We Can't Be Friends
Uhura had been walking around with her head in the clouds and feeling like she was ten feet tall since she returned from Starbase 6. Her whole life had changed from what it had been just a few weeks ago. It was hard to believe she had been so angry and depressed that she contemplated transferring off the Enterprise and leaving Spock and now the thought of living without him was unthinkable.
She was practically skipping through the halls when she ran into Christine and the smile fell from her face. Christine looked miserable. And although it was not entirely her fault, Uhura still felt guilty for Chris's pain. Afterall she was happy with the man that Christine claimed to love. She at least owed her an explanation.
"Christine," she said as she caught up to her. "Can we talk?"
"Nope," Christine said and sped away.
"Wait. I know I avoided you before but I want to explain now." Uhura said following her down the corridor.
"I'm not in the mood for your lies," Christie shouted over her shoulder as she tried to escape Uhura.
"Then answer me this question. Why do you love Spock?"
"I beg your pardon?", Christine stopped in her tracks. She had been carefully avoiding Uhura after their last run in and it had been working until today.
"You keep telling me and everyone else that you love him so much, but why? I want to know why you think you're in love with him?" Uhura asked.
"You ought to know, Mrs. Spock," Christine said with emphasis on the misses, "you're married to him after all," she tried again to get around Uhura and again Uhura, agile as a snake blocked her. She was taller than Uhura but Uhura ranked her and she was solidly built and combat trained to boot. Not to mention Christine had spied several times while Spock and Uhura trained in the ship's gym, sparing and doing some type of Vulcan martial art. She didn't think for one minute she would be able to overpower the little hussy though she would dearly love to get in a good jab.
Lt. Uhura, I'm done with my shift and I'm done with you, good day. She turned around and headed in the other direction with Uhura hot on her heels. This was insane. Christine was avoiding people, hiding in her cabin, and now on the run from the sickbay, on her own ship! It wasn't fair, she was being beaten at every turn, having Uhura and Spock's relationship shoved in her face and she was running? What about Spock and Uhura? They were going about their damn business as if nothing had changed. Everyone on the ship knew they were seeing each other.
Oh at first they made a show of avoiding each other to prevent gossip but now they were flat out flaunting it, dining together in the mess, sparing together, dancing, and only the gods knew what all else. They disappeared for days at a time. It was rumored that Spock even carried her around on Star Base 6. It was enough to make her sick. She was sick of the whole damn mess. She had put in for a transfer. Enough was enough.
"Christine! Christine, please! Wait."
She just made it to the turbo lift and was about to command a medical override to shut the door in Uhura's smug face when Uhura made a diving leap and jumped inside just as the doors closed.
Great, Christine thought now I'm trapped with her. She commanded the turbo lift to the deck where the commissary was located. She was hoping a public place would discourage conversation from Uhura. Christine just wasn't ready to make nice with Uhura and Spock.
"Christine, can we please talk about this?"
"You can do whatever you want, I am going to get dinner."
"Please just give me a chance to talk to you, I need to understand..."
"You need to understand?! Ha!" she laughed viciously. "You need to understand! Understand what? Understand stealing Spock from under my nose? Understand how it feels to be humiliated and rejected in front of the entire crew? What would you know about that, little Miss Lieutenant?"
Christine got right in Uhura's face. "You may outrank me on this ship Lieutenant but on my off hours, I don't take orders from you. Now if you will excuse me." She tried to sidestep Uhura to leave the lift.
"Christine, can't we just talk as friends? If you'll just let me explain maybe you'll understand what has been happening. I never meant to hurt you, you have to believe that." Uhura pleaded.
"I don't have to believe anything you say. Right now when I look at you I see a liar and a thief and it makes me sick. I feel sick. You make me sick do you understand that? Now leave me alone," Christine cried.
Uhura had had enough of this. Things were changing so fast, she didn't want to lose a friend like Christine if she could help it.
"Christine, please I'm asking one last time, let me explain, I'll tell you everything you want to know, and if after I explain you still want to hate me then at least I won't be the one who walked away. I'll answer all your questions no matter how difficult if you'll answer mine."
Christine was torn. She still had not managed to piece together the full story of Spock and Uhura's bonding. Oh, she knew only the official story that the Captain and the Doctor had put out, but she also knew that that story was bull. She had been in the infirmary when they had forcefully brought Spock in and she was there when he made his escape with Uhura. She wanted, needed to know what had happened on that planet but she didn't want to hear it from Uhura. She also knew the likelihood of Spock ever telling her anything so personal was zero to none. If she couldn't get McCoy to talk even after repeated tries and plying him with the best alcohol she could get from Scotty, then she would never get the story. Unless she talked to Uhura.
So, resolved, she agreed to talk.
"Ok, I'll listen while you talk, but after that leave me alone and stay out of my life."
In agreement, they went to Christine's quarters, she didn't want to have this conversation in a public forum. She wasn't sure she could handle what was about to happen and she didn't want to be made any more of a public spectacle than she had already experienced.
Christine couldn't read anything from Uhura's expression or body language as they sat facing each other. In times past she could always tell when Uhura was happy or sad or in a playful mood but now she couldn't read a thing. Spock must be rubbing off on her she thought, and then got angry at that too. Everything made her angry nowadays.
"What is it you need to say?" She didn't bother with any niceties like tea or a snack as they settled on the little sofa in her quarters.
"First I need to ask you a question. Why do you love Spock?"
"Why do I love Spock! How dare you? I don't need to sit and explain anything to you, its the other way around remember, you were going to explain everything to me?"
"I know I agreed but I just need to know this, why do you love him so much?"
"Why do I love him? Why do you love him?"
"I never said I did," Uhura said calmly.
"But you married him!"
"He married me," she said.
"What's the difference, you've got him all to yourself."
"Choice. I didn't ask for any of this, we had to get married. I never set out to marry Spock or hurt you."
"So if you don't want to be married to him then get a divorce."
"It's not that simple, I can't leave him."
"Sure because you want to stay married to him now don't you? You waltz in here asking me why I love the man I love but you're really just rubbing it in my face."
"That wasn't my intention."
"What was your intention then? You said you would explain so explain. Explain to me why you're married to the man that I have loved for as long as we've known each other." Christine demanded.
"I really don't know how to explain it all properly, its a story that simply defies belief. But you already know most of it. Spock was sick with a fever that only Vulcans get. He needed to go to Vulcan for...tratment. While in sickbay he escaped and came to my quarters and kidnapped me."
"Kidnapped? You mean you didn't go willingly?"
"Kidnapped! He did one of his mental things and knocked me out cold.
But that's not the point. I woke up on Vulcan and his family was there and they said it was a wedding and if I didn't agree Spock would die. So I agreed, to save him." Uhura watched Christine's face to see if she understood what she was saying.
"How convenient," Christine said angrily.
"It was very inconvenient for me, I didn't want to marry Spock I told you that already. Spock would be the last person I'd choose to marry actually."
"And why is that? What's wrong with him?"
"You tell me. You're the one madly in love, why? What's so great about him?"
"I've already told you I'm not going to defend myself. I cannot explain love it just happens."
"Ok, but what do you think being married to Spock is like? Did you imagine love songs and romantic rendezvous?"
"I didn't imagine anything, I just wanted him to-"
"To what? Love you? He's a Vulcan!" Uhura said.
"So what?! I love him just the way he is, I don't want him to change. I can't believe you're talking about Spock this way."
"Chris, Spock doesn't love you, he doesn't care about you—"
Christine cut her off. "How dare you! You may be married to Spock but you don't speak for him. You just tricked him into marrying you, and now you won't let him go!"
"He won't let me go, I can't go! I never wanted to hurt you, never wanted this but it is what it is and you need to let go of Spock for your own sanity. Spock can't love you." Uhura tried to explain.
"I don't need to do anything. And Spock can speak for himself."
"He already made his choice Chris and I sorry it hurts you. Believe me, I know what you're going through. I was heartbroken when Riley left me. I cried, I fought it, didn't believe he would treat me that way, but I got over it and moved on and so must you," Uhura advised her.
"Easy for you to say with Riley a million miles away. Spock is here, right here on this ship flaunting his WIFE in my face."
"Christine, you know Spock isn't like that."
"So now you're defending him? You don't fool me anymore."
"I'm just trying to be honest."
"Oh my god, what a joke. You? Being honest? When have you ever been honest? Let's be real here good buddy. You have been hot for Spock since the day I met you. Deny it all you want but I know you Nyota. You want some honesty? I'll be honest. I knew all along you were into Spock. You found every reason you could to be around him. But I never thought you'd trick him into marrying you. I got to hand it to you, you're slicker than I ever imagined."
"I didn't trick anyone. I didn't have to trick Spock. We've been friends for years and you know it. And if anybody was hot for someone he was hot for me!" Uhura shouted. This whole conversation was going sideways. Couldn't Christine see it was a lost cause? Uhura had told her how it was.
"Shut up your lies!" Christine yelled. "You're not even his type."
"Oh no? What is his type? You? How'd that work out for you?" Uhura said angrily.
"Ooh, It's all coming out now. You think you're all that. How did Spock ever get caught in your web?"
"Christine, I didn't want this to be this way. I wanted to explain to you what happened with me and Spock-"
"I don't want to hear any more of your lies. I'm just hoping Spock comes back to his senses before you ruin his life."
"Why the hell would I ruin HIS life?"
"Oh girl, like you haven't left a string of broken men in your wake."
"What?" Uhura couldn't believe her ears.
"Don't play dumb, it doesn't suit you and it doesn't fool me. You know what? You're too pretty for your own good. You think you're good enough for Spock? To be his wife? Not! He'll realize he made a mistake, mark my words."
"And then what? He'll come to you? Pour his heart out and declare his undying love? Haul you back to Vulcan so you can meet the folks? You don't really know him, do you? He's such a private man you don't really know him nor anything about his life, his family, or Vulcans for that matter."
"I know enough, more than you do, remember? You didn't know the first thing about Vulcan culture until I became interested in it. And where were you all the times Spock needed comfort, someone to mend his wounds and patch him up? Where were you when he was burning with fever and raging out of his mind or lost deep in a healing trance? I was always by his side not you, and yet you're his wife now?"
Nyota thought Chris had no idea what she'd actually gone through with Spock during his Time, or all the other times Spock had indeed come to her with his hurts and anxieties. But it didn't matter anymore, she was going to learn today.
"That's your job Chris, you're a nurse and he was your patient-"
"No, it was more than that and you know it. He needed me!" Christine pointed to herself. "Me, not you."
"Maybe it seemed that way to you but not for Spock," Uhura said feeling sorry for Chris.
"Mr. Spock can speak for himself, can't he?"
"Certainly. I'm not here to argue over Spock actually."
"Then why are you here?"
"I'm here because of us, I miss our friendship and I hate the way things are between us now, but most importantly I hate the way things are for you on the ship. I know you put in for a transfer and I wanted to talk to you about it."
"Why? It has nothing to do with you."
"I think it has everything to do with me, and Spock, that we're responsible-"
"Responsible? Yes, you should feel responsible. If you hadn't stolen Spock-"
"Please Chris, let's make one thing clear I didn't steal anything or anyone. Spock didn't belong to you and if anything he stole me-"
"He stole you?! From what did he "steal" you?"
"From this ship, from my life, from my future plans..."
"Ooh that's rich, I see you're still on this ship living your life, I didn't happen to hear you request a transfer-"
"Actually, I did, Captain Kirk refused to process it."
"What, why on earth would you do that?" Christine didn't believe what she was hearing.
"I didn't want to be here, didn't want to be near Spock and anybody who knew about us. I was angry."
"Again, why? Why bond with him if you hate him so much that you'd want a transfer?"
"I didn't hate him. I hated what had happened to me. I wanted to leave because I was embarrassed! And angry. It wasn't supposed to be like this," She said bowing her head. It was the truth, Uhura realized. She had been embarrassed. She didn't do anything wrong, yet when she walked into a room whispers started and conversations ended abruptly. People avoided her gaze in the halls. And she hadn't done anything to deserve it! People gossiped about her and claimed she was two-timing Sulu and Spock! So she knew how Christine felt if only she would listen.
"Embarrassed? well you should be, you ran off with Spock under all of our noses-" Christine said again.
"No, Chris, that's not what happened. Spock was ill. He needed a bondmate quickly and he sort of just chose me."
"Lucky you," Christine snarled not believing a word of this story.
"Yeah real lucky, I didn't even ask for the job."
"You're kidding me, right? Again why did you marry him? You could've said no."
"I told you I didn't have a choice. He needed me-"
"Again how convenient for you."
"It was, for Spock. Christine, I wish I could tell you everything that happened to me on Vulcan but some things I just can't speak of, I just can't verbalize it, it's personal. It would be a betrayal of Spock and of Vulcan and it would be a dishonor for me to tell it all, it's incredibly private. But I feel I owe you, my friend, something of an explanation if you would just listen."
"I've been waiting but you're not saying anything that I want to hear."
"First of all, Yes. I liked Spock just like everyone else on the ship. He was kind to me, he was patient with me, and when Nomad wiped my memory he was there for me, helping to retrain me and he melded with me several times imparting memories that would have been lost forever. Plus, we naturally had a lot in common, you know? He shares my passion for music, he taught me how to play his harp. He also gave me a lot of advice on my career, how to be a better officer and honestly before I understood it we were becoming really close-"
"I get the picture. You were clever I give you that, I never even suspected what was happening right before my eyes."
Christine didn't want to hear any more. She knew about the harp and the tutoring but she had never seen it as anything but innocent hobbies. Nyota was popular, she hung out with all the guys on the bridge. Christine never imagined that such hobbies would lead to Spock and Nyota bonding. And it happened right before her eyes. She thought Nyota was her friend, somebody on this ship she could trust. She had been a fool.
"There was nothing to suspect," Nyota said. "I had no idea that Spock was interested in anything more than friendship. Believe me, it was a total shock when I found myself on Vulcan... I even wondered why me and not you. But I wouldn't wish that experience on you or anyone else," she shivered in remembrance of the experience of sharing her mind, her deepest secrets and desires as well as her body with Spock in that cave.
"I'll bet." Christine didn't buy this victim act for a minute. If Vulcan was so horrible, if Spock were so horrible then how did Uhura explain their marriage and their current thick as thieves behavior? "Being married to Spock sounds like such torture. I wonder why you didn't follow through and leave?"
"I can't leave him! I can't, not ever. I can't live without him," Nyota said quietly.
Oh, Christine would give her an award for acting. She played the victim so well.
"Oh, of course, you can't sweety. Being married to Spock is horrible but you just can't let go once you've got your hooks in him can you?"
"It's not like that Christine. You just don't understand our bond-"
"I understand perfectly? Riley managed to slip your grasp but not this one right Ny?"
"Let's not talk about Riley."
"Oh yeah wouldn't want to hurt your feelings, would I?"
"I didn't come here to talk about Riley!"
"Then get to the point. This is giving me a headache."
"Christine, when you discovered was dead and his psyche was in that android how did you feel?"
"Don't you dare bring up Roger, you know I was devastated," Christine said angrily.
"But not long after that, you proclaimed your love for Spock?"
"I had always cared about Spock, after Roger, I felt free to pursue him."
"Yes, I know. So you could love Roger and care for another man at the same time?"
"What's your point Nyota?"
"Spock is a lot like Roger. He appeared to be one thing on the surface but when you get to know the real man he's not what you think he is. You never got to know the man Spock truly is. You just saw another Roger, someone you could admire for his brilliant mind. Spock was just a replacement."
"No! The situation with Roger has nothing to do with this. He was already dead when the Captain and I beamed down. That...that thing we found wasn't Roger. I know exactly who Roger was."
"No, it wasn't Roger. You lost Roger long before you and the Captain beamed down to that planet. But you searched for him for years, changed your whole life, you switched careers just to find him. And when you did found what you thought was Roger he wasn't the man you thought he was. He wasn't the man you had built up in your mind."
"Christine what you loved was the memory of Roger even though he was long gone. Memories tend to be whitewashed and all the rough edges smoothed away. Likewise, you're in love with this ideal Spock, not the reality. He's not what you think he is! Spock is as damaged and as imperfect as the rest of us. You loved your idea of Roger and you loved your idea of Spock too. Not the real Spock, not the complicated being who is Vulcan and Human and as frail, as illogical, as flawed as the rest of us!" Nyota argued.
"I know what Spock is" Christine defended "and I know what I love, why I love him. You just don't understand Spock, he is a good man and you're trying to paint him as some kind of common loser. So Riley hurt you. But Spock is not like that. He could no more hurt you or me than- he would never harm a sentient...You said it yourself how he helped you, taught you, and you stand here attacking his character-"
"You don't know him! None of us really did. This illness that he kept a secret was just the tip of the iceberg. He kept his parents a secret, his family, hell did you know his Grandmother is the head of the Vulcan council? Do you really know what he is capable of being or doing? He may not want to harm anyone but he is capable of it. You know it too. You saw how he was in sickbay before he escaped Christine. You saw him take me from this ship, saw what he did to the guards that tried to stop him. You don't know what Vulcan males are capable of. And Spock is no ordinary Vulcan, Christine, he has both Vulcan and Human emotions!" Uhura said passionately.
"You think Vulcans are not capable of violence? Of Deceit? Of aggression? Of taking what they want? Spock could crush us if he so chooses without breaking a sweat. Spock and all the rest of Vulcan just happen to rebuke violence and chose the path of peace but make no mistake Christine, they are a brutal warrior race. How do you think they have withstood being conquered by their neighbors? By the Romulans and Klingons and Andorians?"
"You're twisting things, Spock isn't like that..."
"I've seen it! I've seen him out of his mind and so have you! He threw that soup in your face remember?"
"You're wrong!"
"Christine, I don't want to argue, that's not what I wanted. I wanted to clear the air with you. I hate how things turned out for you and I hate the way things are between us. I know how you feel-"
"Do you really Ny? Do you just hate how things turned out for me? Poor Christine, she must be devastated they say. She threw herself at Mr. Spock and now he is with Uhura. You have humiliated me and you hate how things turned out for me?! You hussy. What did you do? How did you trick Spock into falling for you ploys? Did you let your dress slip while he was giving you harp lessons? Convince him you were just little ol' helpless Nyota as you fell out of your seat every chance you got on the bridge? I know how you act, I know the routine you put on for men."
"That's enough! I can't believe I was willing to break a confidence in order to help you. What you just said not only dishonors me and Spock but yourself. Do you want to know something, Christine? I knew you would be hurt and jealous and you're right, I do feel sorry for you. Everyone did see you throwing yourself at Spock with no shame. He noticed, how could he not? Spock just wasn't interested and I am sorry about that, I truly am. But you don't get to insult me, not after what I've been through, what I had to do to save the man you say you love. I don't care how hurt you are. I am not your punching bag."
"I was your friend Christine, I really wanted you to be happy. I wanted you to find Roger. I even wanted you to have Spock if he would have had you. That's the kind of friend I am. I thought you were my friend too, but I see now that you are not. Because if you were my friend you would have come to me and asked what happened without accusing me of all kinds of nonsense. You would have asked how I was doing and listened to my story instead of throwing tantrums all over the ship!"
"And new flash, you were not lied to, you were not two-timed, you were not jilted. You and Spock were never a couple and he never belonged to you! So yeah, I flirted with Spock same as any other woman on board but I never chased him or threw myself at his feet. I didn't make up a relationship with him that didn't exist except in my head. He came to me, he kidnapped me. I didn't have to chase Spock, or learn his culture, or patch his wounds or serve him soup that he doesn't even like, by the way. You were so busy playing his nursemaid, maybe you should have tried being his friend. It might have gotten you further."
Uhura reached Christine's door and turned. "And oh yeah, Fuck You!"
Nyota stormed out of Christine's quarters before anything more could be said.
"Why that little bitch!" Christine yelled at the closed door. How dare she? That little thieving trollop! Christine was going to show her. Christine had been resigned to leaving the ship as soon as she could get her transfer to go through but now she had other plans. She was not going to give up without a fight. She was not walking away empty-handed this time. This ship was not big enough for the two of them now and Christine was determined she was not going anywhere anytime soon. But Uhura was.