It was different this time.

My memories were foggy, yet somehow, almost as if bound to my soul, I expected the warmth of a sunkissed horizon to greet me. The gentle swaying motion of a moving vehicle, bumping along in it's tracks. Faces unfamiliar, yet at the same time linked to memories I couldn't have, somehow.

Instead I was greeted by a cold, darkened white. The atmosphere gave off the vague vibe of a hospital. Or maybe that was the smell of antiseptic infesting the air.

I moved forward through the gloom, not so much walking as sliding, compelled by something I couldn't quite grasp. An idea, a calling, whatever it was, brought me to a dimly lit room, dark even by comparison to what I'd seen before. The floor was clean, bone-white resin.

That is until I saw the first stains of blood.

They were scattered sporadically on the floor. Some were new, bright red in the sterile lighting. Others, clearly having been present for a long time, appeared as if rust spots. There were some that were just splatters, and then there were whole puddles. Despite the unease I should have been feeling by now, I kept going forwards. This wasn't what I was here to see.

I saw something different finally after...minutes? Hours? Time was never easily pinned down in places like this. I supposed I was just getting used to it. What I wasn't used to was the dead body I found on a gurney.

I supposed it should have been expected, what with all the blood around. Still, it didn't look as if the corpse was the originator of the stains. It did however have plenty of blood on the sheet draped over it. The feet were bare, extended slightly beyond the gurney, and had a toe tag on them. It was blank.

From the silhouette of the body underneath it was a lithe figure, likely not fully grown yet. Maybe a girl? Probably actually. Despite all the morbidity, I wanted to check under that sheet. Yet, I felt like I already knew what was there.

So I kept walking on. And on. And on. Another gurney popped up. Then another. Then another.

They turned into a common sight soon enough. The same pair of feet sticking out, the same silhouette under the cloth, the same position, the same blank tag. Yet, for all that, their blood stains were all in different areas, though still all lethal-looking from what I could grasp of the wound underneath.

I stopped several meters away from the last gurney. Instinctively, I could tell it was the last. Even far away there was a change, a tinge of blue where there should have been white, or white stained in crimson.

I knew it was Rei before I got close enough to confirm. She was back in her bandages, from the very beginning. One eye was covered. Besides that, she was wearing only a simple hospital gown.

Something wasn't right however. The one eye remaining open stared out into the blackened void of the ceiling, that could somehow simultaneously possess lightbulbs, and yet remain pitch black itself. It was entirely hollow and lifeless. The eye of a corpse, even though I could see she was breathing.

"Rei?"

"They die, so I live."

"What does that mean?"

She broke her gaze at the ceiling, instead directing it at me. The blood-red organ stared into me, through me. It suddenly wasn't attached to a hurt, cloned girl anymore. It was massive, the size of a mountain, and still growing. The pupil swallowed me whole.

Day Two

I awoke, my eyes shooting open. A warm sticky, sweat hung all over my body, the kind that ensured me I would be hard pressed to go back to sleep even if I wanted to. But what I'd just experienced quite easily put any thought of peaceful slumber away far easier than my own body could.

That meant it was good a time as any to address the dreams.

Ever since I'd gotten here my night sleep had been plagued nonstop. I couldn't guess as to why. I had chalked it up for the most part to just yet another unnatural circumstance brought on by my...displacement. It wasn't like I could do much more about it. They stole away sleep, yes, but even fresh off of waking up I could scarcely remember anything of them, least of all keep that memory throughout the rest of the day when I was cognizant enough to dwell on it.

There was no use bothering myself over things that seemed to get instantly wiped, even if I knew on some base level the Angels and Evas played into it. But this time, this time had been different.

I remembered the dream. I didn't just remember it, it was bored into my skull, and I had to blink my eyes several times to try and dispel the gaping abyss of the titanic eye, lodged as an afterimage in my vision.

I could only begin to guess what it meant. Was it a message of some sort, or just my own paranoia wreaking havoc on my unconscious self? The first option would've sounded ridiculous in any other circumstance, but given where I was currently, I was hard pressed to throw out any explanation whatsoever, up to and including Lilith herself (itself?) trying to communicate with me.

Of course, trying to guess as to the meaning of the dream without knowing if it was a rambling of my own mind's stresses or something else entirely was as useless as wondering about most things and how they would proceed in this universe. All the answers I had, every key to every door, just opened up to a hundred more doors I couldn't begin to fathom at.

And the naked blue haired girl was not helping matters.

Wait what.

I instinctively covered my eyes when I realized just what I was staring at.

"Rei! What are you doing?!"

"I took a bath," she replied, in a voice that implied there was absolutely nothing strange at all to her about the situation.

"I..." pausing, I decided to not continue that line of thought. There was no point being incredulous over it. The girl simply did not get social queues, even down to the most basic. Besides, there were far worse things than being flashed. I would live, even if the memory would be burned into my skull worse than the dream could ever hope to be. "Just put some clothes on, please."

Training went about as well as expected. For all their differences, Shinji and Asuka really did have something deeply similar bonding them together. A combination of their life experiences and their issues perhaps? I couldn't say they were directly correlated, but they certainly gelled together well when it came to syncing.

Me and Rei...did not. Maybe it was in part to me never being the most coordinated person when it came to basic activities, maybe it was the personality difference. Maybe I was just dreadfully incompetent. Whatever it may have been, the dancing around in the set up Misato had left us just made me feel stupid and frustrated.

It was about the fifth time I just fell on my ass when, barely containing a very angry curse, I got to my feet and sighed. I spent a few seconds like that, exhaling and inhaling, partly to calm myself down and partly to gather my wits. Dancing around certainly wasn't easy cardio either.

Rei was staring at me all the time. For all I could tell the girl hadn't even broken a sweat.

"Can we take five?" I asked, a bit more forcefully than I would've liked. Rei brokered no disagreement.

I took a seat on the chair, and popped open a water bottle. I was not trusting the apartment's faucets, not after having to scrub the rest of the place.

"We are not compatible."

For what was certainly not the first, and probably wouldn't be the last, time I got startled by the sound of her voice. Her quiet demeanor permeated a room where nothing was happening. It was almost like it lowered the overall volume around someone. And when she chose to break that quiet herself, it was simply strange.

"I suppose we aren't," I could only respond. She was not wrong. "Why is that?"

"I do not know," she said, and her face became mildly thoughtful. "I feel there should be a bond, but still it does not exist."

"Why would you say that?"

"You tamed Unit 00," she said flatly, and her expression shifted again to neutrality. But in her eyes, in her eyes I saw a flicker of something. Jealousy, guilt, fear even? It was too brief to speculate with any certainty.

"Hardly," I spat the lie out. "I'm sure you could've done the exact same if you just got into it before me."

At the very least that was not a lie.

"The Eva is bound to us, just as we are to it," she was now looking at a nondistinct spot behind me. "And yet we are not bonded to each-other. None of us are."

"Of course there's a bond. How many 14 year olds do you see running around piloting skyscraper-sized mechs? If that and our own lives being in constant danger is not enough to bond over, I don't know what would be."

"That is not what I meant."

Then what do you mean? I asked in my thoughts, but didn't voice.

After that exchange the day went quickly. We kept on with the training, but my enthusiasm was in it's death throes. I knew for a fact this wouldn't progress much. Maybe it was just the knowledge of who would end up succeeding despite the odds in this mission that kept my mind so calm afterwards.

Having Rei following you everywhere like a ghost certainly wasn't the most pleasant experience, especially when one didn't have a task to concentrate on. Then again, I couldn't say her presence was bad either. It was at least something, something living, almost comforting in her stability, her inability to show surprise or much emotion at all at most things. I couldn't word it properly even if I tried.

We did end up having another run to the retail store to grab some more stuff, as well as a sleeping bag for myself. Discounting the unpleasant dream that was already fading faster than I wanted it to from my memory, it had been an alright sleep on Rei's bed. But I certainly wasn't going through that awkwardness again.

I'd also taken the time to remove the boxes full of...bloody bandages. When I asked Rei why she still kept them around when it was clearly unhygienic, she just gave a blank stare. I shrugged once and then finished the task of disposing of them. She never presented any challenge to my decision.

I thought about Ritsuko telling her to keep them around for sampling or something, but then that theory came apart in only a few seconds. She could get blood samples when she wanted, fresh. And she probably had records of any other blood tests Rei would have done in the past. Certainly old, dried-out blotches of the precious fluid on bandages were as good as worthless. So had Rei just never bothered? Probably, but I'd expect her to say as much.

I yawned, realizing that wondering about that was pointless right now. I seemed to do that a lot. My mind just lingered on things.

But now the only thing it was lingering on was a good night's sleep. I had my doubts, but it wasn't as if I had any choice. The sleeping bag was comfy enough, maybe a bit stifling for Summer weather, but that was easily fixed by just stripping down to my underwear. I made sure to check Rei was asleep, and I sure as Hell wouldn't get out of the bag with her in the room.

I knew she wouldn't give a crap. But it was always more for me than her anyway.

Day Three

The day started off as good as it could have really. No debilitating nightmares, no waking up in cold sweat, no existential crisis. The sleeping bag was alright in comfortability, though absolutely suffocating in the perpetual Summer of post-Impact Japan. I was just thankful Rei's apartment didn't get much sunlight by design, and even then, in cover, the heat could be insufferable.

I'd gotten up, to find Rei once more awoken far before me, reading her book. I really ought to inquire what that was about one of these days. It had no title or cover. Probably something about Nerv.

I'd taken up the habit of making us breakfast, however basic it usually was. When I asked Rei what she ate around this time if she didn't cook, she just stared blankly at me. Again. I'd wager someone just delivered her frozen food she reheated.

It was during this simple breakfast, omelets for the both of us, that my mind was drawn again to the dream and our training. The details were getting fuzzy now, and I'd wanted to write it down when it was still fresh, but I'd forgotten to buy a notebook of any kind. Which did make me wonder how Rei kept a note of everything. Sure she didn't have much to look forward to, but no calendars, no paper, not even pens and pencils? I hadn't even spied the girl's school gear anywhere.

The other subject of my attention was something that was by far more troubling. It was something to circumvent after all, rather than a vague maybe-vision that would probably not amount to much. Probably.

I had begun thinking as well: what if Shinji and Asuka weren't enough? It wasn't like the timeline had remained static until now. Changes had happened, whether because of me or in spite of me. Alternations to very important moments in our battles. And even if the results had turned out okay so far, who was to say that would keep being the case?

If there was anything, anything at all I'd learned from those changes, is that the universe was messy, and chaotic, and it didn't care what you thought of it, outsider's omniscience be damned. We had to be ready. I had to be ready.

But how to do that when I and Rei didn't gel together in any way?

Then it struck me.

Maybe approaching the issue from Misato's point of view alone wasn't the best way to do it. Maybe engaging in an activity I had very little interest in, which only worsened as I was shown up by the lithe and far more graceful First Child, was not the way. Synchronization after all, was meant to be something you felt, right? Something you could pour all of yourself into, in order to fill yourself back up with the other person's experience and vise-versa?

At least that was the way I envisioned it. Synching was the first time Shinji and Asuka ever saw each-other more than an annoyance after all. But what could that something be for me and Rei, if not what we were already doing?

Well, Rei would accept practically anything I'd wager. I don't know if I could fit the word "passion" into the girl, so no real risk of rejection either. And in the face of duty, she was certain to accommodate for whatever, to a point where it was reasonable.

I, on the other hand...what could I do to bond over with Rei? I remained there, scratching my head as my food lay discarded for some time. Then I smiled as something came to mind.

"Hey Rei," I started. "Mind if we try a different type of training today?"

The blazing Sun beating on us was as suffocating as my shoes were starting to feel right then. I needed to get some new ones.

I could smell the salty scent of sweat, and saw the liquid shimmering and steaming off our bodies. Still, even dehydrated and tired already, I was having fun. I didn't think Rei was having as much fun.

It was hard to tell though. It was always hard to tell with her. Even with the pangs of exhaustion on it, her face gave little away. Throughout the entire time, we kept in lockstep with one-another. I glanced at her every so often to fall into the line, and I'd like to think she did the same to me.

We were coming up to an arbitrary spot my phone had set up as being our destination. From a distance it looked like a street light, which was confirmed as we got closer. When we finally arrived, I gave it a good-natured smack. We braked, and bent over ourselves to catch our breath.

This would be the first time I'd ever seen her panting. It was strange. You forgot she wasn't an automaton. She was just as much flesh and blood as anyone else.

Running was admittedly not what I would consider a team anything, much less intended for something like what we were trying to do. But it was a continuous activity which I enjoyed far more than dancing, so there was that. Rei had also offered no protests, but then she rarely did.

It had been hard at first. The First Child was very capable, I'd give her that. Probably trained from childhood. Easily kept up with me, even while having a far smaller gait. I had to constantly remind myself, this was no contest. This was bonding. We weren't meant to outdo each-other, we were meant to stick as close by together as possible. So I constantly, deliberately shortened my steps, so that our feet landed the same and took off the same as much as possible.

"Nice!" I exclaimed, when I'd caught my breath. I was surprised at how happy it sounded as well. There was definitely some catharsis there, something we'd broken through, and just the sheer release of exercise. "That was one fast 5K, Rei! I'm impressed."

I held out my fist. It stood there for a few seconds, but eventually it was reconciled with a pale, small companion. I smiled, if only slightly. You had to take the small victories, if getting Rei to fistbump me could be considered "small".

"What do you think?"

"It is...tiring, but adequate. I can see you are excited for it however."

"Yeah, I think you could say that."

We fell into the familiar routine of silence after that. Now came the walk back, a time to cool down and loosen. We'd taken a few bottles of water with us, which would be emptied quickly enough.

"Tomorrow."

"Hmm?" I could only reply.

"Tomorrow we will reconvene with the Third and Second."

"Oh yeah, we have to go to Misato's place," I replied dumbly, only now having remembered we were supposed to go through a review before the final few days.

"Do you think it will acceptable?"

"That's a strange question coming from you, Rei."

She simply stared. It was true. Rei didn't spend much time thinking about her life I'd seen, or at least she didn't show it.

I frowned. No, that wasn't right. She certainly thought plenty of it, but those thoughts were probably confused, to say the least. And she was too passive to act on them for the majority of the time. She mostly reacted, going through her existence as it came to her. Then again, she did have the whole concept of being replaceable burned into the skull. I'd imagine it'd be pretty hard to stay invested in existence when you constantly had that hanging over you.

So, was this worry something emerged recently? Maybe Shinji had given her a reason to care? Maybe I had?

Yeah right. As if.

Still, the question hung, and I didn't intend to leave it. Realistically, I knew what I should have said. Realistically, I was also sick of being an absolute pessimist in all my decisions lately.

"Are you kidding? We'll smash it."

"What does that mean?"

And of course it's met with abject failure.

"Eh? Like, you know. "Smash it", succeed in a grand way. That kind of thing."

There was a pause.

"Oh."

Thanks for the enthusiasm Rei.

Day Four

Get up, breakfast, stare, run.

Life was easy when it was split into simple time periods that were meant for one action each. You could almost go through it mechanically.

I was settling down easy enough into Rei's apartment now, which was strange. Usually I took a bit longer to accustom myself to any new surrounding. Misato's apartment was no different. Hell if anything, just due to the sheer jarring shift, it took me the longest of all.

Maybe I hadn't adjusted yet. Maybe I'd just learned to ignore it.

We were up for a team meeting with Misato and our compatriots in the afternoon. Of course, if everything went normally, Hikari, Toji and Kensuke would also be there. Things had to be dealt with before then.

Household chores, general mucking about and just a little bit of dance routine training followed the robotic movements of the morning. I had to at least not completely and utterly embarrass myself today.

My host kept quieter than usual. I was under the impression she was thoughtful, though about what exactly was beyond me. Maybe this was giving her a chance to reflect on what had happened during the week? Who knew really.

After everything was done, we took our time traveling to Misato's place. I was still bad with directions, but thankfully the First Child had us both covered. For all the silence she could muster, she gave very detailed descriptions of routes, even if I didn't understand where most of them would be. I really had to open up my eyes and see around some more.

Speaking of which.

"Hey Rei," I began. "I was wondering."

"Yes?"

"What do you think about Shinji and Asuka?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Eh, well, this is the first mission we're going to all together. Y'know, as a team. I know I can rely on you guys. You've proven that enough. But I just want to know if you'll rely on each-other. Like, y'know, in a life or death battle."

"Every battle for us is life or death, Pilot Akashi."

"You're right. But that doesn't answer my question."

We walked in silence for some more time. Her expression was unreadable. If it hadn't just happened I would question myself on whether I had asked the girl at all.

"Pilot Soryu...I do not know how I feel about her. She acts strange. She is difficult to pin down. I do not think she likes me."

There was a pregnant pause.

"And?"

"I do not like the color red."

"Hmm," I hummed thoughtfully. Coming from another person I would've dismissed that as silly, but it was Rei I was dealing with. The littlest things probably made the biggest difference, and I already knew what that difference was in this case.

"So you won't be relying on her. What about Shinji?"

At that, the girl's expression did shift. There was a slight confusion to her features now, as if she had words to share but couldn't quite pin them down.

"He is strange too."

"Anything else?" I gently urged. "Do you think he cares for you?"

"I do not know. Maybe."

"He does," I said. Foreknowledge be damned. I was giving the poor girl a breather, whether it was a smart thing to do or not. God knew she already had enough going on to worry about this too. "He really does. Care for you I mean. I can see it, even if he doesn't really draw attention to it."

"I see."

"Would you rely on Shinji, Rei?"

Another pause.

"Yes."

I smiled.

"I think he'll like that, if you ever decide to let him know."

She said nothing, as we kept on with our trip.

Author's note: Happy one year anniversary to this fic I suppose. Caught it right in the nick of time.