Not only am I still kicking, but off we go to Tuchanka! For a while anyway.

Enjoy and please review!

Sam

Even armed to the teeth with new weapons, ammo and upgraded armor, as soon as we stepped off the shuttle part of me wanted to run back into it and hide behind Joker.

There were two large Krogan on the landing pad, glaring at us briefly as we departed. One was in red armor, the other in steel gray, but once we'd set foot on the landing pad they largely ignored us. Thank GOD.

When we approached the main entrance, three guards raised their weapons at us, forcing us to stop in our tracks. The leader stepped forward and attempted to stare John down, unsuccessfully.

Giving up, he shook his head, "The clan leader wants to speak with you." Then he gestured to Grunt. "Keep your rutting pet on a short leash. Get him the rite soon, or put him down."

John seemed confused, "You know what's wrong with him, what he needs?"

The lead guard waved off John's concern, "There's nothing wrong with him. Just go speak with the clan leader."

As the guards lowered their weapons and walked away, I swallowed my heart back down my throat, "That was tense."

John smiled, "I'd have been surprised if we didn't face some opposition. It's a Krogan thing." His indifferent shrug didn't do much to assure me as we proceeded down the hall.

When we reached the end of the hallway, which was more like the remnants of a crumbled building than an existing structure, we were greeted by a large room full of Krogan. I swallowed and dropped all outward expression from my face just as the realization of where I was hit me… Fuck. Keep it under control, Hackett.

Completely unfazed, John glanced over the area then looked back at Grunt, apparently waiting for his reaction.

Grunt looked around, then settled his gaze on what looked like a fighting pit and approached it, "This is the great Krogan homeworld? This is the land of Kredak, Shiagur and Veeoll?" He shook his head in disgust, "This chunk of rock is barely worth standing on." He turned away from the pit, glancing at me, "Never thought I'd miss the tank."

Sensing his anger was actually disappointment, I approached him, rubbing shoulders, "It appears to be a rough life for your people, maybe that is where their strength comes from." He considered my words with a grunt.

John gestured to get our attention, waving toward a make-shift platform in the debris, "Let's ask Wrex if he has any suggestions about your situation." Waiting for me to acknowledge, he must have noticed my trepidation and moved to stand in front of me.

His knuckle under my chin, our eyes met, "You've got this." His determination and confidence washed over me until I felt some of it as my own. "Everyone here is just a person, one to either get to know or to avoid." He looked around, then wrinkled his nose a bit. "Very large, smelly people, but people nonetheless." A giggle escaped my lips which brought a comforting smile to John's face, warming me from the inside. I gave him a slight nod and we started across the room.

As we climbed a pile of rubble that had a few Kroan standing atop it, we were greeted by what appeared to be an older male in red armor, "Shepard." After nodding to John, the large alien looked me over thoroughly, making me slightly uncomfortable but I was able to hide it. I think.

He hummed what I considered approval when our eyes met, "So, you must be Sam."

I felt John adjust his footing next to me, clearly uncomfortable with whatever the Krogan was about to say. "Wrex…" It was a warning, but a friendly one.

I shot a glance toward John then looked back at the large alien, lifting my chin slightly and allowing a soft smirk to grace my lips, "Got somethin' to say, Red?"

A look of what I thought was glee took over his face, "He he he, oh I like her Shepard. I may challenge you for her."

I snorted before I could stop myself and rolled my eyes, "I am not that kind of girl, pal." Adjusting my stance, I turned slightly toward John and smiled.

He smiled softly back at me then turned to the Krogan, smirking, "You'd probably have to fight her, Wrex," he jutted his thumb in my direction, "and my credits are on her."

The clan leader's laugh echoed throughout the hall, "You're not deterring me, Shepard!" Shaking his head at the smaller human, he turned back to face me. Just then he seemed to realize that Grunt was behind me and looked at him curiously. "I understand you have a problem."

John motioned to Grunt, "He has some kind of sickness, needs treatment."

Wrex motioned for John to step aside as he approached the younger Krogan, staring him dead in the eye, "Where are you from whelp? Was your clan destroyed before you could learn what is expected of you?"

Grunt stepped toward Wrex, a careful challenge in his stance, "I have no clan. I was tank-bred by Warlord Okeer, my line distilled from Kredak, Moro, Shiagur-"

Another Krogan with a green crest stepped forward, appearing from the shadows behind Wrex's 'throne', "You recite warlords, but you are the offspring of a syringe!"

Grunt shrugged him off, "I am a pure Krogan. You should be in awe."

Wrex was thoughtful in his response, "Okeer is a very old name, a very hated name."

Grunt nodded, "He is dead." The matter-of-fact tone he used was slightly unnerving, as if he was talking about a smear on his boot. Continuing to watch the scene unfold, I began some breathing exercises to calm me. If this escalates, I need to be prepared to fight.

Wrex seemed to accept the statement as information and nodded back, "Of course, you're with Shepard. How could he be?"

John appeared to be annoyed with the interruption of the strange Krogan and stepped up to Wrex himself, "We need Grunt up to speed, what's wrong with him?"

Wrex shook his head, "There's nothing wrong with him. He's becoming a full adult."

I nodded, "Adolescence, I thought it may be."

Wrex waved off my comment, "I don't care what aliens call it, Krogan undergo the Rite of Passage."

Greenie stomped his way toward Wrex and pointed a finger at him, "Too far Wrex! Your clan may rule, but this thing is not Krogan." Then he stomped away.

Wrex shook his head after he'd gone, "Idiot." He then looked back at Grunt, sizing him up then nodding. "So Grunt, do you wish to stand with Clan Urdnot?"

Grunt looked at me as if looking for an answer, but I shook my head, "This is your choice. It's your life."

Accepting that, Grunt stepped back then turned away from the group, obviously considering his options. As he stood on the edge of the platform, he looked out over the fighting pit and the surrounding area. Waiting for him to come to a decision, I looked over at John who was watching the young Krogan intently as well. I smiled softly, appreciating the protective nature of the man I loved. Not all the time, mind you, but right now this protective side is sexy.

After a few moments, Grunt nodded and turned to face us, "It is in my blood. It is what I am for."

Wrex was pleased, "Good boy! Speak with the Shaman, he's over on the second level. Give him a good show, and he'll set you on the path." As we started to walk away, Wrex turned to John. "You too Shepard. How many times have you stepped in a mess for your crew, hm?" At that, the clan leader walked back over to his 'throne', settling into it awkwardly.

We made our way up to see the Shaman, though the idiotic green crested Krogan who I later found out was named Uvenk attempted to disrupt the conversation. John grabbed his collar and head butted him, much to my shock and delight, sending him reeling with his tail between his legs, literally. I had no idea how entertaining that place could be, probably would have come sooner.

It was explained to us that Grunt was to be tested and we, as his krant, had to 'adapt'. No further details were provided and we were escorted by the Shaman to a platform outside the living area.

"This is Tuchanka's most recent scar, the last surface city to fall in the rebellions. The keystone was at the heart," the Shaman explained as we walked through the rubble and through a metallic sectional tunnel. "It has survived wars and the passage of centuries. It endures - like the Krogan." At that, we emerged on the surface, a bright and blinding sun loomed large on the horizon. Grunt looked around in amazement.

The Shaman nodded, seemingly pleased by Grunt's reaction as we continued up a hill toward a platform, "If you wish to join Clan Urdnot, you must contemplate the keystone and its trials."

Grunt was quick to question, "What will happen?"

The Shaman shot back, "Who knows. You must adapt. You must thrive, no matter the situation. Any true Krogan will." And with that the Shaman left us outside, not before gesturing to a button he referred to as the 'keystone'.

My hackles up, I pulled out my Incisor and scanned the horizon, "Nothing out there yet." Lowering my weapon, I saw Grunt's shotgun out, as well as John's. I switched to the pistol, and nodded my readiness. Taking the hint, Grunt smacked the keystone with an expectant grin.

There was a voice over an ancient PA system talking about the Krogan and their past as strange looking animals swarmed us. Small and large, we fought them off, but wave after wave came at us. Every time I thought we had a moment to breathe, Grunt smacked that fucking button again and giggled like a little kid. I wanted to smack him a few times.

The whole time I could see John out of the corner of my eye watching me, each spare moment between enemies he would search madly for me. When he would find me, he would give me a once over. Then, satisfied I wasn't injured, he'd go back to what he was doing. One time he stared for too long and I turned to face him. Aiming for what he probably thought was his face, I took out a crab-like creature creeping up behind him with a few quick shots to it's head. His expression was priceless and did not go unnoticed by Grunt. I heard a bust-out laugh come over the comms from the Krogan before he smacked that fucking button again. Mental note, if I want to keep Grunt occupied, put him in front of a brightly lit keyboard.

Suddenly the voice over the PA was drowned out by a massive rumbling from beneath the ground. Wishing I had brought something more powerful than my newly acquired Talon (yes I raided Miranda's locker, again), I felt a ripple of fear go up my spine for the first time in a very long time. Ok, maybe this whole action thing was a bit premature.

Outside of the platform we were all standing on, up sprung the largest worm I had ever imagined could exist with the biggest teeth I had ever seen in my life. It's tongue was at least 20 feet long for Christ's sake! Fear was threatening to turn into panic, and then I heard it scream. FUCK!

"Fire! Fire! Fire!" John's voice came through the comms and snapped me back to reality. I raised my pistol but thought better of it and pulled out the Incisor again. More bang for your buck.

"The mouth and eyes are weak points, keep nailing it!" John's voice was elevated but steady, keeping us all calm and focused. As I aimed and fired I felt him alongside me. "Yeah, that's it, right in the back of the throat!"

Suddenly the thing reared back and John grabbed me by the waist, dragging me a few yards to get behind what looked like an old radio tower for cover. A green ooze splattered across the area where we had been standing. There was an audible hiss as steam rose up from it.

John looked over at me, noticing I saw it too, "Acid."

I laughed, "Of course the hell beast spits acid, why not?" I turned away from John, coming around the opposite side of the tower to get another shot.

Hit after hit, I nailed that son of a bitch in the throat, even got it in the eyes a few times but it didn't seem like it was going down. It just kept spitting that acid at us and delving back underground, only to pop up again and start it's bombardment all over.

Finally Grunt got a good shot at it and it reared back in what I assume was pain, made a few strange noises then fell over dead. I'd expected something more gradual, but I'd take it.

Coming out from behind cover, I looked at both John and Grunt expectantly, "Is it over?"

Suddenly a ship flew overhead and Grunt smacked his fists together, "We have company! Good, I want more." I sighed, shaking my head as I approached the LZ with Grunt and John.

Out of the shuttle came that green-capped pussy of a Krogan John had dealt with earlier, smirking at us, "You live. And you brought down the Thresher Maw. No one has done that in generations. Urdnot Wrex was the last."

Grunt stepped forward, "My krant gave me strength beyond my genes, which are damned good."

Greenie smiled, "True, your alien found weakness in some of my krant. I wonder, you say you are pure? Okeer constructed you? No alien meddling?"

Annoyed and tired, I felt my control slipping, "What the fuck is your point? You obviously want something, spit it out."

He was not happy with my interruption but I think he knew if he acted up he was fucked, "I want a reason to accept him into my clan, he may be a mistake but he is powerful."

Grunt growled, "You spit on my father's name. On Samantha's and Shepard's names! But now you stop ranting because I am strong?"

The green guy was apparently not paying attention to what was being said, "You would be allowed in with restrictions. You could not breed, of course, or serve on an alien ship. But you'd be clan in name." WIthout taking my eyes off him, I noticed on my peripheral three well armed and armored guards coming off the shuttle. So, this is a do or die scenario. I smirked under my helmet and clenched my fists in anticipation. This will be fun.

I couldn't stop myself, my Grunt was being talked about by this asshat like he was a prize fucking cow, "Please, all you give a shit about is the power you believe he possesses. Anything to put your pitiful ass on top. Do you think so little of him that he cannot see right through you?" I changed my stance to ready my sniper and huffed out a laugh, "Grunt has you beaten in the strength and the wits department TEN FOLD."

Greenie's sneer was laughable, "I get traditionalist support if I fight you, and reformer support if I back you. Your Rite of Passage tipped that balance too."

John huffed out a laugh, "If I know Grunt, your answer is coming at muzzle velocity." I took that as a cue and raised my gun to take aim at the closest guard, waiting for the moment…

Grunt grinned, "You do know Grunt, this varren is dead."

And with that, we decimated them.

A few minutes later Grunt was accepted into Clan Urdnot and requested that John and I be his battle-masters. Maybe requested is the wrong word, more like advised. I was so proud, it took all of my self-control to keep from tearing up.

Wrex was pleased as well, heaped tons of praise on the kid and welcomed him back when his 'Battlemasters' released him. Still grinning madly, Grunt nodded his consent and eventually we made our way back to the shuttle.

Back on the Normandy, I was mentally and physically exhausted so I stripped off my armor, reloaded and put away my weapons, then headed up to the cabin for a much needed and deserved shower.

I was faster than John, he had to brief everyone, so I quickly peeled off my sweat-drenched clothes and cranked up the hot water. Stepping under the cone of steam and spray, I sighed deeply. Oh yes, this is very nice.

After about 20 minutes of relishing the scalding water and scented soaps I stole from Lesuss, I turned it off and wrapped myself in a towel, walking out into the main room to dress. John was sitting on the couch, drink already in hand, as well as his head.

I stopped, turning to him, "Hey." He didn't respond, so I gingerly sat next to him. "I thought everything went well, is there something I missed?"

Leaning back on the couch, he took a long pull from his glass of bourbon and sighed, "I don't know if I can do that again."

I laughed and stood, moving toward the dresser to pull out some clothes, "Hopefully those Thresher Maws are native to Tuchanka and nowhere else." Drying off with the towel, I tossed it on the bed and dressed quickly in a pair of leggings and a tank top. Expecting to look over and see John smiling, I was taken off guard when I saw the expression he was giving me in that moment.

Is that fear?

I leveled my gaze at him, "John?" My heart was pounding, my mind racing. What hasn't he told me, what happened when we were away, is everyone alright?

Another sip and he put down his glass, standing to meet me at eye level, "I don't know how to say this."

My hackles rose, I could feel the tension pouring off of him and I knew right then it was something to do with me, "Just come out and say it." A slow nod from me and he sighed.

Unable to maintain eye contact, he looked away toward the mini bar, "Today was not my best day." Picking up his glass, he walked over to his distraction and poured another drink. He gestured the glass toward me in offering, and something told me to take it. He grabbed another and poured some more, all the while remaining silent.

Struggling with my racing thoughts, I was losing my patience and my tone was telling, "Out with it Shepard, what's the problem?" My voice and the use of his last name got his attention, so he spun around and finally faced me.

His eyes apologetic, he shook his head slightly as he spoke, "I can't be in the field with you anymore." His voice was quiet, like that of someone who couldn't believe what they were saying and were afraid of the consequences of their words. And it was justified, because I was instantly on the defensive.

My heart now firmly lodged in my throat, I swallowed a large gulp of bourbon and set it down on the coffee table before speaking, "And why is that exactly?" I waited a few heart beats, the battle running through my head and the fact that he seemed afraid to take his eyes off me settling into my gut like a lead ball. When he couldn't put it to words, I did it for him with a stiff nod and a firm tone. "Because you don't trust that I can handle myself anymore."

He quickly put down his glass on the mini bar and stepped toward me, "That's not it, honestly, I know you can. I saw you today-"

I put up a hand to stop him and glared, my voice low, "And I saw you today." Letting that settle in for a moment, I took a step backward toward the stairs with my hands clasped behind me. "I saw you watching me, constantly checking to see if I was injured, you were afraid to take your eyes off of me because you think I am incompetent."

He stepped toward me again, urgency all over his face, "No, I know better, in my head." Frustration came over his face when, closing the distance between us, he gently took hold of my shoulders and shook his head. "My heart is a completely different story."

Softening to his words and a little confused, I shook my head and loosened my hands, letting them fall to my sides, "I don't understand. What is the problem exactly?" I stared into those beautiful blue eyes searching for answers. I did not like what I saw... straight up fear.

Gripping my shoulders just a little more tightly, I swore I saw his eyes well up before he closed them, shaking his head again and clearing his throat, "I can't lose you. I know that now, after what happened with Morinth and everything you had to go through to get back to where you are, I can't let something like that happen again. And I know that in the field there are situations where I have no control and shit can go sideways but if something happened to you I-"

I almost laughed, but held back at the last moment, deciding to try to lighten the mood, "Seriously? John, shit can go sideways on this ship at any moment, do you think you can keep me in a bottle on a shelf and that nothing will ever happen to me?" Looking up at the man who, even though he'd spoken the words, knew better, I shook my head and gave him a disbelieving glare. Time for a reality check for the Commander. "I have been an agent in the CIA for over two decades. I have been under cover, had my cover blown, chased assassins across countries, been chased by assassins across countries, been planted in the middle of a fucking rebellion in the middle of the dessert in a third world country and yet here I stand." I motioned to the length of my body, then removed his hands from my shoulders.

His shoulders slumped, "I know that you have been in situations where lives were at stake and you handled it, and before you had your brain scrambled I would not even think to mention this, but I can't get it out of my head. You were in that danger because of me."

I shook my head and poked my finger into his chest, "I was in that danger because of me, because I wanted to help, to do what no one else could do better. And I would do it again in a heartbeat."

Fear was replaced with rage as he took hold of my shoulders again, more tightly than before, "I know."

We stood there for what seemed like forever but was probably only a few moments, communicating solely through our eyes. Conveying every emotion that with words, we could not.

I saw the rage and where it was directed, not at me but at the situation, as well as anyone or anything that would put me in danger again. My eyes were desperate to make him see that I felt the same way about him, but there was a blindness in his that made me realize the stance he was taking and how it would be dealt with would be a one way street. Whether it was the wrong way was to be seen.

Reeling in my obvious annoyance with his point of view, I attempted to reason with him as best I could, "I understand what you're feeling, I do. But you know as well as I do, we do not have the luxury of those feelings."

I saw the protest in his eyes and spoke before he could, "Right now we are soldiers at war. You are a decorated Marine, I am likely the last living CIA Agent, but when it comes down to it we are dispensable. We are dispensable because we do the jobs no one else can, so that normal people can live their lives never knowing about the boogey-man we stopped at the door. And that is who we are.

"We cannot change, we will not change, and we both know it. So when someone says to you that you can't do that job anymore, what do you say to them?" I looked up at him expectantly, knowing what the response should be but needing to hear him say it.

The emotions behind his eyes seemed at odds but eventually he spoke, slowly relinquishing his hold on me, "You don't understand what I am feeling, you couldn't. I don't even understand it fully. All I know is that when we were fighting that Thresher Maw, I could not focus. All I could think about was keeping you safe and I cannot work like that and do my job." Looking away for a moment, he ran a hand over his head then closed his eyes. "I have to do this, there is too much riding on this mission, I have to see this through and I have to be 110% focused on the moment." His eyes met mine, regret and fear laid bare. "I can't do that when all I can think about is you."

Taken aback, I felt my chest tighten so my words came out as a whisper, "So I'm a liability now?"

John visibly swallowed, then slowly nodded his head, choking out the word "Yes."

I felt my hands start to shake. Rage, confusion, frustration, grief, every negative emotion was running through me all in the span of a few moments. My mouth went dry, my heart lodged so firmly in my throat that I could barely breathe, it took all my strength to just stand there and not crumple into a ball on the floor at his feet. But I didn't. I couldn't. He had just essentially called me useless and I was not about to prove him right. Closing my eyes to concentrate, I let the rage come front and center and drew strength from it.

When I had what I needed to complete the conversation, I opened my eyes, conveying only contempt and annoyance with both them and my voice, "Then drop me off at Omega and have a nice life."