Camo woke up in the middle of the night.
At first, she thought it was just a normal thing. You know, a squirrel was louder than normal and woke her up, something like that. She was in the process of trying to fall back asleep when it happened again.
A rumbling sound, and vibrating. Her bed shook, and her eyes snapped open. An earthquake? No, that couldn't be right, there hadn't been an earthquake in all her time in Gravity Falls. Maybe it was some supernatural creature in the woods making it.
Then came the light from through the floorboards.
She shot up in her bed, now completely awake. With each rumble, bright blue light flashed through. She scrambled for her glasses on her bedside and got up to go inspect whatever was happening inside the Shack. The rhythmic flashing stopped and one massive burst of light and vibrations happened, and when the light was gone, it was adjust to the darkness.
She padded into the hallway. Where was it coming from? She wandered around the house for a good fifteen minutes, trying to figure it out. She thought it had stopped and was about to go back to sleep when the biggest one yet happened. The Shack itself seemed to glow, bathing the entire world outside the window in ghostly blue light.
It was so difficult to focus with it being broadcasted, but she thought she saw it coming from . . . the gift shop? She stumbled in, shielding her eyes from the light. It was definitely brighter here, but she wasn't sure where exactly it was coming from. Eventually, after about another half an hour of wandering around the gift shop with strobing blue light, she decided she wasn't going to figure out tonight and she should at least try to get some sleep.
So, she went back to bed and laid down in an attempt to actually be responsible. Sleep was good. She needed sleep. Everyone needed sleep, especially middle schoolers.
That didn't necessarily mean she got her much needed sleep, though.
When Camo woke up the next morning, she was especially groggy. Two hours of laying on her bed, eyes wide open, blue light all around her, sleep evading her for ages. She grumpily shoved her glasses back on her face and wandered into the kitchen for breakfast.
"Whoa, Camo, did you get any sleep last night?" Stan asked bewilderedly.
"Did you?" she asked, eyeing his uneven fez and the bags under his eyes.
He shrugged, and they must've mentally agreed not to ask anymore questions.
At some point, the reopening started in the gift shop, and she stood there, feeling very underprepared as the twins smiled at the crowd and she just stood there lethargically. "Welcome to the grand reopening of the Mystery Shack!" Stan said, and the crowd cheered and applauded. "We're here to celebrate the defeat of that skunk Li'l Gideon." He pulled out a Gideon doll, and the crowd booed. "Please, please, boo harder."
The crowd was fine by that.
"But I didn't catch that pork chop all alone. These three scamps deserve some of the glory." Mabel elbowed him, and it must've been pretty hard, because Stan amended, "Okay, okay. Most of the glory."
"Smile for the camera," Toby Determined said, holding up a badly painted cinderblock, with Stan pointed out that it was. The man groaned. "I just want to be a part of things."
"Smile for a real camera," Shandra Jimenez the reporter said, and Camo did, mentally cursing that blue light for making her tired when she has to be on TV.
Mabel happily said, "Everyone say 'something stupid'."
"Something stupid!" The Pines all made a funny face, so Camo changed her pose so that she was giving Dipper bunny ears.
Stan reminded the crowd, "And don't forget to come to the after party tonight at 8:00."
"We're doing a karaoke bonanza, people," Mabel declared, pulling up her karaoke machine. "Lights! Music! Enchantment! Phoo!" She blew confetti out of her hand. "And an amazing karaoke performance, by our family band, Love Patrol Alpha." The girl pulled out a poster with Stan, Dipper, and Mabel singing. Camo pouted. ". . . with an appearance from Camo HP!" Mabel added, holding up the Camo drawing. She smiled tiredly.
Both of the boys didn't seem to agree on the name, but it was too late. Mabel had already drawn it on in marker. Wendy came in, blew an air horn, and said, "Buy your ticket, people. You know you don't have anything else going on in your lives. I'm talking to you, pizza guy. Don't lame out on me." She led the crowd out the door, and most of them had massive grins on their faces.
"Ha! The town loves us," Stan said happily. "We finally got that Gideon smell out of the carpet. Everything is finally going my way."
"Hey, Grunkle Stan, now that we have a moment, I've been meaning to ask you for my Journal back." That was Dipper, obviously.
Stan looked panicked. "What? Journal?" He patted himself down, then reached under the counter—why had he hidden it down there?—with a laugh. "Oh, you mean this old thing? It was so boring I couldn't even finish it." Press X to doubt.
"Wait, you're just gonna give it to me?" Dipper asked, surprised. "Just like that?"
"What else do you want? A kiss on the cheek?"
He turned around. "I . . . I got to go." He ran away and pulled both Mabel and Camo with him, both girls yelping. Dipper brought them to the attic, where he locked the door and turned all of Mabel's stuffed animals around. They were still in complete darkness save for the lamp he turned on, since he'd covered the window. Camo watched all of this slightly interested, slightly confused, and all the way sleepy. She might actually have to take a nap today, and she never took naps.
"Mabel, Camo, we've got to talk," Dipper said, and Camo hid her yawn behind her hand. "Almost losing my Journal made me realize that I'm halfway through the summer and still no closer to figuring out the big mysteries of Gravity Falls. Gideon almost destroyed the town to get his hands on this Journal. But why? Who wrote it? Where are all the other Journals? What was Bill talking about when he said everything was going to change? There's something huge going on right under our noses. And it's time we stop goofing around and get to the bottom of it."
"Bro, you've looked at that thing, like, a bazillion times," Mabel pointed out. "There's nothing left to discover. Half the pages are blank, remember?"
Dipper groaned. "I just feel like I'm one puzzle piece away from figuring out everything."
"Don't worry, Dipper, Lord Mystery Ham is on the case. 'I play by me own rules! What, what!'"
"I don't know why I tell you things."
Camo hummed slightly. "I agree that something's going on under our noses, what with the blue light last night and all."
He looked shocked. "What blue light?!"
"What?" She frowned. "You know, the blue light coming from—"
She was cut off by the sound of cars outside and Stan yelling about a government vehicle. She frowned and rushed downstairs to figure out what was going on, only to find Stan kicking everybody out of the Shack, threatening elderly people, and overall just freaking out. The doorbell rang.
"Welcome to the Mystery Shack, gentlemen. What can I get you? Key chains? Snow globes? These rare photos of American presidents?" He slipped a dollar bill out of his sleeve, and Camo peered around him to see who was at the door. When she saw, all the blood instantly drained from her face.
Oh, scuff.
Agent Powers and Agent Trigger introduced themselves, and Camo hurriedly poked her head back in the Shack and started hyperventilating against the wall. They were here. Stan was going to find out. Had she done something wrong? Was this about Gideon? Or was it about the blue light from last night?
"We're here to investigate reports of mysterious activity in this town," Agent Powers's monotone voice was saying.
"Activity," Agent Triggers added menacingly.
She could practically see Stan sweating. "Mysterious activity in the Mystery Shack? You got to be joking."
"I assure you I am not. I was born with a rare disorder that makes me physically incapable of experiencing humor." Huh. So that was why he was always deadpanning. Stan laughed nervously. "I don't understand that sound you're making with your mouth. Now if you'll excuse us, we're conducting an investigation." They pushed past Stan into the Shack.
"Investigation," Agent Triggers said.
(They did notice her sitting against the wall, head in her hands, regretting her life choices, but they just ignored her nervous little smile and wave. She hoped this wouldn't go to her, since that would mean jail time and a big fine she could not afford to pay.)
"Wait, wait," Dipper said, excitedly running over. "Did you guys say you're investigating the mysteries of this town?"
He seemed to like them a lot more when they weren't getting in trouble because of their exhibit.
"That information is classified," Powers said, looking around. He got down on one knee to be on eye level with Dipper. "But, yes. Look, between you and me, I believe there is a conspiracy of paranormal origin all connected to this town. We're just one small lead away from blowing the lid off this entire mystery."
"Are you kidding me?!" Dipper shrieked, backing up. "I'm investigating the exact same thing. I found this Journal in the woods which has almost all the answers. If we work together, we could crack the case."
Camo just sat there in terrified silence, still waiting for them to acknowledge her and punish her for being involved in this stuff again.
The agents exchanged a look, and Powers said, "If you have evidence of these claims, we should talk." He handed Dipper his card, and the kid looked down at it in shock.
"We can talk right now. Please, please, come in. I have so much to show you."
Camo was watching Stan, because at this point, Stan's expression changes gave her more information than anything else. At "come in", his face went all panicky and strained. So he was hiding something paranormal . . . at least, that's what she got, but she was also really tired. Why did all this have to be today?
"I'm sorry, agents," Stan said nervously, stepping between them and Dipper. "Kid has an overactive imagination and, like, a sweating problem."
Mabel laughed in the distance at that.
"Paranormal town stuff, it's all just part of gift shop lore. Sells more tickets, you know." He snapped his fingers. Soos stuck Mystery Shack bumper stickers and weird headband thingies (she wasn't sure why they sold those) on the unamused agents, though of course Agent Powers was unamused.
"We have other spots to investigate," Powers said. "We'll be on our way."
Agent Triggers grabbed a whole bunch of Stan bobbleheads and said, "I'm confiscating this for evidence."
"Smart move."
Yeah, right, he just wants the merch. Camo scoffed.
"Wait! No, wait!" Dipper yelled after their retreating figures. "We have so much to talk about."
Stan grabbed him and said, "Hold it, kiddo. Trust me, the last thing you want around here in a party is cops." He leaned against the vending machine, closing it. Camo had a sudden memory of her finding gouges in the floor by the vending machine that day when they were at the pool. "I'm confiscating that card. And how's about you go be a normal kid? Flirt with a girl, or steal a pie off a windowsill."
"Uh, Stan, you do realize that obsessing over something is normal for a kid, right?" she asked him, but he didn't react. She shrugged. "Well, I tried."
"And don't go talking to those agents," Stan ordered. Dipper groaned in defeat.
"That could have been my big break," he told Camo, and she shrugged again, this time sympathetically.
Mabel showed up. "Bro, maybe Grunkle Stan is right. We're throwing a party tonight. Can't you go one night without searching for aliens or raising the dead or whatever?"
"No, Mabel, I don't think he can," Camo deadpanned, but she went ignored.
"I'm not gonna raise the dead," Dipper said, rolling his eyes. "I just need a chance to show those agents my book."
"Trust me, Dipper," Mabel insisted. "The only book you'll need tonight is right here. Boop!" She pulled out her karaoke songs book. "I say kara, you say oke. Kara . . . Kara . . . Kara . . . I could do this all day."
Later that night, Camo was feeling a little more refreshed. She had ended up taking a nap, horror of horrors, but it was worth it. She didn't understand why after parties always had to be so late. The world was conspiring so she wouldn't get a full night's sleep.
There was a snack table, which she'd already pilfered a couple snacks from, a disco ball splaying green light all over the place, and a stage, where Mabel was dancing and spraying Stan with confetti. Camo was leaning against a tree, reading in the colorful, if somewhat unreliable, light. Maybe she was boring, but she was just waiting for everyone to show up.
Plus, she was wearing the most outrageous thing she could think of. The tuxedo, her bright green rainboots, and the hoodie she'd been wearing when she first arrived (it was red, gray, and black, in case you'd forgotten) instead of the typical tuxedo coat. She wasn't wearing the eyepatch, because her experience with Bill hadn't been super pleasant, both being half blind and the strap shrinking and adding pressure to her head. She was wearing a spare fez that Stan had lying around, to honor the reopening of the Mystery Shack.
Overall, she looked like Stan, but with a couple strange accessories added on.
Wendy and Dipper were hanging up posters and using black lights. If she knew him, which she did, he was excited about those arrangements . . . but she could tell from his expression that he was still sulking about not being able to talk to the agents.
Soos was stacking Stan-shaped pinatas, but a familiar person landed on top of them, breaking both pinatas and table. Candy and Grenda had arrived, tailed by Jason, who was wearing his awesome jacket, though he had added a bow tie. Mabel ran over to hug her friends, and Camo slipped her book in her jacket's inner pocket to wander over to Jason.
"Oh my gosh Mabel," Grenda was saying in her deep voice. "Is that a boom box sweater?"
"See for yourself," the girl said with a grin, and she pressed a button. Music and lights started to come from said sweater, and the other girls started to dance.
Jason was watching with a concerned expression. "You know, electric clothing is a fire hazard. That's why my dad won't let me—"
"It's not a fire hazard, it's a fun hazard," Mabel scoffed playfully, and she and her friends meandered away. Camo came up to her buddy and fixed his tie. Odd, she thought, how, even though they hadn't planned it at all, they were both wearing dressy clothes with a casual jacket. Of course, she took it significantly further, but whatever.
She fixed the fez so it sat on her head right (how could Stan stand these things?), and Jason smiled a little when he saw it. "You look like Stan," he told her.
"Well, yeah, that's kind of the point," she admitted. "Mr. Mystery—Camo edition!" She struck a pose, and he laughed softly. "Will you be doing any karaoke?"
He looked embarrassed. "Nah. I . . . I'm not ready for that."
"Okay! You can just watch me make a fool of myself!" She pulled on his wrist, and they went over to where Mabel, Candy, and Grenda had gone. Mabel had decided to wear three cone hats along with her massive flower headband, so she looked kind of like some kind of dinosaur (the cartoon kind, not a pterodactyl that steals pigs).
She was wandering around, having lost interest with her friends and the snack table, when she felt a low rumble. For a second, she thought it was the blue light again, but no light this time. But, she had an insatiable curiosity, so she went to go figure it out. Outside the front of the Shack, she saw three figures in the distance. Two of them were . . . ah, great, the agents. Dipper must've called them. She needed to talk to Stan about his methods.
A massive cloud of green smoke came out of a crack in the ground, and she watched as a hand crawled out. Ah, great, she thought again. Zombies. For real this time, not gnomes.
She sighed and went into the Shack to find Stan.
"Stan?" she called. "Staaaan? Dipper's started the zombie apocalypse, we might need that gold you've been buying."
Nothing.
She frowned and quickened her pace—after all, the zombie apocalypse did just start, she wouldn't have long. He wasn't in his room or his office, or in any of the other rooms she had time to check. Screaming and running could be heard outside, so her voice became more frantic. "Stan? Seriously, Stan, where are you? The zombie apocalypse literally just started! STAN!"
Still nothing, except the moaning of the dead outside.
She was glad she hadn't turned on any lights, though her shouting wasn't helping matters. She quietly crept across the floor to the bathroom, because it was the most defensible spot. She pulled her lighter out of her pocket and grabbed Dipper's toothbrush so she could light it on fire. (He wouldn't care. As far as she knew, he literally hadn't used it once. Gross boy.)
She sat there, in relative darkness, clutching a lighter and an unused toothbrush, waiting for the zombies to come. She heard Dipper and Mabel screaming, mostly Dipper, since his voice was considerably higher. She heard them moving stuff to board up doors and windows, and she figured they were just leading the zombies indoors. She braced herself against the door, prepared to hold it shut no matter what happened.
The light from under the door flickered out, so she was left in complete darkness, clutching a lighter and a toothbrush. The screams got louder, and sighing at her own heroic thoughts, she yanked open the door, lit the toothbrush on fire, and arrived at where the twins were. She waved it in front of the decaying faces, totally aware of what an awesome pose she was in.
Another person came into the room—Stan. He knocked another zombie down and crushed its head with his foot. They kind of looked at each other, him with his ripped up clothes and baseball bat, her with her mimicking clothes and fiery toothbrush, and then she angrily asked, "Where were you? I was trying to tell you that this doofus"—she knocked Dipper on the head with the hand that wasn't holding his toothbrush—"started the zombie apocalypse."
He didn't answer her question. Instead, he asked, "Is that Dipper's toothbrush?"
"Well, yeah, but he doesn't use it anyway." A zombie came near and she waved it in his face. However, it was running out of kindle, as toothbrushes aren't made to be lit on fire, so she ripped a plank off of an already-trashed cabinet and lit that on fire. It worked much better, as it was big enough to smack zombies with and light their heads on fire.
Stan seemed to remember what he was going to say, because he pointed at the twins. "You two, attic, now!"
"W-what about Camo?" Mabel asked.
"I'll be fine. I've got fire on my side. You two need to go away." She shooed them away and smacked another zombie with her plank. She stepped so that, between her and Stan, the way to the attic was blocked. She looked up at him, in his very heroic pose.
"All right, you undead jerks, you ready to die twice?" the old man screamed, bashing their heads in. Slowly, their front line crumbled, and the two of them were shoved backwards. She debated throwing the plank at the zombies and setting them on fire that way, but she figured Stan wouldn't take too kindly to her lighting his house on fire. "The only wrinkly monster who harasses my family is me!" Stan added.
Camo's plank was basically out, so she slammed it into a zombie's gut, effectively putting it out and defeating the monster. "I'm going to go upstairs to protect the twins there."
He nodded, and she rushed up the stairs. Stan's baseball bat got broken, so he used his punching things—what were they called?—to bust some zombies. She and the twins rushed to the attic and closed the door, and she leaned against it with all her might when something started banging. "Camo, it's me!" Stan's low voice yelled, and she hastily released her grip, allowing him to come in.
"Grunkle Stan, that was amazing!" Dipper said. "And you too, Camo! Are you alright?" The boy chuckled nervously. "Well, at least, you can't deny magic exists anymore, right?"
"Kid, I've always known." The twins were in shock, but Camo just rolled her eyes.
"Wait. What are you talking about?"
"I'm not an idiot, Dipper," Stan snapped. "Of course, this town is weird and the one thing I know about that weirdness is that it's dangerous." A zombie hand burst through the door, and everyone yelped and backed up. "I've been lying about it to try and keep you away from it, to try to protect you from it." A zombie burst through the window, and Stan punched it away. "It looks like I didn't lie well enough."
Dipper looked at her, confused at how she wasn't confused. "Wait, Camo, did you know? How long did you know?"
"Since the truth teeth!" she exploded, exasperatedly. "He said some things that he regretted later, and I'm shocked he didn't say any more! Now can we stop talking about this and focus on the literal APOCALYPSE THAT YOU STARTED?!"
Mabel was freaking out. "What to we do? What to we do?" Waddles went and hid under the bed.
"Normally, the Journal would help us, but there's nothing in there about defeating zombies," Dipper said, the strain in his voice clear. "It's hopeless!"
Camo stared at the page and the glowing white letters in shock. Mabel was the one who pointed it out. "Wait, wait, wait, the text! It's glowing in the black light."
"What?" He looked at his Journal in shock. He put it on the ground and urgently flipped through the pages. "All this time I thought I knew all the Journal's secrets," he said in shock. "But they're written in some kind of invisible ink."
"Invisible ink?" Stan asked in shock, and she remembered him taking Journal 2. She narrowed her eyes slightly in suspicion.
"This is it!" Dipper said, looking at the page. "'Zombies have a weakness! Previously thought to be invincible, their skulls can be shattered by a perfect three-part harmony, four-part for added effect.' Three-part harmony? How can we create that? I have a naturally high-pitched scream."
Camo rolled her eyes and said, "Yeah, like I didn't notice."
"I can make noises with my body. Sometimes intentionally," Stan said.
"Boys, boys," Mabel said with an easy-going smile. "I think you're both missing the obvious solution." Camo caught on and she grinned as Mabel moved her karaoke stuff onto Wendy's hangout spot on the roof. She tested out the microphone, and the zombies came moaning towards them. "Zombies and gentlemen, I'm Mabel, they're Dipper and Stan and together, we are Love Patrol Alpha! Joined by Camo!"
Dipper, who was standing uncomfortably still, said, "I never agreed to that name."
"Hit it!"
The intro started. Camo had a mic, too, but she wasn't singing until both Dipper and Stan gave in, because otherwise she wouldn't get to see them sing at all. Stan said, "Uh, Mabel, our lives may not be worth this."
Dipper started the song off. "Friday night," he sang. Wow, he sucked. "And we're gonna party till dawn. Don't worry, Daddy, I've got my favorite dress on? Mabel, this is stupid."
"We roll into the party, the boys are looking our way," the girl sang, completely ignoring her brother. "We just keep dancing, we don't care what they say. And all the boys are ganging up in my face—" She screamed as a zombie made its way up, but Camo kicked it with a rain booted foot. "Guys, we have to sing together or it won't work."
"I'm not singing until those doofuses do," she said, gesturing to the boys. Of course, if it was hopeless, she would, but whatever. They didn't have to know that.
Stan picked it up. "Boys are a bore, let's show 'em the door."
All of them sang, "We're taking over the dance floor!"
Camo joined in, absolutely loving every second of this. "OOOOH-OOOOH girls do what we like OOOOH-OOOOH we're taking over tonight, OOOOH-OOOOH girls do what we like, OOOOH-OOOOH we're taking over tonight!" She watched in malicious glee as zombie heads exploded rapidly with the force of their awesomeness. "We're queens of the discooooooooo!" More zombies died. "OOOOH-OOOOH girls do what we like OOOOH-OOOOH we're taking over tonight!"
Dipper took a solo. "Taking over toniiiiiight!" Huh, he wasn't actually that bad. Maybe he was just scared before. He was actually pretty good at singing when he liked it.
The outro started, and a zombie surged up on their platform. Dipper screamed, and Mabel shot it with a confetti cannon. Its head sailed away and landed in a bowl of punch. The song ended, and Mabel yelled, "Thank you!" to the piles of zombie guts and gore. Stan had taken the spare fez Camo still had on and put it on his own head. "We'll be here all night!" Even though it was already morning.
"Deal with it, zombie idiots!" Stan shouted. He cackled madly, and the three of them started chanting, "Pines! Pines!" And, you know what, Camo joined in. Who cared that she wasn't technically a Pines, she was basically one of them. Also, who the scuff would want to chant Persephone?!
Later that day (after all, it had been morning), they were starting clean up, and Dipper was apologizing. "I'm sorry about this, guys. I totally ruined everything."
"Dipper, are you kidding me?" Mabel asked. "I got to sing karaoke with my three most favorite people in the world. No party could ever top that."
Camo interjected, "And we got to blow up zombie heads while doing it!"
"Yeah!"
"Kids, listen, this town is crazy," Stan said. "So you need to be careful. I don't know what I'd do with myself if you got hurt on my watch. I'll let you hold onto that spooky Journal as long as you promise me you'll only use it for self-defense and not go looking for trouble."
Dipper said, "Okay, as long as you promise me that you don't have any other bombshell secrets about this town."
They both promised, and she already knew that both of them were lying. They may be able to lie to each other, but not to her. Never to her. (*insert evil cackling*)
"Man, we have got a lot of zombie damage to clean up. Where's my handyman anyway?" Camo realized with a start that she didn't actually know where Soos went. Then she heard him moaning for brains and she smacked her forehead. "Holy Moses!" Stan tried to smack Soos with a chair.
"Wait!" Dipper yelped. "There's a page in here about curing zombification. It's gonna take a lot of formaldehyde."
Mabel peered over his shoulder. "Ooh, and cinnamon."
"Come on, Soos, let's fix you up."
"Brains! Brains!" Soos said as Mabel shoved him through the doorway with the chair.
Mabel groaned. "Soos, cut it out!"
He laughed. "Sorry, dude."
Camo and Dipper followed her and the zombie, and Dipper was, naturally, reading his Journal. "I can't believe it. All this time the author's secrets were hiding in plain sight. A whole new chapter of mysteries to explore." He shined his black light on a page of a tree, revealing some kind of base.
She frowned. Something told her what he'd be doing next . . .