She who is Spock's Wife!

Uhura felt like crap. She never meant to hurt Spock, she'd only meant to teach him a little lesson about messing with her. He was supposed to duck! Instead, he knocked his nose right into her fist. And though a large part of her felt awful about it, a tiny part felt some slight victory. Take that you man you.

"Don't beat yourself up about it Ny. You might hurt yourself," Sulu teased as he worked on a painting in his cabin.

"Oh, do shut up! This is all your fault anyway."

"My fault? How is any of this my fault?"

"It was your idea to spar. I would have been happy with some chocolate ice cream and sad movies."

"Pssh. It was fun and you know it. Nobody forced you to spar. Nobody forced you to lose it and punch Spock's face in."

"It was an accident! He should have ducked!"

"Ok girl, ok. I'm sure if you apologize and offer to kiss his boo-boo he'll forgive you."

"I'll apologize, but I'm not kissing anything of his. He's lucky his nose is all that I broke."

"Since when did you become so bloodthirsty?" Sulu asked alarmed.

"Since I married a Vulcan!"

"Nyota are you sure you're okay? this isn't like you."

"I wish people would stop asking me that. I'm fine, damn it!"

"Well, when you state it like that..."

"Oh, hush. No, I'm not fine ok I'm tired, I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't think straight. This whole experience has been surreal and its all because of Spock."

"Okay, I get it."

"No, you don't. I'm sorry I lashed out. Something is bothering me but I just need time to work it out on my own. But being with good friends like you helps, Hik."

"Aww. You know all your friends have your back. We just want you to be happy."

"I want to be happy too."

"And I think you need to talk to Spock and clear the air between the two of you."

"I'm not ready to make nice with Spock. He's deceived me, He's lied by omission and he seems just fine with it. You can't have a relationship built on secrets and lies."

"I agree. But Mr. Spock doesn't lie. If anything he's honest to a fault."

"Maybe he doesn't mean to lie but think of all the secrets he's been keeping. He had a wife, he kidnapped Pike and stole the ship, his father is the Vulcan ambassador, and his grandmother is the head of state on Vulcan. And don't get me started on all the secrets of Vulcan society."

"All he had to do was tell me the truth. I would have understood. I can't stand being lied to. It hurts Hik."

"Maybe he was afraid."

"Afraid of what? Little ol' me? Besides he's a Vulcan, he doesn't get afraid of anything."

"Everybody has fear. Its how we react to that fear that defines us." Sulu said. "What are you afraid of Ny?"

"Hik I can't deal with Spock right now. I said I would try but it's too much too fast."

"Alright. But you're going to have to face him sooner or later. Word is spreading about your fight and how long before Christine lets something slip?"

"If Christine knows what's good for her she'll keep her mouth shut. She violated my privacy. And I'll deal with Spock later. He'll be fine anyway. He always lands on his feet."

"Now you sound like Dr. Mccoy. Spock isn't superman you know. He has feelings too."

"Well, he does his best to keep them to himself. I just wish I knew how he felt. What does he want from me?"

"Only Spock knows."

"What if he doesn't want me? What if—"

"What if what?"

"Nothing." She said shutting down.

Sulu shook his head. "You know he used to smile all the time," Sulu said.

"Spock?" Uhura didn't believe it.

"Mmm hmm all the time."

"When? I've never seen anything but his arrogant smirk when he's one-upped McCoy or some other lackwit on the bridge."

"Back when Pike was captain when he first took Spock under his wing. Spock was much younger then, he had a baby face if you could believe it."

"I don't believe it, he seems the type that is born with a frown and a bad attitude. 'Miss Uhura,' she mocked, 'Vulcan has no moon.'"

"Maybe I have a halo-pic, let me see-"

Sulu looked through his archives on his console.

"See here..."

Uhura looked into the eyes of a much younger and more gangly built Spock and caught her breath. He did indeed have a baby face, he looked fresh off the forge she mused.

And he was smiling. It was a strange sensation to see him like that. It felt wrong. Spock was not an unemotional being, she knew, but seeing him actively emoting was unnerving. It made her heart ache for the young man he was trying to be.

It reminded her once again how alien he was and how much of a fish out of water he must have felt back then. Seeing Spock's smile was like seeing a cat wearing clothing. Another example of humans imposing their will on others to make themselves feel better.

"He tried hard to fit in back then," Sulu said, "he smiled, he even joked a little. But after a while under Capt. Pike he gave it up, gradually grew out of it I guess and became more like the man he is today. I don't know, we were all younger then trying to be like Pike."

"You looked very handsome, very dashing," Nyota said noting Hikaru in his blue uniform. She had forgotten he had started in the sciences. "I wish I had known him back then."

"Why? would it make any difference in how you treat him, how you feel about him now?"

"I don't know... I guess... I don't know. THAT Spock," she pointed to the pic, "seems so much more approachable than present Spock, like the difference between here and that mirror world Spock."

"He is not really that different now, he is more like his true self I would say. He was awkward back then, he didn't know where he fit into our human world. Now he has found where he feels he belongs, where he can relate to us on his own terms."

"But I can't relate to him," Nyota said frustrated.

"Have you really tried? I mean I know you've slept with him-"

Uhura gave him a dirty look "- But have you tried just talking to the man without getting angry or defensive? You two have so much in common already, and before the surprise marriage, you were almost inseparable. Surely you must understand him a little by now?"

"I didn't realize you cared so much about Spock," she said getting defensive.

"I don't really, not beyond mutual respect as a colleague. You, Capt. Kirk, and Dr. McCoy were always his closest acquaintances on board."

"Really? I mean we're just colleagues, he's been a teacher to me, and even a healer. I thought at one time there may be something more to it, but then he ghosted me. I feel like I never really knew him at all. And then you tell me apparently, we've been in a "relationship" all this time?"

"Well maybe if you'd spent less time flirting and teasing and more time paying attention to his intentions-"

"Like you weren't doing the same, trying to impress him, that is. Showing off your knowledge of history and strategy. Everybody tries to impress Spock, he inspires that in people. I always wanted to be a better human because of him."

"Mr. Spock does have that effect on people, makes you want to think more logically and be better at your job."

"What would you have done if he had snatched you off the ship instead of me?"

"My dear that doesn't bear repeating to such tender young ears he teased."

"oh, you!" she tossed a pillow at him.

"And what about Scotty? Would he just go along with marring his commander?"

"Mr. Scott is a hopeless romantic in love with the ladies, but if YOU had been doing the snatching he'd go right along with it. Spock would need to bribe Scotty with some of that secret Vulcan engineering technology people are always whispering about in order to persuade the Scotsman."

"There's no secret Vulcan technology Uhura pshawed."

"Are you sure? they reached earth a long time before we knew about them and what about Romulans, how did they branch off from Vulcan if not through space travel long before we were capable of leaving our own solar system? You cant tell me a race of people with super memory and processing speed don't have superior technology hidden away from us little brain barbarians."

"But Vulcans don't chase technology for tech sake as we do, even now the Federation is leading in warp drive research, we've surpassed their warp drive technology many times over."

"Have we? Or is that just what they want us to think? Vulcans keep their cards close to their vest as you well know. Besides, there's more to technology than warp drives."

"Sulu always the strategist. Vulcan is an ally, a founding member of the Federation, they don't have any reason to hide technology from us."

"They don't? You don't think there are people who still mistrust Vulcans even after all this time? Our own proves there is a faction out there, doesn't he? And what about that incident at Murasaki 312 where everyone turned on Spock?"

Uhura didn't like to think about that incident, she could tell that Spock had been disturbed by it though he would never show it. "Stiles was proven wrong," she said. "And there will always be people who go unhinged under pressure on a mission. Those are just incidents, not the norm."

"So? there are millions more Stiles' out there waiting to get their voices heard. Don't kid yourself Nyota, there is still prejudice in the federation. And not just against Vulcans, against the Klingon, the Romulans, the Orions, any race not human."

"But those other races are our enemies."

"So? Should we hate them whole-cloth? And they may be our COMPETITION but are they our enemies? Don't we have room for mutual respect?"

"Why does it seem the world is suddenly a big ol' scary place with landmines everywhere I step?" Uhura said sitting back on Sulu's little sofa. "I've been in tighter situations than this but why does a relationship with Spock scare the heck out of me? And now I'm in an inter-species relationship where one or both of our peoples hate or distrust the other? Why me?"

"Why not you? Because you're you." He said continuing to paint.

"Seriously would you marry Spock or someone of a different culture knowing what you know?"

"Me? Uh no, Spock and I would not suit. He's not my type."

"No, I guess not, you're both too much alike," Uhura said thoughtfully.

"Why, thank you... I think."

"Don't worry it was a compliment. You're right you wouldn't suit though. Spock needs somebody to loosen him up not encourage him to be more Vulcan."

"You mean somebody like you?"

"No, not me per-se but somebody, you know, happy, warm, fun."

"Hmmm you don't say, but not you?"

"No. He should have grabbed Christine, she is the one madly in love with him. I still can't figure out why he chose me, why me? Why not Christine for god's sake!?"

"Christine? You would seriously do that to Spock. Besides they wouldn't suit at all, he barely acknowledges her except on a professional level. Any other time she hovers around like a hawk waiting for him to slip up. And as you say if he wanted her he could have had her or any other of the admirers he has on the ship any time he wants. But he didn't want anybody else."

"See that's what I mean, if it had to be a colleague why not one who at least has shown interest?"

Sulu snorted, "Don't act as if you've never shown any interest!"

"That was just innocent flirting it wasn't serious!"

"To you, it may not have been serious but obviously, it was different for Spock."

"But don't you see, how could I have not known that? Never mind he's Mr. Spock he wrote the book on being unreadable."

"You, Nyota, have a blind spot when it comes to Mr. Spock. Anyone who had any notion of his personality could see that he had a thing for you."

"What? A thing? Mr. Spock didn't have 'a thing' for me? Now you're talking crazy Sulu, stop trying to see romance where there isn't any."

"Crazy? Really? Just who besides you and maybe the captain spends so much time with ? Who besides you does he go out of the way to assist on projects unrelated to his field? Who besides you does he tutor in the Vulcan language, and the Vulcan harp, and Vulcan philosophy, and Vulcan cuisine?" Sulu ticked off on his fingers. "Who besides you does he rush to whenever the ship is tossing us around like ping pong balls? He gets to you first, even before he checks the captain-"

"We sit next to each other!" Uhura cut in.

"And" Sulu continued, "who spent hours of his free time probing your mind for memories to help re-educate you after Nomad attacked you? Why did you think he was doing all that if he didn't have 'a thing' for you? Teaching you his language, his culture, sharing his hobbies? A lot of people would see that as courting."

"But he was just being nice!"

"He's a man, we're not that nice! A man, any man, even a Vulcan one would have certain expectations given the circumstances. It's only logical if you think about it."

"Ok, then why didn't he say anything to me? Me, the one who's apparently been courted by Commander Spock for the better part of a 5-year mission! So much heartache could have been avoided."

"Maybe he thought you knew; I mean in hindsight it's pretty obvious he was grooming you for something. Or maybe he was leading up to making a formal declaration, or maybe you should be asking him these questions instead of me?"

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"I'm not talking to him right now."

"Why not?"

"I don't know, he's got my head all mixed up, I can't be around him without feeling..." she couldn't articulate how she felt about Spock. She didn't dare tell Sulu about the dreams she was having or the fantasies of her and Spock...

"You've got it, bad girl, that is why."

"No!"

"Yup, you're in love with Mr. Spock." Sulu laughed.

"I am not, we're just friends!" Nyota said as if he had just accused her of having cooties.

"Married friends?"

She didn't like this one bit. How did she end up married to Spock! She cried tears of frustration.

"Oh Nyota," Sulu stopped his painting and sat beside her to hug and pat her back.

"I don't want to love Spock. I can't. I'm done with that. I don't want to be another Christine acting all dopey, stalking him, fawning all over him, throwing myself at him."

"Then don't act that way, you never have before."

"That's right, cause every time I let myself be vulnerable I get my heart kicked in. I'm not in love and I'm not going to be."

"If you say so." Sulu placated her.

"I'm not," she denied. "I refuse to be like Miss Amanda chasing after his royal aloofness. I don't want to be announced as Mrs. Spock or she who is his wife. I'm not walking behind him wherever we go. I want to be Lieutenant Nyota Uhura, an officer in my own right."

"Can't you be both?"

"I don't know." Uhura whispered, "I honestly don't know."