Spock learns about the mental health of the crew

Group Therapy

Uhura loved being able to just spend her leisure time working on personal projects and of course spending time with her husband, but she was an extrovert and she was used to spending time on the bridge with the crew or having fun in the rec rooms with her friends. This isolation was starting to make her feel left out of the action. Life moved on as normal for everyone else on the ship while she and Spock waited on pins and needles for the cure to the virus he had contracted.

It was times like this she needed to be around people. There was one place she could go where she wouldn't be asked awkward questions or gossiped about.

So she put on her uniform and was just brushing her hair up into a simple bun when Spock asked where she was going.

"There is a support group meeting for the crew that I attend sometimes. It's been a while so I thought I'd stop by."

"Support group?" Spock questioned.

"Yes, support meeting, group counseling, what have you. A group of crew members gets together to work through different issues they face in the service." She looked at Spock with surprise. "I can't believe something happens on the Enterprise that you don't know about?"

"I know that Dr. Noel and Dr. McCoy have advocated for such psychological health services. However, I was unaware that you attended them."

"Well, you wouldn't know who attends them unless you actually go yourself. It's supposed to be discrete. I mean it's no secret the meetings exist but I'm sure some attendees want to remain inconspicuous."

"Is that so? I would think private counseling would prove more anonymous. However, I will leave you to your meeting."

Uhura noted a change in Spock's temperament. He suddenly seemed stiff and closed off. Now, what was this all about? "Is there something the matter? Did you... want to join me this evening?"

"No. No, if this is something you do regularly..."

"Well, I wouldn't say regularly, just sometimes; especially after a tough mission. Just because the danger is over and the captain orders us on to the next planet, that doesn't mean we all are ready to leave events in the past. For some of us, it takes time to cope." She explained.

"I see." That was all Spock said.

Uhura hated nothing so much as when Spock retreated into his curt sentences. Something was clearly bothering him, but typical Spock was attempting to fob it all off.

"What is it Spock, I know something is bothering you about my attending these meetings, so what is it?"

"Forgive me Nyota, I hadn't realized... I suppose it is quite logical for you to pursue therapy for your trauma."

Nyota narrowed her eyes. "What trauma are you referring to?"

Spock looked away. "Something has been bothering you since our return from Vulcan. I suppose this is because of our forced bonding and the events that have transpired since?"

"What? No! Why would you ever think that?" She asked, truly surprised.

"It is generally known that they prescribed such therapies for... for survivors of physical or sexual assault..."

"What? And you think you assaulted me?" Uhura couldn't believe what he was saying.

"I do not merely think it. That is the nature of the Pon Farr."

Spock's responses baffled Uhura. He thought he assaulted her? Hadn't they hashed this out already?

"Spock, look at me." She stood her ground with hands on her hips. "If you had assaulted me in any way, shape, or form do you think I'd be here talking to you right now? Do you think I would have stayed on Vulcan with your family and performed in ceremonies and defended you from T'Pring! Do you think I would have tolerated your company let alone let you make love to me?" The more she thought about it, the angrier she became "Spock I don't believe you! You should know me better than that at least! Do you even remember what happened in that cave?"

"You know I do not possess total recall of those events. But it doesn't matter. I... you did not know what you were agreeing to. And I also infected you with my Katra..."

"Well, I do remember what happened, and if anything I violated you, you could not even give consent with the fever raging."

"Consent was implied in our bonding..." He said automatically.

"Ick! Stop! There is no such thing as implied consent. Married or bonded or whatever, you have a right to your own body and so do I. Look, Spock, I knew what I was agreeing to and what I needed to do to save you. What happened during our bonding was not an assault. It was consensual and I'm not traumatized by that or anything that's happened since then. Okay?"

"But you were different afterward. You were very angry with me, you broke my nose, you ran away from me to Argelius... " Spock listed her many transgressions.

"Of course! I'd just had my life turned upside down. I was suddenly married to you and in a bond that can't be broken because you're in my head. One minute I was on the ship minding my own business and the next thing I know I'm on Vulcan, bonded and your new matriarch, and we hadn't even had a proper date!"

"But that's beside the point." She continued, "don't you think for one moment that I would ever tolerate abuse from you, Mister? If you do something to hurt me I'm gonna let you know, and I hope you would do the same to me."

Uhura softened her tone as she saw his expression of disbelief. "Yes, I was angry after our bonding. I leaped before I looked, but that was my own decision and my problem to work out. I told you, I hurt myself more than you have ever hurt me."

"And believe it or not, these meetings help with more than just trauma. It's not just for victims of sexual assault or violence on missions, it's support for whatever's bothering you. We see death and destruction and often times we witness millions of innocent victims of the most horrible things. These missions can be stressful and nights can be awfully lonely. On a ship full of strange people, strange food, strange quarters, for many it's the first time so far from home, and add to that, missions that tax you physically, mentally, and emotionally. Sometimes you just need somebody to lean on."

"If you have a near-death experience, who do you talk to when your family is a million miles away? What if you lose a loved one while the ship is on radio silence? Who grieves with you? Who wishes you a happy birthday?" She asked.

Spock had experienced all of those things while serving on the Enterprise and he had done so alone. That is, until he met Nyota. She had served him hot chocolate and plomeek tea when he was ill and had dished out her unique brand of sympathy and compassion whenever he was hurting. But who did those things for her? It had not occurred to Spock that Nyota might need tea and sympathy sometimes too. As a Vulcan, he felt ill-equipped to offer such emotional support, yet another failure on his part.

"Nyota, I apologize. I was-"

"I know what you were," Uhura said gently. "You were punishing yourself for sins not committed. You've been carrying around this guilt all this time, and I probably just piled on the guilt with my erratic behavior. I am sorry it happened, all of it, the misunderstandings, the anger, the fear. If we'd just talked to one another... Anyway, I think you should come to a meeting and see what it's really all about."

"I doubt I would be welcomed."

"All are welcome, that's the point, crewmen helping each other."

"As a Vulcan, I don't see what I can contribute-"

"As a Vulcan officer, you can learn something about human emotions and perhaps your own emotions, too. That's what we do there, discuss our feelings and learn how to cope with them from each other. Vulcans are not immune to trauma. I know you have fears, I know you have feelings even if you can't acknowledge them openly. I think you'll be surprised by what you learn. Come with me. Please?"

Spock would do anything to make Nyota happy, so he reluctantly agreed to attend the support group. His eyebrows rose in surprise when he observed some of the other attendees of the meeting which took place in the ship's auditorium. Mr. Scott was there, seated in a quiet nook as were Mr. Kyle and Mr. Chekov, who Spock was beginning to see as a young protege. Nyota explained that one rule of these meetings was to just listen and not judge. You didn't acknowledge your professional relationships or rank in the group, this was personal and the things said here were private to the group.

Spock listened as crew members talked about their day-to-day lives, their struggles with their assignments, the stress of being away from their families and friends, and the worry of what the future would bring once the current mission was at its end.

Mr. Scott spoke about his most recent brush with death and his recurring dreams about the Nomad probe killing him. Nyota joined Scott and told him she understood his struggle with coping and recounted her own dealings with Nomad, losing her memory, and the fear upon waking up to a room full of strangers and seeing a stranger in the mirror as well.

Others in the group offered words of support and understanding when Lieutenant Kyle revealed that his father had just passed away and he was unable to attend him at the end of his life or attend his funeral.

Spock listened to the testimonies in awe. That these people whom he worked with day in and day out should harbor such feelings, and were dealing with such issues. The ensign whose mother was ill, and the engineer grieving for a friend lost on the last mission. Nearly everyone spoke of something that was troubling them except Spock. Though he could understand the human need to share experiences, he couldn't bring himself to expose his own to these people, fellow crew members or not. It simply was not the Vulcan way.

However, he did gain a better understanding of his human shipmates. He was perhaps often too hard on them, expecting them to perform their duties minus emotion despite the circumstances, but now he saw that humans could not simply turn off their emotions and behave logically when the need required it or when the emergency was over. They were constantly in emotional turmoil. Much like himself.

Spock had foolishly thought that by restoring Nyota's memories after Nomad's attack, she would simply put the incident behind her and move forward with her life as usual. Now he learned that she would never be "over it". The experience was now woven into the fabric of her life, shaping her personality and her responses until the next life-altering event occurred to weave a new pattern.

And Nyota was magnificent, offering support, comfort, wisdom to those who spoke. She didn't testify about her recent marital issues, but she offered empathy to everyone who gave testimony. Spock noted that when she confessed to sharing similar feelings, others in the group seemed soothed. It seemed to Spock they believed, "If Lieutenant Uhura can overcome it, then so can I".

Spock realized that Nyota had a talent for empathy. Her powers were limited, but she definitely had some psi ability. Perhaps that is what drew him to her, not just her graceful form, or her lovely voice, but also her exquisite mind. From the moment that she stepped aboard the Enterprise, he had been attracted to her. He had been drawn to her like an insect to a flame, knowing he would be burned, but willing to risk destruction for a chance to bask in her warmth. He had fought his attraction to her until the fever had rendered him incapable of resisting any longer, and he had burned in her flame.

As he thought these illogical thoughts, the meeting was winding down and participants were beginning to leave. Uhura stayed behind to speak to a small group of her most devoted admirers, Chekov, Scotty, and a new ensign in the communications department. She smiled and patted them on the back and spread her warmth. He was proud of her, proud to call her his wife. Jim and Lieutenant Masters were correct. It was time for them to announce their marriage to the crew.

"Aduna, the hour grows late," Spock said to her, much as Sarek would have called Amanda to his side. Was this what his father felt for his mother? This overwhelming need to protect, to possess? Was this what it meant to be a Vulcan male, alert, aggressive, the need to defend what was his at all costs? Spock wanted to snatch her up and carry her to his cabin and claim her as his own over and over again.

He extended his fingers in the Ozh'esta. She beamed her bright smile at him, bid her friend's goodnight, and came to him, hips swaying, eyes laughing, and touched her fingers to his. And at that moment Spock indeed felt like that Superman who could save the world with his girl at his side.

Uhura felt as if she were walking on air as Spock accompanied her from the meeting. Something had changed in him. She couldn't quite put her finger on it but he was different. Perhaps the meeting was good for him, even if he hadn't taken part. He seemed settled, at peace with himself. If possible, he seemed even more confident than his usual arrogant manner. Whatever it was, she liked it.

"So," she said as the door slid shut to their quarters, "how was it?"

"It was very enlightening."

"Specify?" Uhura inquired.

"I discovered humans are equally resilient as they are fragile," Spock told her.

"Is that so?" she asked. "Am I equally resilient and fragile?"

"You are especially resilient, and yes you are also fragile. Fortunately, you have me to protect you." Spock said, and he led her into their bedroom.

"That sounds rather arrogant, Spock."

"Of course it is. I'm A Vulcan and you are my wife."

"Yes, I am," she answered, bringing their lips together to end any further discussion.

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Note: I'm just posting some of these chapters that don't advance the plot but were fun to write. At this point, I'm thinking plot? Who needs a plot?