Chapter Eleven: Love Advice from Mr. Moony

Lily and Sirius go head-to-head in a Firewhisky competition. Remus bares his soul to Lily. Both Lily and Remus are left with some serious things to consider.

Lily felt as though her first week in her final year at Hogwarts had lasted a month. She was relieved to find herself packing up from Potions, her last class on Fridays. This has felt like the longest week of my life, Lily thought as she cleaned up her station.

While nothing of much incident had happened that week, Lily had been finding it difficult to concentrate on her classes. Her mind kept wandering to everything that was going on in her life; the war, Petunia, Head duties, James. Lily usually loved the first week of school, and she was becoming increasingly frustrated with her lack of focus.

This is the most critical year of your entire school career, Lily scolded herself. No one can take this away from you. Not Petunia, not James, not even Voldemort.

"See you all next week," Professor Slughorn said as their class was heading out the door. "Excellent job today! Miss Evans, may I have a word, please?"

Lily groaned inwardly as she walked towards his desk. She liked Horace Slughorn; she really did. But some days, she could just not handle him, and today seemed to be one of those days.

"Yes, Professor?" she asked as cheerily as she could manage. Fortunately, it didn't take too much enthusiasm to appease Slughorn.

"I just wanted to say congratulations on becoming Head Girl," Lily couldn't help but genuinely smile at how sincere he sounded.

"Thank you, sir," Lily smiled at him.

"Although, I can't say I was all that surprised. Between you and me, I voted for you. But, don't mention that to Miss Malone," he said with a chuckle.

Mandy Malone was a seventh year Slytherin prefect and probably should have been Slughorn's vote for Head Girl, seeing as she was in his house. Serves her right for being a fucking twat, Lily thought with a shrewd smile. Mandy and Lily had never gotten on.

"Anyway, I was hoping you could do me a favor," Slughorn continued. "I'm planning a fabulous gathering of the Slug Club, and we have a very special guest attending. He has specifically requested the presence of the Head Girl and the Head Boy. Now, Mr. Potter has been avoiding my parties for years; claims he always has Quidditch practice or detention –"

"Well, to be fair, James most likely does have the latter I'm afraid," Lily joked.

Slughorn howled with laughter. "Very well, I'll give him that one. But, since you're working so closely with him, I was hoping you could feed me some dates you know he's free so he can't worm his way out of this one. He's always been, shall we say, very fond of your company. So, I'm hoping with your assistance and some extra pressure from our special guest, I can finally get him to come around."

"May I ask who the guest is?" Lily asked.

"Someone I believe you have already had the pleasure of meeting," Slughorn said with a smirk. "Mr. Fleamont Potter. He hasn't stopped raving about you."

Lily blushed fiercely. "He is much too kind. But, I'm sure between myself and Mr. Potter, we can get James there."

"That's the spirit!" Slughorn exclaimed. "I'll wait to hear from you about a few dates so I can get back to Monty, yeah? Alright now, go and enjoy your weekend."

Lily sighed loudly as she walked out of the classroom and saw Marlene waiting for her. "I need a cigarette, a scotch, and a nap. Not necessarily in that order."

Marlene laughed. "Honey, you need a boy, and it's not as though you're especially scarce on suitors."

Lily groaned. Her plan to impress James Potter this week had gone a little too well. She suddenly found herself being gawked at everywhere she went. She didn't think she was anything special to look at, especially not next to Marlene. It was only a new hairstyle and a short skirt. Lily didn't find these to be particularly life-altering factors, but apparently, the boys of Hogwarts thought differently.

The worst part was Lily had no idea if she was impressing James Potter, which had been her ultimate goal. He was treating exactly as he had been all last year; with friendly regard. Which wasn't a bad thing; it just wasn't precisely what she wanted. Quite honestly, the whole thing made her feel absolutely foolish.

"I've never worked this hard to impress anyone," Lily complained as she and Marlene walked back to Gryffindor Tower. "Not a boy, and especially not James Potter."

Marlene rolled her eyes at what must have been the hundredth time Lily had said that this week. "Relax, Lily. He's noticing, trust me."

Lily was spared from answering by the appearance of Sirius Black.

"Well, if it isn't my two favorite ladies at Hogwarts," Sirius said while casually throwing his arms around both girls.

"What do you want, Black?" Lily asked.

"I'm only here to remind you of our little competition tonight," Sirius said. When Lily didn't respond, he laughed at the confused look on her face. "Oh, Miss Evans, please tell me you didn't forget? Drinking competition, Hogwarts Express, ring any bells?"

Lily groaned. "Bloody hell."

"Alas! She remembers," Sirius exclaimed. "I'll see you both tonight then. 9 o'clock sharp, don't be late."

With that, Sirius Black took off running.

"I don't think you're going to get that nap," Marlene said grimly.

"Alright, Evans, pick your poison," Sirius said with a sly grin. The Marauders, plus Lily and Marlene, were gathered in the corner of the Gryffindor Common Room. Sirius had come prepared and brought several different bottles of booze.

"Do I even want to know where you got all of these from?" Lily asked. The Head Girl in her was on high alert.

"I would stay in the dark. Plausible deniability and all that," Remus said, wisely.

"Right," Lily nodded. Fuck me, Lily thought. I am already regretting this.

"Firewhisky!" Marlene exclaimed.

"Excellent choice, Mar," Sirius said. He started filling four shot glasses with Firewhisky. "Now, the rules are quite simple. Shot for shot, last one to vomit or concede wins."

Sirius placed a shot glass in front of Lily, Peter, and Marlene, and took the last one for himself. James and Remus sensibly decided not to participate, since neither of them had been stupid enough to volunteer in the first place.

"Cheers," Lily said, raising her glass in salute. The Firewhisky burned as it went down. One down, only a dozen to go. Lily was going to hate herself tomorrow.

After the eighth shot, Peter was out, and Marlene easily won that challenge.

"Screw you, Pete," Marlene slurred as Peter ran upstairs to be sick in the toilet most likely. "I'm not finished yet."

She then decided to join Lily and Sirius's challenge, but she was out after another two shots.

"Should have bowed out when you had the chance, Mar," Lily said, sagely while Marlene ran upstairs to vomit.

"And then there were two," Sirius said. "What do you say, Evans? Time to give up?"

Lily wasn't sure how much longer she could go, but she couldn't stand to see the smug look on Sirius's face if he won. "Never."

Ten minutes later, Sirius was starting to look bad. Lily knew how Sirius handled his liquor. He handled it perfectly fine for the first hour or two, and then all of a sudden, the alcohol would hit him like a brick wall. Lily always felt her alcohol come on more gradually, so she usually was able to handle more because of this, a fact that she had been heavily relying on when she made this bet.

"You're done, Black," Lily said while Sirius teetered on the edge of his seat. "Go on, yield."

"I'm not gonna – hiccup – yield," Sirius managed to slur between hiccups.

"He's not going to make it," James said anxiously.

"Yield," Lily repeated confidently.

Sirius raised his glass to his mouth, but before he could even take a sip, he turned around and vomited behind the couch.

"I win!" Lily screamed. She jumped up and did an embarrassing little dance.

"Graceful in defeat and victory, I see," Remus said sarcastically.

Lily stuck her tongue out at him. "This feels good! What else can we bet on?"

"I think we've created a monster," James muttered to Remus. Sirius groaned from behind the couch.

"James Potter!" Lily yelled while slapping the table in front of her. "Arm wrestling match. You, me, right fucking now."

James eyed her wearily. "Are you sure? You don't want to start something you know you can't win, Evans."

Lily propped her arm up on the table expectantly. "Let's do this, little man."

James rolled his eyes but propped his arm on the table opposite of hers anyway. Lily lost spectacularly five times in a row.

"Best eight out of ten?" Lily suggested, with a hopeful smile.

"Sorry, Lily," James smirked. "Someone has to get this one to bed." He gestured towards Sirius, who was passed out on the couch. "Besides, I don't think your hubris can handle another loss tonight."

"Hey, that's my line!" Lily pouted at him.

"I know," James said with a laugh. He looked at Remus. "Do you have her?"

"Yeah, we'll be fine. Get that lightweight to bed," Remus answered.

James heaved Sirius up from the couch, propped him up on his shoulder, and headed upstairs to the boy's dormitory. Lily watched James wistfully. Part of her was sad that he was leaving, but another part of her, the sober part that was hidden at this moment, knew she was making a fool of herself, and that it was probably best he leave now before she does anything else embarrassing.

"Remus," Lily whined while resting her head on his shoulder. The room was spinning, so closed her eyes. "Why doesn't he like me?"

"Who?" Remus asked curiously.

"James," Lily could feel herself starting to nod off. "He used to fancy me, and now he doesn't."

"Is that what you think?" Remus looked down at Lily, half-asleep on his shoulder. "Let's talk about this tomorrow after you've sobered up. Get some sleep."

"Whatever you say, Moony," Remus chuckled.

"Goodnight, Lily," Remus said.

Lily woke up the next morning with a screeching headache. What the fuck happened last night? Lily thought. Also, where am I? Lily looked around her, and it took her a moment to realize she was in her bed in her dormitory. The last thing she remembers from last night was falling asleep on the couch next to Remus, so she's not sure how she ended up in her bed.

It must have been pretty late because Lily was the only one in the dormitory. She groaned and rolled over to reach for her watch. She was surprised to find a large goblet on her bedside table with a note next to it.

Lily,

We still haven't figured out a hangover potion (although, it's not for lack of trying), so the best I could come up with was a Pepperup Potion. You seemed like you might need one this morning.

Please meet me on top of the Astronomy Tower at noon. I think we have some things to discuss.

Remus

Lily groaned again, knowing that whatever Remus wanted to talk about could not be good. Since it was already half-past eleven, Lily gulped down the potion and rolled out of bed to try and make herself somewhat presentable.

Twenty-eight minutes later, Lily was showered, dressed, and feeling surprisingly well considering how much Firewhisky she drank the previous night. I must thank Remus for that Pepperup Potion; it saved my fucking ass, Lily thought as she climbed her way to the top of the Astronomy Tower.

"Cutting it a little close there, Head Girl," Remus smirked at Lily as she walked in.

"I think I did remarkably well, considering I only woke up thirty minutes ago," Lily snapped. "Thanks for the potion, by the way. It was a godsend."

"No problem," Remus said dismissively. "I already had to make one for Sirius and Peter. I figured why not help out you and McKinnon."

"Oh, Mar got some as well?" Lily asked as she took out her cigarettes and lit one up. She offered one to Remus.

He shook his head. "Yeah, I was able to catch her this morning. You know how early she wakes up when she is hungover."

Lily snorted. "It's the only time that girl ever wakes up early."

Remus laughed. "Too true. So, do you remember anything about last night?"

"I remember kicking Sirius Black's ass," Lily smirked. "But somehow, I feel like that's not what you're talking about."

"You said some things," Remus started nervously, "about James."

"Oh," was all Lily said. She suddenly became very interested in her trainers, refusing to make eye contact with Remus.

"Yeah," Remus sighed. "I mean I can't pretend I didn't see this coming—"

Lily's head snapped up. "What do you mean?"

"Lily," Remus gave her a knowing look. "You're not exactly subtle."

Lily sighed deeply and hung her head in her hands. "How long have you known?"

"Since last year," Remus said smugly. Lily could hear the smirk in his voice. "But we both know it's been longer than that, hasn't it?"

Lily lifted her head to glare at him. "Yes, alright. You don't have to be so bloody smug about it. You're as bad as Marlene."

Remus laughed. Lily continued to smoke her cigarette, and they sat in silence for a few moments.

"Look, Lily," Remus started. "I don't want to tell you what to do, but I think you owe it to yourself and to James to tell him how you feel."

Lily sighed. "Marlene keeps saying the same thing. She keeps bringing up what Dumbledore said about how we need more love in the world with everything happening."

"He's right," Remus hesitated for a moment. "With this war happening, tomorrow is not guaranteed, so we need to make today count. Trust me. It's worth it to take the risk."

Lily raised her eyebrows at him. "Something to share with the class, Remus?"

Remus paused for a few moments. "I was with someone during fifth year. We were only together a few months, but it was amazing, Lily. I've never felt like that about anyone before, or since actually. And even though it ended, I don't regret it for a second."

"Remus, I had no idea," Lily said. "Who was she?"

Remus paused again. "Actually, it was a he."

"Oh," Lily said, surprised. "I didn't know."

"Not many people do," Remus admitted.

"You don't have to tell me who it was if you don't want to. But I'm here if you want to talk about it."

Remus smiled at her. "He's the only person I've ever loved."

"What's it like?" Lily asked in a quiet voice.

"It's incredible," Remus said with a wistful smile on his face. "You have someone who is your best friend, your other half. It makes your heart ache but in a good way. And when you look at them, it feels like coming home after a long day."

"But it's also terrifying. You're giving a part of yourself to someone, and you're trusting them not to break it, and when they do, it's tragic. But when they don't, when they hold on to it, and they love it and cherish it, it's the greatest feeling in the world. No matter if it's a fleeting moment, or it's forever, it's so worth it."

Lily observed the undeniable longing on Remus's face. "Remus, what happened?"

"He betrayed my trust, Lily," Remus said simply.

"You still love him," Lily stated.

Remus glared at her. "What makes you think that?"

"Give me some credit, Remus," Lily scoffed. "It's all over your face."

"You would know," Remus retorted. "It's the same look you have when you talk about James."

Lily and Remus contemplated quietly for a few minutes.

"I'm scared, Remus," Lily whispered. "What if I tell him, and it doesn't work out?"

"What if it does?" Remus shrugged.

What if it does?

"Look, Lily, I can't make this decision for you. But for what it's worth, knowing how it ended for me, I wouldn't hesitate to do it all over again in a heartbeat."

Lily smiled at him. "Thanks, Remus."

He nodded at her and started to get up.

"You know, it's not too late," Lily called after him. Remus gave her a puzzled look. "To try again. If you still love him, don't let him get away. I reckon he must be pretty special to win over the affection of Remus Lupin.

"Thanks, Lily," Remus gave her a small smile. "I guess we both have some things to think about."