A/N: These are two flashback chapters added a bit late in this saga. I ended up rechecking the last chapters and I realized I never showed Nowaki's past. This is split into two parts!

Thanks for reading!

-Lucicelo

As far as Nowaki could remember, he felt an intense feeling of loneliness wrap around his heart.

He was a number in an overfilled orphanage. Orphans ranged in ages and he became lost in the fray. No one gave him singular attention due to juggling louder children who demanded attention. Not to be a bother, he stepped back, helping the staff whenever they needed a hand. His helpfulness piqued the interest of the owners of the orphanage, but even they were not immune in reverting their attention onto another child who needed their help more than him.

Not wanting to seem ungrateful, Nowaki learned to mask his emotions with a painted smile. The kind and reliable boy was born from loneliness, wanting to interact with everyone he came across. Trying hard to fit into the cliques at the orphanage, Nowaki became involved in everything, almost to an obnoxious extent. The younger kids loved having a big playmate and the ones his age focused their attention onto teenagers who ignored their existence. A continual cycle of wanting approval encompassed them for life.

Nowaki didn't realize until he was older that he lost a semblance of childhood from ignoring himself for others. He forgot the feeling of selfishness in order to keep himself efficient. To keep his thoughts from realizing his little importance in the world. No one cared about his feelings and personal boundaries. Anything he ever owned was taken from his hands or stolen from his area of a shared bedroom.

The resentment lingered underneath his skin, tempered down with the realities of life.

Little by little, his naivete broke into irreparable pieces.

Nowaki's discovery of how he arrived at the orphanage came with a simple careless throwaway comment from one of the more gossipy employees. "Why do you think he was called Nowaki? He was found in the middle of a typhoon after all."

The orphanage headmaster's wife shushed her employee, but it was too late.

Nowaki heard her words.

As much as the woman tried reassuring him, Nowaki looked down at his shoes. His mind echoed the words. Almost throwing his unimportant place in life back in his face. His work in keeping appearances was useless. He was thrown away in a storm to get rid of him. A baby who did nothing more than be alive.

The news of how he was abandoned in front of the orphanage pushed a continuous dagger into Nowaki's heart. Sure, many orphans were left in front of the gates, but he was left in the middle of one of the worst typhoons of the season. His mother didn't care about the storm and left him underneath the pouring rain. When the staff found him, they didn't find a birth certificate or a note in his basket to give away his birth date. A doctor guesstimated his birthdate as the day of the typhoon through giving him an exam and testing the umbilical cord on his belly.

His birthday might not be accurate. Time of birth was left as the time he was discovered outside of the orphanage. The truth of his birth turned an otherwise happy day into another regular day.

The other kids obnoxiously boasted about their birthdays, beaming at the attention, the sweets, receiving extra clothing in a bigger size, and a trinket. Birthdays were for a person to celebrate another year of living.

To Nowaki, his birthday was meaningless.

Celebrating a guessed birthday didn't mean a thing to him. For all he knew, it was a day or even two days before the date on the birth certificate made by the orphanage director. There wasn't concrete proof of the validity of those tests, but at the very least, he was the right age.

He played along with the adults and other children on his birthday. The adults handed him similar gifts as the other boys. The children screamed in delight over having cake again that week since another child had their birthday three days before Nowaki. They stuffed their faces with dinner while Nowaki lied about liking the out of date sweater in the bag.

The sight of the children's messy faces and insincere expressions on the adults' faces made Nowaki's stomach roll.

His day of birth didn't mean a thing to these people.

He was a reason to entertain the easily fooled kids into having a decent afternoon.

Blowing off the candles of his cake, Mrs. Kusama used a plastic knife to cut the cake into smaller pieces, giving Nowaki the first slice. A plastic knife was stuck in the middle of the white frosting that started to melt.

Grabbing the fork, he ate a piece of his cake, the overabundance of sugar made him grimace. It was obvious this was grabbed at the last moment or found in a cheap market.

In between the screaming children and exasperated adults, Nowaki felt empty.

Whenever multiple families passed through the orphanage, Nowaki watched them from a distance. He dissected them through their mannerisms, their smiles, and the children they favored. The cheerful and outgoing children became favorites of the families who walked through the orphanage. It didn't mean they were selected, but performances seemed to entertain the couples enough to hold a conversation. Almost as if the kids were zoo animals, providing a means of entertainment until they left for the day.

Those same kids insisted on being adopted soon, yapping at the caretakers whose fake smiles twitched back into frowns. Naïve at the cold reception from the older children who have since stopped wishing for a family, but sent them pity glances.

Nowaki stopped attending the visitation days. There was no point in making himself stand out. He was never selected. It wasn't due to his reserved, but easy going personality. He was well behaved and did well in school. More often than not, his mixed heritage and blue eyes deterred desperate couples who wanted a full Japanese child. Even the foreign and Japanese couples gave him a pity glance before looking elsewhere.

In vain hope, he continued on attending the adoption days, tolerating pushy children and leering eyes. Even if his parents didn't want him, maybe, other pairs would want him as their son. He tried his best to find his perfect parents, but they never showed up.

Numerous disappointing adoption days later, he kept to himself inside of the orphanage with the older kids. He didn't want to make a fool of himself in front of strangers. Instead, he read books or did his homework in the peace of his shared bedroom with the boys in his age group. Without their mischief, Nowaki was able to finish weeks of booklets before their noise disrupted his peace.

Adoption days prompted sermons of positivity from their caretakers. The younger children believed their words while the bitter teenagers sneered.

Whispers scattered through the older orphans that a majority of the caretakers wanted the numbers to decrease to help with their workload. The teens were out of the question. Their age and lack of ability to be molded to their new family's expectations kept them in place.

Despite their best efforts, most of the orphans remained on site, heartbroken and slowly consumed by bitterness, tainting their view of the world.

Nowaki tried keeping those thoughts out of his mind. Having watched various teenagers transform into alternative versions of themselves brought fear into him. He didn't want to hate the world because of his circumstances.

He was still a child.

But, it was becoming harder for him to deny these irrational thoughts from circling inside of his mind.

"Not to worry Wa-chan. Another family will pick you."

"Those gorgeous eyes of yours will surely catch the attention of a family! Just be patient."

"A good boy like you will find a family in no time!"

"Try to make yourself stand out! Many of the kids speak to the parents and manage to get adopted."

"Oh Wa-chan, maybe a foreign family will visit and see you."

"Maybe, if you smile more, someone will notice you."

"Oh, don't do your homework. Go out and have fun with the other kids. A family will be able to see how reliable you are."

"Remember, you have to make these couples pity you enough to pick you."

"Wa-chan-"

"Wa-"

Nowaki tuned out his caretaker's words of fake sympathies.

What use were those words when a majority of the orphans aged out the system?

By that time, those kids were tossed on the street or entered into the workforce to survive. Receiving no help, those adult orphans ended up working two or more jobs to pay for university. Most dropped out due to lack of support. Of course, there were rare cases where orphans received their degree and worked a stable job. But those were far in between. The favored kids stayed at the orphanage as helpers or used connections to enter job opportunities.

As one of current favorites, Nowaki hoped to use their connections for when he grew old enough to work. He wanted to build a stable life for himself and rise above the labels he was given throughout his life.

Without a family backing him up, he couldn't afford to behave like a child. That idea was taken from him when he was left in the orphanage. No matter how much the caretakers told the children to live out their lives carefree, they knew it was impossible.

Whispers and snickering followed them all when the truth of their home life was revealed. Adding on the teasing over their lack of parents and second hand clothes added another level of stress onto them.

Nowaki learned far too early that clothes were not always replaceable. The caretakers would sometimes stitch an odd fabric pattern on the rip, emphasizing the fact it wasn't new anymore. Roughhousing and being careless with his clothes lessened the good clothes he managed to hide from the others.

Getting new clothes meant having to work. According to the teenagers, the oldest he could get into work was possibly fourteen. Maybe even earlier if he found a newspaper route who wanted a part timer.

Hiding the fact that he worked was going to be a struggle. A majority of schools didn't tolerate their students working while studying. It was acceptable while in university, but not in high school.

He would decide on this matter once he entered high school.

Throughout his schooling, Nowaki tried to hide his orphan status. His bout of secrecy never lasted long. His last name brought up questions. Kids were nosy creatures and wanted to know everything. There were multiple Kusama's in various grades, causing students to claim they were all related.

This was not the case.

Nowaki tried to avoid answering and diverted to other topics. To admit that he was abandoned in a storm was asking for bullying. He saw the cruelty of bullies at the orphanage and at school. There was no safety for himself if he showed weaknesses.

He remembered a girl in his class, whose father left her mother for another woman, was teased relentlessly. Despite the fact her father was at fault, the bullies attacked her without remorse. A boy in another class, soiled himself due to having stomach issues and was known through various poop related names.

Nowaki couldn't fathom being targeted.

To his horror, some of the Kusama orphans answered those questions honestly. As a result, students labeled them as outsiders to the ones with real families. Orphans who kept their original last names navigated through school with well placed lies and comments. Ignoring the orphans with the last name Kusama for their own reputations.

Nowaki used to feel devastated at their cold shoulders, but he understood their stance. He would have done the same if he was given a last name when he was given up. No one else would watch their back if they were not careful.

Nowaki thought ahead to keep decent, but not great grades. He left the notoriety to the kids whose parents sent them to cram classes in elementary school. The ones who were mocked behind their backs over their lack of fun.

He thought these kids were amazing to already think of their futures. Where they were certain on the career path they would follow once they finished high school. Nowaki changed his mind enough to where he couldn't pinpoint a permanent career path. The older orphans didn't help encourage the thought of dreaming big anyways.

Their art teacher explained their current solo project. A collage of what it meant to be a family. There was no right or wrong answer. After all, families came in different sizes and some kids saw their own pets as their family.

Ever the helpful person, Nowaki spoke to the kids in his class about what to do on a current project. He pointed out the materials that they could use to make up the image instead of having to draw it out. Nowaki didn't have enough art skill to show it off to his classmates. He glued different photos or clippings of magazines to show off his intent.

"What does he know, he doesn't have a mom and dad." A kid waved Nowaki's comments off with a flick of his hand.

To Nowaki's horror, the other kids turned their backs to him, agreeing with the interloper and ignored him. For a week straight, he heard giggling whenever he passed his classmates and he tuned them out. He never responded or confronted the boy. No one would side with him in his complaint.

Wherever it came down to future projects, Nowaki did his best to hide himself from being called on by the teachers. He didn't want someone to point out his lack of anything on top of being an orphan.

Quitting school, well, missing his entrance exams, was received with outrage. After all, the staff and owners of the orphanage assumed he would be one of the few orphans who wouldn't fall into the rut of multiple jobs and struggling to make ends meet. There were orphans his age, who were working. were stunned at his rash decision to abandon his studies.

In their eyes, Kusama Nowaki was the ideal to follow. He kept excellent grades despite helping out in the orphanage without complaint. For him to cave under pressure was something they couldn't fathom.

The Kusama's were furious at Nowaki for tossing away his one opportunity and questioned him as to why he needed to work.

"Money? Wa-chan, you can make far more money once you finish university." Director Kusama implored. "I have the capability to place you into a decent enough school to polish your future applications."

Kusama's wife smiled lightly. "He's right, Wa-chan, you are someone special. You are smart enough to rise above this start of your life and live well."

Nowaki swallowed the words he wanted to say, but remained firm in his decision. "I stand by my decision." He tacked on. "Other kids my age have started working. Some have even returned to school! Takemura-san's work record helped him land a good office position before he graduated university. It can be done."

Mr. Kusama wrinkled his brows, knowing full well that Takemura Hideo was helped out by a family member who recognized him as an adult. A sudden change of fate that changed his old charge's life for the better. He thought Nowaki would want to go through an easier course in life than to make it far more difficult.

Mrs. Kusama sighed. "Alright, if you're sure, Wa-chan. We won't begrudge you if you don't want to go to school."

Nowaki knew the owners were immensely disappointed, but he couldn't find it in himself to care.

He needed money.

Without money, he was open and weak to everyone who wanted to take advantage of him. Without money, he couldn't blend into the crowd. Decent clothing, a fit body, a charming smile, and integrating in the workforce would hide his shortcomings.

At some point, he would take those exams, enter university, and study for a good career. He grew tired of waiting until he was an adult in order for him to keep something of his own. Maybe, he would save enough to move into an apartment of his own.

Far away from the crowded up bedrooms of where he grew up.

Soon enough, Nowaki worked two jobs. One in the early morning, another on the weekends. Many of the orphans worked these jobs and helped integrate him with their coworkers. Nowaki, the youngest one of the lot, worked in the back or kept himself from view.

To soothe the Kusama's irritation, he donated money, volunteered, and entertained their attempts at convincing him to go to school. Mr. and Mrs. Kusama fell for his ruse, waiting for the day when he might submit his applications and finish school.

Nowaki tolerated their nagging and jumped into working multiple jobs. Every single one brought a different perspective of charismatic people who charmed the crowd. He picked different aspects that fit with his calm demeanor. He was never a bubbly, outgoing sort of person. That forced bright aura drained him far quicker than the refreshing type.

The backtrack of working was how his public face slipped far more often because of the stress of work.

As he grew older, Nowaki thanked his forethought in continuing to learn English.

Two of his seasonal jobs included copious amounts of tourists and he became the main translator of communication. Whenever someone asked if he was half, he lied, not giving away his uncertainty of his actual ethnicities.

Learning American states helped to perpetuate a decent enough lie to fester.

Every single foreigner who talked to him believed his lies. They couldn't contradict him if he said he barely visited his mother's hometown. New York and California were his favorite states to use.

A blonde haired foreigner chimed, her finger twirling her hair. "Which part of America is your mother from?"

Nowaki quickly responded. "New York."

The young lady pouted. "I was so sure you were from the South, something about you screams Louisiana."

"No, no, New York." Nowaki played along. "My father went there for schooling and fell in love with her. Brought her back to Japan to marry her and settle down."

"Oh! How lovely!" Her blue eyes sparkled at the idea of a fairy tale romance. "Do you know many people who interracially date?"

"Not many." Nowaki admitted.

"Ash, we have to go." A red haired girl cut into their conversation before turning to Nowaki. "Sorry, we have to get going. Our tour guide is making her way out of here and we can't afford to get lost."

"No problem." Nowaki smiled.

The blonde haired girl pouted. "Boo. Well, it was a pleasure to speak with you." She did a hasty bow before running off with her friend to catch up with their group.

Nowaki waved at them as his coworkers relegated him with compliments over his passable English. His lack of hesitation and nervousness made him appear polished even though some of the words came out accented.

One of his coworkers asked. "What was she asking you, Wa-chan?"

Nowaki turned to him with a teasing smile. "Something about guessing where I could possibly be from."

"Wait...I thought you didn't know?"

Nowaki shrugged his shoulders. "I assume one of my parents is a foreigner. I didn't get these blue eyes out of nowhere you know."

During their small party, Nowaki played along with his various bosses using his refreshing and calm persona. An attitude which brought positive results to his spotless work record. Through watching charming individuals maneuver themselves through life, Nowaki implemented certain tactics that didn't drain him at the end of the day.

He was reliable, but distant. People knew him enough to place their trust into him. His open line of communication garnered him secrets that could ruin his bosses or detestable coworkers. At any point in time, he could implant evidence to get rid of the more headache inducing workers. He managed to get rid of a handful of people through submitting anonymous tips with evidence. There was no use sending in tips when those were discarded due to baseless rumors. He got rid of those who aggravated him without hesitation.

Whenever someone confessed their love to him, he turned them down gently. Doubtful of their affections toward him. Throughout his life, he was seen as a pitiful boy, abandoned because of his unknown heritage and blue eyes. He had good reason to not believe these people. His thoughts were proven right when not too long after, he saw these people in the arms of another person. It took everything in himself to hold back the resentment when he witnessed their fleeting love.

His feelings for these people were neutral. Almost detached to a point where he shouldn't have felt anything for their quick progression into wanting someone else. He lost nothing in having been a fancy for someone who moved on. This happened far more often than he wanted to admit.

Deep inside of his heart, was a boy who wanted to love and be loved.

The true needy Nowaki who yearned for more remained locked inside of his heart. Closed away from being hurt again.

Sipping his iced tea, since he was still underage to drink beer, Nowaki nodded in certain intervals to what his bosses said. Nonsensical topics of no interest, but solid advice for Nowaki to use in later job opportunities.

One of his bosses brought a rocket launcher to add more excitement to their get together. Nowaki didn't mind using it to give himself a break away from listening to old men's talk. He did find the toy an exciting thing to do. He never had the newest toy growing up. The boys shared the toys throughout various age groups. For the most part, the roudier boys destroyed them before Nowaki got the idea to play with them.

Shaking his thoughts away from his upbringing, Nowaki played alongside one of the younger bosses who brought along the rocket. Thrilled at the fact that his idea of bringing this rocket was a success. Then, another boss jumped into the fray, wanting his turn to fly the rocket.

His usage caused the rocket to fly off course.

One of his bosses cringed as he scratched the back of his beck. "My apologies, Wa-chan, I didn't position the base straight."

Nowaki pushed down his ire enough to say. "It's no issue. I'll go get it." Turning around, he rushed past the picnic area and heard the men crack up in laughter. Nowaki breathed through his nose and concentrated on looking for the rocket.

He made his way through a large set of bushes and saw the rocket in between the legs of a young man. Readying himself to apologize for the trouble, Nowaki looked at the man and his world stopped.

For the first time in Nowaki's life, his heart sped up and emotions prickled in the middle of his chest. He was sure it was infatuation or maybe even love. What else could it be? He never felt it before. He was certain these feelings were similar to the comments his acquaintances yammered about when they fell in love.

The sight of this brown haired man, his face streaked with tears, tugged at his heartstrings. He wanted nothing more than to wipe away his tears and to bring a smile to this stranger's face. To be the one to bring this person back from his brink of anguish.

Without thinking, he grasped this stranger's hand and pulled him toward the get together. Peering behind him, the man wiped his tears, and attempted to take his hand back. Nowaki tightened his grip even harder.

He wasn't letting go of this fascinating creature until he found out his name.

Keeping a distance from Kamijou Hiroki, Nowaki tried keeping his footsteps from making noise. His cheap shoes were on the brink of disrepair, making them squeak terribly. During the afternoon, the surrounding noise of daily life kept him from being discovered. This way, he could discover more about Hiroki before the man was gone from his life.

Damn him for not jumping at the chance at tutoring. His bosses pushed him to the forefront, exposing his journey to finish his high school education and to take his entrance exams for university. Their well meaning pushing was his opening to spend more time with Hiroki. In his usual persona, he denied the help, not wanting to inconvenience Hiroki.

And Hiroki took his word and face value to continue day drinking.

His bosses connected with Hiroki, bringing out a more jovial man who kept up with the older men. Nowaki, underage and unable to participate, watched in fascination as Hiroki opened up. The earlier sadness was gone from his honey brown eyes. A happy go lucky man with a quick wit stayed in his place. He was far more beautiful when he wasn't upset.

"Hey!" Hiroki looked over his shoulder. "Who the-" He turned all the way around with furrowed brows. "You? Wait." He patted down his sides and found nothing missing. "What do you want?"

Nowaki managed to control himself before he uttered out loud. "I changed my mind, I want you to tutor me. Please, tutor me, Kamijou-san."

Hiroki uttered out. "What?"

Nowaki regained more semblance of his emotions before he smiled. Smiling even bigger to emphasize the dimples on his face. He worded out his intentions in returning to school, framing his words as though he tried every method to complete his education. There was a time when he wanted to return to school, but life got a hold of him, diverting his attention onto keeping himself afloat. Balancing education and multiple jobs sounded like a nightmare.

Hiroki listened on with a contemplative look on his face. The earlier buzz from earlier was gone during his walk back home or wherever he was going. Nowaki was certain Hiroki never told the group where he was going after the party ended. Hiroki didn't have an obligation to let them know of his location after making their acquaintance.

Hiroki answered. "Fine. I'll tutor you. Just know that it's what we're doing together. Nothing else. Got that?"

Nowaki nodded his head. "Yes." He took out a mini notepad from his pocket, asking with the biggest grin. "I'm going to need your phone number." Hiroki furrowed his eyebrows. "I left my phone back home, I'll call you in the afternoon."

Hiroki took the notebook, writing down his information as he commented. "Why didn't you say yes at the party?"

Nowaki confessed. "Embarrassment? Um...not wanting to be an inconvenience?"

"Well, that stops now." Hiroki handed Nowaki back his notebook. "I am a big supporter of education and I will be damned if someone doesn't try everything in their power to elevate themselves."

Nowaki insisted. "Don't worry. I will do everything in my power to not waste your time."

Hiroki snorted. "We'll see. Anyways, I'll be working on a paper so if I don't answer just leave a message."

"Sure!" Nowaki waved goodbye as Hiroki walked away from him.

Nowaki's smile lowered down to a grimace.

He couldn't mess up this chance in keeping this man in his life.

TBC