Chapter 4: Confrontations

JPOV

True to Alice's prediction, Bella drifted off halfway through the movie, her head drifting to Alice's shoulder. Her chuckles becoming softer and more like yawns with each passing moment. Alice and I edged off the bed and tucked her in. She had gone through far too much today, I just hoped that sleep would bring her peace.

Alice and I went downstairs and when I questioned Alice on everyone's absence, she told me that after Bella had gone upstairs, they had decided to go hunting, to prepare for Victoria's assault. It reminded me of how blind we all were. All we knew that was by bringing Bella here, we had brought the battle to our turf, and we had the highest chance of winning here in Southern California. Alice's vision had seen the battle happening in a few days, the possibility of which day shifted every few hours, but while I had hunted to be strong enough to care for Bella, Alice had seen a safe opportunity for the rest of the family to take the night to hunt.

Because Alice assured me we were safe for the moment, we allowed ourselves some time to relax for the first time in far too long. Alice and I began to cook Bella an old soup recipe I had learned from my time in southern Texas. We enjoyed almost an hour of quiet joking and cooking as the house began to smell of delightful herbs and meatballs. The albondigas soup lent a heartiness to both warm and satisfy that I hoped Bella would appreciate after the long day she had endured. Even though we didn't eat, that didn't mean that the food didn't smell good, but when it came to taste it was seriously lacking.

As I was putting away the comal that we had made the tortillas on, I felt a stab of Fear in my chest so fierce that I dropped it. I was brought to my knees as I realized what was happening. "Alice…" No sooner had her name left my lips then I heard the stove click off and her rush up the stairs. It took me a much longer to recuperate this time before I could follow behind her. I knew Alice could handle him herself, but I needed to be there. He needed to know that there were limits, and he had just gone past the most important one.

As I rushed to our room I heard her hyperventilating, and I could hear the creep trying to comfort her! I heard him murmur "Bella, love, I am so sorry for the way I acted. I was too angry to see how my actions could have scared you. I promise, I'm not that person. I've been away from… e-everything too long. I behaved in a very uncivilized manner. I promise, I'll be better."

"Why was Alice letting this go on so long?" I thought. "Didn't he realize that he was the reason for her suffering?"

Edward's head jerked up as I entered, triggered by my thoughts, no doubt. Surprise colored his face and I was sure my emotions were written all over my face. Bella's Fear of him made me angry beyond anything I had ever felt, and that wasn't even factoring in how angry Alice was.

Before I could open my mouth, Alice began to tear into Edward, calling him everything under the sun. Her Fury was painful, and I knew with is ability, Edward was experiencing this twice at once. Once, firsthand from Alice and the second magnified through my gift and mixed with my own Anger. I saw as our combined Anger bring him to his knees. Alice always went with the best outcome she could see, I had to trust that this would be for the best for Bella. I wanted to make sure Bella had a choice in the end though, but Alice had held this in for far too long.

When Alice paused for breath, I intervened. With Anger ruling my mind I spoke quietly, letting Edward know just how much he had messed up. "Edward, you don't realize how well your plan succeeded. Not only did you destroy how deeply Bella loved you, but you turned it into fear. She is terrified to be near you, through me I know you can feel the damage you've done. And it wasn't your actions today that did that. It goes back to the way you left her. You destroyed everything that day. From your relationship to your family." I would do anything to protect my dearest friend, without hesitation. Even if it meant hurting the man I used to call my brother.

I heard Bella whimper from the bed, her knees tucked to her chest and her heart beating erratically. It must have taken an incredible amount of strength for her to do what she did next. "You're 'sorry for how you acted'? Is that all you have to say for yourself, Edward?" her voice was hoarse from her ordeal earlier today, tears beading in her eyes. She took a deep breath and surprised us all with how steady her voice was. Despite her emotions running in every direction, without my gift I would have thought she was calm.

"I can't believe that that is all you can think of after what you did to me. My life was starting to make sense after you left. It hurt, but I was okay. At least I knew what to expect from life when you were gone. I had control of the events in my life, even if they were simple. But now that you're here, you… you always do whatever you want. I mean James? That was your plan to run away. I didn't get any say in anything. But worst of all is when you chose to leave me. You made that decision without a second thought to how your choices would affect me! I was supposed to be your partner. And you didn't even consider what I wanted. You gave up! And it wasn't even because there as anything wrong with our relationship! You decided to try and 'protect' me and you just made a choice for both of us, like my opinion didn't matter. I looked past the warning signs with you Cullen, I thought you were just being protective. But now I see that you were controlling and manipulative.

Bella's voice took on a hollow ring as she continued "Huh. You really are a monster. And not because you're a vampire, but because you thought it was okay to hurt me so much." Anger began to color Bella's words once more "Y'know what? I'm done. I am just not okay with you being around me. Just, GO!"

Her voice broke into a sob the last word as the Anger and Fear overwhelmed her. She buried her face into Alice's waiting shoulder. It hurt me to see her like this. I sat on the other side of her as she poured all her built-up Anger and Fear into her tears. "I'll make him leave Bella. You were so strong, I'm proud of you." I wrapped her in a quick hug as she sniffled a little "mm-hmm." Alice's arms replaced mine as I faced Edward.

I sensed no resistance from him as I pulled his arm and lead him away from Bella, I had to remind myself to be gentle despite the overwhelming urge to hurt him as he had hurt her. Bella's words made me remember the recent events that Edward had caused, both intentional and not as we descended the stairs. Edward made a choking noise in that back of his throat as I remembered finding her in the woods today, Alice telling me of her vision when Bella jumped from the cliff, Bella's fear of seeing him both earlier today and just now.

As we reached the front door, I felt a stab of Pain through my chest as Bella cried on Alice's shoulder. I nearly stumbled but caught myself before he could notice. I kept my face a mask of indifference as Edward hesitated at the door and turned to face me. This was the first time in six months I had gotten a good look at him. His eyes had lost the glow of the Love he used to feel for Bella, he was no longer the vibrant young man in love I had grown to know as the best version of my brother.

My whirling memories during our descent had brought the venom brimming in his eyes to spill over. There were glistening trails of venom on his cheeks, the tears that had already fallen had burned holes in his shirt where they fell. We all knew that he would never stop loving her. Losing Bella had hollowed him and the memories of their love were now like a pyre, burning him alive. I could feel the effects Bella's words had had on him. He hadn't changed his clothes since the last time I had seen him. What used to be my white button-down shirt was now a brown, tattered mess and the jeans he had borrowed were missing a chunk of the left pant leg and were caked with mud.

I had such pity for the man he had become. I felt another stab from Bella as she cleansed her soul on Alice's shoulder. I looked on the man who had lost everything, but the Pain I felt from Bella reminded me that he had sabotaged his own happiness. Her love for him used to brighten everyone around her, now all she felt was the pain and anger he had left behind. Just as he had mocked Romeo for his follies, here he was, following in his footsteps. He was teetering on the edge of madness in front of me, I didn't want to have to kill my brother today, but I would if it meant everyone else's safety.

"I will give you one chance brother, just listen to Bella for once in your life. If you come back, you will leave in an urn." I wasn't threatening him, that would imply that I wouldn't keep my word.

It hurt to see my brother like this, but he had also destroyed Bella. I knew that would haunt him for the rest of his existence, so I would let him live, if he stayed away from her. Let him live with this guilt of destroying the only good thing that had happened to him. Some fates were worse than death.

My thoughts brought him to his knees, I could sense that he knew this was the end. There was a hollow disbelief at how his actions had brought him here. "Jazz… I love her. And I know she loves me, somewhere deep inside. She's still there. I haven't destroyed all of her, maybe there is a part of her that can still over me." Edward's voice rose an octave with hope that we both knew was empty. From my long conversations with Edward I knew that once Bella was set on something, almost nothing could change her mind. With her new philosophy on life, and her speech to him about how much she resented his presence, I was surprised he could entertain the possibility of her still loving him.

As Edward registered my thoughts his voice shattered as he spoke "I-I just can't live without her Jazz. She's my everything. I-I can't just leave."

Just because I knew it was for the best, didn't mean it didn't hurt me to shut him out of our lives forever. Before, when he left, there was always a chance of us being a family again. This time it was final. But then again Edward had never screwed up this badly before. I let my sadness at our situation come into my voice "If you truly love her… leave. You felt through me that this is what she truly wanted. Don't continue to hurt her by staying." I held my hand out to him, pulling him up and guiding his hand to the doorknob of the front door.

"Jazz, I never knew. Please, let her know that was never my intention. I-"

I spoke kindly to him. I knew he would leave for her sake, there was no need to be overly cruel, we'd gotten our point across. "She knows Edward, you made that clear when you nearly gave her a heart attack earlier. You nearly killed her when you left, and you murdered the possibility of her having any positive emotions towards you again. I tried to tell you that leaving her wasn't a good idea, Six months is a long time for someone to feel like they aren't good enough for the only person they have ever cared so deeply for. Her love for you was stronger than anything I had ever felt, but you ignored me even after I made you feel it. Your stupidity warped that love and now… well now, I've never felt a fear stronger than what I have today."

"Jazz, I know I will never get to tell her how much I love her or tell her how truly sorry I am for what I have done. Could you find it in your heart, to one day…tell her how much I really cared for her and how misguided I was. In my mad attempt to keep her safe, I did the worst thing possible, I should have spoken to her, we could have found a solution if I had had the sense to ask her.

Wow, Edward really was going to stay away. This was his way of saying goodbye, whenever he had wandered away before he would lay his thoughts bare for us all to see, never hiding his intentions. He could always see into our minds without our consent, it was his way of returning the favor and letting us see a true part of himself for once. It was also something really difficult for him to do, so he only did it if he thought he was never coming back. This time, we both knew we would never see each other again.

A stab of Sadness from Bella lent true pain to my voice as I bore my soul to Edward, one last time. "You aren't a bad person Edward. You've made stupid, manipulative, abusive choices. Your behavior was acceptable back when you were growing up, it was just how things were. Time changed without you. And you lost Bella to your inability to change how you treated others. I can tell you want to change now. Focus on that and find a way to live with what you've done. It may be too late for you and Bella, but it's not too late for you to be a better person. And you have a lot of work ahead of you."

I felt hope spark from Edward. Had my tone had made him think that things were forgiven? "What about you Jazz? Do you forgive me?"

I guess I couldn't allow myself to be too gentle with him. I opted for a matter-of -fact tone as I continued with one of the longest speeches of my life. "Far from it. And I never will. You hurt us all too much. And you'll have to learn to live with that too Ed. But that doesn't mean I can't talk to you like a human being. I just want you out of our lives for good. You have to do this for yourself, not for redemption, or forgiveness from others. You may have ruined everything, but you have to have the courage to fight for yourself. That is all you'll ever have. So get used to fighting for you!"

"I don't think I can do this Jazz. It's so hard, just thinking of being away from her again, from my family! I have no one left to care for! Nothing to fight for! What's the point of this all?!""

His self-pitying tone struck a nerve with me. Bella was upstairs crying her soul out to Alice as I got rid of the man that had hurt her so much. But she wasn't pitying her situation, she was scared and hurt, but I hadn't felt a single inking of Self-Pity since she had come back to us three days ago. And she had had plenty of reason for it in just the past few hours. Needless to say, my carefully controlled plan of guiding him out of our house to minimize problems in the future flew out the window.

The painful cocktail that Bella was trying to rid herself of right now, mixed with my own anger and Alice's fear for Bella's safety burst from me as I unleashed a flurry of negative emotions that weren't even fully my own on Edward. "And whose fault is that brother? You pushed us all away. What did you expect? For us to be waiting for you with open arms as if you'd never hurt any of us? You can only hurt us so much before we can't take it anymore. If we didn't have so much history, you wouldn't have had a chance to know how much you fucked up. You would have been on a pyre before you had a chance to blink if I had thought you would be stupid enough to come and try to see Bella again. You think she meant so much to you, so much so that you had to leave to protect her. But you know what takes more strength? Not wallowing in self-pity about the hand you've been dealt and actually BEING THERE FOR HER!" I was screaming by the time I had finished and I stopped briefly to catch my breath as I continued in a leveled tone laced with anger, "Alice and I are here for her now, so are Rose and Em. She doesn't need you in her life any more, and frankly, neither do we."

Edward blinked in surprise. It was shocking for me to talk so much and I was happy with who I was becoming. I used to let everyone do as they pleased. Influencing their emotions, but never playing an active role in my life. Since my time with Maria, I had not used my gift to control my life or to effect any kind of meaningful change. I had used it to soothe. But it felt much better to take a firm role to reduce suffering before it happened, not just triaging the aftermath.

Edward pulled the door open with a shaking hand. I was sure I had projected all the anger in the house when I had yelled at him. I felt a touch guilty for it, but I had to admit, it was a huge relief to transfer all those raw emotions from everyone onto him, so he could feel the full force of what he had done to us all. He stepped over the threshold and looked over his shoulder as he spoke to me. His fear was palpable as he attempted to keep his voice even, his silhouette a stark white contrast to the dark March evening. "Thank you, Jasper, for letting me live. I won't waste this opportunity."

"I didn't do it for you." I growled as I closed the door behind him.

BPOV

As I poured my heart out onto Alice's shoulder, I finally felt like the weight of the past six months had lessened a bit. I may not be able to see a professional about this, but just being able to open up to someone who I didn't have to edit my thoughts around was enough. I didn't even need to speak, she just understood. And this is why I loved Alice. She could be an energetic, distractible pixie, sometimes insufferably so when it came to shopping. But when she loved, she loved deeply and focused soling on the ones who needed her the most. And she was so patient. She knew I had been hurt. She didn't try to rush me or get distracted by more interesting things she could have been doing. I was normally one to grieve alone but having someone to help support this weight I had been carrying for so long made it infinitely easier to think of facing Victoria. I needed to end this part of my past connection with Edward if I had any hope of having a normal life with my human aspirations later.

As my fear and other muddled emotions at Edward's reappearance drained from me, my pain and anger at seeing him came and went in waves. There were moments when I blamed myself for ever caring about him, or showing that I cared, where others I felt my thoughts lashing out at him for all he had done and how he had manipulated me. In the end, I realized that the latter thought was true. Yes, I had believed in him, but it wasn't my fault since he was a con man with almost a hundred years of practice. That thought left me feeling better overall. Despite knowing that I had been had, I could be consoled that it hadn't been me being too young and naïve, that he could probably con anyone he wished to if he put his mind to it.

Just as I was coming to this revelation, Alice gave me an extra pat on the back to get my attention. She offered me a tissue box as she wiped the tears from my face. I took a tissue and was somewhat embarrassed by the unflattering noise my nose made when I blew it so I could finally breathe properly. It was then that I noticed how my crying had left a huge splotch of moisture on Alice's fleece night shirt.

"Alice, I'm so sorry, your shirt-" I hiccupped.

Alice cut me off. "Don't even think about worrying about it Bella. It's just a little wet." She offered me her hand as she stood up. "Here, would you like me to show you where you can wash your face? I've heard it helps humans feel better after crying."

"I would like that very much Alice." I clasped her cool hand as she led me to a room adjacent to the shower room that I hadn't noticed before. There was still a basket of soaps that looked and smelled like little desserts. I chose one that looked like a purple slice of cheesecake. The smell of lavender as I foamed the soap in my hands already began to calm me. When I finished washing my face I turned to face Alice again. It surprised me how such a simple task left me feeling just a bit stronger.

I decided to plough ahead before I lost my nerve. "I-I've been through some hard stuff lately Alice, and I wanted to ask you something, since I know you've struggled too. How did you manage before you found the Cullens?

"Hooo, that's a heavy question Bella. I want to say that I did just fine because I knew I would have a family one day, but that wouldn't be fair to you. The short answer is, I didn't, not always at least. I didn't know what I was, so when I was a newborn, I didn't have anyone to teach me, only my visions to guide me on my survival. I was able to avoid the Volturi by being a vegetarian from the beginning; something not most newborns or even mature vampires can't do. I was able to control the thirst just fine, because my visions allowed me to know from the beginning that I could feed on animals and be just as satisfied. Mentally though… it was tough. My first vision was that I would find Jasper one day, and I would have a loving family, but that didn't mean I wasn't lonely as I muddled through life, just waiting for it to get better. The hurt was always there, the feeling of being abandoned, but what really stayed and nagged at me was… well the loneliness of it all. I tried a lot of things to distract myself from it, and it wasn't always a healthy way to cope...

"Oh Alice, I had no idea! You don't have to tell me! I promise, I shouldn't have asked!"

"No, no, no, no, no, no. I promise I'm okay with it. I want to share." Alice had an easy smile playing on her lips as she pulled me back to the bed "Here, get comfy." I snuggled onto the pillows and watched Alice as she readied herself. This was the first time I had asked a Cullen who wasn't Jasper something important and I was actually getting a straight answer. I couldn't believe my luck.

"First, I tried to fill the loneliness by going to bars, I thought I just needed to socialize. And it would be nice to tease the drunk humans and dance, have some fun, pretend to be drunk. But I would always have visions of things going wrong. I would be playing around and get too rough with someone and break one of their hands, or worse. I would see a girl get drugged and get too angry when confronting the guy who would have hurt her. I would always end up taking the girls home to treat them after I seeing what the doctors would use to help them the first few times. I have seen myself make so many horrible decisions and have seen the horrendous outcomes, the things I am capable of. Sometimes it's hard to untangle the person I know I am and the person I've seen screw up too many times to count.

"Oh Alice, but you aren't the bad possibilities of what could have happened, you are the person who saw what could have happened and chose to be different. Choice is very important, especially when you know what choice will lead to the best outcome."

"Bella it's not always 100% accurate. I waited forty-eight years, 1 month, nineteen days and 3 hours after my first vision of finding Jasper before I could begin to get rid of the loneliness." Alice continued in a whisper "And I didn't see what Edward would do to you, until it was too late to stop him, he had already sent us south ahead of him so he could tell you we were leaving. I failed in keeping you safe and out of harm's way. I mean what were you thinking with that cliff-?!" Alice clapped her hands over her mouth her eyes already forming tears "I shouldn't have said that! I am so sorry! Just forge-"

It was at that moment when Jasper walked in. A shocked exclamation left him "Alice! You said you wouldn't-"

I tried to brush it off as if it didn't matter, but it stung a bit to be reminded of my stupid choice. What I would have given just four days ago to know that I would have my family again. "Nope, it's already been said. And to be honest, I'm… kinda surprised no one brought it up sooner. I had a feeling at least you and Rose knew. I-its time I talk about it. All of it."

Jasper's voice almost sounded like he was … pleading with me? "Bella, you don't owe anyone an explanation."

"No, I-I need to talk about it, I mean, I've needed to talk to someone since before everything got so confused. I couldn't very well just talk about this with Charlie or some psychologist. But I've been messed up for a while now. I just need to talk with someone who can understand."

"You can always trust us," Alice encouraged. And I believed her, Sure she was talkative, but that didn't make her untrustworthy.

Jasper's arm wrapped around me as he settled next to me on the pillows "You can stop whenever you need to. We're always here for you, aren't we Alice?"

With Alice's little noise of agreement, I gathered the courage to begin. I reminded myself that I was finally safe, surrounded by those who loved me. "After Edward left I was in a deep depression for weeks. When I heard the word "catatonic" thrown around and Charlie threaten to send me back to live with Renee, it shocked me enough to snap out of it, just enough for everyone to think I was okay. I was at least able to act somewhat normal… at least in front of others. I tried to use planning Rose's wedding as a distraction from everything, but it wasn't enough. When I was just about to burst out of my skin, I decided to go out with Jessica to see a movie. I was begging for anything to distract me from the mess I'd become… And I got one…"

I heard two growls as they were beginning to connect the dots to just how screwed up things started to get. Alice took Jasper's hand as she attempted to calm both of them. "If you guys are uncomfortable I can stop."

"No, no honey we should be asking you." Alice's bell like voice sounded strained, but I knew she was trying to be supportive. "We're fine, we can take it. I mean how can we help if we don't know what happened?"

"Okay… Well, afterward, I had an incident where I… ran into a bit of trouble with some creepy guys in Port Angeles… nothing serious, but enough to get my adrenaline going. And I heard Edward. At first it was comforting to hear him, cautioning me to be careful, to be safe. It felt like I had my Guardian Angel again. And, from there I got more and more into dangerous activities, more for the thrill of it than anything. But hearing Edward became a not-so-welcome side effect. It became scary, like he was stalking me. Like he didn't care enough to stay after I was safe. And then I realized he never really cared at all."

I squeezed my eyes shut as the tears clogged my voice, threatening to spill over again. No, I was done with crying over him! "I started to feel lonelier than ever before, and I felt more and more rejected. And Finally… four days ago, it became too much." My voice cracked, I needed to get it out, but I couldn't breathe anymore.

I heard Alice's gasp of horror but Jasper's growl was what caught my attention, it was right next to my ear. His arms had wrapped around me, cool and reassuring. "You can stop, you d-don't have to keep-"

I just needed to get all of it out, before I lost the courage to say anything. I returned his embrace and buried my face in his shirt. The cool marble of his chest and arms grounded me as I made my final confession. I closed my eyes tight as I confessed into Jasper's shirt, knowing full well they would be able to hear everything. "I thought that I would do one more dangerously, stupid thing and make it a final middle finger to Edward. It would send a message that he had never been able to protect me, while also freeing me of him forever. I would never have to hear him again, or deal with the crippling feeling of being totally unwanted ever again. I-I chose one of the highest cliffs I could find," I took a deep breath. It really hurt to admit what I'd done. "And I jumped. I saw him, trying to tell me to swim, to fight. I basically told him no, that he wouldn't control me anymore. Someone had seen me jump though, one of the big guys from the Reservation. He saved me. At first, I was mad. I had really really wanted to die. But after he took me home and I saw Charlie again, I realized how much I would have given up right there. I didn't tell Charlie what I did, but I'm going to. And I'm gonna get help."

Jasper's voice was a soft growl in my ear, I felt it more than I heard it. "Yes, you will. And you will be even stronger than you are now. We'll be with you every step of the way."

I felt as Alice joined our embrace, I felt at home, which was why it pained me to say what I did next. "But- but you can't be. I-I cried more that night than I did when Edward had left. I had almost given up my life for someone who didn't even want me, and I had risked losing everyone and everything that had ever mattered to me. Once Victoria's taken care of, I can't be a part of this world anymore, there are too many lies, too many secrets, and- and too much to lose. I have Charlie to think about. I don't know how much longer I'll have him for, and he's already missed so much of my life, I can't cheat him out of what we have left. Nearly dying made me realize that I want to find out who I am, and what my passions are, I can't do that if I'm in a world that I shouldn't know about. One that takes me further from my parents when I should be leaning on them more, as I start striking out on my own. I love you all so much, you're my family, but he is too. And this wasn't a world I was supposed to know about. And I can't have both."

It tore me open to admit this to them, even though I was so happy to have this hole in my heart filled again. Oh, I'd missed them so. I just needed to get through one more obstacle before I could try to resume a normal, human life. I just had to survive Victoria.

Authors Note:

Hey Everyone! So sorry for the late update, but I had some serious writer's block this month. I re-wrote Jasper's POV like, at least three times. And combining that with having a lot of overtime at work lately, this chapter was pretty slow going.

I wanted to show Edward as misguided and stuck in the past. I notice a lot of fics where it is Bella x Anyone, Edward is portrayed as mean spirited, a general insensitive jerk or actively trying to emotionally hurt Bella. I wanted to opt for an Edward that is much like the one written by Haemophilus Leona. Edward's thought/ action processes make much more sense when coming from someone who hasn't changed their way of treating people in a hundred some odd years. It doesn't mean he doesn't care, he just never learned the modern way of showing it, hence his old habits of showing it are considered abusive/ controlling behavior patterns.

Given that, I wanted to give him some modern-day consequences where people actually call him out. His behavior hurt everyone, and he needed motivation to be a better person. Not that that will get him back together with Bella or his family, but I want him to have the possibility of him having a life where he can be happy, just not near Bella.

I also changed the rating to "M" partly because I want to have more room to cuss when things get intense (and they definitely will) and partly because, well, relationships are fun to be "descriptive" about. So you have been advised :)

Thank you once again for all your reviews, I do read everything, and during my month-long battle with writer's block, it was a huge motivation to see how many people were still commenting and reading my fic.