"Life as a Dyad"

By EsmeAmelia

Chapter 3

Had Coruscant's sun always been so bright that it would give you a headache, or had Ben just grown unaccustomed to sunlight after spending so many years inside? As the guards led him outside - outside - he found that he could only open his eyes for a few seconds at a time before needing to close them again, and even then the annoying spots followed him behind his eyelids.

"Ben!"

But headache or no, he would open his eyes for his wife. Almost before he processed his wife, son, and family droid D-O standing on the landing platform in front of Rey's dark green speeder, she was throwing her arms around him and in another second they were kissing, not caring that Gavin and the guards were watching.

"Mrs. Solo," a guard intervened after a few moments, "a moment, please?"

"Yes, of course," said Rey, pulling out of the embrace and giving her husband one more peck on the cheek. "Just a moment, Ben."

"Fr-friend!" D-O exclaimed, rolling up to Ben the moment Rey let go of him.

"Hey, little buddy," said Ben, grinning at the droid.

"Y-you get to live with us now," D-O said as if it was news.

"That's what they tell me," said Ben, rubbing his eyes.

"I'm spending the night with you too," said Gavin, wrapping his arm around his father's shoulders. "Then when the weekend comes, we can all go out together."

Ben wanted to say something about how he was so proud of Gavin, but once he felt his son's touch, he threw his arms around him, squeezing him in the tightest hug he could manage, savoring the ability to hug his son without Rey needing to hold some part of Gavin in order to keep him from accidentally ending up in Ben's cell.

He didn't realize he was crying until Gavin pulled out of the embrace and wiped his father's eyes.

"It's all right, Dad," said Gavin.

Ben sniffled, blinking at his son's freckled face, his mess of brown hair, the hint of stubble on his chin. "When did you grow up?" he murmured, his heart hammering with pride.

Gavin shrugged. "Honestly, I don't think I have fully grown up yet."

"Take off that mask. You don't need it."

"What do you think you'll see if I do?"

"The face of my son."

Suddenly his throat went dry, his father's desperate face filling his mind, those eyes begging for his son to come home . . .

"Dad?" Gavin asked.

Ben swallowed, squeezing his eyes shut to keep the tears in. "I'm okay, just thinking about your grandfather, that's all."

Again Gavin brushed his hand over his father's eyes. "Hey, I bet Grandpa and Grandma are watching from wherever the afterlife is and they're proud of you."

Ben took a deep breath as he opened his eyes and placed his hand on his son's cheek, much like Han had placed his own hand on his son's cheek so many years ago. "They'd have loved you so much."

"All right," said Rey, striding up to her family and preventing the conversation from going any further. "We're all ready!"

"What did the guards want to talk to you about?" Gavin asked.

"Just letting me know that officers will be periodically visiting us to check on how Ben's doing," Rey said before pressing a kiss on Ben's lips. "Come on, let's go home."

"Home . . ." Ben repeated as if it were a word in a foreign language. Had he ever really had a home since his parents sent him to train with Luke? Luke's temple wasn't exactly home, the First Order wasn't ever home, and prison definitely wasn't home.

"Ben, come home."

What would home have been like if he'd come home with Han? Would he have still married Rey? Would they have still rescued the children and adopted Gavin?

Was it wrong to worry that he wouldn't have found his new family if he'd gone back to his old one?

. . .

"Here we are!"

Rey gave a grand gesture as she entered the apartment and Ben could only stare. The dark green carpet, the plants arranged on both sides of the fireplace, the flower-patterned sofa and chairs, the wall-sized window overlooking the cityscape, the holos of Rey and Gavin on the walls.

"Home!" said D-O, rolling in and craning his neck up at Ben. "H-home!"

Ben felt his eyes well up as Rey's hand slipped into his. He imagined Rey and Gavin playing on the carpet when he was a little boy, the two of them wrapped up in a blanket on the sofa while watching the holovid, Gavin and his friends having sleepovers.

All without him . . .

"Home," he repeated.

. . .

"I could take you to see my apartment tomorrow after work," Gavin was saying over dinner. "You could meet my roommates."

"Your roommates," Ben said in a low, uncertain voice. "Are you sure that's a good idea? I mean, you know . . ."

"Dad, relax," said Gavin. "They know about how you helped save me and the other kids and how if it weren't for you, I'd probably be a stormtrooper now."

"That doesn't mean they'll want to meet me."

"Gavin," Rey intervened, "we should let your father adjust to being out of prison at his own pace."

"Sorry."

Ben didn't answer as he took a large bite of the Corellian stew Rey had made. So meaty, so spicy, so flavorful, almost as good as Han used to make when Ben was a child. Almost.

No, don't start crying just from thinking about Han's cooking . . .

"This is good," he said once he swallowed. "Really good."

Rey's mouth twisted in that cute way it always did when she was embarrassed. "I just followed a recipe from the HoloNet, that's all."

"Well it's delicious," said Ben. "Maybe you could teach me to cook sometime. I mean, it's not something you learn in the First Order and definitely not something you learn in prison."

"I'd like that," said Rey, smiling at her husband.

. . .

Like the living room, Rey's bedroom - no, their bedroom, Ben quickly reminded himself - had family holos covering the walls. Gavin's school holos from various years. Gavin's high school graduation. Gavin's college graduation. Rey and young Gavin playing at the beach. Rey and Gavin at a party with Lando, Chewie, Finn, Poe, Rose, Jannah, and Rose and Jannah's two children Paige and Landa.

The only holo that had Ben in it was one the prison had allowed to be taken at their wedding - Rey in a white dress and veil held in place with Leia's old hair clips and Ben in the gray prison uniform.

One holo . . .

"It's like I wasn't part of your lives at all . . ." he found himself muttering just as Rey entered the room carrying Han's old light blue pajamas that Ben had given him as a birthday gift in another life.

"You were part of our lives," Rey insisted, putting her hand on her husband's shoulder. "We just couldn't take holos when the Force linked us and they wouldn't let us take holos when we visited you in prison." She handed him the pajamas. "Here, I had them let out so they'll still fit you."

"Is that a polite way of saying I've gained weight since I went to prison?"

"Well let's face it - neither of us are as young or as skinny as we used to be."

Despite the circumstances, Ben found himself snickering. "All right, I'll give you that one. Dad probably stopped wearing these because he gained weight too."

. . .

"So soft," Ben murmured after the couple got into bed. "So comfortable."

"It's just an ordinary bed," said Rey.

"Well, try sleeping in a prison bed for twenty years and then you'll appreciate an ordinary bed," said Ben, sinking his head into the pillow.

Rey smiled as she ran her hand over her husband's cheek. "I know. My first time sleeping in a regular bed after Jakku was wonderful." She stretched her arms over her head, her bones making a slight crack sound. "And think of it, you never have to sleep in a prison bed again."

Ben yawned. "I hope not."

Rey ran her fingers through her husband's hair that had started to gray at the temples. "You won't. This is the beginning of a new life for all of us."

"Mmm," Ben mumbled, "but what about Kylo Ren? I don't think people forgot about him."

"Kylo Ren is dead."

"Yeah . . . that's what Dad said . . . but I still was Kylo Ren . . . it's not as simple as just saying he was a completely separate identity because that wasn't the case . . ."

"Ben," Rey interrupted, "I'm not saying this will be easy, but you'll have us to help you get through it. You're going to be okay."

Ben didn't answer.

"Ben?"

Now his only response was a snore.

Rey felt a warm smile stretching across her face as she kissed her husband's forehead. "Sleep well, Ben. I love you."