Spock confides in Captain Kirk and Dr. McCoy about impending fatherhood and family. It does not go as expected.

Family Man

Spock stood staring out into the void from the portal of the ship's observation deck with his arms folded across his chest and a contemplative expression on his face.

"Penny for your thoughts, Mr. Spock," Kirk said as he approached his friend.

Spock jolted from his reverie. "I beg your pardon, captain. I was distracted."

"I was asking about your rather serious expression. Anything you'd care to talk about?"

"I was merely thinking about... my wife. I find that marriage to Nyota is rather... illogical at times," Spock confessed.

He had indeed been thinking about his wife and the experience he had with Nyota and her "inner circle". They were all very pleased with the news of Nyota's impending motherhood and wished her and Spock well. There was no doubt in Spock's mind that Lieutenant Masters, Chekov, and Sulu would support Nyota and defend her from any threats real or imagined. They were the truest expression of loyalty and camaraderie and that they easily welcomed him into their circle humbled him.

Spock wondered how the rest of their friends and family would accept the news. Namely, he wondered about Jim's reaction ever since the confrontation with Bones in the gym. Now was as good a time as any to find out.

"Did I hear you say your marriage was illogical, Spock?" McCoy asked as he joined the two in the quiet alcove.

"Not precisely Doctor. However, I admit I do find myself in uncharted territory with my wife at times," Spock answered with no snark.

"Well, it must be serious if you didn't even bother with a dismissive comeback. Why don't you relieve yourself of the burden and tell ol' Jim and me all about it? I'm sure between the three of us we can figure out your love life."

"Marriage has nothing to do with love," Spock said.

McCoy rolled his eyes. "Now you're back. So what's the problem?" he asked.

Spock explained the situation to his friends. "There is no problem with my marriage. Nyota and I get along quite well, as you most assuredly know, doctor. It results from our felicitous union that has me unsettled. I am experiencing a troubling amount of anxiety over Nyota's health and wellbeing."

"Oh, is it um...er...that?" Bones asked, and he looked back and forth between Jim and Spock. He wasn't sure how Spock wanted to handle this conversation.

"Yes." Spock acknowledged.

"What is "that"?" Kirk asked, looking between Spock and McCoy. The two knew something, and they weren't telling him. He couldn't abide by secrets, not among his closest friends. "What is wrong with Uhura's health? If she's in any danger, I think I should know as her captain." He tried using his authority on the two scientists to make them talk.

"Nyota is not in any danger, Jim. At least the odds are in favor of a safe and uneventful delivery."

"Delivery?" Kirk asked, furrowing his brow.

"Yes. I should think in approximately eight to nine months from now, would you agree, doctor?" Spock asked McCoy, who was grinning from ear to ear.

"Yes, quite possibly. Though there is no way to accurately predict it at this early stage, you understand?"

Kirk looked away from McCoy to stare at Spock silently and as realization dawned, his mouth fell open in awe. "Spock is Uhura...?"

Spock nodded his head once. "I believe the Terran term is expecting. Nyota and I are going to have a child." With that, he turned back to the plasteel portal and stared out into the darkness, not waiting for Jim's reaction.

But Dr. McCoy watched the play of emotions across Kirk's face. Shock, excitement, then a slight frown of worry, and then sadness, then a slow grin as he looked over at Spock, and finally seeing Spock's stiffness, another worrying frown.

"Spock, are you... how are you?"

Spock took a deep breath before he spoke. "Jim. You've seen me at my absolute worst. When I was without logic or reason. And you've stood by me as a friend throughout. Would it offend you or lower your opinion of me if I told you I was... if I..." he hesitated to finish.

Kirk placed a comforting hand on Spock's shoulder and squeezed. "You can tell me anything, Spock, and it would not shatter my belief in you. You've seen me at my absolute worst, too. Has it changed your opinion of me at all?"

"No, captain," Spock said, simply bowing his head.

"You know nothing you say will leave here? It's just between the two of us." Kirk looked over at Bones, who was watching the exchange quietly, "or, the three of us?" If Spock wanted Bones to go he would tell the good doctor to take a hike, but Spock nodded that Bones could stay.

"So what is it, Mr. Spock? What are you, uh... feeling that has you so flustered?"

"Fatherhood."

"What about it?"

"It frightens me," Spock admitted. "I am not prepared for this."

"Well... I'm sure nobody's prepared for fatherhood at first, but you knew this would happen eventually, right?" Kirk patted Spock's shoulder.

"No, I did not expect this eventuality. As a hybrid, I did not think the odds were in my favor to ever father a child. So I dismissed the idea from my life."

"And now you've beaten the odds? You're a very lucky man, Mr. Spock."

"Indeed, it would seem so," Spock agreed without enthusiasm.

"So what's to be frightened of? Tell me? Better yet, tell your wife what you are feeling."

"My wife knows. She has expressed having the same sentiments to myself. However, I cannot afford to be sentimental now. I must control my emotions and be the unflappable, logical, Vulcan pillar of strength for my family. I cannot afford to fail Nyota in her time of need. She is already experiencing the physical consequences of carrying a non-human child because of me."

McCoy, hearing the distress in Spock's voice, tried to ease his concerns. "Spock your wife is pregnant. Her body is going through a metamorphosis that you cannot begin to comprehend. The two of you have created a new life. It's a miracle of science and nature, even in this day and age. It would be a miracle if it was a simple run of the mill human pregnancy and not an interspecies one. There are bound to be some ups and downs and surprises. Some stress and some other concerns. But she's young and strong. She'll get through it with flying colors."

"I understand that very well, doctor. I am also well acquainted with the potential difficulties arising from our two divergent species."

"Then what is it, Spock? What are you really worrying yourself about?" Kirk asked.

"I am at a loss as to what I can do for Nyota. I am trying my best to alleviate her stress, but I am operating at a disadvantage. I have no experience with pregnancy; human or otherwise, and I am uncertain if Nyota's symptoms are normal or due to the Vulcan child she carries or due to our unusual bond. I am, for lack of a better expression, lost. I can sense her fear and apprehension, and I cannot do anything about it. I cannot fix this with logic."

"Ah," McCoy nodded, "well Spock, all you can do is support your wife through this trying time. Your role is as old as time itself. You are the bumbling spouse who can't set a foot right. It's normal. She'll blame you for getting her pregnant and threaten to never let you touch her ever again... until next time, of course."

"That does not sound like Uhura," Kirk said.

"If she hasn't said it yet, she will. Just you wait." McCoy assured them. "My wife nearly took my head off every other day. I couldn't make her comfortable no matter what I did towards the end of her pregnancy. And even though I'm an experienced physician, when her time came to deliver, I nearly fainted. Me!" said McCoy with surprised disgust.

"You'll be fine. Fatherhood changes a man. You'll see that vaunted logic of yours will do you no good, not when women or children are involved."

Jim listed to his friends as they discussed something he had no interest or experience in and decided to leave them to it. "Well, gentlemen, I think I will leave you two to your discussion. I have no life experience to add to the subject. I don't have a wife nor child and I don't expect to have either in the foreseeable future."

"Why Jim? You're still a young man. You may find the right woman yet. And as for children, what about young Peter? He's your responsibility now," McCoy reminded him.

Jim straightened at the mention of his nephew. He always felt a twinge of guilt when he thought of the boy. He had sent him back to Earth to live with relatives of his mother after the incident on Deneva. A starship was no place for a young boy, and Jim didn't feel he had the stability a young grieving child needed. The boy needed a family, and although Jim was his closest living kin, he felt Peter needed strong parental figures, not a starship captain with the lives of hundreds of people under his command. So he sent Peter off to settle with some distant cousins. "A nephew I barely know is not like impending fatherhood," he said.

"How is it different? Jim, you could get to know Peter," said McCoy. "We're due for dry dock soon. Take young Peter out with you. Show him some sights on earth, make up for lost time. You're his father's only brother. I am sure he'll be curious and want to know things about his dad and who else is going to tell him besides you?"

"I don't know Bones, but I can't raise a child here on a starship!"

"Why not Captain?" Spock chimed in. "Where do you suppose Nyota and I will raise our child?"

"Spock, you cannot seriously stand there and tell me you were thinking of raising your child on this ship?"

"I have not given it much thought, but that is a possibility."

"Well, get that thought right out of your mind. This is no place for a child! We face danger on a daily basis. Hell, we just got attacked by Orions! You want your child raised as an Orion slave?"

"Of course not. But they took no one from the ship as a hostage."

"They didn't take anyone thanks in no small part to the Vulcan cruisers who just happened along to escort us to Vulcan. You suppose such a coincidence will happen every time we're attacked? What about the Romulans or the Klingons? You think they will refrain from blowing us out of space because we have a baby on board? Klingons don't take hostages or leave survivors!"

"We have a treaty with the Klingons, Captain. And as for the Romulans, we are unlikely to tangle with them since our last incident obtaining the cloaking device," Spock said.

"Spock will you think logically! We face new races of aliens all the time, some so powerful they could swat us down like a mosquito. It's one thing to risk our own lives, but it's another to risk the lives of those we love. I won't do it and neither will you!" Kirk said with finality.

"With all due respect Captain, Nyota and I will decide what is best for our child and we will do it logically."

Kirk growled in frustration and turned to McCoy. "Bones, will you talk some sense into this man?"

McCoy shook his head. "I happen to agree with him, Jim."

"What?! You can't be serious, Bones?"

"Why not? These starships are just like huge cities in the sky. There are hundreds of people serving, and they come from every walk of life imaginable. The majority of them are single and childless. How many times have you lost a good crewman because they decided to settle down and start a family? How many people leave the service temporarily on family leave and never return because they don't want to leave that family behind? We need to think differently if we are to continue attracting the best and brightest of the federation."

"Bones, this isn't a philosophical debate, this is reality. Children do not belong on starships. Who is going to take care of them? Are we going to have schools and nannies and playgrounds too?"

"Sure, why not?"

"Because it's not practical. It's not logical. Spock surely you above all of us should see that?" Kirk demanded.

"I do not. My father took me and my mother with him when on extended assignments. I had already seen much of the Federation before ever joining Starfleet. Sarek left his post as ambassador to Earth so he could live with his family on Vulcan and he taught at the Vulcan Science Academy until I was old enough to travel, because he did not want to be separated from me and my mother."

"Ah-ha! But your father told me he preferred his post at the academy. He wasn't sacrificing a career he loved or towing his wife and child into danger."

"Loved Captain? You believe Sarek loved his position at the science academy?"

"You know what I meant," Kirk said stubbornly.

"So you are fine with me leaving the service?" Spock asked.

"Why would you leave?" Jim asked in disbelief.

"If my wife and child cannot stay with me on the Enterprise, I will have little choice."

"Uhura can take an assignment on Earth, or on Vulcan, or on any of a thousand Federation planets and outposts between the two. You can visit them regularly. You do not have to give up a career that you love, and yes, I said love."

"Then you expect Nyota to give up her career?"

"It is not ideal, but it is what happens to women in the service. That or she can leave the child with family if she must return to active duty."

"Jim, Nyota and I are bonded. We cannot live apart for extended periods of time and neither do we want to. I do not desire to be an absent parent and neither does my wife. We will not leave our child to be raised by relatives and we will not separate. We will stay together. That is family."

Jim threw up his hands in frustration. "I don't understand you, Spock. And you either Bones. You two are out of your minds to consider this."

"No Jim. It's progress. I get it, and you're going to have to get it too. I told you, Spock's a family man now. This job isn't his entire life, and it doesn't have to be yours. You could bring Peter on board. He could grow up with someone who knew his mom and dad, not some old dusty strangers who just happen to share some small percentage of DNA. He could have you. You could have each other. It only takes two to make a family."

"I don't need a family!" Kirk told his friends before storming away.

The silence left in Kirk's wake was disturbed only by the constant thrumming of the ship's engine until Bones Spoke. "So that went well."

"Did it Bones?"

McCoy dragged his hand down his face. "Spock I warned you. Jim needs time to adjust to all these changes, but he'll come around."

"Jim is a Starfleet captain capable of making life and death decisions on command. He can handle the news that a crew member is having a child without such histrionics."

"Histrionics? You just threatened to leave the service. How did you think he'd react?"

"I thought he might wish me well. Or better yet, provide a solution to my dilemma that did not involve leaving my wife and unborn child alone at some outpost."

"He didn't mean that," McCoy dismissed the thought.

"He did," Spock said.

"I know I backed you up with Jim, but I gotta ask, is that what you really want? To raise your child on a starship?"

"I don't know what I want, doctor. What I want rarely matters."

"That's not true. You have free will, just like the rest of us. Logic doesn't have to dictate your every action. What do YOU want, Spock? What do you want for yourself and your marriage and for your family?"

Spock was silent a long while then took a deep breath and said, "I want... If... If I could have what I want, then I would simply want to live with my wife and my child in peace. I would want this child to choose an easier path than I have traveled. I would want this child to travel light and not carry the burden of two disparate cultures always at odds. I want them to be happy."

"Happy? A human emotion?"

"They will be human, Bones," Spock said.

"You don't know that. That is not exactly how things work. This child could be Vulcan dominant just like you, despite your being half-human."

"I would want my child spared the fire that burns in the blood of all Vulcans."

"Spock I've noticed you Vulcans are too secretive and uptight about this Pon Farr business-" McCoy said but when he saw Spock about to argue and hastily added, "Now, let me finish. If you want my opinion-"

"I do not," Spock said, turning his back on McCoy.

"Well, you're going to get it. In MY OPINION," McCoy emphasized, "there is nothing wrong with Pon Farr. It's your nature, your biology. There is nothing to be ashamed of. It's no different than a woman menstruating or a male having an erection. If you'd just be open about it and accept it as such it would probably eliminate a lot of the drama you have assigned to it."

"For example, if you'd come clean to us the first time you felt the symptoms coming on, we could have applied for your medical leave and got you to Vulcan without disobeying Komack. You wouldn't have had to hijack the shop or combat Jim to the death. And if you'd come clean to Uhura and ASKED her to marry you before hauling her off to Vulcan maybe you wouldn't have gone through the weeks of hell you two went through working out your indiscretions. Luckily you two are in a good place now; married and expecting a child, but you could have had this years ago. You could have had time to plan things ahead of time and decide where you'll live and raise your child after marriage. This is all happening at warp speed because you kept secrets from the people you love," McCoy unloaded on Spock. "And another thing-" he was just gathering another head of steam when Spock interjected.

"That is quite enough Doctor. You have said your peace. You are under the impression that the Time is merely some biological inconvenience. It is so much more than inconvenient. The stakes are life and death each and every time my body goes into plak tow. Every time the fever burns and I lose control of my emotions I risk losing myself, risk doing something I will later regret and may not remember. Risk harming my wife or my child or my friends or myself! It is not ... It is not whatever you think it is."

"You think I don't know that? I've seen you lose your mind, Spock. I know it's not pretty. I know it must offend every ounce of logic and dignity you possess but it doesn't have to be that way."

"And pray tell Doctor, how can it be any different?"

"I don't know! But we can travel in a tin can at light speed across the damn galaxy! We can beam our bodies in little energy particles from one spot to another in mere seconds. Surely by now science and medicine can figure out how to keep your damn species from tearing itself apart every seven years!"

"Why are you yelling at me Bones?" Spock asked.

"I don't know!" McCoy shouted. Then he huffed and took a deep breath. "I don't know Spock. Maybe because I care about you and I can see you're suffering and you don't have to. Or maybe I just don't want you to hurt. This is your time to be happy. Yes, I said HAPPY. You're married to the most beautiful woman on this ship and she's pregnant with your child. You two are madly in love, whether you are willing to call it love or not. And you deserve it, Spock. All of it. You deserve to enjoy this time of marital bliss and I intend to see that you do."

"Why Bones?"

"Jim once said to me that one of us has got to make it. One of us has got to make a real life outside of the Enterprise. We may have ruffled his feathers a while ago, but he's on your side, Spock. He wants you to make your marriage work and so do I. You and Uhura are going to have a happy ending."

Spock rolled his eyes. "How do you propose to make that happy ending? You are a doctor, not a magician," Spock said with a bit of his old snark.

"Don't you worry about that. I've got more talents than I let on."

Spock could see the sincerity in McCoy's eyes and the stubborn determination. "I do not doubt your talents, Bones. I've seen you work miracles before."

That stopped McCoy in his tracks. "Was that a compliment?"

"I believe it was. Further proof that I am not myself."

"Spock," Bones slapped him on his back. "I think you are more yourself than you've ever been. You're finding that balance between logic and sentiment. You're never going to be the dispassionate Vulcan that Sarek is."

"There is no need to be insulting," said Spock with an affronted air.

"It was a compliment. The biggest one I can pay you, in fact. Every boy envies his father and wants to make himself in his father's image. But not every father deserves it. You'll be the kind that will deserve it. Sarek not so much."

"You and Jim have a poor opinion of Sarek. But Doctor, would it surprise you to hear that I... I do not hold any animosity towards my father. I-"

"You love him?" McCoy said before Spock could say more. "Well, that's as it should be. And I knew it before I ever met the ambassador. I knew it by the pride you always had in your voice when speaking of your father's people. I knew it when he stepped on this ship and pretended to ignore you just to piss you off and you let him." McCoy saw Spock ready for a protest, but he fended him off with a wave of his hand continuing... "I knew it when you beat yourself up and nearly drove yourself to exhaustion trying to find a solution to his heart condition. I knew it when you were eager to sacrifice your own health and life to save his."

"But I almost let him die," Spock cut in.

"But you didn't, and you only did that because you were trying to please Sarek in your own mutton-headed way. No, everything you did was because you love your father and want to please him. But you had to learn the hard way that you cannot please someone else while compromising yourself. Sarek wanted you to follow in his footsteps and be just like him, but he can't have what he wants this time. Because you can't be just like Sarek, Spock. You're already better than him."

"How do you figure that, doctor?"

"Because I've seen you smile. I've heard you laugh and I've felt the warmth and genuine compassion you show people. You're a good man Spock."

"And you believe Sarek is not a good man?"

Sarek is a good ambassador, and he may even be a great man, but he sucks as a dad. He may be capable of smiling and laughing and loving, but he chooses not to do so. He chooses to be a miser, hoarding his emotions for himself. But you, whether by choice or circumstance, you have shared those things with your friends and it's fucking awesome you hear me? So you keep it up. Don't be a miser with your emotions. Give your children that part of you and they will worship the ground you walk on. And Uhura too. I know she's got some issues with her family, but she is the kindest, gentlest woman I've ever met. She'll make an awesome mama. Just don't make the same mistakes your parents made and you'll be fine."

"Bones, you've given me much to think about."

McCoy grinned. "Well, don't think too hard, you might injure yourself."

Spock smirked at the old Terran joke and despite the seriousness of the conversation they'd just had, he allowed himself the slight lapse. Maybe his friends did not embrace in group hugs and kiss and cry together, but what they did got the job done just the same.

"Do you suppose we should apologize to Jim?"

"What for? For telling him the cold hard truth about his family? You know Jim, he'll stew for a while and then realize we were right. Then he'll apologize to us."

"I did not think Nyota's pregnancy would jeopardize our friendship or upset him to such a degree."

"It won't. Jim's got issues of his own. You're not the only one who's stood here contemplating the meaning of his life. Jim's got to come to terms with a lot of things, his brother's death, for one. He needs to grieve, and he hasn't done it yet. Maybe when this mission is over and maybe if he gives Peter a chance, they can grieve and heal together. Now, why don't you go home to your lovely wife and let me worry about Jim? He'll come around to our way of thinking. Or he'll come up with a new angle neither one of us can see. Either way, it will all work out. You mark my words."

"Noted," Spock said. "I will return to Nyota now." He turned to leave, but then stopped and turned back to his friend. "Thank you Bones."

"Spock, you know one does not thank logic," McCoy said, mimicking Sarek.

"No, but I do thank you."

"Aw, so what now? Do we hug?"

Spock turned and said, "Still not interested, doctor," leaving behind him a sputtering McCoy as he strolled away.

Whew! I was not expecting so much angst to come out of this chapter. The closer I get to the end, the harder it is to let go of these characters and wrap up their stories in a neat bow. But somehow, some way, there will be a happy ending, dammit!