Christine discovers she's not alone.

In my life where everything was wrong
Something finally went right
Now there's two less lonely people
In the world tonight

~Two Less Lonely People in the World by Air Supply~

Two Less Lonely People

The vacuum of space was cold and infinite. Christine pressed her head against the plasteel window of the ship's empty observation deck contemplating the big deep outside. At this time of night, not many people loitered about this deck, instead choosing their beds or the beds of their lovers. But Christine had no lover's bed to loiter in. So she stood alone in the dark of night wondering what had happened to the course of her life? How had she ended up like this, cold, alone, unloved, unfulfilled? This was not how it was supposed to be.

When she left home, she was supposed to marry Roger Korby, have his children, build a life with him and a career for herself. But she'd done none of those things. Roger was dead, she was single, childless, and her career was adrift. She was a nurse. Not even a Doctor. Well, she was a doctor, just not a medical one. She took orders from Dr. McCoy and Dr. M'Benga every day while she let her Ph.D. in biology and research rot. And for what?

For a man. For two men. One of them dead, and the other married. What would Roger think if he could see her pining away for a married man? Crying over a man who'd never given her the time of day, or devoted a second thought to her. A man who thought of her as only a colleague at most and a nuisance minimum?

She should be out there making scientific discoveries, but instead, she was wasting away mending boo-boos. It was crazy. She was crazy. When she thought of all the things she'd done over the years, hoping to catch Spock's attention, she cringed. The times she humiliated herself for him. And for what? He still belonged to someone else. Someone who Christine could admit, in the dark of night, was more suited for Spock than herself.

Uhura was ambitious. She had worked her way up the ranks and was on track to become a first officer or ship's captain someday. She had shown intelligence and grace under pressure when she had to take command of the Enterprise to save the male crew. She was someone Spock could admire. Someone he would be proud to present to his family and peers. Someone who would be an asset to him if Spock should decide to follow in his father's footsteps and become a diplomat.

The time Christine had spent chasing Spock could have been spent chasing her own dreams. But what dreams? She had spent years on the Enterprise dreaming of being with Spock but she hadn't spent any time planning for a future without him. Now she had the rest of her life to figure out. Now that she had her self-esteem back, she was all on her own again, with the future laid out ahead of her like the endless stars she could see through the window. "Now what?" she wondered aloud.

"Christine? What are you doing here at this time of the day?"
Chris turned at the sound of Dr. M'Benga's voice. He was sitting in a darkened corner surrounded by a halo of smoky vapor that was slowly being sucked into the ship's vent.

"You mean morning? Most of the ship is still asleep. What are you doing here? I thought you'd be back on Vulcan by now."

He stood and walked over to her and she saw he was puffing on some kind of smoking device. "Is that thing even good for your health?"

"Nope," he said, taking another puff. "But it is relaxing. And to answer your other question, my studies have been postponed for a while because of my testimony at the trial. I come here sometimes when I can't sleep, when the thoughts become overwhelming, or when I want to indulge." He held up his device.

"I would think you'd use some of that Vulcan knowledge and meditate or something else that's healthy."

"You would think so, wouldn't you? But I never went in for that kind of stuff. Unlike Vulcans, I'm illogical and I like my emotions. I like feeling what I feel, freely," he smiled.

"Really? I always thought you were into Vulcan culture. I guess I just assumed you would practice their teachings because you studied there."

"No. But you study Vulcan culture, don't you?"

"Yes. Well, I guess I've always led with my heart rather than my brain. Very human of me, huh? I feel like a fool."

"Don't sweat it, Chris. You know the old saying 'Everybody plays the fool sometimes."

"Really? Have you ever played the fool Dr. M'benga?"

"Sure I have." He said thoughtfully. "It's one of the reasons I left Vulcan and joined Starfleet."

Chris turned back to the window and stared at the stars. "What does she have that I haven't?" Christine suddenly asked.

"Who?" he asked as if he didn't already know.

"Uhura. What did she do that I didn't?"

"She has Spock, literally. I can't explain it any more than that." M'Benga said.

"Yeah." Not him too, Christine thought. Everyone was on Uhura's side, but she thought at least Jeff was her friend.

M'Benga recognized her annoyance and tried to explain. "Christine, this bond Spock and Uhura share is beyond human comprehension. The Vulcans have a word, Shon-ha'lock. The engulfment. It means that from the moment you see someone, you're engaged. You cannot turn away from it and you cannot fight it. You want to be with no other."

"It sounds illogical and nothing like Vulcans," Christine said.

"It is quite illogical and quite taboo. The Vulcans do not encourage romantic relationships. They prefer well ordered, prearranged marriages."

"So, how did Uhura and Spock end up together?" she wondered.

"Spock is no ordinary Vulcan. He left home and turned his back on Vulcan for many years. Apparently, he chose the Human path for a while before embracing Surak completely. In the end, he fell in love with a human, just as his father did. It is as simple and illogical as that."

"I still don't understand it."

"People like Spock and Sarek make up their own logic. The rest of us, we're just slaves to it."

"I just wish I could have had at least a date, just one night with Spock. One chance to be with him."

"Vulcan's don't usually date casually."

"But Spock and Uhura have been seen in restaurants and discos. They cut it up together everywhere they go."

"Spock and Uhura are not a typical Vulcan couple. Typically, Vulcans meet their mates when they get bonded as children. If they are lucky, they may become friends and maybe even lovers before the wedding. But if not... then they still must marry each other."

"That sounds illogical, too. Spock told me something about it. How do they bear it?"

"Logically."

"How do you know so much about Vulcan marriage? I thought it was all taboo and hush-hush to off-worlders."

"I was born and raised on Vulcan to human parents. And I loved a Vulcan woman once. I saw her and thought I had experienced the Shon-ha'lock. I followed her around like a homeless puppy." He smiled in remembrance. "I was 17 and she was around 35 Earth years."

Christine gasped.

"She didn't look much older than 20. Vulcans age differently," he reassured her. "But imagine my surprise to learn Vulcans are bonded as mates in childhood. That no matter how much I loved her, no matter how much my heart would beat only for her, she could never be with me. Not even if she wanted to. And she did not want to."

"Oh. I'm sorry." Christine said really meaning it.

"Don't be sorry. It just wasn't meant to be."

"What happened?"

"She married her intended when his Time came."

"Oh. How awful. I'm sorry I asked."

"No, don't be. I was going to tell you about it anyway. She was the daughter of a family friend. From the moment I saw her I was...in trouble. She was all I could think about and all I wanted. Even after learning about her betrothal, I still chased her. I told her I would stop the marriage. I found out about her wedding and followed her family to the ceremony. I think they knew I was following them and it was their logical way of showing me how foolish I was being."

"I didn't understand it at first. I had illusions of standing up and declaring my undying love in front of everyone at the wedding. I was going to save her from an unwanted match that her family was forcing on her. But Vulcans don't get married like we do." He shook his head, lost in his own memories. "Luckily, her father stopped me from making the biggest mistake of my life when I tried to challenge her intended."

M'Benga took a long drag on his device and exhaled slowly, calmly. Then he continued, "I learned more than I ever bargained for that day. Suffice it to say, I realized I was only kidding myself with dreams of true love and romance. Vulcans are not like us. They are... different. I have learned to accept that, and so must you."

"Uhura says Spock is dangerous and alien to us. I just can't believe it."

"Believe it, Chris," M'Benga said. "But I know you won't, you can't. Not until you've seen it with your own eyes, and perhaps not even then. You view Vulcans through romantic rose-colored glasses. But Christine, they are aliens. That's not a bad word or a bad thing to be. To them, we're the aliens. They're just not like humans and that's a good thing. They're the new civilizations that we've been clamoring for since man discovered we may not be alone in the universe. We want to humanize that which is not human. They don't see us as equals, as Vulcans from another sun with round ears. They see us as a different race and that's perfectly logical and okay."

"So, are you over this Vulcan woman you loved?" she asked.

M'Benga shook his head ruefully. "I think I'll love her until the day I die, even though she didn't love me. Who was it that said it's better to have loved and lost? He must be a masochist."

"But Spock loves Uhura. I can see it in his eyes, I can see it when speaks her name. He has this look..."

"Sure, I've seen it too. After all, he is half-human. It's not that Vulcans cannot love, they simply choose not to. As I said, Spock has found a logical reason to love Uhura."

"I think I could accept it better if he didn't love her. That he had to marry her out of obligation or something like you described. But if he loves her, that means he could have loved me too and didn't, and that hurts more."

"If it makes you feel any better, I don't think Spock wanted to love her. I think he couldn't help himself."

"That makes me feel worse. Are you even trying to cheer me up?" Christine accused.

"I swear I am!" M'Benga said, giving her his most charming smile. "You're just a tough nut to crack. You can't help loving Spock right? Well, imagine him feeling that way about Uhura. He can't help it any more than you can. It just so happens that she loves him back."

"No, she doesn't." Christine's voice was tinged with bitterness.

"I'm not going to argue with you. Helen Keller can see what's going on between those two. I knew it the first time I saw them together. I thought it was going to end up in disaster, but it seems to have worked out for them."

"You knew they were lovers?" Did everyone see it except her?

"I knew they had feelings for one another. Uhura was transparent as glass and Mr. Spock had a way of making it very clear that Uhura was off-limits." M'Benga said with a thoughtful look on his face.

That surprised Christine. "How so?"

"Well, you have to know Vulcans. Spock commandeered a lot of her time which is very unusual for a Vulcan. He was solicitous to her in public. Big red flag there. And I know he got rid of that Kevin Riley. I know he encouraged males whose eyes lingered a little too long on Uhura to check themselves." M'Benga shook his head. "Spock has a way of sidling up to you in the guise of being helpful and before you know it, you are agreeing to never think about Uhura 'that way'."

"Did you think of her 'that way'?"

"Of course I did, for a hot minute. But Spock was clearly interested, so that was the end of that."

"So you just let him have her?" Christine wouldn't have. She was the kind of woman who fought for what she wanted.

"First, Uhura wasn't mine to let him have. And second, I told you I've seen what Vulcans are capable of with my own eyes. Spock put out the signal, and I received it loud and clear."

"But what did he do to you? Does he mind-meld with you or something?"

"No, Vulcans are more subtle than that. He just casually scares the shit out of you, and you don't even know what is happening until it's too late. Kevin Riley had one thing right about Spock."

"What is that?"

"He was a cockblocker," M'Benga laughed and took a puff from his smoking device.

Christine didn't think it was funny. She was still sensitive about Spock. She had called him an asshole, but she still loved him. That wouldn't disappear in one day. "I can hardly believe Spock and Uhura are lovers."

"Please believe it," M'Benga advised. He finished his smoke and after a few minutes of quiet he asked, "Christine, do you want to come back to my place?"

"Oh? Jeff... um... I just... I don't... I mean, I don't really like you that way."

M'Benga laughed, flashing his perfect white teeth. "Good. I don't like you that way either. But it's cold out here, isn't it? It's nice to have a friend to keep you warm sometimes."

Christine hesitated. It was cold. And lonely. But Jeff was her friend, and she didn't want to lose that. Still... "So is this strictly...?" she let the question hang in the air like the smoky mist surrounding them.

"This is strictly dickly," he joked.

Christine looked at him. Jeff was handsome, funny, smart, and lately he was the only person who didn't treat her like a pariah. She could do a lot worse, and it had been a long time since Roger.

"Oh, why not?" She asked out loud.

"Indeed." M'Benga took her hand and led her away from the window and the cold.

Notes: Usually the term "strictly dickly" is slang used to mean someone is attracted only to men, not women. In this case, Dr. M'Benga is just letting her know he's gonna give her the D, and that is it, no strings attached. But it makes me wonder, how do you hook up on the Enterprise? Do they have dating apps like Tinder? Are there any fics showing the crew hooking up like that? Let me know, please?

I've gone back and forth on whether I like Christine as a character. I didn't like her and her questionable behavior, but then again, who among us is perfect? She's not a bad person, she just did some bad things and hopefully learned from them. After writing this chapter, I'm beginning to like her just a little bit :-)