Chapter 5
Nowaki expressed his happiness at the resumed tutoring sessions. Throughout the night, he reviewed everything Hiroki set for him. He didn't want to embarrass himself in front of him after all. After such a long absence, in his mind anyway, he'd spend time with Hiroki. He coped. Slightly. Knowing full well that on Monday afternoon they would see each other. The possessions he acquired helped him during this little separation. Without them, he would have suffered from not physically seeing Hiroki. He daydreamed of brushing his hand against his tutor's hair in mock casualty.
His plan to change's Hiroki's perception of him started. He needed to grow bolder in his attempts to catch his attention. Maybe a compliment or two. Knowing Hiroki, the man took no compliments on his appearance. He had to turn deceptive and mask his intentions until the right moment.
He knocked on the door. Bouncing on his feet, he patted down his hair. The door opened and to his surprise, he was greeted with a moody Hiroki. His grimace and narrowed eyes gave the impression of wanting no one in his presence. Hiroki ushered him in as he slammed the door shut. Nowaki flinched as he removed his shoes. Hiroki stalked past him and went straight to his seat.
When Nowaki shuffled over to his usual spot, Hiroki handed him a stack of papers. All the papers had one hundred percent in each of the papers. Nowaki wanted to praise his teacher, but he bit his tongue.
Someone or something reduced Hiroki into this angry mess.
Staying quiet, Nowaki reviewed his work. He observed the room for the first time. Shock filled his body. The vicinity was half way filled with papers and books. The once pristine home, turned into shambles. Almost as if a tornado burst through the room and destroyed everything in sight. From his distance, Hiroki's bedroom was in the same state of disarray. A complete overhaul from the day before. This confused him.
Hiroki left everything spotless before he went to visit his parents. Thinking back, Nowaki made sure everything he touched remained in the same spot. Even everything he picked up in his hands. Hiroki's perceptive eyes might have caught something important which disappeared from his sight. Whenever he turned anything in, Hiroki found something off with his work despite the one hundred percent scores. Nothing he snatched up were anything too serious in his opinion.
He tried not to think about the condom box he found in the bathroom. He hoped his idea on Hiroki having a lover was false for his own sake. His peaceful state of mind jarred. Images of another person owning his Hiro-san, incensed him deep in his soul. He wanted nothing more than to track this person and scare them off.
Hiroki waved his hand around, snapping. "Get onto looking through your math booklet. That's what we will work on today."
Nowaki broke from his thoughts and nodded without much thought. The anger seeping through Hiroki's voice almost affected him. After all, the direction and reason was unknown. He might have come on the wrong time. Although, Hiroki told him to come during this free time in his schedule. Sighing, Nowaki placed it onto another matter.
He let a smile grace his face when he asked. "How are you today, Hiro-san?"
Hiroki answered with a glare. "Just fine. Why are you asking?"
Nowaki chose his words well, he wanted to stay in Hiroki's home without having a disagreement with him. "You seem...tense? Anything I can help you with?"
Hiroki flipped a page of his textbook, keeping his eyes on the text. "I made more sheets for you to do. Get to it." He pointed to the folder right in front of him, avoiding the question with precise finesse.
Nowaki reached over and held the folder in his hands. After removing the contents, he took out a pencil from his messenger bag. He started working in an instant. He peeked up from time to time to check up on Hiroki. Humming a song he heard on the radio, he worked on the questions. A song he felt described his feelings for Hiroki. Feelings which he hoped Hiroki noticed in the future. A small hint for Hiroki without having to sing the lyrics himself.
Hiroki clutched his pencil in agitation, he breathed deep, trying to control himself. Releasing his anger on Nowaki would undue all the work he placed on tutoring him in the first place. His own frustrations were his own to deal without including someone else.
In a slight way, he cared for Nowaki and his educational goals. He hadn't met someone that dove into studying and placed hard work into completing everything. The giant wasted no time. He voiced his goals on the first day they talked and set the tutoring schedules. A social worker who wanted to help children.
He wouldn't have accepted Nowaki's presence for long without this set goal. His own life grabbed most of his free time.
Nowaki paused in his humming, his eyebrows furrowed. He leaned forward and tapped Hiroki's shoulder a couple of times. His fingers tingled at touching the man in front of him. He kept his inner joy hidden well inside of his mind.
Hiroki stared up at Nowaki.
"I'm having a little trouble with number five. Can you check to see if I got it correct?" Nowaki asked.
"Let me see." Nowaki moved the paper closer to Hiroki, he scooted closer to him. Knowing his closeness got excused for checking the explanations better.
The scent of cologne reached Nowaki's nose. He inhaled long intakes. A musky scent which matched the one in the bathroom. He wanted to grab a random sweater from Hiroki's closet but the scarf was enough. It carried some of the aroma without him having to spray more cologne onto the fabric.
Hiroki grabbed his red pen, already scratching out some mistakes. He annotated the proper form to get the answer in the margins, he saw Nowaki nod in understanding and solved the answer in a matter of seconds.
Pleased that he got it, Nowaki smiled at Hiroki. "Thank you so much Hiro-san."
Hiroki waved him off. "I'm supposed to help you kid, I'm your tutor now get back to work."
Nowaki kept the smile on his face as he returned to his worksheets. Yet again, his eyes moved from the sheet to Hiroki, his bangs obscured his eyes when his tutor turned to his direction.
After an hour of silence, Nowaki stopped answering the questions on his worksheets. He noticed Hiroki gnawing on the of his pen. His light brown eyes narrowed in obvious irritation and ignored any attempts at long conversation. Usually, Hiroki humored him and asked his own questions. Nowaki bit his bottom lip. The atmosphere felt uncomfortable and tense.
Leaving felt like the best option.
"Hiro-san?" Nowaki cringed at the glare he received. "Should we continue on another day?"
"What are you talking about? Do you need to get to work early or something?"
Nowaki gulped as he put down his pen. "You seem like you're in an awful mood. Whatever is going on, you should take time for yourself. That's what I do when I'm feeling down. Also, I know you diverted answering the first time."
"Then, why are you asking me again?" Hiroki growled. "If I didn't answer the first time, it means I don't want to talk about it."
Nowaki panicked as he said. "I'm so sorry. It's just..."
Hiroki combed through his hair with his right hand. "Don't tell me sorry it's irritating. Besides, I'm the one in a pissed off mood. Look, it has nothing to do with you. At all. I have some shit going on and I can't get it out of my mind."
Nowaki nodded his head and bit back another apology. Hiroki told him apologies angered him during this time. He wasn't about to test the limits on that temper. Nowaki picked up his pencil and feigned doing his work but his mind wasn't into it. How could he? His Hiro-san remained upset at something which affected him so deeply.
He felt Hiroki staring at him as he worked. After their stiff conversation, he wanted to keep up the appearance of a hardworking student to his tutor. Nowaki wrote down the beginnings of solving the problem. Out of nowhere, Hiroki snatched his paper away from him and checked it.
"I just showed you the proper way to solve this problem." Hiroki stated, eyebrows furrowed, creating an indentation between his eyebrows. "Are you purposely trying to make me angry?" He asked with an underlying irate tone as he placed the paper back on the table.
Nowaki gritted his teeth as he said. "People make mistakes Hiro-san. I was about to correct he mistake I made in the last line I wrote."
Hiroki scoffed. "Yeah right. Most people in this world are just incompetent. They end up losing important things that their mother made with her own bare hands."
Nowaki years his voice crack when he said "mother", and stared at him. "What...what do you mean? Is something going on with your mother?"
Hiroki averted his eyes when he answered. "..There was this red scarf in my wardrobe.."
Nowaki's heart raced in fear, he knew which scarf Hiroki mentioned. He had it hidden underneath his pillow. Before he left home, he made certain it remained hidden from anyone wanting to grab it. He caressed the scarf with loving care as he laid beside it when he was home.
He saw Hiroki's saddened eyes and it clicked inside of Nowaki's mind. The scarf was made by Hiroki's mother. The state of it was practically flawless and well taken cared of. Hiroki must have loved his mother enough to take loving care of it. A gift from said person made the scarf all the more special.
Nowaki pinched himself under the table. How was he supposed to know it was that special? The scarf was nestled into a ball with the rest of the scarves in the closet.
No indicators stuck out at him to realize this fact.
"I'm so damn careless. I can't ask her to make me another one when she worked hard on it when she was at the hospital. I think this year she is making hand knitted sweaters."
Nowaki felt a stab in his heart for his insensitivity at grabbing such a precious treasure. He couldn't handle hearing Hiroki sound so broken at thinking he'd actually lost it. Thinking his own carelessness caused this problem. When in reality it wasn't lost, it was safe and sound underneath a pillow. The scarf was without a thread out of place and in perfect condition.
"Is it lost?" Nowaki decided to lie, the option in the long run seemed in his best interest.
Hiroki nodded his head. "I think it is lost. How could I lose it? It's a bright red color! I easily found it in the dark if I needed to wear it!"
Nowaki chewed the inside of his cheek to refrain from telling the truth. Oh how he hated lying to Hiroki. It became too natural of him to keep out his misdeeds from having him reveal everything due to his guilt. He hated lying. This was something the orphanage taught him at a young age. Many awful things spiraled out of control whenever someone lied.
The vulnerable side of his harsh teacher had him wanting to hold him tight in his arms. When one was sad it was only natural to hug them and comfort them in their time of need. Hiroki needed him. Nowaki's body twitched toward Hiroki's direction but he stayed put. He was eager to touch this beautiful man as he imagined in his very lucid dreams. They felt more and more real each day.
He desired him so much. Possessing his body, kissing away all of the fears, and making sure he was the only man in Hiroki's mind. Where his touches and kisses brought on Hiroki's desires.
It became unbearable. His mental resistance slowly eroded as the days passed on.
Hiroki stared at Nowaki from the corner of his eyes and noticed the man's inner dilemma, it was etched all over his pretty boy face. He didn't expect Nowaki to remotely care about his missing gift from his mother. Nowaki knew nothing about her. This was the first time he brought her up throughout their tutoring sessions. He never revealed such intimate details to anyone.
"Nothing I can do I guess.." Hiroki sighed as he rubbed his temples. "Thinking about it will run me ragged at this rate. I'll just tell her the color drained out when I accidentally put it in my laundry and went light pink." He yawned a few seconds later and rubbed his eyes. "All this frustrations have made me more tired than I thought.
Minutes passed after Hiroki yawned. He laid on the floor and used his dark sweater as a pillow. Hiroki muttered he just wanted to close his eyes. It didn't last long. He fell into what Nowaki assumed was a deep sleep. He tossed and turned a couple of times while tangling his hands into the fabric to make it more comfortable.
Nowaki placed his chin in the palm of his hand as he stared at Hiroki from his spot at the low rise table. He smiled when he saw Hiroki wrinkling his nose and muttering curses under his breath. The whole image stuck in his mind. The giant stood up as he went toward the couch picked up a fluffy looking pillow. He went back to Hiroki and replaced the makeshift pillow. He was pleased he could help Hiroki in some way and wondered whether he should've stayed or not.
He didn't care. At least, he saw Hiroki's adorable sleeping face.
Just in case Hiroki woke up, Nowaki finished his work fast. He couldn't lose the chance to gaze at Hiroki's sleeping face. He drank up the image of seeing Hiroki sleep beside him in bed using his imagination. He decided on laying down beside him. Testing out the arrangement, he found he enjoyed the small distance between the both of them. Scooting closer, he memorized the details of Hiroki's face.
Nowaki let out a few of his murmured adoration of Hiroki slip out of his lips. His heart sped up when the man shifted in his slumber. They were just simple statements which he held true over the older man but having said them made them truer in his heart.
Reaching out his hand, Nowaki glided his fingers across Hiroki's hair, not at all surprised at the softness of those light brown locks. He got braver and ran his hand through Hiroki's hair, giggling softly when Hiroki nuzzled his hand the moment he touched the skin of his cheek. His eyes went toward Hiroki's unbuttoned shirt which exposed copious amounts of skin, he questioned whether or not to risk waking up his sleeping secret love and touch him. It was an appealing notion on his part but he doubted he could remove his hand off of Hiroki.
Shaking his head, he took his hand back. His mind needed something else to place his thoughts on and fast. His hand itched to touch Hiroki's warm and soft skin.
He bit his bottom lip as his eyes wandered toward Hiroki's lips. They were a soft pink color, soft and supple, just begging to be kissed. He wanted to taste the peach chap stick Hiroki applied to prevent them from drying out and Hiroki's natural flavor mixed in. He wanted to have his lust driven mad by the red swelling of those lips as he bit them while they kissed in passion.
Nowaki gulped, nerves wrecked through his body. His body trembled. The opportunity of kissing Hiroki was too great to pass up. He might never get this chance again. Hiroki was in such a deep sleep he would never know it occurred. He already planned out how to confess his feelings of love. Maybe Hiroki wanted him too.
He moved a few strands of Hiroki's hair from his face as he gathered up his courage. Cupping Hiroki's cheek, he leaned closer and closed the gap in between them.
This simple brush of the lips released the animalistic side Nowaki had long since forgotten he possessed. He closed his eyes in bliss and relished the contact of their lips.
He broke the kiss a few seconds later, but to him it felt as if he kissed Hiroki for hours.
Afterwards, Nowaki touched his lips, his curiosity on comparing his dreams to reality was satisfied. He contemplated kissing Hiroki again but Hiroki opened his eyes and closed them again. He feared Hiroki knew of their kiss yet Hiroki went back to sleep. Hiroki even switched positions and moved to his side, facing away from Nowaki. Oh well. Better luck next time.
Nowaki breathed a sigh of relief as he stood up and went to organize his possessions. Once he collected everything in his bag he hoisted the strap of his messenger bag on his shoulder. He accidentally knocked over one of Hiroki's books onto the floor causing a loud slam.
Hiroki woke up at the sound and opened his eyes. He rubbed them with the back of the hand as his eyebrows furrowed. "The fuck… oh shit you're still here. Damn it, I must have fallen asleep."
Nowaki hastily picked up the book. "I hit your book by mistake..sorry. I'll put it right back on your table. Don't worry." He placed it at its proper place as Hiroki stood up and stretched up his arms.
"What time is it?" Hiroki asked as he turned to the clock on his wall and read the time. "Never mind. Disregard my question."
The time turned out later than he expected. Hiroki thought Nowaki would've just left his home already. He didn't mind if Nowaki left him to go home. After all, he was rude enough to sleep while he resided in his home.
Nowaki had a night shift at a convenience store. He caught him once while he grabbed some quick food to eat in the morning.
What reason could he have to stay for?
Hiroki remembered that Nowaki didn't know which folders showed the papers for tutoring and not his own classes. He must have forgotten to give the extra packets at the beginning. Then again, his foul mood brought him to forget what he did while tutoring Nowaki.
Nowaki moved out of the way as Hiroki grabbed one of the folders and handed him a different folder. "You did finish your work right?"
"Yes I did." Nowaki answered as he cradled the folder on his arms. "I left everything on the table Hiro-san. Don't worry, I filled out everything and described everything in detail."
"Good." Hiroki scratched the back of his head. "Go home kid you have a night shift, you need to grab some coffee to function."
Nowaki nodded his head, not at all displeased that he was leaving his Hiro-san. He licked his lips. The reminder of Hiroki's lips would keep him going throughout the shift. He didn't need coffee.
"Okay see you soon Hiro-san." Nowaki told him with the largest smile on his face and waved at him.
Hiroki gave a half-hearted wave. Nowaki's smile grew bigger and his eyes almost seemed to sparkle. The happiness poured out of the man in waves and reached Hiroki. He arched his eyebrow and crossed his arms over his chest.
What was Nowaki so happy about?
TBC