back.
"I'm with you."
By the time we arrived at the Trade Center John, Liara, and Miranda were climbing into a sky car, leaving Jacob behind. Panic took over and I bolted across the open-air platform, headed straight for them.
"John!" I shouted above the noise from the still-crumbling building, jumping over obstacles to get to him. About to shut the door his eyes shot to mine and widened.
"Kayla?" He started to get out of the car when Liara grabbed his arm.
"We have to go now!" she practically growled, to which John shot her a nasty look. Shaking his head he looked back at me.
"Get back to the Normandy, I'll be there soon." I knew he was trying to sound reassuring as he slammed the door shut and took off like a rocket but it did nothing to stop my pounding heart. I skidded to a stop as I watched the small ship disappear. Why did he leave? I can't protect him if I'm not with him! A hand on my shoulder broke my train of thought as I turned to see Jacob's brown eyes looking into mine, conveying understanding.
"Come on," he gestured to a transportation terminal. "Commander's orders." I watched him walk away but I was frozen to the spot. Confused, I ran a hand through my hair and stared at the ground. Shit. What do I do now? There has to be something...
The feeling was very new to me, control and focus had become old friends and to not have a direction was disorienting to say the least. And then it dawned on me, the one place where all of this confusion and tumult was coming from. Shaking my head, a small laugh escaped my lips.
I'd never been left behind before.
I was always at the front, always the one to make the difficult decisions, to bear the brunt and all of the blame but John had taken that away from me. He took the responsibility and shouldered it, accepted the burden and didn't think twice or even flinch. I'd never felt so lost around someone…
Or so in awe of them.
"Kayla, you comin'?" Jacob's voice traveled through the cloud that had surrounded me. I shot a look in his direction, seeing Thane had joined him, and gave them a nod. Focus.
"On my way."
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Waiting. Blech.
I was never good at waiting. Patience was not my strong suit and it didn't take long for everyone on the ship to figure that out. I paced the CIC. When I realized I was getting strange looks I moved to the mess. Got some stranger looks there, even a few sympathetic ones from Garrus so I went down into Engineering.
The long span of the walkway was perfect for my mindless striding and before I knew it I was out of breath. Coming to a stop by the elevator I huffed out in my frustration and ran my fingers through my hair, gripping it and tugging at the roots. Argh, why do I feel so caged? So helpless?
Because you love him.
The voice came unbidden, an involuntary response that burned through me to my very soul. This can't be happening, it isn't happening! I pulled harder on my blonde mop, using the pain to help me focus when suddenly it all clicked.
My reaction to Garrus' assessment of our argument. How I avoided him afterward. My heart jumping into my throat when he finally cornered me to ask me to assist with an op…
And then the merc I almost killed.
All of those things alone would have made any dummy realize they were in love but not me. No, I was completely in denial, convincing myself I was keeping him at arm's length for his own good. My heart sunk down into the pit of my stomach.
And now you may never...
A gravelly laugh came from one end of the hall and I dropped my hands to my sides, turning to face my audience.
"You have about as much patience for this shit as I do," Zaeed's crooked smile was genuine as he subtly gestured for me to join him. Grateful for the diversion, I breathed out a small laugh and shook my head.
"I can guarantee I am terrible company right now," I replied. He disappeared into his room for a moment then came back into view with a familiar looking bottle in hand, waving it at me.
"Something tells me this will make you good company," he smirked and headed back in. Laughing, I walked down the hall and into the large room the aging merc had made his own.
The bottle was a bourbon I was familiar with, one of my favorites actually, and he poured each of us three fingers as we chatted. The memorabilia he'd scattered around the room drew my attention, each one with a story that he was happy to tell and honestly I was happy to listen. We were bent over an old Avenger when Joker interrupted us.
"Hey Kayla," he teased, "guess who's back." I breathed a sigh of relief as I turned to Zaeed.
"Thank you for the distraction," I smiled and nodded, handing him my empty glass and getting a nod and a smirk from him before heading for the door.
In the elevator I was tapping my foot and rubbing my fingers together. Suddenly I stopped, stomping a few times and shaking out my hands. Since when do you let your nerves get the best of you, Reid. Cut the shit and focus. I squeezed my eyes shut and took a long deep breath, exhaling the tension as the door opened to the CIC.
Not seeing John, I rounded the corner and and entered the weapons locker. No one was in there either so I moved to the Briefing Room. When I walked in everyone turned to look at me, halting the conversation.
John was at his usual spot at the opposite side of the room, Miranda to his left and Liara to his right. Jacob had joined them, looking over Miranda's shoulder at something on her omni tool. He looked up shortly after and saw everyone staring at me. Apparently unwilling to add to my embarrassment he refrained. Well, this was not thought through at all.
"Apologies," I nodded to John, "I'm intruding. I'll speak with you later." I spun on my heel and calmly left the room. As the doors shut behind me I stood in the hall and berated myself.
I never could get the hierarchy of the Agency through my head. I always stepped on other people's toes and asserted myself into situations that were outside of my 'pay-grade', it would be pure ignorance to think this place and time would be any different. Annoyed with myself, I took a step to the left to go into the weapons locker when the door behind me opened and someone took my arm.
"Good, you didn't go far," John's voice whispered into my ear, raising the little hairs on the back of my neck as the door slid shut behind him. I turned quickly to face him, his hand still holding my arm gently. Looking up into his eyes I felt like my body was melting and adjusted my stance to be sure my legs wouldn't give out. His mouth moved but I didn't hear what he said, I was so mesmerized by those eyes, his proximity…
Is he wearing cologne?
"Sorry, what?" I exhaled, finding it mildly difficult to breathe. He didn't move, didn't avert his eyes, he didn't even crack a grin at my obvious distraction. He just stared, his eyes seemingly locked on mine.
"I'm sorry I sent you away," he whispered. WOW my heart is pounding! Breathe!
"It's-no, it's... fine," I stumbled for words but still couldn't look away. I felt his chest brush against me and his breath on my face, both sensations sending a jolt through my body. His free hand brushed the hair away from my face then rested on my cheek.
"No," he shook his head slowly, never breaking eye contact. "No it's not. And once this mission is complete I will never do it again. I promise." My hands were on his chest, elbows bending ever so slightly to allow him closer. His head bent down and my heart broke into a run, closing my eyes in anticipation...
And then the door opened behind him.
An unfamiliar female voice let out a startled "Oh!" and my eyes popped open. John's face was a breath away, frustration slowly taking over his perfectly sculpted features as he rested his forehead on mine and let out a silent huff.
"Did you need something Liara?" His annoyance was barely contained but he managed to sound polite as he slowly slid his hand down my cheek, trailing his fingers down my neck then reluctantly dropping the appendage to his side. His eyes opened and caught mine, an apology and a promise lurking deep within them as he took a small step back.
"N-n-no, sorry!" she stuttered, rushing away and into Mordin's lab. I glanced at her retreating form. At least she had the decency to be embarrassed. Looking back up at John I saw a small smile gracing his lips. The moment passing and the shock wearing off, I couldn't help but let out a giggle prompting his smile to broaden.
"I can't win, can I?" he asked, releasing his grip on me to run his hand gently up and down my arm. I smiled shyly and cleared my throat. Time to get off that subject.
"So what are you all planning in there?" I asked, gesturing to the door he'd just come from. He glanced back at it and let out a strained breath.
"I'll fill you in later," he said, then looking back at me he forced a smile. "Right now I have to handle this." He stuck a thumb toward Mordin's door, shaking his head. I gave him a quick smile and lowered my gaze, turning toward the Locker door.
"Later then," I replied. Eager to get the hell out of there, the door opened in front of me so I moved to go through it... and bumped head first into Garrus. "Ow!" I cried, backing away and rubbing my head where we'd made contact. He took my chin and raised it, looking over the affected area thoughtfully.
"Eh, you'll live," he remarked with a smirk. Looking back and forth between John and I, his facade went from amusement to what I thought was suspicion as he dropped his talon to his side. "Did I interrupt something?" I coughed, surprise overtaking me for a moment before I started shaking my head.
"Not at all," John insisted, maybe a bit too emphatically. I looked at the Turian closely. Nope, not buying it.
"I need to borrow her," Garrus said, his amusement at the scene in front of him clear. "That is, if you are done with her." I felt the blush coming on, my whole face slowly turning beet red so I faced John, trying to hide it from the Turian. The Commander looked over at me and, seeing my expression, gave me the sweetest smile that made my heart do a little jump in my chest.
"I'll see you later," he said then turned to enter Mordin's lab, glancing back at Garrus. "All yours!" he said as the door closed. I shook my head at the door and turned to glare at Garrus.
"Seriously?" I asked. The Turian held up his hands in surrender and shook his head.
"How was I supposed to know you were making nice with the commander in the hall?" As I sputtered, starting to object he dropped his hands. "We'll talk about that later, right now I need to talk to you. In private." I could tell by the set of his mandibles whatever was on his mind it was serious. Dropping my protests for the moment, I nodded and gestured to the door behind him.
"After you."