Draco Malfoy killed Minerva.
She basically asked him to kill her.
Professor McGonagall had died at the hands of Draco bleeding Malfoy.
Was it a mercy or maliciousness?
Am I angry or relieved?
These thoughts had spun around Hermione's head since the moment she had witnessed the exchange. They flooded her mind as she had ran to help Tonks shepherd the children out of the midst of the fighting. They had drilled into her as she had gathered the injured, burrowed deep while they tried their best to save anyone they could with their small amount of knowledge of muggle medicine.
The scene was stuck on repeat in her head, and even as the dust finally settled after the raid she couldn't decide how she felt.
"I am too old for this war Mr Malfoy."
The acceptance on her face.
The almost blinding green light.
The flicker of emotion in Malfoy's eyes.
The Death Eaters closing in.
One last look at her Head of House laying on the ground completely still before she had to run.
Due to her inability to truly figure out what she had witnessed she hadn't told anyone else who's wand point Minerva had been killed at. At least, this was what she was telling herself was the reason for her secrecy - admittedly she was sure there were deeper reasons, ones she just wasn't emotionally stable enough to read into right now.
It was also only one of the scenes that had permanently been branded into her brain from the raid, and as a result she had been carrying out all her tasks like she was on autopilot. Shoving the emotions behind the walls in her mind meant she was functioning better than a lot of the Order members, but every time a new trauma was added she could feel the walls buckle under the sheer weight of what they held back.
The cracks were showing at night, when she would close her eyes her eyelids functioned like a projector. Movie marathons featuring bodies she had seen strewn on the ground, the screams of her fellow Order members as they were hit with curses, the light going out of the innocent's eyes while she struggled to find a way to heal them. Friends, people she went to school with, mentors, the elderly, the young; all melded together to create her own personal horror and not one spared. Yet when she watched Minerva's death replay she felt a deep seated relief that someone she loved so dearly no longer had to suffer, and that it had been quick and painless.
When you live on the losing side of a war that is really the only thing you can wish for.
So while those who had returned to base camp felt a deep sadness for the Professor's death, Hermione felt a peacefulness over it. Yes she was sad she would not see the witch any more, not talk about academics or be able to go to her for advice, but she was glad that her fight was over now.
Charlie and Luna had remained at a safe camp helping with the injured and gathering supplies. Hermione and Neville's bedside manner had much to be desired these days, and seeing those fighting for their lives only made them more vengeful therefore they made the choice to return home. They would strike back, but they couldn't allow their emotions to dictate their actions and an attack without a plan was basically suicide.
Therefore while they waited for the Slytherins to contact them about Theo's book that they currently had hidden away in their hideout, they began sorting through every bit of research they had gathered, deciding what to keep and what could be tossed.
It was here, secluded away from the rest of the Order, that things went from bad to worse.
Their secrets and lies finally coming crashing down around them.
The full moon was far too close for comfort, Remus was admittedly becoming extremely panicked over his inability to find somewhere safe to transform.
Despite their past he had been grateful for Snape's brewing abilities, both when he had been the DADA professor and again once they had had to go into hiding. His experience of Wolfsbane had been limited but Snapes had been the most effective he had ever consumed, but now there was none left. He would face this full moon for the first time in a long time without keeping his own mind.
Between Kingsley and Minervas deaths and the recent raids and losses, he already felt like he had failed the Order.
The idea that he couldn't protect them from himself was eating at him.
There wasn't a chance he would return to camp again until he found a safe space, the wolf in him clawing at the surface needed to be contained and he needed a solid plan. The hopelessness of their situation, mixed with the anger of his wolf that pushed to the forefront this close to the moon, had rage flaring inside his veins.
He moved slower than usual through the wooded area, every step sending shooting pains through his joints. Between the lycanthropy and the war he felt like he must have aged one hundred years, even Nymphadora had lost some of her sparkle these days. It didn't seem fair that he was still here while so many had died before they had reached adulthood, before they had had a chance to live.
Even in their short lives, dear Lily and James had had a chance to experience love, marriage and even a taste of parenthood before it had been cut short.
The children that had been slaughtered during the attack had never even had a chance to live a childhood that wasn't constructed entirely of fear.
His mind wandered to Harry, as it did so frequently these days. The 'boy who lived' had never really lived, never had a chance to experience childhood in the way most took for granted. He had lost his life fighting a war that should have been fought by adults, and the pain and guilt Remus held over that fact always weighed so heavily over him.
Yes, the Marauders had all been young when they had fought in the first war, but they had at least managed to graduate from Hogwarts beforehand. They had not been fighting Voldemort from the age of eleven, and Dumbledore hadn't got his claws into them so early on in their teens. Out of everyone the past headmaster had manipulated, it was Harry that had truly been played like a puppet, and the recollection that Remus had been so blinded by loyalty at the time made his anger burn brighter.
As he fought to keep his emotions at bay he caught sight of a small outhouse through the trees. It wasn't much, in fact it looked like it could fall apart at any given moment, but it may be his only option at this point. He would just have to make sure to leave early enough for Tonks to properly chain him before the moon rose.
It was the sound of voices, and familiar scents in the air that caused him to pause at the door. There were people inside, no one should be this far out from camp but he was certain that the scents were too familiar for them not to be Order members. Slowly pushing the door open he crept inside following the sound of the conversation and realising it was coming from below.
Searching the ground he found the trap door and paused for a moment, reining in his anger and frustration before he confronted whoever was here. He knew that his mental state was not ideal, nor completely his own right now and couldn't afford to let himself slip further into it. It was all in vain though, as the voices became clearer to him and it finally clicked who it was and what they were discussing.
"We are going to have to try and find some bigger meeting spots, the damage they've done to the Order can't go without any retaliation." Hermione Granger's voice drifted up through the trapdoor.
"We can ask them if there is any going on, but we've had absolutely no luck with getting rid of anyone of real importance recently. There's only so much we can do without magic 'Mione, and since our last few hits they are upping their patrols during the meetings."
As Neville Longbottom's voice reached Remus he felt his teeth grind together. These kids, the ones he had taught the basics of defence to, the ones that had barely been up to his shoulder when he met them, were the ones defying the Order. They were the ones rebelling and going out to kill on their own. He had known they were frustrated with the Order's ways, but never had he thought they would betray his trust like this.
Ripping the door open, he didn't even bother to descend the stairs as he growled "Get the hell up here you two, now!"
The command was guttural, and Hermione felt her heart sink to her stomach as she looked at a pale faced Neville.
"Well, shit." He muttered, pushing his chair back and offering his hand to her, "Best not keep him waiting."
She couldn't speak, only offering a slight nod as she took his hand and followed him. The space wasn't big by any means, but the walk up the stairs felt like a mile long trek to the gallows. Only made worse by the furious face of Remus staring down at them, and in that moment Hermione had never seen him so closely resemble his wolf. A chill ran down her spin and she swore she felt Neville shiver at the same time.
As they made it to the top of the stairs Remus took two steps back, just enough to allow them out the door but not enough to offer up any real semblance of personal space. Neville had come a long way from the quiet, scared child he had been in his earlier years, but looking at him now was like time travelling back to one of Snape's classes. Clearly he wasn't going to be of much help, so it was up to Hermione to try to talk them out of this.
"Remus we…"
"Don't!" The bass of his voice rattled round the empty space, "Don't insult me by trying to make up any excuses, I heard you two! All this time you both have been going against everything I have said, undermining what we stand for, what Harry stood for!"
At the mention of Harry's name the last pieces of Hermione's already short temper snapped, "Against his wishes? You were there, you saw what they did to him!" She screamed, "His wish was to end this, end the suffering, the fighting, the unnecessary deaths, and instead you want us to sit around and wait for the grim reaper to come knocking at the door!"
She watched as he balled his fists, nostrils flaring as his breathing grew heavier, his anger was palatable.
"So you thought you two could go out and win the war between you?" The laugh that left his lips was even more terrifying than his shouting, and it caused both Neville and Hermione to shift backwards slightly. "I don't have the luxury of going out there and doing whatever I want! In case you haven't noticed, somehow the weight of the whole Order has fallen upon my shoulders, some of us don't get to play with fate when we have so many people relying on them to keep them alive. But no, you two have decided the rules don't apply to you, that you can just ignore the rules we put in place to try to keep you safe, and in doing so have lost sight of everything we stand for!"
"No, we lost everyone we loved and decided we were done with losing any more Lupin." Neville said, his voice seeped in malise. If there was one thing that would push Nevilles buttons it was downplaying what he had been through, what they had been through. "How dare you make out that all of this order falls on you, you aren't the only one who has sacrificed more than should ever be asked. Just remember that while you sit on your high horse that both Harry and I grew up with no parents thanks to what you all failed to do the first time round! We have been living with sacrifices before we could even understand them!"
No, no, no, no, no, this was about to go nuclear. Hermione grabbed Nevilles arm and squeezed it, hoping to rein in any more biting retorts but it was Remus that served the next blow.
"Yes, and I was old enough to know them and mourn them all. I have watched everyone I have cared about die, and I vowed I wouldn't let anyone else be tainted by that wizard if I could prevent it. I should bring you both up there now to let the Order decide what we will do with you, but they don't deserve the heartbreak of knowing what you both have become. I want you both gone within the next hour."
Hermione flinched, the pain radiating inside as she realised what he had just said. They were being removed from the Order, no chance to defend themselves, to give one last try at convincing others that their methods worked, just shunned from the people they had tried to protect without a second thought.
"Fine," She finally responded, "But tell them what we have done, they deserve to know we haven't abandoned them."
"They deserve to know someone is fighting for them." Neville added on.
Remus' expression was honestly the most terrifying thing Hermione had ever witnessed, the sneer he gave them revealed canines that looked sharper than usual. His whole demeanour wasn't the person they had known and cared for, and she had never been more tempted to run from someone in her whole life.
"They don't need to know that every last bit of good has left you two, I will tell them something, but it won't be that two people they love have betrayed them so deeply." He turned and started to walk away from them, before he left he spoke over his shoulder, "I was so proud of you both, truly thought it was an honour to have mentored you and have you with us, but now I don't think I ever knew you. Never in my wildest dreams did I think you two would grow to be stone cold killers. One hour."
With those final words feeling like a punch to the gut Hermione was frozen in place, Neville looking just as lost beside her.
They had one hour to pack up everything they had and leave, Luna and Charlie weren't even here for them to explain everything to, and where the hell would they even go? She was numb.
Neville muttered to himself as they hurriedly packed anything they could carry, but no words were exchanged between them. One thousand different thoughts flitted through Hermione's mind but she couldn't grasp a single one of them, so entranced in the whirlwind in her brain she nearly jumped a mile when a small hand placed a blanket in the rucksack she had been packing up.
"Luna!?" She squeaked, unable to believe the blonde was in front of her. Neville whipped round and his face broke into a smile that spread from ear to ear.
"Can't talk, I have to get my things gathered as well!" She said, then flitted over to her bed and untied the dreamcatcher that was tethered above it.
"Luna, what the hell are you doing here? Why are you packing?"
She turned back round and looked at Hermione like she had grown a second head before responding, "Obviously I am coming with you."
Hermione and Neville exchanged a puzzled glance before Neville tried to get a clearer answer, "Luna you weren't even supposed to be here, what the hell is going on?"
With a dramatic sigh Luna turned away from the belongings she had been shoving into a bag.
"I woke up this morning and knew I had to come home." The way she stated it was as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, "Plus you two don't get to go without me, we are in this together."
Hermione felt a well of love swell up inside her, Luna may be residing somewhere on another planet half the time, but she was too good for any of them. So instead of arguing they all resumed packing up, and once they had lifted anything that was important they headed out of the tent and then out of the camp altogether.
While they trudged through the undergrowth on the outskirts of the camp Luna pulled out their mobile phone and held it to her ear. Neville gave her a questioning look and she covered the mouthpiece as she said "Well we need somewhere to go don't we?" Then she quickly stopped covering the phone and began to speak to whoever was on the other end of the line.
"Hello, sorry to disturb you but we need to speak to you. Can you come meet us?"
Despite them straining their ears neither Neville or Hermione could hear the other side of the conversation.
"Yes, yes, I had a feeling you would be free."
"No, nothing majorly important, nothing to worry yourself over."
"Hmmm yes, probably best you don't bring him along then."
"Lovely, see you soon."
She placed the phone back in her pocket and continued to walk, completely oblivious to the two people behind her waiting for some form of explanation.
"Luna who the hell was that?" Hermione was the first to break the silence.
"Theo of course, it's time we asked our friends for help isn't it?"
Hermione was doing a damn good impression of a goldfish out of water, her brain having finally upped and left her. Neville wasn't much better, and the whole journey to their regular meet up spot was spent trying to string half decent arguments together as to why they absolutely did not need help from Theo or any of the other Slytherins. Alas, it was all in vain as Luna simply replied over and over that she had a feeling this was what was best.
Merlin strike me down.
Hermione pleaded internally as they waited, truly not wanting to have to have this encounter at all. The absolutely last thing she needed was to be met by the smug face of the man who had been consuming her thoughts recently and admit that she may in fact need his help.