Couple Trouble

"My Lady, T'Pau is calling for you."

Amanda dropped her stylus and rolled her eyes. T'Pau always felt the need to interpret her during her working hours as if she didn't have a care in the world. She was supposed to just drop everything and respond. Granted T'Pau was her mother in law and granted she was the leader of the world, but still couldn't she ever call Amanda after working hours, or better yet never? T'Pau calling never boded well.

"Thank you T'Rel, I will take it here at my desk," Amanda said to her assistant.

T'Rel left and Amanda took a deep calming breath before she activated the viewer on her desk.

"Mother, it is agreeable to see you. How may I serve?"

"It is agreeable to see you Daughter. You honor me with your service. I call about a family matter."

"Family?" Amanda had a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. Family business could wait until after work hours, unless...

"It concerns thy son," T'Pau said

"Is Spock alright, has he been injured or..."

"He is alive if that is what you ask. Whether he is 'right' is a matter of some contention."

"What do you mean?"

"Thy son has been in an altercation on Argelius"

"An altercation? what sort of altercation? He is supposed to be on leave with Nyota."

"Yes, he was with his wife. They were involved in a 'skirmish' at an establishment of ill repute." T'Pau said.

"I beg your pardon Mother? Did you say a skirmish?"

"Yes."

"Do you mean a fight?"

"Yes."

"And at an establishment of ill repute? Argelius is known for their rather uh, licentious behavior but it is their culture Mother."

"Argelian culture is not my concern. Thy son's behavior is. I have been informed by the Argelian government that a Vulcan citizen has broken the law and they wish to know how to handle it."

"But Mother why would they contact you? Surely a Vulcan citizen committing a crime is no reason to contact the head of all Vulcan? Argelians are lackadaisical but surely they have their own judicial system?"

"It becomes a concern when the citizens are my grandson and his new wife."

"Nyota and Spock committed a crime?" Amanda could not believe it. She thought Nyota was a nice girl.

"They incited a riot."

"No!" Amanda exclaimed.

T'Pau ignored Amanda's outburst and continued. "They were wanted for questioning but my staff has arranged for them to pay a very large fine and the matter will be resolved quietly. You will speak to the child. He must be more circumspect. He is the heir." T'Pau needlessly reminded Amanda.

"Of course Mother. I apologize for any inconvenience this has caused you and your staff."

"Your apology is unnecessary. Spock will make appropriate amends."

"Yes, Mother, I'll see to it right away."

T'Pau cut the line without further comment and Amanda sat dumbfounded for a moment longer and then she opened the day's correspondence on her terminal. T'Paus office had sent her several missives. She opened the first to see the news report of the 'riot'. An off-world couple had created a disturbance in an Argelian brothel!

A Vulcan male and a humanoid female were wanted for questioning. There as a grainy surveillance video showing the couple as they fled into the foggy night, whereabouts unknown.

"Thank goodness for that fog or else there would be a clear picture of Spock and Nyota," Amanda said. She would know her son's silhouette anywhere and together with Nyota's curvy figure the couple was unmistakable.

The fog obscured them just enough to leave doubt as to their identity, but the Argelians employed offworlders to do their security and administrative work. No doubt there were Vulcan employees who recognized Spock on sight and reported him.

"But what in the world were they doing in a brothel?" Amanda wondered. "And inciting a riot?" Amanda shook her head. What the hell? Spock was only supposed to stay near his wife to solidify their bond. Just what were those two getting up to or into on Argelius?

"My son is a fugitive," Amanda laughed. Sarek would not be pleased but Amanda was tickled. Now that he had a human wife Spock was changing. She remembered their visit on the Enterprise during the Coridan affair. He had been so hell-bent on being ultra Vulcan and doing his duty that he almost let his father die. And now he was brawling in brothels!

That's my boy! Amanda thought gleefully. She couldn't wait until Spock and Nyota came home to visit on Vulcan. Amanda had a feeling they were going to turn their stuffy little society on its ear and she couldn't wait. Nyota had seemed like a sweet young lady during her stay but Amanda had a feeling she was a real firecracker and she was going to give Spock a run for all he was worth.

This was the craziest Shoreleave Uhura had ever been on and that was saying something since her last shore leave consisted of her being kidnapped, bonded, married, and challenged on Vulcan!

The Argelians were a hedonistic sex-obsessed culture. Everything was sex-themed everywhere Uhura looked. The Suite that she was sharing with Spock was basically a setup for sex. The large round bed, the pillows that were strewn everywhere, the curtains that separated the rooms instead of walls or doors, and the mirrors that covered nearly every wall and surface, it was all just a room made for love. As she explored the room in the light of day she discovered belatedly, there were may phallic shaped objects of art all over the room and other questionable objects like handcuffs and whips... Did Spock not notice that or had he simply ignored it?

Spock was still there in the suite observing the entire process. He didn't seem bothered by the decor as he sat crossed legged on the floor of their sitting room and watched as she shopped. The clothier wasted no time in measuring Uhura and fitting her with several ready-made outfits already available for Uhura to choose from. The lady insisted Uhura try them on and model them properly for fit and comfort.

"You must gain your man's approval. He will like, I guarantee. He will buy for you." The clothier said to Uhura with a knowing smile.

"If I like it I will buy for myself," Uhura said. She pointed to a light summer dress. "How many credits is this one?" Uhura asked.

"If you must ask you cannot afford," the clothier said. "This gentleman, he does not ask. He buys."

Uhura glared at Spock. He already had the clothier in his pocket. Of course, Spock probably paid in advanced. The whole thing made her feel as if she were being bought. She could buy her own damn clothes! This was just like that brideprice nonsense on Vulcan. She didn't marry Spock for his money and she didn't need any enticements to stay with him.

Uhura didn't fancy modeling expensive clothing for Spock at first, however now that they were engaged in her favorite pastime, shopping, she couldn't resist trying out just a few pieces. Whoever chose these items knew her style well, there were casual caftans for her to wear when she was just lounging about and there were sexy tight dresses and jumpers for her to wear when she was going out on the town. She tried on so many different outfits she almost felt like a princess in a fairytale and Spock was her prince. But then she had to remind herself, Spock was no Prince Charming, he was more like the Frog Prince. But that was fine, she liked him better that way. In fact, it gave her an idea for a gift for Spock. It was time for her to hit the shopping district and some other tourist spots.

"Madam, I'll take this suit and that black dress and the red caftan. Uhura said to the clothier.

"We'll take them all," Spock said rising from his seat. "Madam, you have my marker?"

"Of course sir, I'll have these finished for you by this evening. Vulcan time, not Argelian," the lady said with a wink and a nod to the notorious Argelian punctuality or lack thereof.

"Spock, I don't need all these clothes."

"Nyota, I have noted that human females constantly complain that they "never have anything to wear. My gift will remedy this affliction for the duration of our leave. In addition, I have inconvenienced you by compelling you to share accommodations. Consider it reparations for my transgressions."

Well, who could argue with that? Nyota could of course, however she decided not to. She liked clothes.

"I'll accept your generous gift under one condition."

"And what is that?"

"That you spend the day with me?"

Spock was taken aback. Nyota actually wanted to be with him?

"Of course, how could I resist such an enticing offer?"

Uhura broke into a mischievous grin. "wait until you see what I have planned before you think it's so enticing."

And that is how Spock ended up spending the day at an Argelian health spa.

He had agreed to follow Nyota's lead and allow her to treat him. So first things first they enjoyed a healthy lunch of native salad greens and exotic fruits. Then they were off to the sauna for a steam. Since the arrived together the staff gave them a couple's package. They shared a private steam room where you were supposed to be naked. However, Spock and Uhura opted for bathing suits. Still, Uhura's suit left nothing to Spock's imagination. Argelians's idea of a bathing suit consisted of little more than a few pieces of string holding small scraps of fabric together to cover supposedly private areas. Spock's own suit was what Nyota jokingly called a "banana hammock." Spock as not shy or self-conscious about his body but he was very grateful that their sauna was private.

"This steam is going to wreck my hair," Uhura said as she lounged on a bench. But my skin will be glowing. And this is what we're on leave for, relaxation."

"I am pleased that you are relaxing."

"You don't sound pleased. Don't you like steam?"

"It is more pleasant for you than it is for me. I am more used to a drier environment."

"Me too, I'm from Nairobi. We don't get much by way of humidity either even during the cool season."

"You rarely speak of your home."

"Maybe because you never asked. Mr. Spock, did it ever occur to you that we humans are as proud of Earth as you are of Vulcan?"

"It occurs to me every hour of every day. Starfleet and the Federation are quite Earth-centric."

"Well, perhaps that's because the Vulcans and other member planets refuse to join up in Starfleet in any significant numbers."

"Or perhaps it is because the other member planets have their own exploration fleets? Earth is young and relatively new to space travel. Vulcan and the other founding members have been traveling and trading with their neighboring systems for many generations." Spock said.

"That might be the case, however, how are we ever going to become a more integrated society if everyone keeps to their own world and their own fleet? Starfleet is supposed to be a joint venture of ALL member planets to explore new worlds together. I doubt there is more than a handful of Vulcans in all of Starfleet. And the Tellerites? They flat out refuse to join."

"It is the Tellarite nature to be disagreeable for the sake of disagreement."

"True. Now the Andorians are much more pleasant."

"You think Andorians are pleasant?" Spock said in surprise. Of course, there was no mutual admiration between Andorians and Vulcans.

"Sure, and handsome too," She teased.

"I have observed you have questionable taste in men."

"Sure I do, I like you don't I?" She joked.

Spock was silent.

"Let's not get all serious," Uhura said When Spock didn't reply to her comment. "Today is Spa day. After this, we'll have a message and then a mani/pedi and then I'm off to the hair salon. You should get a trim yourself."

"My hair is fine."

"I know its fine, but just for today try something new, let me treat you," Uhura said.

"If you wish," Spock said.

"I do. You know Sarek is quite handsome." Uhura said suddenly.

"Why do you mention my Father?" Spock asked suspiciously.

"I'm just thinking his hair has a bit of wave to it. You'd look handsome with a little body wave in your hair."

"No," Spock said with finality.

"Or how about a little goatee? Did I ever tell you-"

"If you are going to tell me about my counterpart in the mirror universe again, need I remind you he was a vicious fiend?"

"He as not! He was very handsome and just a little rakish, I guess you could say."

"You reported that he tortured Mr. Kyle." Spock reminded her. "And the captain said he put Checkov in an agonizer booth. I find that more than 'a little rakish'."

"Checkov had that coming to him," Uhura said. "He tried to assassinate the Captain. Besides, that's the way their world was. We can't judge them by our standards. And the captain said that the other Mr. Spock was as logical and as honorable as you are."

"I question the logic of their Empire and anyone who goes along with it."

"I'm surprised at your attitude towards our counterparts. Especially since I heard you got a little up close and personal with the other me," Uhura said.

"I am not certain what you mean by that."

"I heard from Sulu who heard it from Mr. Kyle that you kissed me or rather that other me, while we were switched."

"Ah," Spock said nodding.

"That's all you have to say for yourself, Mister?"

"You, that is, the other Uhura did indeed kiss me," Spock confirmed.

"And?"

"And it was just an innocent kiss."

"There is no such thing as an innocent kiss."

"Is that so?"

"Of course, when you kiss someone it means something." Uhura protested.

"You've kissed me several times," Spock reminded her. "What did it mean?"

Uhura sighed, "...What do you get when you kiss a guy?

You get enough germs to catch pneumonia..." She sang.

"That was a rather inelegant deflection. Are you suggesting your intent in kissing me was to 'catch pneumonia'?"

"Spock, it's just a song. I kissed you because it felt like the right thing to do at the time. I was being an illogical human woman."

"I agree with your assessment."

Uhura laughed. "Did I just win that argument or did you just insult me?"

"Neither."

Uhura laughed louder.

/*-/*-/

The 'couple massage' was another awkward affair. Uhura had massages frequently on the enterprise, not quite so as invasive as the one on Argelius, but she was sill prepared for it. Apparently, Spock had never taken advantage of the Enterprises spa facilities. Even with his shields up, Uhura could sense Spock was uncomfortable. That and his masseuse kept tsking and digging her elbows into his shoulders in an attempt to loosen him up.

"Mr. Spock, try to relax and enjoy. How often do you get to have a beautiful woman rubbing your body?"

"Not often. However, that duty is reserved for another," he said from his adjoining table.

"Who, I wonder?"

"My wife, of course," Spock answered.

"So you'd like to have your wife rub you down?" Uhura teased.

"If that was her desire."

"Oh, so she'd have to want to rub you. You wouldn't ask her for it?"

"I would not be so presumptuous."

"My grandma always said if you don't ask you don't get. So I guess you are never gonna get it."

"A pity. And what about you?"

"What about me? I'm not shy, I don't mind having a handsome man rub me down from time to time. It feels good." Uhura nearly burst into laughter when Spock actually frowned in disapproval.

"I fail to see the value or purpose of letting another male touch you intimately."

"This is not intimate, it's therapeutic."

"I see no therapeutic value in watching someone massage you."

"Don't be such a spoilsport. Humans actually need touch, we thrive on it. There is such a thing as being starved of human affection."

"Vulcans do not suffer that affliction. In fact, any skin to skin contact is considered intimate."

"Oh," Uhura said with disappointment and sat up from the table. "I'm sorry Spock. I hadn't thought of it that way. I guess I just touch you so casually I hadn't thought of it as being intimate. I've overstepped your boundaries again. If this is violating you your sense of propriety we can go."

"No. If you enjoy having this handsome man massage you, then by all means, do not let me stop you," Spock said sitting up on the side of the table as well.

"I was just teasing you. It doesn't matter who rubs me... scratch that, it didn't come out right. I mean, I enjoy a massage but it doesn't have to be this guy," She pointed over her shoulder to a very handsome Argelian man. "Do you want to switch? I'll take the girl and you can have my masseuse," Uhura said.

"Oh Yes! I'm game," Uhura's masseuse said while he licked his lips.

Uhura noted the way he was eyeing Spock and suddenly she decided they had had enough relaxation for one day.

"On second thought," she said, "let's go get lunch." She grabbed her robe and made sure to keep her eye on her masseuse. He looked utterly disappointed when Spock donned his own robe. She did sympathize with the masseuse though, Spock was rocking that speedo.

/*-/*-/