This is it. This is the real thing.

Despite how many times I repeated that to myself, the empty pit in my stomach only grew greater as the launch procedure neared. Unit 00 felt unnaturally stiff, as if responding to my own elevated mood.

My sync ratio had gone up a couple of percent in the last several weeks, but I'd be damned if that meant anything. Shinji had had a ratio higher than mine in his very first time in the plug and it worked out for him about as well as piloting a biomechanical monster against an eldritch abomination could go for a 14 year old.

But now there was two of us. And I'd drilled into his ear over and over how I wouldn't let him down. So I wasn't going to go back on my word.

I basked in the vastness of the holding cages one last time as Unit 00 was transported to the launch pad. Beside me, a purple and green colossus stood at the ready, the kid inside probably even more terrified than I was.

With a deep breath, I tuned out the last minute preparation checks and Misato's briefing, already knowing most of it. I sunk myself into the Evangelion's massive mind, letting it engulf me. I wondered if all the pilots did that. Maybe it just came easier with knowing that behind the mighty iron flesh and impenetrable forcefield there was a little abused clone girl.

Speaking of which...

Hey Rei.

I waited a bit to see if I had stirred anything. When it was evident I had not, I continued.

So I know we're not exactly close or anything, but...I'd like your help. If you can. I don't know how you could even do that, but...

The Eva didn't have a response.

The thought died. I just dismissed it as the terrible idea it was. That is until I felt another heart beat in my chest, popping up out of nowhere and seemingly disappearing again.

Huh.

For whatever reason that filled me with some hope. Maybe, just maybe, if I could wrangle an Eva like this, double teaming one of the weaker Angels...wouldn't be so bad?

"-ilot Akashi, are you ready?"

That jolted me back to the present, to the face of the captain putting on her battle persona. To those of the bridge crew looking at me expectantly.

To the horribly abused child soldier that looked resigned to his fate on my side intercom.

The sight painted one clear message: Don't fuck up.

"Ready."

"Eva launch!"

I felt sudden, drastic acceleration and the feeling of weight bearing down on me, almost to the point where I got woozy due to the sudden blood pressure shift. Hundreds of meters of concrete and metal whizzed past my, or rather the Eva's, eyes as I rocketed to the surface.

Everything came to an abrupt and almost immediate halt as I adjusted to the light of the sky. I hadn't yet memorized the locations of every single Umbilical Cable building, weapons cache or access point, even though I'd had it drilled into my head at least a couple dozen times per training session. I didn't have the devotion Shinji did I guess. But what I did have was a gun, an AT Field, and a giant ass cephalopod monster to kill.

I felt the lock bolt on my...Unit 00's shoulders disengage, and moved somewhat sluggishly on my...the Eva's own two feet.

I couldn't help the train of thought. The lack of distinction. Slow and numb as it were, the Eva felt like a giant extension of me. But I had to ignore that as I witnessed Shamshel in all it's perverse glory, advancing towards the building where Unit 01 was located.

Before I even had time to do anything about it, Unit 01 engaged much the same as in canon, emptying it's entire clip into the monster, in what I knew was a fruitless effort. It's massive frame was entirely cloaked in smoke now. I spoke before Misato had the chance to.

"Damn it Shinji, you covered it in your own smoke!" I sprinted over, knowing what was next.

Evidently I didn't know well enough, as I suddenly felt a blistering heat and bone-crushing grip by my ankle. Before I could even begin to respond, I was lifted out of the air like a ragdoll. In the split second before an impact, I saw something big and purple overtake my entire field of view.

The next few seconds, or minutes, or hours, as time stopped mattering at that point, were a world of white noise and pain. I'd always regarded Shamshel as one of the weakest Angels, being defeated in barely a few minutes and ultimately possessing no screwy powers. It's threat level was utterly dependent on the inexperience of Shinji as a pilot.

Clearly I was dead fucking wrong. The thing had been smart enough to use two whole Evangelions as clubs against each-other. And when it was done, it threw us away, separating the opposition. Slowly, my vision moved from seeing fives, to threes, to eventually the real thing. My hearing improved from something equivalent to having a mortar fired nearby.

And I was greeted with a delightful cacophony of panicked bridge techs and one voice reigning above all, calling for "Shinji" and "do something". I looked up from the place I'd crashed into, only to see Unit 01 embedded into a mountain much like the original show, desperately fighting to not be impaled by the Angel's energy whips.

It took a few long seconds for me to break out of my dumbstruck awe and realize Misato was now yelling at me.

"-ilot Akashi, grab the progressive axe and assist Pilot Ikari, right now! Your Umbilical Cable's been severed! You nee-"

"I got it!" I said, far more stressed than I would've liked, but in my defense I didn't know how the Hell I hadn't broken down yet. With the comparative speed of a slug, I raised Unit 00 out of the ground, which felt suspiciously like pulling myself up after having fallen several hundred concrete stairs.

I didn't remember the locations of any lifts, so I had to just remember numbers and letters. Numbers and letters would do.

I fumbled with my own thoughts trying to recollect:

D-44...D-89...D-67...bingo!

I launched into a mad sprint towards the lift, grabbing the already extended cable and plugging it on the back, watching as the red timer by my side was suspended. The progressive axe itself emerged from another building, and seeing how Shinji had shaken Shamshel off, I took my chance.

I would probably have looked stupid to anyone who did actual weapons combat if I hadn't been in an 80 meter tall colossus. My awkward movements were probably not helped by the pants-shitting terror I was going through. But the Angel was rearing it's head towards Unit 01. It had a different target, therefore it was distracted, and that was all I needed.

"Engaging AT Field!"

I didn't take the time to check if the Angel's own field had been neutralized by mine. I was simply too hyped up on adrenaline to care, and that was the only thing keeping me going at that point. I jumped into the air with all the grace of a senile Olympian athlete, intending for a strike, hoping that by some miracle I had what it took.

Clearly this day had other plans.

I suddenly found myself unable to see or hear, an experience I could compare to a sensory deprivation tank, if the the tank was filled with boiling hot lava. Once more, I was thrown back as if the thousands of tons of metal and muscle I was piloting was made out of paper. My world became blinding white.

I came to faster this time. Maybe the pain of having my body cooked by the heat passing through the armor like a tinfoil-wrapped chicken had something to do with it. I had to take deep breaths, swearing audibly to myself, just to lessen some of the impact.

I regained focus right around the time Shinji was plunging his progressive knife into the Angel's Core. By then, I already knew there was no point.

I could only watch as the Angel and Eva both stood rigid like stones afterwards.

The next few hours were spent in a blur of motions and protocol.

I was tasked with moving the motionless corpse of the enemy and Unit 01. Shinji had ridden back into the depths of Nerv once a cable had been attached. He didn't seem to care when Misato was chewing him out. He didn't seem care when the Section 2 agents came to drag him off either. But I did.

"Where are they taking him?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"He's being put in solitary confinement," Ritsuko answered without a shred of sympathy, already more interested in the data of a brand new shiny Angel corpse over the carnage.

"What the Hell?" I directed my gaze to the bridge now. "On what grounds?"

"On the ground that he disobeyed direct orders to fall back, and recklessly put himself and his Eva in danger," Misato chimed in, voice heavy and similarly without any sympathy. Even if I knew she might not really mean it, it didn't change how cold it was.

I knew I should've just shut my mouth and let it go. Maybe confront her at home about it, at most. But in that moment, I was so goddamn done with this shithole of a universe. If I couldn't do anything even in an Eva, I had to at least make my voice heard.

"No offense ma'am, but that's a load of bull. If it weren't for him we'd all be dead right now."

The atmosphere became heavier, if it wasn't enough already. The bridge techs looked like they wanted to be anywhere but here. Ritsuko, damn her, actually looked mildly amused. Misato's face remained cold as a stone.

"What did you just say pilot?"

"I just said, Captain Katsuragi, that he saved all our asses. You saw what that Angel could do with it's blasts," Which is still fucking bullshit by the way, Anno or whoever the fuck is doing this. "How many of those do you think it'd take before it breached all armor plates of the GeoFront? How many before it fried me? Shinji took a stand and nearly killed himself, but he succeed and we're not all dead because of it."

I finished, my voice cracking somewhat at that point by the high tone, and probably the sheer exertion of screaming at the top of my lugs during the Angel fight, which I hadn't even realized. Misato just stared at me. I refused to back down from her gaze.

"Enough," a voice called from on high, and instantly all eyes were on it. "Pilot Ikari displayed minimal concern for his safety and the safety of Nerv's assets. Furthermore he showed blatant disregard for our chain of authority, which is inexcusable. We cannot allow a loose cannon to go without reprimand. Pilot Akashi, you are dismissed."

I had to bite back a curse as my cheeks flushed red at the Bastard King himself shutting me down. With a heavy sigh, I saluted and exited the compound. I needed some air anyway.

"Shinji."

The boy froze up as I mentioned his name. He'd probably expected to leave completely unimpeded. It's not like he had any resistance in the original canon anyway.

He turned with a false smile I could've told from a mile away.

"I'm just going to get some fresh air."

"You're a shitty liar."

At that, his smile dropped, leaving behind only a face of uncertainty.

"Tell you what, meet me at the veranda in five minutes, right?"

"O-oh, okay."

"Shinji," I said, a bit more forcefully. "Promise me."

He glanced one more time to the door, before returning his gaze to me.

"Alright. I promise."

"Good."

Several minutes on panicking on whether or not he'd run away later, I found him just as said on the veranda, sat and overlooking the city. He seemed to be surprised when he saw what I was holding.

"What's that?"

I frowned.

"Don't tell me you've never had cookies and milk before."

"Sorry."

"Yeah, yeah," I said, setting the two glasses down on the table, along with the plate of cookies. Shinji still looked reluctant as I grabbed one.

"C'mon, you've humored me this far."

Slowly, he reached out as if wanting to pet a venomous snake, and grabbed one of them, dipping it into his glass.

"No no, that's not it. You're supposed to spin it around until it gets all wet and soggy, but before it starts to break off. Here."

The absurdity of the next few minutes being me teaching the Third Child of Nerv how to dip cookies in milk was not lost on me. But after the fight, that absurdity was the one I needed.

"There, you've got it. Now try it," I said, after several of Shinji's own valiant soldiers had been lost to the white menace, floating as drowned corpses, or sinking to the bottom.

Eh, not my problem. He's probably gonna drink the sludge anyway just to not feel wasteful. I would.

"How is it?"

"I like it."

That did put a smile on my face. Though, Shinji's own remained conflicted.

"You didn't just tell me to come for this, did you?"

"Haha, I might've thought that the awesomeness of cookies would make you forget," I said, scratching my head. "I know you were going to run away Shinji."

Poor kid looked like I'd just punched him in the face. In fact I'd even go as far and say that Toji's fist had had a less visible impact on his features.

"Before you say "sorry" or something, I get, right? After that...I don't know how you get back in the [lug after that."

I hadn't shown it verbally much, and I always recovered from shock relatively quickly. But before the outburst at the bridge, I'd hardly spoken at all because of how much pain I was in. Just breathing felt like my chest was trying to collapse in of itself, every centimeter of skin was feeling like needless were being crammed into it.

This was piloting. The glorious war against the Angels revealed for the ugly mess it was, a bunch of children being told to kill themselves until hopefully, the enemy dropped dead before them. And that was before going into all the conspiracies, all the abuse and betrayal and genocide.

Right then and there, I'd seriously considered going away. Just leaving the city completely, to be sent back to whatever godforsaken place Kano originated from and live out the rest of my days until Third Impact came knocking at the door. Maybe throw myself off a building in the meanwhile and hopefully get back to my own life, as far away from here as possible.

But the more I thought about it, the more stupid the idea became. Not to mention hurtful to the ones I was trying to help. What would Shinji, or Misato, or any other cast member, present or future, think if I just up and abandoned everyone?

"Can I ask something?"

"Hmm?" Shinji's voice jolted me from my thoughts, which really might've been for the best. I didn't wanna go back to that place.

"Why...why are you being so nice to me?"

And that was when I was reminded the kid had literally never had anyone in his life do something good for him without what he saw as an ulterior motive. It felt horrible to know that even now, that technically hadn't changed. But he didn't have to know that. And I was doing it for his good. I swore.

I swore over and over.

Besides, I'd have befriended him even if I didn't know who he was...right?

"Because, you're the only other one who understands Shinji. You and Rei, but well she's...distant," I got up from seat at that point, cracking my joints and stretching a bit. Phantom pains covered my entire body. "We both know how much it hurts. And well...I can't stop you if you want to leave. We haven't exactly had a royal treatment here."

Shinji was quiet as I stared out into the city below. Down there was a statistic. People I didn't know, and didn't care about. But in this insane world, they were still people. And they didn't deserve what was to come.

The Children didn't deserve what was to come. Misato, Kaji, Maya, Makoto, Shigeru, all the people that thought they were saving humanity, doing genuine good. None of them did.

"But I guess if I had to narrow down a reason why I'm staying...Ever since I was little, I've always liked helping people. Sometimes I failed. A lot of times actually. But when I succeed, it feels good. Being good is a nice thing, even if you're taken for granted. I try my hardest to keep that up. So I guess you could say it's partly self-serving but," I turned my head to look at him, noticing his eyes were downcast. "I just wanna help you Shinji. As a friend should any friend, y'know."

We spent several minutes in silence after that. Shinji's face was unreadable. I could only fathom at what this meant to him. With a sigh , he leaned back into his chair, eyes closed but his expression serene at least. Satisfied that he probably wasn't going to run away, I looked at the clock.

"It's, holy shit, two in the morning. We're lucky we don't have school," I moved to get back inside, patting Shinji's back. "I'm gonna go get some shuteye. I think you should do too."

As I opened the door however, I remembered something.

"I'm sorry," he turned his head at that, like he couldn't recognize the word if it didn't leave his own lips. "For not really helping back there. Better luck next time, eh?"

A small smile finally graced his lips.

"Yeah."

Author's notes: Yes these were written back to back so I would have time to procrastinate on Timeless Guardian :(