Love and Bondage
Uhura spent another sleepless night after Sulu had dropped her off at her door. Now that Uhura was married to Spock and back home on the Enterprise she couldn't stop thinking about him. What did she want from Spock? She could admit she had been infatuated with him in the past but she had never dared hope she could have him. He was Spock! He was a cold-hearted Vulcan alien who didn't notice women no matter how cute they might be. He treated Nurse Chapel like she was a nuisance. He was friends with the Captain and the Doctor but even with them, he was still standoffish. He kept his secrets close to his vest.
So Uhura never dreamed Spock would be attracted to someone like her. She was loud, brash, emotional, playful, and sassy. She liked to flirt with him and tease him because he was immune to her charms. He wouldn't make a play for her. He was safe. Or so she thought. She thought he would not be tempted by her and she thought she would not be tempted by him.
Boy was she wrong. When she realized she was falling in love with him after the Gorn Ball, she shut that down. She did not want her heart broken by Mr. Spock, not when he wouldn't even know he had done it. She didn't want to be a nuisance like Christine. She and Spock had developed a fairly strong relationship and she didn't want to do anything that would jeopardize that friendship. She still didn't. He was the best man she had ever known and she did not want to lose him.
Romances were risky and if their marriage didn't work out and they broke up, how would they continue working with one another? Would they be able to remain friends after all they've been through in the past few weeks?
Uhura didn't think so. Not now when her heart was becoming engaged. And what about this katra business? She was bound to Spock until she died or So T'Pau said. They were for all intents and purposes, soul mates. Whoever invented that term probably had no idea that the concept could really happen. How did two beings share a soul? She had part of Spock, but did he have part of her too? He must if he could feed her back her own memories right? It was all so confusing. She said she would try to make things work with Spock but what did that mean? Love?
She could easily let herself fall in love with Spock but then what? Could they live happily ever after? Would they live on the ship as husband and wife? Did she follow his lead while they shared their lives like Sarek and Amanda? Where did that place her in the grand schemes of things? Could she be his wife, mother of his children, the matriarch of his clan and be happy? What about her career? What about her plans for her future? She was supposed to be a captain and have her own ship. What about that?
Uhura could barely sleep with all the questions flying around in her mind. She was scared. Life just got so real so fast. This was big girl type problems, and she had to work them out all alone. She hadn't told her family about this marriage yet. Who could she tell? Her parents? Her brothers? They would have a million questions and she didn't have any answers. She had Amanda and Amanda had been through this but Amanda was living with rose colored glasses on. She worshiped Sarek and Vulcans. She was more like Christine. Madly and blindly I love. Amanda's life was Sarek and Spock. But Uhura had her own life, and friends, and family, and a career, she had that thirst for adventure and knowledge that drove people like her to the stars. She couldn't be content to live on Vulcan and put up with that petty nonsense and clan politics.
Uhura hugged her pillow and cried in frustration. Everything was easier when it was just 'I' and 'me', now that it's 'us' and 'we' and I'm a mess.
/*-/*-/
Nyota had requested that Spock give her some time and space to deal with their new circumstances and Spock was trying his best to comply with those wishes. She didn't want anything to change and he understood that to some extent. Once their relationship was announced she could not go back to being simply Lieutenant Uhura. He knew this from personal experience. Once people had learned he was Sarek's son he was treated differently. It was subtle but he recognized it, even from his closest friends like Jim and McCoy.
Nyota didn't seem to care about his wealth or social status on Vulcan and that pleased him greatly, but others would care. He wanted to protect her from the danger that being associated with him would bring. As his wife, she would be a target of those who disapproved of Vulcans.
And he was certain there we those on the ship who would give her trouble just for marrying him, mainly Nurse chapel. Spock had never had any feelings for the nurse but she had persisted in her pursuit of him. He had watched her in the rec room the other night as she stared at Uhura. She was going to be trouble, he just knew it. But he didn't dare approach her. Any engagement with her would be misconstrued as interest at best and at worst, she would become suspicious of his relationship with Uhura. So he had to sit back and watch and wait. He would protect his wife whether she knew she needed protecting or not.