"Life as a Dyad"
By EsmeAmelia
Chapter 6
"FUCK YOU KYLO REN!"
The four words repeated themselves over and over in Ben's mind during the speeder ride to Gavin's apartment. Again his eyes were closed - the rush of the movement and glare of the setting sun still made his stomach queasy - but that gave the words more freedom over his mind.
"FUCK YOU KYLO REN!"
Was the person who wrote the note someone Kylo Ren had personally hurt, or just someone angry at him on principle?
"FUCK YOU KYLO REN!"
The person surely wouldn't stop with a note, this was only the beginning, things were going to get worse . . .
"Ben, we're here," Rey said, shaking his shoulder as if she thought he'd fallen asleep.
Ben opened his eyes as Rey parked on the landing platform by Gavin's apartment building. It wasn't as tall as many of Coruscant's other buildings - in fact, when Ben looked up, the top of Gavin's building seemed to sit nestled between the taller buildings like a baby animal being protected by its parents.
My son lives here, he thought as he and Rey got out of the speeder. He lives here and he never lived with me.
He was released from prison too late.
. . .
"Mom! Dad!" Gavin exclaimed after Rey knocked on the door. He was wearing an open t-shirt and green shorts and his feet were bare. "You came!"
Ben gulped, wondering if the way Gavin was dressed meant his roommates were in their underwear. Though he'd never been to college or shared an apartment with anyone himself, he definitely knew the stories of how casual roommates could get around each other. "Is this a bad time?" he found himself asking.
"No, no," said Gavin. "Come on in!"
Gavin's apartment was considerably smaller than Rey's. It was basically a living room with a small kitchenette to the side and three shut doors on the other side - Ben guessed they led to the two bedrooms and the refresher - but what struck him the most was how lived-in it looked. Holofilm posters decorated the walls, some at odd angles in an effort to fit them in. Various food packages littered the floor next to an overflowing wastebasket. The place smelled of snack food and dirty laundry.
On a well-worn couch sat a pale-skinned Twi'lek man who looked about Gavin's age and a blonde-haired human woman who also looked around Gavin's age, both barefoot and both seemingly glued to the pod racing hologame they were playing.
"Hey, Mrs. Solo!"
Ben looked up and there was a red-haired woman who looked a couple of years younger than Gavin, wearing an orange t-shirt and black shorts, a can of cola in her right hand. She too was barefoot - Ben was beginning to feel overdressed just because he had shoes on.
"Hey Tai," said Rey, "and I've told you before, you don't need to call me 'Mrs. Solo' - just Rey will do."
"I know," Tai said before staring wide-eyed at Ben. "Gavin, is this . . . your dad?"
"Yes," Gavin said, quickly stepping in and gesturing from Tai to Ben and back again. "Tai, this is my dad, Ben. Dad, this is my roommate Tai."
Ben gulped as he stuck out his hand. "It's nice to meet you, Tai."
Tai shook his hand, but she didn't stop staring. "Whoa," she said. "I've never shaken hands with a Sith Lord before."
Ben gulped again, suddenly thinking that this really wasn't a good idea. "Actually I was a Knight of Ren, not a Sith. Not the same thing . . ."
"Hey, is it true that you can read minds?" she suddenly asked. "What am I thinking about right now?"
"Look, I try not to do that anymore."
"Okay, okay, I'm sorry," said Tai, taking a swig of her drink. "This is just weird. I mean, you went from being Supreme Leader of the First Order to hero who saved Gavin and those other kids, but then you still had to do time for all the stuff you did when you were dark side, it's a fascinating story."
Story. Ben suddenly realized that his time in the dark side was exactly that to these people: a story. Like Gavin, they were all little kids at the time when the war ended - they had no firsthand experience with the First Order. In fact, Gavin was the only one who had firsthand experience with the First Order and his experience saw Ben as a hero who rescued him.
"Hey Hamda, Lindin!" Tai was calling. "Come meet Gavin's dad!"
The two people on the couch reluctantly paused their hologame and made their way to the door - Ben thought they were hesitant in their walking manner, but he might have only thought that because of his own anxiety.
"Hamda, Lindin, my dad Ben," said Gavin. "Dad, these are my other roommates Hamda and Lindin."
Ben stuck out his hand again and the Twi'lek Lindin was the first to take it, though he was swallowing roughly as he did so. "Nice to meet you, Mr. Solo sir."
Ben remembered how his father always grimaced at being called "Mr. Solo." "Like my wife said, just Ben is fine."
"Sorry." Lindin gulped again after having shook Ben's hand for an acceptable amount of time. "So, uh, I dunno if I should be angry at you for killing your own dad and stuff like that or thankful that you saved Gavin and all."
"Lindin!" Hamda scolded before stepping up to Ben. "Sorry, he tends to be a little blunt, but he's a nice guy once you get to know him." She reached out and shook Ben's hand. "Hi, I'm Hamda. Hopefully my little sister won't give you a hard time - she's all 'oh wow, Gavin's dad came back from the dark side, that's so cool.'"
"I am not!" Tai shouted.
"Okay, okay," said Gavin, holding up his hands as if trying to stop a fight. "Please, my dad's been in prison for twenty years, he's going through a lot of stress as it is."
"Sorry," said Tai. "Hey, are you two hungry? I could heat up some leftovers if you want."
"That sounds lovely," said Rey.
"Yes, thank you," said Ben, trying his best to ignore the spinning in his mind.
. . .
The reheated leftover bantha nuggets were rather bland until Ben smothered them in sauce, but still he and Rey ate heartily at the tiny kitchen table. Hamda and Lindin had gone back to their game, but Tai and Gavin lingered around, leaning against the counter and making small talk with the guests.
"That must have been hell," Tai was saying. "Hearing voices in your head telling you that your family was terrified of you - ever since you were a kid."
"Yes," said Ben, "it was hell, but I'd rather not talk about it right now."
Rey briefly squeezed her husband's hand, sending him soothing feelings through the Force.
"Sorry," said Tai, reaching into a bag on the counter and pulling out a cookie. "I guess I'm getting too excited - it's just that Gavin's told us all about you and how proud he is of you."
"Proud?" Ben cocked his head in his son's direction.
"Of course I'm proud of you, Dad." Gavin said it as if it were the most obvious truth in the galaxy. "You and Mom saved me."
Ben let out a sigh. "It doesn't erase everything else I did, though."
"I know that," said Tai, biting into the cookie, "but Gavin's also told us about how you've seen the ghosts of your parents and they're proud of you too."
A sudden lump formed in Ben's throat at the mention of his parents, causing him to need extra effort to swallow his food. "They shouldn't be proud of me," he mumbled, only loud enough for Rey to hear. "I'm the reason they're dead."