Yeah, this is a longer chapter than I usually write but I didn't want to break the flow. I hope you like it. Please leave comments :-)

The Facts of Life

Uhura and Spock were dancing like Argelians, Uhura has her arms wrapped tight around Spock's neck and he had his hands press firmly against the bare skin of her back. They swayed slowly to the music that was blasting from the loudspeakers in the club and ignored everything and everyone else around them.

Uhura felt Spock's hands slide down lower and lower until he had cupped her ass and lifted her off her feet. She kissed him, marking him as her man for all the world to see. Fuck Leila! She thought as she ground her body into Spocks.

"I would prefer not to," Spock said to her in her mind.

"Oh, you can read my mind?" She asked after breaking the kiss.

"I cannot read your mind precisely, but I can sense some thoughts."

Uhura sported a devilish grin, "what am I thinking right now?"

"I cannot say for certain, perhaps a demonstration is in order?" Spock said.

"Let's go!" Uhura said breathlessly and Spock scooped her up into his arms and carried her through the club.

"Spock, hurry!" Uhura said as they fought their way through the crowded club. It seems that it was impossible for Spock to make progress getting her to the door.

"Spock!"

Uhura sat up in her bed, panicked. She looked around and realized she was safe and sound in her quarters. Alone. Her heart was pounding and she was drenched in perspiration. This had to end. She couldn't continue losing sleep like this.

Uhura had never been the kind of person who had a difficult time getting to sleep at night. She valued her beauty rest so much that she felt guilty when she had to work double duty on the bridge and had to miss her precious shut-eye. She used to be the kind of person who fell asleep as soon as her head hit her bunk. But lately, she found herself having a prolonged case of insomnia. Well, she could fall asleep but it was always interrupted by disturbing dreams that kept her awake half the night.

Since returning from her shore leave on Argelius, she found herself waking up in a cold sweat and aching for something she could not put a name to, or perhaps more precisely someone she didn't want to put a name to. She was beginning to realize just how difficult it was going to be avoiding a certain Vulcan officer and how unsettling it was to be separated from him.

He seemed so unavoidable. Uhura was beginning to question where her mind ended and where Spock's began since she learned that he could mind-speak to her. She even imagined she could hear him sometimes. Was he lurking somewhere in the back of her thoughts just watching, observing, and waiting? And then she felt foolish and chucked it all up to her overactive imagination.

Amanda had assured her that Spock could not violate her private thoughts in any way, katra or no katra, but still she wondered; after all, Amanda and Sarek didn't share each other's katra, they didn't have the same Pon Farr experience she and Spock had shared. When Nyota had told Amanda about it she seemed to believe her but Sarek was skeptical that she and Spock could share dreams or delusions such as they had. But whatever the truth was, she was suffering now.

If she couldn't sleep she might as well get a jump on the day. She got up, made her bed, showered and dressed in her casual clothing. It was actually not that late so she headed for the rec room near the engineering section. That was usually deserted this time of the day and she had a better chance of avoiding Christine, Sulu, and especially Spock.

She was nursing her second large cup of black coffee in the mess and propping her head up on her hand when she was joined by Lt. Masters who was sipping on her own steaming cup.

"Where have you been hiding stranger?" Charlene asked sitting across from her.

"What? Oh, hi Charlene, how have you been?"

"I'm in ship shape, but you don't seem to hot. A lot of us in engineering have been worried about you girl. We haven't seen you below decks pestering Scotty, haven't seen you in the gym working out with Sulu, and haven't seen you at talent night singing with Mr. Spock. You just ghosted us. What are you doing after your shifts, hiding in your quarters, or should I say hiding in a certain commander's quarters?" Charlene raised both eyebrows theatrically.

"Charlene you know better than to believe in the rumor mill. There is nothing going on between me and Mr. Spock right now."

"See that 'right now' proves there is definitely something going on between the two of you, just not 'right now'. You two used to be as thick as thieves a few weeks ago and now suddenly you ignore each other in public, you stopped playing and singing together in the rec, you don't tuck yourselves away in a corner and talk for hours like you used to, and you both pretend there is nothing 'going on' when everybody knows better. That all leads to the conclusion that there is indeed something going on. You might as well spill the beans and get it all out in the open as opposed to the ship's gossips who have already blown it all out of proportions."

"Charlene I wish you would drop it. I am in no mood to discuss Mr. Spock or anything else to do with him at the moment. In fact, all I want to do is curl up in my bed and sleep for a week."

"Well I hate to say it but you do look a hot mess, that's how I know something's going on with you. Look, you don't have to tell me all the sordid details, but you know you can talk to me if you need a shoulder to cry on. I know you can't talk to Chris about it since it has something to do with Commander Spock and you seem to be giving Sulu the cold shoulder lately too. But you still have me, and sometimes just talking helps, you know? Especially after Riley." Charlene said with a disgusted tone at the mention of Noyto's ex. "Girl, don't let these men get you down. We female astronauts have to stick together. For all the progress we've made it is still a male-dominated service."

"Thanks, Charlene. I know you mean well and I wish I could tell you what's going on but I don't understand it all myself, I'm just out of sorts. Lately, I can't tell dream from reality, I can't eat, and I can't even sleep through the night."

"I'm sorry to hear that. Hey, if you're really having trouble eating and sleeping why don't you talk to Dr. McCoy? I'm sure he could give you something to help."

"I would but I don't think it would do any good. I can get to sleep I just can't stay that way, I have strange dreams."

"Then maybe you need to talk to the new ship's counselor."

"Oh, not you too!" Uhura grumbled.

"What?" Charlene asked confused.

"Doctor McCoy already had me on the couch, fat lot of good that did. The thing is Charlene, I don't even know who I can trust anymore. This is about as personal as it can get and everyone who tries to help ends up getting burned."

"And you don't think you can trust the professionals?"

"Not with this, they'd have to take notes and write official diagnosis. This is beyond medicine and science. This is some mystical alien hoodoo... just too much!"

"Girl, you've got it bad."

"Yeah, but what is 'it'?"

"If I didn't know any better I'd say you were lovesick," Charlene said with a knowing grin.

"Bite your tongue, if anything I'm sick of love."

"Come on Ny, you can't eat, can't sleep, can't think straight if you added that you were nauseous I'd even suspect you were pregnant."

"Oh my God!" Uhura gasped and nearly choked on her coffee. She set down her cup with a thud and stared blankly ahead. "No, it can't be that."

"Ny, what is it? Ny?" Charlene shook her friend's shoulder but got no response. "Ny, you're beginning to worry me," she pleaded. When Uhura still didn't reply Charlene stood up and grabbed her by the arm.

"Come on let's go."

Finally, Uhura snapped out of her stupor, "go where?"

"To sickbay," Charlene said pulling her out of the mess and towards the turbo lift.

Uhura stopped them in their tracks. "No! I can't go there, Christine might be on duty. I don't want to deal with her right now."

"Screw Christine, you have a right to the sickbay just like everybody else."

"NO!"

"Nyota please, talk to me, do you think you could be pregnant?" Charlene whispered.

"No, I can't be...I mean I don't think so... I don't know." and she hung her head.

"Oh my god! Is it Spock's?"

"Who else would it be?" Nyota snapped pulling her arm away.

"Nothing going on huh?" Charlene teased.

"Charlene I am not in the mood for jokes."

"Okay, I'm not joking. Let's go." Charlene snagged her again.

Uhura dragged her feet. "I am not going to sickbay."

"We're not going to sickbay."

"Then where are we going?"

"To talk."

"Charlene I can't..."

"Shut up Ny. This has gone far enough. I'm your friend. I'm not gonna let you go through this alone, I already told you we girls have got to stick together. Whatever it is, we will work it out."

They ended up in Uhura's quarters and Charlene made them both a fresh cup of hot tea and then they tucked together side by side on Uhura's small sofa.

"Now spill", Charlene demanded, "and don't you leave out a single drop."

Uhura sighed, she really did want to relieve herself of this burden and she knew she could trust Charlene. Maybe Charlene was the one person she needed at this time, she was more than a friend, she was the sister Uhura had never had.

"I don't know where to start."

"As always, start at the beginning."

"I don't even know where that is. I guess it began on Vulcan... no, it began before that, when Spock got sick on the bridge."

"Yeah, we all heard "officially" that he was sick with some rare Vulcan flu and had to be taken to Vulcan for treatment and that you accompanied him?"

"Yeah, that's not exactly what happened."

"I figured it was so much bullshit. People in the know say that Spock was out of his mind in sickbay after losing control on the bridge, and then he escaped, stole a shuttlecraft and you too?" Charlene ended with a question.

"Well I guess that's what happened technically, I didn't accompany him freely. The whole thing just defies belief. What I'm about to tell you can never leave this room, do you promise? I mean do you swear on all that is holy and sacred to you?" Uhura asked seriously.

"Ny, I swear I won't repeat a word of what you tell me. I've got your back. Now what really happened?"

"Ok, well, first, I guess you could say it has to do with biology."

"Biology?"

"Yes, you see about every seven years or so..."

/*-/*-/

"So," Charlene said finally, "you're either pregnant with Spock's child or you're possessed by Spock's Katra or Vulcan only knows what else?"

"Yep, or I'm just plain crazy, but that sums it up nicely."

"You're right, it defies belief. But I believe you, and you're not crazy, you're stressed. Why don't you talk to Spock about all of this? Clear the air between the two of you."

"I can't, I just don't want to see him right now until I decide what to do. I need to work this all out in my head."

"And what if you really are pregnant?"

Uhura put her head in her hands. "I don't know Charlene, I just don't know. I can barely take care of me," and she began to cry.

"Oh sweetie, I told you no matter what, I will be here for you. Come here and cry, honey it's okay." Charlene held Uhura in her arms and let her cry on her shoulder while she rubbed her back and let Uhura's tears soak through her blue uniform.

What a mess, Charlene thought. She had no problem fixing a fractured dilithium crystal or a ship's wonky engine, but broken hearts were out of her element. Before you could fix something you had to run a diagnostic report to know where it was malfunctioning. Anyone with eyes could see that Ny was crazy for Spock and Spock obviously liked Nyota above all else. So why were they dancing around each other like a pair of hapless kids?

"Ny, what do you want for yourself?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you want to have a baby someday?"

Uhura sniffled. "I don't know, I never really thought about it. I didn't think it was possible."

Charlene looked surprised. Not possible?

"I mean I know biologically it was always a possibility... one day, but I'm an officer on a starship. 'The Starship Enterprise' I don't have room in my life for babies."

"What about Mr. Spock, do you have room in your life for him?"

"I just don't know Charlene. I am so confused. One minute I feel like I want to be with him and the next I can't stand him. Spock and I have always been hot and cold, you know that. First, we were friends, then he ignored me and now we're married but separated. This bonding thing just happened so suddenly."

"Ok, ok I understand that. It seems to me, you've reached a conditional construct. Down one path you have a husband and perhaps a family of your own. Down the other a successful career in Starfleet, perhaps a captaincy but you're alone. You have to look at the end of each path and decide which outcome you prefer. But it won't be easy because each path has rewards and each one has additional conditionals, and each one has sacrifices and rewards."

"That doesn't make it any easier to decide. I'm not a robot, I'm a woman. Why do I even have to decide? Why can't I have it all?" Uhura huffed.

"You mean the career, the husband, the kids, the whole nine yards? In the history of humanity has there ever been a woman who hasn't tried to have it all? No matter what we have, we always manage to find something we don't have and want that too." Charlene said smiling.

"I love being on a starship. I've wanted it all my life and I worked my ass off to get on the Enterprise. But now that I have it, I find myself looking for more too, longing for the things down the path I didn't choose. I envy you for having this choice." Charlene said.

"It's still so much easier for men, they can marry, have children, their families can stay on Earth or on a colony and wait for their tour to end. They don't have to lose years off duty having the child or raising it. They just keep on working. But we have to sacrifice precious career time raising a child when we could be working or vice versa." Uhura said.

"I know Starfleet command is thinking of refitting all galaxy class starships with family crew quarters so families can live on starships together, but who would want to raise a family on a starship? I mean it would solve one problem, that of working mothers, but it would just open a new can of worms, concern for your family's safety. Either way, we women sacrifice."

"There will be more women captains in the ranks soon so I guess we'll just have to wait and see how they manage their career and family life and follow their lead," Charlene said.

"Did I ever tell you about that Halkan mission when we were on that mirror Enterprise?" Uhura asked.

"Yeah, you said it really freaked you out."

"Yes, it did. Did I tell you that Captain Kirk had a woman living in his quarters on that Enterprise?"

"NO!" Charlene said scandalized.

"Yes, an officer. She called herself the "Captains Woman". In fact, I think everyone was shacked up on that Enterprise."

"I can't believe Jim let himself have a woman even in another dimension," Charlene said thoughtfully.

"JIM? Since when are you and the Captain are on a first name basis?"

"Yeah, didn't I ever tell you that we dated back in the day?"

"What?! No! You mean you and 'The Captain Kirk' dated?" Uhura could not believe her ears.

"Mmm hmm, well he wasn't a captain back then."

"No! Now you spill and don't miss a drop."

"Well, it was nothing serious, we were in the academy together. He was a very different guy then. He was serious and bookish really. All he cared about was becoming a ship's captain. But even then he had that reckless side, that part of him that is determined to win no matter what or maybe just more determined never to lose again."

"Really?"

"Yes, you know he had such a hard childhood. Raised by a single mother on that Earth outpost Tarsus. Remember that Kodos incident? That really affected him, seeing innocent people executed before his eyes while he could do nothing but witness it. That's why he takes it so hard when any crewman dies under his command. I mean, of course, he always cares, but that's why he gets so obsessed sometimes."

"I had no idea you two even knew each other besides professionally. You never even said a word."

"It was a long time ago, seems like another lifetime. I only mention it because you said his counterpart has a woman he keeps on the ship. I mean can you imagine Captain James T. Kirk of our Enterprise with a wife? He's married to this ship and that's that, no room for any woman."

"Is that what broke you two up?"

"No, we were both young and ambitious. It just sort of fell apart." Charlene said sadly. "Plus as I said, he was already becoming the man he is today, he quickly moved on and found a replacement for me."

"Mmm hmm, does it still hurt? Especially serving on the same ship?"

"No, not anymore, he's just a guy I used to date."

"Is he the one that got away?"

"Girl, they all got away. Remember Lazarus?"

"Lazarus? That insane traveler from another dimension?"

"Hey, he wasn't that bad, he was only half insane!"

"Don't tell me you had a thing with that guy?" Uhura could not believe the things Charlene was telling her

"Well, he had a certain jen'ais se quoi. But no we didn't, thank goodness. I mean it turned out he was two different people like your mirror universe Spock. There was one charming Lazarus and one insane Lazarus. I would never have known which one I'd slept with."

"Yes, you dodged a bullet. Anybody else I should know about?"

"Hmm let me see, nobody significant. I mean there is DeSalle but-"

"DeSalle? Get out!"

"No, really it's just a 'friends with benefits' thing though."

"Oh my god, he's like only one of the sexiest men on the ship."

"You don't say?" Charlene said grinning.

"You know he is. So why just friends?"

"With benefits, don't forget the benefits. And why do you think, he knows he's sexy, knows he has options, he's not settling down anytime soon."

"So why would you hook up with a player like that?"

"He's not a player. He's actually a good guy, they all are, they just don't want to put a ring on it. At least you've got one that wants to put a ring on it, or whatever it is Vulcans put on you."

"Charlene! I didn't choose any of this. Sometimes it feels like Spock put a curse on me."

"Stop being so dramatic. I'm not trying to guilt you into being with Spock, but at least you are the one with the options. I mean he actually asked you to be his wife, that's more than a lot of us will ever get. The choice is yours."

"That's just too much pressure right now. I'm tired deep down in my soul." Uhura said. "And I still can't believe you had Capt. Kirk and Lieutenant DeSalle. No wonder Desalle wouldn't give me the time of day, I flirted with that man like crazy when he first came aboard, but you already had him in the bag."

"I'm surprised he didn't fall for you, you are just his type."

"And what type is that?"

"Female and breathing," Charlene giggled.

"Stop it. I told you he never even flirted back. He must really like you," Uhura teased.

"Nah, I don't think so, there are just too many beautiful women on this ship for him to settle down with one. Like most career officers, he's trying to make captain one day, he's got no time for romance; besides if it was gonna happen it would have happened by now. You always hear those stories about somebody's life going in one direction until that special someone comes along and turns everything upside down. Kinda like you and Spock." Charlene said slyly. "But a pretty face will turn DeSalle's head like any other man."

"Men are all alike, even Spock", Uhura said ignoring the "special Someone" comment. "You know he had a Vulcan fiancee and a human girlfriend. Bitches both of them! This little heifer Leila Kalomi even had the nerve to come to me making a play for Spock. Oh, and there was another one too, some tall skinny thing he was dreaming about during our bonding."

"You're calling somebody a bitch? That's not like you Ny. You're jealous." Charlene chided.

"I am not! Jealous of who? I had to get rid of his wife for him and his ex-girlfriend. And that little girl from Stratos was just a fantasy. It's just the way he thinks about her that is weird. I wish you could see it. In his fantasy, she's barely dressed, just big green doe eyes and a smile and hardly anything else. She was fawning all over him too, even worse than Christine does. He told her about his 'affliction' too. This super secret "Vulcans do not speak of it" private biological function and he's telling it to a girl he barely knows! Meanwhile, I've known him for years and he never said a word about it!"

"Oh yeah, you're jealous." Char grinned.

"I am not jealous, that's illogical!" Uhura said as she stomped her foot.

Charlene burst into peels of laughter. "You even starting to sound like him", she giggled. "It's so cute Ny. Oh god, I can just see your little brown Vulcan babies screaming illogical! illogical! during the terrible twos."

"Charlene stop it, I am not having a discussion about babies, I can't right now."

"Aw, I know honey, I'm sorry, you've been through the wringer these past few days. Go and get dressed for bed and I'll sit with you until you fall asleep hows that sound? I have a late start tomorrow anyway."

"Would you? I feel a lot better after our talk but I wouldn't mind the company."

"Of course, I told you I've got your back. Then I'll sneak down to the sickbay and snag you a pregnancy test."

"Would you do that? Can you do that?"

"Of course. What? Do you think this is the dark ages where they kill a rabbit? It's just a quick prick with a hypo."

"How do you know?"

"How do you think? Being a miss goody two shoes, I guess you've never had to take that long scary walk to the doctor. But I've been there done that and no dead rabbits."

"I hate to ask such a personal question but..."

"It was negative and I was scared shitless. After that, I vowed to never get caught slipping up ever again. I'm surprised Dr. McCoy didn't give you two suppressants beforehand."

"He did, that's why I just can't be pregnant. It's just that when you said it in the mess hall I was shocked and not thinking straight."

"Well, we'll know for sure tomorrow. You just sleep tight tonight and lean on me for moral support. And if it turns out you are, there will be a shotgun wedding and I'll be holding the gun."

"I already had a lirpa wedding, and this whole thing is completely backward."

"You mean flipped and turned upside down like a good old-fashioned romance?"

"Charlene please!"

/*-/*-/

It was raining, she didn't know where they were but she could hear the rain as it hit the roof and the windows. It pelted their shelter with force but she and Spock were safe from the storm. And they had a fire, there was a fireplace warming the room and taking the dampness out of the air. Spock didn't like damp, or cold. He was shivering now but Nyota was determined to keep him warm. That was her job, keep him warm, keep him safe, keep him alive. She was his wife and she was good at her job.

To that end, she wrapped her arms and legs around him. He was so hot. He was always so hot when she touched him. When would this fever, this burning ever end? All Nyota wanted to do was to make Spock better. She would do anything for him to be well. He belonged to her. She kissed his lips, his chin, his neck. She kissed him where ever she could. And Spock kissed her in return. And he touched her as well. He explored her with his lips, and his fingers, and his mind...

Nyota bolted up in her bed, her body covered in sweat, her heart racing, her body aching. Her arms felt so empty... What the hell, not again!

She looked around her quarters. In the other room, she could see the little coffee table had two teacups still sitting there. Charlene was nowhere in sight. Looking at her console she saw that she still had some time before her shift began. She rose from her bed and went to take a shower but before she could reach the bathroom door her main door chimed.

She went to the door and there stood Charlene with a cup of coffee and a small box.

"I come bearing gifts which do you want first?" Nyota eyed the small box guessing the contents and then grabbed the coffee.

"Procrastinate much?" Charlene teased as she pushed her way in and set the box on the coffee table and then cleared away the teacups from last night.

"I can't deal with major life changes before I've had my coffee," Nyota said taking a grateful sip of the hot brew.

"Ny is everything ok, you look a little shaky."

"I had another dream."

"Another? I know you said you couldn't sleep but you seemed fine when I left. You slept like a rock."

"Well, just now I had the dream."

"What dream?"

"Ugh, it's kinda embarrassing."

"What is it?"

"I keep dreaming that Spock and I are..."

"You and Spock are...?" Charlene asked expectantly.

"We're... um... sleeping together."

"Oh, that's all?"

"That's all? That's all? I haven't had a good nights sleep since I got back from Argelius. All I do is have these crazy erotic dreams and wake up... feeling horrible."

"Why do you feel horrible?"

"I don't know, the dreams are so real, so intense, we're kissing and touching one another and then bam! I wake up right before anything happens."

"Oh, I see," Charlene smirked at her.

"You see what? What do you see that I don't?"

"You're sexually frustrated."

"What? No! Nope, that is not it. I am sleepy and exhausted and tired. I just want some rest and these damn dreams are driving me crazy."

"Because you don't finish?"

"Don't finish the dream?"

"Well, the dream, the sex, you said you get all aroused in the dream and then nothing, you wake up. That would tick me off too."

"I am not ticked off because my sex dreams finish prematurely."

Charlene laughed. "Ny did you just hear yourself? 'my sex dream finished prematurely' you know who says stuff like that?"

"Don't even say it!"

"Spock!" Charlene finished anyway. "You've got it bad. What you need is to finish that dream. You need sex. I prescribe sex with your husband. Let him clean your pipes, get your juices flowing again."

"Yuck! Would you behave? That's the last thing I need. That's what got me in this mess in the first place."

"What? You act like sex is a four letter word. We all have needs, we all get lonely. It gets cold out here in the vacuum of space, we all need someone to warm us up every now and then."

Charlene's words reminded Uhura of her dream, of her trying to keep Spock warm and she shivered.

"See," Charlene said, "you know its true. Look from what you told me last night, sleeping with Spock was not so terrible right? I mean he didn't hurt you or force you, you just didn't like how it all went down? No pun intended."

"No, he didn't hurt me."

"So did you enjoy it, even a little?"

Uhura blushed. She didn't know what to say. "I don't really want to talk about it Charleen, it was weird I told you."

"I'm sorry for pushing. Look, I just want you to be okay with all of this. If you like Spock I think you should go for it. No matter what the rest of the world thinks or how weird it may seem. You have a right to your happiness too."

"At first I was angry about what happened. Now, I'm still angry but not for the same reason. Too many things have happened since then. I think I hate men a little."

Charlene choked out a laugh. "You don't hate men. Almost every friend you have on this ship is a guy. I think men are your favorite toys. You're just mad at one guy, the one that's got you all turned up."

"I am not all turned up. Whatever that means."

"Yes, you are. Ny, I like you, I don't want to see you make a big mistake. So I'm gonna do something I would normally not do, I am going to give relationship advice. Talk to your man. Have the long difficult embarrassing conversation that two grown-ups are capable of having and straighten all of this out before it gets out of hand. Don't tiptoe around this ship like a pair of school kids at your first dance. You both deserve better."

"Is that what you think I'm doing playing a game?"

"No, I think you're procrastinating and that's not like you at all. Now take this box, take this test, and then handle it no matter what it says."

"Gee thanks mom," Uhura said taking the box reluctantly.

"Don't you sass me, missy. Remember no matter what it says no matter what you decide I'll be by your side and so will all your friends. We love you, we're family. Trust that everything will be all right."

Uhura examined the hypo box, stalling. What did she want? Did she want a baby? Did she want to marry Spock? Was she angry at Spock or was she angry at herself? If she was honest with herself she would say that what happened on Vulcan was not the worst experience of her life, far from it. It was weird and frightening, but it was also exciting. She had had Spock all to herself and his life had depended on her. And just as in her dreams, she could have him again, he could be hers to take care of, to protect, to keep warm forever. Hell they were bonded and they shared a katra, she couldn't escape him if she wanted to and she didn't want to. That's what frightened her, that's what angered her. She wanted Spock so much.

Uhura opened the box and took out the hypo. Briefly, she read the instructions, loaded the test tube into the chamber and held it to her arm. No matter what happened next, this was going to hurt.