It hurts.

While washing her hands, she briefly regards herself in the restroom mirror. The image reflected back at her feels almost like an abstraction. There's a peculiar sense of detachment, as if she no longer recognizes herself in some way. It doesn't really make any sense. Is this some side effect of being around Kaworu for too long? She starts to experience the world the way he does? Because of that… 'passive transmission' thing? No — she's just looking for some way to avoid responsibility for her own state of mind.

When she looks deep into her eyes, there's something missing that she knows used to be there. Some sort of spark. Ever since Kaji died, she's avoided looking in the mirror any longer than necessary. All that she would find there was her own pain reflected back at her, she knew. And now, that fear is substantiated. But worse than that, she's found her father's pain in her own gaze. That same loss of vitality.

As a girl she liked to tell herself she had nothing in common with that man beyond hair and eye color. Of course they're fundamentally different in many ways — she can't remember ever seeing Father angry, for instance — but it's horrifying how similar they've turned out to be, through no conscious effort on her part. She dries off her hands and, taking the cross between index finger and thumb, turns her head to look into the mirror again.

Feeling the pleasantly cool metal between her fingertips, now she remembers the reason she escaped to the restroom in the first place. Kaworu's completely unprompted caress. She cups her cheek, trying to remember an instant that already feels unreal. He used his right hand that time, whatever that means. Her brother's eyes were frighteningly intense, to the point of reminding her of an Eva's unflinching stare, yet overflowing with adoration at the same time. When he touched her, an incredibly strange intuition was also passed along, similar to her gut feeling — before learning he was Adam — that Kaworu was somehow older than he looked. But she doesn't know how to describe it, really, and that bothers her. She almost wants to say that Kaworu felt 'maternal', but that can't be right.

On the walk back, she gets the waiter's attention and brings him back to the booth so she can order desert. If they're going to be stuck here a while longer, they might as well. Dango for him, anmitsu for her.

"So," Misato says, "what is it that I just have to know before you can spill the beans?"

Kaworu seems to be considering this carefully. "Do you know what Adam actually is, Sister? How do you explain the existence of such an entity as my true self?"

Not quite what she was expecting, but presumably her brother has a purpose in mind. "Umm…" She scratches the back of her head nervously. Misato doesn't want to embarrass herself here, but it's probably inevitable. "Well, I thought that maybe Adam was an alien, who came here in a giant spaceship… even though that's really silly…"

The boy's face is relaxed. "No, it's not silly at all. You are effectively correct. Is that odd, somehow?"

She issues the faintest sigh of relief. "Maybe a little. Aliens are practically fairy tale creatures. You hear about them in stories but you never expect to run into one in real life." She provides a self-deprecating chuckle. "And, like… Maybe it's just because you're actually half-human, but you're nowhere near as inscrutable as an alien 'ought' to be."

He does that cute little head tilt of his. "Why should someone be inscrutable simply because they originate from a different world? Our minds are structured in effectively the same way. Even when I was Adam, I was still human."

"Wait… what? That doesn't make any sense. You're half-human right now, from the Katsuragi side."

Kaworu's lips form a quirky grin. "Ah, quite right. That hasn't been explained to you, has it?" A modest sigh. "I consider the matter fairly important, so I shall elaborate upon that first. It would clear up a fair number of the inexplicable statements I've made, I imagine." His face becomes deathly serious. "Sister, let me tell you the story of my soul — and of humanity itself."

This is going to be one wild ride, isn't it? Misato prepares her mind for the weirdest.

He places a hand upon his chest. "Here, within my breast, resides the crux of my being. Everything determining who and what I am is encoded within this beautifully complex bundle of energies — something with a shape you cannot feel, and a light you cannot see. But what am 'I'? I am a human being forged from the memories of four very different lives — three that I personally lived, and one I did not."

Misato counts off on her fingers. Another set of four, she realizes; Kaworu just can't catch a break. "So that's Adam, Kaworu… I guess the last one must be Father? Who am I missing?"

"That was my first life… as one of the First Humans."

"First Humans?" Misato says. "Don't tell me they were aliens, too?"

He nods. "Many billions of years ago, before even your Sun existed, they lived in a star system not unlike yours, upon a small rocky planet much like this one. Call it… 'Eden', I suppose. They appeared slightly different than we do now — a smaller, more mundane version of Adam or the Evas — but on a spiritual level they possessed the same essence."

Misato's face twists up a little. "A whole planet of that?!" What a terrifying thought. When Kaworu's eyes betray some disappointment, she reacts to something else. "'The same essence', huh?"

Kaworu doesn't answer her directly. "By the time of my birth, they had long since passed the peak of their existence — a truly great zenith, far exceeding what's been accomplished on Earth — and entered a decline. The entire star system existed in the shadow of looming apocalypse, on the verge of being devoured by a spatial anomaly of which the details matter little. To combat this existential nightmare, the Seed Project was devised."

It's all so abstract and… sci-fi?… that it's hard to gauge the proper response. He's effectively telling her that he's lived through a disaster of unimaginable scale, but he's being so impersonal about it. Maybe that's just his way of coping, though. Misato tries to show she's listening. "'Seed'… Does that have something to do with Adam?"

Another nod. "Through my species' combined efforts, gods were created in our own image: giants of extraordinary constitution, who would function as colonizers. Each of them was paired with a helpmate, an entity equal parts weapon and ark. Finally, great spacefaring vessels were constructed: carriers for the divine companions."

"First one is easy; that's what Adam is. The second…" Misato thinks for a second. "Oh, right! The Spear of Longinus!" Kaworu provides an approving nod, and Misato continues, "And the third must be the giant round things the Geofronts are in."

"White Moon and Black Moon, you Lilin call them," Kaworu says. "So, when all was said and done, seven sets of three were produced. Thereafter, seven individuals were carefully chosen to imbue these artificial gods with the will of the people. I was one of them." He blushes slightly. "I had never thought myself anything extraordinary, but the self is often its own poorest judge, isn't it?"

"What are you talking about, Kaworu-kun? You're amazing." Misato has no idea where that came from, and she feels somewhat embarrassed for having said it.

"But was I amazing before my deification? It was so long ago I suppose it no longer matters."

Dessert shows up then. Misato eagerly starts digging into hers, but Kaworu seems rather distracted at the moment, and he continues talking.

"So, yes… Being chosen. It was a sacred responsibility that could not be rightfully declined. And so I left my mortal existence behind and began my Life Eternal. Now comes the important part, Sister: how it can be that we are both equally human. You see, it was not possible to simply move my people to a new world. The best that we gods of creation could do was save their souls, and relocate them to be reincarnated. Before the world could be destroyed, we did precisely that. We released all people from their bodies, gathered them together, and divided them equally between the seven of us."

How unnerving. "Are you saying… you killed everybody?"

Kaworu doesn't falter. "From a certain point of view, I suppose. However, it was done entirely in the name of preserving life. My species would have been irreversibly erased if we stood idle." His voice perks up slightly. "See how history repeats, Sister? Humanity on Earth, too, will inevitably perish if no action is taken. A smaller disaster to ward off the much greater one. This is the underlying essence of what you Lilin call an 'Impact'. The intimate interplay of life and death. How one can be used to serve the other."

Misato is tempted to say a bunch of nasty things, but that would probably just be repeating history, too. Given the context, it might even be kind of inappropriate.

"Earth has been subject to a rather messy history," Kaworu says. "The seven gods were each supposed to find their own Promised Land, you see. But two of us ended up here. I arrived first, in my White Moon. Before I could establish a foothold, the Usurper arrived in her Black Moon."

"I knew it!" Misato says. "I mean… I had a feeling something weird was going on. The two spaceships… The whole thing with the Second Angel… You've said that you're the Angels' progenitor, and it's pretty obvious you're leading into some 'your species is humanoid because aliens did it' reveal…"

Kaworu provides a self-satisfied grin. "Keep going."

"So the Second Angel must be what's responsible for hu— er, my kind of human." Additional disparate pieces of information suddenly connect in her head. "That word you always use… 'Lilin', or something… Is that what I am?"

"Very good," he says. "You are the offspring of my sister and nemesis, Lilith… generated through abiogenesis and hundreds of millions of years of carefully guided evolution. The humanoid form was required for the First Humans to be reincarnated. You know the innate condition of my own children, don't you?"

Misato has to think back a bit, and she munches on a slice of strawberry to get her brain working. "We found one that was still in an… egg, I guess?"

Her brother nods in affirmation.

"That one looked creepily humanoid. I guess they shapeshift right before they hatch, or something?"

Another nod. "They are essentially the same kind of being that Adam is. If they did not cast human form aside, they would simply look like giant versions of the First Humans."

Misato shrugs. "Makes sense, I suppose."

Kaworu steeples his fingers. "You have misgivings about what the Seven did to Eden, I realize. But neither Lilin nor Adam's Children would exist if that sacrifice hadn't been made. My children — the few I was able to bring into the world — are all direct reincarnations of individuals who died on Eden that day. With Lilin, it's slightly more complicated, but at one point your kind, too, contained souls that had lived on my home world. Your own soul is one of their many descendants. This is what 'humanity' truly is, Sister. It's a spiritual lineage. Myself, Lilith, Adam's Children, Lilin, the Evangelions: all equally human."

"Not gonna lie," Misato says, "that's super weird and it'll take some getting used to." But this does, indeed, explain a lot of the bizarre things Kaworu has said. Part of her feels tempted to contest the claim on semantic grounds, but trying to pull that kind of argument on a mind as ancient as Adam's would probably qualify as "missing the point completely", so she keeps her mouth shut about that. Not that big a deal if she has to talk a little differently around him.

They eat quietly for a bit. But soon Misato's brain starts tugging at a loose thread.

"So, this 'Lilith'… You said it arrived in the Black Moon. That's the one in Japan, right? So is Lilith in there somewhere, and the brass never told us?"

Kaworu sets down a dango skewer. "According to my masters, her body hangs crucified in the catacombs beneath Nerv Headquarters. I see no reason at the moment to doubt this information. The entire place reeks of her."

Misato's eyes widen. "'Crucified'… I know what you mean; I've seen it before! The giant on the cross! But… I was told that was Adam…" Did Kaji lie to her? Or was he duped as well? It gives her an uneasy feeling.

Her brother chortles. "You were convinced for a second by a lie so transparent? Such a uniquely hateful defilement of divine perfection can be mistaken for none but the Usurper."

It's weird hearing Kaworu take potshots at someone other than Seele. The kid definitely has an axe to far as she's concerned, all of the giants are creepy as hell, and there's no point in trying to argue with him on this. A little levity seems warranted. "Hey, give me a break here! I can barely remember the crap that happened fourteen years ago! And besides, on what basis could I say it wasn't true? For all I knew, Second Impact could have made Adam look like… that."

"Well, I suppose that's fair," Kaworu relents. "But do understand, Sister. Lilith resembled Adam once, but it was never the other way around. All of the Seven began with a form crafted by the finest biochemical artisans, one which functioned as an idealization of the First Humans as a whole. The Evas, naturally, inherit this; and even the Lilin's best attempts to meddle with perfection only go so far. Your Test Type is the progeny of Lilith — the coloration is different, but everything else is precisely how Lilith once appeared."

"Eva-01 isn't a clone of Adam?!" Her mental stand-in for the First Angel was made from the Second this entire time? Crazy. Why would they go to so much trouble to cover up Lilith? Is she missing something here? Interesting, though, that the freakiest Evangelion was born from something Kaworu so openly reviles. Now that she really thinks about it, her antipathy has been pretty singlemindedly focused on Eva-01, hasn't it? The other Evas never provoked that level of emotion. Maybe they even felt familiar and comfortable, somehow… And speaking of that, "So if what I saw is Lilith, what happened to Adam? Is it completely gone, aside from you? Only the soul exists now?"

Kaworu's expression becomes severe. "Back at Second Impact, when I knew I would die… I generated a replacement vessel for myself. A perfect clone. That, along with the embryo of what would become this,"—he indicates himself—"were deep inside my body when it burned away into nothing. Since the son of Adam and Akira Katsuragi exists, then so too must the new Adam."

"How is it even possible that they survived?" Misato asks. "If Adam went supernova, or whatever actually happened…"

"Adam's helpmate sacrificed himself to protect them, I think." There's a distant, melancholic look on his face. "I had little sense of what was happening at the time, but… That must have been it. He formed a protective capsule of his own concentrated mass around the unborn Adam and Kaworu."

Misato absentmindedly caresses Father's pendant. "You said Seele wanted you to retrieve your body, right? Does that mean it's around here somewhere?"

"I've been informed that it's on the person of Commander Ikari," Kaworu says. "I have attempted to confirm this myself as best I can, and I feel fairly certain that it's true. With such a weak energy signature, the remnant of my body — the flawless copy — is still probably in the early embryonic stages. That would be small enough to conceal easily, but big enough for me to be able to detect it within reasonable distance." Pausing, he grasps his chin in contemplation. "However, I sense, too, that something very strange is occurring in the lower levels, where Lilith is kept. In addition to her, you see, there is a feeling of something like myself. Actually myself — distinct from both the Evas and from Lilith." His eyebrows sink ever further down. "If there truly are two Adams within the Black Moon, it is hard to avoid the conclusion that one of them is a decoy or snare. I have no intention of falling for it, of course. I don't suppose you have any information, Sister?"

She trawls her brain for anything that might be even a little useful. "The only time I saw Lilith was months ago. I remember that a lot of its body was missing and it was… impaled on the Spear of Longinus, I think? It was bleeding LCL, too. Endlessly, it seemed like, however the hell that works."

Kaworu contemplates this deeply. "Longinus…" he mutters to himself. "So, perhaps…? Hmm."

"What are you thinking, Kaworu-kun?"

"You are not the only one who must navigate a labyrinth of secret plots, Sister," Kaworu chuckles. "But let us put that aside for now. There is something far more pressing than my own idle speculations." The two blood-red irises fixate intently upon her, and he smirks, just a little.

Misato sighs. "Right. I suppose that would be me. Let's get this over with, then."

Kaworu folds his arms upon the edge of the table. "I have established the necessary groundwork. Now comes the difficult part, because it is so close to home for us both." He leans forward slightly, and his demeanor shifts to complete earnestness. "The reason you are needed, Sister… that, despite your own feelings of insignificance, you have the power to make all the difference in the world…" With their eyes locked together uncomfortably like this, she can see every little shift in his pupil diameter. They widen abruptly, and he speaks again. "It's the same reason that I awakened and entered an Impact-ready state during Father's experiment. You remember, don't you? You were watching the moment it happened."

She resists his invitation to reminisce. "Cause and effect is pretty simple. Before experiment: no Second Impact. During experiment: Impact. And since you need me for Third Impact so badly, that also makes it obvious that Father, and not something else, triggered Second. You need me to do whatever the hell Father did. Fine. This doesn't tell me anything about what it was that Father actually did, though."

"You're close, Sister. Very, very close." Kaworu grins in familial pride. "You at least know what the procedure entailed, yes?"

"I barely know anything," Misato grouses. "I know your current body was created somehow. That was the whole point… to create a transgenic life-form, or whatever. And with everything you know about Father, there must have been some kind of mental link. But that's it, really. It's all a big mess up in here." She taps the side of her head.

He looks dubious. "I'm sure you know more than that. But everything being a muddle is quite understandable." His fingers rap on the table briefly. "Father's team believed that they were creating a hybrid organism, yes. Life has both a physical and spiritual component, and the procedure reflected this. Father's genetic blueprint was merged with my own by way of the divine helpmate. At the same time, our souls were overlapped in imitation of natural reproduction." The red eyes develop a slight twinkle. "Despite the crudeness of the procedure, what happened that day was something truly holy — a marriage of the mortal with the divine. Father's consciousness was drawn deep between the folds of my mind, into a microcosm of space-time shared only by the two of us. There, in an eternal instant, the sacrament was performed, and you both received my grace."

Without even thinking, Misato shifts all the way back in her seat. "Kaworu-kun… This is getting a little weird, even for me."

But he doesn't back down. "The hybrid child, the psychic contact — mere stepping stones to something greater, much greater. The answer you seek lay beyond such things, Sister. In fact, the waymark has been with you this entire time. He left it with you so you could follow in his footsteps and complete his work."

Misato stares at him blankly.

Kaworu pokes the white cross hanging from her neck. "This. Don't you know what this is?"

She brings it up to her face, trying to see something significant within the small, symmetrical object. "I mean, of course I know what it is. But it's just a family heirloom. Father wasn't even Christian."

"More interestingly, he held his Christian parents and upbringing in utter contempt," Kaworu says. "So what would motivate him to wear such a thing…?"

Misato shrugs. "Wouldn't be the craziest thing he did. Who cares? What does this have to do with anything?"

"That symbol, on a fundamental level, is a mark of sacrifice intended to absolve mortal man of his sins and help his soul achieve unification with the Almighty. Do you think it's mere coincidence, Sister, where Father's life ultimately took him?" He smiles broadly. "Or, for that matter… Look where you are now."

Is he really going to play that card on her? She already played it on herself, and that was enough for one day! "Kaworu-kun, you're saying a lot of words at me, but you're not actually explaining anything. Why is this so difficult? Can you get to the goddamn point and leave hokey religious bullshit out of it?"

Kaworu sighs, his breath heavy with resignation. "Prior to that day, Adam had been placed under a curse by Lilith, using her divine weapon. That was how she stole this world from me. What Father did was lift the curse, so completely that not only was I able to fully awaken into my body, I could also initiate the process of restoring Earth to my stewardship."

Misato's heart explodes in her chest. "'What Father did'… What are you implying, Kaworu-kun? That he did it on purpose? Is that really where this is going?"

"Nothing would have happened if his intent did not demand I act," her brother says, unnervingly nonchalant. "The gods cannot simply run about engaging in wanton acts of destruction, you see. There are innate controls programmed into us — myself, Lilith, and the Evas as well — that normally prevent us from altering an established ecosphere. Our powers must be unlocked with express consent from a tribune. A representative, hailing from a successor race that lives on that planet." His eyes flicker toward the Katsuragi cross.

"And… that was Father? He… 'unlocked' Adam?" Her hand clamps around the pendant, painfully tight. "Somehow he knew how to do that? Worse, he actually wanted to…?!"

"Father's involvement in clandestine affairs went much deeper than you can imagine, Sister." Then, with a tinge of sadness, "There is so much about him that you never knew."

She doesn't even hear him. Her mind is being completely throttled by the horrible truth that's been cast before it. "He wanted Second Impact to happen?! How is that even possible? It doesn't make any sense!" Long-repressed memories try to claw their way into her consciousness, and she seizes her skull fiercely on both sides, as if that will somehow push the impressions back down.

In their place, Father's last smile, that most haunting of memories, pays her another visit. Right then, she truly felt as though she could finally open her heart to him, and there were so many things she wanted to say but never before could. And just like that, he shut her out. He put up a new wall that would separate them forever. For a few seconds, she didn't understand, and was sure she'd been betrayed once again — but then his body hit the capsule with a dull thud, and the massive explosion hit right after. It's clear, thinking back, that he would have died no matter what, but he forced himself to stay alive long enough to get her to safety. At a time when he could have just curled into a ball and done nothing but wait for death to come… he selflessly protected her, and he saved her life.

How could that Akira Katsuragi exist on the very same day as one who unleashed a disaster of that magnitude upon the world? All those deaths… Far too many to even comprehend. Sure he sucked at being a husband and a parent, but he was a gentle man; he would never wish for something so awful. She wants to say that Kaworu's lying… but she also knows that her father was a deeply disturbed individual, and she'd be a fool to put anything past him.

Her fingers dig deeper. "I don't understand. Was he just a puppet of Seele's? Was he doing it for them? To set up their own shitty future?!"

"Of course not," Kaworu says. "Seele funded his work, but that was the limit of their affiliation."

"That just makes it worse!" Misato cries. "You yourself told me, Second Impact is what fucked everything up! And if Adam couldn't do anything on its own, then Father… He's the one who's really responsible. My own goddamn father! And you expect me to just accept this and agree to clean up his mess? I've been cleaning up that man's messes my whole fucking life!"

His voice nearly devoid of feeling, Kaworu says, "Acceptance is beside the point, Sister. History played out as it did, and time marches ever onward. It matters not one whit to the Patriarchs if you come to terms with Father's actions." Laughing darkly, he adds, "Or, I should say, it would be quite to their advantage if you didn't."

Misato is trying to repress tears, rather unsuccessfully. "What's next? 'I never mattered to him at all'? And him rescuing me — does that have some dark underside, too?" There are still large gaps in her memory, so for all she knows Tsubaki had to pummel him into doing it. Come to mention it, that feels uncomfortably familiar… Maybe that is exactly what happened.

Kaworu frowns. "You mattered to him immeasurably. Don't second-guess the things you already know to be true."

She shakes her head. "I know he's a total failure of a human being, but he was never this shitty. None of this makes sense, even by his deranged standards. What did he even hope to accomplish by waking you up? What was Second Impact going to do for him? And there's so much that doesn't fit anywhere. He was just a theoretical physicist, for fuck's sake. What was he doing, poking at an ancient space god like that? Why would anyone even let him do it? Yeah, 'friends in high places' and all, but please."

"Sister, you see—"

Her mind is being heated over a hot coil and all the rage is boiling out. "Stop calling me that!" She slams her hands down on either side of her barely-touched dessert. "What's wrong with 'Misato'?! I have a fucking name!"

Kaworu's throat bobs. There are obviously words upon his tongue, but he simply stares at her, silent, his expression slightly surly.

"And where do you fit in all this? Don't think I haven't noticed. From the very start you've acted like you're in love with him. What the hell is up with that? You hate Seele just for holding you captive, but some asshole experiments on you and it's a romance? What the fuck? When you live forever, do your standards just drop to nothing, or what?"

The boy looks somewhere between hurt and angry, but he doesn't relinquish control over himself. His tone of voice perfectly even, he says, "You mustn't yield to fear. Shutting your heart away is a rejection of both truth and trust."

Misato sputters. "This is stupid. I was a fool to ever open my heart in the first place. Convincing myself we have a connection, just because you look like my piece-of-shit father. You're some half-Adam freak, so what are the odds that's your real appearance, anyway? You're an Angel. You probably took that shape just to screw with me."

Kaworu's blood-red eyes narrow at her and his frown deepens. But still he says nothing.

"If I'm actually honest with myself, you're as sick as he is," she sneers. "You've got the same hard-on for mass death, don't you? Thinking anything would be fixed by blowing it all up and starting over. The two of you deserve each other."

The same impulse from earlier today possesses her once more. She takes to her feet and, sweeping her hair forward and reaching behind her neck, she fiercely undoes the clasp of Father's necklace. No longer giving two shits about anything, Misato chucks the pendant right at Kaworu's stupid pretty face.

Unsurprisingly, his hand snaps up and he catches it perfectly, but he looks no less surprised. He might even be upset.

Misato averts her eyes, knowing how easily that creature's plaintive red stare would coax her into standing down. "I'm leaving to pay for the meal. Do whatever you want. I don't care anymore." Huffily she gathers her things, and she leaves him there in the booth only with Father's precious, cursed totem for company.

She takes care of the tab up front and starts to head for her car, hoping he doesn't follow. Kaworu Nagisa has fucked with her head one too many times. If she never sees her father's face again, it won't nearly be soon enough.

NOTES

Apologies for the long delay in updates. There was no real excuse in this case, since chapters 18, 19, and 20 were already written in 2020, and I simply never posted them to . Expect all chapters up to 21 to show up presently — but I can't guarantee the timeliness of anything beyond that, alas.

Turning points in long-form writing are something I struggle considerably to pull off. The "restaurant detour" has gone on for much too long, word count-wise, and I'm fully aware of this. I'm breaking every rule of economic exposition and I hate myself for it. In the end, however, I must remind myself, "this is the First Draft and it doesn't have to be perfect". So if bloating does happen, I have to force myself not to agonize over it and to keep moving forward.

In what is probably a familiar theme by now, 18 & 19 started off as one chapter that became a bit… tumescent, requiring that it be split down the middle. Many, many thanks to Derantor for his gracious assistance in helping me determine which material could easily be pruned and what changes were needed to make 18 (the more troubled of the two halves) more emotionally focused.

There being "four Adams" (the original mortal, the Seed of Life, Kaworu Nagisa, and Akira Katsuragi) was not planned at all. I was rather chuffed when I noticed it. While you might think of the four Adams of the new Eva movies first, this would probably function more as an inadvertent reference to the Four Adams of the Kabbalah.

"The story of humanity" includes elements from Evangelion 2 mixed liberally with my own ideas. It was originally much more detailed, but including such luxurious amounts of thoroughly-considered head canon obviously required ignoring the immediate needs of the story, so out that went. (The reason for Kaworu "translating" the name of Adam's homeworld to "Eden" is among the discards.)

Kaworu calls his species of origin the "First Humans" partly for the reason that "First Ancestral Race" serves the purposes of sci-fi world-building ("first" implies there are others; there being others implies that they, too, are "ancestral" to something; ergo humanity exists in a self-perpetuating cycle of propagation; blah blah blah) more than it serves aesthetically pleasing character interactions. But, more importantly, someone who belonged to that species would logically think of themselves as just "human". If you're "human" and there was nothing "human" before you, that's what you are: "human", plain and simple. The creation of successor human species, however, demands that the original humans modify their label slightly for purposes of clarity — sort of like referring to "Star Trek" as "Star Trek: The Original Series" — and so "First" is appended. Nice, simple, to the point, rather unlike this commentary.

The series is rather confusing about what "humanity" (in broad terms, not in "synonym for Lilin" terms) actually means. The solution I use here is one I developed over many years of filthy geekery, and I'm quite pleased with it. To sum it up, "humanity" is primarily a spiritual attribute (on account of all human souls tracing back to the First Ancestral Race), with a secondary physical aspect (humanoid form is required to house said souls, presumably in the interest of 'maintaining' their humanity; shapeshifting ability is fine as long as one's congenital form is human). The relationship between soul/mind and body is one that's hammered in by NGE again and again, so it makes sense that both attributes would be involved. I normally despise anthropocentrism in sci-fi, but the lore of NGE executes the associated tropes perfectly, in my opinion. Humanity is special not because it holds some esteemed position in the cosmos and the human form is inherently the Pinnacle of Evolution, etc., but, rather, we are "special" because we value our own existence and wish to see it go on. That is, we are special to ourselves. I could keep gushing about how much NGE's approach tickles my imagination, but I'll stop now.

Adam generating a perfect parthenogenetic clone of herself during Second Impact which becomes the Adam embryo is my own invention. I have too much trouble trying to justify the "reverted to initial stage of ontological development" thing, and just find this easier and more logical for my own purposes. The bit about the Adam egg and Tabris embryo being shielded by Adam's "helpmate" is my idea as well, though it plays off that mysterious line about a spear "sinking in". (No, this is not Longinus; yes, I am ignoring what Eva 2 says about one of the spears getting destroyed at First Impact.)

The thing about there being "two Adams" under Nerv HQ is an attempt to have fun with some failed speculation of mine that almost explained away the infamous episode 24' plot hole ("why did Kaworu go to Terminal Dogma and act surprised to find Lilith there when he was bluntly told where Adam was?"). That's all I'll say about the matter for now.

Speaking of that plot hole, the messiness of that episode, and the impossibility of determining without a Sahaquiel-span's margin of error who actually knows what and why anybody is doing or saying the things that they are, is precisely why I'm just cutting the whole tumor out completely. It's just a meaningless distraction and there's nothing to be gained by it. This version of Kaworu unambiguously has no trouble telling things apart. There are plenty of other things I can have him be confused about.

The notion of a Seed or Eva requiring a "tribune" to Impact an established planet is inspired by the general pattern shown in NGE. Second Impact involved a Lilin "donor". Third Impact had Yui/Eva-01 using Shinji; in tandem, Rei/Lilith was set off by Gendo. The Angel Impact that never happened (but a version of which is shown in Eva 2) involves an Angel reaching Lilith and triggering an Impact through her. As a programmed failsafe for Seeds, this "you need to hook up with a representative successor" thing probably seems so limited as to be useless, but Earth's situation is probably quite unusual. If you ever get into the weird habit of making up new Seeds and writing about their exploits, the "tribune" concept shows its utility rather quickly. Well… it did for *me*, anyway.

FBLM's version of Kaworu, while still generally even-tempered, harbors a bit of unresolved rage somewhere, evidenced in the grudge against Lilith. This is an intentional deviation from the original series (where Kaworu instead acts to awaken Rei to her true nature), and is part of the overall program of increasing Kaworu's emotional range in order to depict him as a more "complete" person. I know this can't be done in a way that will please everybody, so I aim first and foremost to please myself. With how much Kaworu is romanticized, I want to see the other side of things: the emotional repercussions of a person being shit on by the universe for billions of years.

Misato verbally exploding at Kaworu again and getting physically aggressive with him again was not planned. But I suppose, since Eva is a story of repetition, an echo of their first conversation is perfectly sensible. Her getting rid of the cross here is something that spontaneously occurred to me when I was so frustrated by writing that I felt exactly as angry and petulant as Misato was acting. In all honesty, this probably works much better than the trajectory for Akira's necklace I'd been considering beforehand.

At least a couple of the lines gratuitously channel Eva 3.0. Come to think of it, a lot of this chapter gratuitously channels Eva 3.0... Such things generally aren't premeditated, but the brain free-associates as it pleases.