Chapter 2: Fear

"E-E-Edward?" I managed to choke out. And then his obsidian eyes locked to mine. In that moment all I felt was utter terror. The love I had for him was gone. He was the one who had brought my nightmares of loss to life. Despite how much I cared for him before and the hole I felt from his absence, I realized that seeing him come back wouldn't magically fix everything that happened. He was no longer safety for me, he was every cruel thing in the world, tailor made for my torment. I lost it.

I backed away from those who had kept me safe from him. Nowhere was safe from him, but I had to try, for my own sake. His eyes were still fixed to mine, unblinking and cold, truly the soulless monster who had ripped me apart and left me to die. I had to get away from those eyes. I turned and ran, hating to show my back to the enemy. I vaguely heard that hauntingly musical voice call my name, followed by stone crashing against stone.

The woods had sheltered me once after his betrayal, I would seek their help one more time. These woods were dryer than the ones in Forks, all pine needles and crispy leaves, too dry for moss to cover the forest floor as I was used to. My running came to a crashing halt when I could no longer breathe, collapsing in the middle of a small clearing. The only time I had tripped through this whole ordeal, which was a miracle in itself. Now reality was able to catch up with me. I couldn't outrun a vampire, but he had let me go. Was this some sick joke? Was he just going to stalk me like James had? Did he enjoy showing up in my life to ruin any small piece of happiness I had managed to make for myself since the last time I saw him? Hadn't he once told me that if I didn't want him in my life he would leave me be? But he had also promised me forever and he had easily destroyed that promise when it was convenient for him.

I heard a gust of wind and whipped around, expecting to see Edward silhouetted by the trees, but it wasn't. Jasper stood far into the forest, just far enough away to where I could see his discomfort at being so close to me in this state. I tried to bring my emotions into check for his sake, I could break down later.

"D-don't do that." He faltered. We had never really spoken alone, I could tell he was nervous for both of us. "Y-you should deal with it y'know. W-we can process this together."

"Jasper, I can deal with it myself, I've done it before."

Jasper spoke with more confidence as he continued. "And where exactly did that get you Bella? The bottom of a cliff? That was less than a week ago Bella, you need to deal with this in a healthy way. You can't bury this anymore... Please...I can't see you suffer like this anymore." I heard his voice crack on the last word.

I was left with my mouth hanging open. He had just called me out on what I knew to be true. I knew I needed help, but I couldn't exactly talk to a psychologist about what was really behind all the traumas and events of the last year.

"Will you come back with me to the house? Garret and I subdued him and Garrett is taking him back to wherever they came from. I'll keep you safe."

I decided that that was probably for the best. Despite the warm temperatures it was would be getting dark soon and then I wouldn't be able to see the way back through the forest. As we made our way back to the house, Jasper left me to sort through my mind in comfortable silence. I started to think of how I had always neglected what I wanted to take care of others or make them happy, all the things I had gone without. If you took away those around me, there was nothing to define me as a person. That needed to change, the past year had shown that.

Jasper softly cleared his throat as we approached the house. "W-we're back. E-everyone is worried about you. Do you want to let them have their time to let you know what they think? Or would you rather tell them that you're fine and I can take you to one of the rooms?

"Actually, going to a room sounds great. I've been kinda rotating rooms these past few days. Could I stay with you and Alice? I would feel much safer knowing you both were there."

"Of course." He said as he opened the door for me, allowing me to go first.

Everyone began talking at once, I couldn't tell what they were saying. I surprised myself when I held up my hand for silence. I had never done that! Well it would be my turn for once to be listened to. Despite their good intentions, I always felt like a child around them, never an equal or even a fellow adult. "I know you are all very worried about me, and I understand that after what I did. However, given the circumstances, I see that despite the dangers of my actions, they were justified. You all know how I feel about E-Edward now after seeing him. I'm okay now, but I need time away from everyone to process him being in my life again. So now, if I may…" and I turned from everyone to the steps that led to all the bedrooms. Jasper followed me, the first protective shadow I had actually asked for.

Jasper POV

I was worried for her. I may have helped her a bit after meeting her in the woods. I hadn't tried to cover any emotions as I normally did. I had just cleared the barriers the mind normally created after a trauma, allowing it to process on our walk back home. It wasn't as good as letting her process it slowly over years, but it worked for the worst of it in the short term. There wouldn't be any relapses into panic when she woke up, at least not like what had happened today. She would still need help later.

I had given her a warning so she had could prepare her responses before she was thrown into it all again, I could sense a new determination in her and didn't want it to be deterred by not being prepared. I gave her the option to either stay and let them do as they wished or to speak out. She had been holding it inside for so long, I doubted she had ever spoken against anyone's wishes before.

I followed her up the steps after her speech to everyone and directed her to mine and Alice's room. I gestured for Bella to enter and quietly told her "I hope you will find our room comfortable." While Bella stood taking in the room, I went to where she had been sleeping last night and grabbed her old duffle bag and brought it back to our room securing the door behind us.

Alice always had an eye for decorations. And our room was no different. She kept it tastefully neutral, in that it wasn't overly feminine and my personal tastes could still be expressed. I appreciated how she always tried to include me in the decisions, even when she knew the outcome. Despite not needing to sleep, I enjoyed having a bed to lay in. This one was covered in a deep purple cover and had lavender pillows. We had two black nightstands and wall hangings that showed beautiful forests. I hoped Bella could be as comfortable here as I was.

Bella looked to me and whispered "T-thank you so much for being willing to share your room. It just doesn't feel safe to be anywhere else in this house if I know E-Edward can just storm in whenever he feels like it."

I gestured to the bed "Would you like to sit?" I smiled as she took me up on the offer. "You keep mentioning that you don't feel 'safe', do you wish to leave?"

"I-I want to. I want to be as far away from him as possible, but it would be suicide to go right now, with Victoria on the loose. It's already risky enough with all of you here willing to fight her on my behalf."

Damn! I'd forgotten about Victoria. "Well is there anything I can do to make you feel safe here while you are staying with us?"

She took a long pause as she thought, I still felt the fear stirring beneath the surface, keeping an eye on it so I could catch her if is started to spin out of control again. That had been far too painful when I had seen her in the woods. I imagined that that must have been what she had been like when Edward left. Damn him! He had made his decision too quickly for Alice to catch and we hadn't known until three days ago what he had done.

Suddenly I felt a spark of Joy come from Bella and I knew she had come to her conclusion. I didn't have to wait too long for her to explain her reason to me. "I-I know it wouldn't be smart to leave the house while Victoria is on the loose. So, I was wondering if we could we have a movie night? Y'know with popcorn and snacks and find the funniest movies we can? I think I just need to know I can be happy… or at least be able to laugh while I'm here."

Alice had seen Bella's idea and I heard her come rushing up the stairs. I went to the door and spoke to her through the door before she could knock. "Alice, love. Bella has asked for privacy. Please respect that."

Before Alice could answer, Bella spoke up "It's okay Jasper. I appreciate you saying that, but I think it's okay for Alice to come in."

I turned around and tested her mood. No shift in her mood, the Fear was nearly dormant now. But I had seen humans recovering from recent traumas have their moods swing for unexpected reasons. I hoped Alice would tread carefully. I slowly opened the door and spoke lowly to Alice. "Please, dear, she's fragile right now. I don't know what might set her off." Then more loudly I continued. "Come in dear, I apologize if I was too abrupt with you before."

"It's okay Jazz, I know you just wanted to let her have her space. I just wanted to come up and say her idea was wonderful and ask her what movies she wanted."

Okay everyone! I hope you are enjoying the first few chapters of a fic where Bella is actually reluctant to see Edward again and is acknowledging that healing from that won't be easy. I've given some thought to the pairings and I think I've come up with something you will all enjoy. I sure know I'll enjoy writing it!

Please leave your comments and thoughts in the reviews! After my first chapter I can finally see why authors are always asking for them! I love the appreciation you are all showing my fic! Please don't be shy, I love hearing from you all.