Hello again!
Yes, I'm back and not two months from the last update I might add. ;)
We are going to try another POV shift, starting with John in this chapter. I will try to make the transition clear with several forms of punctuation like this (|)(|)(|)(|). Maybe little notes like 'Him' and 'Her'. Hopefully something will be clear.
Love having my followers, guests and new readers review, please feel free!
Him
I couldn't breathe.
It was as if I had to remind myself to do it, inhaling deep through my nose then exhaling slowly out of my mouth as I stared at the woman on the table. I swallowed hard, my heart beating like mad in my ears as I waited for her to make some kind of movement or sound. As focused as I was, I barely noticed as people walked in and out of the room.
When the shock finally subsided, I had contacted the ship and asked Dr. Chakwas to come down to the planet. She was accompanied by Garrus and Kasumi, which I expected, as well as Kelly. They all tried to be positive and supportive, but we all knew we had a limited amount of time before the Alliance showed up and we could not be there when they did.
The mission is more important, Sam would kick my ass if I compromised it.
Dr. C worked diligently with Anila, exchanging ideas and being each others' sounding board as they looked over scan after scan. At first I tried to follow what they were talking about but that ended quickly when I reminded myself that I had zero background in neurology.
Falere, which I found out was Samara's youngest daughter, was constantly trying to get me to eat. She offered me protein bar after protein bar and when I shook my head a few times finally a bottle of water appeared instead. I relented and took the water, if only to make her feel like she was helping. Everyone wanted to help, but I was getting the feeling that no one in that room could help Sam…
Except Sam.
She was the one who had already crawled out of the depths of an Ardat-Yakshi invasion of her mind. She was the one that fought her way back to me before, and now she was fighting her way back to me again.
At least I hoped.
So I sat there in that room, watching as people came and went, nodding as they tried to comfort me, and the whole time I tried to make it seem like I was in control, absolutely sure she would be fine.
Inside I was screaming.
A few hours had passed since the episode. Kelly and Kasumi had returned to the ship but Garrus stayed behind. He was one of my closest friends, a comforting presence and he knew it.
We sat in the uncomfortable chairs, watching intently as the doctors lifted the scanner, examined Sam, talked, looked at the screen, then lowered it again. After the third or so time, as the enclosure dropped I swore I saw Sam's hand move.
I bolted to the table, watching through the glass to see if it happened again, my eyes darting between her hand and her face. Both women were frantically asking me what I saw but I just shook my head, praying under my breath that what I thought I had seen actually happened.
And then her brow furrowed.
I slammed my hand on the glass, demanding, "Get it up!"
Anila raced back to the controls, slapping the release button. As it moved I curled my fingers underneath it, pushing it up faster to get to Sam. When there was enough clearance, I moved to take her into my arms but Dr. C jumped in front of me.
Her hand landed gently on my arm and she swallowed hard before speaking, "Shepard, I know you're eager but you need to take something into consideration." She looked at Anila then back at me with sad eyes. "Samantha may not be Samantha anymore."
She let that sink in as she released me and I stepped away from the table hesitantly. I looked at the face of the woman I'd held in my arms only a few hours ago, trying to process the doctor's words. Sam might not be Sam, wait, does she mean Kayla might be the one in control now? My gut clenched at the thought, so I swallowed my fear and took a breath before turning my eyes back to the older woman.
I formed the sentence in my head before saying it out loud, "Kayla may have taken over." A statement more than a question but Doc sighed, worry evident in her eyes as Anila joined her at her side.
The Asari looked drained as she weighed her words, "According to the patterns we are seeing, there is a chance, yes." Before I could interject, she put up a finger to stop me, "However, they are not conclusive so we will not know until she wakes up.
"Now, keeping that in mind, Sam wanted to be absolutely sure that, no matter what, Kayla would not be free to return to Cerberus. So, I am going to strap her down and we will see who wakes up." I opened my mouth to protest but I could hear Sam's voice in the back of my mind chastising me. Don't you dare let that bitch go free after what she's done. I sighed and nodded.
Anila nodded back and continued, "Remember, we don't know anything about Kayla. We don't know how she speaks, how she acts, her facial expressions, and we most certainly don't know if she has been aware of everything that's happened since Sam took over so we need to be cautious." She looked back at the sleeping form on the scanning table and sighed, "Sam would want us to be very cautious."
Looking back up at me, Anila smiled gently, "I believe you would be the only one who would know 100% whether or not it is her. I'll defer to your judgement, but in the meantime…" she turned back to the table and began securing the straps, adding one to her midsection and one to her forehead. She then stepped back, keeping her eyes on the woman. "Ok...
"Let's wake her up."
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Her
Holy hell my head hurts.
It was my only clear thought as the fog lifted, how badly my head hurt and how I was going to make it stop. I had no idea where I was, so that was going to be tricky.
Thinking that my neck may be the issue, I tried to turn it to relieve some pressure, but I soon realized I was unable. Blinking my eyes against the light, I grumbled in my discomfort.
"Good morning."
A man's voice from the brightness startled me, making me jump slightly as I tried to focus in on the dark spot. Was that voice familiar? Wow my head hurts!
"How are you feeling?" A woman this time, from the other side of me, but instead of just a dark spot it was more blue.
I squeezed my eyes shut, whimpering, "Can I get something for the pain?" I tried to lift my head again, forgetting about the strap around my forehead and grimacing. "And can I ask why I am being restrained?"
"For your own safety," the man's voice again. I turned my head slightly to the right, trying to focus on the dark blob unsuccessfully.
Sighing in defeat, I closed my eyes again, "Don't worry, I'm listening, just having trouble focusing." I felt a rush of cool through my veins, and the headache slowly subsided. I smiled blissfully. "Thank you! You have no idea."
I opened my eyes and took in the person standing over me.
Dark hair, bright blue eyes, strong jaw, broad shoulders, he could only be one man.
I smiled up at him, "John Shepard."
He smiled back, "And you are?"
I laughed, opening my mouth to say my name, but I realized… I wasn't entirely sure. I clamped my mouth shut, looking away to contemplate my confusion.
What the hell, I can't remember my own name? It's simple, my name is… shit.
Looking back up at him sheepishly, I let out a small sigh, "I'm still a bit groggy, can't really focus." Frustration bubbled up, threatening to explode from my mouth but I swallowed it down. Until you have all of your faculties you stay silent.
You don't know these people. At least you don't think you do. Ah, shit shit SHIT.
Shepard nodded at me, "It's alright. No one is going anywhere." He winked at me, "You included."
Somehow that was not comforting.
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Him
I motioned to Anila then out toward the hall, to which she nodded and left the room.
I followed, rubbing my forehead in frustration, "Ok, so she's not fully awake yet, right?"
Her eyes darted from the doorway back to me, "She had a grand mal seizure, so it could take a while before she comes out of the fog."
I dropped my hand, "How long? On average, I mean."
She shrugged, "Could be a few minutes, could be hours. It varies from patient to patient." She looked at her omni tool. "Her seizure lasted about 6 minutes, so I estimate it could take up to 6 hours for her to be fully clear. But again, it varies." Her frustration was obvious as she returned to my gaze. "You are being far more patient about all this than I am."
I smiled, "Not on the inside." She laughed as I glanced at the doorway. "Do you have any suggestions about what I should say? Maybe what I shouldn't say? I don't want to lead her, or give her clues if it is Kayla. What do you think?"
She looked down at her hands, shaking her head before she looked back up at me, "Honestly, I don't know, but go with your gut. Don't give her any details, but talk to her about how she's feeling, maybe what she can see, what memories she can pull to the surface. How she thinks she looks, hair color, eye color, all that." Closing her eyes, she huffed out her nose. "This is the shitty part."
I quirked an eyebrow at her, "What part is that, doc?"
"The waiting game."
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Her
"Hey there," that calm male voice woke me. Not even realizing I had dozed off, I shook my head a bit and tried to wipe my eyes.
Laughing at the straps that still hindered me, I winked at him, "Almost forgot." When he gave me a confused look I gestured down to my wiggling fingers, to which he smiled and nodded.
He took a breath and sighed, "Yeah, hopefully those will be off soon." He pulled a chair to the side of the surface I was laying on and sat, looking at me thoughtfully for a few moments before speaking. "So this is going to sound strange, but can you tell me what color you hair is?"
I quirked an eyebrow, "Huh?"
The man put up a hand in surrender, "I know, sounds weird, but you had a seizure and we want to know how far out of it you are. We're trying to spur your memory, so can you tell me?"
What he said made sense for some reason, so, looking away, I furrowed my brow in thought. Hair, what color is my hair? I closed my eyes, trying to picture myself in a mirror. It was a blur, which elicited a growl from me.
His hand was on mine in a split second, "Hey, just relax. Let it come to you, don't force it.
"Close your eyes and breathe. Empty your mind, just let it come. The information is there, it's just a matter of bringing it to the surface." His hand gently brushed a few stray hairs away from my face. "Seriously, close your eyes."
I took a breath and nodded, closing them tightly and visualizing a dark room in my head. Shoving all the anxiety into a box, I closed the lid and pushed it into an adjacent room, locking the door behind me. Given there wasn't really anything else going on up there, the room in my mind was suddenly black, empty. Taking a few slow breaths, I waited, then suddenly...
Flashes of color. Feeling breath on my skin, rapture, grasping, kissing, loving. Intense emotions, all hitting me at once. I don't deserve him.
Faces appearing then disappearing before me, smiling, laughing, joking. Friends.
Gunfire, rolling, dodging, screaming, powerful fear taking over, then arms around me, calming, secure. Home.
Darkness, wandering, floating, drifting, free. Peace.
Pain, physical and emotional, loss, grief, regret. What am I supposed to do without him?
Love, quiet calm, break in the ordinary life of lies and deception. Happy, but for how long?
It came back. All of it. Like a whirlwind of emotions and physical pain, it wracked my body and mind until everything felt broken, beaten, battered and bruised. I sobbed, wailing into a room full of people who were strangers but not really strangers, until I felt the restraints being removed and strong arms lifting me off the table.
I curled up in his lap and grasped at his shirt, pushing my face into his chest to take him in. My reason for survival. My reason for being. My reason for wanting to be.
"John."
A hand brushed my hair away from my face and cupped my cheek, then lips pressed against my head.
"Sam."