TW: insinuations of child abuse. Panic attacks and PTSD.
This chapter is a bit of a delve into Theo and his past.
TLDR at the end for those who wish to skip it.
The moment Theo apperated to Nott manor, he could feel a cloud of darkness overcoming his whole demeanour. He wanted to help with the research and he knew that the books within its library would very likely give them that extra information they required, and honestly he could admit to himself he was a massive swot and the idea of research was practically foreplay for him, but this place, the house he grew up in, was a place that haunted his nightmares every night.
Normally he would avoid it at all costs. He swore he could hear the screams and pleading from his younger self, almost like they were trapped within the walls. Everywhere he turned within the house it was like the furniture taunted him, the portraits sneered and laughed at him, and in particular rooms he was convinced he could smell the metallic scent of his spilled blood.
It was his own personal Niflheim, with his father taking over the role of Hel as it's ruler.
He wished for nothing more than to stand outside and cast fiendfyre, watching as the whole place turned to ashes. An incendio would never be enough to erase the darkness that lived in its walls.
As much as he tried to run from his past, to forget it, his father would always occupy a room in his mind in the darkest recesses, like a parasite that would never release it's hold.
Being here triggered memories he had fought tooth and nail to keep buried, to keep pushed down and hidden with his mask of the fun, sarcastic Theo - he was that person, he knew that. He knew that being away from his fathers hold had allowed him to blossom into his true self, rather than the quiet, reserved boy he had once been forced to be. But being here, allowing the familiar sights and smells to invaded his senses, he could feel the debilitating terror, the necessity to not be seen and not be heard in order to survive creeping into his every movement.
The more he tried to fight the feeling, the harder his body and mind tried to force him into it, his entire being demanding he escape or hide.
He pushed on in the direction of the library and began to feel like the oxygen was being sucked from his vicinity. His body was vibrating with the demand that he leave. His shirt collar tightening, trying to strangle the little air he was managing to pull into his lungs as he reached up with shaking hands to undo the buttons.
He can't hurt you anymore.
Draco made sure he got you out.
He isn't even here, he is away on a mission for the Dark Lord.
He won't see you, won't hear you.
You're safe.
He repeated the mantra over and over again as he closed his eyes and tried to steady his breathing.
He isn't here.
He cannot hurt you.
He placed his head on the cool wood of the library doors attempting to ground himself, to bring a cold relief to his severely overheating body. Breathing in, holding it and releasing it again, imagining his panic leaving his body with every exhale until he was more under control.
He needed to do this quickly before he completely broke.
Pushing the doors open he stepped inside the vast space of the library.
This had always been his safe place, a place he could go to escape the misery of his childhood, to find a book and curl up inside a hidden place where he couldn't be found and insert himself into the story.
He could escape his reality for a few hours, flying high with dragons or swimming deep down with the mermaids. He could imagine himself as strong and unbreakable and above all, safe.
He raised shaking fingers and ran them along the spines on the closest shelf, closing his eyes and inhaling the familiar comforting scent of old books, allowing himself to be filled with it as a small smile tugged at his lips.
His face fell when he reached the end of the shelf as he turned his eyes to the section he needed to go to.
The air in that part of the library was suffocating, dark magic from the books it contained filling the space around it like tendrils grabbing for anything it could sink itself into, to infect, to own, to possess. They fed off of the misery and pain he had been filled with as a child within these walls and even now he could feel them reaching for him, whispering for him to come closer so they could get their fix.
Coming here alone had been a mistake. He thought he would manage, thought he could hold himself together to do this, but he was quickly realising that just because he was able to push his trauma to a room in his mind didn't mean he could keep it there indefinitely.
The door was locked, but this place was the key and it was slipping into place, turning to open the door and let it all flood out.
His eyes darted around for an escape, for somewhere to run, to hide.
Must be quiet.
Must be unseen.
His feet began moving without his say so, his mind completely overtaken by fight or flight instincts, heart beating so hard it felt like it was coming out his chest as he reached up, tangling his hand in his shirt over it as if that would keep it from bursting through.
He stopped at a little space in the corner where he knew there was a loose panel of wood that slid away to expose a tiny space within the wall, a tiny space where adult Theo would no longer fit.
Panic consumed him, filling him entirely as his legs gave out below him and he sank to the ground. Memories playing out in his head so vividly he could no longer discern what was reality.
A door slamming.
Heavy footfalls behind him.
"You are a disappointment, a disgrace to the Nott name."
"Notts do not cry."
"One way or another, that softness will be trained out of you boy"
Spit on his face or was that blood from earlier punishments.
"Crucio!"
Hot white searing pain.
"Please sir, I'll be better I promise. Please don't hurt me. I'll make you proud, I swear it."
Crunching of bones and tearing of skin as heavy boots came down on his body over and over again.
A crack as one of the elves appeared to announce the Malfoy's arrival.
A soft hand caressing him as Mippy leaned over him, using her elf magic to mend broken bones and ease some of the pain. They always did what they could to help, crying with him as they repaired the internal damage, leaving the external so as not to anger his father more and make the next time worse.
Worse would be death and really, would that be worse if it stopped the suffering?
Gently being pulled into tiny arms as Mippy apperated him to the library, tucking him into the secret place, hiding him from his father in the place he didn't know of, wrapping him in a blanket with a small kiss to the head before she disappeared to answer her master's call.
Light footsteps as he curled himself up smaller.
Must be quiet.
Must be unseen.
A gasp and a sob as he was pulled against a chest as small as his own and a familiar comforting scent encapsulating him.
"I'm here Theo. I'm here and we will get you away from here one day soon and you won't ever have to come back. I promise."
Draco.
The only other person that knew about his secret place.
Sobs wracked his body as the scent overtook him, not just in his memory, but also in the present.
Draco had come for him.
Draco was holding him, keeping all his broken pieces together just like he always had.
"I'm here Theo. I'm here. I'm always here. We got you away. We did it and you didn't need to come back here alone. I've always got your back. You are my brother and I will go with you anywhere. Always"
Tears continued to stream as he let it all out.
He was safe.
Draco was here and he was safe.
He wasn't a little boy in an inescapable prison anymore.
He could leave.
"T-the book. Black one o-on the third sh-s-shelf section six"
Draco pressed a kiss to his forehead and extracted himself from Theo.
A whine escaped Theo's lips at the loss of his brother's protective presence wrapped around him but he was back kneeling down by his side a moment later presenting a book.
"This the one?" He asked.
All the energy was drained from Theo completely and he could only answer with a nod of affirmation.
Draco wrapped his arms around him, pulling him to his feet and supporting the weight of his body as he led him out of the library and towards the exit, whispering words of comfort to him and placing kisses to his forehead until they arrived outside the wards and Draco turned them both on the spot, leaving the darkness behind and taking them home.
Theo's eyes dropped closed as his entire body shut down with relief and exhaustion.
Safe.
Draco always comes for me.
The thought repeated in his mind as his body gave in and sleep took him.
TLDR: Theo goes to Nott manor to find the book he remembered from his childhood that may be useful to the ritual. flashbacks of his past lead to him having a debilitating breakdown and Draco comes and takes him home again with the book.